Author's Note: Happy 2021 everyone! I get so nervous every time I upload a new chapter because in the back of my mind I am going "what if they don't like it?!" So for all of those who leave me comments, know that I very much appreciate them because not only do your kind words make my day, but they inspire me when I feel like my writing just isn't good enough to put out there. I don't have a clear timeline in my head for when I will have a new chapter ready, so let's just say it will be "weeks." I've also been playing in my head with another story idea but I keep reminding myself, one project at a time!
Chapter 12: Rise and Fall
Kylo Ren woke first the next morning. Feeling Rey still wrapped in his arms, the dark Jedi used the time to simply meditate – focusing on first on the steadiness of her breath, then on his, feeling the force flowing throughout the galaxy, feeling his connection to Rey, and in turn, feeling the constant pull of the dark side like an undertow in the waves. Whatever Palpatine was planning, he intended to set his plan in motion soon. But slicing through the darkness was hope, Rey's hope. Instinctively placing a kiss upon her forehead, he had unintentionally caused her to wake, though she didn't seem to mind as she snuggled in close, listening to the sound of the dark Jedi's heart beat beneath her.
"You seem different." She spoke quietly, not wanting to drown out the steady rhythm beneath her head.
"Really?" he asked. "How?"
"Stronger. I've never seen you so powerful. Even if you hadn't killed Snoke when you did, he'd be no match for you now. How did you even do it? Project yourself halfway across the galaxy like that."
"All my years of training with Snoke taught me how to use my power, but I was always fighting for me. When Palpatine attacked the rebel base, I knew you were there. I wasn't fighting out of anger to prove myself to anyone. I was fighting to protect you, to protect the only person in the galaxy who has ever given me hope. I think it's why you've been so strong since the first day I met you. You were always fighting to protect your friends."
"Back when you called me a filthy scavenger."
"Had you ever bathed up to that point in your life?" he joked.
"Shut up!" she giggled, giving him a gentle knock on the shoulder as he rolled out of bed and collected his shirt off the floor. "Mind giving me a few minutes? I might be moving a little bit slow this morning."
Taking his leave, he heard the scavenger girl call out to "be nice" to her friends.
Through the sleepiness in her eyes, she still managed to smile as she stretched her body, delighting in the fact that he was still here, even if it was only to be short-lived. They needed to get back to the Falcon, and the scavenger girl imagined that asking Kylo Ren to step foot aboard his late father's ship, let alone to have to see his mother, would be too big an ask right now. Though he had been able to let go of so much of the anger from his past and forgive his family, he'd likely fall to pieces at the first sight of Leia; with Palpatine's strength growing, he wasn't going to risk looking weak in front of anyone. Throwing on her dress, the scavenger girl readied herself for the likelihood that her dark Jedi would return to the First Order to continue preparing his fleet for the battle of a lifetime.
Poe had managed to borrow a broken landspeeder from his old friends in exchange for turning it up so that it would run. The pilot, currently occupied in said endeavor, let out colorful curse after curse at the vehicle's constant backfiring. Rey's talents were really much better suited to such a task, and perhaps when she was up and about, it would be worth having her take a look. Finn was reading something on his datapad inside the shelter while sipping on tea and didn't even bother to look up as he kicked the chair opposite him away from the table, essentially offering the Supreme Leader a seat as he approached the table.
Pouring himself a cup of the bright crimson tea, he found that so obnoxiously sweet to ignite a sharp pain in his teeth. It was probably made with those red berries native to this planet, not at all like the over-steeped bitter coffee was accustomed to getting about the command ship. Still, not being one for overly sweet either, he wasn't sure which was worse.
On the table, still covered in Rey's dried blood, was the compliance disk. As thin as a simple metal washer and as unmenacing as a coin, yet capable of so much pain for his beloved. Kylo Ren remembered when these disks were still being tested. Still Snoke's apprentice at the time, neither he nor his master saw a need for such devices. If traditional First Order interrogation techniques failed to extract the desired information, a few minutes at the hands of Kylo Ren was all that was needed. Still, Hux insisted on their development, and at that time, Kylo Ren had no real authority to stop him. Now, as the Supreme Leader, he ordered the discontinuation of their production line the day after his beautiful Jedi had been implanted with one. This thing was so thin, how easy it would be to simply crush it in his fist.
Finn broke the silence, pulling the dark Jedi out of his train of thought. "Rey doing okay?"
Taking a moment to process what was asked, he eventually shook off a yawn and replied, "she's still getting up, but she'll be all right. It will probably be a few days before she's back to 100%."
"And how are you feeling?"
Confused by the question, Kylo Ren quipped, "do you even care?"
"Not really," Flinn admitted. "Just making small talk."
"I don't do small talk."
