Hello to all! I apologise for my absence, and thank you for your patience. I hope you all had wonderful Christmas and that the New Year will bring so much more happiness and stability into our lives than the year that is about to come to an end. I hope you will enjoy this new chapter! - Bathsheba Blythe

Chapter X

May arrived and Joy's zest for life grew with every passing day. Something within her changed ever since she received that letter from Ken two months earlier. She argued with her boss at the publishing office and negotiated two days off a week. She was writing her third book, her little delicious secret, baked and knitted, read more books and walked Bacio like crazy, both running through and around the fields of Tuscany like little children starved of freedom for months.

Joy focused her attention on herself and she realised that she had never done this before. Before she moved away from her family, she was the oldest Blythe baby who as soon as Jem was born became the supporter, comforter, and protector of her siblings. No one asked her to do this, no one expected her to become almost like an adoptive mother to her younger brothers and sisters but she did. She then moved away and focused her whole energy on exploring every new place that turned up before her eyes whilst writing furiously, hungrily striving to set a career path for herself as soon as possible. She didn't get a moment to properly breathe. Ken opened her eyes and their correspondence following his letter only made her decision more and more final that she should slow down, untangle the wires of her brain and let the oxygen get to them more easily.

It was a late afternoon and the sun was slowly setting down to sleep, leaving the loveliest, warmest colours across its canvas, the sky. There was no wind, everything was quiet and still. The crickets' song spread across the fields that could be seen from Gia and Joy's garden at the back of their house. This is where the two girls organised a dinner for themselves and Alma. They put the wooden table and three chairs outside, ate pasta, foccacia and drank wine that Alma brought as a gift from a friend of hers that owned a winery just outside San Gimignano. Each had a blanket around their shoulders as the air was getting crispier by the hour and their long hair (Joy's always unruly red curls, Gia's flat and shiny black strands and Alma's glamorous silver waves) caught the sun's rays and glowed, like in a Van Gogh's painting. Bianca purred on Gia's lap and Bacio slept at Joy's feet. It was truly the calmest of evenings.

"Our Italia is at war... for Heaven's sakes." Alma sighed, shaking her head in disbelief "I was silly enough to hope it wouldn't happen."

"That's the thing about hope," Joy said, observing the oranges and purples of the sky "-it's always in our hearts and minds, even when the situation can only ever go in one direction."

"They'll be calling up our boys and men soon." Gia remarked, her fingernails tapping nervously against the glass with the red liquid inside "Who knows when all of this nonsense will end?"

"Whenever it will end, it will leave a mark on the people and this world forever." Alma breathed out heavily, her heart sinking through her words.

"You sound just like Walter." Joy said and her lips dented into a smile, a figure of her brother appearing in her mind before disappearing and she shook her head to sway away the fear growing inside her chest "And you're right. There isn't a conversation between Luca and I when he doesn't mention enlisting at some point." there was a sigh that said a million different words and feelings and both Gia and Alma looked at each other knowingly. Joy looked at her hands and sighed again.

"He's reluctant to do it though?" Gia said eventually.

"Oh, yes, he doesn't want to go at all." Joy replied and grimaced "I don't understand the boys and men who do want to go. To die willingly? For no apparent reason? It's madness is what it is." Joy crossed her arms and shook her head.

"Many people call many things and actions mad." Alma said and her calm presence made Joy jump in her seat as she herself with her fiery red hair felt like she was sitting on flames of fire, ready to run and scream. "Everyone has their own reasons for the things that they do, Joy. We shouldn't question them, just accept them and find a way to live with them."

"I've never been the one to just accept things as they are." Joy smirked and Alma squeezed her hand softly.

"No, I've known you long enough to learn that too." Alma chuckled.

"I don't think it takes a long time to see that in you, Joy." Gia smiled at her sister and the two of them nodded at each other.

"It's difficult to accept people getting hurt and dying and even harder to understand what is it all for." Joy replied after a while "To Jem it's an adventure, to Jerry a duty, to Ken it's both, to Walter and Luca a disaster for humankind…" Joy raised her hands in surrender.

"What does it mean to you?" Gia asked her.

"It means a very different, uncertain present and future." she said and her smile was weak.

"Joy, dear," Alma raised an eyebrow at her "-when are our present and future ever certain? War or no war?"

Joy looked at Alma with bright eyes. She considered what Alma said. She herself thought about this before and somehow when Alma said this right in front of her, she grasped the meaning of those words. "You're right, Alma." she said "We cannot be certain of a single second of our life. I used to think of that as an awfully wonderful adventure, why, today I shudder at the thought." Joy visibly did shudder and Bacio looked up at her mother with worrisome eyes. Joy planted a kiss on her black head.

