HEY EVERYBODY!
It's so nice to be back after my month off, I've missed this fic! How are you all doing? Good Halloweens and Thanksgiving and post-election celebration? I hope so!
My month off was insane. Obviously NaNoWriMo just generally makes things crazy (I'm really pleased with what I did, but oof it brought up a lot of things!) even when you don't make the word count. I got to just over 33k, which I'm super pleased with given the circumstances. Right before the election was so tense and stressful, and I got caught up in some shit during a demonstration. Let's just say I can now check "running from the cops" off my bucket list. Then shortly after the election results were announced the entire city went crazy and it was absolutely wonderful, I was out with friends (socially distant and with masks) until like, four in the morning, and it was the first time New York felt like New York since March. Then there was Thanksgiving, which was really chill and lovely!
So yeah, it feels really nice to be back to posting this and to feel marginally more calm and stable, even if it probably won't last very long.
That being said, this chapter! It's super bittersweet, which of course I love, and has my favorite bad writing habit: the Radical Tone Shift! It's nice to finally be getting into the resolution of all the tech drama though and to start wrapping things up, because after this it's just two chapters left. That is INSANE, but I'm not going to try and pick apart my feelings right now, I've been doing that for the cast of X all week.
Enjoy, friends!
Disclaimer: I own nothing and I'm making no money off of this.
"Close your door. Write with no one over your shoulder. Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear form you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer."
- Barbara Kingsolver
The next day was hot and dry. The sun rose high in the sky and beat down on all of Clow, burning the backs of necks and tips of noses. It might have been a relief to escape into the air conditioned Igarashi, but somehow the sun felt like an unavoidable spotlight, highlighting all of the pressures of the approaching opening night and all the unsaid things carried by its actors.
"Town's emptying out. It's like it's being evacuated," Kamui said, a third of the way through the final act of their second run through that day, which had taken three times as long because Fuuma kept stopping to rework scenes. He looked exhausted as he slowly pushed the empty stroller up onto the stage and sat down in the one of the lawn chairs. Kusanagi watched him sadly while Arashi averted her gaze, her arms folded across her chest. "I keep hearing about some incident outside the theater yesterday," Kamui continued, looking at Kusanagi out of the corner of his eye and pushing the stroller back and forth. Kusanagi heaved a heavy sigh and shifted in his seat while Arashi rolled her eyes.
"Jepsen started shit with Transeau, words were exchanged, now they have to sort it out," Kusanagi replied, evasively, checking the time on his phone. "No idea what Jepsen thinks he's doing, but…"
"What about Transeau?" Arashi asked, still not looking at either of them. "What if he gets hurt?"
"They'll be fine," Kusanagi told her, wearily, before adding, under his breath, "it's so stupid anyway, does it matter?"
"They're like kids meeting after school to fight behind the bleachers, it's ridiculous," Kamui agreed, still pushing the stroller.
"This is such a waste of time!" Arashi snapped, springing to her feet, a look of disgust on her face. "I won't go into the house anymore, I fucking refuse! Let me know when Colonel Young gets here." And she stalked off through the audience. Kusanagi looked sadly after her and Kamui shuddered as though the words had stung him. He stared morosely into the stroller for a moment.
"Our house is being evacuated too," he said, with a brave attempt at sarcasm.
"What about your wife?" Kusanagi asked, stretching. Kamui sighed and continued to speak into the stroller as he pushed it back and forth.
"She's my wife," he began, defensively. "She's fundamentally a good person, but then something will flip a switch in her head and she'll be up on all this petty stupid bullshit." At last he faced Kusanagi. "Can I tell you something?" Kusanagi nodded and Kamui flushed, but continued. "I love Natalie. I do, but sometimes I have no fucking idea why." It wasn't angry, it wasn't sad, it was just a statement of fact, and it radiated out through the room in a hopeless shiver. In the audience, Fuuma's lip curled, while backstage Yuuto clenched his jaw almost painfully hard and held his face in his hands.
'Why isn't it you?' he thought.
"Well, since I'm leaving tomorrow, I can give you my honest advice," Kusanagi said, heaving himself to his feet and clapping Kamui on the shoulder. Kamui's eyes widened innocently as he looked up at him, but then, "Leave." Kamui opened his mouth, but before he could muster a reply, Keiichi entered upstage left, looked around, spotted Kamui and Kusanagi and hurried over.
"Doctor!" he called, loudly. "It's time, let's go!"
"You all disgust me," Kusanagi sighed, either affectionate or repulsed, depending on how you heard it.
"What?" Keiichi demanded, narrowing his eyes.
"Shut up, Jepsen," Kusanagi replied, without looking at him. "I'll be right back," he told Kamui, and they exited together, Kusanagi singing, "tarara boom de-ay…" under his breath. Kamui waited a moment longer, staring dispassionately over the audience, before getting to his feet and exiting as well. He pushed the stroller backstage as Karen and Kakyo entered, then collapsed into a chair with his face in his hands, feeling too sad and annoyed at Andrew to do anything else. Yuuto watched him from between his own fingers, his heart feeling like one giant bruise.
"Where are you going?" Karen asked from on stage, and Yuuto shuddered again, thinking of Satsuki.
"Downtown to see everyone off," Kakyo replied, with a brave attempt at confidence. Fuuma had made them run this scene so many times that hearing himself was wearing on his already frayed nerves.
"Don't bullshit me, you've been acting weird all day," Karen persisted, doing her best not to sound impatient. Then, after a moment, "What happened yesterday?"
"Just give me an hour, okay?" Kakyo replied, sounding close to desperate. He paused to collect himself, then managed a smile as he looked into Karen's eyes. "I fell in love with you the day I met you, five years ago now. You look more beautiful every day, it kills me. I swear I'll make you happy, even though I know you don't love me back." A sudden lump rose in his throat, and he had no idea if it was Transeau's feeling, his feeling, or just stress of the show and another twenty four hours of weirdness between himself and Hokuto.
"I can't force it," Karen told him, kindly, and the lump in his throat made his eyes burn. "I'll be a good wife to you, and I'll take care of you always, it's the least I can do! I've never been in love, I don't think I ever will be. It's just never going to happen for me." They stared at each other for a quiet moment, Kakyo breathing deeply, trying to stay focused. "Why are you in such a weird mood today?"
"I," Kakyo paused and cleared his throat, "I got no sleep last night, I," he broke off again, his voice still constricted, and shook his head. "Tell me something."
"Like what?"
"Tell me something!"
"What?!" Karen demanded, bewildered.
"Something!" Kakyo cried, now sounding slightly hysterical.
"What the fuck do you want me to say?!" A pause, during which Kakyo collected himself, energy draining out of him by the second.
"It's crazy," he said, doing his utmost to keep his voice steady against the lump still hard in his throat. "What suddenly matters to you, and even when you know it's trivial, it still feels important, and you can't stop." He swallowed and shook his head again. "Fuck, sorry, let me not." He put on a brave smile and Karen raised her eyebrows. "It's beautiful out today. The grass is green! The trees have leaves again!" He paused to check the time on his phone. "I've gotta go, I'll see you later." He kissed Karen on the cheek.
