As always, a huge shoutout to Mal for giving this chapter a proper betaing!
"...make sure to get your affairs in order first, just in case. Good luck, you poor bastard."
Ochako couldn't say for how long she sat there, surrounded by her friends, as the tears continued to flow from all of them. She felt so alone, yet she felt so connected. She felt hopeless, yet she felt hopeful. She felt lost at sea, yet she felt so at ease. So many contradictions in her mind, but one thing was absolutely certain.
She had to make a decision. Even without Deku's affirmation, it was a truth she already knew. One that she now had to act on. Tonight.
It was that thought which drew her, ever so slowly, out of the lull she'd found herself in. Time slowly began to make sense again. The thrumming warmth between her and her friends began to feel less like an ephemeral presence and more like the constant reminder of her own heartbeat. The breaths they all took slowly came back to her, reminding her that the rise and fall of their chests could also mark every second that was oh-so-slowly passing. The stemming of tears from them all brought her back to the reality that tears could be cried out of. Over time.
As the last of her ephemeral bubble cracked and fell away, time surged forward for Ochako. She looked around her.
Tooru and Jirou had fallen asleep in a pile on the couch in front of her, their tears having worn them out. Mina rested on the ground, hunched over Ochako's hand, with Iida by her side. The two supported one another as they slept in some…weird way. The fact that Iida hadn't made them all leave was a testament to how much he knew Ochako needed them all around her. She wearily smiled at him before turning her head to peer behind her. Tsu and Momo had come to rest there; both of them slept deeply while leaning against her back, the strain of the past two months finally pulling them both into a deep sleep.
A constant pressure on her hand brought her attention to the only other person who was awake in the room. His green eyes sought her out with an intensity that she knew he'd somehow never lost over the course of the evening.
"Deku-kun." It was a whisper. A recognition. Somehow, from her heart, an apology. She didn't know if he'd heard her; her voice was so quiet.
He surprised her by moving forward. His head lowered, and his mouth parted, a soft utterance barely passing his lips. "I'm here," he whispered, so soft that she could barely hear him. "What do you need?"
Ochako's eyes widened. How did he…?
Then, despite herself, a chuckle escaped her. Of course. This was Deku. He'd known to text her on her birthday when all this began. He'd always been available when she needed help in schoolwork or anything else. He'd chased after her the moment he knew that something was terribly wrong. He'd strategized and set in motion a plan the instant he had enough information to work with.
The question was never if Deku would help her. The question was never how he would know that she'd need his help. The question had only been when she would allow him to.
She leaned closer to him, his hand feeling scarred and scared and warm beneath her own.
"I—" A moment passed, the words all fighting to come out at once. She needed to confess, and a part of her wanted to do it now. Now, with the support of her friends, all unconscious in their vicinity, when she felt strong. Now, with Deku looking at her with such an intensity that she knew he'd understand every word. She needed to.
And yet…
Her parents flashed across her mind's eye. She couldn't do something this dangerous without saying goodbye. She felt warm pressure from all around her, and she knew that her friends slept without realizing that their last conversation could possibly be as a puddle of tears and catharsis. She thought about Recovery Girl and how she would never know that Ochako truly appreciated her. She thought of Edgeshot and Ryukyu and Nejire, all of whom had helped her grow to where she was now and would never watch her become a full-fledged hero.
"I…" She couldn't hold off confessing—the hanahaki would only get worse and she had no idea when might be her last chance to save herself—but she also needed to say goodbye just in case. But there wasn't enough time. She couldn't capture this moment and give it to them to keep forever…
Or…
Or…
Ochako thought, an idea coming to her mind. It was reckless, and it was desperate, but… She looked at Deku, who seemed to be waiting for her. Ready, as always, to help.
"I need to confess, but I want to say goodbye first," she whispered, the ludicrous idea planting itself firmly within her mind. It wouldn't leave. It wouldn't let go.
But it was a good idea and she was desperate, so what the hell. "Will you help me?"
Deku nodded, his mind already turning at an incredible rate. Ochako smiled. It was wan, and it was burdened with the weight of what they were going to do, but it was there.
Carefully, she untangled herself from her friends, letting each of them rest for a while longer as she finally took action. Once they were situated, she turned to Deku, who was waiting for what she had planned. Taking a breath that was only interrupted by one single flower, she told him what she had in mind.