"For some this uncertainty is also wonderful." Alma took a sip of the wine scrumptiously "Lorenzo's wife, Francesca, will give birth in eight weeks' time and she is simply tiptoeing around the nursery all day long, or so my brother tells me."

"I can't believe it's been so long since their wedding already." Joy shook her head in disbelief "I think one of those days I should actually reply to Lorenzo's letters, they're only friendly." She gave a meaningful look towards Gia who immediately started rising her eyebrows in protest.

"Joyce, you don't have any obligation that you 'should' do anything in that respect. Please don't take any offence, Alma, I know he is your nephew, but Lorenzo is an arse!" Alma and Joy looked at one another and burst out laughing merrily, Gia joining them promptly, even Bacio and Bianca looked up, amused themselves.

"No offence taken at all, dearest." Alma replied at last "And I agree with you completely, you, Joy, don't need to reply to his letters if you don't want to, only reply if you think you could both develop a friendship and that you do feel the need for this friendship at the same time."

Joyce sighed and clasped her hands together "That's the problem, I do think I want to rediscover our friendship, he was definitely my kindred spirit, albeit not a fantastic candidate for a life partner." She chuckled again and so did her companions.

"Would you say that Luca might be a preferable candidate?" Alma uttered slyly from behind her glass of wine.

Joy's freckled cheeks reddened slightly "I… I don't know." She managed to say and readily finished off her glass of wine.

"All you say in the 'love' regard is 'I don't know'." Gia imitated Joyce's sophisticated voice and made her smile again. "For the love of God, so many women moan about not being looked at by any male gaze whilst you have so many different options to choose from and yet you make such a fuss."

"That's exactly it though, I am doing everything in my humanly power to avoid the fuss, the fuss being love and all that comes with it, during the war at that. Of course, Alma, you're right that everything is uncertain anyway but goodness me, men go to war and you know deep down that their life expectancy can be shortened by so many decades because of it. How would I to bear it? How?" Joy seemed to breathe it all out in such an exhausting way that she almost gasped for air at the end of her speech. She had kept all of her thoughts on love and men and oh, God, so much love, all to herself for quite a while. What she managed to say out loud didn't cover half of what she actually thought and felt, it slowly started to swallow her thoughts, sending waves of uncertainty she was opposed to from the day she was born down her very spine and she knew that one day this volcano of hers would erupt in one way or another.

"I know Luca is in love with me. You don't need to tell me." Joy carried on when she took a few mouthfuls of air "I can see it in his eyes, I can hear it in his words, the smiles he gives me are very outspoken and clear. And of course, you're right too, Gia, I know for many it is difficult to find one admirer, secret or not, let alone more than one but truly, all I ever want is to be happy by myself and it's beginning to dawn on me that maybe I do want more. The trouble is that I do not know who I should allow to bring me that 'more'. And all I can do is solve this mystery by myself because no one but me can make this decision!" Joy crossed her arms and looked up to the sky, sighing for a millionth time this evening. The sky was turning even more pink, the clouds began to resemble cotton candy more with each second and for a moment Joy allowed her imagination to make her believe she was somewhere far, far away, away from everything and everyone.

Alma and Gia shared a poignant look and then glanced at Joy and her glowing face and dreamy closed eyes. "Shall we open another bottle?" Gia stood up readily, Alma covered her face from another burst of laughter, Joy simply extended her hand with an empty glass and without opening up her eyes she whispered "This shouldn't even be a question in anyone's dictionary."

June 1915

My dearest of Mamas,

I have no words. I truly don't know what to say or what to feel. Our beautiful Walter going to war, joining Jem and Ken in their atonement for being who they are at the time that they live in. My God, what has this world done!

Yes, I did receive a letter from him. I truly am doing my best to understand his decision and yet I fail every single time, Mama, how on Earth are you being so strong and so hopeful all at the same time? I know what you will say, yes, I have always been so bright and happy and optimistic and I still am, however, this dreaded war has put so much worry into my heart, my soul seems to have caught up with its plague, I only pray my mind does not catch this disease too!

