TW - Character Death
Flakewhisker's POV
The den was dark and cool, almost too much so, but its coolness could not be appreciated when she was burning with fever. Flakewhisker could hardly stand to move out of her tightly curled position without the fire of a thousand aching joints bombarding her. The greencough not only gave her its normal symptoms, but it seemed to have affected every other vulnerable part of her as well, her ears were constantly ringing, her head pounding, and her joints stiffening. But she knew, with her medicine cat's knowledge, that being curled like this wasn't good for her breathing. So, with a groan, she uncurled herself, pushing herself painfully into a sitting position.
Foxdung, here comes the coughing fit. As soon as she'd sat up, the wheezy gasp came rushing up her throat like a swarm of startled bats, launching her into a fit of coughing. Through watering eyes, she looked for Birchtail. The least he could do, she thought between coughs, would be to leave a little bit of tansy or something nearby so he doesn't have to keep running around fetching herbs and exhausting himself.
But she couldn't blame him, not with the misery that each death in the past few days had brought the clan. After Hawkscream had been buried, Pansyheart's kit Whisperkit had passed away as well. Despite being treated with the catmint Birchtail had wheedled out of that mouseheart Willowstep, Whisperkit hadn't taken to the treatment like his littermates, and fell into a weak state. Combined with the dwindling amount of prey and cold weather, it was too much for the poor scrap, and he died days later.
The biggest shock had been when Ravendusk died. The dark she-cat seemed to be perfectly healthy before contracting greencough and choking on her own saliva one night. She was older, which made some sense, but no one had been expecting it.
The clan's morale was low, and despite boosts from Silverstar and that idiotic furball Hailwhisker, the confidence ThunderClan had at the beginning of leafbare was starting to run out for good.
Finally catching her breath, Flakewhisker focused on steadying her breathing, trying to recall a time in her medicine cat career in which greencough had plagued the clan this badly. For some reason, her first leafbare as an apprentice came to mind. She had been a fluffy apprentice then, with much more luxurious tortoiseshell fur and a less stooped, arthritic-ridden body.
It had been snowing for the past few days, and Flakepaw pursued her brother Midgepaw in a wild chase, tossing chunks of snow into the air with every bound. He'd tried messing around with the stores again, when she was clearly busy with all the cats sick with greencough and whitecough. It was his misfortune that Flakepaw had been there instead of her mentor. Figblossom, who probably would have gently reprimanded the mousebrained apprentice, was much more mellow than the wild Flakepaw. Flakepaw wanted to spill blood.
Okay, deep down, Flakepaw knew that Midgepaw was only trying to cheer her up after Tansystar lost a life. Despite Figblossom telling her over and over that it wasn't her fault, Flakepaw couldn't help but wonder if she'd noticed that Tansystar had taken a turn for the worse from whitecough to greencough, then she would've been treated faster, and not have lost her life. What if it had been a cat who didn't have lives to spare? Then she'd really be responsible for their death.
It was bad days like those that made Flakepaw regret choosing to be a medicine cat. She had chosen to be a medicine cat because she believed it would be the best way to help her clan. She much preferred the art of herbs to clumsily learning battle moves or missing prey as she collapsed under the weight of her fluffy fur that she inherited from her grandmother, Flyspark.
Gasping for air, Flakepaw collapsed in a pile of snow and fur, while Midgepaw ran circles around her, sticking out his tongue. On his third circle around her, he noticed the forlorn look on her face and stopped, leaning in close as he peered into her green eyes. He was a little too close for comfort, but Flakepaw only gave him a half-hearted swipe with her left paw before resigning herself to allow her brother to be a pain in the tail.
"What?" She grumbled from under her fur. "Come to torture me until my soul departs from my wretched body like Lakestorm massacring her mice?"
"No, silly." Midgepaw responded with his dopey voice. "I just wanna know why you have such a grumpy face."
"What do you mean? My face is always this grumpy when you're around." Flakepaw retorted. "Get outta my face, ya gray hairball."
"No thanks, I'm good." Midgepaw meowed, jumping on top of her. To be fair, Flakepaw barely felt it under all her tortoiseshell fur. "I think I'll just fight you until you tell me why you're so upset." He proceeded to chew on her scruff, until he spat it out with a snarl. "Why in StarClan's name did you have to be so fluffy, Flakepaw?"