It was time to get her affairs in order.
…/…/…/
UA was known for its tight security. Everyone knew this. What everyone didn't know, however, was that even the tightest security tended to have the smallest holes that only the right people could exploit.
Ochako and Deku both knew that the front door to the main building was locked. There wasn't any reason to try that. They'd both been scolded in their second year for trying, so they knew that the door had an alarm system on it to boot. What didn't have an alarm system, they'd found, was the roof.
"You ready?" asked Deku. He didn't have his Hero costume and neither did she, but what they were about to attempt made the best use of both their natural skills, so it wasn't like they'd need it.
"Ready."
Deku nodded and got into position. She, from a few meters away, hopped on her toes for a moment. Normally, she'd feel adrenaline and a giggle might escape her. Under normal circumstances, they'd be doing this to grab items they'd left in the classroom during the day that couldn't wait until the morning. Homework, a lucky pen on one count, and even a key chain. They'd done this a few times before and it was always an exhilarating experience rife with the perpetual threat of being caught.
Not tonight, though. Tonight, they were on a mission. A mission that suddenly seemed so much more important than a lost keychain.
Ochako didn't allow herself to dwell. In fact, she couldn't. Deku was incoming.
Ochako focused as she held out her arm, all five fingers spread. Lightning shot across his body as he rushed towards the most reinforced section of wall, and she waited…
Waited…
Waite—
Now!
Ochako hopped lightly and let herself be swept away by the moving force that was Deku. They'd discovered it was best to let him get a bit of a running start if they wanted to make it to the roof quickly, and this was the best way to get her on board. The speed made it easier for her to swing around and onto his back, and she was well in place by the time he dipped to make jumping easier.
Her fingers pressed against him only a moment before he jumped, and lightning shot after the both of them. The proximity to his Quirk never failed to set her skin aflame or increase her heartrate, and being swept away by it…
Being swept away by him…
Typically, the journey from the ground to the roof lasted far too short a time for Ochako. Feeling so close to him under the cover of night—even for something as silly as a pen—was usually a blessing. Now, however, they couldn't reach the roof fast enough. Once they hovered above the concrete, she released her Quirk quickly and clambered off, turning away to hack up petals of yellow and blue.
He was at her side instantly, murmuring apologies that she waved off as soon as she was able to.
"You don't need to apologize," she groaned, spitting out the last flower. Blue. She turned away from it, glancing upwards at her friend instead. "'S not your fault…"
"I know, but—" Deku fretted. Ochako smiled. She hoped that his caring heart never changed. Even after all of this. She made herself stand straight up.
"No buts." The reprimand was gentle, and she made sure he could see her smile. "It's not your fault."
It's not your fault I fell in love with you. It's not your fault I have hanahaki. None of this is your fault.
The thoughts teetered too dangerously close to a confession, and she doubled over as the wind was stolen from her lungs. Deku moved her hair as she gagged on more Verbuscum and the mystery flower. It was another moment before she could breathe again.
She was running out of time. There were too many things to say and do, and she didn't have much time to do them.
She looked back at Deku, and she knew his resolution matched her own.
The needed to get into the recording room.
…/…/…/
The hallways of UA were dark at night. If the two students were any less familiar with their school, they might have set off the security laser on the fifth floor (like they did their first time) or been caught by the camera near the hospital room (like they did their fifth time). They might have tripped or gotten lost or been caught by a patrolling drone (like they did their second time).
But no. They were Pros by now. They worked as a team. And since they often passed the recording room on the way to their usual destination—their homeroom—they made better time than normal.
Deku watched for security drones as Ochako picked the lock. Then they quickly stole away inside, letting the door latch behind them.
Any other night, this would be the moment of celebration. Of exhales and "I can't believe we're doing this again" titters. They'd grab what they need in the darkness and leave through the window, feigning ignorance the next day during class. Any other night.
Tonight, however, Ochako changed the script. She turned on the light. The room was instantly illuminated, and it took a moment for them both to adjust. The minute she did, though, she felt as though the wind had gotten knocked out of her, no flowers necessary.
"Wow…" said Deku, stealing the words right from her mouth. "That's… a lot."
