A/N: I honesly had no clue what was actually going to happen in this chapter, I just knew there was a lot of mischief-making happening. So the fact that this chapter turned out the way it did is a little surprising. There's a bit of lightheartedness (because mischief), but also a darker tone to it...possibly because I made Loki dream again, which isn't always the best thing ever, so...I feel a little guilty for putting him through this, but I'm evil so not totally. And come on, there's more Thorki-being-awkward-and-adorable in this chapter, so like...what's not to love? You know what, don't answer that, this chapter gets pretty heavy.
Disclaimer: Do I even have to put this anymore? Marvel/Disney's. Not mine.
10. From Reaching Out So That I Can Em-
Loki was in the burning room again.
He barely noticed that both the flames and the rain from the fractured dream he'd had the night before Halloween were both present again; he was more focused on the fact that the rest of the scene was quite similar, with Thor - Loki couldn't see his face, but again, he somehow knew it was Thor - behind him. Both gods were at the very least tunic-less, just as before; Loki could feel the difference in their skin temperature, feel how cool his was compared to Thor's. His warmth was inviting; Loki felt like he was dreaming in a haze.
The flickering green flames and the darker green, rain-splattered view out the window should have given the scene a green light that would have made the place look as eerie as the nightmare where he'd won the Battle of New York. Instead, the majority of the room was lit up by a soft white light, somehow both warm and cold at once. Loki noticed what looked like a tattoo on his arm, but paid little attention to what it was of; he didn't have a tattoo in reality, so what did it matter?
He paid more attention to the fact that Thor's lips were trailing their way down his back.
And more attention still to the way he reacted, the thrill that went through him with every press of Thor's lips.
Thor's hands were on his waist, keeping him steady; Loki felt his breath with each kiss; one of Thor's hands reached up to brush Loki's hair away from his neck; Loki gasped; Thor's voice murmured, "I'm sorry;" Loki shook his head, ever so slightly, and whispered, "I'm not;" Thor's kisses felt almost as if they were scorching against his cold skin, though no matter how warm Thor was, Loki's skin never changed its temperature.
Loki didn't notice the fire growing ever higher through his haze, so distracted by Thor was he. Thor coaxed him back; Loki let himself be coaxed, trusting Thor completely, a strange sense. He still couldn't see Thor's face, not clearly, but he could feel it as Thor ran his fingers through Loki's hair, as Thor pressed a kiss to his temple.
The fire raged towards them, obliterating everything in its path. Loki didn't notice, the same way he hadn't noticed in the previous dream of the burning room.
As had happened in the dream before, Thor's lips finally met Loki's as the fire approached where they lay together. Loki could feel its heat, knew he should feel pain, but didn't; the heat didn't touch him more than the fact that he knew it was there. But as the fire covered them this time, Loki opened his eyes, and the last thing he saw before the fire covered them both was Thor's tortured expression as the flames closed around them.
Loki blinked open his eyes; it was strangely dark. He blinked; the room came into more focus. It was the vault room on Asgard; Loki wondered why he was here, when just a moment ago he'd been in the burning room with...
"Loki?"
Loki looked around at the sound of Thor's voice. Somehow they were fully clothed once more, though the love in Thor's expression was no less than what Loki assumed had been there in the burning room. There was also confusion, and pain - a look Loki didn't like seeing on his face.
Loki ran to him, barely registering what he was doing. Thor caught him, kissed him fleetingly, then looked around. "Why are we here?"
Loki opened his mouth to answer, but the doors flew open with a bang before he could. In strode Odin, flanked by two Einherjar.
"Leave us," Odin told the guards. Obediently, the Einherjar retreated.
"Father?" Thor asked, sounding bewildered. "What's going on?"
"What are you doing here?" Loki bit out.
Odin's face was impassive as he replied. "Thor, let go of him."
"What?" Thor shook his head. "No. I will not."
"Move away. He is a danger to us all."
"No!"
"Move. Away."
"I don't know what you're doing, Father, but I will not move," Thor told him. Loki admired his defiance, especially considering it was concerning him, but he couldn't shake the growing feeling of dread as Odin glowered at them both.
"I said," Odin repeated, "let. Loki. Go."
A bang of Gungnir on the floor blasted the pair apart. Even Loki had to admit he was shocked - even in his weirdest dreams, Odin was never this brutal.
"Father -!" Thor began to protest, but another tap from Gungnir silenced him. Literally.
"Odin, what are you doing?!" demanded Loki, finding his voice.
The cruel expression on Odin's face made Loki literally back away a step.
"Reminding you who you are," Odin said, and banged Gungnir on the floor again.
A great rumbling shook the underground room. Loki nearly lost his balance, but caught himself, and turned to see the great wall that had kept the Destroyer opeing. No. This shouldn't be possible - Thor had managed to destroy the Destroyer in new Mexico.
Yet here it was.
Its helmet opened; it turned its head towards where Thor stood in shock. Loki tried to run to him, but the sudden appearance of an Einherjar holding him back stopped him. A glance to the side quelled Loki almost immediately; it was him. Still, Loki screamed as the Destroyer fired. Odin's voice echoed through his head.
"YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF HIM. YOU ARE A MONSTER."
Loki screamed again as the Destroyer turned towards him -
And he woke up, still screaming, Odin's words still resonating through his head.
Tasha and Tony were in the room almost immediately. Tony threw open the blinds, letting in sunlight; Tasha raced to Loki's side.
"Loki!" Natasha said, sounding frantic. "Локи, что случилось?!" [Loki, what happened?!]
Loki got his bearings and let out a shaky breath. "Ночной кошмар." Then, in English for Tony, "Nightmare."
Tony came over and hovered by the bed, too. "Yeah, those suck."
"О чем это было?" Natasha asked. "С кем мне нужно бороться?" [What was it about? Who do I need to fight?]
Despite himself, Loki smiled, though it was weak. "Вы этого не сделаете. Хотя я был бы не против, если бы ты отправился в Асгард и ударил Одина по лицу." [You don't. Though I wouldn't mind if you went to Asgard and slapped Odin in the face.]
"Не думаю, что Тор позволил бы мне," Natasha laughed. [I don't think Thor would let me.]
Loki winced at the mention of Thor.
"Он был во сне, не так ли?" Natasha asked quietly. [He was in the dream, wasn't he?]
Loki nodded. "Да."
Tony interrupted. "Look, I'm sure this is a fascinating conversation, but would you mind speaking English? Since I don't speak Assasin?"
"It's Russian, dumbass," Tasha said. "But fine, we'll switch." She turned back to Loki. "What happened?"
Loki took another shaky breath, still reeling from the dream. "I - I was in the vault where Odin keeps his magical items on Asgard. Thor was with me. O-Odin entered and kept telling Thor to move away from me, as if I were some sort of disease he didn't want Thor to catch. Thor - brave, stupid, stubborn Thor - he wouldn't move. S-so Odin used Gungnir - his magical spear, the mark of Asgard's king - to blast us apart. And then to unleash the D-Destroyer - which Thor managed to get rid of back in 2011, when Odin exiled him to Earth and I sent said Destroyer after him. He set the Destroyer loose on Thor. And called me a monster." Loki drew his legs up and put his head in his lap, trying to shut the world away. "I watched him k-kill his own son without even a flicker of emotion." Loki hated the way his voice shook.
Tasha laid a gentle hand on his arm; a moment later, Tony's joined hers, a silent show of support.
"And I thought my nightmares were bad," Tony said, shaking his head. "How long have these dreams been going on?"
"A few weeks now," Loki said, voice a little muffled due to the fact that he was talking into his knees. "Maybe a month. I don't know."
Even Tasha drew in a breath at that.
"A month?" she breathed. "Loki, why didn't you tell me?"
Loki raised his head to give her a look. "Have you met me?"
"Fair point," Natasha conceded. "But still."
"Loki, what are you afraid of?" Tony asked abruptly.
Loki looked at him, surprised. "Pardon?"
Natasha looked like she was restraining another "British" comment.
"What are you afraid of?" Tony asked again.
"Nothing," was Loki's immediate lie. It was an automatic defense mechanism, something he'd often told people on Asgard in attempts to get them to like him. They had all failed, of course, but even still, it had become a habit.
Tony raised an eyebrow. "I highly doubt that. Everyone's afraid of something. Try again."
Loki conceded that. He had to think for a minute; he wasn't used to revealing his fears. He barely even knew what they were anymore.
"I'm afraid...of Odin," Loki admitted haltingly. "Of him and his rage and the very little, if not nonexistent, love he had for me and how callous and cruel that made him."
Tony nodded. "That explains why the Odin in your dream was so cruel. It's how you've always seen him, because you're afraid of what he might do because he doesn't give a damn about you."
Loki had to admit he had a point.
"Okay, my turn. I'm afraid...of needles. Ever since Afghanistan, if anyone comes near me with a needle, I get terrified. Funny, considering it was thanks to the quick work of Yinsen - with needles and various other pointy things - that I'm still alive right now," Tony confided.
Loki raised an eyebrow. Interesting...the infamous Tony Stark was afraid of needles?
"See? Everyone's afraid of something. Now it's your turn," Tony told him.
Loki didn't know where Stark was going with this, but he played along. "I'm afraid...of losing the people I care about," Loki revealed. "My mother. You, Tasha. You too, Tony. ...Thor. I'm afraid, I'm deathly afraid, that something will happen to you, to any of you, and I'll lose you - the only people who have ever cared about me."
Tony nodded again. "That's a pretty natural fear, and also explains part of the nightmare. Losing Thor to this Destroyer thing...it's a reflection of that fear of losing the ones you love."
Loki bit his lip; Tony was good at this. "I'm afraid...of failure," Tony said. "I'm afraid that no matter how much I do, no matter how much I sacrifice, it'll never be enough. It will all come to nothing. That terrifies me beyond belief."
That one at least made sense. It seemed to Loki that Tony had taken on a lot more than just the armor and the mantle of superhero when he emerged from whatever had happened in Afghanistan that had changed him so much. Now he carried that weight with him - and now Loki could put a name to it.
