Construction started on the lunch counter the first week in October.
Luke reached out to anyone he could think of, and the night before the renovation began, about a dozen people congregated at the store to help move shelving and inventory out of the way. What couldn't be moved was covered with drop cloths. Mia kept Jess and Rory at the house, so that Liz and Lorelai were free to work unencumbered. Oliver was there, and Lorelai was touched that Ben tagged along to lend a hand. They talked briefly but pleasantly together, and both were relieved for the opportunity to clear the air between them.
Rachel was not there. She was in Nepal, photographing climbers before and after they attempted Mt. Everest. Everyone knew not to mention her absence.
The renovation was to take six to eight weeks. The reconditioned hardware store and the brand-new lunch counter would open right before Thanksgiving, or at the latest, sometime before Christmas. Luke had been continuously on the phone, contacting customers to keep them informed about the details. Although the store would be shuttered, supplies could still be ordered, and he would deliver them. He was nervous about going a month or two without any sales and hoped that this makeshift system would continue to bring in some income.
Lorelai discovered that each step of demolition and construction fascinated her. She stopped by as often as she could. The construction boss, Tom Swanson, turned out to be the guy who'd given her the white wine at last year's Thanksgiving dinner. Despite his grouchy demeanor and flatline conversational style, he seemed to like her and never chased her off-site, the way he did with any of the other townies who dared to poke their heads inside. The rest of the guys on the crew were delighted to take a few minutes to chat with a pretty girl and explain what they were doing. Lorelai learned how to read a blueprint and to understand why specific materials were required on certain tasks. She saw why buildings needed solid foundations and how adequate sewer lines were crucially important. She learned why 'measure twice, cut once' was good advice not just in carpentry, but for life in general. She doubted that she'd ever use her newfound knowledge, but she filed it all away, just in case she someday found herself in the midst of a renovation of her own.
Luke argued for her to come by the site in the evenings after the day's work was done, so that he didn't need to fret about her getting hit in the head with a hammer or showered with debris, but Lorelai preferred stopping by during the day. She liked the noise and the organized confusion. She liked the excitement of walls going up and plans becoming reality. She didn't mind what a hardhat did to her hair. Beauty took second place to the thrill of witnessing the construction firsthand.
While Luke worried about Lorelai getting hurt, she worried about him. She watched him grow more exhausted each day as he tried to be in three places at once and do what amounted to two full-time jobs. She watched the lines grow deeper on his face and the light leave his magnificent blue eyes. Her excuse for stopping by the store so often was her interest in what was going on, but truthfully, she stopped by mainly to check on him.
She was counting the days until the renovation was over, and she hoped, with all her heart, that Luke would then be restored as well.
It was the Thursday afternoon a week before Thanksgiving. Lorelai gobbled down a quick lunch at the house with Liz and the kids. Rory was staying there with Liz and Jess while Lorelai worked her afternoon shift at the inn. But first, she hustled over to the hardware store. She couldn't wait to see what had been transformed in the two days since she last visited. She swung open the door and stepped inside eagerly.
She was greeted by dark and silence. The sawdust from two days ago was still underfoot. The place felt deserted; almost eerie in its stillness.
"Hello?" she ventured, her voice swallowed up by the dead space. "Luke?"
For several long moments, there was no response.
"Up here," he finally replied.
She turned towards his voice. Slowly, she moved to the opening that led to the staircase and steeled herself to pass through it, trying to ignore the terrible memories her footsteps were retracing.
He was sitting halfway up the stairs, motionless, staring out into space.
"Where is everyone?" she asked, taking a seat two steps below him. She turned so she could see him. "What's going on?"
"I told them to leave," he said, not looking at her.
"Why? Is today some sort of carpenter's holiday that I don't know about?"
He took a deep, deep breath, and then finally glanced at her before looking down at his feet. "I'm out of money. I can't pay them. So I sent them home."
Lorelai couldn't hold back a startled gasp. "You're out of money?"
"That is correct."
"But how…How can that be? You had everything calculated down to the last penny!"
He gave a sick-sounding chuckle. "Forgot the most important advice. When you renovate, everything takes twice as long and costs twice as much as what you think. Budgets and schedules mean nothing."
"But…but what happened? Luke, I don't understand." She put her hand on his knee. The sympathetic contact made him jump, as if it'd been so long since anyone had touched him, he didn't know how to react to it anymore.
"What happened? You know exactly what happened. You saw the foundation crumble away yourself. You saw the new trenches that had to be dug, you saw the concrete that had to be pumped in, just so the kitchen could go where it needs to. You know about the sewer connection, how the old one had deteriorated, and a whole new hookup had to be dug and laid. Those two things alone sucked up almost $15,000 of my budget. Plus, it took up time, too. Time that I thought the crew would have to work on other parts of the project. Instead, I'm out of money, running out of time, and I can't ask the guys to keep working when I can't pay them."
Lorelai couldn't get her brain to accept the situation. "What are you going to do?" she asked numbly.
He hung his head. "I don't know." His voice was full of tired despair.
She had a moment of insight. "This is why you sold your car last month."
He snorted at that. "No, the proceeds from the car wouldn't have even paid Tom's wages for a week. I got rid of the car because I didn't need it. I'm driving Dad's truck all the time anyway. It makes more sense to have a truck than a car for a hardware store. Plus…" He shrugged, looked resigned to being mocked. "I like driving his truck. It makes it feel like there's still…a connection there." He looked stonily at her, his lips pressed down tight. "Go ahead and make fun of me for that."
