Ellie knew it was a nightmare, but… nothing seemed wrong. She was in the same room, in the same motel. And then, she realized with a cold terror that Joel was no longer next to her. She threw herself up, her body instantly shaking in loss. "Joel?!" Ellie called, her voice quick and worried. A chill ran through the air and a level of goosebumps settled on her skin. "Joel!" Ellie screamed again, tears appearing in her eyes while her throat squeezed around her, letting a whimper escape her throat. "JOEL!" Ellie cried, and then… she saw it. Through the window, a path of footsteps left the hotel, moving in the opposite direction.

She was quiet for a moment, rejecting the sight of Joel's footprints running away from her, leaving her. And then, it hit all at once. A wave of sobs fell over her as she collapsed onto her knees, hiding her face in her chest. "JOEL!" She screamed, hoping he would hear her cries for him and return but part of her knew it wasn't true… and with that, she took her mother's knife… and she ended it. Ellie ended the pain, did what she wanted to do but was too scared to since Winter… since she was raped. Ellie ended it.

Ellie awoke quickly, surprised to find no noise escaping her lungs. Just quick breathing, that of which Joel didn't pick up on. He remained still, not even stirred by her small whimpers and Ellie felt a small frown appear on her face. Sadness ran through her as he continued sleeping and Ellie was reminded of her horrifying dream. It was worse than any other before… The idea of Joel leaving her was almost worse than what David had cursed her with in the winter.

She frowned, sitting on the edge of the bed and trying desperately not to wake Joel. The air was freezing around her suddenly but she remained in her shorts and shirt, allowing goosebumps to rise on her skin. Her legs lifted her off of the bed and she sat on a ledge by the window, taking a battered note from her pocket. She looked to Joel sadly, then back down to the note. It was the only thing she had from her mother besides her knife… it was her most prized possession. Ellie turned her back away from Joel, placing her knees in her chest as she turned her head towards the glass, basking in the moonlight with an ache of depression in her.

The cold surrounding every inch of her skin only reminded her of David and she shuddered, but not from the low temperature. 'I'm going to share a secret with you… I'm not the biggest fan of kids, or babies and yet: I'm staring at you, and I'm just awestruck. You're not even a day old, and holding you is the most incredible thing I've done in my life - a life that's about to get cut short. Ellie squeezed her eyes shut, feeling a tear drip from her cheek to the page and she held it tightly in her hands, careful not to rip it. Why'd you have to go? Ellie let out a small sniffle, wiping her tears and once again quickly shutting her eyes.

A bloody hand-print was left on the note and Ellie fingered the palm of it, wishing that her mother would come back. She seemed like a good person from what Marlene had told her, though Marlene had been more of a mother than this woman had. Even though they weren't actually related, Ellie loved Marlene, even if it was subdued.

'Marlene will look after you, there's no one in this world I trust more than her. When the time comes, she'll tell you about me. Don't give her too much of a hard time. Try not to be as stubborn as me.' Another tear ran down Ellie's skin as she ignored the cold around her, looking from the letter to the window, regrettably watching a deer hop outside the hotel. Suddenly, a million different memories drifted through her and she let out a small groan, reaching for her head as it began to hurt.

She didn't know why, but everything from the winter was coming back. Maybe because of the cold, maybe because the absence as Joel… he'd usually be right there when she was feeling like this. 'I'm not going to lie, this is a pretty messed up world. It won't be easy. The thing you always have to remember is that life is worth living…' Ellie frowned and suddenly, more tears began to fall from her face and she sniffled, trying and nearly failing to not wake Joel up. Is it? To be honest, if Joel hadn't found her, she'd probably be dead by now, and not because of some clicker. Before Marlene, she had no one, then she had Riley, and now she had Joel. What scared her was that they came periodically and she just begged that Joel wouldn't do that. She almost believed he wouldn't leave her… but she didn't think that he'd be safe with her around.