"Why don't you ask those pieces of mousedung yourself?" Flakepaw roared, leaping to her paws. The unexpected move sent Midgepaw tumbling into a pile of snow. Shaking the snow from her pelt, Flakepaw launched herself at her brother, swatting at him madly. Soon they were both tumbling together in the snow, not caring how much they now resembled the snow themselves. All Flakepaw could see was her brother's laughing face, the sparkle in his eyes. He'd done what he'd come to do, cheer his sister up.
Flakewhisker blinked. She missed Midgewillow. And Figblossom. StarClan, she missed everyone. Where did the time go? When she was so worried about a leader losing a life, instead of realizing what a friend she had in her own brother.
What a sensitive yet naive creature she'd been back then. Her heart weighed heavily in her chest. Birchtail reminded her of herself in many more ways than that. He was a quieter one than she had been, but she could sense that stubborn streak that he hid just beneath the surface. It came out when he encountered a mouse-brained warrior who in the name of chivalry wanted to wait until every other warrior had been treated before they got their own wounds treated. Or claimed that they weren't even that bad, when they were clearly stinking of infection.
Or the dungheads who were obviously sick with greencough but pretended they were fine, like Birchtail's idiot brother Stormfang.
And he was naive. Oh, so naive. With blind faith he spoke to StarClan, trusting his ancestors from the crown of his head to the tip of his tail. Flakewhisker had never been as close to StarClan, something her old mentor Figblossom ridiculed her endlessly for. She just didn't have any respect for her ancestors! What in StarClan's name was she going to do? Figblossom's concern had been well-founded, but sometimes one just had to accept that some things just didn't work out. At least the clan would be covered in the spiritual side of things when she was gone.
Flakewhisker could say that she still had a small scrap of hope that she'd make it out of this one alive, but overall, she knew her time was probably coming to a close. Without catmint, the strongest cats would probably pull through, but older cats like her, like Ravendusk, like Hawkscream- they were doomed to die.
Time passed by for her in odd increments. Sometimes, she'd wake up from a painful nap full of coughing to find that it was in the middle of the night. Other times she'd find herself awakening at sunhigh, which was bizarre to her. Normally the camp would be full of cats sharing tongues, chattering away, but now most of the healthy cats were either sleeping or out hunting, trying in vain to find enough prey to provide for the clan.
But it wasn't like the sick cats had much of an appetite. Flakewhisker sure didn't. Whenever Birchtail brought over freshkill, even the smallest shrew wouldn't be finished between her and Lilacfall, whose nest was closest to hers. And Flakewhisker didn't tell Birchtail that usually, Lilacfall was the one who ate most of the prey. The she-cat was thin as a twig. Flakewhisker blamed Ravendusk, her mother, for that. Maybe now that she was gone the young she-cat would start eating a bit more.
Flakewhisker looked around the shadowy den, and realized it was one of those moonhigh times again. Though she tried, the tight feeling in her chest wouldn't loosen enough for her to properly go back to sleep. Even if she hadn't been feeling so ill, she probably would have trouble falling asleep anyway, what with Lilacfall snoring like a badger in the nest beside her.
And there was something in the back of her mind, a creeping suspicion like poison lying there, waiting for her to reach back there and touch it. She could easily do so, but it filled her with such fear that she knew she wasn't ready. Not yet. A cold shiver went up her spine, traveling all the way up to her numb paws. Looking around the den, she narrowed her eyes, and croaked quietly.
"Birchtail?"
"Flakewhisker?" The response was almost immediate. As Birchtail quietly walked over to her, she scowled at him.
"You should be sleeping," Flakewhisker rasped, staring at the young brown tom as angrily as a disturbed badger.
"So should you." Birchtail responded coolly, sitting down in front of her nest. He wrapped his tail around his paws. "I couldn't sleep anyway."
"You could have at least pretended to be sleeping." Flakewhisker grumbled, though it had been why she'd called his name in the first place. She knew her apprentice too well to even think that he could be sleeping right now.
"What do you need, Flakewhisker?" Birchtail sighed, choosing to ignore her last comment. As he usually did. "I could bring you some tansy, or even some feverfew, if you have a fever." He thought for a moment. "Or coltsfoot! If only we had a fresh batch though…"
"Tansy would be nice." Flakewhisker interrupted, before Birchtail lost himself in the recitation of herbs. "But…" She paused to clear her ever tight throat, voice growing grim as it did nothing but grow worse. "...that's not what I called you over for."
Birchtail only stared back at her silently, but Flakewhisker could see the dread in his green eyes. That dread had been there ever since she'd gotten sick, and had only grown more pronounced as time drew on. Actually, it was probably before that. Maybe when the greencough epidemic had started. Yes, that could be when.