"All right, straight to business then," he said, sliding his datapad across the table. "Based on this data, my friends and I collected after Palpatine's assault on our base, his fleet that attacked had to consist of at least 10 Imperial Class dreadnoughts. Now I know the First Order has two Mandator Class,"
"Five."
"A dozen Executor Class,"
"Fifteen."
"and at least 100 Imperial Class."
"150." At that point, Finn stopped reading off his clearly incorrect datapad. "Plus another several thousand smaller vessels and on the order of 250,000 fighters across the galaxy. You really should update your intelligence; that's just embarrassing."
"I got these numbers from a source deep within the high ranks of the order."
"Hux? Sorry to reveal your source, but I've been feeding him bad intel for almost a year. While he's been off trying to deal with the last of the resistance, I have had more…loyal followers bolstering up my fleet."
Unable to wrap his mind around the information, Finn tried to process it out loud. "The materials alone for their construction would have sent reg flags across the galaxy. No way you could have done all of that without getting noticed."
"The galaxy is a fairly large place. Everyone is always ear to the ground for the construction of new starships, but no one thinks twice about the scavengers who commandeer and then repair the old ones. I didn't need to build these things from scratch; most of the hauls were salvaged from previous battles. They were repaired and updated with new tech in a matter of months. All, I might add, without draining the resources of outer rim planets until they were nothing but wastelands."
"That's…brilliant, actually."
"Yeah, well, you can thank Rey for that. The idea was hers, and she's been quietly overseeing the construction. She even insisted that the First Order pay for additional materials and construction rather than enslaving a labor force. Turns out, labor is cheap when half the galaxy is starving. We opted to pay more in terms of food portions and agricultural assistance rather than credits. But still, back to your point, even with my fleet, it won't be enough to stop Palpatine should he decide the time is right to unleash his army. If we are going to have any chance at this, I need the help of the resistance. After Palpatine is gone, I'll grant a one time pardon to anyone associated with the resistance or with Leia. As long as the lot of you disperse and quit giving me trouble, I have no intention of hunting any of you down."
The conversation was interrupted by Poe cursing at the ridiculousness of part shortages while wringing a cloth through his hands trying to remove some of the grease. Rey had also emerged from the back room, her loose-fitting sky blue dress covering her med-pack and a white hooded poncho overtop. She was surprised to see all three men together and not at each other's throats. Finn and Kylo Ren were even comparing notes on a datapad. But after not being able to eat yesterday in preparation for surgery, her sights were firmly set, not on her friends, but on a bowl full of berries at the table. After popping a few in her mouth, she noticed the compliance disk sitting in front of her dark Jedi. Hesitating at first, the disk found it's way into her fingers and, along with it, a thought for all the pain she had endured because of Hux and this stupid thing. Kylo Ren may have insisted that killing Hux would only lead them back down the path to the dark side, but, still, there was a part of her that longed for his demise. A secret desire whose variations played on repeat in her head, each giving her a depraved sense of satisfaction. She had often dreamed about that day except that instead of Kylo Ren showing him mercy, she would have watched the very life be choked from his lungs. Another variation involved taking matters into her own hands, imagining the weight on her psyche lifted as she would run her vibrant saber through and split him from navel to nose.
Knowing that all eyes in the room were on her, Rey released the disk allowing it to drop to the floor, igniting a collective sigh of relief from all three men. As Poe turned to head out the door first, Rey brought down the heel of her boot to smash the disk and took pleasure in the crunching electronics beneath her foot. It wasn't enough. The clenching of her fist shifting knuckles white while gritted teeth forced her silence when all she wanted to do was scream. This torturous device made her feel helpless and kindled in her an animosity like acid - burning, slicing, potent. Her face red, no longer able to hide her suppressed rage as her heel came down harder and harder.
Finn shouted, "Rey, you're going to pull out your stitches if you keep this up!" while Kylo Ren stepped in from behind, wrapping an arm across her chest to let her body rest back onto him.
With a fist pressed to her mouth and a hard exhale through her nose, Rey tried to swallow her anger. She had to be careful; Palpatine latched onto anger. Her exasperated breaths started to slow, allowing a release of the tension in her stance. "I'm fine," she lied. "You guys just…you all have no idea what that pain feels like."
"No, " Finn said, "but I also know it is not going to be productive for you to get angry over it. Now, if you want something to get angry over, I suggest you see the hack job Poe did to that speeder outside."
"You haven't even seen it yet!" Poe protested.
"No, but I am familiar with your quality of work." Finn jested back. While the two (lovingly) bickered, Rey leaned her head back on her dark Jedi; even with the shifting of her weight, he didn't move an inch. He was practically a tower of strength. Only after whispering over her shoulder that she really was okay did he let her body go.
