I Love You
Robert still knocked on Cora's door before he entered for the next couple of weeks, even though she insisted it was no longer necessary. He also continued to spend the entire night with her, despite the fact that sometimes he felt the urge to leave after they finished their… marital duties (or perhaps "terrific fun"). The extreme intimacy they were developing was a big change for Robert.
"Oh Robert," Cora sighed in delight one night as she gave him gentle kisses after they finished. Her eyes shone with the tenderness that made her love obvious. "Darling."
His skin itched to return to his own smaller bed, where it was normal. Safe. But he couldn't do that. Not when he'd promised Cora he would stay here all night now. And not when his Cora had been happier than he'd seen her in a long time since he'd begun spending the entire night with her.
Besides, waking up next to Cora's sleeping form was wonderful. She was so innocently beautiful in the morning light without any make – up, jewelry, or a gown. Her eyes were closed, her head against the pillow, and her braid laying on the side. Staring at her like that made his heart skip a beat. "Darling," he'd whispered to her more than once, in the safety of her slumber.
OOOOOOOOOO
Naturally, it was only a matter of time before Mama discovered their sleeping arrangements, and suddenly things were neither wonderful nor innocent. Robert had done his best to hide it, knowing many people would gossip and disprove. He still turned the bed in the dressing room down, and he left Cora's room before any of the servants awoke. But Mama noticed everything and had spies everywhere, so Robert supposed it was inevitable.
He'd been sleeping in Cora's bedroom for about a month when Mama summoned him to her private sitting room. Robert entered, feeling as if this entire room had captured him. The white walls felt oppressive. His mother's chairs appeared almost as if they might seize him at any moment, as unrealistic as it sounded. And Mama was worse than any of those, sitting primly with her most frightening look on her face. Flies buzzed in his stomach again.
"Would you like some tea, Robert?" she asked, pointing to the tea and biscuits in the center of the room.
"Yes, Mama," Robert said, knowing she would never accept another answer. He took a deep breathe and picked up the tea, momentarily thanking Mama for her lessons on not showing emotions, despite the circumstances. He didn't spill or break anything at all, regardless of his nerves.
Then Robert sat down in one of the chairs, as carefully as possible. Briefly, he reminded himself he had nothing to fear from this seat.
"So, I hear you have begun spending the entire night in Cora's room," Mama said calmly, although her words cut like knives into the room.
Robert's heartbeat faster and faster and as the flies continued to buzz in his stomach. "Yes, Mama," he said, hoping his voice showed none of his nerves.
"I know it's no surprise to you that I need you to explain why you've chosen this unusual idea," Mama said sounding just as calm, although the frightening look was still on her face. She took a sip of tea.
Robert took a deep breathe, wondering how to explain this in a way Mama would understand. Was that even possible?
"I've noticed you've become more and more indulgent with your little American wife, Robert, but this is too much. You need to say no to her when appropriate." She shook her head.
The flies continued to buzz in his stomach, but Robert's heartbeat faster again as well. He found himself cross that Mama automatically assumed their sleeping arrangement was his wife's idea. Cora, who rarely asked for anything, and certainly not anything she knew might make him uncomfortable. "Actually, I suggested the new arrangement, Mama. I thought it would make us more likely to conceive an heir, which I know is something you desire."
The idea had come to him suddenly, but Robert loved it. It explained why he should spend his nights in Cora's room in a practical manner that Mama would approve. And perhaps they would be more likely to conceive now that they spent more time together, although Cora's tendency to sleep later than Robert might make that unlikely.
Mama stared at Robert for several moments, as if she were reading his mind. She took another sip of tea, all the while, making him feel as if she were dissecting his brain.
Robert stared into his own tea.
"If that were the real reason why you were spending the night in Cora's room, I might approve," Mama said, her words cutting into the room like knives again. "But it isn't. You and Cora have become dangerously close over the last couple of months, and you know that. You must withdraw from her, before it is too late."
Many times, over the course of the year, Robert would have agreed with Mama. He'd worried that he and his wife were becoming far too close again and again, most recently being directly before he decided to spend the entire night with Cora. But at this moment, Robert heartbeat even faster and his blood exploded with anger.
"I will do no such thing, Mama!" he said, shouting.
"Robert do not take that tone with your mother," she said, not shouting herself, but still demanding attention. "And you will do as I tell you, especially on things as important as this."
