Chapter 24

She slept for a couple hours. Lexa had servants remove the bucket, knowing Clarke wouldn't like the reminder when she woke. It wasn't until dinner was brought in that Clarke finally stirred. She still looked sad and ashamed when she woke up, but hid it quickly, trying to move on. It amazed Lexa how strong Clarke was. She had just confronted her abuser, the one who should have kept her safe, but instead allowed the horrors to occur. It was no wonder she had had such a strong emotional response to seeing him, yet she had held herself together until she felt safe enough to break. Now, she was again showing her strength by pushing passed it. She was strong, though her coping mechanism of just moving on wasn't exactly healthy, but that would take time.

Clarke saw that look of pride, mixed with concern, on Lexa's face as she walked over to the table. She wanted to apologize again, but Lexa shot her a look. Apparently, Lexa could read her as well as she could read Lexa. She just sighed and sat down across from Lexa.

"Is everyone settling in okay?" she asked instead.

"I believe so. My guards told me that Raven and Bellamy joined Octavia and Lincoln for dinner," Lexa said, "I had ours delivered a bit later to let you sleep."

Clarke smiled, having mixed feeling about both her friends and sleeping so long. Lexa motioned to eat and she was hungry; lunch had kind of been a fail. They fell into casual conversation again, Clarke slowly getting that peaceful feeling back. Lexa gave her just enough space to feel comfortable, but not to feel avoided or smothered.

When they went to bed, Lexa feared that they might have gone back to when Clarke was pushing her away. Clarke lay on the bed, flat on her back, and kept a decent amount of space between them. Lexa lay on her side, facing her, hating the space, but loving Clarke enough to let her have the space if she really wanted it. Eventually, Clarke rolled to face her, her eyes questioning. Lexa reached out and pushed her hair behind her ears. That small touch sparked Clarke to move to Lexa, their bodies molding into each other. Then, they slept.

The nightmares came, as they always did. Clarke woke up in Lexa's arms, Lexa whispering and gently caressing her.

"What was this one, Clarke?" Lexa asked, placing a kiss on Clarke's temple.

She thought about not answering, she wasn't great at sharing her pain and fears with anyone, but Lexa had a way of being right and a big part of her liked the idea of not having to always carry everything herself.

"Dropship," she said. It was almost always the dropship, "Bellamy and Pike were there. Bellamy started fighting Pike, but Johnson and Dirks grabbed him and tied him down in chains. They made him watch and I watched it destroy him."

"I sometimes think you might be one of the most intuitive people that's ever lived," Lexa said, "You catch onto the most subtle of feelings. You know how much Bellamy is suffering, so your mind processes it in ways you can understand."

They fell asleep again and morning made things look new. Clarke and Lexa washed and dressed together. It was peaceful; Clarke felt peaceful. She wasn't sure why, but today she felt better. Not perfect, not back to how she had been before, but better.

Lexa had business to attend to, so Clarke decided to hang out with her friends. They seemed a little more cautious with her at first, almost like they tiptoed around her, but then they seemed to fall back into comfort. They wanted to talk about Pike, about how Clarke felt about seeing him again, but it didn't seem like Clarke was too keen on that. Instead, they convinced her to go down into Polis to look around.

They ended up having fun. Again, the people acted odd, in Clarke's opinion. They looked at her in…reverence? She expected to see pity or disdain, attributing yesterday's reception to her being with Lexa, but she was still getting the same reception without Lexa. Several people told her how much they were looking forward to the banquet tonight.

Clarke was nervous about the banquet. She'd never really given much thought to what she would wear, clothing still something that occasionally caused her hiccups mentally, but the banquet had her worried. She didn't understand why Titus would suggest it nor why Lexa would also think it was a good idea. Surely, she was misreading the grounders and they saw her as weakened. She even had a momentary thought that the banquet was a set up to finally kill Wanheda before she was so weakened that taking her power wouldn't be of much benefit, but she quickly dismissed that thought. Looking over at Lexa, she knew that that thought was truly crazy; Lexa would never do that to her. Lexa helped her pick something to wear. It was comfortable, but somewhat formidable. It helped a little with her confidence.