"I'll look at it. Come on you," she said, pulling Poe's sleeve, "let's see what damage you've done."
"No, look, I'm serious, it's not fixable."
"Uh-huh, yeah, sure."
Twenty minutes in Rey's hands, and the speeder was up and running. While Finn looked over a map to determine the best route back without detecting too much attention, Poe wanted some time alone with Zorri, to thank her for all she had done. Supposing it was time to say goodbye to her dark Jedi once more, she took him into the back into Zorri's shelter, hoping to do it in private.
"Are your friends just about ready?" he said, collecting his bag. "Or still arguing like they should be an old married couple?"
"They have an…interesting dynamic, to say the least. Truth be told, I think they enjoying giving each other such a hard time." Sitting beside her love, she placed her hand over his own. "What is your next move?" Furrowing his brow, the dark Jedi tiled his head to the side, not entirely understanding what she was implying. "When you leave to go back to the First Order," she clarified.
"I intend to stay with you until you healed enough that we can return together. Unless, of course, you want me to,"
"No, no, no" she said, cutting him off, placing her hands over his mouth while he mumbled beneath her palms. "I want you to stay! Nothing would make me happier. I just thought that with the Falcon and your mother, it would be too much."
"I've always known what I had to do, and knowing that you'll be there finally gives me the strength to do it. We need Leia's help to unite the galaxy; we'll talk to her together."
Kylo Ren wasn't entirely sure how he would feel being aboard the Falcon again, especially after having spent so many years wanting to reduce that ship to nothing but dust. He also hadn't yet told Rey that he had already spoken to his mother not once but twice now. It was never intended to be kept a secret, but the timing to bring it up had just never seemed right. Wrapping his arm around his beautiful Jedi's shoulders in the back seat of the speeder, feeling the press of her body as she scooted even closer to him, he wondered what would await him aboard that ship. Only a handful of Rebels at the base survived, and fewer still joined Leia aboard the Falcon, the rest dispersing across the rim. As soon as the top of the ship crested over the horizon, Kylo Ren laced his fingers inside Rey's. It was her turn to be strong for him. He may have faced his mother, but there was one more person whose forgiveness was needed if Ben Solo were to truly live again.
"So Ben, you know where our ship is. Don't you think that you owe it to tell us where is your ship is hidden?" Poe asked.
"I will tell you no such thing."
"Well, it's going to be kind of hard for me to drop you off if I don't know where I'm going."
Rey interjected, "He's coming back with us."
"Like hell he is!" Poe said, slamming on the brakes. "Look, I was fine with him being at Zorri's because it made you feel better, or whatever. But he's the fucking Supreme Leader of the First Order, Rey. He is the enemy!"
"Palpatine is the enemy." She corrected, clearly irritated.
"Oh, and I suppose it was Palpatine who's been chasing us down for the last five years, enslaving planets, promising protection when what they really want is absolute control? And let's not forget, only one person in this speeder fucking killed his own father!"
"Poe!" Finn shouted. "Look, man, I served under Kylo Ren. Now I don't know much about the dark side, but I know it seriously messes with your head. Think how Rey was when Palpatine had control of her. She almost killed Leia without even realizing what she was doing. This guy may call himself Kylo Ren or Ben Solo or whatever else, but he's not that man I served under in the Order. That sith wouldn't have saved Rey from Palpatine, or saved Leia from possessed-dark-crazy-Rey. He wouldn't have come to the rescue of a minuscule resistance base when a guy who's supposed to be long dead decided to crawl out of his grave. You don't have to like the guy, but for Rey's sake, and probably for Leia's, you have to at least trust that right now we share a common enemy. We can't defeat Palpatine without his help because if what happened back at the base happens again, and he doesn't call in the Order to help us, we're done for."
Unconvinced, but clearly overruled, Poe reluctantly returned them all to the Falcon. There was no one aboard at their arrival, allowing Poe to warn the dark Jedi that he was not to go near Leia unattended. But, the Supreme Leader was not paying attention in the least. His focus was consumed on the only place that he could even remotely call home. His few good childhood memories and countless bad ones all happened there. And, he had already been across half of the galaxy by five years old by being aboard this ship. As a child, he had dreamed one day of piloting it the way his father had. As a sith apprentice fighting the pain of his past, he wanted nothing more than to see it reduced to space dust. But now, as a man, he recognized that holding memories of his father might not be such a bad thing.
"Ren, are you okay?" the scavenger girl asked.
Running his hands along the metal frame way of the loading ramp, he responded, "for years, I wanted nothing more than to tear this heap of metal apart because it represented the past I wanted so much to kill. But if I really think about it, all of my best memories were here, and everyone I have ever cared about is here now. It doesn't make me feel angry anymore."