"Are you afraid of death?" Natasha asked. "Either of you."
Both men contemplated for a minute. Tony spoke first. "I'm not..afraid of death, necessarily, but I don't welcome it either. I've still got too much left to live for."
"What about you, Loki?" asked Tasha.
Loki contemplated a moment more, then replied, "I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of what comes after. Valhalla or Helheim, heaven or hell, whatever you believe in...I don't know what there actually is, and I think I'm more afraid that I'll end up in whatever hell there is simply due to all my mistakes." He paused. "Maybe that's why I woke up when I did, right as the Destroyer turned to fire at me."
Natasha seemed to sense there was a little more to the scene than Loki had let on, but she let it slide for the moment.
"There we go," Tony said.
Loki looked at him curiously. "What exactly was the point of this exercise, St- Tony?"
"It's something I've done before, usually with Steve or Pepper, whenever my PTSD gets bad," Tony shrugged. "It helps to figure out the fears behind the dream, so you know why the dream happened in the first place." He smirked. "Or at least that's what Pepper keeps insisting. And I have to admit, it does work."
Loki conceded that; he did feel a little better. Tony stood up.
"Right, well, that's my piece," he said. "I'm going to go bother Steve. See you later, Loki, Nat."
With that, Tony left Loki's room.
"Он и Стив, похоже, в последнее время хорошо ладят," Tasha remarked, looking sideways at Loki. "Вы имели к этому какое-то отношение?" [He and Steve seem to be getting along well lately. Did you have anything to do with that?]
Loki smiled slightly, but it was weak. "Да. Я мог бы." [Yes. I might have.]
Natasha looked at him, rather pointedly. "Что вы упустили?" [What did you leave out?]
Loki's smile faltered. "Много," he admitted. "Я многое упустил." [A lot. I left out a lot.]
Tasha scooted a little closer. "Tell me," she murmured. "Did it have anything to do with...?"
Loki shook his head. "Нет. But...Thor."
A look of understanding dawned on Tasha's face. "What about him? What else happened?"
Loki sighed and his his face in his knees again, voice muffled when he spoke. "At first, it wasn't a nightmare. It was a dream. Much like one of the moments in the dream I had before Halloween - the burning room."
Tasha made a small "Oh" sound, but let him keep going.
"Everything felt like a haze. It was warm, it was...pleasurable. And then the fire consumed us both, and we ended up in the vault, and that was when things started to go bad. But...the reason Thor wouldn't let go of me was because I had run to him, and he had caught me...kissed me. He loved me. And Odin...before the Destroyer turned to me, Odin spoke. He said...he said 'You are not worthy of him. You are a m-monster.'" Loki hated the tremble in his voice. "I..."
Tasha pulled Loki into a gentle hug, something so unexpected that it startled Loki out of his sadness. Natasha Romanoff was not a hugger; Loki was sure if anyone walked by the door right now, they'd stop and do a double take.
"You're not a monster, Loki," Natasha said when she pulled away. "You never have been and you never will be. Don't let Odin get in your head."
"Too late," Loki muttered.
Natasha glared at him. "Point is, you can't dwell on this dream. It was just a nightmare, and I know that's probably the last thing you want to hear, but it's the truth. You can't hold this in. Ignore it, get over it, whatever, but move on. Everything Odin said in that dream was a lie. Don't let it go to your head. You're strong; you can beat this."
Loki offered her a smile. "Thanks, Tasha."
Natasha nodded and stood up. "Теперь вставай," she ordered. "Тогда встретимся со мной и Тони в гостиной." [Now get up. Then meet me and Tony in the lounge.]
Loki looked at her curiously. "Что вы планируете?" he asked suspiciously. [What are you planning?]
Natasha stopped at the door. "The question, Loki," she said, "is what are you planning?"
Then she left, leaving Loki to swear very colorfully in Russian. He really hated it when people did that.
He disentangled himself from his sheets and headed to his closet, trying to shake off the dream again. The sight of the Destroyer had shaken him far more than he let on. But Loki pushed it to the back of his mind and surveyed his closet; what to wear today...?
He settled on a green semiformal shirt, something the Midgardians called "business casual," and black jeans (Tasha had taken him out shopping again after surveying his closet, insisting that he needed more Midgardian clothes). He finger-combed through his hair, which thankfully wasn't messy today, then sighed and headed for the lounge. What the hell could Tasha be planning now?
True to her word, Natasha and Tony were both waiting in the lounge when Loki entered, though Tony looked about as confused as Loki was. Said inventor's jaw dropped when he saw Loki.
"You look hot," he said, completely unabashedly.
Loki smirked. "Don't let Rogers catch you saying that."
That shut him up and made him blush, hard. Natasha laughed.
"Boys," she chuckled.
"What exactly did you tell us to meet you here for, Nat?" asked Tony.
Nat shrugged. "Loki's the God of Mischief, right?" was all she said.
Loki let that sink in a moment; he was the God of Mischief, but they knew this already, he'd told them when he arrived...
Wait.
Loki looked at Tony, watching as it dawned on him too. Tony met his eyes. Loki grinned.
"Feeling up to a little mischief?" Loki asked, his eyes alight.