At the banquet, she sat next to Lexa, Titus on Lexa's other side. Her friends were informed that they weren't guards tonight: they were honored guests for their part in bringing Skaikru back into the coalition. Clarke was ill at ease the entire meal. Her friends and Lexa could tell, of course, but she covered it well to anyone who didn't know her as well as they did. However, by the end of the night, she was having a hard time hiding her confusion, especially as other ambassadors and clan leaders came up to say how good it was to see her again. That made her suspicious, though they seemed sincere.

All except Roan, who watched with a half-smile from the wall. Slightly overwhelmed, her friends chatting with various Polis people and Lexa with others, she made her way over to him. He handed her a glass of something, nodding slightly before looking back over the crowd.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, he spoke, "You look confused, Wanheda."

Clarke scoffed slightly, "Last time I was here, most of these people wanted to kill me. A few tried."

Roan smirked, "That is true."

For better or worse, she trusted Roan and trusted him to be honest with her, "I can't help but wonder if it isn't a trap. Why are they all acting so…friendly?"

"They all know what happened to you," was his simple response.

Clarke stiffened, "So, they now consider me so weak that I'm no longer a threat? That doesn't explain why they seem so happy to see me."

Roan turned towards her then, an incredulous look on his face, "Have you not heard the story of what happened to you? The story that has spread throughout the clans?"

Clarke sighed and looked down. She supposed she needed to be prepared for what was being said so she could combat it, "Tell me."

Roan smirked again, "The great Wanheda had been staying in Polis tower with Heda. She fought our traditions and managed to sway the Commander, causing the people to question our leader, but they didn't know what Heda knew of Wanheda's power. As Heda put a blockade around the Sky Princess' people, Death tried to come for the Commander, but Wanheda's power was great and she kept Death from taking our beloved Heda, healing a wound that should have been fatal," Clarke listened intently, surprised that Lexa's bullet wound was now known throughout the clans. Roan didn't stop the story, "But Wanheda had a great love for her people and, once she had commanded Death to leave the Commander alone, she returned to them, bearing the Totem of the Flame."

Roan paused, taking a sip of his drink. Clarke took a sip, knowing they were getting to the bad part. She couldn't help but wonder if Roan was stalling telling that part... or pausing for dramatic effect.

"But her people had been infiltrated by a snake, Charles Pike, that deceived Skaikru. He had once been the Sky Princess' mentor, but had become so consumed by power and hate that he betrayed Wanheda, taking her captive and trying to steal her power. Wanheda had gone to seek peace, which was why he was able to capture her. He and two of his most loyal snakes spent 18 days trying to steal her power and gain information, but Wanheda was loyal to the Commander and refused to betray her. They tried everything to convince Death to disobey her orders and take her. They starved her, beat her, tortured her in the most despicable ways, but they were no match for Wanheda's strength and power. Finally, they tried to convince her Second, who they had previously been able to deceive, to try to take her power. They thought she might give up her power for her love for him, but, seeing how great her power was, the veil they had placed over his eyes was lifted and he valiantly turned on them, delivering the Snake Charles Pike to the Commander."

Clarke wasn't sure if she was breathing, gripping her glass hard, but Roan wasn't done, "When she was brought back to her mother, a great healer, her own mother had little hope that she could survive. Abby Griffin, who had brought reapers back from the dead and could heal fatal wounds, did not think her daughter could survive, but even she didn't know the power that Wanheda had. Wanheda fought Death, commanding it to let her go... and won. Less than a month after being found, she left her camp to lure a panther to her, bringing meat to a hungry people. Trikru warriors have seen her sparring with her guard and learning from Indra."

Clarke let out a shakey breath. She sounded like a hero. The story wasn't entirely inaccurate, though. The part about the panther was embellished quite significantly. She turned to look at Roan, who still smirked at her, though his eyes remained kind. "They consider you untouchable, Clarke. You saved Lexa and then survived every attempt at your death. You remained loyal."

"That's not…that's not how I see what happened," she finally said, looking away over the crowd again.

