To Burst and Bleed with Intention

Chapter 10

Harry kept to his word and got to the hospital the following day 20 minutes after Hermione and Benji had awakened. The baby was in a relaxed state when his father arrived and Hermione explained that her (their) sleep schedule had been a tangled mess with intervals of slumber instead of consecutive slumber. She added that she knew this would be the new normal for many months and was not looking forward to it. Harry took Benji from her with a quick smile and prepared to settle in for the day, asking when her parents were arriving. The witch revealed they were not coming, a fact that pleased him but he did not vocalize, and shared that they had to work today in order to rearrange things at their practice so they could have the succeeding week off. Simon and Darla had planned to take a seven day leave to be at home with their daughter but since Benjamin was born a week early, they now had to execute this plan a week early, too.

"They'll be here tomorrow when we're released to go home," she noted.

Hermione also informed Harry of the visitors she was meant to receive that day: Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna, as the latter two had not visited the previous day. She was tentative in delivering the news but became stern when his vexation showed.

"I told you for a reason, so you would know and could decide if you wanted to be here or not," she mentioned, "I had a baby, for goodness' sake, and they're my friends. Are they simply not supposed to see me?"

"I didn't say that," he quickly retorted, gently handling his son.

"Well… all right, then. Ron will be here at ten o'clock."

Benji had been asleep for 30 minutes when the red head arrived. Hermione welcomed him warmly whereas Harry gave him a stiff nod then hid his face behind the Prophet. Ron was somewhat surprised to see the dark haired wizard and the look he gave Hermione conveyed such; she, in turn, nodded and gave him a sanguine smile. Ron reported that his mother was completely taken with the newborn and rapidly finishing a blanket for him, a blanket she thought she'd had the next seven days to complete. He was careful in speaking of his family because he was overly aware of Harry's presence but, after half an hour of silence from the other man, he stopped monitoring himself.

Ginny and Luna arrived at a quarter past 11AM and this is when the first, true tense exchange happened. Only three people at a time were allowed in the room with mother and baby so Ron temporarily gave up his spot for his sister and friend, but he witnessed the shaky interaction before he exited the room. Harry stilled when the blonde and red head walked inside and all three stared at one another for a long period. Ginny became noticeably rigid while a sad expression overtook Luna's countenance, and green eyes darted between the two women as he recalled his last interactions with them that seemed like decades ago. Telling Luna she needed to get it through her clouded head that he did not want to see her or anyone else and did not want to hear her nonsense ideas about what was wrong with him. Telling Ginny to leave him alone and that what they had had not been real, had been frivolous, yet he regretted that he had not at least gotten a shag out of her before it ended. Dread filled him at the sight of them while tears of fury filled Ginny's eyes, and he did his best to fade into the shadows of the room.

In the end, Harry could only tolerate being in the room with the witches for less than 15 minutes. He muttered to Hermione that he would be back later then he marched out of the room with his hands in his pockets without a backward glance.

"How has it been with Harry?" Luna asked in a melancholic tone, something that was quite unusual for her. Her roommate scoffed and shook her head.

"Actually, it's been mostly good… when we're alone, that is. He refuses to speak to my dad but he will talk to Mum a bit, and he can be in the same room as Ron now without much issue. But anyone beyond that is too much for him at this point."

"I can imagine."

"It's too much for us, too," Ginny remarked, her arms crossed, "It's been two years but it seems impossible that he's changed at all. I know you say he has, in some sense, but all I saw was the prick who said awful things to me and all his friends when he ran us off." She swiped at a couple tears that fell and Luna put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"He's still carrying so much pain. It's going to take time, for him and all of us," the blonde predicted, "But now we're connected through Benjamin."

"Yes," Hermione said as she wiped tears off her own cheeks, "And he really does seem to care about Benji, which is all I want."

"I'm sure it's not all you want, but it's the most important part."

The brunette smiled at Luna's wisdom and insight. Accordingly, Benji awoke not a minute later wailing for his mother's milk, much to the delight of the younger women, especially Luna.

When Harry returned a little after 1PM, Hermione had eaten lunch, Ginny was gone, Ron was back in the room, and the baby was asleep once more. He still felt odd with Luna there as he reclaimed his spot but it was not as stifling as it had been with her and Ginny, likely made easier due to her more placid nature. Hermione asked Harry where he had gone and, in a tight voice, he responded that he ran an errand and got lunch before he descended into silence once more. Ron appeared suspicious at the errand revelation but knew better than to comment on it.

When Luna decided it was her time to leave some 30 minutes after Harry's return, she surprised them all by bidding the dark haired wizard adieu along with everyone else.