I will support anyone who truly wants to go and enlist. Walter is not that person though, he detests the very idea of it, just as much as I do. It is so difficult to put oneself into someone else's shoes, and maybe if I were Walter I would know that that is the right decision, as he writes me. My lovely Mama, please, please, please, know that I am with you in spirit all the time, even more so now, and that I feel your hidden fear and trembling lips. You are the bravest of us all, braver than your sons and your daughters. I am so glad that Dad is there with you to embrace you, I already wrote him and told him to hold you tighter at every breakfast for me as I did in the past.

This blasted letter correspondence is making me sick, I cannot believe that I only received the news today and yet Walter enlisted a month ago and is now on his way to training. And Ken is on his way overseas… What in the world is this life? I simply cannot believe it and both you and I have such vivid imaginations, yet this has gone way beyond that, I must say.

I wish both Walter and Ken so much luck, and so much hope that I think my heart will soon burst, split open, spill over the edges of my soul and become ink I will write to them on this truly horrifying journey they are about to embark on.

I will not focus this letter to you on those feelings though, Mama, it's truly unbecoming of me but in your own words "Who else are you to come to in your darkest of hours if not to your ever-loving mother?", you said this to me when I was 6 years old and yet I've never forgotten it, it sent shivers down my spine then and it still does to this very day.

Let us focus on the positives. Walter is finally and officially courting Una and wants the world to know. How simply wonderful! I think this news truly has the power to overshadow the dreariness of the other news. I agree with you wholeheartedly, Mama, they are meant to be together, they fit, you know? They really do, like a pair of tailor-made gloves. I've exchanged quite a few letters with dear Una since I came back to Italia last autumn and she's never anything but delightful, isn't she? And how pretty too! However, physical charm can only get you so far and Una has it all, she is a definition of fairy flawlessness. And Walter is a male version of that definition, but of course both you and I are biased!

In other news, Lorenzo sent me another letter asking for forgiveness (this now makes exact twenty such letters he has sent to me) and politely seeking to renew our friendship. I have decided to reply to him right after I write this letter to you for I finally feel ready and truly seeking this reconciliation between us. You know, Mama, how much I liked his spirit, his mind, the way he viewed the world and the way he simply understood my over-the-top machinery that is my own mind. I've had enough time to make complete peace with his betrayal and his new life and I have moved on. I write this with full certainty and thus, it will do me good to have another soul to speak to.

Luca and I started having an afternoon tea in the fields every afternoon now. Bacio always accompanies us, waving her tail and patiently calming her frustration whenever a smell of cake or sandwiches drifts her way. I am attaching a photograph Luca took of both Bacio and myself just a week ago and another photograph of the three of us too so you can finally see how he looks like. Mama, I have grown to truly like him, I dare not say more. He is a kind spirit, calm, gentle, soft and understanding, he actually reminds me much of Una. We share thoughts, worries and laughs together. He knows everything about me and I about him. He calls me "Bella-Joy" and I must admit that my heart melts a little every time he does. The war occupies his mind more and more each day and so now my heart skips a beat every time right before I'm to see him, fearing he will appear in khaki. I know this day will come, and each morning I think I am making my peace with this fact, and yet every afternoon I remember that I myself am at war with this notion. I cannot say more than this, Mama, for I am still in search of my own feelings or lack of them. Time will tell.

I am also sending you all some money, please do not in any circumstances send it back, my work pays me well and I am fortunate enough to say this as an adult and as a woman ever more so. I want to help however I can, so please, if anything, give this money to Rilla so she can buy herself something fancy and forget about the war for a second, please Mama, do not scold her for this, she is only young.

As always I am bursting with work to combat my gruelling worries and fill up my time. The world is a lonely place, Mama, as you know well enough yourself when everyone is busy with themselves and their own life. It is saddening to realise that when you become an adult you suddenly need more companionship than when you were a child. Do not fear, I am quite well and I am happy overall, however, sometimes when I am by myself in my room, despite Bacio being there, I feel quite… by myself. I soldier on, though, Mama, and I am sure you do too.

I told my boss that I shall only write cheerful short stories for his newspapers now. And I declared that I want them to be published on the same page as the war news. There's always a fine balance of the two in life nowadays and why not also in the newspapers that people read every day? You'll be pleased to know that my suggestion was accepted and implemented that very day.

I do hope you are all well in our good old Ingleside. I am sure Dad takes care of you like no other (well, maybe Susan being the exception, of course). I promise to be with you in spirit every time of every day and night, telling you just how wonderful of a mother you have always been and always will be, and that us your children love you more than words can ever present. Gosh, what would this world be with the war surrounding us from all sides, with no mothers in it?

Eagerly awaiting your reply,

Your daughter,

Joyce