Or maybe, a malicious voice whispered, one that she usually kept in check, it was the day when you first crushed him-
No! She wasn't completely helpless yet. Voices like that did no good for anyone.
"I just want you to be prepared, for, you know…" Flakewhisker mumbled finally, not meeting her former apprentice's eyes. "When the time comes."
"Y-you mean, if the time comes." Birchtail always tried not to stammer when he was upset, but he usually failed miserably. He wore his emotions like burrs on his pelt. They were painful and obvious to those around him. If Flakewhisker hadn't put up thick barriers long ago his strong emotions would probably sting as badly as a wasp's barb.
Flakewhisker was about to respond when she was consumed with another round of coughing. How ironic. "I don't believe it is a matter of if anymore." She groaned, rolling over. It was difficult. "Foxdung. I wanted to yell at Figblossom from her cushy nest in StarClan. But I learned to deal with it. I... I adapted. You'll do it too. Eventually."
Why was it that Birchtail's emotions suddenly seemed to fill the den with their fury? Flakewhisker felt bombarded. Violated. Maybe it was her fever, but the den seemed to warm up significantly. Normally, she didn't force Birchtail to speak his mind. But eventually, she couldn't take it anymore, and had to break the tense silence that had been building.
"What's up with you? Spit it out!" Flakewhisker nearly begged, feeling stifled. Birchtail startled briefly, then his eyes narrowed, before taking their usual soft innocent look.
"What do you mean? I'm fine." With a slight bitter edge to his voice, he added, "Just taking it all in."
"You're not 'fine.'" Flakewhisker nearly howled, longing to writhe in agony. What in StarClan's name was wrong with her? "Tell me what's on your mind before you make me say something I regret."
"I told you, it's nothing." Birchtail said, ice grating on every word. As if a storm had broken overhead, the den switched from hot to cold in an instant. Flakewhisker started shivering, but Birchtail didn't seem to notice.
"Birchtail, you need to tell me right now." Flakewhisker meowed again, teeth chattering. Why was she letting him see how desperate she was?
How far you've fallen. You're as pitiful as a kittypet.
Shut up! She glared with all her power at Birchtail, but the young tom was unyielding, his jaw set firmly.
Then out of thin air, she thought of something cruel, something that just might break him, but before she could properly think of its consequences, it popped out.
"This is about Invisiblepelt, isn't it?" She asked, unable to keep the sneer out of her voice.
Birchtail's face remained hard as stone, but his voice trembled. "What does that have to do with it?"
"You want to know why I don't believe in him." Flakewhisker continued. Birchtail remained silent. "Your final question you had to ask before I die." Might as well say it. "Maybe you thought that once Hawkscream died, I might wise up and start believing in him, for her sake. Or maybe, that's why you believe in him now, at least more than before. You doing it for your poor, bee-brained excuse for a mother who barely gave you a second glance the day you were born?"
"Stop it." Birchtail hissed, but Flakewhisker knew she'd struck a nerve.
"Maybe if you believe in him, it'll make up for her dying of greencough. Such a painful thing, when your own kin dies right in front of you, and you're helpless." She laughed harshly. "I should know. And maybe, you're holding onto the hope that if Invisiblepelt is real, he'll come save you from this mess. Magically cure everyone? Bring everyone back? Make your mother love you? Convince even the most skeptical medicine cat of his existence?"
"Shut up." Birchtail nearly shrieked, had it not been for the other sleeping cats in the den. "You think you know me? How I'm feeling?" He scoffed. "You must think you know the motivations behind every cat in the clan, you- you…"
Just insult me. Just once. Flakewhisker thought, almost giddy. Or she was just really, really ill.
"I…" Birchtail sputtered. "I just don't understand you, Flakewhisker." Birchtail gasped, eyes watering with frustration.
Instantly, Flakewhisker sobered, letting out a little gasp as she gaped at Birchtail.
"You say one thing, and are almost kind to me, and you actually feel like a good cat, who cares about me." Birchtail continued, starting to shake with emotion. "Then other times, you insult me, belittle me, and make me feel like more of a nothing than I already am." He glowered at her, liquid dripping down his face. "Why?"
Flakewhisker's eyes were big and round. "T-there isn't really any reason." She stammered. Was there? She shifted in her nest, watery green eyes focusing on Birchtail's. "It's just the way it was."
"There has to be a reason!" Birchtail snapped. He pounded a paw on the ground. "There has to!" He began to pace around the den. "There had to be one day where you decided just to hate Invisiblepelt and hate me for believing in him, treating me like I was stupid for believing in him and asking questions, just telling me I was stupid, useless-" He broke down, shaking with sobs while Flakewhisker could only watch.