A lot was an understatement. She'd never been in the recording room before—there hadn't been a need to—but she hadn't realized that creating the holodisks UA sent out to incoming freshmen had needed so much equipment.
"Think they have any instructions in here?" asked Ochako, somehow unable to tear her eyes away from a nearby camera. It was sleek and shiny. Was she even allowed to touch that?
"Um… maybe? I can't see why they wouldn't. I mean, what if they had new trainees that needed to make the holodisks? They have to make at least a hundred of them every year for the new freshmen that pass, maybe more if they pass holodisks out to the students who don't get in, so it would make sense to have instructions around here somewhere. Maybe if we try the desk? If not there, maybe on the walls or something?" Deku's fast-paced murmuring was something she was glad she could decipher, and the soothing sound of his voice in thought helped her feel a little more at ease in a room that absolutely screamed affluence. She nodded at his conclusion and forced herself to turn away from the camera.
She should have brought a bucket. She did not want to throw up on their expensive equipment.
Deku was already looking into the desk, opening drawers and carefully looking through them before replacing everything and moving to the next one. If he was going through there, then she needed to look around the walls. It was probably laminated, like a booklet or something.
As she edged closer to the wall, she could already tell that there wasn't going to be any sort of booklet anywhere on the wall. Instead, the surface was covered with messy sticky-notes and to-do lists. Talk to Lunch Rush. Record Present Mic. Request Iida-senpai for handbook reading. Meeting at 4. Instructional video for 2-C. Throw out botched holodisks (can record over, but sensei said to throw out ugh such a waste)
"Botched holodisks…?" asked Ochako, studying the note. She turned, this time looking for anything that might— "Oh. That was easy."
And indeed it was. Next to her was a box that was very clearly labelled. From 'blank' disks to 'botched' disks with several scribblings all over the front of the cardboard container. It looked like an argument between a student and their teacher, but the gist of the matter was that the teacher wanted the botched disks to be disposed of instead of recycled.
"That's a bit harsh…" said Ochako as she reached out and grabbed one. She flipped it over in her hand. It didn't seem broken at all.
Then again, neither did she… Maybe using these—already doomed to be junked—would be like a good sign or something. Like, if they could get a chance after being doomed, maybe she could, too. At the very least, she'd be helping the planet, right?
Well, it wasn't like anyone was going to mind either way. She'd use these. She wiped her eyes.
"Found it!" Ochako turned to see Deku pulling out a simple sheet of paper, a triumphant look on his face there for only a moment before he frowned. The heaviness of why they were there couldn't be kept away forever, after all. He scrutinized the paper. "Huh. Seems pretty easy, actually."
"Really?" Ochako grabbed the box and edged around the fancy equipment as her friend nodded.
"Yeah. Basically, we'll need…" Deku looked up from the paper and around to the different equipment. He spotted what he was looking for and pointed towards it. Ochako followed his finger and gulped. It was the sleek piece she'd been looking at earlier. "…that. And all we need to do is put the holodisk in and press record. Once we're done, we can just pop the disk out, label the disks with markers, and do the next one. Now all we need… huh? Where did you find those?"
Ochako turned back to Deku, who was looking at the box in her arms with wide eyes. Ochako kind of wanted to laugh at how surprised he seemed. She turned the box of holodisks in her hand, showing Deku the argument that had taken place on the front side of the box. His brows furrowed, and this time she did smile.
"Found these on the floor over there—" She gestured as well as she could with full hands. "—and I think they might do more good for us than just… being thrown out."
She looked at the holodisks in her hands. Some of them were probably too broken to use—the teacher had to have a reason for tossing them out, after all. She didn't even know if they would work. She didn't know if this would work.
Through blurred vision, she saw a hand reach into the box. She didn't realize she'd teared up again, but she couldn't wipe the tears away now. Instead, she could only watch as Deku gingerly took one of the holodisks and inspected it. He took it to the camera and placed it inside. He looked at the instructions, then he pressed a few buttons on the machine. It whirred to life.
"Uraraka-san." He turned from the machine to her, a smile on his face. It was worn, and it was clearly for her benefit, but… somehow… "I think this will work."
Ochako hiccupped. She knew she'd cried earlier, but her emotions were a tide she refused to stem any longer. She was afraid. She was sad. And she was tired.