"Goodbye, Harry. It was quite nice to see you again; I suspect it will happen more in the future. You and Hermione have a wonderful baby."

Stunned, he had no response and merely stared at the blonde while she promised to visit Hermione during the new week and then left the hospital. Neville was the next visitor to come around 2PM and Harry found that his nerves were being pushed further with each old friend that showed up, as he had predicted. He wanted to leave the room again, badly, but forced himself to stay put and stay apart as he had been doing, and he was grateful when Neville did not acknowledge him beyond looking at him gravely for a handful of seconds. It was upsetting and awkward enough being in the same room with people (old loved ones) from his past, one after another, so the last thing Harry needed was to have to interact with them.

As it were, Hermione began to feel distinctly tired an hour after Neville arrived. She tried to be engaged but her drowsiness was evident, so Neville announced he would leave and waved off her apologies. He and Ron left the hospital without complaint and she fell into a near immediate nap while Harry, happy that everyone had (finally) gone, took care of Benji as she slumbered. The infant himself fell asleep an hour after his mother and he did so nestled against his father's chest, whom, incidentally, also dozed off in his chair with a hand securely on Benji's back. Healer Covington walked in on the sight of the little, sleeping family and smiled fondly at the trio before making her retreat. She would return to check on Hermione in an hour or two and delay her meal delivery until she was awake….

There was a final, unexpected visitor in Lavender that day who was escorted by Ron. She came after Hermione had eaten and was on the tail end of feeding Benji, and she came with a gift and some hesitancy, as though she were unsure if her presence was wanted. Conversely, Ron had assured her it would be fine and her doubt started to melt when she saw that Hermione appeared to be genuinely glad to see her.

"It's been so long!" the brunette mentioned, smiling at the other woman as they exchanged hugs.

"It has. I mean, you're a mother now!," Lavender pointed out. She then faced the bespectacled wizard and curbed most of her budding cheerfulness, "Hello Harry."

"Hi, Lavender," he replied in a measured voice after a pause, having momentarily stopped changing Benji into a fresh onesie. Harry had no animosity or annoyance toward his former classmate and he had not seen her since the trials at the Ministry following the Battle of Hogwarts. The woman had been attacked by Greyback, a trauma that he knew would probably linger for decades, and he saw no reason to make her more uncomfortable than she already was in her daily life.

"So, that's Benjamin?" she asked rhetorically, smiling shyly at Harry then the infant. He swiftly nodded and finished dressing Benji in order to pass him back to Hermione so she could show him off.

Visiting hours ended at 7PM so Lavender only stayed for 45 minutes but it was the perfect amount of time. The enthusiasm she had been known for during school was present yet somewhat muted, accompanied by a layer of nervousness. Strangely, Harry was the most relaxed he had been all day in regard to visitors while she was there. He persisted in saying little or nothing at all but he felt comfortable enough to walk around and be a part of the environment instead of hiding in it. He did not feel like he had to fade into the background nor was there a raging desire to, both of which had been the case with the others. Benji was an amenable little host during her stay and showed no opposition when she held him for a bit, perhaps at ease because he was both fed and rested.

Ron kissed Hermione's forehead (which caused Harry to ball his fists) before he and Lavender grasped hands and took their leave, requesting that his best friend contact him when she wanted him to make his first visit upon her return home. Lavender waved merrily and was heard commenting on how cute Benji was as she walked out with her boyfriend.

"There were so many visitors today, weren't there, sweetheart? And they all came for you," sighed Hermione, when it was at last the three of them. She nuzzled her child.

"It was tiring." Harry mumbled. He used both hands to rake through his hair.

"It was, actually. For all of us," she chuckled, "But I was happy to see everyone." He did not respond. Instead, he studied her and realized that he had been at the hospital for nearly 12 hours. When would she expect, or want, him to leave?

"Should I stay? Overnight?" he asked slowly.

The Muggleborn looked at him. She thought of the prior night and waking every couple hours to feed and care for Benji amidst her own post-birth exhaustion. Her parents had stayed as late as they dared yesterday but she had been on her own (Healers aside) past 10PM. While it may not have seemed like she and Harry were in a good enough place to spend the night together in any capacity, this was about their newborn, not them. He was offering and it would help him bond with Benji, and she preferred to have someone with them tonight if she could.

"Yes. It would be helpful," Hermione notified, "Thank you." He nodded and she revealed that she would ask Covington to bring an extra bed into the room.