"I'll go with you!" she interjected, but,
"No!" he replied, almost fiercely. "No." He sighed and gave her a long, searching look. "Irene?"
"What?"
"I haven't had coffee yet today, will you make me some when I get back?" Without waiting for a reply, Kakyo hurried off stage through the audience. Karen stood there, gazing sadly and fearfully after him. A moment passed in painful silence, then she too exited.
"Yes," muttered Fuuma, and the act finished quickly after that.
"I wish I knew," said Subaru, and Satsuki killed the lights. In the sudden blackness, the dark disheveled shapes of the rest of the cast appeared on stage. Satsuki brought up the lights again, and for the first time that day Fuuma appreciated just how tired everyone looked. He sighed and got to his feet, hitching a smile onto his face. "You guys all right?"
"Yes," Keiichi replied as confidently as he could. There was a smattering of derisive laughter, and Fuuma couldn't help but join in.
"We can figure out curtain call tomorrow," he told them, his voice softening just a little.
"You know the show's in-" Nataku began, but Fuuma cut across him.
"I've got notes, but I think giving them to you now would be counterproductive. Go home and relax."
"Really?" Kusanagi asked, before he could stop himself, and everyone joined in laughing this time. Fuuma replied with a rude hand gesture, which everyone took as a dismissal. The moment they returned to their dressing rooms, Fuuma bid Nataku goodbye and sprinted from the theater before he could scold him about still not working out the curtain call. In the lobby, however, he stopped when he ran into Satsuki, also apparently trying to make a swift exit. She started and turned sharply as though she'd heard distant gunfire, but then relaxed (or at least looked suspicious rather than fearful) when she realized it was just Fuuma.
"Heading out?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.
"Obviously," she replied, coldly. Yuuto had tried to speak to her earlier and she didn't want to give him the chance to corner her. Not that she'd tell Fuuma that, obviously; even thinking about it herself made her feel sick.
"Where are you going, home?"
"I'm trying to," Satsuki snapped. The corner of Fuuma's mouth twitched. He'd always been able to imagine Satsuki as a young girl, concealing her sense of alienation and insecurity in a nuclear fallout shelter of hostility and contempt. He always felt she must be exhausted, having to work that hard to maintain it all the time.
"You want a ride?" he asked. "We can put your bike in the back." Satsuki hesitated, knowing better than to trust him, but at the sound of people emerging from the dressing rooms,
"Sure. Thanks."
"No problem." And they left the theater together.
After changing out of their costumes, Yuzuriha and Arashi left the dressing room together. They weren't speaking, but Yuzuriha was walking closer to Arashi than she ordinarily would have done. She felt better for having spent the previous evening in town with her and Kamui, but still rather vulnerable and frightened of being exposed further.
They passed an irritated Nataku at the props table backstage, then found Kusanagi, Keiichi, Kakyo and Sorata chatting at the bar in the lobby. All four of them looked up as they approached, and Sorata and Arashi smiled warmly at each other.
"Hey," Kusanagi said, smiling at Yuzuriha and making her jump.
"Hi!" she cried, far more loudly than she'd meant to. She blushed, but managed to keep his gaze.
"You did a great job today," Kusanagi told her, kindly, and she wondered if he was humoring her, then if she was being paranoid. "What are you two up to?" Yuzuriha looked to Arashi, whose eyes were still locked with Sorata's.
"Going home and passing out?" she offered.
"Do you want to come over instead?" Kusanagi asked, his tone still suspiciously kind. He gestured at Keiichi and Kakyo, "They're all coming over for dinner," he paused, his eyes lingering on Sorata, who was just as distracted as Arashi. "We're just waiting for Subaru and Kamui." Yuzuriha felt as though her heart had been riding a roller coaster the entire time Kusanagi was speaking, going up and down in terror and excitement, then disappointment and relief.
"Uh… Are you going too, Kakyo?" she asked, stalling.
"Um, I suppose so, I should text Hokuto, though…"
"Hokuto's fine," came Subaru's voice, suddenly, from across the lobby. Everyone turned to him, even Sorata and Arashi, and he sped up, pulling Kamui by the hand. Kakyo flushed, but Subaru gave him a reassuring smile. Kakyo was about to say he didn't want her to worry, but, "Seriously, both of you will be fine."
"What's going on?" Arashi muttered to Yuzuriha, under the cover of everyone's laughter and Subaru's continued reassurance.
"They're going to Kusanagi's," Yuzuriha replied, just as quietly. Arashi's eyes widened.
"Is that…?" She wasn't sure what exactly to ask. Yuzuriha blushed, but was touched, and in that split second decided it would be less painful to go to Kusanagi's rather than awkwardly sit in her dorm with Sorata and Arashi upstairs and Hokuto next door. She nodded and managed a smile.
"I'll be fine, you two have fun." Now Arashi blushed, her eyes darting furtively to Sorata, but,
"You're sure?"
"Positive."
"I'll see you later?"
"You will."
"Good luck." Yuzuriha swallowed. She'd talked about confessing her feelings yesterday, and though she was still undecided, there was something to be said for Kusanagi hearing it from her rather through the grapevine.
"You're coming with us too?" Kusanagi asked, smiling. Yuzuriha bit down on the inside of her lip, feeling like she was walking dangerously close to the edge of a cliff, but nodded. The group left the theater together, Sorata and Arashi side by side and Kamui and Subaru holding hands and the sun hot as ever. "It'll be a tight squeeze with all of you in the back of the truck," Kusanagi warned, as they headed towards the parking lot while Sorata and Arashi split off to go back to their dorm, clearly trying not to walk too quickly. It made Yuzuriha's pounding heart ache, even as she was happy for her friend.
"I'll sit on someone's lap, I don't care," Kamui offered, shrugging, which made everyone laugh. Kusanagi unlocked the truck and everyone piled in. Kamui, Subaru and Keiichi insisted that Yuzuriha take the front seat, so she climbed up, remembering the last time she'd been over to Kusanagi's and feeling inexpressibly anxious. As they drove, she kept her eyes on the road, or else in the rearview mirror to watch Kamui and Keiichi playfight in their shared middle seat, anywhere but at Kusanagi beside her.
Sorata and Arashi returned to their dorm, empty of everything but golden afternoon sunlight. They paused in the kitchen to set down their bags, then looked at each other. Arashi gently took hold of Sorata's upper arm. "What's up?" he asked, smiling and feeling the touch radiate out through his body. She hesitated a second, reassuring herself that Yuzuriha would be all right, then stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the lips. His heart swelled, and his smile widened.
"Let's go upstairs," she breathed.
"Yeah?"
"Mmhmm." Arashi was smiling too, almost mischievously, and his heart expanded further to fill up his entire chest, belly and throat. He nodded, and she took his hand and slowly led him up the stairs and into his room. Her heart skipped with every creaky step, stoking the heat already simmering inside her.