If the vaccine worked, so many people would be upset at her because of that… and Joel. If they came after him, because of her… God, she didn't even want to breathe without him around. Joel was the hand holding her on the liferaft and she was slowly slipping as her fears of losing him only grew bigger and bigger… 'Find your purpose and fight for it!' Ellie's crying grew so that you could barely hear it as she looked back out the window, seeing that the deer had vanished. Her eyes met Joel's sleeping figure and she wiped her tears, only to find new ones replacing them. 'I see so much strength in you. I know you'll turn out the woman you're meant to be… forever, your loving mother: Anna. Make me proud, Ellie…

Ellie folded the paper in its crease and held it close to her, trying to imagine it was her mother. Marlene had shown her photos before, photos of her and a small baby concealed in the woman's arms… that photo must've been taken hours before her death, maybe days. It was clipped to the letter and she removed it, bending the metal clip in her nail. Her mother had beautiful auburn hair that fell just beyond her shoulders in wavy curls that framed her perfect skin. She had a smile as a baby wailed in her arms and Ellie saw that she shared Joel's grin. It was a grin you only came into once or twice in your life, a dainty smile that took you in and promised everything would be okay.

Ellie's mother had piercing green eyes and freckles coating every visible inch of her skin. Part of Ellie always wondered who her father was, but now that Joel had walked into her life, that want for answers had been smashed under his metal boots. Joel was more than enough of a father for her and gave her more love than she could even imagine years ago… there was no need to wonder. But there was still an obligation to grieve.

Finally, Ellie couldn't hold it anymore. She turned her back to Joel again, sitting cross-legged and staring up at the moon, tears spilling down her cheeks as she held the photo and letter in her shaking hands, finally letting out a peep… and she instantly knew it was a mistake, because she heard a shuffling behind her.

Still, she ignored it, her mind drawing itself back to the winter in a suicidal manner, begging the nightmares to keep going while Ellie pleaded for them to stop. Her fingers itched at her throat, still able to feel David's fingers around them. She could still hear herself sobbing as he did those awful things to her in that fucking bathtub. She still wasn't able to eat right, not physically, just eating while thinking of what David had done, of what he had demolished inside of her was disgusting. And then another small cry came, and another.

The letter shook in her grip as she squeezed her eyes shut, laying her head on the wall behind her in tragedy. Her mind deafened her as she replayed that day of Joel finding her and her own, freezing hands killing David, slicing him into pieces with no mercy. No part of her regretted it… he raped her, molested her, starved her… he was a horrible, horrible monster who deserved every single thing that came to him. And that was only him: the pain the other hunters had made her go through and the absolutely disgusting things they forced her to do for food and for water still scared her, making her already freezing body even colder under the moonlight. Suddenly, someone grabbed her shoulder, making her release a scream as she was caught off guard.

"Sh, sh, it's okay. It's okay, it's just me." Joel quickly brought her face to meet his eyes, certifying that it was him and not her worst nightmare coming for his revenge. "It's okay, baby." Ellie shut her eyes and sighed, hiding the letter and photo in her jacket where it had originally been. The back of her head went back against the wood as she sighed, realizing there were tears on her face. She quickly wiped them, but she knew even in the darkness Joel had seen them.

"Fucking scared the shit out of me." Ellie breathed, keeping her eyes shut while Joel watched her, noticing a fallen piece of paper on the floor. He picked it up, looking at it. It was a photo of a woman and a baby. She had shirley red hair that framed her and Joel smiled, seeing the resemblance. His smile diminished when he heard another subtle sniffle from Ellie and he looked up just in time to see her wiping her face again. "Hey, give it." Ellie whispered quickly, tearing the photo from his hands quickly and holding it safely in her arms as if it were a diamond. Joel realized it was probably worth more than that to her.

Joel sat in front of her on the windowsill seat, staring her down. He creepily realized she was in nothing more than a tanktop and shorts and he took her hand, scaring her once again. It was freezing. "Jesus, kiddo, you're ice. C'mon, let's get ya back in the blankets-"
"No, I… I don't want to go back to sleep." Ellie rejected his attempt to pull her back to the bed and he frowned, sitting back beside her. She had a nightmare… and I didn't wake up. Ellie shut her eyes again, trying to just shut out Joel for the first time in her life. She just wanted to be sad right now.

"You okay, baby girl?" Joel asked, realizing the stupidity of the question. Ellie shrugged, taking the photo from her hand and looking down at it, mesmerized by the woman. Joel gently brushed her hand, taking the right one in his, feeling its bitter temperature. He cringed, trying to take her in his arms but she didn't budge, just bore her eyes into the polaroid. "Do… do you wanna talk about it?"

"She said she was proud of me." Ellie whispered in confusion, looking up at him like she was asking him why her mother thought that. Ellie's self esteem had toppled after David, almost like it never existed. "She was proud of me." She repeated again, her voice raising at the thought. Ellie looked back down at the photo, letting it drop on the sill as she hid her head in her chest and knees, letting out another cry.