But now… now she was determined, too. Her parents, her friends, her mentors… they all deserved a goodbye. No more running. No more hiding. Just her facing what she should have faced a long time ago.
Just her, a camera, and the truth.
"Okay," she said. Though tears were streaming down her face, never had she felt so strong. She nodded to Deku. "I want to talk to my parents first."
He nodded, turning to the camera. "Um… do you want me to stay? If it's too personal… I mean, I want to be here for you, but I don't want to intrude…"
"Deku-kun."
He turned back to her, and she could see the nervousness on his features. He, who had been her best friend for three years. He, who had never pushed her emotionally and had always encouraged her to be a better Hero. They'd shared secrets in the late hours of the night and in the early hours of the morning. They'd laughed together, cried together, worked together. They'd lived life together.
"Please stay." She said it knowing that things could get very personal. She said it knowing that he might figure out her love for him before she said anything about it. She said it knowing very well that he would probably watch her fall apart over and over and over again as she said her goodbyes.
But she couldn't help but want him there. Want him with her. And if she were about to bare herself to the world again and again and again, she'd rather not do it alone.
She wanted him with her.
Deku blinked, but his features relaxed after a moment. Determined green orbs promised to help her see this through, and he nodded. She smiled.
It was time to get her affairs in order.
…/…/…/
She watched as Deku signaled to her. The camera was on and rolling. She was being recorded.
Ochako took a deep breath and let it out slowly to relax. She had a bucket nearby in case… just in case.
But she couldn't think about that right now. She could only think of her parents. Of what she wanted to say to them. Of what she wanted them to know so, so, so badly.
"Oh no…" she whispered through a watery chuckle. "I didn't want to start off by crying."
"Do you want me to start it over?"
"No, no," said Ochako as she took another breath. She met his eyes. She in front of the camera, him behind. "I kind of want this to be as real as possible. Feels like I've been giving everybody nothing but a fake smile lately, you know?"
As understanding as he was, he nodded. Relief flooded through her heart. She didn't deserve how understanding he was, after everything. She nodded to him, then took another breath. She couldn't do anything about the tears, but she wasn't here to only cry. She turned her attention to the camera, imagining her daddy and momma somehow behind the lens.
The thought of their faces, smiling, worried, or anything in between, made her smile.
"Hi, daddy. Hi, momma." She waved, feeling silly and genuine at the same time. "I… I promised myself I'd speak from the heart, and I know that the people I want to talk to most in the entire world are you two. Right now, you're staying on-campus in the dorms. Deku-kun and I got in too late to greet you and let you know what happened, but… it was bad. Really bad. The hanahaki… it… evolved? Changed? Got worse…"
Ochako looked down to her hands. The ones had had held a villain's life within their grasp. The ones that had nearly lost that life. "I made a mistake in trying to push through it, and it nearly got me and someone else killed. It… it was horrible, and I don't want to do that ever again. But—!"
Ochako turned her gaze up, momentarily startled by the camera in front of her. For a moment, she could imagine her daddy there, encouraging her with a gentle smile. She could imagine her momma standing beside him, emotional strength rolling off her in waves.
She could imagine their reactions. But more than that… she could imagine how much they loved her.
"I can't give up on the life of a Pro-Hero." Her voice was firm, and she hoped that her parents would be proud. She hoped. "I can't. Not anymore. It's been my dream since I was small, and that was only possible because of you two.
"Daddy, momma… I hope you both know how much I love you. How… How happy I was… no," Ochako shook her head, then returned her vision to the camera. It didn't seem as intimidating anymore. It was a transport, and she hoped it did its job in transporting her feelings to her parents. She needed them to know. "How happy I am to be your daughter. You've loved me since I was very small, always making sure I ate and playing with me when you could and telling me I could be anything I wanted to be. You didn't eat for a week so you could buy me a Thirteen doll for my thirteenth birthday. You've always been encouraging me, always supporting me even when it was hard. I never would have gotten as far as I have without you.
"Every time I fight in the Sports Tournament…" Memories of blistering explosions and being thrown around and knocking other competitors out of the competition flickered through her mind.