The moment the door closed behind them, she let go of Sorata's hand, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips. His body lit up at once, excitement flowing out from the kiss, into his hands as one snuck around her waist and the other entangled itself in her silky hair, into his erection as he held her close and his tongue as he pressed it into her mouth. Arashi let out a soft, throaty moan and kissed him even deeper, digging her fingers into his upper back. Her entire body burned and ached for him, and she wanted to melt against him, let him sweep her away on the tidal wave of desire rising between them.
She dragged her hands down his back and pressed them up under his shirt, moaning softly again at his smooth skin and taut muscles. Sorata took a sharp breath in through his nose and shivered as he arched into the touch, and Arashi felt her inner walls throb, both at his response and how hard he was in his jeans. Suddenly too impatient to think about what she was doing, she brought one hand around to grip his erection through the rough fabric. "Oh god," Sorata whispered against her lips.
"Is that, is that okay?" she asked, though she was positive it was.
"Yeah," Sorata assured her in a choked voice, and on an intoxicating rush of power and arousal, Arashi undid his pants and slipped her hand inside. "Oh god," Sorata whispered again, gripping her tightly and thrusting forward into her hand. Her touch was always electrifying, but when she just went for it like that, when her desire for him was so blatant…
Arashi shuddered at how good he felt in her hand and immediately began to stroke him up and down, slowly at first, but then faster as he moaned encouragingly into her mouth. She'd never felt so good pleasing someone else this way or taking initiative like this, but she loved it. She wanted to make him feel as good as she knew how, to leave him gasping and moaning and spent as he'd done for her. On another swell of bravery mixed with that deep, primal need that came from touching him so intimately, she found his wrist and brought his hand between her own legs. "Oh god!" Sorata cried, immediately beginning to tease her through her pants with shaking hands.
Arashi let go of his wrist and rocked her hips against his hand, looking for more friction, but still keeping a firm grip on his erection as she pleased him. Breathing shallowly, Sorata moved his lips to her neck, kissing and sucking tenderly. Arashi cried out and stroked him faster, doing her utmost to stay focused, though the sensations were almost overwhelming. Sorata smiled against her neck and took a deep breath in, smelling her skin and hair with a deep surge of desire. At last he undid her pants, slipped his hand inside and pressed his fingertips up against her, shuddering in a visceral spasm of arousal at how wet she was. Arashi moaned and clung onto him with her free hand as he began to explore, then,
"Ah, there!" she gasped as his fingertips found her clit.
"Good?" Sorata breathed in her ear, holding her steady, fresh heat rushing up from his belly into his chest, neck and face. Arashi just kissed him full on the lips in reply. She thrust her tongue into his mouth and melted against him, her grip on his erection slackening as her focus was entirely consumed by his hands, delicately but expertly making her head spin. She pulled out of their kiss to bury her face in his neck, biting down on his hot, flushed skin to stifle needy moan after needy moan. Sorata gasped and closed his eyes at another visceral, lustful shudder, then, when he'd collected himself as best he could, "I wanna make you come." He shivered at his own words, at the very prospect. Arashi cried out, momentarily paralyzed by his desire and his tone and his fingers still pleasing her. However, once she was able to break the grip her pleasure had over her voice,
"Keep going!" Regretfully, she took her hand off his erection, but Sorata barely noticed as she wrapped both arms around his neck and kissed him soundly on the lips. He carefully slid his fingers inside her, moaning as her glorious, velvety heat engulfed them. Arashi moaned too, pulsing around him, begging him to continue. He moved his fingers in and out a few times, just to give her a second, then pressed his thumb against her aching clit, withdrew his fingers and thrust them back inside, much faster and harder this time. Arashi's entire body seized up and she gripped his shoulders tighter as her knees threatened to give way. It was perfect, the pressure, the friction, everything, and she moaned openly, her face screwed up in pleasure.
"Good?" Sorata asked in a choked moan. Again, Arashi could barely answer, but she managed a desperate,
"Y-yes!" Sorata shivered and kept going, harder and faster and deeper, desperate for her pleasure. Arashi's thighs shook violently and she moaned fluently into his ear, and time slipped away in a whirl of gratification. They could have been there five minutes or five hours, she didn't know or care, as the pressure built in a crescendo inside her. "Oh god, I'm-!" Sorata gasped and Arashi's whole body shuddered. "Oh!" She came suddenly, her inner walls throbbing around his fingers as all the pleasure burst its bounds and rushed out through her body, making her sway where she stood. Sorata held her steady with his free hand, closing his eyes as he felt the rise and crash of her orgasm in his own body. He waited for her to settle in his arms before carefully taking his hand away.
"Good?" he asked her, quietly. In answer, Arashi groaned and kissed him on the lips, soft and delicious and reverent.
"Mm," she moaned, quietly, pulling away with a smile. She looked him in the face, and found that the release she'd revelled in was already fading away. Far from satisfying her, his hands only made her long for more. "Can we keep going?" she asked, her tone hesitant even as her voice throbbed with arousal.
Sorata's erection twitched excitedly as he nodded, bringing his fingers up to his mouth and sucking them clean with a low, desperate moan. Arashi flushed so deeply she felt almost feverish and immediately pulled away to undress. Sorata smiled and pulled off his shirt, feeling lightheaded with want as he saw Arashi's eyes travel hungrily over his chest. His breath caught in his throat as he drank in her soft curves, smooth skin and long, lustrous hair.
"You're beautiful," he said, quietly and completely sincerely. She was perfect, and she wanted him, and he felt like the luckiest person on Earth in that moment. Arashi smiled, but couldn't think of anything to say to that, so she just unhooked her bra and allowed it to fall onto the floor beside her. Sorata let out a shaky sigh, finished undressing and lay down in his bed, his arms and legs splayed open. Arashi bit her lip against the longing moan in her throat as she looked down at him. His summer tan and messy dark hair contrasted beautifully with the snowy white sheets. His expression was lustful, but soft, and his erection was so hard and begging to be touched. He held out his hand with a hopeful smile, and Arashi finally took off her underwear and climbed on top of him.
The skin to skin contact was ecstasy and Arashi held the sides of Sorata's face and kissed him hard on the lips. Sorata moaned and wrapped his arms tight around her, running his hands up and down her back, gripping her ass and her thighs. He was in heaven, feeling her so relaxed and entangled with him, her skin deliciously soft against his. He carefully eased her upwards so her warm, heavy breasts were level with his face. He took one nipple into his mouth with a grateful moan and knew an almost painful shock of arousal through every nerve of his body. Arashi cried out and arched into the sensations, throwing her head back and gripping his hair very tightly. It was almost painfully intense, but it made her toes curl and her inner walls spasm desperately.