"Thought you'd never ask," Tony replied. "You're the god here. What's the plan?"
Loki's grin turned wicked. "Just follow my lead."
Natasha laughed as Loki and Tony headed for the elevator.
They made their plan while inside. Tony's grin nearly matched Loki's as they stepped out onto the residential floor where they all slept. Based on Tony's rundown, Rogers wouldn't be in his room since he woke up at "stupid o'clock" and went for a run daily; Barton would most likely be out, possibly in the traning room, but Loki was adamant about not making Barton hate him even more; assuming Coulson hadn't run off on a mission with his S.H.I.E.L.D. team already, he'd be in the lounge in a few minutes, so they'd hit him last; Banner would most likely be in his lab on one of the R&D floors of the Tower already; but Thor, as Loki had noted with a hastily disguised fond smile, would be sound asleep still, and therefore the perfect target for their first prank. Natasha, they had agreed, would be watching from the den where they all gathered to watch movies occasionally, warning of any approaching people that may ruin the prank.
Loki crept to the door of Thor's room. He could hear his brother snoring quite loudly through the door and smiled a little as he remembered he'd always been deaf to the snoring as a child, when he was scared and would come into Thor's room in the palace at night and fall asleep there. He'd been terrified of thunderstorms when he was little, never realizing that Thor's power was the cause of them. Thor hadn't had the heart to tell him, because whenever there was a thunderstorm Loki would run into his brother's room to hide there.
Loki shook off the memories and silently opened the door with a small pocket knife Tasha had slipped him a few days prior. Loki motioned to Tony; Thor most likely wouldn't hear them over his snoring, but Loki wasn't taking any precautions. They had to do this as silently as possible. Tony handed him the coil of rope they'd found a floor above in one of the storage rooms, along with the can of spray paint they'd used to color it green. They'd found a couple of random buttons to use as eyes, and a thin strand of pink cord they'd added for the tongue.
Loki's rope-snake was actually a trick he'd played on Thor before, though he'd been using his magic the first time. Hopefully this snake would have the same desired effect - scaring Thor out of his wits. It was hard to scare the Thunderer, so Loki would take any chance he could get.
Loki set the rope-snake by Thor's head, positioning it so that it would "hiss" in his ear and be "staring" at him when he woke up.
Once the rope-snake was in place, Loki gave Tony a thumbs-up and retreated from his brother's bedside, hiding himself in the shadows of Thor's still-dark room (despite the sun having risen). Tony hid on the opposite end of the room, the near-invisible string attached to the rope-snake in his hand.
Loki nodded at him. Tony yanked on the string. Loki hissed, long and low, imitating a snake, gradually increasing in dynamic.
Thor awoke with a start to find a snake, its mouth open, hissing menacingly in his face.
He sat bolt upright with a startled yell, his hand reaching out for Mjolnir instinctively. It flew to his hand within seconds. Loki was doubled over with silent laughter, his hissing having been cut off when Thor woke up. He fell for it again...
Thor blinked; he seemed to realize it was only a trick as Tony let go of the string, letting its mouth close. He looked quite confused for a moment, then -
"LOKI!"
Loki darted out of his hiding spot, laughing. Thor lunged at him; he danced out of the way as Tony snuck out of the room.
"You just got LOKI'D!" Loki shouted, his emerald eyes dancing with laughter and his mischievous grin in place.
Then he took off out of the room and down the hallway, Tony just ahead of him, as Thor stopped in the doorway, glaring after them but laughing to himself nonetheless.
They met in the elevator again, both breathing hard, Loki still laughing.
"He falls for that every time," Loki gasped.
"Who's next?" Tony chuckled.
Loki's grin widened. "How'd you like to prank your boyfriend?"
Tony grinned.
Loki knew Rogers would be re-entering the building shortly, since according to Tony he never came straight back form his early-morning runs. Loki had put Tasha on monitoring the outside so she could warn them when he approached and give them enough time to hide.
"Guys, you have incoming," Natasha's voice came over the PA system. "Captain America to the main floor."
Loki grinned at Tony again. "Here we go," he said, and hid himself behind the admittance desk.
Rogers entered the building at a steady jog still, not noticing the cleverly placed banana peel (Loki had grabbed it before they left the lounge and eaten the banana as his breakfast, purely for this purpose) in the middle of the floor.
It was the oldest trick in the book, and Steve Rogers, the Captain America, fell for it. He slipped on the banana peel, a surprised expression crossing his face, skidded a bit, and finally landed...
Right in the middle of the giant pile of star-spangled glitter that Tony had had the pleasure of depositing on the floor.
Glitter flew everywhere. Rogers spluttered a bit, looking around in confusion as both Loki and Tony burst out laughing, emerging from their hiding places. Rogers shook his head when he realized who it was.
"Seriously?" Rogers asked, making both Loki and Tony laugh even harder.
"Congratulations. You've just been LOKI'D!" Loki told him, and once again, the Trickster and the Man of Iron took off, laughing so hard they could barely breathe.
"Bruce?" Tony panted once they were safely in the elevator.
"Banner," Loki nodded, equally as out of breath.
