Frustration
I couldn't understand why I was so uncomfortable with what I learned about Karen. I kept thinking of her beautifully dyed hair and her red lips, as well as the way she kept on changing her bags in our school, her skimpy and short uniforms, and her beautiful shoes. The thought of her liking End made ma more uncomfortable than ever.
I was absentminded the whole time I was in school because I kept on thinking about that. I even got scolded once because I couldn't answer a question about a topic that I studied for but can't formulate a coherent sentence.
As I walked past the classrooms, hugging my books, and with Hibiki who looked happy with his school works, I am spacing out. You can never be too happy. My two weeks which were peaceful and free from problems and worries ended in a flash. It's just like how my early years were lived with a happy family suddenly turned dull and full of hardships.
I didn't know why I was that sad. I shouldn't overreact. This is nothing. This is just a small thing. Did I really became soft over the years for me to get this affected over such a small and trivial thing?
Because I ddidn't want to think that I've become a shallow person, instead of sadness, I let myself get conquered by anger and irritation. Those feelings were easier for me to understand. My day in school became unfavourable and my studies became affected by my thoughts.
To top that, the sight of End's form with his arms crossed as he leaned on the familiar SUV of Mayor Sting quickly greeted me when I descended to the first floor after our dismissal. Beside him was a smilling Karen, her vibrant green hair in ponytail, as her cheeks radiated a pinkish blush from her wide smile.
The sight of her laughing over something that End said seemed a slow motion scene of a romantic film. When End's eyes went to me, I wasn't even fully aware with my expression. It was too late when I realized that my lips were slightly parted and my eyes blurred from restrained tears because of irritation. I tried to smile to hide my extreme annoyance.
I walked towards them. Karen's head turned to my direction before saying something to End which I clearly heard.
"Oh, Cyan's here!"
She's being nice. Calm down, Lucy. It was easy to tell myself that but hard to do because I know, deep inside, that she's not really being nice towards me at all. She has other reasons and intentions.
"Hi Cyan! I found out that End here isn't a bad person like you've told me. You seemed disgusted of him with the way you denied the rumors about you last time we talked. Maybe because he's just a Mayor's driver?"
I was so stunned by what she said. I know she's not that nice but I didn't expect that she'll put her own past words to my mouth.
"Huh?"
I looked at End who's serious gaze was on me. We weren't close but I was irritated by the possibility that he might believe what Karen told him. Aside from flipping the situation, I wonder what lies did this girl told him? Did he believe all her words?
"Oh, you're alone? Where's Hibiki?" Karen chuckled before turning to End, "Hibiki's her close friend, or, I don't know, maybe he's her suitor?"
End's serious eyes didn't leave my eyes even for a second. He opened the door silently, without saying anythong. Karen stepped aside for a bit to give way.
"Maybe Cyan got used to the companion of rich people because she's always with Hibiki here in school. He's rich, you know? What about you, End? Who are your friends in Sinistra except from Mayor Sting?"
"I got close to Mayor's employees," End said politely.
"Oh, because you're always with them whenever Mayor orders you to run errands, right?"
End's eyes shifted on me. I feel like an outsider. I can cease to exist and their conversation would still continue. No matter how hard I wanted to correct Karen's words earlier, I thought that there's no point in doing so. Or, maybe... I was just too irritated to do that.
My whole life had been a tragedy. I have felt frustration and sadness to the extremes but never anger. Throughout the bloddy journey I've been through, I've never felt this boiling anger that I was feeling right now. It was an anger that's overwhelming and very sudden. End closed the door and I saw them talk shortly after that. I couldn't hear them anymore. Because of that, my thoughts became frantic again.
He went inside the SUV and started the engine. We left Karen on the school grounds with her waving hand and wide grin. Shameless, I started talking when she faded on the side mirror.
"I didn't know that you and Karen are friends."
He looked at me. I didn't need to see his eyes to know his possible expression that time.
"She went ot me while I was waiting for you. She introcued herself as your friend —"
"Why are you the one who fetched me today? I was told Orga was supposed to drive me home today because that's what Vice Mayor told me this morning."
In the corner of my eyes, I saw him turn to me again.
"I volunteered. I wanted to —"
I snapped and faced him. I didn't know where my uncontrollable anger came from.
"I should've just taken the bus if you're the one who'll be driving me home today! I don't want you to fetch me in school anymore! If you weren't ordered to, then don't bother fetching me. I'm used in taking the bus if Orga's not available. You don't need to volunteer because I don't really want you to fetch me in school!"
His eyes remained on the road. He stiffened. He didn't speak anything so I also kept silent until we arrived in Vice Mayor's estate. The drive was long but it seemed very short because of my irritation.