"Oh my god!" she moaned, her thighs beginning to shake again. Sorata swirled his tongue around her nipple one more time, then let go and looked up at her, glassy eyed and gasping for breath. His expression aroused her as nothing else had so far, and she gripped his hair even tighter. "More," she begged him, softly. Sorata shuddered underneath her and obeyed at once, taking her other nipple into his mouth with another grateful moan. Arashi groaned and collapsed over him, holding his head against her chest. The sensation shocked every nerve of her body like an electric charge, making her thighs shake, clit pulse and inner walls throb desperately. They stayed there for what seemed like hours, until Sorata dragged his hand down her belly and pressed it up between her legs, teasing her hot, slippery labia. "Oh god!" Arashi cried, and with a massive effort, she pressed her hands into the pillows on either side of him and lifted herself away, once again leaving him gasping, his eyes glazed with lust.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes! I just," she swallowed and blushed. "Please, I want…" They both shivered at their shared rush of understanding.
"Me too," he replied, his voice low and needy, and saying it out loud made it all the more true. Arashi bit her lip, then rolled off of him to lie on her back, her legs spread and heart pounding. Sorata had to close his eyes and take a second to collect himself before pulling his bedside table drawer open to retrieve the condom he'd taken from Kamui a million years ago. He opened it and slid it on, then climbed back on top of Arashi and kissed her hard on the lips.
"Like this?" he asked her, softly, taking hold of his erection and guiding it into place.
"Like this," Arashi replied, her heart swelling suddenly.
He kissed her once more, then entered her with a smooth thrust of his hips. They moaned into each other's mouths as he stayed still a moment, allowing them to share the rush of ecstasy, relish it, feel full of each other. Arashi wrapped her arms and legs tight around Sorata and he rested his forehead against hers.
"Good?" he asked.
"Yes!" Sorata nodded, drew his hips back nice and slow, then thrust inside again. Arashi threw her head back in ecstasy and dug her heels into his lower back, her inner walls squeezing tight around him as though trying to pull him even deeper.
"Oh fuck, oh my god," Sorata moaned, employing all his will power not to move as fast as he could. He wanted to take it slow, draw it out, but oh god… He withdrew his hips and thrust back inside, still slow, still deep, the friction and pressure glorious for both of them.
"More!" Arashi begged him in another ecstatic moan, and he kept going, still slowly, cupping the back of her head in both hands to kiss her. Arashi closed her eyes and exhaled deeply into his mouth, surrendering completely. He was so tender, even though his thrusts were deliciously hard and deep. It felt incredible, but she knew that at this speed true pleasure would always be just out of reach. "Faster," she moaned, and with a deep shudder of arousal, Sorata obliged, fucking her harder and faster and deeper. "Oh god, yes!" Arashi cried without meaning to, moving her hips to match his rhythm. Sorata caught her lips in another kiss and snuck one arm under her, lifting her hips and tilting them into the perfect angle. "OH!" Arashi saw stars as the sensation radiated out through her body in hot, glorious waves and brought the pressure inside her to the boiling point.
Sorata groaned as she pulled in tight around his erection, the intensity of the sensation and new angle already more than enough to push him over the edge, but he wouldn't. Not yet. He kept going, drinking in her face, flushed and sweaty and contorted with pleasure, her nipples hard and thighs shivering around his hips as she received him. "Oh god!" he gasped, needing to change position before it was too late. He pressed himself up onto his knees and lay her slender legs over his shoulders. "Is this okay?" he asked in a choked voice.
"Y-yes!" Arashi cried, dazedly. Sorata nodded and began to move again, the new position allowing him even deeper inside. Arashi screamed and dug her fingernails into his shoulders. Her entire focus narrowed in on the friction and heat and pleasure he was giving her. Sorata felt her tense around him and knew a thrill of arousal in his own body.
"Are you close?" he asked, his voice constricting still further. Arashi's eyes flew open and she stared him hard in the face.
"Yes!" she cried, desperately, and saying it pushed her right to the edge. Sorata found her clit with his skilful fingers once again, and with just a few more thrusts, she came, hard, around his erection, sending fresh waves of pleasure crashing out through her body, heart and soul. She couldn't even scream, she could only make desperate, disconnected sounds, but it didn't matter: her mind had blanked blissfully, leaving her free of all thought, completely receptive and- "OH!" Sorata was moving his fingers again, pressing harder into her clit in quick, insistent circles. Arashi came again a split second later, the sensation sharp, almost painful, but incredible, unlike anything she'd felt before. She went completely limp in his arms and sank back into the pillows, unable to move except for her body's residual shudders of pleasure.
Sorata watched with wide, awed eyes, his entire body screaming its approval as he once more felt like the luckiest person on Earth. However, as her body stopped shuddering, as she blearily opened her eyes as she came down, the need he'd successfully ignored after changing positions was now white hot in his veins again. His other hand shook as he cupped the side of her face. She locked eyes with him as best she could, and he smiled down at her, his heart and erection both throbbing. "Good?" he whispered. Arashi closed her eyes in sheer bliss that made Sorata's erection throb again.
"Amazing…" Sorata swallowed.
"Can I keep going?" Arashi's eyes fluttered open, and, dragging the strength up from deep inside, she managed to take hold of the sides of his face again.
"I want you to come," she whispered. Sorata nodded and began to move again, immediately picking up his rhythm. Arashi moaned softly, completely receptive and loving it.
"I'm right there!" Sorata gasped, his entire body tense and poised.
"Inside," Arashi whispered.
"Oh-"
With a choked moan, Sorata came, harder than he had done in a long time. His entire body shuddered as pleasure gripped, then released him, draining it of everything but warm, gooey satisfaction. He fell against Arashi, breathing hard in her ear, and she shivered and closed her eyes, a soft, fulfilled smile on her face.
They stayed there a moment longer, then Sorata gave Arashi one last kiss on the lips and pulled out, slowly and carefully. Arashi gasped, missing him already as he straightened up, peeled off the condom and threw it out, groaning in satisfaction as he lay down beside her again. Arashi stretched and rolled over so they were face to face, and immediately he took her into his arms. He smiled warmly at her, his eyes still rather glazed, and kissed her tenderly on the lips.
"Still okay?" he asked her. She closed her eyes, her lips parting gently. As if "okay" could even begin to describe it.
"I feel amazing," she breathed, her eyes fluttering open and fingers trailing up and down his back.
"Me too," Sorata replied, truthfully. Arashi giggled but made no attempt to stifle it. Sorata's heart swelled in his chest and he held her more closely to him, feeling too content and sleepy to do much else. Arashi closed her eyes, still stroking up and down his back, until they both fell asleep.
Kusanagi's bungalow was the most crowded it had been in a long time, and he was loving it. Kakyo, Keiichi, Subaru, Kamui and Yuzuriha were all on his back porch with bowls of soup and sandwiches and easy conversation while he sat reclined in his usual chair, tossing crumbs to his contingent of sparrows. All the noise and bodies made them unwilling to come close, so they just chirped expectantly from the railings. Yuzuriha watched him out of the corner of her eye, her heart aching with each spoonful of soup.
"Your mom's coming to opening night, right Keiichi?" Kamui asked, dunking his sandwich into his soup and swallowing half of it in one bite.
"Yup!" Keiichi replied, though he sounded worried. "I tried to convince her to wait until at least a few nights in so we'd have the hang of things better, but," he shrugged.
"My moms are the same way," Kamui said with a nod of solidarity.