"You know I'd never do that, Luke. Never. You should do whatever you want to feel close to your dad," she insisted.
He looked at her briefly, verifying her truthfulness, before turning away and nodding his thanks for her understanding.
She glanced over her shoulder, down to the bottom of the dark stairs, and then further into the building, where nothing at all was happening. "Luke, you know, right? You know things can't stay like this. This has to get done."
"Yeah, I know," he muttered, rubbing at his face.
"So…" She brought her gaze back to him. "What can I do to help?"
His lips turned upwards into a smile, even though it looked like smiling was the last thing he wanted to do. "OK, sure. You want to tackle the finish work in the kitchen, or lay the new flooring?"
"Show me how and I will," she said staunchly.
He just shook his head, looking sadder than ever.
"Oh! I know!" She sat up straight as it hit her. "Money!"
"You don't have any money."
"No, but we can pull Rory out of nursery school. And you can use the money Will put aside for me! You can have all of it!"
His shoulders raised and fell as he took a deep breath. Then he reached for her hand. He wrapped both of his hands around it, then brought the bundle of their hands to his chest while looking down at her. "Lorelai, if I did that, I'd never get anything done, because I'd be constantly on the lookout for the lightning strikes Dad would be raining down on me for going against his wishes." He pressed her hand a little tighter against his chest. "Thank you for your generosity, but even if I did that – which I wouldn't – it would only be a tiny drop in a big bucket. I need thousands, Lorelai. Thousands and thousands, to finish this up."
"Then…what are you going to do?" she asked timidly, hating to press him, but having to know.
He released her hand and leaned back, putting his elbows on the step behind him. "I'm going to have to figure out another way. I'll do more of the work myself, even though it will take longer. And it's not like I don't have access to more money. I can go to the bank and renegotiate. I can take out a mortgage on the house, maybe." He closed his eyes and grimaced. "I just really didn't want to do that. I don't want to do anything that takes away from Liz and Jess. I wanted to do this without touching anything that should be theirs."
"But you can get more money?" she asked anxiously.
"Probably. Yeah." He sighed heavily. "I just need to wrap my head around it. I need to get used to the idea of being a failure."
She bristled at that. "You are not a failure!"
"Really?" He looked pointedly all around the quiet space. "Sure looks like failure to me."
"Luke! Stop it!"
"I took the business Dad left us and closed it down to try and force my own crazy dream into reality. The business that's the only thing keeping me, and my sister, and my nephew afloat. Not to mention, it's Dad's legacy. I shuttered it, tore it up. And now here I am, with no income, a destroyed store, and no easy way to fix this mess. I – I just can't believe…" He looked around again, in despair. "I can't believe that this is what it's come to. I can't believe I let Dad and Liz down this badly."
"You know that's not true," she murmured, not sure how to comfort him.
"Yeah, it is." He rubbed his forehead, then moved his hand to cover his eyes. "Six months, that's all it took. In a couple of weeks, it will be six months since he's been gone. And look what a mess I've made of everything he left behind."
His pain surged through her too, releasing the misery that she'd buried inside herself since Will's death. She reached for his hands and gave them a shake, trying to ignore the despair reaching out to engulf her, too. "Will would hate to hear you running yourself down, so stop it. Stop it! He loved you. If he was here, he'd be behind you all the way. He'd think that the lunch counter was a great idea, just the way we all do."
"Right," Luke said, with no conviction in his voice.
She paused, searching for some way to reach him. "Has it really been six months?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah. Almost. At the end of the month."
"Wow, six months. You've gone six months without one break."
He frowned at her. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, your dad died, and you immediately started running the business. You gave up everything you wanted to do and kept the hardware store going. Then you plunged into the renovation. You're here every day, and you've been here every day since May. You're not failing, Luke. You're exhausted."
To her surprise, he laughed. "Well, you're half right. I am exhausted, but I'm also failing."
She nodded, deciding not to correct him again. "So, take a day. Take a couple of days. Step away from here. Let your mind rewind. Let your body recuperate. Things won't look so dire after you take a break, I bet."
"You think I can just walk out the door and forget this disaster? You think I can just…retreat…to a – a spa, or something, and everything's just going to magically reset?" he seethed at her, offended by her advice.
"No, but I think you'll be able to see things more clearly if you step away for a day or two. Give your brain a chance to sort through the options. Just go into recovery mode for a little bit. Be kind to yourself." Lorelai paused, gathering strength for what she was going to say next. "Rachel's back, isn't she? I've seen her byline in the paper a few times. Maybe that's what you should do. Take the day and go spend it with her. Get your mind out of Stars Hollow. Go have some – you know – fun."
"I don't want to go see Rachel," he muttered.
"But I bet –"
"Lorelai, I am not going to discuss Rachel with you, so drop it."
The murderous look on his face convinced her to leave the Rachel situation be. "OK, then, maybe instead of going for something happy, you should…" She shrugged. "Go ahead and embrace the dark side."
"Lorelai, I'm too tired to try and figure out your pop culture bits."
"Nothing to figure out, Luke. I'm telling you to go ahead and mourn. Grieve. Go someplace and sit and think about your dad. Count up all the ways you miss him. In fact, count up all the ways life has disappointed you recently. I think the correct term is wallowing. Go wallow in your sorrow. You're permitted to do that."
He looked flabbergasted. "How in the world would that help?"