They snuck quietly onto the R&D floor where Banner's lab was. Loki knew it was a risk to try pranking him - after all, the Hulk was an ever-present threat - but Banner's lab had also been specially modified to withstand a Hulk episode, and hidden mechanisms in the floor could safely sink whatever Banner was experimenting on out of the way the moment the weight shift was registered.
For this trick, Tony was to be the distraction. He walked straight into the lab, Loki hiding around the corner, and after a few moments left with Banner in tow, heading in the opposite direction. Once they were both gone, it was Loki's turn; he snuck into Banner's lab and pulled out the flasks and vials he'd filled with multicolored sprinkles, switching them out for Banner's real experiment, which Loki safely stored in a drawer that he also slipped a piece of Fury's Hulk-proof tech into, just in case. He crep out just as Banner and Tony returned.
"Yeah, okay, thanks, Tony," Banner was saying. "I'm going back to work now."
"Sure," Tony said, watching with a grin as Banner re-entered his lab. Loki peeked around the corner and Tony motioned him over; both of them peered through the glass wall into the lab to watch his reaction.
At first, Banner didn't notice anything wrong. But when he started combining the "chemicals" he was working with, his brow furrowed; Loki guessed he was reading whatever display told him of the chemical mixture. All it would be reading was sugar.
Banner experimentally dumped out one of the flasks. Sprinkles spilled everywhere. Banner yelped and jumped back, knocking over more of the flasks as he did so and spilling multicolored sprinkles all over his lab. Loki and Tony both promptly burst out laughing again, which Banner looked up at. Loki, still laughing, whipped out a piece of paper and quickly scribbled on it, then held it up to the window for Banner to read.
You've been LOKI'D again! it read.
Banner shook his head. Loki flipped the paper over and wrote another sentence, then held it to the glass: Drawer by the computers. Your experiment.
Then the two mischief-makers ran off again.
"Coulson now," Loki laughed. "You have to be the distraction again."
"As long as I get to say the line with you this time," Tony said. Loki nodded, conceding that.
They reached the lounge once more to find Coulson sitting in one of the armchairs, his mug of coffee on the table next to him. Loki motioned Tony out, then ducked behind a low wall that cut the kitchen area off from the rest of the floor. Tony storde forward to do his job as the distraction, leading a reluctant Coulson away from his chair - and his coffee.
This was Loki's cue. He snuck out from his hiding spot and produced another, longer length of near-invisible string. Loki crept over to Coulson's chair and found the handle of his coffee mug.
And Loki grinned.
Safely back in his hiding spot, Loki watched with the string in hand as Coulson and Tony walked back in, Coulson shaking his head.
"Tony, you really are quite annoying," Coulson sighed.
"I know," Tony said brightly. "See you later, Agent."
Loki smirked; still Tony refused to call Coulson anything other than "Agent," despite knowing he had a first name - Phil, Loki thought it was.
Coulson went back to his chair; Tony disappeared behind the counter with Loki, a question in his brown eyes. Loki nodded, his own eyes alight with mischief and mirth.
They waited until Coulson reached for his coffee. Loki tugged on the string; the mug slid away from his hand. Coulson looked at it in confusion. He reached for it again; again Loki pulled on the string, dragging the mug further away. Coulson set down the tablet he was reading off of and stood, reaching for the mug again; again Loki pulled it away, shaking with silent laughter. Beside him, Tony was doubled over, trying not to let his laughter escape and alert Coulson to the trick.
Coulson reached for his mug yet again - and this time Loki yanked it right off the edge of the table.
Coulson's eyes went wide. But the mug bounced harmlessly off of the pillow Loki had left on the floor beside the table fr exactly this reason. Nonw of his coffee spilled, either; Loki had put a film over the mug, stopping any coffee from being spilled as a result of the prank. Loki himself may not like the drink, but he knew most of the others did, to the point where they'd use their powers if they didn't have their morning coffee. And despite Culson's paper-pusher appearance, Loki knew firsthand how dangerous he could be.
Coulson appeared to realize it was a trick. This suspicion was confirmed when he picked up the mug and noticed for the first time the string attached to it.
Loki let himself laugh out loud now, giving up his hiding spot as he rose to his feet. Tony followed, though he was a little slower to rise due to laughing so hard. They both burst into renewed fits of laughter at the look on Coulson's face. Loki exhanged a look with Tony; as one, they both shouted: "LOKI'D!"
And then ran back to the elevator, still laughing.
They congregated later back in the lounge. Coulson had left after the morning's pranks and was still out; the others were mostly glaring at Loki and Tony, though none in a hostile way - even Barton, for once.
"I thought you couldn't use magic," Banner complained.
"I told you all the day I arrived," Loki reminded them, "that even without my magic, I can find ways to make things interesting. This is my way of making things interesting. I am the God of Mischief, after all."
"He's got a point," Rogers spoke up. He still hadn't completely managed to get the glitter out of his hair. The sight made Loki stifle another laugh.
"That was fun," Tony said, addressing Loki and Tasha. "We definitely need to do it again."
"Wait, Nat, you were in on this?!" exclaimed Thor. "This is something I would not have expected."