"How does it make you feel?"
"Like I'm home." His words ignited a smile on his beautiful Jedi's face. Resting her body against the frame with hands folded behind her back, she breathed a shallow yet fulfilling sigh of relief.
Rey let out a gasp of relief as she unfastened the medpack from her core. Compression was necessary to speed the healing, but it seemed as if she could never take a full breath with it on. Feeling behind her, the tops of her sterristrip stitches had begun to peel back. It would be a few days at least before she could remove them. Glancing over her shoulder to see her back in the mirror, she felt an overwhelming sense of relief, for it seemed that so many things in the galaxy were finally going down the correct path. With eyes closed, the tiniest smile appeared as the beautiful Jedi inhaled deeply.
Even though he did not announce his presence, she knew that Kylo Ren had entered their sleeping quarters. Brushing his fingers down her arms, he laced them between hers and embraced her from behind, leaving sweet kisses along her neck, watching the corner of her smile widen. Freeing one of her hands, the scavenger girl glided her fingers into her love's thick black hair as her eyes became lost in his. With closing fingers around his silky hair and rising to her tiptoes, she rested her body back into his to close the space between their lips. He lightly brushed his thumb across her lips before parting them and tasting her once more.
As Kylo Ren slid his hands down her warm core, the scavenger girl tilted her head back against his chest, enjoying his caress. In the past year, she had watched this man evolve from the murderous snake that served only the dark side back into the compassionate and caring man she had grown to love. To her, it didn't matter what he called himself; she knew in her heart who he was. Yet, when he appeared on Kijimi the previous day, under the stone bridge, something about him had changed. She should see it in his eyes and feel it in his soul.
A light knock on the door was followed by request to wait while Rey threw her blue dress back on. Kylo Ren had half expected it to be Finn or Poe, but felt a knot grew into a pit in his stomach as their visitor entered. It was easy all those years to be angry with his parents and his uncle for what they had done, but the was one member of his family for whom neither Ben Solo nor Kylo Ren harbored any hate. And now, after nearly eight years of darkness, he stood face to face with the only being in the galaxy whom he had irrevocably hurt without any just cause—Chewie.
The wookie let out a small gurgle as Kylo Ren responded, "No, of course. Come in."
"Should I go?" Rey whispered, not wanting to interfere with their reunion.
"No," he blurted out quickly, terrified of the prospect of having to face his late father's best friend alone. "Stay," he added, "please." Chewie sat down on the edge of the bed – the only available piece of furniture in the room. Though he kept his back to Rey as he faced his late father's closest friend, she could sense his unease and placed her hand on his quaking shoulder to let him know that she was always there for him, no matter what. The wookie could practically read the anxiety written over Kylo Ren's tightened face. Trying to break the ice, he first asked how Rey was doing.
"Much better. It's a relief to finally have that compliance disk out after so many months."
Awkward silence resumed. The supreme leader hesitated to find the words. What could he even say that would remedy all the hurt he had caused Chewie? He figured the best place to start was an explanation for why it had taken him so long to even reach this point. "Every time I felt a pull towards the light, it was easy to run back to the darkness because it was easier than knowing that at some point, I would have to explain myself to my parents and to you. I can't undo what I've done, and every reason that I tried to use to justify my actions just rings hollow."
Ruuuuaaaaahhhh
"I…I just wanted to be free of my pain. I knew what I had to do; I had to choose a side once and for all. That day, on the walkway, I saw my father, and I felt that pull. And he wanted me to come with him; he wanted to take me home." Taking a deep inhale through his nose, the dark Jedi tried to maintain his composure. "I let my helmet drop to the ground, and I let him have my saber, hoping to feel relief, to feel the love that a son should have in the arms of his father." Placing her other hand on his shoulder, Rey tried to brace Kylo Ren, for they both knew what was next in the story. "But that wasn't what I felt. When I let him take my saber, I felt like a failure, and I could feel the anger seething in my blood. I was already a traitor to the resistance. And if I had left with him that day, I would have been a traitor to Snoke. And what would have happened to me when I returned? A trail? A jail cell? A firing squad? I knew at that moment that there was no going back; I was not going to be the failed apprentice and I was never letting go of that saber."
Rrrrrrrwwwwwgggg, gggwwwwrgggghhh
"Don't give me that kind of credit. I chose to go to the dark side because I wanted power. No one gave a second thought to Ben Solo, the entire fucking galaxy bows to Kylo Ren. Everyone saw so much Vader in me anyway; I merely became what everyone already knew I was. And the dark side…it's this insane rush; it's like spice in my veins. And the more power I gained, the more I wanted. I wanted it more than my family, more than anything. And it became easier to bury my feelings in rage than to face the guilt of what I had done. But, to this day, I can't stop seeing it." Taking the bridge of his nose between his fingers, he sniffed back his tears and added, "And my father…I never missed him. For seven years, I never once missed him. And every day since then, I haven't stopped." Rey brushed tears from her own eyes. Though the dark Jedi had confided these feelings to her before, the weight of that confession wasn't the same. Han was an acquaintance that Rey had known for a few short weeks; in turn, the relief of her forgiveness, though not insignificant, was minuscule compared to the closure that Chewie and Leia could give.