She shrugged. "Maybe it won't. But how good would it feel to let go of this Hey, everything's super! façade that you've been trying to carry off for six months? Wouldn't it feel great to let your shoulders slump for a little bit, and to admit – if only to yourself – that you don't have all the answers? That you aren't even expected to have all the answers right now?"
"You're off your rocker."
"Possibly," she agreed. "Look, the only thing I know is that for me, not thinking about Will makes it worse when I do. So maybe if you do the opposite, if you really concentrate about him and how much it sucks that he's gone, then maybe it will make it easier to deal with everything else. Maybe blocking the grief is blocking the solutions to your other problems, too."
She looked hopefully up at him, but his eyes were looking elsewhere and his face showed no emotion. "I don't want to be rude, but can you leave? I really need to think. I should look through the books again. Maybe there's a way to solve this I just haven't thought of yet."
"I don't think the solution's in the books, Luke." But she stood up anyway. "I'll get out of here. There's just one thing I want you to hear before I leave. You are the nicest, best guy I've ever met. You are Will's son in every way. And if there's any justice in the world at all, you're going to get the lunch counter and everything else you want. I really believe that."
He scoffed half-heartedly. "Sure. Right."
"OK." She patted his knee one more time before she began to descend the stairs. "Don't spend all day stewing in here, Mr. Gloomy."
"I'll stew if I want to," she heard him mutter as she entered back into the main part of the store. It made her feel better, to hear him throw out even a weak comeback.
Out on the street, she realized that she had a bit of a problem herself. Usually, after her noontime visits, one of the construction workers, or even Tom, would jump at the chance to drive her back out to the inn. If they didn't, well, she now knew enough townspeople to feel at ease bumming a ride with someone getting into their car.
But today, she put on her gloves and raised the zipper on her winter coat. She decided to walk back to work. She had a lot to think about, and a long walk back to the inn just might help her to consolidate a crazy plan beginning to buzz about her head.
By the time she turned onto the lane leading back to the Independence, she knew what she needed to do. She walked through the big double entry doors and headed straight to the administrative offices.
Lucky for her, Mia was out, and Felicia was in charge.
Lorelai put on her most woebegone face. "Felicia, I'm so sorry for the short notice, but is there any way I can get Saturday off? I've got an appointment in Hartford."
"Let's see." Felicia flipped open the scheduling notebook and studied it. "Yeah, that should be fine. Jenny's making up some hours on Saturday, so we should be covered." She picked up a pencil and drew through Lorelai's name on the schedule.
"Thanks. Again, I'm sorry I had to ask."
"Hey, no problem. You ask for so little time off, Lorelai, I'm glad it worked out." She gave Lorelai a sympathetic look. "Doctor's appointment?"
Lorelai bit her lips together and nodded. "Something unpleasant like that, yeah," she agreed, and tried to suppress a shudder.
By Saturday morning, Lorelai had it all worked out. She got Rory up, fed her breakfast, and dressed her in the frilliest, most impractical dress she had. She stuffed snacks and toys into the backpack. Then she dressed herself as if she was going to a job interview at the most straitlaced bank in the world. She brushed her hair as flat as it would go and pulled it back into sensible ponytail.
She made sure they got to the inn's porch in time to catch the shuttle into town. At the bus stop, they got on the bus going to Hartford.
Rory was so excited by their unexpected travels that she couldn't sit down. She got up on her knees, her hands and nose pressed against the window, and watched the scenery pass by. Lorelai kept a secure hand on her back, protecting her from any tumbles when the bus applied the brakes at the different stops.
They stayed on the bus until they reached downtown Hartford, where they transferred to another one that would take them to the outskirts of her childhood neighborhood.
From there, they walked.
Lorelai kept her head down and held Rory's hand as tightly as she could. Maybe she was being an overly protective mother. Or maybe Rory was in fact the one encouraging her to keep moving forward.
When they began to walk up the drive leading to her parents' home, Rory stopped and gasped. "Is this a castle?" she wanted to know.
No, it's a prison, Lorelai wanted to say. But already she understood that she couldn't say those sort of things to her impressionable child. "No, it's just a big house," she said.
At the door she explained to the maid who they were, and then followed her into the living room, her nerves stretched so tightly that sitting there, waiting for whatever disaster was coming, was nothing short of agony.
Her mother entered the room, obviously suspicious. "Why…Lorelai. It is you."
"Or a reasonable facsimile," she quipped, unable to stop herself.
"Grandma!" Rory sprang up from the couch and ran over to Emily. Although Lorelai had tried her best to explain where they were going, Rory hadn't really processed it until she saw her grandmother. She grabbed Emily's hand. "We came to your house!"
"Yes, I see." Emily smiled down at her granddaughter, breaking some of the tension in the room. "Let's go tell Grandpa that you're here."
Rory looked around hopefully. "Where's your purse?"
Emily laughed. "Looking for some treats, are you? Tell you what, let's go by the kitchen on the way to Grandpa's study and see if we can find something for you, how does that sound?"
Rory nodded, satisfied, and the two of them left hand-in-hand.
Lorelai stayed on the couch, frozen in fear, second-guessing her improbable plan.
Emily returned with a plate of exquisitely decorated petites fours – surely meant for her bridge club – and a glass of milk. She placed them on the coffee table for Rory, and Lorelai held her tongue about all the times she had been refused permission to eat anything in the living room.
Richard appeared in the doorway, looking every bit as doubtful as his wife had a few minutes before. "Lorelai, you are here. I assumed your mother was pulling my leg."