Benji had another slumber session during the 8 o'clock hour and was awake two hours later, looking for food and a diaper change. When he nodded off once more 15 minutes past midnight, his parents took the chance to sleep as well. It was past 3:30AM when Harry was roused from sleep by the cries of the baby. It took him a few moments to shake off the disorientation and drowsiness, then he sat on the bed's edge and listened to determine if Hermione was up as well. When he only heard Benji's continued whines, he lurched over to the bassinet and saw that his son was wiggling in his blanket and had his face scrunched in marked displeasure. He was less than two days old but so far he'd only cried and made a fuss when he needed something - not simply because he could or because he was testing his vocals - so Harry surmised something needed to be taken care of.

"What's got you upset then, hmm? What do you need?" the young man inquired with a yawn. He watched Benji squirm for a handful of seconds more before he picked him up.

Harry went through the checklist to stop the squawking. He cleaned the infant's bottom and put him in a new diaper but the cries persisted. He reswaddled him and made sure the beanie on his head was secure for warmth but the cries persisted. He walked around the room while cradling Benji yet, while the cries lessened, they persisted. Peering down at the baby, he knew the only other likely reason for the unhappiness was hunger. Harry had left this for last because he wanted Hermione to sleep as long as possible but nature was calling and his son did not want to be denied.

The witch was in a quasi fetal position with her right arm thrown out in front of her and her left arm underneath the pillow. Her hair was absolutely everywhere. Harry felt badly that he had to interrupt her rest as he walked up to her bed. Even unconscious, she looked like she needed it, and she must have if she slept through the crying. (Giving birth was quite the undertaking).

He shushed Benji then put a hand on Hermione's exposed arm.

"Hermione. Wake up," he stated. His voice was adamant but he did not want to be too loud, "Benji's hungry, Hermione. Wake up."

Harry sat down and put a bit of force into rubbing her arm. When her eyes blinked open, he let her go and waited while she got her bearings.

"I think Benji's hungry," he told her when her bleary gaze landed on the two males, "I tried everything else." She sat up rapidly and threw her hair out of her face.

"I didn't hear him?" Hermione croaked, her brow furrowing. Harry shrugged and claimed:

"You're knackered."

Her frown deepened. The dark haired wizard did not hand the wailing newborn over until she reached her arms out for him, and he remained on the bed while she muttered pacifying things to Benji and positioned him against her bosom. She untied her gown at the back and lowered it on one side until her breast was exposed, then she offered the gland to her son. He latched in quick succession with her assistance and his cries halted at last.

"All better, love," she mumbled.

Harry did not move from his spot all the while. He did not stand up and move away from her bed in favor of his own, no. He watched his child suck from Hermione in silence with an ardent expression on his face. She glanced at him from under her eyelashes, taking notice now that Benji was seen to, and she resisted the urge to jerk in surprise at what she saw. Harry was shirtless. (He had not been when they bid each other good night so he must have gotten hot and removed the garment at some point).

Hermione wanted to think she did not understand why this was slightly shocking but that would be a lie, and when she recognized that she was staring, she felt heat infuse her cheeks so she looked away. Having him in this state of undress seemed intimate, and not strictly from a sexual standpoint. Additionally, she had not experienced intimacy with Harry since Benji's conception. In fact, the entire scene seemed intimate! That it was so quiet, that they were both showing skin, that she was engaging in such a primal, beautiful aspect of motherhood, that he sat so near to her and the baby - their baby. It seemed a profound moment. An important one.

Neither adult spoke until Benji had his fill. Harry volunteered to burp him (citing that Hermione had done it last) and care for him while Benji stayed awake for the next couple hours. He encouraged the brunette to return to sleep and asserted that she needed it, and Hermione only gave weak arguments for five minutes before she conceded and, gratefully, slipped back into unconsciousness.

The first thing the pair talked about later that morning when both were awake was to revisit the topic of what would happen once Hermione and Benji went home. (They were going to be released from St. Mungo's at 9:30AM once Darla and Simon got there). That is, where precisely would home be for their son and what would Harry's time spent with him look like? The young parents had discussed this before but Harry wanted to know if things had changed since last week, had changed in lieu of the birth.

"I take it your discomfort with Benji being at Grimmauld hasn't disappeared," he posited in a clipped tone. Hermione chewed her bottom lip in concern, debating on how to reply in order to avoid stepping on a landmine.

"It's the house itself that I struggle with," she shared, "It's dark and dreary… it doesn't seem well suited for a newborn." There were also bad memories attached to it but she was not going to verbalize this.

Harry clenched his teeth to keep from spewing an automatic rebuttal. He had not remodeled much or given the dwelling a much needed face lift since moving there after the war, no. The house (had) reflected his state of mind, as it were, and it was hard to argue that it was not the best atmosphere for an infant. But he resided there and to think that he could not see his child in his domain was insulting.