Raaaaawwwgh, aaaaaaarrrrrrgh, wwwwwrrrrraaaagh
Placing a hand overtop Rey's, she nodded to encourage him to keep going. He finished his words through quivering lips. . "I killed my father, I killed my uncle, I killed my mentor, and I'm such a coward that I chose to stay in the dark side of the force rather than having to face the gravity of what I'd done." The wookie let out a series of sounds so fast and nuanced that Rey could no longer follow. Kylo Ren turned his head away while closing his eyes, only to have them shoot open again when Chewie leaned in close and placed a hand over the dark Jedi's heart. "Chewie, I'll never forgive myself for what I've done." Holding his head in the palms of his hand, the dark Jedi practically shook with grief. Rey quickly released her hands as the wookie pulled Kylo Ren into a hug- a physical gesture to show the dark Jedi that the wookie had never stopped believing that Ben Solo would return. At first, the stiffness in his shoulder stayed hunched, arms trembling as they stayed glued to his temples, with breath held captive in his lungs. Rey knew this feeling, she had been on the other side of it once herself. Then, it happened. His hands fell onto Chewie's fuzzy arms and his face buried in his chest. Asking if he could have a few moments alone with the dark Jedi, Rey quietly excused herself. As the door closed behind her, she heard Kylo Ren's words, broken with sobs but straight from his heart, "Chewie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Rey had been sitting patiently just outside the door, too worried about Kylo Ren to wander off. If he needed her, she wanted to be mere steps away. Though, Chewie's few moments had really turned into a few hours. The lagging fatigue from her surgery, combined with the relief of watching her dark Jedi make peace with his father's closest friend, had given way to sleep.
Inside, the dark Jedi had found comfort in the arms of his "other uncle." They shared their favorite memories of Han and of Luke as they both mourned their losses. And yet, he could still see Han in the boy's eyes, Luke in his face, and Leia in his stubbornness, a comment which ignited a shared laugh between the pair. As the hour grew late, Chewie insisted that they both needed to get some sleep. "Can we talk more tomorrow? I feel like there is still so much I need to tell you." Bidding the dark Jedi good night with a simple nod, he opened the chamber door to see the sleeping scavenger girl in the hall. "It's okay, Chewie, I can carry her." Kneeling down in front of his beautiful scavenger girl and tucking his arm underneath her legs, he had hoped to let her stay asleep, but his movements had caused her to rouse.
Pushing the sleep from her eyes, she looked at him with first a soft smile, and then almost with shock, while he cradled her in his arms. Her mind stuttered as it tried to keep up with the image her eyes were showing. With fingers covering her mouth, ever so slightly agape, she took in every inch of him. She had sensed the beginnings of it when she first saw him under the bridge and now finally knew what transformation had happened. The guilt of his past no longer haunted him, he embraced it rather than fearing it, and in that, he was made stronger still. He had forgiven his family, had been forgiven by them, and was no longer ashamed by his past. "Ben?" she whispered as if keeping it quiet would somehow lessen the disappointment if she were wrong.
There was only a brief pause before nodding his head to confirm what she hoped to be true, "yeah, I think so." Her hands could not hide her smile as her eyes filled with joy. Tracing the outline of his cheek, she kissed him as passionately as she had the day she had accepted his hand; his own smile no longer hidden away and reserved only for when no one but Rey could see.
This is where she had hoped they would be on that day, nearly two years ago now, when she left behind Luke Skywalker, knowing that Kylo Ren would turn if she went to him. When her carrier vessel traveled to the loading dock of the Supremacy, adrenalin rushed in her veins, and yet she couldn't move a single muscle, not even to scream. Such a small tight enclosure had been torture enough, but the fear of not knowing who would greet her upon her landing was even more so. The jolting thud of her landing made her heart skip a few beats but seeing the black outline of his jacket is what truly robbed the very breath from her lungs. It seemed like an eternity before she could see his face, though, when the steam had cleared, Snoke's apprentice, a sith, stared back. In the end, he had only turned for a moment, just long enough to fill Rey's heart with hope before he crushed it with all the force she had ever known possible as he refused to leave the First Order. The day he came for her at the ruins of the senate was the day he truly turned, even if he would never dare admit it, because every day after, it was only Ben's eyes that she saw.