"Sorry. I didn't know that you don't like me driving you home."
I unbuckled my seatbelts. Determined to release my anger towards anything... or anyone, I faced him to release my wrath.
"And I'm telling you now that I don't like it! So next time, don't bother! I don't want to see you around our school's premises!"
"Why? Is it because of that suitor of yours?" his calm aggressiveness shocked me.
I know he had an intense danger. That's the reason why I don't like him and why I'm not comfortable around him. So why would I be shocked if he'll throw these kinds of words to me?
"So what is it is the case? Why do you care?!"
I stormed out of the SUV and shut the door close before walking fast towards the mansion without looking back at the person who drove me here. I didn't even bother to care if he followed me or what. I ignored him as he left the estate at who knows what time and didn't see him the next day.
When I heard Sorano's laments about End's sudden departure according to Mayor Sting, it was only when I looked back at what I've said to him that night. Karen told him that I'm disgusted with him because of his work. I didn't get to clear things up because I was blinded by my anger and I was shocked.
The thought that End might get the impression that money influences for I befriend others kept on circling my mind. Karen said it too when she mentioned that I'm always around Hibiki who's born rich. Maybe End saw me in a different light after that. That in his eyes, I became a haughty and conceited person to judge him based on the status of his life.
The next days were more gloomy than usual. Everything I've said hasn't sunk in yet. It was New Year when I finally managed to accept that I was wrong in letting myself get controlled by my anger. It was a fast decision and my words were hurtful. But it was also that day when I thought I shouldn't dwell on it anymore.
So what if End never came back?
Why would that be huge thing for me? So what is he got angry? If he indeed believed Karen's lied about me, then, I don't care anymore. I never belittled a person just because of his social status. I never trampled or spoke-ill of others. If he thought that Karen's right and he believed that I'm that kind of person, then, he was just like those who judge a person without sufficient evidences.
I released a deep sigh. The last visitors of Vice Mayor for the New Year's party just left. The party dragged until the early morning. I was sitting on the small hill, staring at the sun that is yet to show itself to greet the village with another year.
Why am I thinking so hard about this shallow problem? I have a bigger problem ahead of me. I am in a foreign place while using a foreign name. I may love the people I met here but I still couldn't remove my want to go home to the place where I should be. That's what I should think about. That's what I should ponder upon and not useless things like this problem.
With that thought in mind, I went on with my life without looking back.
Since End didn't show himself since then, no matter how often Karen waits on the SUV every day, her face always showed defeat. She also couldn't tease me anymore, maybe because she told End that we're friends.
Sometimes, I secretly feel good everytime I see her dismayed with Orga's face when she sees him opening the car window. My friendship with Hibiki became normal that following month. Although the usual awkwardness was still present whenever he hinted something that I usually dealt with a simple rejection like what I've done in the past.
"Orga's not available now? I'll drive you home, then."
"There's no need. I'll take the bus, hibiki."
"Why? Are you shy again? We've been friends for a long time and you still get shy about these things?"
I looked at Hibiki. The sky looked gloomy. That's the reason why their last class was cancelled. The university was urging us to go home. It hasn't rained yet, but the dark sky looked scary. The typhoon was said to arrive later in the evening.
"It's going to rain and you don't have an umbrella. Just this once, Cyan. I don't want to worry whether you got home safe."
I mentally noted that. It's just this once. It's already drizzling and I, indeed, do not have an umbrella. Hibiki was just offering out of the goodness of his heart and I can just pay him after.
"Just this once, okay? I'm used in taking the bus when Orga's not around. Just. This. Once."
He smiled boyishly and nodded.
"Just this once, Cyan."
The next months ended smoothly. One summer afternoon, Mayor Sting called for me. He was asking for me, Sorano, and his other close relatives for help because he's planning to surprise Vice Mayor Yukino Agria with a proposal.
I was happy for Vice Mayor Yukino. Especially since I witnessed how she cried because of frustration with her responsibilities and works last month. She vowed to stop working. She soon will. She did not file a certificate of candidacy for the next election. I just don't know if she's happy with her decision. She's having a hard time with her profession but she loves serving people so maybe she had a hard time deciding.
We cooperated. Sorano and their close friend named Minerva, who's also the wife of Mayor Sting's brother, convinced Vice Mayor Yukino Agria to shop for some clothes for her to feel better. I went with them while Sawyer became our driver. While we're there, Mayor's men in Sinistra were busy with the preparations. The surprise was set to be held there and a party would soon follow if Vice Mayor gave her yes — which we all know is a sure thing.