"So he'll never be allowed over? It's where I live, Hermione," he said.

"I did not say he'd never go over. And I know it's where you live. But Benji is brand new and I'd just rather… I'd just rather Grimmauld feel more a bit more homey before that happens. What's more, the Healers say he should hardly go anywhere during the first month while his immunity builds." Hermione explained.

"Well then I hope your parents will be overjoyed to have me over so often to see him!" This came out in a half sneer and she knew Harry was poking to see if he could pick a fight because he was upset. He would not get it, however.

"I'll talk to them. I said I would. I said I wanted all of you to try to be better with each other, so I won't let them target you if you're just trying to be a good father."

Harry looked at her, robbed of words. She'd responded so logically, so calmly - rather the opposite of what he'd done. She had taken his ammunition.

"How often would you like to come over and be with him?" Hermione posed in the same hushed tone.

"Every other day. Every two days. Something like that," he eventually mumbled, peering at the floor with folded arms. The dark haired wizard felt a tad foolish now for his mockful statement but the fact remained that he was not satisfied with the notion of Grimmauld being off limits to Benji.

"All right. And when the month is over, and it's safe for him to travel, we can reassess taking him to Grimmauld."

Feeling more surprise, Harry brought his gaze to hers and gave a conciliatory nod before uncrossing his arms.

When Simon and Darla came to collect their daughter and grandson, Harry did not linger or accompany them to the house. Instead, he relayed that he would be over the day after next, said goodbye to Benji, and paused when it came to his farewell to Hermione. He did not want to give her a basic, verbal goodbye but her parents were present and it impeded anything he may have done if they were alone (like touching her face as he had the last time but taking it a step further and possibly kissing some part of her face). He did not want to be scrutinized. Consequently, what he settled for was turning his back to the Grangers to block his action from their view and brushing a kiss against the knuckles of their daughter's right hand. Hermione had little time to react before Harry was leaving the room, although Simon watched him go with a suspicious eye. Frankly, she was taken aback by Harry's physical gestures, yesterday's and today's. She was uncertain what the motivation behind them was. Perhaps knowing she had birthed his child, witnessing said birth, and having said child with them was making him sentimental, she did not know. What she did know was that they stole her breath; she found the gestures to be alarming and stimulating. They echoed the matter of intimacy between them, a matter that was quite confusing.

"Ready then, Bunny?" Mr. Granger asked a few minutes after Harry's departure. Covington had already come in to wrap things up and schedule a post-birth appointment six weeks in the future.

"Yes." Hermione confirmed, zipping the bag she had brought. Darla was strolling around the room and holding Benji, smiling at and talking to him.

"Your mum and I are sorry we couldn't be here for you yesterday. We both fretted over you being alone."

"It's all right, Dad. I know you had to square things away at the practice. And I wasn't alone; my friends came in shifts and Harry was with us all day."

Simon frowned at the mention of the other man. When Hermione had revealed to her parents that she was continuing with the pregnancy, he asserted that she would have to accept Harry's place as Benji's father and enact communication with him once more, but it appeared that Simon was the one having trouble coming to terms with that.

The Grangers had hired a cleaning crew to come and thoroughly clean the house while they were at work the previous day and the young witch was happy to be back with her baby to introduce him to his new home. Crookshanks was not inside when they returned and, amused, she contemplated how the meeting between cat and infant would go when he was done with his outdoor exploits. Later in the day, Hermione received a big shock when she had the opportunity to look at the Prophet while eating lunch. (Her father had Benji and she was positive that she was going to have to frequently wrestle her son away from his enraptured grandparents). The first article on the front page filled the entire space and it was about her, Harry, and Benji.

The picture that was featured was of Harry, one of the ones that had been taken during his resurrection from the past months. He looked his typical, surly self and he appeared to be hurrying in the photo, but what was shocking was that there was a statement from him in the article: an announcement of Benji's birth! The article was built around the announcement, in fact, and the paper reported that Harry had gone to them with the news. The statement was concise and mentioned nothing beyond the baby's first and middle names and birthday, yet it requested steadfast privacy for his safety and respect for them as novel parents until they were ready to give the next update. It ended with the wish that the DMLE would not have to be involved to help secure their privacy, and the sugarcoated threat made Hermione smirk.