Returning to the privacy of their room, the dark Jedi couldn't help but notice a change in her eyes. They were somehow at rest, not unblinking yet slowed, a similar look to the one she gave him the first night they touched hands through the force.
"You're looking at me differently." He said, lowering her body down to the bed.
Biting her bottom lip while still shining her smile, she shook her head. "No. I see the same man I've always seen. The one I fell in love with, fought battles with, shared every intimate moment of my life with. It's just…for the first time, you see him too."
The dark Jedi touched his forehead to hers, guiding their bodies to press against each other. It had taken so long to reach this moment. The metallic bang and hiss of the air circulation system kicked in, pushing cleaned and cool air into the room. It would be only seconds before she would be grabbing for a blanket to protect herself from the cold air, and true to her form, Rey did exactly that. An unconscious smile gave way to an amused chuckle under his breath, for even though Rey had the ferocity to destroy hundreds of red stormtroopers, the fire to regain control of her mind again and again, even as Palpatine's grip grew stronger, and the bravery to face and fight Snoke, a shot of cold air could reduce his beautiful Jedi to a shivering ball.
Ah Snoke…in a way, his old master gave him the freedom to become whomever he wanted…at least in the beginning. But light or dark, the methods were always the same. As the years went on, Snoke's praise became criticism, his advice cruel, and his love conditional upon the dark Jedi fulfilling his wishes. He may have tried to take credit for their dyad, but Kylo Ren never once believed it. Their connection was a pure expression of the power of the force. In the first touch of their hands, the sheer rush of her hopes, her fears, her past, her future, and her feelings sealed their fate; they were destined by the force to be together. He also saw the darkness in her and believed she would turn to stand with him. He hoped that Rey knew by now that her dark Jedi was never going to let Snoke kill her that day aboard the Supremacy. She was going to walk out of that throne room as his apprentice, whether it was with Snoke's blessing or over his dead corpse.
Rey was right, of course, as she always was. In the end, it was Kylo Ren who turned, slowly, as he began to realize that his feelings for the scavenger girl were stronger than any desire he had for power. Yet, returning to the light was only the first step. Rey also helped him heal from the trauma of his past and reconcile with his guilt. But not until his mother and Chewie had both graced him with their forgiveness did he ever imagine that he could once more call himself Ben Solo.
Hearing the whisper of his name, he looked at Rey with so much love in his eyes. Taking her face into his hands, he started his kisses across her forehead and covered every inch of her face before imparting his lips onto hers, her body rising to meet his affection. Enjoying her fluttered heartbeat, he drank in her every breath. Offering to help her change into sleeping clothes, the scavenger girl admitted that what she wore was all she had since leaving the command ship. The blue dress, the white pants and scarf, all Leia's "from another life, or so it seemed." He insisted, at the very least, to pull off her boots for her so that she wouldn't have to bend her back. As noble a gesture as it was, he couldn't resist lightly brushing his fingertips across the bottom of her feet and listening to her giggle as she quickly pulled her foot away. With the second, he opted instead to kiss the top of her foot, leaving a trail all the way to the hem of her pants at her calf. Had more skin been available, he would have gladly continued his progression. Reaching beneath the bottom of her dress, he found the tops of her pants and tucked his thumbs between the fabrics, careful to leave her panties in place as he brought her pants down to the floor.
"Now I'm going to be cold." She joked.
"We better get you back under that blanket then."
Joining her on the edge of the bed, he wasted no time pulling her into his lap and wrapping them both in the blanket. A few gentle strokes of her cheek, a kiss on her forehead, and a kiss on each of her fingertips made Rey's heart tremble with excitement. Entwining her fingers in his black silky hair, her tongue gently flicked his bottom lip, and upon their open explored the rest of his mouth. As her affection deepened, she tilted his head upwards as she herself continued to rise, practically on her knees.
"You okay?"
"My back. I have to stay straight up."
"Want to lay down then?"
Pulling his chest down so that he laid overtop her, never ceasing in her fervent kisses, Rey settled into the bed. Perhaps it was the rhythm of their affection, but her dark Jedi's hips had begun to gently rock into her, sending that delicious sensation through her body. His lips had moved downward and imparted his love on her jaw and down her neck. Damn, she loved when he kissed the front of her neck like that, as her toes began to curl and her fingers wrapped around the locks of his hair. Wanting even more, Rey tilted her hips to better accept his gentle movements and was instantly rewarded when his next pressed upon a most tender spot, the smallest gasp escaping her mouth. She wanted so much to be his, in that most intimate way, to whisper in his ear that she was ready, and she trusted him to guide her through their first dance of making love. But her back simply would not tolerate that much movement right now. Perhaps she was simply paying for the sins of her grandfather. Still, how unfair was the galaxy that her virginity was stolen, her heart made to wait a year for Ben Solo to live, her spine subjected to what had to be a million jolts of lightning, and her desire forced to wait more torturous days before she could have her love fill both her womanhood and her heart so completely.