"Is that where you get it from?" asked Subaru, innocently. Everyone laughed and Yuzuriha added,
"Yes," immediately. Still laughing, everyone looked to Kamui for his reaction, which surprised him.
"What?" She's not wrong!"
"Really?" Subaru asked Yuzuriha, eagerly.
"Oh yeah!" she replied, at once, looking anywhere but at Kusanagi. "Tohru's this amazing, super composed lady but she'd also kick someone's ass. She takes absolutely no shit, it's awesome." Kamui smiled warmly at her, then added, affectionately,
"That's a nice way of saying 'but she doesn't give a fuck and drives her wife to distraction,' thank you!"
"Shut up, Kamui," snapped Yuzuriha, over everyone laughing.
"It's nothing she wouldn't also say about me, all right? Listen…"
"Listen!" Keiichi interjected in a deadly serious tone that sent everyone into further peels of laughter.
"Are both your parents like that?" Kusanagi asked.
"Oh no, they're total opposites, but in the best way," Kamui replied, fondly. "Ama also takes no crap, but she'd rather talk things out and be nice to people."
"What a tragedy," Subaru said, sardonically.
"No it's good! It just causes conflict sometimes, obviously."
"Only because you get in trouble and they handle it differently," Yuzuriha muttered, rolling her eyes.
"Yeah exactly," Kamui replied, courteously. Everyone looked curiously at him, clearly expecting a story to illustrate this, so he obligingly finished his sandwich and cleared his throat. "Best example was when I was in high school and I got in a fight-"
"Which time?" interrupted Yuzuriha, and Kamui gave her an extremely offended look.
"I was gonna say before you interrupted me!" But then he grinned. "In after school drama!"
"That wasn't a fight, that was you punching a castmate in the face!" Yuzuriha reminded him, also grinning, but he just shrugged.
"He deserved it, who cares?"
"Why'd you punch him?" Subaru asked, wearily, over yet more laughter.
"He was causing trouble for my friend, and my character had to punch his anyway, so…" Subaru kissed Kamui on the top of the head and Yuzuriha felt a rush of gratitude that he hadn't mentioned she was the friend for whom he was causing trouble.
"Convenient!" Keiichi said, grinning.
"I'm saying!" said Kamui. "I said it was an accident-"
"-and our drama teacher called bullshit," Yuzuriha finished.
"I was gonna say," Kusanagi said under his breath.
"Right? So of course I get sent off to the principal's office. He calls my parents, whatever. I'm just like, 'okay can I go back to rehearsal? We go up in two weeks,' but my Ama picks me up from school and sits me down and starts telling me off, like, 'I know you're angry but this isn't acceptable, you can't put your hands on people,' all that."
"How very unreasonable," Subaru said, politely sarcastic. Everyone burst into laughter again, but Kamui pressed on.
"I'm just there like," he paused and pulled a bored, glazed over face. "But then she tells me I'm grounded for the whole weekend and that's when I actually got fucking pissed off-"
"Unjust persecution, I'm telling you!" cried Subaru, and everyone laughed even harder.
"Listen!" Kamui said, loudly.
"Listen!" echoed Keiichi, very seriously, and Kamui waited for the laughter to subside before continuing.
"I'm like, are you kidding me? What if it really was an accident?!" Yuzuriha and Subaru exchanged a look. "But even if it wasn't! One, he deserved it, and two, it wasn't a hard punch!" Kusanagi and Subaru rolled their eyes: it was way too easy to imagine Kamui as a teenager, protesting wildly with feebler and feebler excuses. "But then Mom comes home from work, sees us arguing and is like," he put on a bravely receptive expression and a calm, commanding tone, "'wait wait, hold on. What happened? Is this about that message I got at work?' So I jump in and tell her what happened and the circumstances surrounding it. Context, you feel me?"
"Justification, you feel me?" Subaru offered instead.
"You know what? I'm gonna be the bigger person here and still punch someone in the face on your behalf should the need ever arise," Kamui told him, with dignity, before adding, in an undertone, "then come at me about justification."
"Holy shit, Kamui," laughed Yuzuriha.
"Listen, I'm just saying-"
"Listen," said Keiichi yet again.
"Exactly. So I tell Mom the story and then both Ama and I sit there waiting for her reaction, and she just kind of rolls her eyes and goes," he put on a resigned tone, "'Kamui for goodness sake. Was he hurt?' I was like, 'I dunno? Probably not? I really didn't hit him that hard, like I said!' And she just sighs and goes, 'Don't try that again or you'll be sorry, do you understand?' Now I know whenever she says that she's not playing, but then Ama's like, 'What do you mean if he tries that again he's in trouble?! I told him he's grounded this weekend already!'"
"Oh god," muttered Kusanagi warily.
"Right? So my Mom's like, 'He's already got detention and this kid needed to get put in his place-'"
"Your mom really said that?" Subaru asked, bemusedly.
"Yup," said Kamui, proudly. "See it's not just me, my entire family's like this. Anyway, Ama's like, 'Tohru, no! That's not right!' And Mom's all, 'Really? It's not that big a deal!' 'Yes it is!' So now they're in a fight, and I'm just kind of watching, like," he looked back and forth several times as though watching an invisible tennis match. "Am I in trouble, or…?"
"Were you?" asked Keiichi, over even more laughter.
"I dunno, I just left," Kamui replied, shrugging. "Then I went and texted you," he continued, nodding at Yuzuriha, who smiled back at him. "But yeah, my parents are cool, you'll see."
"I can't wait," replied Subaru, and he and Kamui kissed. "My grandmother will be here but she's nowhere near as fun."
"Same," said Yuzuriha. "This role was important to your dad, though, right Keiichi?" Keiichi's chest swelled.
"Yup! Like I said, I wish she'd come to a later performance, but truthfully I can't wait for her to see it. I just hope she likes it."
"I'm sure she will," Kusanagi assured him, clapping him encouragingly on the shoulder. "You're great in this."
"Thanks," he replied, smiling warmly at Kusanagi. "I'm sorry your parents can't be here to see it."
"There'll always be people who can't be there," Kusanagi replied with a rather sad smile. "Thank you though, I'm sorry too." Yuzuriha hastily looked away, but Kamui caught her eye and smiled. She still felt rather uneasy and jumpy, but she couldn't help but feel a little better for Kamui's support, in high school and now. She thought suddenly of Arashi, dragging her into the bathroom to talk things out and listen. She liked Arashi very much, and she wished the best for her and Sorata.
"Are your family coming to see your acting debut, Kakyo?" she asked, her tone and eyes as bright as she could make them. Kakyo started and fumbled with his spoon before speaking for the first time since they'd arrived at Kusanagi's bungalow.
"No," he mumbled, feeling suddenly and woefully inadequate, but he did his best. "I mean, I'm not sure, I haven't told anyone I'm performing." 'Or that I even came up here to begin with,' he reminded himself. His family, aside from the aunt from whom he'd inherited his apartment, didn't care as far as he knew. It had never occurred to him to be bothered before; their rejection had weirdly been the easiest to deal with, or at least prepared him to not be surprised by future losses. He swallowed and looked uncomfortably around at his castmates, wondering how they'd take this. However, they all just nodded understandingly, which took him completely by surprise. "That isn't weird?"