"No. No leg-pulling. I am indeed here."
He paused by the coffee table and gently touched Rory's head, then took a seat in a wingback chair by the couch. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"
Lorelai wished she could calm her jitters. "I guess you wouldn't buy that we were just in the neighborhood, huh?"
"Considering the way you've refused to come to Hartford all summer and fall, and have only agreed to meet us on what you consider to be neutral ground, then no, I find that hard to believe."
"Is everything all right?" Emily demanded.
"Yes, fine. Everything's fine. We're fine," Lorelai insisted.
"Then why are you here?"
Richard leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs. "Isn't it obvious? It's money."
Emily looked at her husband and then back at Lorelai with interest. "You need money?"
"No," Lorelai said at once. "I don't need any money."
Richard's eyebrows rose. "But…?" he asked, encouraging her to go on.
"Someone I know does. A friend." She paused to corral her emotions and took a big breath. "Luke. It's Luke. He needs money."
"Luke?" Richard was obviously surprised. "Why does Luke need money?"
As rapidly as she could, Lorelai summed up what had been going on since Will's death: the hardware store; the lunch counter; the disasters that had befallen the renovation.
Richard absorbed everything she said. "I see. Why come to us about this?"
"I was hoping you might agree to lend him the money to finish."
"He doesn't have any other resources?"
"He…he does. Probably. It's just that Luke's set all of these restrictions on himself. He has rules about what belongs to him and what he wants to keep separate for his sister, and even – even what he wants to keep intact for his father, as crazy as that sounds. I'm afraid that by the time he finds an alternative money source that's acceptable to him, too much time will have passed. He'll be even deeper in the hole, and it will take even longer for him to climb out of it."
"What makes you think he'll accept money from me?"
"He might not," Lorelai had to reluctantly agree. "He's very proud and determined to do this all on his own. But I was hoping that if it was just a loan, and you presented him this easy solution, maybe he might."
"How much does he need?"
"I don't know." Lorelai was embarrassed that she knew so few details. "He mentioned that $15,000 got spent on the things that went wrong. I don't know if that's enough to get him out of trouble or if he needs more."
"In the grand scheme of things, $15,000 is not a huge sum. Surely his bank would be willing to renegotiate his loan?"
"Probably. Again, the issue is that takes time. The store is closed until the renovation is done. I was just looking for a way to make this happen faster, before they lose more income."
"Hmm." Richard uncrossed his legs and leaned forward. "Here's what I'll do, mainly because Will was a good man. I respected him for his common sense and his devotion to his family. I'll come to Stars Hollow on Monday and meet with Luke. I'll ask him to explain his business plan to me. If it seems like a sound investment, I'll offer him the loan."
"Oh, Daddy, thank you!" Lorelai cried out, hardly believing that it was going to be this easy.
"We'll need collateral," Emily quickly interjected.
"Of course," Lorelai agreed. "I'm sure that Luke will –"
"Not Luke." Emily turned her steely gaze on her. "You."
"Me?" Lorelai was dumbfounded. "I don't have anything worth anything!"
"You have more than you realize." Emily's thoughtful eyes wandered towards Rory.
"Now, just hold on a minute!" Lorelai got to her feet.
"Lorelai, sit down! There's no need to be so dramatic!" Emily shook her head at her daughter. "What I'm trying to say is that we've very much enjoyed the times we've gotten to see you and Rory this year, but I'd like more. I'd like us to feel like a family again. What if we said we'd get together more often? What if we had a family dinner once a week?"
"Mom, there's no way we could do that, not with my schedule and everything. The logistics of trying to make that happen would be insane."
"Why would it be that difficult? Surely you have one night off a week."
"It's not just work. It's the travel time. It would be a nightmare."
"It's barely a half hour between here and Stars Hollow."
Lorelai scoffed. "Do you think I can just jump into a car and drive straight here or something?"
Emily looked confused. "I don't know why not. How did you get here today?"
"We took the bus."
"The bus?" Emily was horrified. "Drug dealers take the bus!"
"Guess that's why the guy in the back was so jumpy when the white powder spilled out of his bag," Lorelai said sarcastically.
"Well, I don't care. I don't want you girls riding the bus."
"Maybe we could come up with a different solution," Richard said, jumping in before the conversation could escalate again. "Maybe we could make sure you had a car at your disposal."
Immediately, Lorelai began to shake her head.
"Lorelai, don't say no just to spite us. Let's negotiate this like adults. Just answer the question honestly: would a car improve your life?"
"Yes," Lorelai said, scowling. "But –"
"Yes." Richard nodded. "There's our starting point. Now, let's remember that you've taken nothing from us in the last three years, and until recently, we've not seen you at all. In the interest of rectifying that, we're prepared to offer you a means of transportation."
"You're not giving me a car!"
"No, of course not." Richard looked at her steadily. "It would be a loan of some kind. The same kind of loan you're expecting Luke to accept without a quibble."
That shut her up fast.
"Now, let's say that your mother and I purchase a car for your use, to be kept at your home. You will be responsible for the operating costs. Gas, insurance, maintenance, whatever else is needed."
Lorelai could see that she was beaten. She also begrudgingly acknowledged that turning down something that could make her life one hundred percent easier was pure folly. "I help to pick out the car. It has to be something completely reasonable. A good, dependable, used car. Nothing too expensive."
"I'm sure we can find something we all agree on."
"And we set up some sort of repayment plan, so that eventually I'll own the car."
"Yes, we can do that as well."