"Every internship I take…" Gunhead and Ryukyu and Edgeshot. All of the sidekicks she's worked alongside and all of the hours she's patrolled out on the streets and all of the policemen and women she's helped to lead. They were locked safely within her memory and heart.
"Every technique I learn to fight with…" Martial arts, Quirk evolution, and strategy. Parrying away knives and neutralizing enemies. Every time she felt powerful and got stronger raced across her mind's eye, and her true eyes shed more tears. Not of sadness. Not of sorrow.
Of pride.
"That's me being proud to be your daughter." Her confession was bold, heartfelt. It rang true in this space, and she hoped it rang true on the disk. "I work hard because you guys gave me the chance to work hard. Because you two showed me how, and because you wanted me to be the best person I could be.
"So… I hope you two will be proud of me and my decision." Her words wavered with uncertainty. Would her parents be proud? Or would they be sad? "It's not a choice I made lightly, and I wish I felt like I had more time so I could give you two another hug… I…"
Ochako took a deep, shuddering breath. This was it. She'd been crying the entire time, but the sob that ripped through her now was so raw and heart-wrenching that she couldn't have stopped it if she'd even tried to. The camera blurred in front of her face as she continued.
"I love you both so much. So much. You've given me the entire world. I wish I had the chance to give it back to you, to give you the lives you deserve, but this is the best I can do right now. Thank you both for bringing me into this life. I love it, and I want to keep living it. For now, though, everything you've given me is enough. I'm happy, and I have you to thank for it. Thank you for pushing me to my dreams. Thank you for raising me and keeping me happy. Thank you for giving me this wonderful life."
Ochako bowed her head, knowing that she would give her parents this respect if they were there in the room with her. She could imagine them asking her not to, but she—selfishly—wanted to. She wanted to give her parents all the respect they deserved. All the love she could. She wished things were different, but this was it. This was her goodbye.
"Daddy, momma, I love you," she said through her tears. "I want to say it over and over again, and I know I've said it a lot, but I really, really do. Thank you for this life. Please don't be sad for me. I'll be with you however I can."
Ochako's voice broke, and she crumpled in on herself. She couldn't say any more. What else could she say? What else could she do?
She felt rather than heard Deku's presence, and she latched onto him as she sobbed. He was warm. His hand rubbed comforting circles into her back, much like that day he'd discovered her in the grove. Their grove.
Ochako felt herself heave and blindly reached out. Her hand smacked against the bin before she grabbed it and pulled it forwards. Thankfully, only a few flowers—some yellow and some blue—fell past her lips. Still…
"How many of these do you want to do?" asked Deku. His voice was soft, but the question brought into question the one factor they both knew they didn't have a lot of: time. Ochako sighed.
"A lot."
She pulled back, away from his embrace. If she wanted to be romantic, she might have imagined that Deku wanted to let her go about as much as she wanted to let him go. But she owed this. To herself, to her mentors, and to her friends. She looked at Deku, who looked back at her.
"I'll change the disks out."
Ochako nodded, turning back to the bucket. She spat out more flowers as Deku did just that.
…/…/…/
The hours passed. Ochako wasn't sure if she were following a mental list, but Edgeshot followed her parents. Then Ryukyu and Nejire. Then Gunhead. Next was Tsu. Tsu's was long and difficult to get through. How do you condense three years of close friendship into a few moments of goodbye? How do you pass on your gratitude? Your sorrow? Your joy at having shared so much time together?
Momo was next. Apologies. More tears. More thank-yous. Ochako hoped she'd been adamant enough about how sorry she was and how grateful she was that Momo had been there for her. She'd apologized about that day in the hallway, making it clear that she knew Momo had only been doing what she'd considered the best for her friend. Thanked her so, so, so much for being the kind of friend who would do something like that for her.
Mina, Tooru, Jirou, Iida. Kirishima, Mei, Aoyama, Todoroki. Tokoyami, Bakugou, Kaminari. Shouji, Ojirou, Satou, and Kouji. She'd made a short one for Mineta, threatening him with a haunting if he so much as gave the other girls trouble. It was the one time she'd laughed.
Aizawa was next. And Present Mic, Midnight, and All Might. She finally told Thirteen how excited she had been to learn under them, how they were her favorite Pro-Hero and how they had helped to inspire her to make it this far. She made a video of apology and thanks to Recovery Girl. An apology for being so bull-headed. Thanks for always coming the instant she knew something was wrong. She had no doubt that Recovery Girl would find her once she heard the news.