"Nah," Kamui said at once. "Letting your family see your work is always fucking weird."
"It is, right?" chimed in Subaru. "I love my grandmother, but she doesn't need to see everything."
"My parents weren't theater people, even though they were close to Setsuka," added Kusanagi. Kakyo allowed a smile, thinking the only person he really cared about impressing was Hokuto anyway, even though she'd become suddenly distant. It was probably his fault and he should have seen it coming, but still…
"Karen told me I should perform for myself first anyway," he said, quietly, trying not to think about Hokuto.
"She's right!" his castmates chorused emphatically. Kakyo just nodded, a lump in his throat.
As the sun sank further and further over the treetops to the west, the golden rays of light suddenly fell across Arashi's closed eyes. She shut them tighter for a moment, then opened them, and Sorata's bedroom came into glimmering focus. She sat up, and a soft smile spread across her face as she took in Sorata himself lying on his back, lips parted and hair all over his peaceful face. His chest rose and fell gently, and he was hard again. Arashi bit her lip and placed her hand on his chest. His heartbeat was slow and steady as hers was speeding up. She leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead, and immediately he began to stir. She drew away as his brow furrowed and he let out a sleepy groan. He stretched and rubbed his eyes, but as he focused on her, his heart swelled in his chest.
"Hey," he said, the new feelings spreading, warm and exciting, from his heart throughout his body.
"Hi," Arashi replied, softly. Sorata took hold of the hand on his chest and kissed it. Arashi flushed. "Did you sleep well?" Sorata laughed softly, staring into her face as though he could never look at her enough.
"Fuck yeah." Arashi smiled and kissed him on the lips. Sorata's erection twitched. "What happens now?" he prompted, in just above a whisper. Arashi took a deep breath in, sighed it out and kissed him again in answer.
"Do you want more soup, Yuzuriha?" Kusanagi asked, making her jump.
"Yes please," she replied, hating how flustered she sounded. Kusanagi smiled and got to his feet, making to take her bowl, but on a sudden rush of either bravery or madness, she stood up and led the way into the kitchen. She could feel Kamui's eyes on the back of her neck and knew intuitively that he was excited for her, that he'd be cheering her on if he could, but he engaged everyone in conversation to cover the moment instead, for which she was grateful.
"You didn't have to do that," said Kusanagi, once they were back in the cool, shady kitchen, nodding at her empty bowl and holding his hand out for it.
"No, it's okay, I," but she broke off, shrugging. She knew this was incredibly risky, particularly when they had only seconds, but she didn't trust her courage not to fail ever again. "I, um, I actually wanted to talk to you about something."
"What's going on?" Kusanagi asked, easily, but the very air in the room seemed to tense, blocking out the noise from the porch. Yuzuriha bit her lip, and Kusanagi suddenly suspected what was coming. It always went like this, all the tension and frustration and emotion building up since day one finally snapping after tech. As much as he tried and succeeded to stay out of it, he was still aware. His mind flashed suddenly to Fuuma on Monday morning before he forced it back to Yuzuriha in front of him. As much as he didn't want to assume and start forming counter arguments before she even got the words out, he immediately started thinking. It wasn't as if he couldn't reciprocate: Yuzuriha was beautiful, he loved her energy and presence and there was no doubting they had chemistry.
"Well," she began, rather awkwardly, realizing extremely quickly that she had no actual plan aside from getting him alone. She looked into his face, so handsome but also kind and receptive; he wouldn't laugh, would he? But there was no way he'd feel the same regardless, was there? "Kusanagi, I, what I'm about to tell you doesn't leave this room, okay?"
"I understand," he replied at once, and now his mind flashed to Seishiro. Yuzuriha actually believed him, and it made her blush like a high school student and she hated it. She took a deep breath, gathering her courage to say it before she lost her nerve.
"I like you," she said with a shudder. "I've liked you for a long time but I didn't want to say anything because-" but she stopped speaking before she could make a fool of herself.
"It's all right," Kusanagi said calmly. "It's all right." He was smiling, but her mouth went dry. A moment's silence passed. "That's very sweet." Yuzuriha's heart sank and her gaze dropped to the floor.
"But you don't feel the same," she finished, an unpleasant heat creeping up her neck.
"I didn't say that," Kusanagi said, kindly, his heart aching for her. Yuzuriha looked up at him sharply, but her sunken heart continued to pound in her stomach. "You're beautiful, you're a wonderful person, and I love spending time with you," he paused to take a breath, "but I don't date casually, and we're in way too different places for something serious."
"What-" Yuzuriha asked in a much higher voice than usual. She cleared her throat embarrassedly. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that I'm happy and established in Clow, but you're just starting out and are way too talented to throw all that away and get stuck up here with me." Yuzuriha said nothing, just stared back at him incredulously. "I'm not making an excuse," Kusanagi continued, his expression softening. "If things were different, I would love to try it." Yuzuriha closed her eyes, the words simultaneously heartening and infuriating. "But you can't give up your career to be with me, and I can't uproot mine to come to be with you-"
"I wouldn't ask you too!" Yuzuriha cried, forcing her eyes open.
"I know," Kusanagi continued in the same calm tone. "So how can you ask yourself to do that for me?" Yuzuriha faltered, the words bringing her tornado of mixed emotions to a halt.
"I… Because you might be worth it?" she offered, and even with her impatient tone the words sounded pathetic. She dropped her gaze to the floor again, feeling small and embarrassed and inadequate. What had she been thinking?! "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything!"
"No, I'm glad you told me," Kusanagi said, earnestly. "I'm just sorry you couldn't tell me sooner." Yuzuriha's eyes filled with tears and she looked up at the ceiling as if that would drain them away. Her first thought was 'so you could reject me sooner?' but she didn't want to snap at him like that. She just stared up at the ceiling, noticing every varnished groove in the weathered wood. "I'm sorry," Kusanagi said again, and she could tell he meant it, which only made it worse. "I promise you I'm not saying this to make excuses or to avoid being the bad guy or because I'm 'looking out for you' or something." He put a sarcastic spin on the phrase and Yuzuriha finally met his gaze again, her eyes still full of tears. "I just think you shouldn't waste your talent making decisions about your career based on someone besides yourself." Yuzuriha blinked, and the tears finally slid down her face. She couldn't blame him, and she knew he was right. How many of her friends had she seen turn down opportunities for a relationship that ultimately ended? Or had left them resentful about giving up something they loved?
"You really think I'm that talented?" she asked, quietly.
"Yes," Kusanagi replied, firmly. "And," he continued, slowly and carefully, "if later on you do decide to settle up here and we could do something for the long haul, then we'll talk about it."
"You mean all that?"