Rolling off of her body, Ben pulled Rey onto her side, his chest pressed into her back, and found his way beneath her dress. As his hand slid across the inside of her leg, they parted for him and shivered beneath his fingertips. Gently stroking his thumb back and forth across her thigh, he moved upwards so slowly Rey thought she may burst. Though clearly, she was not the only one enjoying this moment, for his erection had begun to press into the small of her back and grew as steadily as her desire.
Upon his arrival at the base of her panties, he gently stroked her through the fabric, the smallest hint of wetness already waiting for him. Wanting to open further for her dark Jedi, Rey lifted her leg back over his body, hoping he would stroke her harder, or remove her panties, or do anything to keep this incredible feeling building in her. Ben, however, was in no need to rush and traced along the outside of her garment, teasing with just the tip of his fingers beneath the fabric, not even reaching her slit, as his tongue gently lapped her neck within his open kisses.
Even though the fabric, Ben's thumb made easy work of her button of nerves, a flash of goosebumps practically exploding off of her skin at his first touch. Still, it was her sweet moans of pleasure that the dark Jedi found so enticing. Making deep, slow rounds about her slit, he whispered in his beloved's ear, asking to touch her like he had done before, a request she instantly granted and reveled in as two strong fingers pushed her garment aside and penetrated her womanhood, stroking her from the inside. If his fingers could feel this wonderful, Rey could only wonder how fantastic his manhood must feel, as she never once forgot the pressure of it growing in the small of her back. Feeling her muscles twitch, the dark Jedi knew she close to releasing in pleasure for him.
All the while that Rey squirmed in his arms, his own erection swelled, longing to be inside his love. He could just imagine how beautiful her body must be under those clothes. The curve of her hips, the shape of her breasts, and the pinkish hue of that most delicate spot between her legs, it was all too much. Sure, he had caught glimpses of an arm here, a leg there, but certainly never all of her, and never all at once. And of course, how amazing her womanhood would feel wrapped around his erection as he entered his love for the first time, her real first time, with someone who loved her more than life itself. Perhaps then, she would not associate sex with the abuse she suffered at the hands of Hux, but rather with a feeling of being loved and desired so completely by another human being. But the elation of his fantasy quickly faded as Rey reached behind her to hold onto his neck and gasped at the flash of pain from unintentionally arching her back, wanting him to touch her deeper as his movements quickened.
At the instinctual retraction of his hand, she whispered, "please, don't stop," too intoxicated by his touch to think about anything else. "I'm okay, I promise."
Hitting the lights, the room was left in near darkness with only the light of stars to illuminate the outlines of shadows. The fabric between her legs was well and truly soaked. Guiding the scavenger girl onto her back once more, she willingly lifted her hips for him, allowing the removal of her soiled undergarment. However, instead of simply touching her again, he pushed her knees apart until they practically opened into a diamond shape on the bed. Starting at her knee, Ben kissed the inside of her leg and suckled the skin of her inner thighs. Twitching underneath his touch, she grew both nervous and excited, not knowing what her love was planning.
"I want to kiss you, Rey."
"You are kissing me." She panted.
"I want to kiss you here." He clarified, with one gentle press of his fingertip on her womanhood just as she had done to him the night before on his chest.
Even though they were in darkness, Rey's eye's shot open, and she reminded herself that every time she had trusted Ben in the past, the results had always been delicious. Consenting to his intent, she couldn't help but wonder why he want to kiss her in such a wet and disgusting place? As his lips got closer, her body trembled all the more in anticipation. His "kiss" practically made her scream in audible pleasure; her hands slapped over her mouth to cover the sound. Though he focused on that same button of nerves, the sensation of his tongue was so entirely new, and unlike anything Rey had ever known possible. Ben could tell that she enjoyed his suckling and the lapping his tongue on her most tender spot, for her body twitched as she gasped the sexiest moans and it took only seconds for her body to release into him. As her breathing slowed and her body relaxed, he laid beside her once more, caressing the side of her arm and pressed slow kisses on her temple. Still, he couldn't ignore his own needs for much longer.
"I'll be right back." He whispered, trying to roll out of bed.
"Stay," she said, taking hold of his arm.
"Don't worry, I won't be long."
"No." Rolling on her side to face him, all the progress of becoming comfortable with their intimacy seemed to vanish in the red embarrassment of her cheeks. Still, she was determined to do this. "I know what you are leaving to do. You make me feel so incredible, and I just want to do the same for you, if you'll let me."
