This is Sferë. Here, the Albanian nation is always in a primitive state of development. Meanwhile, the Great Powers grow, breed, and build new technology all around them.
This is the Guinea Ocean. Out here, there are many islands that're far between. Most are jungle-infested. To the same extent, quite a few are vampire-infested.
In the shallows off one of these islands, two boats float underway. One of them is a patrol cutter. It's got flashing lights atop its wheelhouse.
On an island nearby, there's a mental hospital. There, the alarm bells are ringing. One of their patients has just escaped.
In the other boat's wheelhouse, David Haller shows the hot female master-at-arms the safe where the boat's documentation is. He smiles, and gets to ogle her huge ass, as she rummages through the safe.
With his mutant power of illusion-casting, Haller smiles, and dupes the master-at-arms into thinking that she's found the proper documentation. THIS should keep him out of the mental hospital for a lot longer...
A black-and-white photo hangs on the bulkhead in the wheelhouse. It's of Jessica Jones. She bears the likeness of Krysten Ritter in a black A-shirt. For some reason, she resembles a vampire...
David scratches his head. His hair's sure been itching a lot lately. Alas, if only it was as simple as casting an illusion that his hair doesn't hurt.
At last, the master-at-arms stands. David's sad. He sure could've video-recorded more footage of her ass, as she rummaged through his safe.
But of course, being an illusion-casting mutant has its advantages. David's stored that footage in a "video reel" in his mind...
The master-at-arms apologizes to David for the trouble, shakes his hand, and prepares to disembark. David follows her out. His arms are crossed, and he's smiling. He's dodged yet another bullet, as always.
His father, Professor X, would be proud of him...if only Professor X hated the law as much as David did...
Sated, David blinks, and prepares to go back in. This has been enough trouble as it is.
Alas, the cutter speaks to him, via bullhorn. It's the master-at-arms. Fuck; David's been caught...
"Get you self a haircut," the Ekang master-at-arms yells at him. "Normally I like men with too much hair, but that does NOT look good on you!"
David sighs, and hangs his head. He should be more relieved, that he's not going back to the insane asylum. Alas, he's never been at-peace with getting haircuts. Even in the mutant underground, finding a good barber can be like finding a diamond in the rough.
Ray Stevens, he's going to hate this...
This is the Congo River Delta. Here, the islands are closer together. And that becomes truer and truer, the farther inland one gets.
Thankfully, though, the barber lives on one of the middle ones. Based here, he works a very dangerous night job.
Just outside his thatched-roofed cottage, he grows an herb garden. Most of the herbs are garlic...and are grown in pots. The herb garden's covered in rain-proof and shaded netting. Really, the jungle heat is all this garlic needs to ripen.
Inside, the cottage sports many skylights and windows. One would think there should be a tanning booth, too...or a dozen...
Outside, there's a bird bath. Here, oxpeckers come from all over the Congo to bathe. They must. They guzzle vampiric arachnids for a living, after all...
Out back, he keeps several tool sheds. They're stocked with firearms that fire UV rays. Mostly, though, they're swords; mainly katanas, but others as well. Many of these katanas were made in Okinawa.
There are metal jugs of pesticides, too. There are ixodicides (i.e. ticks), siphonaptericides (i.e. fleas), petromyzonticides (i.e. lampreys), cimexicides (i.e. bed bugs), hirudicides (i.e. leeches), vandellicides (i.e. candirus), desmodonticides (i.e. vampire bats), nematodicides (parasitic nematodes), culicicides (i.e. mosquitoes), and others.
One of these sheds is a barber shop. In here, in the violet barber chair, David sits, and waits for his hair to be attended to.
In yet another shed, the barber does some woodwork; stakes, to be more specific. She's also got a lot of crossbows in some of her other sheds, both handheld and full-size, to fire these stakes like bolts.
Meet Erica Brooks. In case you can't tell by now, she's a vampire huntress. She's also an Ekang daywalker; i.e. she's the bastard daughter of a human and a vampire.
In a flash of violet light, she teleports into the barber shop, scaring David. To make things more tense, she's brought a pair of Okinawa katanas with her. She sharpens them with each other, making purple sparks as she goes along.
She sets them down, and takes off her shirt. From a rack nearby (NOT hers), a shirt hangs. Across its front, it says REAL HE-MUTANTS DON'T EAT KOSHER.
Now, Haller's REALLY nervous. His mother was a Jew, which makes him half-one...and therefore, one.
Seems unlikely that an Ekang would hate Jews, seeing as Ekangs and Jews have, and usually do, take the same side on racial topics. Alas, Haller's pretty sure he's not falling for one of his mutant illusions. If that shirt of hers doesn't say REAL HE-MUTANTS DON'T EAT KOSHER, either he's lost control of his mutant power, or he should've stayed in that mental hospital...or both.
Ms. Brooks takes back up her katanas...right after she takes off both of her shoes. She sets one on the edge of the chair seat...just beneath David's thighs. She's got nice feet. She's just about to make David hard...
She crosses her katanas in front of her, and smiles, with shadowy eyes. "What service," she asks, in a steamy Ekang accent, "may I dote you?"
Of course, David understands that as intense as this all is, he's got nothing to be ashamed of. He's just a simple little mutant. He casts his little illusions, and protects his little homefolk...whatever the cost. If Ms. Brooks doesn't get that, then if David survives this experience, he might as well look for a new barber...as hard as that sounds.
Unable to tell the truth, he improvises a lie. Or rather, he uses his mutant power to cast an illusion for her, which communicates exactly what he's lying...or deluding, rather...
I hunt hogs in the Congo, he deludes. I dupe the males into thinking that they've cornered a sow, and then I shoot them at point-blank...with an Uzi. I eat half of what I kill, and then sell the rest to the Burmese. If a Jew buys any, I charge them double for it, and then pay the government a tariff. I have a beagle named King who I would hunt with...if he wasn't better at scaring the hogs away than he was at killing them.
With that, Ms. Brooks smiles, takes up her katanas, and slashes them...delivering Deadly Sword Technique No. 2137 to David's hair. (That's...the basic honorary haircut for the cute pork-guzzling Jewish mutant, in the Blade manual.)
Later, as David leaves, not only is his hair gone, but there are creepy black tattoos running up and down his scalp...as there are atop Ms. Brooks's.