"Then…OK," Lorelai reluctantly agreed.
"And we'll have dinner once a week," Emily pushed.
"Mom, that's just too much," Lorelai argued again. "What with my work, and getting Rory to bed at a decent hour, I just don't see how that can happen without driving me crazy." She took a deep breath. "How about once a month?"
"That's acceptable, as long as we can come to Stars Hollow once a month, too, and take Rory on some kind of little excursion around town, the way we've done over the summer," Emily countered.
"Emily Gilmore, you drive a hard bargain." Lorelai collapsed back against the couch. "Done."
"Excellent," Emily all but gloated.
"Wonderful," Richard agreed. "Now, is there any chance the rest of us could get some of those fancy little cakes?"
They went into the kitchen and found Emily's stash of bridge club goodies. Then they took Rory around the house, showing her where Lorelai had grown up. Rory was big-eyed at the huge dollhouse and overcome with the thought that there was a pool just outside the dining room doors.
Lorelai was surprised at how quickly the time passed. She pointed at the clock on the mantle. "Hey, sorry, but we're going to need to get going."
"Where are you going?"
"Home, of course." Lorelai was busy checking Rory's backpack.
"How are you getting back?"
"The bus, how else?"
"You are certainly not going home on the bus!" Emily scolded. "Richard, do something!"
"Your mother's right. We'll drive you home," Richard agreed.
"Dad, it's not that simple. We'd need a car seat for Rory."
"Ah, yes. I see. Give me a minute." He left the room. When he returned, he looked pleased. "Alphonso is running down to Target to buy one. He has a grandson about Rory's age, so he knows exactly what we need."
Lorelai started to chuckle. "Seriously? You're buying a car seat, just so you can take us home today?"
"Yes, why not? That's the easiest solution to the problem, is it not?"
Lorelai couldn't stop laughing. "In your world, I guess it is."
"This could be your world, too, Lorelai," her mother reminded her.
"No, Mom, it's not. Not anymore." She took a deep breath. "I'll visit here, and I'll bring Rory, but my home is always going to be in Stars Hollow. That's where I belong. That's where my life is."
Her parents exchanged glances. "All right. I guess we can live with that," Emily conceded with a sigh. "For now."
On the way home, her father looked at her in the rear-view mirror. "Lorelai, I've heard that there's a marvelous Mexican restaurant on the edge of town. How would you feel about stopping for some tacos?"
Lorelai turned her head towards the window, to hide her incredulous smile. This day had not turned out anything the way she thought it would. "That's a rhetorical question, right?"
"Tacos it is!" Richard said gaily.
"I like tacos!" Rory said happily.
"Then let's go get you as many as you can eat," said her doting grandfather.
"Richard," Emily murmured, a gentle chastisement.
"What?" he protested. "I'm spoiling her every chance I get, Emily. You'd better get used to it." He glanced again into the rear-view mirror. "I've got a lot of missed tacos to make up for."
Lorelai and Rory joined the Danes for dinner on Sunday night. When she was in the kitchen, preparing to start on the dishes, Luke pulled her aside.
"I went down to the lake," he told her, as if he was admitting some deep, dark secret.
"Kinda cold for a swim," Lorelai remarked. "Hope you didn't skinny dip."
"No. I went because Dad…Dad liked being down at the lake. I did what you said."
She looked at him quizzically, not wanting to jump to conclusions.
"I walked around the lake, and I thought about all the times I'd been there with Dad. Fishing. Talking. Just…being there, together. I thought about a lot of our times together. Working on the boat. Throwing a baseball back and forth." He drew in a breath. "It hurt, thinking about him, because I do miss him. It sucks that he's not here."
"It does," she agreed.
"And although it didn't solve any of my problems, for some reason it made me feel better." He shook his head at her. "Why being sad ended up making me a little bit happier, I don't know."
"I don't either. Maybe doing some remembering starts the healing process, or something."
"Maybe." He put his hands on her shoulders. "Anyway, I wanted to let you know that your crazy suggestion actually ended up helping."
"I'm glad."
He tightened his grip for a moment, then patted her shoulders and stepped away. "Now, tomorrow, I'll see about tackling the rest of my problems."
"That's the spirit," Lorelai said, but she fought down a chill that tickled her spine. She hoped that tomorrow wasn't going to ruin the friendship they'd forged between them. She knew he'd be furious when he found out what she'd done. But she'd done the only thing she could. Surely, he'd understand.
Eventually he'd understand…
Maybe.
On Monday morning, Lorelai pulled her cleaning cart into the first room on her list and automatically began her routine. Cleaning guest rooms was just like washing dishes for her. She sank into the rhythm of it without actually devoting much thought to what her hands were doing. She kept about ten percent of her brain tracking her work, but the other ninety percent was free to drift away. It wasn't Liz's morning at the inn, so she didn't even have her friend's periodic interruptions to distract her. It was just Spic and Span and her always active imagination.
She was almost done with her third room when she heard some kind of commotion going on in the hallway. Shouting. She turned to the open door of room 28. It was a rare occurrence for a guest at the Independence to make a scene, but it had happened. She glanced at the phone in the room, wondering if she should call security, but talked herself out of it until she knew more about what was going on. She went to the doorway in an effort to hear better.
It was definitely someone shouting. A man's voice, angry and loud, and getting closer to her location. And then she heard her name. She recognized the furious voice.
She closed her eyes and sighed. She'd hoped it wouldn't come to this, but she wasn't exactly surprised.
