A/N: Glad to see quite a few people ended up getting some laughs out of this wacky little story - thanks to everyone who left such lovely reviews. Stay shiny, folks! ;)
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 11 - Who Do You Want To Be?
"Just seems sad to me is all." Kaylee sighed, even as she pushed herself closer to Simon on the couch, not hating the feel of his arm around shoulders. "I got somethin' I been wantin' an awful lot outta this whole mess."
"As did I," her husband agreed with a smile that made her all the happier, and yet.
"Just seems like most other folks around here is sadder than ever. Cap'n and Inara most of anyone."
"And yet some are happier, in ways that I'm not afraid to admit disturb me... a lot." Simon shuddered. "I mean, do you understand what River could ever see in that... that man-ape gone wrong thing!" he said of Jayne.
Kaylee laughed at that. "Come on, now, you know Jayne ain't so bad," she told him, not even minding how wide his eyes got when she did. "He really ain't. Much as he can be loud and crass and all, he can be real sweet too. Cares a lot for this crew, every one o' us. I don't think you got anythin' to fear. 'Sides, we all know what River is capable of too. Laid him out good and proper, didn't she?"
At that remark, Simon frowned a little. "She did," he said as he recalled the event from the two muddled days that had just now passed. "What surprises me isn't her capability. She has science and math on her side, which means a person of any size can fell another that ought to be impossible to move. I just have to wonder what provoked her attack. It's the not the first time she did something like that."
It wasn't until he said it that Kaylee remembered the last time herself, when River took a knife to Jayne's chest and all. They never did figure out why exactly, and now, with the two of them having been acting kind of like sweeties when they was under the influence, she really didn't know what to think.
"Maybe it's best to let 'em figure it out their ownselves," she said eventually, shrugging her shoulders. "Might be best if everybody aboard did that," she said pointedly, as she noticed Inara walking by, clearly in search of someone.
Simon followed her gaze and then sighed. "She was hurt, wasn't she? To see Mal with Zoe."
"'Ceptin' he never was with her," Kaylee noted. "They was never really married. Far as I know, they never acted like they was, least that's what I heard Zoe tellin' Wash before."
"Then perhaps each relationship can be re-established as it was before," said Simon thoughtfully. "I have to say, for all the trouble that Captain Boyd and his wife caused, I can't be entirely sorry that we were taken in by them," he told her then, smiling widely.
"Me either," Kaylee agreed, practically throwing herself at him and kissing him long and hard on the lips.
Though Mal came by right in that moment, he never said a word, just kept to walking in his search for Inara. She was up on the walkway, gazing down on the cargo bay, when he finally caught up to her, looking as strikingly beautiful as ever, of course, and yet the smile she wore didn't meet her eyes when she glanced his way.
"Captain Reynolds," she said so formally as to make him wince. "What became of your charming wife?"
He bristled at that question, not least because he had a feeling she weren't just talking about Saffron, or Ophelia, or whatever she was calling herself this go-around. After all, going on two and three days now, he had it in his head that Zoe was his other half. What an unholy mess that had been. Mal was glad enough to have pretty much all of his memories back in place since he woke up this morning, but that didn't fix everything.
"Managed to cut a deal with Patience. Figured we owed her somethin', after how she tipped us off about Boyd's men and all," he explained, leaning on the rail beside Inara and looking down into the blank space beneath, same as she was. "Seems she has a debt of her own to pay to a less-than-righteous landowner a couple o' clicks from here. Saffron oughta fit the bill just fine."
"Tzao-gao, Mal!" the companion gasped with surprise. "Saffron is many things, but you wouldn't see her sent to some tyrant-"
"She'll do just fine," Mal insisted firmly. "Not that I think she deserves a hint o' kindness, but the landowner is a woman and a fair-minded type. She ain't no slave trader, just someone who can keep the kuh wu little madam outta our hair for a good long spell."
That seemed to satisfy Inara, with regards to Saffron anyway. Mal knew well enough there was plenty more to be said if he wanted to bring that genuine smile he knew and loved back to her face. Just wished he was better with fancy words than he actually was.
"'Nara, I... I ain't one for speechifying, nor apologisin' much, you know that."
"What kind of apology or speech would I require from you, Captain?" she asked him, glancing away.
His hand on her own soon brought her attention back to him.
"Don't do that, 'Nara," he urged her. "Now, you know well and all what I'm tryin' to say here. That whole mess with the moonshine, me thinkin' that Zoe and me... Makes me shudder just to think on it. I mean, she's a fine woman, fine soldier too, but I ain't ever-"
"I am very well aware of the relationship between you and Zoe, Mal," Inara assured him. "I rather think Wash had more right to be worried than I ever did."
"Rights don't come into it." Mal shook his head. "And if they do, well, you got 'em just the same. Oughta know that by now," he told her with a slight smile.
"Perhaps." Inara nodded slowly. "But it would be nice to hear it said all the same," she said with a smile of her own, not backing off at all as Mal leaned in closer.
They never noticed the people moving below, River catching Jayne by the arm and urging him back out of the cargo bay into the dark corridor, before they were spotted. To his credit Jayne didn't show any signs of being startled by her suddenly being there behind him, but truth to say, he hadn't a clue until she reached for him.
"What you want now, you fong luh little witch?" he asked her crossly, though there wasn't half so much venom in those words than there might have been once upon a time.
He'd been finding it tough enough these past few months to be mad at her all of the time, and after the past couple of days, the past couple of nights, when they was together and all, it was harder than ever. Didn't that just have a half dozen meanings these days he didn't much want to consider either.
"Had trouble sleeping," she told him, looking up from the ground to meet his eyes. "Without him."
"Get used to it," he warned her. "Some stupid moonshine made us crazy a while, but now it's wore off. End of situation."