If she were a better cat, maybe she'd sit and think about the consequences of her actions, maybe tearfully apologize for all the wrongs she'd done to this poor cat. But all she could do was continue to stare at him as tears rolled down his face, bitter tears from moons without any proper consolation. Because the truth was, Flakewhisker didn't think she was capable of consoling him. Not when she never really did it for herself. She just pushed her feelings back farther and farther until she forgot about him.
It never really was about hating Invisiblepelt. It was just Birchtail, wasn't it?
Do I really hate him? She wondered.
So she continued to watch him cry, feeling dizzy.
Some time later, moments or moons, Flakewhisker couldn't be sure, Birchtail finally rose, wiping a paw over one of his eyes. He avoided her gaze, walking over to the walls of the den.
"Let me get you that tansy." He rasped, voice weak from the tears. Moments later the fragrant herb was dropped by Flakewhisker's muzzle, and Birchtail retreated to the other side of the den, mumbling for her to make sure she ate it slowly and chewed well.
Flakewhisker murmured her thanks, not even looking at the tansy.
You're an old fool, Flakewhisker. The voice told her with a sigh.
Flakewhisker looked up, startled. The voice, unlike the quiet one in her head, was audible to her ears. To her right, a sparkling cat stood, silver eyes glittering like stars.
"F-figblossom?" She stammered, rising to her feet. "What are you doing here?" Then she pawed herself in the head with a white paw. Duh.
Figblossom nodded, narrowing her eyes. "Didn't really leave things on the best note, did you, Flakewhisker?"
"Well, anyone could see that." Flakewhisker retorted, glaring back at her former mentor. "I could just go to the Dark Forest if it bothers you that much."
"It's not really up to me." Figblossom admitted, "But if it were, I certainly wouldn't be letting you leave this quickly. Not without an apology first."
"Well, it's not really up to me either." Flakewhisker responded, but doubt rang in her words. Could I really choose to stay?
"It's an option." Figblossom answered, reading her thoughts in a typical StarClan cat fashion. "But with all the pain you've caused him, maybe it would be a mercy if you left. Then maybe you'd be worthy of going to StarClan through that… kindness. If that's how you want to see it."
"I-I didn't mean to hurt him." Flakewhisker blurted in spite of herself, reddening beneath her thick fur. "I never wanted… this. How things ended up between us. I'm just-"
"A fool. We both know that." Figblossom finished, looking at Flakewhisker with pity in her starlit gaze. "Too bad you weren't capable of telling him that." She flicked her tail. "So, go or stay?"
"Go," Flakewhisker decided. "I'd rather not hurt him anymore."
"He'll be fine without you." Figblossom meowed, glancing toward the entrance to the medicine den. "He has cats who care about him."
"Even without catmint?" Flakewhisker asked. "There's still a greencough epidemic going on."
"Like I said, he'll be fine." Figblossom repeated, beckoning with her tail for Flakewhisker to follow. "Let's get going. We don't have all night."
Flakewhisker began to follow, sparing only one glance behind her, before moving forward. She still felt the weight of guilt, but as she ascended, it became lighter and lighter, until it only became a distant memory.
The next morning, as Flakewhisker's cooling body was buried, Birchtail wandered over to the side of the medicine den, feeling still muddled and stormy from the last night's events. Once he passed around the side, he stopped short, staring at the ground in disbelief.
Lying in the dust as if they'd just sprang up there, a pile of fresh green catmint was glittering in the morning sun, covered with a thin layer of melting frost.
And when he bent down to sniff the pile, there was no trace of another cat's scent. Just… nothing.
Many things:
1. I wanted Birchtail to blow up here, but instead he sorta just gave a little "pop." I guess though he harbors feelings, he's not very explosive.
2. Flakewhisker. Yeah, she's mean. But not mean enough to go to the Dark Forest. Deep deep down, she's a good cat. Just made mistakes.
3. Life is life is life is life is life.
4. Flakewhisker. Yes, her death was literally a chapter after Hawkscream's. But I felt like it was coming.
5. I really don't know what to think of this chapter, it came out, it's here, and I'm going with it. Despite it saddening me a lot, I feel like it's a necessary shift in the story.
6. Egads! Where did that catmint come from?
Guys, we're starting to hit endgame here! Not sure if it'll be 5 more chapters or 10, but it's definitely homestretch from here on out! Thanks for reading, reviewing, following, and faving! Let me know what you think! Reviews are the cat's meow, dudes!