"Cora is what is important," Robert said, not shouting this time, but still feeling his blood boil.
"Robert, you may be an adult, but I still have ways of punishing you, and I will if necessary," Mama shook her head and sipped her tea.
He knew that, as Robert had experience them in the last two years. But that wasn't what mattered now. "I won't withdraw from Cora in anyway, Mama," he said, almost shouting again. "Because I – "
He stopped himself before he could reveal what would be the worst of his sins, as far as Mama was concerned. More importantly, Cora should be the first person to hear it.
At any rate, Mama plowed through, ignoring the implications of what Robert had almost revealed. "Then I suggest you put down your tea and spend some time in your dressing room, Robert. And I'm sorry you won't be having tea with the rest of the family for the near future."
Robert nodded and stood. Even though he hated being punished as an adult, he was almost glad if it meant he could leave the tense room.
"And remember, I said you were to spend the time in your dressing room," Mama said, staring at him with her most frightening look. "The servants will tell me if you were in any other room."
Robert sighed, knowing if they'd blabbed that he was spending the night in Cora room, that they would blab if he chose to spend the next couple of days in that room during teatime as well.
OOOOOOOOOOO
Studying the fireplace in his dressing room, Robert sighed again. He'd spent the last two days in here during teatime, and he hated it. There was nothing to do, especially as the book he was reading was currently in Cora's room. How could Mama punish him like this? He'd already finished all of his courses at Eton and was married. All he'd said was that he wouldn't be withdrawing from Cora in anyway. He would continue to spend the entire night in his wife's room.
Robert studied the fire again with a sigh. Naturally, to Mama, things weren't that simple. He was her son, and he'd treated her with disrespect, which should never be acceptable. But more importantly, Mama had always believed love was dangerous and had schooled her children with the same idea from the time they could walk. Love broke hearts and allowed people to be taken advantage. As the next earl, Robert could not afford that to happen to him.
But Cora loved with her whole heart, so she certainly would never break Robert's. And as Cora seemed even more naïve that he, she would never take advantage of him, either. He was ready to embrace her love… and his.
But Mama wasn't.
His mind fluctuated between being cross with Mama and feeling guilty for the way he treated her. It was quite like what happened after Robert had told her he would marry Cora. She'd banished him to his room that day, too. Only back then, he'd fluctuated from the guilt from making Mama so upset, anger for her not understanding his decision, and relief that he'd managed to save Downton.
Because of Cora's dowery, of course. That thought caused Robert far more guilt than what he felt for making Mama upset. Such a lovely, wonderful woman inside and out deserved to be courted and wed for who she was, not how much money she brought.
Robert was suddenly disgusted with himself as he pondered his actions from last year again. How could he make it up to her? Cora would probably say he already had, between spending the nights in her room and trying to indulge her with soft touches during the day. But there had to be something else.
Perhaps something special for their anniversary, which was approaching in another month? He immediately dismissed typical gifts like jewelry, remembering how empty it had made him feel when he thought about it for Christmas.
A trip to London for the two of them? Cora would probably enjoy a few days away from Mama's lectures, and she enjoyed seeing Rosamund. It sounded right. They could stay at the Ritz, see a show, and perhaps have dinner at his sister's one night.
Nodding, Robert returned his mind back to how he could smooth things with Mama.
Flies buzzed in his stomach again. A trip was a great idea for their anniversary, but London didn't seem like the right location, after all. Paris, perhaps? Or Greece? Papa had raved about Greece for months after he'd visited there. Or a part of the colonial empire? Robert had never been keen on travelling like his father was, but he would do it for Cora. He remembered how much she enjoyed the sights in Rome.
Still, as much as Cora would enjoy another trip to a new place, there was another location Robert knew she would prefer. America. She'd mentioned a couple of months ago that she'd been a little homesick this past year. And her tears when her family left last year showed how much she missed them as well.
Could Robert truly go to America with Cora? Forgetting how much he disliked traveling, America would never be a place a proper Englishmen like Robert would consider for a holiday. Americans were brash and ill – mannered. Cora was the exception. He also had a sinking suspicion they didn't even serve tea.
Never mind how he would convince Mama; how would Robert convince himself to take his wife to America?
But then Robert reminded himself why he'd been thinking of this in the first place. Because of his foolish, disgusting behavior last year, when he'd courted and married Cora because of her dowery. And how he desperately needed to make that up to her now that he loved her.