She stepped out into the hallway. "Luke, up here," she called. "Room 28."
A few seconds later, Luke barreled around the corner and stormed up the hall to where she was. He was breathing hard and his face glowered in anger. Although she'd guessed how he'd react, she now realized that she wasn't anywhere near prepared for the depth of his anger. She'd been picturing anger-lite, maybe something similar to when Jess had accidentally spilled juice over Luke's notes from one of his classes. She'd been expecting Bruce Banner on a bad day; she hadn't once considered that the Hulk would show up instead.
Unconsciously, she backed into the room, away from this angry man who suddenly seemed taller and more solidly built than she remembered.
He followed her in, but then didn't seem to know what to do. He glared at her and shook his head. He turned and paced. He balled up his fists and waved them in the air.
"I am – I am…so mad at you!" he finally growled out. He opened his hands and reached out towards her, then thought better of it and brought them in to his chest, clenching his hands together as if they'd circle her neck if he gave them free rein. "I am so fucking mad at you! Do you understand that?"
"Yeah, I do," she said quietly. "I knew you would be."
"You did, did you?" He spun around, jittery with anger. He smacked the credenza with an open palm and then faced her again. "You knew I'd be mad. Yet you did it anyway. Why the hell did you do it?"
"Because –" she started to say, fully willing to give him an answer. But then Mia was there, rushing in through the open door. She put herself between them, with one hand holding her side, breathing fast from her run through the hallways.
She turned a stern eye towards Luke. "Lucas, just what is the meaning of this?"
Luke's jaw tensed, a muscle in it jumped. "This doesn't concern you, Mia. This is between Lorelai and me."
"I beg to differ. When you run shouting through my hallways, disrupting my business, frightening my guests, it certainly is my concern!"
He tore his angry eyes away from Lorelai just long enough to glance at Mia. "For that, I apologize. I will come talk to you afterwards, and apologize again, or do whatever it is you need me to do. But for right now, you go. Lorelai and I need to have this out."
"It's all right, Mia," Lorelai said, remaining as quiet and as calm as she could be in the face of Luke's anger. "He has a right to yell at me for a while, and I understand."
Mia turned around to study her briefly, then swiveled her head once more Luke's way. "I think not," she said, taking a step closer to Lorelai, obviously ready to protect her as needed.
Luke took a deep breath, held it, and when he let it out, he took a step back, so he could lean a hip against the credenza. Slightly calmer, he folded his arms across his chest. "Ask her. Go ahead. Ask her what she did."
Mia glanced again at Lorelai, this time inquisitively.
Lorelai squared her shoulders. "I went to my parents," she said resolutely.
Mia's eyes went wide. "You did what?"
Luke snorted in triumph at her stunned reaction.
"I went to my parents," Lorelai said again, not backing down. "I took Rory, and I got on the bus to Hartford. And when I got there, I asked them to consider loaning Luke the money he needs to complete the renovation."
Mia's mouth was hanging open from this confession, but she recovered enough to swivel back to Luke. "You need money? Why in the world didn't you just come to –"
"Not the point," Luke said brusquely.
"Right, right," she murmured. She turned uncertainly towards Lorelai. "My dear, I'm not sure that was entirely the right choice of action."
Luke straightened up, still visibly angry, but it was more of a simmering anger now, and not rolling off of him. "And she did it without one word to me. No discussion. She just took it upon herself to go solve my problem."
"I…I see," Mia said hesitantly, no longer in defense mode.
"It's OK," Lorelai said again. "He totally deserves to be angry. I knew he would be. I took that into consideration when I got on the bus to Hartford."
"That does change things, somewhat." Mia stepped out from between them. "Lucas, I will expect you in my office in ten minutes' time," she informed him, checking her watch. Still concerned, she glanced at Lorelai, then defiantly tilted her chin Luke's way. "And if there's so much as one hair on Lorelai's head out of place when this is over, I will flay you alive."
For the first time, Luke dropped his eyes, looking ashamed. "You know I'd never…" He faded off. "I might punch a hole in the wall, but I'd never…" He couldn't even say the words. "Lorelai is completely safe, you know that."
"You punch a hole in my wall, young man, and you are repairing it yourself," Mia informed him coolly.
"No hole-punching, either," he sighed.
"All right. Ten minutes," she reminded them, and then left the room. She closed the door behind her. They heard her shooing away the staff and guests that had congregated in the hall.
In the quiet of Mia's departure, they looked uncomfortably at each other.
Once again, Luke leaned back against the long bureau. "So, you went to Hartford."
"I did."
"Why? Why, Lorelai? Why would you do such an insane thing?"
"Because I didn't want you to have to wait. Your idea to serve food in the store is brilliant, and that's not just my opinion. Most of the town can't wait until it's finished. I know it's going to be a success. People are going to come in to buy some nails, and they'll smell hamburger frying and stop for a sandwich, too. They'll come in for coffee and a Danish, and they'll remember they need a new broom. This is really going to work out, Luke."
"Well, I hope so, but –"
"And I know, you would have figured it out, like you said. You would have gone to the bank, or refinanced, or found some other solution. But setting up a meeting at the bank, signing paperwork, waiting for it to be approved – that all takes time. More time with the store all torn up and no income coming in. Maybe waiting means you can't get Tom and his guys back for a while, because they've found another job. I didn't want you to wait, and get more upset, and work yourself even harder than you are now. I didn't want you to worry. I wanted you – just once – to have what you wanted."