And truly, she did. My chest tightened while watching the crying Vice Mayor after she accepted the flowers that Mayor offered. I fondly smiled when her crying became loud as Mayor sat on one knee in front of her. I clapped with everyone else. Vice Mayor Yukino chuckled as she caught the young Mayor off-guard by asking.
"When do you want to get married?"
"As soon as possible, of course! I'm too impatient to wait anymore!"
We all laughed. My eyelids weakly fluttered upon hearing some of Mayor's men along with some invited City Councilor asked for End.
"I'm sure Mayor Sting won't let important events like this pass without End. Where is that young man?" a voice said before I felt some girls' gaze on me.
The rumors about me and End traveled here in Sinistra. It wasn't just as vulgar unlike what I kept on hearing on our university in Dextera. I ignored their stares and tried to blend in and have fun in that simple engagement party.
"Yes, I wonder where End is?" Sorano echoed after hearing a similar question from a nearby table while we're eating.
I shook my head.
"What did you two last talk about, Cyan, huh? He didn't mention that he was given an errand by Sting the last time we talked. Maybe he said something to you? He didn't even told us! He just disappeared!" Sorano looked at me.
I sighed heavily, "Nothing, Sora. Aren't you used with him just disappearing every now and then?"
I couldn't look at Sorano. Maybe I'm guilty but I've gotten over it now. Or, at least, I didn't want to think about it... or him.
"If End is not present in the wedding, the, I don't know anymore!"
I continued eating.
"The wedding is set on July. Whatevery errand Sting gave him, it must be finished by then, right?"
I shrugged. Mayor Sting proposed on the first week of May. They have two months to prepare for their wedding.
"He laso didn't mention anything to me. Such a shame. He's fun and nice to be with," Sawyer interjected.
I caught Sorano who's quietly observing me like she's having a feeling that I know something about End's sudden disappearance. She smirked and shut her mouth which is almost like a miracle.
Vice Mayor talked to me, and her secretary named Libra that night. She told us that she's never been this happy. She hugged Libra and thanked her for everything that her secretary had done for her. They both cried. I felt the authenticity of their emotions and once again marveled at the wondrous feeling of love can do to people. I just couldn't stop myself from thinking about the love that I first witnessed. The love between my parents. I set it aside to stay happy for the two best friends.
"Sorry, I was startled by all these. I wasn't able to think through everything. But I wanted you to know that I won't cut you to my life. Libra, I'll still be needing you to stay as my secretary because you know that I can't do it alone. It's if you still want to remain under my care?"
"Of course, Yuki," the gentle Libra gave a fond smile as she wiped Vice Mayor's cheeks.
"Cyan, I'll continue to support you. When you graduate, I'll let you decide what you wanted to do for yourself."
"Thank you so much, Vice Mayor."
"Since you'll be on your last year after our wedding, I'll be taking you with me wherever we decided to stay. It might be in Sinistra or here in Dextera. I hope it's fine with you."
"There's no problem, Vice Mayor. Such a small thing cannot compare to all you've done for me," I said that sincerely.
I couldn't deny that I fell in love with the family I found here in Dextera. I was, despite my past, still lucky to have met the kind Vice Mayor and her older sister who both served as my mothers and sisters.
But when I'm alone, I couldn't control my mind which kept on wandering to the past. I cannot just ignore the fact that I ran all the way here just because I was accused of a crime I did not do.
What happened to Dimaria? Were the Dragneels regretful with their accusations of me? Is that the reason why they stopped searching for me? Or was Dimaria found and I'll forever stay here, hiding just to save myself?
I am intensely determined to go back to Magnolia and prove my innocence. I can't live my life here in hiding forever. I didn't do anything wrong so why would I live like this?
The next week kept Vice Mayor busy. Mayor Sting's family went home to Sinistra. Sometimes, Vice Mayor Yukino would make me go directly to Sinistra after school. I always took the busy and it's fine with me. I'm used to it, anyway.
I also helped with the preparations for the wedding. Sorano and Libra were the one managing it because Vice Mayor couldn't entrust it to a hired organizer. She wants the planner to be someone close to her heart, she said.
We arrived in Sinistra early for the first fitting of the dresses of the important guests for the wedding next month. Vice Mayor Yukino and Sorano got busy as soon as we arrived while I tried my best to help them by running errands.
"Cyan?" Vice Mayor asked when she saw me standing on the side, waiting for orders.
"Yes, Vice?" I walked towards her.
I stared the the dresses in front. The theme of the wedding are mauve and earth colors. I was very shy upon knowing that Vice Mayor included me for the tailored dresses. It's a good thing that the dress fit perfectly and there's no adjustments needed so there's no problem. Some guests had to wait again because of some problems with their fitting with the clothes so adjustments needed to be done.