"Maybe not, but that's how they see it," he took another slow sip of his drink, "They respected and feared you before, but they did not trust you nor did most believe you could truly command Death. You could bring it, but you could not truly control it. Now, they know that you not only bring it, but you can command it to leave."

Clarke smirked. More superstition and legend. "Do you believe all of that?" she asked.

"I believe it's much more complicated than that and some wounds aren't physical," his face grew dark. He turned to her then, "I have my best spies and warriors searching for the man who escaped."

Clarke gave him a small smile and nodded. Bellamy came up then, glaring at the Azgeda king who had abducted Clarke and stabbed him in the leg. Roan just smirked at him, before glancing at Clarke. "We will speak later, Wanheda," he said before walking away.

"I still don't like him, Clarke," Bellamy said, resting his back against the wall. Clarke just smiled, Bellamy returning it, "You do make the strangest friends."

"That I do," she said, still considering what Roan had said.

They stood in silence for a while before Bellamy spoke again, "This isn't what I expected."

She looked up at him, "Me, either."

He looked thoughtful, "It's not bad…it's actually good, but I'm having a hard time not thinking there are ulterior motives. Everyone seems…nice."

She laughed at the way he had said 'nice,' like it was a terrible thing to accuse someone of, "Just give it time, Bellamy."

He nodded, before looking at her with a small smile, "You doing okay?"

She nodded, "Yeah, it's all just a little overwhelming."

He grew pensive again, "I'm sorry about yesterday. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. I know that was hard for you."

She took another sip, her glass was almost empty, giving her time to think of what to say, "I didn't expect him to…be sorry? He didn't seem to have any regrets in the dropship, so I don't understand why he's acting like that now."

Bellamy thought for a minute, "He was so convinced that he was saving everyone that he convinced himself that what he did would be justified. He's had to find out he was wrong. He can't justify it anymore."

They avoided hard subjects after that, though Clarke's mind was still reeling. Lexa found her shortly after her conversation with Bellamy. She checked in formally, Clarke seeing right through it. Lexa wasn't concerned about how she was enjoying the banquet or her time in Polis. She was making sure Clarke was okay. They played their formal roles well, but Lexa noticed a shift in Clarke. She seemed calmer and not the faux-calm she put on when she was shutting down.

Eventually, the evening came to an end and they were allowed to return to their rooms. This time, as they got into bed clothes, Clarke seemed lighter and even teased Lexa slightly about changing together. When they crawled into bed, Clarke immediately snuggled up to Lexa. Lexa wanted to ask about what her impressions of the banquet were, and what she had talked to Roan about, but chose not to, especially when Clarke fell asleep so quickly.

The nightmares didn't seem to care how at peace she had been. This one was different, though. She wasn't in the dropship; she was in the Polis streets. Her friends were up ahead, talking, smiling, laughing. He came up from behind, his hand covering her mouth, the gun not pointed at her, but at her friends. The threat clear. Then, she was pulled behind something as he drug her away. She tried to scream and fight, but too late. He had her.

She woke up sobbing and couldn't stop. Lexa asked her to tell her about it, but she couldn't tell her about this one. Anytime she tried to open her mouth, she choked on her sobs.

Lexa was worried. Something about this one was different and Clarke was having a hard time calming down. She reminded Clarke that talking about it took away its power, but Clarke just shook her head.

"I can't, not this one," she said, desperation in her voice.

"Please, Clarke," Lexa begged, her voice becoming emotional.

Clarke pushed her face into Lexa's chest, "He found me. He took me from the streets in Polis, would have killed my friends." She started crying harder, "Lexa, he's still out there!"

Lexa pulled her closer, fear gripping her, as well. It had not gone without her notice that Mark Johnson was still out there. She knew that a man like that would not let his prey get away so easily. He would be back; the question was when.

She didn't try to tell Clarke that she was safe. That would be a lie. Instead, she said, "I will not stop until he has been brought to justice, Clarke."

Then, she continued to hold Clarke as she cried. Clarke eventually fell into a restless sleep, but Lexa couldn't sleep. She wasn't exaggerating when she said Clarke was intuitive with her dreams; she was afraid that this dream might be an omen and that thought made her blood freeze in fear.