"I do." Yuzuriha sniffed and wiped her eyes, her heart aching powerfully even as it rose up to its rightful place in her chest again. She knew half elation, half crippling sadness. "And if in the meantime you need me to back off and give you space, I-"
"No," Yuzuriha said, firmly. She stepped forward, stood up on tip toe and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks for, for being honest," she said, bravely. Kusanagi just nodded, his cheek hot where she'd kissed him. "I'll be fine," she continued, as steadily as she could. "I'm just gonna go clean up." She touched her own wet cheek with an embarrassed sort of smile that broke Kusanagi's heart.
"Bathroom's that way," he told her, because it was the only problem he could solve. Yuzuriha nodded and hurried in the direction he'd indicated, and Kusanagi was positive he heard her stifle a sob. He sighed and pressed his fingertips to where she'd kissed him. "Damn it," he told the silence, his heart still aching. Another moment passed, and he picked up Yuzuriha's empty bowl and filled it with hot soup, trying to impart as much care as he could into the act, and returned his guests.
A few minutes later, Yuzuriha returned to the porch to find the bowl of soup waiting for her, though she wasn't remotely hungry for it. Kusanagi and Kamui both watched her in some concern, and though she appreciated it, she figured she must look worse than she felt, because inside she felt rather empty, but strangely free for it. Getting turned down was sad, and she was hurting, but the relief of finally speaking her feelings and knowing how he felt, rather than being stuck in limbo, was incredibly liberating. She felt almost like her feelings had matured for being exposed: like some instantaneous chemical reaction, they'd become less frantic and youthful, which was also a relief. Of course she wished that Kusanagi had given her the answer she'd wanted, but she found she didn't hold it against him. She knew he was right, deep down, and he'd said things might change some day. She'd always hated the phrase "if it's meant to be, it'll happen," but maybe there was a reason everyone said it all the time. Maybe it didn't just apply to people whose personal lives weren't messy. Maybe she could experience everything she'd always been jealous of. If not, there was always performing, which she'd loved for longer than any guy and had way better luck with anyway. It also made her almost embarrassingly happy that Kusanagi thought she was that talented. He'd seen Setsuka first hand, after all.
She rode shotgun on their drive home and watched Kusanagi laugh, sing along with his music and tell off the guys for misbehaving. They pulled back into BTC's campus and up to their dorms and caught sight of Sorata and Arashi sitting on their back porch with Hokuto. Kakyo's heart leapt as he hopped down from Kusanagi's truck, and he was relieved to see Hokuto smile and spring to her feet to greet him. Subaru, Kamui and Keiichi followed him, but Yuzuriha remained where she was a moment longer.
"You okay?" Kusanagi asked quietly, once Keiichi slammed the door behind him.
"I'm fine," she assured him. "I won't fall apart, I just needed to cry."
"I understand." They looked at each other, and a moment passed in aching silence.
"If I don't get a better gig, I'm going to try and get back here every summer," she told him, firmly. Kusanagi smiled.
"I'll be waiting." Her throat suddenly constricted too tightly for speech, so she just smiled and nodded and hopped down from the truck. She slammed the door behind her, and Kusanagi drove off into the blue and pink evening.
Yuzuriha wrapped her arms around herself and felt, before she saw, Kamui and Arashi run over to her. Arashi's eyes were full of concern, and Kamui's arms were wide and waiting. Her lip trembled and she fell against him, dissolving into tears both happy and sad. He held her close and steady while Arashi soothed and stroked her hair.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" Hokuto asked Kakyo, out of earshot of everyone else.
"Um, all right," he replied, cautiously. Her smile was the first encouraging sign in days, but he couldn't help but feel anxious as they headed away from the dorms, following the path down to the Ohkawa. People were rehearsing there, and their voices floated towards them on the warm evening breeze. However, they didn't go inside. Instead, Hokuto led Kakyo around the back of the building, the crunching of the gravel path under their feet the only sound until,
"I'm sorry I've been distant," she said, quietly.
"It's okay!" cried Kakyo at once, though he was relieved he hadn't been imagining things. Hokuto stopped walking, the evening light dappled where it fell across their path. She stared him hard in the face, and he met her gaze unflinchingly.
"How much of Sunday night do you remember?" she asked. Kakyo swallowed.
"I remember bits and pieces," he replied, sheepishly, looking down at his feet.
"Do you remember saying good night?" Kakyo swallowed again, trying to remember. A jerky picture of their upstairs landing came to him. Hokuto's face swam in front of him, in and out of focus. Clasped hands…? Molten panic surged inside him. Surely he would have remembered if… "Nothing happened," Hokuto assured him, and he sighed heavily in a weird mix of relief and disappointment. He looked her in the face, desperate for guidance, and she smiled a pained smile. "Is that something you want?" she asked, softly. Kakyo's stomach disappeared, and he went very red, no idea what to say, but, "You don't have to answer now," Hokuto said, still very quietly. "And… I'm not going to try and tell you how you feel in the meantime." Her stomach squirmed guiltily, but she stood her ground, staring intently at Kakyo. "But, would it be all right if I told you how I'm feeling?"
"Of course," Kakyo replied, finding his voice at once, his heart hammering in the place his stomach should have been.
Hokuto took a deep breath, trying to remember all she'd planned to say, but it seemed the harder she tried the quicker her prepared speech deserted her. She shook her head in frustration before locking eyes with Kakyo, and his gaze drew new words, but true and honest words, out from deep in her chest. "I care about you," she said, firmly, "and if goes beyond just wanting to help you. That was more to do with me than anything else." Kakyo nodded, not sure he understood but listening anyway. "But because of that, I also know that if we were to try and, and be more than friends," her heart squeezed and her chest flushed. "I wouldn't feel comfortable until you're in a better place." Kakyo felt suddenly as if he were under one of the spotlights on stage, but, like when he was on stage, he didn't look away. He tried to recall the feeling of performing, of gathering courage from reserves he'd once thought empty, to speak his lines.
"I've been thinking about that for a while," he told her, just as softly. Hokuto managed not to immediately interject, but it was a challenge. "I, of course I, would love to be more than friends," he shuddered as he said it, but weirdly, it also gave him strength. "I think you're one of the most incredible people I've ever met, and you saved my life! I just," a sudden lump rose in his throat, but he swallowed it with his new strength, "I can't imagine you wanting to be with someone like me." The words broke Hokuto's heart, and she wanted to say something cajoling and encouraging like she always did, but her reserve of positivity felt distinctly insincere all of a sudden, leaving her with nothing but her own feelings. She didn't like it, but wasn't this what Subaru had told her to do? Keep the focus on herself and listen?
"It's not like that," she sighed, regretfully, "it's nowhere near that simple." In some part of his mind, Kakyo knew he should have been heartened by the promise in the words, but the rest of his mind immediately tried to take over, to drag him to all the scariest possibilities. "It's because I was able to help you that I can't just reciprocate. I know my pattern." Hokuto's stomach squirmed again as she admitted it. "I try and help someone, they fall for me, it always ends in resentment." She swallowed. "But you're different, and I, I wouldn't want to start anything as we are now."