So many tears had been shed by the time she made it to the recording that she knew would be the most difficult to make. Not only because he was in the room, but because this was the recording.
This was the one that would change everything.
…/…/…/
"Deku-kun?"
He looked away from the camera, one blank holodisk in his hand and the one for Recovery Girl in the other. Ochako had grabbed a chair to sit down in. She'd needed it around Bakugou's holodisk. It was amazing how much she'd had to say to the guy who'd solidly beat her ass in first year and hadn't let up ever since. But that was done with. Everyone else's holodisks had been recorded. Recorded, labelled, and ready… ready to go…
Now, she was concerned with what was to come.
"Yeah?" asked Deku, bringing Ochako's mind solidly to the present. He was looking at her. "Is there something you need?"
Ochako nodded, taking a moment. The night had worn on, and they were almost done. This… this was…
"Deku-kun, this is the last recording…" Ochako took a breath, hoping she was doing the right thing. But there was no going back now. She exhaled. "It's for you."
It shouldn't have been surprising that he looked surprised himself. Yet it was. Ochako rose an eyebrow. "You thought I wasn't going to leave you one?"
"I-I mean," spluttered Deku. "Y-you're right here a-and I'm right here and if you need to tell me something I promise I'll listen to what you have to say."
"I know," said Ochako. Despite herself, a smile bloomed on her face. Despite everything… She looked at him, keeping her eyes squarely trained on his face. "I know, but I want to give you a recording, too. I don't want everyone else to have one and not you. If everything goes wrong and you don't have it… There are some things I really want you to not forget. Things that I would feel better if they were on a recording for you to hear instead of just remembered. But I just need you to do something."
The look on Deku's face was something that hurt Ochako. It struck her down in her soul. There was surface level confusion, but there was also something deeper. Something raw and painful. Something in her resonated with that pain.
The pain of an oncoming goodbye. The knowledge that… this could very well be her last.
"What do you need me to do?"
Ochako's heart twisted on itself, and she—once again—reminded herself how lucky she was to know him. He wasn't only patient, but incredibly understanding. She took a deep breath to dislodge the lump that had formed in her throat.
"There are two parts to yours," she said. "One part that I need recorded, and the other part… we can record or not record that part. I'll leave that up to you. But I have a lot to say, and some of it is really, really important. I think it might get a bit too personal, and I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but please. Please let me finish."
Ochako searched Deku's face, looking for even a hint of uncertainty. But what began as a search transformed into simply observation. Observing him. In the waning moonlight, he looked pale. His freckles stood out sharply against the pallor of his skin, and so close, she could see there were bags under his eyes. She didn't know of those bags were from lack of sleep or from the puffiness that came from crying earlier. She knew she had ones to match.
His eyes, though, were so wide and expressive. She typically had no trouble telling what was hon his mind; his eyes had almost always offered her a front-row seat to his vibrant emotions. So it was his eyes rather than his face that told her what she needed to know.
He was scared. She knew he was scared for her. Hell, she was scared for her. They both said so earlier: neither of them wanted her to die. And this… this helped make that possibility real.
More real than he knew.
Deku gulped, and she waited for his answer.
"I will." His words were resolute. Firm. His eyes blazed with sincerity. "Promise."
Ochako nodded, and Deku put Recovery Girl's holodisk with the others. With his back turned, Ochako bent over the bucket. Heavens knew she would need it most for this one. When Deku placed his own disk into the camera and turned around, she hoped she looked ready.
She didn't feel ready.
She nodded anyways. Deku pushed the buttons. The light turned on.
Ochako took a deep breath, and then she let it out. This time, she didn't need to imagine her audience in the camera lens. He stood right in front of her. The difference made her a little nervous, and she chuckled.
"Sorry, sorry," she said, squirming in her seat just a moment. "It's just… you're right there. It's a little different."
"Is… is it okay if I stay?" asked Deku, his face concerned behind the equipment. Ochako nodded.
"Yeah, just gimme a second." Ochako shook her hands out, took one more deep breath to situate herself, and tried again. "Okay."