"You know I'm friends with your brother," Natasha grinned (Loki glared at her). "It was my idea, actually. He came up with the pranks, but it was my idea in the first place."
"I'll make a prankster out of you yet," Loki warned with a grin.
"Sure you will, Обманщик," Tasha laughed. "Sure you will."
"Again with my title in Russian?" Loki asked, chuckling.
"Yes," Tasha confirmed. "This is what I'm calling you now."
Loki rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of something tapping at the glass wall. They all looked over; a lonely purple balloon floated outside, weighted down with something tied to the end of it. Tony darted to the window that actually opened and reached out to grab the balloon. He brught it back in, expression puzzled.
"It's for Loki," Tony said, handing him the balloon.
There was a note attached to the end of it, along with a small but sharp pin. The note merely said, Pop it.
Loki took the pin and did as instructed. The balloon popped with a loud bang. Another message, this one rolled up into a scroll, fell; Loki caught it, aware that everyone else was watching. He opened the scroll.
"What does it say?" asked Banner.
Loki read aloud: "You're clever, Trickster. But not clever enough. I knew it was you all along. I could have told any one of them." Loki smiled a bit at the next part. "But I'm not that rude. Besides, I wanted to see their reactions. And now, a little something for you."
"Well, what is it?" Tasha asked.
Loki looked up at them. "There's nothing else," Loki said. He looked back dwn at the note. "What could possibly -"
Loki's unfinished question was answered when the scroll exploded in his face.
Everyone laughed. The force of the mini-explosion threw Loki back a few steps, though he wasn't injured, most likely due to his Frost Giant heritage and therefore his accelerated healing. It did mess up his hair, though, something Loki was greatly offended by - or at least he pretended to be.
"So," he said. "That happened."
Everyone laughed again, even Barton. Loki continued. "I'm okay - except -" He gasped in overdramatic mock-horror. "My hair! The scoundrel's explosion messed up my hair!"
The Avengers kept laughing, and Loki's grin was wider than it had been all day. He lived for this, for making people laugh. It had been one of his favorite pastimes on Asgard when he was younger, before people started to spite him because he wasn't blond and brawny and brutish and battle-hungry.
They eventually all calmed down and retrated into their normal activities. But before Loki buried himself in his book (Tasha had all but forced him to read Harry Potter and now he was hooked), he didn't fail to notice Barton's lingering grin. So it was you, Loki thought, hiding his own grin behind his book. Interesting.
He went back to reading, a plan beginning to form in his head even as Loki once more retreated into the world of books.
Loki's good mood didn't last.
Rather, as the day went on, Loki retreated more and more into himself, the shadows of his dream the night before still haunting his mind. Eventually, he retreated to his room and changed clothes, uncomfortable in the green semiformal shirt he was currently in. He switched it out for what Tasha called his "lazy Sunday" outfit - a long-sleeved, comfortable sweater-shirt and equally-as-comfortable black pants, not quite leggings but not exactly sweatpants either. Loki didn't really know what to classify them as. He left his flat-soled boots, though; those were actually comfortable.
Comfortable now, Loki looked at his reflection in the mirror. His reflection gazed forlornly back at him. Loki noted how the effects of having the cuffs on were starting to physically affect him - there were barely visible shadows under his eyes, though that may have been more from the constant nightmares than magic deprivation; his skin was a shade paler than usual; his features had a drawn look to them, as if the absence of his magic was slowly killing him (which, Loki supposed, it might be); and, though this wasn't entirely physical, the air around him was colder than it usually was. Being a Frost Giant, his skin naturally radiated a cooler temperature, but with his seidhr blocked, that temperature dropped significantly. Most of the time, Loki couldn't tell, but now even he could feel the difference in temperature.
Loki kept looking, remembering the way his dream-created doppelganger had taken his place in the mirror the day he'd turned into a woman. He shuddered at the memory; that crazed, malignant look in his own eyes haunted him still.
Loki looked at himself and saw nothing but what had made him an outcast. He saw the monster everyone believed him to be. He saw the wolf inside him, howling for release even though it slept. He failed to see the good in him, so consumed by thoughts of his darkness was he.
Too much.
Loki went for the knife he'd stolen from Thor's room earlier. A vision of his doppelganger swam before his eyes; he blinked and shook it away. The world felt like it was spinning. Too much. Too much. Too much. Odin's words from countless nightmares came back to him: "Monster. Monster. Monster." Loki stared into the mirror and saw himself raise the knife. His hand shook. Violently. It's all in your head. Was it, though? Was it? Too much. Too much. Too much. Too much...
Loki dropped the dagger. It shattered. A single shard lodged itself in Loki's side as he sank to the ground, burying a hand in his hair and bowing his head, his knees drawn up and his other arm resting against it. Some of his hair fell forward to hide his face; Loki didn't even try to push it away. The dagger lay broken next to him. A little of his blood, dark and thick, pooled beside the hilt, but though the shard wound kept bleeding, Loki barely noticed. He didn't notice the pain.