Joel's eyes tilted up in pain as he watched Ellie cry before him, her skin covered in cold. He sat closer to her, opening his arms with a frown. Ellie quickly sent all of her force into him quickly, almost making him fall over as her cries grew, thinking of how Marlene had had to shoot her mother and pry Ellie out of her hands just before she ate the infant. Marlene said that her mother had been bitten as she went into labor and turned right after Ellie was born. It was a mistake that Ellie survived, a common theme in her life. "Oh, baby girl… reckon she was." Joel nodded, feeling his pride swell in him as his purpose before him cried.

"Why?" Joel's heart broke as Ellie's cries continued. She laid on him, half of her on his legs and the other half taken in his arms. Ellie found the photo, storing it in her pocket beside the letter.

"Kiddo, we'll be here for hours if I answer that question." Joel felt her crying stall for a second at his response. She was crying at the loss of her mother and the sudden and confusing rehashing of what had happened to her in Winter. It seemed like her cramps had just brought back horrible memories as it still hurt down there for her. It felt like she was broken and no one could find every last lost piece of her, not even Joel. "You're perfect, God, I… I wouldn't change nothin' about you." Joel swore, taking Ellie away from him for a moment only for her to jump back in his arms, rejecting him trying to take her away. "You really are ice, baby girl. Need to get you back into bed."
"I…" Ellie left her sentence hanging, remembering the nightmare and shaking her head, looking out the window in Joel's chest once again. "I don't wanna."

"I'll be right here-"

"I don't want to." Ellie repeated, shaking her head violently as Joel took her from his arms, lifting her by her elbows as if she were a toddler. Ellie vibrated her head once again as met her eyes, his face serious and sad.

"Was… was it the same one?" He asked, seeing her shake her head. She was glad it wasn't the same one… that scene with David, she'd seen it millions of times. Even during the day, terrors plagued her as she remembered how David had assaulted her, but… Joel was there to keep her afloat, only if barely. "Do you wanna tell me 'bout it?"

"You… you left me." Ellie croaked out, looking down in shame almost as if she was blaming herself. Joel shook his head, his lips curling down in a frown as pain shot through him, a pit growing in his stomach until it consumed him. "I… I had to… to use my knife-" Ellie was cut off as Joel suddenly pulled her in, squeezing her firmly and making sure she felt every inch of him surrounding her.

"Baby girl, I promise you on my life, I ain't ever, EVER leavin' you. I'll blow the whole world to hell before anythin' happens to you." Joel spoke firmly, making sure she heard him. God, she… I need to stay alive. I can't let that happen. Joel tried to get the thought of Ellie lying on the floor before him, her wrists slit. That thought made him want to die. "I swear, I'm not leaving ever. We go everywhere together."
Ellie felt herself being picked up as she finally began to feel the cold on her skin, shivering. "C'mon, let's get you warm." Ellie nodded in Joel's arms, feeling him place her in the bed and pull the blankets up to her neck, making her feel warm and fuzzy. "Better?" Ellie nodded, watching as Joel wiped his thumb under her eyes, clearing her tears.

"I don't… I don't wanna go back to sleep." Ellie whimpered, watching Joel's face die before her. He sighed, sitting beside her under the comforter of the old bed. Joel felt Ellie's subtle warmth beside him in the night. It must've been around one or two in the morning. Ellie was still exhausted, but she knew what she'd see next. Her minds were plagued with David and her brain wouldn't let her get rid of it. "I… I'm sorry. I can't get this off right now."

"It's okay, baby girl. We can just stay like this. You don't need to sleep, but you gotta rest a bit." Joel proposed, feeling Ellie instantly nod in his grip. She suddenly snuggled into his muscled arms, sensing them wrap around her instantly and provide her warmth. "It's okay, kiddo."

"I… I love you, Joel." She whispered, smiling when she heard him say it back. She relaxed in his grip, feeling her body begin to wash off its exhaustion and try to get David's face out of her mind.

"He ain't ever going near you again, baby girl." Joel felt her fear pounding from her body like a megaphone. "He's dead and I'm here to protect you now." Joel whispered against her, feeling her hug him back even tighter and let out a sniffle.

"I… I know." She whispered, not knowing if she was lying or not.