The majority of the article was rife with theories about her and Harry's relationship and their coinciding disappearances, but the speculations were written romantically instead of salaciously. The article painted a picture of damaged war heroes carrying out a secret love affair for comfort that resulted in the conception of a child who would bring hope and healing to his parents and wizarding Britain at large. It was ludicrous and nothing close to the truth but Hermione did not care. What she cared about (and what shocked her) was that Harry had taken the initiative to enact their plan and so soon after the birth. It showed that he was serious about protecting Benji. It indicated that he was serious about fatherhood. His proaction made the brunette feel emotional as well, in a good way, yet she decided to wait to speak to him about it until he came to visit Benji in two days.

Incidentally, Hermione heard from Harry indirectly again the next day. During the morning, she took a picture of the baby to send to Healer Quinn and had an hour long conversation on the phone with Debbie while Simon watched his grandson when she was on the call. During the late afternoon, Kreacher popped into the extra bedroom-turned-nursery and made an unexpected visit while Benji was taking one of his numerous naps. Feeling somewhat perturbed at being startled, and glancing at the infant to ensure he was undisturbed, Hermione inquired as nicely as she could about the elf's presence.

"Master told Kreacher to come see Miss and give her moneys," he reported. When she appeared confused, he elaborated, "For the half blood babe's care." Kreacher then displayed a fat wad of pound notes and ignored the witch's marked surprise, waiting until she trepidly took it from his hand.

"Thank you, Kreacher," she said.

"Master will come see the babe tomorrow."

"Yes. Thank you again."

He shifted to his left to peer quizzically at where Benji slept for a moment or two before he bowed in deferment and disappeared. Hermione exhaled and gazed at the money with a frown before setting it down on an end table. Like the Prophet announcement, she had thoughts and feelings about this action of Harry's and would bring it up along with the newspaper article tomorrow. She knew he meant well but everything about what just occurred bothered her. Having someone else deliver a substantial amount of money for his child's care seemed so distant, seemed like his involvement in choosing what Benji needed would be minimal. Hermione did not want that, and she had thought he did not either.

When Harry arrived at the Grangers' home the following morning, he was scrutinized by two parties. Crookshanks was on the scene lightning fast, before the wizard could even step ten paces inside. He was in his guard cat pose as he sniffed and investigated the human and, although he did not look particularly happy, he deemed Harry good enough to see the baby. Accordingly, the feline had taken to Benji quickly - for a cat. The first "meeting" consisted of Crookshanks staring at the newborn from across the room for 45 minutes before moving three feet away before then sniffing his things and then sniffing around Benji himself two hours later, finally determining his mistress' offspring was now his to protect.

Harry only got to the sitting room before he encountered his second appraiser in the form of Simon. The older man remained silent as he stared at the younger, wearing that ominous, stormy look he had whenever Harry was in his presence, and the wizard did his very best to exhibit a neutral expression. He did not want to deal with Mr. Granger's disdain but he also did not want the time with his son to start off so negatively.

Simon stopped his quiet intimidation of Harry when Hermione appeared and he reminded his daughter to call on him or her mother if she or the baby needed anything, a message to Harry that they were not going anywhere during his visit and would immediately be there if anything sour happened. Hermione led Harry upstairs after giving her father a mildly exasperated (but thankful) look and took him to Benji, who was asleep in the bassinet in her room. After he admired the newborn for a bit, she showed him what the extra bedroom looked like since its conversion with Benji in mind; when they returned to her room, Harry instantly perched by the bassinet while the brunette sank down on her bed. (Neither wanted to think too heavily about the fact that the last time they had been together in this space had led to their child's existence and a crippling fracture for them).

"I saw the statement you gave to the newspaper about Benji," she shared in a careful tone. He peered up at her.

"Yes," Harry uttered, "I know I didn't wait for you. But we'd talked about what we'd say to the press and I wanted to take care of it right away so they'd know to leave us be. I wanted that before you left the hospital."

"I'm glad you did, Harry. It's all right that you did it without me. I'm glad you felt strongly about it."

"I went while Luna and Gi… while they visited you. Let's hope it's enough."

"Fleur said Bill was willing to strengthen the wards on the house, too, as a precaution." Hermione remarked. He felt awkward at the mention of the married couple but the offer appealed to him. Harry wanted the Granager home to be as secure as Grimmauld for Benjamin's (and his mother's) sake.

"That might be a good idea," he attested. She nodded.

"I got the money from Kreacher yesterday, as well."

"Good."

She took a beat before answering.

"I don't want to spend it unless we're together." Hermione declared.

"What?" the wizard questioned, making a face.

"I don't want to use it unless we're choosing and buying things for Benji together. You should be involved in those decisions. And I… I don't want to feel like you'll just throw money at us to solve problems." Or use it to cover up his uncomfortable feelings.

Harry kept quiet and continued to watch the sleeping baby.