His eyes connected with hers. It was one of those fraught moments that sometimes passed between them, where they seemed to be having a parallel conversation to the one that used words.
He tore his eyes away and braced his arms against the bureau. He sighed, looking down at the floor. "Worry," he muttered. He looked back at her. "You want to talk about worry?" He pushed up to his feet and began to pace again, some of his previous tension returning. "Your dad shows up this morning, with no warning. He seems to know all about the renovation; about my money problems. He's asking me all sorts of questions about the building plans. What are my financial goals? What's my business plan? And I'm stumbling around like an idiot. I can barely answer anything he's asking me. I can't even think about blueprints or goals, and do you know why? Do you know the only thing that's in my head?" He was angry again, glaring at her, but yet he also seemed sad. And…frightened, almost.
He paused and looked searchingly at her, so she shook her head, not sure what he was asking.
"I'm this scattered mess in front of your dad, without a clue, without any answers for him, because I'm so worried about you. All I can think about is what did it cost you to go to them? How did they treat you? Are you OK? Is Rory OK?" He paused and gulped down a shaky breath. "Dear God, Lorelai. I was so scared. I was terrified about what they might have extracted from you. I'd rather be destitute and live out of a van on the street than to know they forced you into something because of me." His eyes landed on her again. "Are you all right?" he asked desperately.
Her heart fluttered but she wasn't sure why. He didn't seem to be all that angry anymore. There was no reason for it to be skipping a beat now. "I'm fine," she assured him.
"Are you sure? They didn't threaten you with something?"
"No, nothing like that." She pressed her lips together, trying to think how to explain it. "In fact, I think it was a good thing that I went."
"Really?" He sounded skeptical.
"I won't lie. I was petrified to go there. It took every bit of courage I had to step into that house. But…" She drew in a measured breath. "Once I was there; once we started talking – I realized that they can't threaten me with anything anymore."
"Really?" he repeated.
"Really," she nodded. "In my head, I was still this scared seventeen-year-old kid, but the longer I was there, the more we talked – I realized that wasn't the case anymore. They can't threaten me now. I'm an adult. I've taken good care of Rory for three years, and she's healthy and happy. I have a steady job. Sure, they could still try to take her away from me, I guess, but on what grounds? And once I realized that, I started to relax. I started to talk to them like we were all adults, not like I was there groveling for a favor because I couldn't make it on my own. I'm sure I'll always be a little unnerved being around them, but it's no longer because I'm scared of them."
"And you're all right?"
"I'm really all right. In fact, I think I may have even ended up with a car out of the trip, so yeah, it went well."
He shook his head at her. "Only you could go beg for money and wind up with a car too. Remind me to take you along the next time I go for a loan at the bank."
"All you have to do is ask. I'm happy to share my negotiation skills."
The phone in the room rang, and they looked at each other.
Lorelai went to answer it. "Yes?" She looked over at Luke and nodded. "We're fine. Everything's fine. Right, I'll tell him." She hung up the phone. "Mia," she confirmed.
"I'd better go, then." He sighed, looking at the door. "I've got some groveling of my own to do."
She followed him over. "I know you think I should say I'm sorry, but I won't. I'm not sorry, Luke. It was the only thing I could think to do to help you, and I'm glad I did it. I'd do it again tomorrow, if I had to."
He examined her face, then slowly nodded. "I know I'm not yelling anymore, but I'm still really angry, Lorelai. And I know you want me to say it's OK, but it's not. I can't forgive you yet."
Another chill ran down her spine and the fear hit her that maybe he never could. Maybe she didn't even deserve his friendship, and then what would she do? "I understand," she said quietly, stoically.
He opened the door and stepped out into the hall, preparing to go face Mia. But then another question popped into her head and she rushed out after him.
"Luke, wait! What did you tell my dad? Are you going to take the loan?"
"Of course I am," he said. "I'm not crazy."
He disappeared down the hall and she went back into the room. She shut the door and sat down on the desk chair, wondering if she'd driven a wedge between them that could never be removed.
"Lorelai? Can you step in here, please?"
Lorelai had been on her way to clock out when she heard Mia's voice. She backed up and looked in through the office door.
"Come in," Mia urged her, waving her arm. "Close the door."
Uh-oh. Close the door was never good.
"I need to pick up Rory soon," she said uneasily, taking a seat in front of Mia's desk.
"Of course. This shouldn't take long."
"If this is about Luke today…" She inhaled. "I truly am sorry about that. I knew there'd be a fight, but I never expected him to bring it over here. I'm so sorry that it caused a scene in front of the guests."
"Luke and I reached an understanding about that. We've made peace. No, that's not what I want to talk to you about."
"Oh!" Lorelai was surprised, then perplexed. "What is it, then?"
"Well, for one thing, I feel really stupid."
"You feel stupid? What about?"
"About you." Mia paused, for just the right amount of time to land her next comment. "And Luke."
Lorelai's heart rate sped up. "What are you talking about?"
"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about." She gazed at Lorelai in a no-nonsense way. "It's Luke," she stated.
"It's Luke…what?" she mumbled, still hoping to deflect.
"Luke's been enamored with you for quite some time. I knew that." Mia shook her head. "I was just blind to the fact that it now goes both ways."
"Mia, no. That's not…no. I'm not…I mean, there's Rachel and…everything."
Mia's eyebrows rose. "Are we sure that Rachel is still in the picture?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, she's back, working at the Courant, so I can only assume…" Lorelai sighed deeply and looked down at her hands, clasped nervously in her lap.