Kissing her once more, he professed that she didn't have to, only to be told once more that she wanted to at least try. "Okay," he sighed, trying to control himself. For the first time in almost two years, his pleasure would not be at the fantasy of Rey, but of her actual touch. Without thinking, one of his desires slipped off his lips, "Will you use your mouth?" Intimidated just by the question, the beautiful Jedi almost backed out of her offer. Her mouth?! True, he had just kissed her most private area, but still, what in the world had she gotten herself into? Retracting the request almost immediately, Ben apologized for trying to rush, saying he was just so thrilled to finally be in this moment with her and his excitement got the better of him. "Hands first," he corrected, a prospect she seemed much more comfortable with, even if the newness of the situation was still somewhat scary.
Reaching for his bag that he stashed under the bed, the dark Jedi retrieved a small bottle and placed a single drop into Rey's hands. The liquid was warm and slick. As she rubbed it between her fingers, the heat increased with the more friction she created. Interesting.
"If you don't like this, just stop. I don't want you to feel obligated in any way."
As he began messing with the top of his pants, Rey pushed his hands away and, through the fabric of his clothes, felt him beneath her palm. She had felt the pressure on him between her legs and in the small of her back, but had never touched him quite like she was about to do.
"I've never done this before. Will you tell me what to do?" she asked, undoing the clasp and the zipper, herself. Though, she opted to let him take care of removing the final layer. Sighing in relief that he was no longer compressed by his clothing, he turned onto his side once more to face Rey. She felt the tip of him putting pressure on her belly and took a deep breath as she put three drops of that warm liquid into her hands. Taking her by the wrist, Ben guided her hand to his erection and released the most pleasurable sigh Rey had heard as she wrapped her delicate fingers around him. Even this part of him was so strong and firm.
"Just, up and down to start," he whispered. She hadn't even completed a single stroke before the magnitude of his enjoyment was plastered across his face, and a sensual moan escaped his lips before he kissed her forehead.
This whole situation was hardly fair. Rey was so new to intimacy, and part of the pleasure for their dyad was discovering together what her body liked best. As a sith's apprentice, Snoke often encouraged Kylo Ren to give in to his sexual desires. After so many years of practice, Ben knew exactly what he liked and hoped that Rey would not get discouraged if he guided her. Though, even just having it be Rey's delicate hands seemed to excite him so much faster than normal. Through his heavy breaths, he smiled and took her face in his hands to kiss her feverishly. "Just a little tighter," he requested, as she closed her fingers around him even more, stroking the length of him, the pleasure of his enjoyment projected as deep exhales through his nose.
Taking her thumb in small supple circles, she tried to imitate the touches that he gave her button of nerves, the very ones that made her mind go crazy with pleasure. At the bottom of her stoke, he pushed her thumb to the tip of his manhood and whispered. "Do exactly what you were doing, but here." Her touch was intoxicating.
Noticing that his hips were inadvertently moving, Rey remembered how he rocked into her body, almost getting faster as she got closer to her release. Scooting her body in closer, she opened her legs just enough to guide his gentle movements into her folds, practically shaking with how wonderful it felt to have him there. Her own wetness resumed and allowed him to glide between her womanly lips effortlessly. Rey's eyes closed as she enjoyed the sensation of Ben's manhood creating delicious friction between her legs, but he kept his eyes open and fixed on Rey, all the more aroused with watching her body respond to him.
All the scavenger girl wanted at this point was to tilt her hips to allow him inside her slit, for as amazing as his erection felt gliding beneath her, the desire was still building to have him inside. It was in the realization of her lust that guilt also crept in. She was supposed to be giving him pleasure and had instead was only thinking about how wonderful she felt.
"I'm sorry, Ben. This isn't fair, I'm supposed to be pleasuring you."
"Oh, believe me, Rey," he panted, "you are. The fact that you're enjoying it too just makes me that much happier." Holding her body as tightly as he could against his own, the pace quickened, causing Rey's body to also rock. Worried about tweaking her back, but far too close to stop, he requested the help of his beautiful Jedi to touch him as she had done before, with those small intoxicating circles on the tip of his manhood. Quicker, just a little harder, the rush of the sensation practically blinding him.
When the moment was right, Ben quickly pushed himself into that tight space between her legs, still remaining outside her slit. Rey felt the warmth of his release between her thighs, listening to the steady exhale of his breath. He had imagined at least a thousand times all the ways she might pleasure him with her hands, her mouth, or that wonderful space between her legs. But, his fantasies could not hold a candle to the elation he felt once he actually knew the sensuality of her touch and feel of himself against her skin. Kissing her forehead and tucking her beautiful brown hair behind her ears, he professed that no man in the galaxy could ever feel as loved, or in love, as him.