He didn't know how long he sat like that, trying not to break down and cry but very much feeling like he wanted to. After a while - it could have been five minutes, it could have been five hours, Loki didn't know and didn't care - Loki's door opened, letting light from the hallway spill in.
"Loki?" It was Thor's voice. Loki shivered; Thor was the last thing he needed right now.
The door opened father; more light spilled in, and though Loki wasn't looking, he heard Thor gasp. "Loki..." he murmured. Without invitation, Thor entered the room, swinging the door closed behind him and cloaking them both in darkness again. The light from the waning moon illuminated Thor's worried features as he knelt next to Loki.
"Loki, what happened?" Thor asked, his voice a low rumble.
Loki raised his head and offered his brother a weak, sarcastic smile. "I tried to take myself off of your hands," Loki said, deapan. "As you can see, I'm still breathing, so it didn't work."
"Loki..." Thor breathed, horrified.
"Don't worry, Громовержец," Loki drawled, using Thor's title in Russian again. "I couldn't make myself do it. Funny, isn't it, how I can stab and betray others with ease, but when it comes to stabbing myself and sparing everyone the pain of my existence, I shatter the knife instead."
"Loki, Loki, what has made you talk this way?" Thor asked. Loki didn't fail to notice how...distraught?...he sounded. "Why have you suddenly decided that taking your own life is the best course of action?"
"You don't know me, Thor," Loki said, retreating into himself again. This always happened. Every time he started to come out of his shell, the nightmares would resurface and force him right back into it. And he never had anyone to get him through.
Thor didn't know how broken he was because of it.
"Loki -" Thor tried to protest.
"No! You don't know me, you don't know what it's like, you don't know, you don't know -!"
"Then show me!"
The ferocity in Thor's tone startled both of them. Loki looked at his brother, stunned into silence as Thor found his voice again.
"You're right, Loki, I don't know you, not like I used to, and I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for you, living the way you do, always afraid of something - and don't give me that look, I know you are afraid - but I can't understand if you won't let me. If you won't talk to me, if you keep shoving me away. I care about you, Loki, whether you want me to or not, and I will never give up on you. I will never give up hope that you can be better." Thor sighed. "But I've said this before, and still my words seem to fall on deaf ears."
Loki faltered. His usual facade was fractured now, but he couldn't risk Thor seeing too much of him. He couldn't risk Thor finding out he was a werewolf. He couldn't stand it if that truth, that monster inside him, was the reason Thor stopped looking at him with that concern etched all over his face. The reason Thor stopped caring.
The reason Thor, too, abandoned him.
Odin's words from his most recent nightmare thundered through his head once more. "YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF HIM. YOU ARE A MONSTER." Loki shuddered; Thor inched closer, and despite himself, Loki let him. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back renewed tears.
Thor's sharp intake of breath told Loki he'd noticed the wound. "Loki, you're covered in blood," Thor breathed. "I thought you said you couldn't..."
"I shattered the knife," Loki whispered. "And a shard of it flew into my side."
Within seconds, Thor's warmth was upon him. Loki didn't look up, but he could feel it as Thor, as gently as he could, extracted the knife shard from Loki's side. Almost instantly, the wound glowed with a soft blue light and began to mend itself.
"You're not healing as fast as usual," Thor murmured. "Hey, look at me."
Loki looked up, trying to fight back the tidal wave of tears still threatening to spill over. Thor gently brushed Loki's hair out of his eyes, tucking a stray strand behind his ear. "Why aren't you healing faster?" Thor asked, voice soft.
"The c-cuffs," Loki said, hating the tremble in his voice just as much, if not more than, he had this morning.
Thor understood immediately. He gently removed both of them, which Loki knew any of the others would scold him about (except possibly Tasha). Loki felt the difference instantly as his magic rushed back through him, immediately helping his Jotun magic heal the wound. Loki let out an involuntary sigh of relief; it was always so much better with his magic than without.
"Loki," Thor murmured. "What brought this on?"
Loki didn't answer. Thor sighed and ran a hand through his blond hair, whether absentmindedly or in frustration Loki couldn't tell.
"I can't help you if you won't let me, brother," Thor told him. For once, Loki didn't contradict him, just sat there silent.
Thor sighed. "You're a wall," he said. "You're a wall that I insist on banging my head against. I wish you'd unlock the door to your mind and let me in, Loki, but I know it most likely won't happen."
Loki glanced at him. His heartbeat picked up a little, hardly noticeable and easily disguised with a small spell; Thor was closer to Loki than he'd been in a long time, but still felt so far away. Loki knew the wall he meant - the wall that Loki had been forced to build around himself, around his heart, for so long that he didn't know if he could tear it down again.
But with that thought, Loki decided to open the door and see what happened.
Loki sang, just the chorus of a song he'd heard somewhere, but Thor seemed to understand the feeling behind the lyrics, or at least he was trying to.
"And I've lost, who I am
And I can't, understand
Why my heart, is so broken
Rejecting your love
Without, love gone wrong
Lifeless words carry on
But I know, all I know
Is that the end's beginning
Who I am, from the start
Take me home, to my heart
Let me go, and I will run
I will not be silent
All this time, spent in vain
Wasted years, wasted gain
All is lost, hope remains
And this war's not over
There's a light, there's the sun
Taking all the shattered ones
To the place, we belong
And his love will conquer all..."