"We could ask my parents to watch him while we go out and shop for what he needs. Or it might be easier to order things through a catalog and have them delivered. He's so young and I'd rather not leave him anytime soon," the witch explained, looking at him.

It took some for him to answer and Hermione fought the urge to play with her fingers while Harry said nothing.

"A catalog sounds good," he mumbled. A relieved smile broke out on her face and she nodded once more.

"I'll save the money in the meantime. He doesn't need anything right now so we'll use it in the future," she noted, "Thank you."

"I have more money than I can spend. You don't have to thank me for using it on my kid."

It was harder for Harry to stay for hours on end at the Grangers' than it had been at the hospital, and he knew it was because of Darla's and Simon's presence. He wanted to be with Benji and Hermione, however, so he endured the discomfort, something that was made easier since the older couple generally left them to their own devices.

In the afternoon, Hermione and Harry gave the baby his first bath since leaving St. Mungo's and did so in the kitchen sink while standing side by side. They were particularly nervous because he was delicate and small but they managed well, and Benji made sure they knew he disapproved of the bath by squirming and squalling throughout the entire ordeal. He quieted only after being clothed and placed snugly in a light blanket in his father's arms, with his mother watching him fondly from her spot next to them on the couch. Harry reflected that the bath had been intimidating yet enjoyable in that he and Hermione had done it together. They had stumbled together, worked together, and even laughed together at certain points as they groomed Benji. He had forgotten about the strain between them during the bath, forgotten how he had wrecked things and forgotten that things were not all right.

The bath had given Harry a glimpse of the past and the future - a reminder of how (good) it used to feel working congenially with Hermione and a teaserof what it could be like raising Benji with her. Things were not all right, no, but the bath made him feel like they ultimately might be.

Hermione smiled as she folded a blanket that had bumblebees on them.

So many of Benji's possessions had bees on them: clothes, accessories, toys… it was the (adorable) consequence of being called Bea for half of the pregnancy and having his first name start with the phoneme.

The brunette moved on to fold two socks together when an unhappy squawk left her son's mouth. She ignored it and kept folding things until consecutive cries erupted, then she dropped what was in her hand and bustled over to the crib to see what the problem was. Benji was flailing his limbs and fussing, and his gray eyes were no longer captivated by the overhead mobile that had held his interest for the past quarter of an hour. Said eyes had darkened over the past couple days but Hermione knew that, because he was so young, their true color would not emerge until months from now. Her intuition, however, was telling her that he would have brown eyes like most of her family.

"What is it, little prince?" she asked. She made a soothing noise and pet his fine, black hair (an indisputable trait from his father) with a smile on her face. She had adopted the term of endearment Healer Covington gave Benji on the day of his birth, as had Mrs. Granger.

"You shouldn't be hungry… you ate fairly recently. Do you want attention?" Hermione posed. He squawked loudly again as his face bunched further in agitation, but in the next couple seconds he froze momentarily before an unmistakable toot came from the bottom half of his body.

"Oh!," she mentioned as she drew her head back, "You're gassy! I see."

The baby looked more satisfied now and even emitted a few gurgles as he resettled. His mother grinned and stroked his cheek, resisting the urge to pick him up since he was finding his own contentment again.

Benji was almost three weeks old and Hermione was terribly in love with her son. (Most) Everything he did enchanted her. She had worried that she would feel unprepared and insufficient when it came to being a mother at this age, especially one in these circumstances, but that was not the case. Yes, she fumbled and felt in over her head at times, like all new mothers, but her love for Benji and what it propelled her to do for him was natural and required little thought. Hermione had never felt this amount of love for anyone or anything in her life, which was a testament in itself considering her vast capacity for love. She had not known she would cherish Benji so rapidly, either; it was innate.

Conversely, what she did not love was her body's recovery from the pregnancy and birth. She had a(nother) month or two ahead of her and she was apprehensive. Some of the symptoms were very familiar to her, such as abdominal pain, swelling, soreness and mood swings due to fluctuating hormone levels, but new symptoms included hair loss, vaginal bleeding and potential bowel issues, and they seemed worse. Additionally, there were baby items all over the house now. Hermione's room had a bassinet and a rocking chair, the bedroom-nursery had a crib, combination changing table & dresser and a toy basket, the living room had a swing and nursery rug, and an entire counter in the kitchen was devoted to Benji. And this was not to mention things that were stored away until he was old enough to use them in a few weeks' or months' time (e.g., his stroller, playpen).