Ochako looked upwards, but she didn't bother looking into the camera this time. This was for Deku, and he was right here. She was going to talk to him like it.
"Deku-kun, I wanted to say thank you." Ochako could see his mind immediately turning, searching for what she could be thanking him for now of all times. She smiled. It was sad, honestly, that she wouldn't get more time to get him used to compliments.
Better make this count, then…
"Thank you for everything," she pressed, an emphasis on the last word. "You were my first friend here at UA, when I was new to this big city and to the school. You showed me what it meant to go Plus Ultra on the first day I met you when you punched that zero-pointer. You didn't laugh at me or scold me or look disgusted when I told you why I wanted to become a Hero. You pushed me forward and improved me every time you've passed me up on our road to becoming Heroes. We've competed and raced to be better than one another, always somehow getting better together. We've had late nights and early mornings and good times and bad times. You've always believed in how strong I am, and you make me want to be a better Hero every day. A better person. The longer I've known you, the more I feel it."
Her poor friend looked so red, but he didn't say a word. Gratitude swelled in her heart, and she smiled. "Deku-kun, I need you to know that you've become so important in my life, and I treasure our friendship very, very much."
Confusion swept across his face, and he seemed almost taken aback. Ochako smiled sadly. How many opportunities had she missed to tell him that? How many times could she have told him or let him know how much he meant to her? How many missed chances to just… tell him how much she treasured him? Not as a romantic partner, but as someone in her life? Someone she'd met and enjoyed time with? How many times had she lost the chance to make him feel as special as she felt, knowing that he had gifted her with even friendship?
How many?
"Promise me you won't forget," Ochako said. She looked past the camera. Deku's eyes were always so expressive. They had to tell her when he understood this. They had to. "No matter what. Even though I didn't tell you about the hanahaki, and even though I didn't handle it right, you have to know how important you are to me. You have to know that. Promise me you won't forget."
His eyes flickered, his emotions hurling past her. She grabbed as many as she could. Bashfulness. Confusion. Epiphany. Joy. Sorrow. He finally settled on resolution, and she could see the look of a Hero settle around him.
No, not just a hero. The look of Deku. Her friend. He smiled at her. It was a smile, she was sure, that no victim of a natural disaster would ever see. No scared civilian would ever see this smile. No innocent bystander ever will. Those people, after all, should never see when such a smile covers pain.
He nodded at her, a silent answer to her plea. Ochako could have wept in relief.
But the job wasn't done yet.
"Um, that was the first part," she said, looking down at her fingers as a shuddering breath ran through her. "That's what I really want you to remember more than anything."
"But you have more to say, right?"
The gentle curiosity of his words took the edge off their truth. She nodded. She had more to say to him. Much more.
"Then, is it okay if I keep it on? I don't want to forget anything."
Ochako blinked. He… didn't want to turn it off? Even though…
Well… it wasn't like he knew what was coming, so it made sense… and she did say…
"Yeah," she said, taking a breath. "And if you don't want this part later, you can cut it out. I promise I won't mind."
He looked so aghast at the idea of it. Ochako's chest stung. He really had no idea, did he? "Uraraka-san, I would never."
He looked so earnest. So heartfelt.
She felt too far away.
She pushed herself out of the chair, her balance unsteady as she staggered.
"Uraraka-san!" Deku moved around the equipment, abandoning his station to get to her. She only managed to take two steps in his direction before he was in her space, holding his hands under her arms, ready to catch her. "Are you okay?"
Ochako opened her mouth, ready to tell him that she was fine and that it was a little stumble, but the words caught in her throat.
They weren't true.
She wasn't okay.
She hadn't been okay in two months.
She shook her head.
"What is it?" asked Deku, his voice so close and somehow so far away. "Can I help?"
Ochako kept herself from squeezing her eyes shut. Part of her wanted to run away from all of this and pretend it wasn't happening. To desperately cling to the life she had wanted to happen instead of the life that was happening to her now. That part of her wouldn't die, it seemed.
But the part of herself that was determined to do this… to see this through… to face reality and do what had to be done… that was stronger now.
And it was stronger because of her friends. Her mentors. Her teachers. It was stronger because of Deku himself.
She was stronger now. She could do this.