Loki trailed off, letting his voice fade into silence as fresh tears pricked the corners of his eyes, though once more he fought them back. He did, however, bury his face in his knees again.
He felt Thor's hand on his back, warmer than a human's but still surprisingly gentle. "You're hurting," Thor said softly. "I can see that now. You don't have to pretend to be strong for me, Loki. You can show me who you really are."
As that message sank in, Loki finally gave up and allowed himself to cry.
Thor pulled him into his arms; Loki let him, probably not able to resist even if he wasn't busy finally letting the tears fall. Thor didn't say anything as Loki cried into his tunic, feeling like he was a child again - crying in fear of a thunderstorm even as he clung to the cause, oblivious.
Except now Loki wasn't oblivious. Now Loki was awake. He was broken. And he had no clue, in all of Helheim, how he was going to put himself back together.
Once he had calmed himself down, when he had cried as much as he'd allow himself to, Loki still didn't let go of Thor, almost afraid of Thor's reaction once he realized this. But just like he had as a child, Loki needed to be held right now, needed to pretend, at least for a little while, that there was someone who actually gave two shits about him and would listen, and understand.
Thor didn't let go either.
"Are you okay?" Thor murmured.
No, Loki wanted to scream. No, I am not okay. I have this wolf inside me that I keep fearing will come out at the wrong moment, even when it's not supposed to, and I'm afraid you'll look at me like I'm a monster. I'm afraid you'll abandon me the way everyone else has. I'm afraid if I show you my true colors, you'll run away and never look back, and I couldn't stand that because I l-
Loki halted his thoughts there and said instead, "Maybe. Probably not. But maybe."
"What brought on this suicidal line of thinking?" Thor asked, running a hand through Loki's hair in a somewhat absentminded but still strangely soothing gesture.
"Nightmare," Loki managed, working through the sudden lump in his throat. He was not going to let himself cry again. Not all over Thor, the man he was sure he l-
Again with that! Loki thought to himself, cutting his own thought off before the word could truly form.
Thor kept stroking his hair; the motion relaxed Loki, despite himself. "You can talk to me, you know," Thor murmured.
"I talked with Tony and Tasha this morning," Loki mumbled. "Tony had some ritual thing that he apparently does whenever his nightmares get rough. It helped."
"Obviously not enough." Thor's voice was a low rumble. He drew back a little to look Loki in the eyes. "I don't want you to die on me, Loki. I don't know how I could survive that."
"Why do you even care?" Loki asked, trying not to let himself drown in the depths of Thor's crystal blue gaze as he held eye contact. "After everything. All that I've done, all the people I've killed, the lives I've ruined, the town I destroyed because I was mad at you..."
"Because even after all that's been said and done, Loki, you are still my brother," Thor told him. "Whether you admit that or not. And I know you still have a good heart. But you've built so many walls and buried yourself in so many lies that it's going to take a while, maybe a long while, to dig yourself out again."
Loki nodded slightly, accepting that even if he wasn't entirely sure. "I think...I have to just do my best. I have to, and I think this may be true for the rest of you as well in some way, shape or form, but...all of us, we have to do our best. Feel free to fail. Or at least, feel free to move so that not everything has to be perfect, because gods know, life isn't perfect and there are rough edges and, on your way to becoming good at something you necessarily have to bump and stumble and fall, and pick yourself up, and dust yourself off, and go again. And I think I was missing that earlier, but now...I'm thinking clearly now, and it only happened because you're here, so I suppose what I'm trying to say is thank you." The words all tumbled out in a rush, but Thor seemed to understand every one perfectly.
"You're welcome, Loki," Thor told him.
Before he could stop himself, Loki asked, "Can you stay with me? At least until I fall asleep?" Not for the first time tonight, he felt like a child again begging his brother to stay with him after an...episode with the Einherjar.
Thor stood carefully with Loki in his arms; the cuffs lay temporarily abandoned on the floor. Thor carried Loki over and deposited him on his bed, throwing the covers over Loki and then laying down beside him on top of the sheets.
"I'm right here for you, Loki," Thor murmured as Loki, already half-asleep, scooted closer to him. "I always will be."
Loki fell asleep that way, and for once, had no nightmares.
Coulson let Clint head into their room first.
Tasha had tipped him off, and Clint usually entered first anyway. Tonight was just more...interesting than usual.
Because Clint walked face-first into the plastic wrap taped over the doorway.
He fell, swearing vehemently. Coulson laughed. It was always fun to see Clint on the recieving end of a prank for once.
"Oh, shut up," his archer grumbled, untangling himself from the plastic wrap. He stood and tossed it in the trash, only to look up and find a note pinned to the wall with a dagger.
Don't spy on me through the vents, it read. And that was for the exploding note.
Clint swore again.
Kind of crappy last sentence, but I'm tired and I have school tomorrow *yay (not)* so there's a reason. I know this chapter was one huge contradiction, but I hope you all liked it anyway! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE with Loki on top, leave reviews!