"Knows better than that," she told him crossly, eyes flashing angrily in the dim light. "He knew before the end, same as she. Knew exactly what they were doing."
Whether she meant the sexing they got into or something else, Jayne couldn't be sure, but given she could look into people's heads and all, seemed pretty clear he couldn't lie his way out of anything here. Of course, that didn't mean he had no defence to speak of.
"You know just exactly what you did, crazy woman?" he asked her, tilting his head as he stared at her. "You rememberin' what happened, right out there?"
He pointed back out towards the cargo bay, the place he had ended up flat on his back, knocked out cold by little River just a couple of days before. To her credit, she looked shame-faced about it, for all of five seconds, before the smile was back.
"He wasn't complaining about her putting him flat on his back at other times," she said smartly.
"Ain't even the point, girly," he warned her, pointing his finger in her face this time. "You and me, we ain't gonna end up like your brother and little Kaylee. This ain't no fairy-tale, dong ma?"
"Not stupid," she snapped at him then, grabbing the finger from in front of her face and yanking it hard. "She knows what she is, what he is too. Ariel still haunts them both," she said with a knowing look, "but together... they don't have to be afraid."
He meant to tell her he wasn't afraid of nothing, but that would be a lie, and of all people, she would know. She always gorram knew.
Maybe that was better, in the long-term. After all, Jayne weren't exactly the best with words. If she could see what he meant to say without him having to explain, could be it was to his advantage. A lot of this might yet work out to his advantage.
"Mutual benefits," she said, nodding her head and smiling slowly. "Mutually consenting adults."
"I gotta be as kwong-juh duh as you are if I agree to this," he told her, even as he moved in closer, pinning her to the wall.
"Doubt that's possible," she said, laughing as if it were a joke, but it was only a few seconds before she was serious again. "Might better consider his clothing choices," she said thoughtfully. "Don't have all the answers yet, but twice she has attacked the Blue Sun."
Jayne frowned a little at that remark, brain more than a little fuzzed by lust and possibilities to be thinking too straight on anything else. Still, he realised after a minute, she did have a point. Both times she come at him in violence, he had on that same gorram shirt with the Blue Sun logo. God only knew what that meant, but he had a notion not to wear that thing no more.
"Good thinkin', girly," he said, nodding his head. "Any more smart ideas you wanna share?"
"Just one," she said, throwing her arms up around his neck and pulling him close enough to kiss.
It seemed such a thing might just be a theme aboard ship, since up above them on the bridge, Zoe and Wash were very much lost in their own romantic moment. They were certainly hell-bent on a lot more than kissing, at least until an alarm sounded and Wash was forced to pull away from his beloved.
"You prioritising this ship over your wife, husband?" she asked, as he almost threw her from his lap to get to his controls.
"Sorry, Lamby-Toes, but I sort of figured you didn't want us to crash and die right now."
"Would put a crimp on my plans for later," she dead-panned, standing by the pilot's chair to watch him do what he did best.
"Comin' in to land on Athens in just a few minutes. Might wanna let the Captain know, this is where his wife needs dropping."
"Yes, dear," Zoe agreed, planting one last kiss on his cheek before she left.
Running down to the cargo bay, she found Mal was already there, headed for the hiding place they usually reserved for contraband.
"Want some help taking out the trash, sir?"
"Wouldn't mind it," the Captain told her with a grin, pulling the panel aside and revealing a gasping Saffron. "This is where you get off," he told her sternly, "for good this time. Then we got someone needs picking up instead."
Zoe hauled Saffron out into the light effortlessly, not least since the other woman was bound at both her hands and feet, and gagged for good measure.
"Preacher's gonna start to wonderin' what's taken us so long."
"Well, let him keep on wondering." Mal shrugged. "I sure as heck ain't tellin' him the tale of the past few days. Seems he keeps secrets enough from the rest of us. Might be just as wise to return the favour."
It was strange to Shepherd Book how much he could miss home. There really wasn't one place in the whole of the 'verse he could say he truly belonged for such a long time. Not the place he was born, nor anywhere he had been stationed. Not even the abbey on Persephone that he had made his place for a while. Then came Serenity, and a crew of thieves and mercenaries and fugitives, and suddenly, he had a place that he could think of as his own, where he knew what to expect, where he felt welcome and needed.
The sight of the magnificent bird landing in the sand was such a welcome sight, as was little Kaylee, waving happily from the ramp, as he made his approach.
"Hey there, Shepherd!" she greeted him with much enthusiasm as he came aboard. "You have a nice walk in the world?"
"It was quite enlightening, yes," he said, only now noticing quite how tightly Kaylee was holding onto Simon's hand. "Did I... miss something?" he asked, looking past the apparent couple to the exercise area beyond.
Jayne was just now dropping back onto his feet after a series of chin-ups over the bar, only to have River wrap her arms around him, the pair kissing like young lovers might.
"Oh, my!" Book gasped with surprise.
"There have been one or two... revelations," said Simon, shifting uncomfortably, "since you left us."
"One or two?" asked Book warily.
"Best thing you can do, Shepherd, is ask no questions and be told no lies," said Mal as he suddenly appeared, slapping Book on the back as he hit the button with his other hand and closed up the ramp. "Been a heck of a last few days, I don't mind tellin' ya."
"Apparently." Book nodded, more than a little dumbfounded still by the idea of not just Simon and Kaylee making a pair, but River and Jayne too.
"Ah, Shepherd," said Inara as she descended the steps and saw he was back. "How are you? Can I offer you some refreshment? Some tea perhaps?"
"I... I think I might be needing something just a little stronger," he confessed in a low voice.
He would never know why that comment caused such uproarious laughter in all quarters, and had a mind that perhaps he shouldn't ask any more about it!
The End