"Deku-kun," she said, her entire form trembling, just an inch away from his steady hands. But she had to say this first. She took another breath.
This was hard.
"Deku-kun, I—"
Suddenly, Ochako's body wracked with coughs, and the trembling she'd already succumbed to grew worse. Her entire body shuddered, and she desperately looked for the bucket. She found it not a moment too soon as she turned and heaved the entire contents of her esophagus out.
Flowers fell. Flowers that were attached to sprigs.
There were stems and leaves now.
Ochako's face went white.
"Uraraka-san." Deku's voice was hoarse. She turned to him. There was a sense of horror on his face, of a fear that she hadn't been able to see clearly before.
He's horrified, she realized, the pit of her stomach dropping. He knows and he's horrified.
Ochako's body shook violently. She coughed. More flowers. More sprigs. It was getting worse. She needed to talk.
But… would there be a point? With that look on his face… if he knew, then rejection—
Flowers forced their way into her throat, cutting out any desire to talk whatsoever. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe! She felt her body begin to convulse. She didn't have her balance.
Her knees buckled beneath her, and black spots danced in her vision. Something sturdy kept her from falling completely, and the pressure moved from her arms to her stomach. Pumping motions against her stomach helped her choke out more flowers. The back of her throat squeezed, forcing it out, out, out. Out!
One last pressure against her stomach, and more flowers came out of her mouth. A moment's respite was what she got, and blessed air rushed into her throat. Into her lungs. She gulped it greedily.
"—raka-san!"
Ochako knew she didn't have much of a window. In a moment, she knew. The extra flower. It wasn't a mutation to tell her she was running out of time. It was a mutation because she had already been out of time. She should have been dead by now. Probably would have been without her friends and all their efforts.
She knew that if she looked down, she'd see a mixture of yellow and blue littered around her. Some in the bucket. By now, some had to be on the floor. And while Deku wasn't in sight anymore, she knew the feel of his scarred arms anywhere. The arms that kept her upright and the hands that kept applying pressure to her stomach. The ones that had helped her force the flowers out.
Even now, when she was sure he was horrified and didn't return her feelings, Deku was doing his best to save her. She shook her head. He hadn't rejected her yet. It wasn't certain yet. She needed to help him help her!
"Deku-kun, I lo—"
The flowers returned, this time with more force. More of them came out of her, and it was impossible to breathe. Impossible to talk.
No. It couldn't end now! No! No, she was so close!
Tears filled her eyes, and she couldn't help but weep anew as the flowers fell in a stream of unjust fury. Fell towards their deaths. And led her straight to her own.
No! As long as her heart was beating, there was a chance! As long as she was alive, she could—
Deku's arms squeezed around her, and more flowers left her system. But this time, there was even less of a break. As soon as she gasped for air, there were more flowers. More and more in her system. Not fast enough to instantly suffocate her, but too fast to do anything. Anything! Come on, come on—
Thu-thud thu-thud thu-thud
Her heart pounded in her ears, blocking out all of the noise in the room. The sounds of her retching. The panicked cries of Deku.
Of Izuku. Trying so hard to save her life.
She had to do something!
Thud-thud- thud-thud thud-thud
She couldn't breathe. She was shaking too hard. There was too much at once. There was no end to it. She grabbed the arms around her. She felt the rough texture of scars long since healed. She couldn't see, but she felt her way—hastily and clumsily—to fingers that had broken too many times, and she pressed her own against them.
This was the only comfort she could take now. Now, as yellow and blue monstrosities killed her from the inside out. Now, as they ripped away the only words she needed to say. Wanted to say. Silently begged to say.
Now, as she slowly began to lose her grasp on reality.
Her body, deprived of oxygen, tried to force her to breathe in. She'd gone too long without. Somehow, somehow, more flowers flooded into her system. She was breathing and hacking all at once, and neither of the two functions were doing their job.
It hurt. It hurt. It hurt!
Izuku-kun…
She wanted to say it. More than anything. But her mouth was blocked. Her vision was gone. She couldn't feel her legs. Everything was spinning… spinning…
If only she could turn back the clock. If only she'd taken the chance when she had it. Now… now it was too late. Now, she would never…
Never be able to say…
"I love you!"
Yeah. She'd never get to say that.
The darkness finally claimed her.