OOOOOOOOOO
Robert was almost eager to enter Cora's room that night, considering how much he need to speak to her. To love her. Last night, he'd ignored the revelation that had been revealed to him during his row with Mama while he was in Cora's room, but he couldn't do that any longer. It was wrong. But that didn't stop the flies from buzzing in his stomach from nerves once he opened the door. How would he ever begin this conversation? Should he say "I love you" right away? Should he introduce his plans for their anniversary first?
Eton had taught him how to speak capably on any subject pertaining to the House of Lords, but certainly not how to talk with his wife about love.
"Are you well, Cora?" he finally asked, deliberately staring at the blue walls instead of into her beautiful eyes.
"Yes," said Cora's sweet voice. "But I'm not certain you are. Why haven't you had tea with us for the past two days?"
Sighing in relief, Robert smiled a little. At least she'd given him an opening for this conversation. "Mama punished me by banishing me to my dressing room for teatime." He chuckled a bit, thinking about how silly it sounded that a twenty-four-year-old man with a title could still be sent to his room.
"Ah," Cora's voice said, sounding as if she understood. Of course, she'd become quite acquainted with Mama in the last year. But now Robert wondered if that was truly the best way to begin this conversation. Would she want to know why Mama had punished him? Would she blame herself?
"Don't worry about that, Cora," he said firmly. Robert still wasn't certain how to discuss his feelings, but he knew she shouldn't blame herself for his row with Mama.
"All right," said Cora's lovely soft voice. "But… Robert why won't you look at me tonight?" He hated how sad her voice sounded with her last sentence.
Sighing, he dared to glance at her for a moment before his eyes returned to the wall. "Because, well…I don't know how…to discuss this, Cora," he said finally. "What needs to be spoken about tonight."
"I see," said Cora, her voice sounding confused this time. But she said nothing after that. Once again, Robert was reminded of her patience, especially with him, and his heart swelled with love.
"I'm sorry about… last year," Robert said at last. "The way I acted when we first got married. Why I chose to marry you."
"Those first couple of months were a struggle, but they are behind us now," Cora said in her sweet way. He felt her hand touch his softly. Lovingly.
"Quite, but I still ashamed of what I did to you back then, Cora," he said with a sigh, trying not to focus on her touch. "You deserved to marry someone for who you are, not how much you were worth."
"Don't torture yourself with that, Robert," she said. "When Mama brought me to London for the season, I knew I would attract lots of fortune hunters."
Why did she have to be so rational and forgiving now? A year ago, Robert had said almost the same thing to Mama, that Cora knew why he was marrying her, and it had comforted him. But now her words, so typical of his Cora, made him feel even more guilty. "That doesn't make it any better," he sighed. "I can't believe what I did back then… especially, ah, considering…" The flies in his stomach grew bigger and bigger as he prepared himself for what he would say next.
Then he sighed. And sighed again. Why couldn't he be more courageous about this sort of thing, like Cora was? Why couldn't he just blurt it out, the way he'd almost done to Mama yesterday afternoon?
"… I love you," he said, wondering if she'd even heard him.
The way she immediately hurled himself into his arms, hugging him tightly, answered that question. And Robert allowed himself to feel her soft, warm body and smell the scent of her beautiful hair. Everything was rosy as he began planting tiny kisses all over her head. Her face. Her neck. "I love you, too darling," she said giggling. "I love you. I love you."
They tumbled onto the bed with soft laughter.
But then Robert paused as he looked deep into her blue eyes, hoping for more of her wisdom. "I afraid I don't… truly… know how to do this, Cora. It's not very common in my world. And I suppose I might cause mistakes. I know you'll be, well…patient with me because you always are, but I hope you can teach me, too." His eyes stared at her pillow for a moment, unable to reveal the last part gazing into her eyes. "How to love."
Cora's soft hands caressed his arms. "I'll do what I can, but Robert, you don't need to be anything more than yourself for me. And I don't know how common it is in my world either. I think Mother and Father loved each other when they were married, but they haven't acted like it for years. I'm afraid Father is married to his business and Mother is married to her status as wealthy woman." Her eyes lost their sparkle, despite her tender smile as she spoke her last words.
He caressed her beautiful cheek. "Then you are even more wonderful than I thought, being so openly loving without parents for an example. But you must have had some help." He tried to remember what's she'd told him in the past. "A grandmother, I think?"