Benji had taken near complete control of her life but the Muggleborn did not mind. He was precious and worth it. Hermione was so attached to him that she'd wanted to disregard her birthday in order to stay close to him, and she would have had not her friends and mother encouraged her to take a few hours for herself. Her 21st birthday had been one week prior and it had taken intense persuasion from her loved ones to celebrate in some way. She had not wanted to be far from Benji distance wise nor did she want to be away for half the day or longer, so she'd agreed to a four hour outing with her four closest Hogwarts chums and Fleur (all of whom had visited the newborn again since the hospital). Darla happily babysat while her daughter was out but she knew that, while Hermione may have been having a wonderful time, the younger woman was probably thinking about her baby all the while. Her hunch was confirmed when Hermione returned home and instantaneously scooped up Benji, babbling how much she had missed his little face and was relieved to be home. Her birthday ended that night with a home cooked dinner from (and with) her parents, and she tried to ignore the upset she felt as the day came to a close that she had not heard a peep from Harry.

He had no obligation to contact her, of course, and this was New Harry she was contending with, but... she had acknowledged his birthday and even given him a meaningful gift of sorts, and they'd been parenting Benji surprisingly well since his birth. She supposed it would have merely been nice to be recognized on her birthday by her child's father. (Which was why, when Harry showed up the following day to her house for his time with Benji and had a birthday present for her, her smile was sincere and sweet).

Currently, Hermione was tidying her son's things while she waited for Harry to arrive for one of his weekly visits, the second of the week. He would be pleased that Benji was awake and ready to interact. What she did not know was that he was already downstairs and had been for ten minutes, having a conversation with her father at Simon's insistence. Mr. Granger had found Harry staring at old family pictures on the wall before he made his way upstairs, one foot on the bottom step. When the older man saw that he was analyzing a picture of four year old Hermione, a four year old who was more hair than body and showing her large but cute front teeth via a wide smile, he frowned and resigned himself to something he'd been contemplating since Benjamin's birth.

A tap on the shoulder and a head nod in the direction of the living room later found Simon and Harry facing one another. The wizard had seen less of Simon and Darla the past two weeks since they returned to work at their practice but, combined, they still worked a reduced amount of hours. If one parent was working full time for a day, the other would work a few hours less in order to be present at home for their daughter and grandson. (They planned to do this for another two weeks before resuming their typical work schedules). Today, Simon was the one working reduced hours and would go to the practice in a couple hours' time to join his wife, but now he had the chance, and a glimmer of patience, to speak frankly to the man who had caused Hermione so much pain.

"I will never forget what you put Hermione through. I will never forget that she had to leave us because of you," he commenced, arms folded across his chest, "It's likely I will never forgive it, either."

Harry's mouth contorted but he fought to keep it from forming a scowl as he gazed at Mr. Granger. He had known the conversation would not be friendly when he followed the older man into the room but he was truthfully not prepared for verbal punches this suddenly.

"You will never know how it felt when Darla and I found Hermione screaming in her bedroom, half dressed and inconsolable, because of you. You will never know how difficult it was to watch my terrified daughter leave the country and you will never know how infuriated I was when I discovered you'd gotten her pregnant," Simon added, "I wanted to physically break you every one of those times. When I see you in our home now throughout the week, sometimes that urge resurfaces."

Harry clenched his teeth and felt his heart rate start to pick up. He had no idea what Mr. Granger's angle was but he felt he should remain quiet, despite how arduous it was.

"You will never know how I've felt since you came back into Hermione's life and I, frankly, don't want to explain it to you beyond what I've said. But - you are my grandson's father. That cannot be changed. And, as a father, you will come to understand why I feel the way I do about you. You will understand the irrational protectiveness that comes with fatherhood. You will feel it for Benjamin." Simon informed.

"I already do." Harry asserted, thinking of his stern entreaty to the Prophet. Thinking of the utter relief that flooded him when he and Hermione had made a covert trip to the Ministry four days ago to assign Benji's surname. Knowing that his son was now officially a Potter and would be afforded certain protections due to the clout of their family name.

"Good. Because you didn't bother to protect his mother. You did the opposite, in fact."

Harry could feel his magic start to prickle in warning so he focused on keeping his breathing even. He did not want to hear this, even if it was the truth.

"Is there something specific you wanted to say, Mr. Granger? Besides reinforcing that you hate me?" he asked, sounding short.

"I want to make sure you know to never harm my child again, or even think of harming yours."

"I won't!" It came out as a growl.

The thought of Hermione and Benji suffering was horrendous, especially at his hands. He'd rather be buried next to Dumbledore than witness that. Harry knew he was guilty of it with Hermione and it was partly why he got so defensive whenever someone brought it up. There was still much shame attached to it that he needed to wade through.

"I'll say it again: good." Simon remarked. He then walked away without further comment.