"Then maybe the question is, should she still be in the picture?"
Lorelai pressed her lips together. "That's a question I can't answer."
"Ah, yes. You're correct about that." Mia sighed. "As I said, I knew how hard Luke fell for you, initially. I was the one who warned him off. At the time, I thought I was protecting you. Now I'm afraid I was completely wrong."
"It wasn't just you. It was me, too. I really thought he was the last thing I needed in my life. But somewhere along the line I changed my mind about that."
"Have you tried to let him know you've reconsidered?"
"No, because…" Lorelai wrung her hands together in frustration. "Rachel."
"I see. There lies the dilemma."
Lorelai snorted a bitter laugh. "And you think you feel stupid."
"I do. You and Luke are two of the people dearest to my heart, but I didn't see what was going on between you."
"Mia, could I ask…At the beginning, why did you tell him to leave me alone?"
Mia gave her an odd look, as if she was trying to read between the lines. "Because he was a different Luke at that time, one that I didn't trust when it came to you. I thought that his regard for you was no more than lining up another conquest. My goal was to protect you. I didn't want him meddling with you and Rory and making your life even more difficult than what it was."
"You thought I couldn't handle him on my own?"
"No. Of course not. And you did. I just…I just couldn't stand to see you hurt."
"And for sure you thought he'd hurt me. You didn't think that there was any way that we'd – I don't know – click? That maybe we were – God, this is so corny – meant to be a couple?"
"Lorelai, at that time, no. I didn't. You were so vulnerable, and he was so cocky and full of himself. I didn't see it as a good match. I only saw it as a path to heartbreak for you."
She lowered her head, feeling defeated once again. "I see."
Mia leaned forward. "But for the record, that's not how I see it now."
"Oh?"
"Luke is back to being the same dear boy he used to be, steady and serious. You've shed most of the fear that used to follow you everywhere and have gained so much confidence. And you and Luke have had time to grow into a great friendship. Now it would be an equal match between you. No longer would your relationship be light and frivolous. It would be something strong and right. Something that's even written in the stars, perhaps." Mia's eyes twinkled at her. "How's that for corny?"
"Friends," Lorelai murmured, worrying her hands together.
"What's that, dear?"
"We are friends. He's as good of a friend to me as Liz is now. And sometimes I wonder if the reason I'm scared to change anything is because if I do something stupid, I lose his friendship completely. Sometimes I think I worry more about that than I do potentially hurting Rachel."
"Maybe your first step should be to determine exactly where things stand concerning Rachel."
"Yeah, that's not happening. He told me the other day that he was not discussing Rachel with me." She sounded exactly like Luke as she repeated his words.
Mia looked at her meaningfully. "And why do you think he said that?"
"I don't know. And I try very hard not to read more into anything he says. I don't want to get my hopes up." She looked frankly at Mia, glad to finally be able to voice her fears. "And even though he was really into me at the beginning, I'm not sure that's still the case. I mean, sure, he's a guy, and there are times I can tell that he appreciates what I'm wearing, but maybe that's as far as it goes. Maybe friendship and a short skirt is all he wants from me. I'm his sister's pal and I'm at his house all the time. Maybe this relationship I'm fantasizing about all the time is just a figment of my imagination."
Mia shook her head. "I can see Luke burying his feelings for you, because he'd think that was the right thing to do. Because, as you say, you're his sister's friend. You're at his house all the time. He knows full well how much his father adored you."
Lorelai blew out a breath. "And his girlfriend is always hovering about, even when she's on another continent."
"Yes, that's true. And, the most important thing of all, deep-down he was raised to be a gentleman. You told him no. I can see him stepping back, respecting your wishes. Knowing him the way I do, I can see him believing that was your final answer. Luke has always been a bit of a fatalist. It would be totally in character for him to disregard how he really feels for you, believing that nothing is ever going to change."
"What a mess," Lorelai groaned, hiding her eyes behind her hands.
"You know, I would be happy to just mention to him that you seem –"
"No! God, no. Everything is weird enough the way it is." She pushed the hair back from her forehead. "There's so much going on right now, anyway, between the renovation and whatever's happening with Rachel. I don't want to cause more disruption. Let the store get open again, and by then, maybe I'll have more of a handle on how he feels about her. One thing at a time."
"Very well. Let me give you one piece of advice, and then I'll let you go. Don't ever think you can sneak behind his back again and 'fix' something for him. His pride won't allow it. Your friendship will break, if you push on it like that."
Lorelai shivered as fear spiraled over her again. "Yeah, I've already figured that out."
"Then, my dear, go in peace." Mia held up her hands in a pretend benediction. "Go with my blessing. Just remember that I'm here, if you need someone to talk to."
On the way to get changed, Lorelai basked in a bit of a warm glow. She preened because Mia said she and Luke were a good match. Her head rose even higher as she remembered that Will too believed they should be together.
Now, if she could just get Luke to agree…
…and if Rachel would go live with Dalai Lama for six months, or get lost on a glacier or something…
She sighed as she opened her locker. If only life was that easy.
Author's Chat: I'm editing the chapter after this one too, and I almost put the note intended for that one here. That would have resulted in mass confusion, I'm sure! Let me just say that I've absolutely loved writing this story. I'm tempted to drag my heels about finishing it up, just because I don't want to lose this particular version of Stars Hollow. I love it here! Where, just as in real life, things are slowly getting better. Hang in there! Better days are coming for us all! (Please, please, please, please...)