"Sorry, Cyan. I have to send you to the city to buy some food. Sting prepared lunch for all of us but there are no snacks because we didn't expect that we'll take a long time here. We still need to stay here for the flowers. Do you have something to do?"
"No, Vice. No problem."
Vice Mayor counted the heads and listed the things in a paper that Libra gave. I nodded while noting her verbal orders.
"Oh, then... the driver is already outside. Get going so you can be here with us during lunch."
I nodded and quickly walked out of Mayor Sting's estate to go to the parking lot. My eyes quickly spotted the black SUV and quickly walked towards it. The black tinted windows didn't move for me to see who was driving but it was a normal day and a normal moment. My hand was about to reach out to the door handle when the door suddenly opened a little, a sign that the driver opened it from the inside.
I mentally noted to say thank you to Mayor Sting's driver, or is it Orga? That's why my thanks got stuck in my throat upon seeing who's behind the steering wheel. He glanced at me and I quickly noticed the snobbish expression in his familiar face, but quickly averted his eyes back to the front, almost completely ignoring me.
I swallowed hard. My mind went blank as I nervously fixed my seatbelts. I didn't know what my reaction should be. Angry? Happy? Or... indifferent?
Should you really ask yourself that, Lucy? Why do you need to have a reaction about his return?
He was silent the whole time. He started the engine and started driving. I also kept quiet while my mind was started to be filled by anxious thoughts of his return.
Why is he only back now? I got used with him not being around me so I shouldn't care whether he returned or not. Why did he leave if he'll come back, anyway? He shouldn't have come back!
But then, why does it concern me? Don't be so conceited, Lucy! He's not here for you. He's working for the good mayor so why do you think you have a say in his presence?
Minutes passed and there were still no words between us. I figured I should act normal. Slowly and slightly moving my eyes to his direction, I saw his frowning gaze on the road. I lowered my gaze at his white t-shirt, black jeans, and black wristwatch on his left hand. I noted swiftly what changed in him and then ignored it altogether.
"I'll just buy pastries before going to the resto. In that store right there, that's Vice Mayor's instructions."
"Okay," he coldly said.
I let our conversation end with that. He parked the vehicle in front of the right store. He pulled the hand break of the SUV while disengaged the seatbelts.
"Stay here. I can buy it alone. This won't take long."
He glanced at me using the same expression as he disengaged his seatbelts, too. He quickly went outside the car, ignoring what I said as he opened the door for me. I gritted my teeth when I realized that he's acting very cold and angry.
Based on our last talk, he has the right to get angry with what he thought about me. And if he really believed in Karen, it's not problem anymore. He can be with Karen for all I care! I wouldn't spend my energy on trying to correct his opinion of me.
In front of the front seat's door, he stood with his arms crossed with a serious frown on his face while sporting a snobbish expression. I caught him staring at my back and body. After a while, he slowly moved his eyes up to my face, his expression not faltering at all.
I almost rolled my eyes at him. I raised an eyebrow at his face before secretly checking my attire. I'm wearing my usual tattered shorts, a ballet flats, and a blue plaint-shirt. Nothing really special. I didn't need to glance at him again to check what he's wearing. His white t-shirt and jeans was paired with boots. He's handsome and has a nice physique. If one didn't know him as Mayor's driver, he can be mistaken as a rich landlord. Meanwhile, I stand here with my usual clothing and with a broke status. I didn't know why that thought left a bitter taste in my mouth.
"Here's all of it," the saleslady said while gesturing to the two huge paper bags.
"Thank you."
I accepted it. A waiting End quickly filled my sight when I turned around, accepting the paper bags without a word. I let him. He went to the back seat of the SUV to pub the paper bags there before walking tot he front seat to open the door for me.
I raised my eyes to meet his and I saw him frowning while avoiding my eyes. I went in quietly, intentionally not thanking him. I didn't know why. I closed the door as he walked to the driver's seat before driving towards the resto.
The ride to the resto was the same. We were both quiet and because Vice Mayor already called for an order, we didn't wait long for the food. After only a couple of minutes, we were already on our way back to Sinistra.
Mayor's other employees helped us in unloading the SUV. Some girls who where there greeted End and he greeted them back. My stomach churned when I saw him smile at those girls including those who boldly like him. Councilor Riko was there and was talking to him. He talked to them all while I bitterly thought of our ride this whole time. We didn't even exchange a few words or something.
Eyes watering with frustration and anger, I walked away from that crowd. If he's angry, then I'm angry too. If he doesn't want to reconcile, then I don't want to, too. This is not important to me so I'll just forget about this. He's not important to me so I don't care.