Harry took a handful of moments to bring himself down a bit before he marched up the stairs to seek out the brunette witch and their baby. Half of his aggravation vanished when he saw that Benji was awake and his mother was in a good mood, and the other half retreated to a different part of his mind to be brooded over later. Seeing them both helped to calm his nerves.

A number of hours passed, during which Simon left for work and Benji slipped into his second sleep cycle, and Hermione took the opportunity to address something with Harry she'd thought about since they'd both signed their names on Benji's birth certificate days earlier recognizing him as Potter. The pair had not discussed anything about their pre-Benji relationship since he came into the world; they had not had time. It had not been a priority. But they appeared to be getting accustomed to having a tiny person to care for and look after, and she was ready to continue exploring the problems they had before becoming parents.

"I have a question," she stated, sounding pensive.

"Of course you do." Harry responded, wanting to smirk goodnaturedly. He languidly flipped a page of the shopping catalog they were perusing. (There was no intent to purchase anything for Benji but if they saw something then they would mark it).

"I want to know why... why you started sleeping with me. In the months after you let me back in. I know it was ages ago but I never… we never talked about it. I don't know what pushed you to do it." There was a stiff pause.

"Hermione, please," He groaned, placing his face in his hands, "I had a difficult conversation with your dad when I first got here. I don't want to have another!"

Hermione looked at him in surprise. He had not mentioned that tidbit of information and he'd been here for quite some time!

"What about?" she pondered.

"He essentially said he can't stand the thought of me and told me I'd better not dream of hurting you or Benji as long as I live," the wizard revealed. The Muggleborn's surprise did not abate. She was stunned that her father had spoken to Harry. She had half expected both males to not say a word to each other until Benji's first birthday rolled around!

"I'm sorry he approached you like that. I can remind him of what he promised."

"No, don't bother," Harry exhaled and lifted his face, "It wasn't as bad as it sounds. I suppose that was a long time coming from him, anyway."

Hermione hummed thoughtfully. It was silent for a couple moments before she said:

"It was a difficult way to be greeted, yes. It has nothing to do with my question, however, and I'd like it if you'd answer."

He shut his eyes and stifled a sigh. Was she back to posing these hard hitting questions? Was he ready to be roped back into them? (Was he able to digest them better now?)

"I wanted to see if I could. I wanted to see if I could do it," he reported in a flat tone, "I had lingering thoughts from Slytherin's locket. Sometimes, during the hunt, it suggested I could have you that way. If I wanted."

The young woman looked nothing short of stricken as she gaped at Harry and processed what he had told her. It felt like her stomach dropped to her feet.

"So it… it was because of that h-horrid locket. You did it to prove it right?," she inquired in a shaky voice, "That's all?" Harry opened his eyes and peered at her, and quickly felt troubled at how wounded she looked.

"No! It wasn't, wasn't just because of that disgusting piece of Riddle. There was more to it!"

"Like what?"

"Like, like that I, I…. Damn it, Hermione!" he exclaimed. His hands shot into his hair at his unexpected burst of frustration.

"Like what, Harry?" Hermione repeated. She still sounded shaken. He had not meant for her to be dismayed! He growled at the turn of events; he had to right it as best he could.

"It wasn't only memories of the Horcrux. I'd… I'd missed you, okay? You were the only person I'd let come round after so long. I was spending time with you again, and, it felt good."

It was silent. She felt disturbed by his admission but the longer she sat with her thoughts, the more she accepted his words. During her very first visit with him, months after he had cut himself off, Harry had mentioned the Horcrux and implied it projected lewd ideas about her while he'd worn it. That had been roughly two years ago. (Had it already been two years)?! Hermione realized that for Harry, at the time and with his state of mind, the locket would have been his primary motivation for initiating sex with her, and likely the only motivation he was willing to admit. That Harry would never have said what he'd just said to her - that missing a connection with her was a reason for why he slept with her. But it had been two years, and he was not the same. He still presented as hard and jagged but his crudeness was waning and, most significantly, he was more open about his emotions, with himself and with her.

"Say something," he directed. There was irritation and pleading in his voice.

"So you'd missed time with me, in addition to the locket." Hermione summarized. Harry gave a sharp nod and then glanced at her, seeing that she was nodding slowly herself and pulling the catalog towards her.

She understood that Benji was the only thing that made up for the hell Harry had put her through during that time, but she could not deny that she felt assuaged knowing he had cared. Even then.

A/N: I tend to lose my desire to write for a period of time after I finish a story (for some reason). Since I completed one in August, I took an unintentional break so I skipped posting this chapter last month. Only one more chapter to go then this story will be complete as well.