"I don't feel worthy of asking you to, so it works out," Kakyo replied, finally breaking their gaze to stare at his feet again, his heart still beating in his belly.
"So what, we just ignore your feelings?" Hokuto demanded, her voice suddenly sharp. The words had unearthed a sudden spring of anger in her chest, further separating the broken shards of her heart. Kakyo recoiled slightly, but looked up at her again, almost incredulous.
"Is there another option?"
"Yes!" she cried, her broken heart pounding, its edges poking painfully between her ribs. "You get into a better place and we meet as equals! Obviously!" Her face burned as she realized how simple, though foreign, a concept this was. A moment's silence passed.
"Sorry," Kakyo said, eventually. Hokuto closed her eyes for a moment, her anger at him turning inwards and making her stomach curl up in shame.
"Don't do that," she said, firmly, forcing her eyes open.
"What?"
"Don't apologize. I'm sorry, I just," she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I won't ignore your feelings and I don't want you to either!" Now Kakyo raised his eyebrows.
"Isn't that my pattern?" he asked. Hokuto's eyes widened, and they stared at each other, stunned for a second, before she laughed, but then clapped her hands to her mouth.
"I'm sorry!" she cried, mortified, "I don't mean to laugh, it's just, you're right!" Now Kakyo allowed himself a laugh, his heart creeping back up to his chest.
"I am," he agreed, his stomach reappearing. Hokuto sighed heavily and shook her head again.
"Exactly, so I don't want to start anything as we are now." She closed her eyes for a moment, but when she reopened them, she was smiling, looking much more like herself, and the deeply familiar gesture was almost unspeakably comforting to Kakyo. "Colleagues and friends for now, okay?"
"For now?" Kakyo asked, that part of his brain that had recognized the implication earlier forcing back any negative what ifs.
"We'll see," Hokuto replied, as sincerely as she could. She looked into Kakyo's face, and it was as if some subconscious barrier had lifted, allowing her to finally see him clearly. For the first time, she was able to appreciate just how handsome he was, how he went back and forth with her and made her laugh. She could, she actually could, but she'd have to wait, take time and see what happened naturally.
Kakyo wasn't entirely sure what had happened in the conversation, but he was aware that something had shifted, and also that it was a relief. "We'll see," she had said, and the possibilities suddenly seemed endless, even bright. It took off the immediate pressure, gave both of them more time. He hadn't realized just how much he'd been worrying about the end of the summer and what it would mean for him and Hokuto until this moment. He'd assumed, subconsciously and not, that she'd abandon him, but now it didn't seem that way. If Hokuto would stay in his life in some capacity and he had no other loose ends to tie up, couldn't he just start over? His apartment would be cleaned out, he'd be coming back with new and renewed relationships, that was certainly something to build from. He'd be able to have Hokuto come over without feeling awful, he could have his other castmates who lived in New York over too! Maybe he could even perform there, go to school and learn to do it properly, work again with this group of people he liked so much and who had been so kind to him.
The happiness and hopefulness felt rather dangerous, because things so rarely turned out well, much less stayed that way. However, just for today, as he looked out over BTC's campus, lush and green and bathed in evening light, he'd allow himself to be optimistic. He turned back to Hokuto, who was watching him apprehensively, and gave her a real, genuine smile. "Thank you for bringing me here," he told her, for what felt like the millionth time. She smiled back, and he allowed more happy feelings to warm his insides.
"Thank you for coming," she replied, her own heart swelling. They stayed there a moment, Kakyo still gazing appreciatively around the campus. "Do you think you'll do more theater after this?" Hokuto asked, following his gaze.
"I was just thinking about that."
"Were you?"
"I'd like to pursue it, I think. Even if I can't make a full career out of it, it'd get me out of the house." Hokuto beamed.
"I agree! Go and take classes, there's tons of good ones in the city." Kakyo nodded, and had a sudden vision of himself back here in a year's time, knowing what he was doing and playing a role for which he'd actually auditioned.
"Let's go back," he said. Hokuto nodded, and they walked back to their dorm. However, Hokuto stopped abruptly outside it, having caught sight of Yuzuriha on her porch with Arashi and Kamui. Kakyo looked at her inquiringly.
"You go ahead, I'll be there in a bit." Kakyo nodded and headed back inside while Hokuto approached the group. They all looked up, and she noticed Yuzuriha's eyes were rather red and puffy. "Yuzuriha, can I talk to you for a second?" Yuzuriha sniffed, looking confused and apprehensive, but nodded.
"We'll be inside," Kamui said quickly, and he and Arashi retreated to the kitchen. Hokuto wondered for a moment if they knew what she'd said to Yuzuriha, if they were upset with her, but knew it didn't change what she had to do. She hopped up the back steps and Yuzuriha got to her feet, her arms folded across her chest.
"I'm sorry for what I said on Sunday night," Hokuto said, without preamble. Yuzuriha's eyes widened. "It was none of my business. I was out of line, and I'm sorry." Yuzuriha closed her eyes, the words too much on top of everything else that had happened today. However, she forced herself to stay present and managed a shakey,
"It's okay." She blinked her eyes open, and as Hokuto came into focus, she could tell the apology was completely sincere. "Thank you."
"I know I'm terrible at keeping my mouth shut sometimes," Hokuto continued, "I'm really, really sorry." Yuzuriha sniffed again and wiped her eyes, even though she'd thought she'd cried all her tears already.
"Was it that obvious?" She had to ask even though she dreaded the answer.
"Not at all," Hokuto assured her, shaking her head. "It was mostly a lucky guess on my part." Yuzuriha sighed in relief. "Subaru's way more intuitive than I'll ever be. He fucking X-rayed me the other day." Yuzuriha managed a smile.
"It's weird," she said, after a moment, her gaze suddenly rather wistful. "People tell you not to pretend to know things, but then pretending not to know things is okay?" Hokuto said nothing and Yuzuriha heaved another sigh. "It's exhausting." Hokuto smiled ruefully.
"It is. It's like that everywhere, lying about what you know or how much, but at Babylon it's so much worse."
"It's like telling the truth is spiteful or something," Yuzuriha said, bitterly.
"That's so depressing!" Hokuto laughed, though it was certainly true some of the time. She'd have felt all the time, if not for her conversation with Kakyo.
"I know, I'm just being dramatic," Yuzuriha replied, woefully, thinking that Kusanagi had been kind in telling her the truth, even if it wasn't what she'd wanted to hear. "But fuck if the truth doesn't hurt sometimes."
"It does," agreed Hokuto. They exchanged a rueful smile.
"I'm gonna go lie down," Yuzuriha said, quietly. "But um, thanks."
"Sure." Yuzuriha hesitated, then gave Hokuto a quick hug before going back inside.
Hokuto sighed, feeling better, but rather drained, and returned to her own dorm.
Hell yeah, express your feelings, everyone!
I feel so sad for Yuzuriha and so happy for Arashi and Kakyo, I can't! How are you all feeling? Who are you happiest and saddest for? How will the resolution continue? I'm excited.
I think of reviews when I summon my kekkai, leave me some!