Her eyes sparkled again. "Oh, yes. Grandmama Mackenzie." Robert immediately kissed her at that.
Speaking of her relatives reminded Robert of his plans to take her to America for their anniversary, so he decided to mention it now, before he changed his mind. "Would you like to see them again?" he said causally. "Your family, I mean."
Cora sighed. "I'm certain I'll see them again someday. Don' worry about it." She peppered his arm with little kisses.
"Yes. In about a month. I've decided we'll go to America for our first wedding anniversary." He caressed her soft cheek again. "I hope it will the start of a much better marriage than last year."
Cora's smile spread to both ears as she kissed his hand. "Robert, I told you to stop beating yourself up over that. Still, I would love to go to America with you and see my family again."
He loved that smile. It was completely worth visiting those brash, ill – mannered Americans. And now that Robert had spoken about everything he needed, he was ready to take her nightgown off and see the gorgeous skin underneath.
He pulled at it for a moment before lifting it over her head, feeling himself become warmer in a good way. "Oh, Cora," he said in delight, enjoying the view.
"Robert," she said, just as warmly, reaching for the buttons of his silk pajama shirt.
"I know you said not to torture myself about last year, but I believe I'd rather pretend this is the beginning of our marriage," * Robert said, kissing her head and inhaling her scent again.
"If you would prefer, I suppose that's acceptable," Cora said as she undid a button, making his skin crackle with energy.
OOOOOOOOOO
The next evening, Robert found himself in an even more awkward situation, and certainly nothing was going to crackle with energy.
He stared at the food on his plate, wondering how he would explain to Mama that he and Cora would go to America in another month. Robert normally loved smoked scallops, but he had no appetite tonight. There were already too many flies in his stomach.
Mama said something about being measured for a new gown, but Robert was too busy staring at the scallops and feeling the flies in his stomach to hear the details.
Finally, Robert sighed. "I apologize for the manner I treated you previously, Mama." That needed to be said, considering his disrespect the other day, and perhaps it would put her in a better mood.
"Thank you for that, Robert," Mama said with a nod.
Robert took a sip of wine, hoping it would help him more than the scallops. Then at last, he said, "I've decided Cora and I will go to America for our anniversary in another month." He did as best to say firmly, in the manner that he'd been instructed to do when dealing with unruly servants or tenants.
A voice that left no room for arguments.
But naturally, that didn't apply to Mama. "Why would you do such a thing, Robert? It's not an appropriate place, what with their poor manners and loud behavior. Your decisions have become more and more foolish as of late, and we expect better of the future earl."
Feeling the heavy weight of his station and his future, Robert paused, wondering if Mama was right. He certainly couldn't make decisions based on sentiment when he was earl.
But then he remembered the look on Cora's face when he told her they would travel to America. The way she hugged him and kissed him when he'd finally told her he loved her. Robert felt his temper build once again. "All my recent decisions have been worth it," he said in the same firm voice.
"Well, I admit, America is not a location I would ever consider for a holiday," Papa said in a strange voice. "But as Cora is from that area, I suppose it makes sense. I hope the two of you have a fine time," he said pleasantly with a nod.
Robert felt the flies in his stomach lessen. "Thank you, Papa."
"Patrick!" Mama said, sounding shocked. "How can you condone such an idea?"
"I just explained why, Violet," Papa said calmly. "Cora is from that area, so it is a suitable location for the two of them."
"That is beside the point," Mama said, shaking her head.
She and Papa continued to argue about he and Cora's plans while his wife met his eyes, smiling tenderly.
And Robert finally began eating his scallops, as the flies disappeared from his stomach. Once again, Cora had soothed his temper. And despite Mama and Papa's argument, it was going to be fine.
*This is my headcanon for why Robert and Cora were married in 1889 but were still celebrating their 34th wedding anniversary in 1924 in canon.
And that's it. Thank you for the support!
If you want to read more Cobert from me, I have a couple of one – shots I'm thinking about writing. (One which is a Valentine's Day/anniversary Cobert story which will be posted in February.)
There is also some Cobert in "The Presentation of Lady Mary and Lady Edith" if you don't mind a lot of family dynamic as well.
My next Cobert multi – chapter story won't be posted until April or May. (I try not to do fanfiction during Lent.) But it will focus on Cora and Robert's marriage problems between 2 x8 and 2 x 9. (I don't believe for a moment that they fixed all those problems with one conversation.)
I'm going to call it "Are We All Right?"