Hermione spends the next days absorbed in the pages of the journal, her heart breaks at every unexpected mistake and each loss that Maxima experiences feels like one of her own. She had heard the stories before, Peter's betrayal, the McKinnon's sacrifice but it had never felt so real, so devastating until she read the pages in the book.
"BLOOD TRAITORS IN THE HOUSE OF BLACK" Screeched the horrid painting of Walaburga Black ripping Hermione's gaze away from the final page of the journal. The last words echoing in her mind
Now Hermione Granger, my sister of sorts, I entrust to you, the saving is wizarding kind from enslavement, from death at the hand of Tom Marvelo Riddle.
"FREAKS. SCUM. DESECREATING THE HOUSE OF BLACK." The painting wailed again, signifying the members of the order had entered awaiting the start of the meeting.
"Shut up, mum" Sirius cursed silencing her painting and Hermione grinned. It was almost endearing how, despite the wretchedness of his mother, he kept her painting up. It was really unconditional, the permanence of family.
They were in the green war room today; it was already full when Hermione entered but with a little shuffling and the transfiguring of a hairpin to a chair, room for her was made.
"Thank you for coming" spoke Dumbledore, but his voice was overpowered by the anxious chattering of those who attended. Rumors of experiments were circulating and one which had Hermione on edge was the experiments to remove the 'stolen' magic from mugglebourns. Blaise had made some friends who worked in the ministry and if what they had said was true, it was concerning at the very least.
"Oi, SHUT IT" yelled Tonks standing on a chair. The room quieted down, their attention now focused on Dumbledore to begin the meeting. Tonks who sporting dark purple hair today and wore a dress adorned with many different young dogs chasing their tails.
"Welcome all, it is nice to see all of your young faces" Dumbledore spoke, and Hermione couldn't help the sour taste his words left in her mouth. He spoke as if they were all having a crowded spot of tea, not discussing battle strategy and how to stay alive.
"Why don't you start us off Mr. Weasley" Dumbledore began and Arthur looking surprised began to speak to the increase in raids in the misuse of magical artifacts.
"Ah, Arthur" Dumbledore chuckled, "While concerning that is, I was speaking more to the other Mr. Weasley, Fred if you will?" Arthur turned a bright red and mumbled something indecipherable.
"I've been working on something big" Fred started, and Hermione felt both surprise and hurt. That he had been working on something for the order and hadn't thought to share it with her. Yet, the small voice in her heard reminded her, there was a lot she did for the order that she wouldn't dare speak of with him.
"I've found a way to hide the muggelborn students safely." It was a bold statement, but Fred came prepared pulling out maps, fake identification, international portkeys and a house abroad in Ireland to safely hide the students until they could return safely.
It was a good plan, Hermione could admit, great even but she couldn't help the dark hole that tuned in her stomach at the thought of it. So much could go wrong.
"When do you expect this all do go down, you don't think you can just up and leave with some students in the middle of the night to yer" Moody growled his false eye twitching as he scanned the people at the table.
Fred smiled, it was something that hadn't crossed him mouth in a while but there was joy left, especially at doing the impossible. "Professor Moody, that is exactly what I plan to do".
The meeting erupted in chatter, everyone had a question, wanted to know the logistics or thought it was all but barmy to attempt such a thing. If one got caught they all got caught. But as Fred reasoned, if they got away with it, they all get away scotch free.
As the meeting came to an end, Fred's plan had been reformulated as such, a group of order members would go to each muggleborns home or hiding place and each group would apparate or travel by broom to the burrow. Hermione along with Sirius and Mad-eye Moody had been assigned to the most difficult case, a child hiding in the depths of Knockturn Ally. While Fred had assured them that each student had consented to going, Tonks herself had checked in with this student, Hermione could not quell the uneasy feeling that sank like a rock in the pit of her stomach.
"Is the girl even good enough to hold her own?" Moody had asked Dumbledore, not even daring to direct the question at her. "Thought she was a healer" he spoke grumbling about not wanting anyone incompetent around him.
"I think Severus can attest to Ms. Grangers competency as he has been training her for some time now" spoke Dumbledore his eyes twinkling.
"Moody don't let her pretty face deceive you, that girl is merciless" Snape spoke with almost a laugh, and Hermione had to consciously work to quell her anger. No one paid any mind to the comment and had only perceived it as an attachment to her ability to hold her own in a duel.
The room cleared out quickly after that each member not wanting to be caught out of place for too long, they each had reputations and covers to maintain. All but Fred and Hermione had left, and they sat in silence neither knowing how to start the conversation. As per usual, Hermione dove in head-first.
"Why didn't you tell me" she asked trying not to sound as hurt as she was. She was his…friend, or something and she felt a sort of entitlement to the information.
Fred looked at her long and hard and Hermione knew that someone had told him, someone had ruined it all. He looked at her with such malice that Hermione she almost doesn't recognize him, not with his face like that, tainted with hate.
"You had blood on your hands Hermione" He spoke, and Hermione knew the person who had ruined it was her.
"You had dried blood and you didn't even notice" He spoke his face red and heated and He made his way around the table. "Who did you kill? Who was it? Who did you slaughter before crawling into my arms?" Hermione just stared at him and tears spilled over onto her cheeks. His voice carried into the hallway and she saw Sirius carefully enter the room.
"Even Snape says it, you're merciless. Do you make them beg for death or are you swift in your judgment" His words hit like acid and Hemiones face is damp but she does not shake, she steeled staring him, letting him speak.
"I'm sorry fred, I'm so sorry, you have to understand" she tried, she couldn't bare his hate, his raw anger.
"I don't have to do anything" he hissed, "If you could fight where have you been, hiding. You could have saved him. You could have saved Ron" He launched forward, and Hermione so used to his soft touch is almost taken aback when his grip is hard and rough. His fingers lay deep into her flesh and Hermione knows it will bruise.
Sirius charges in between them protectively when Fred raises his wand. "HE TRUSTED YOU. YOU WERE THE SMART ONE OF THE THREE. YOU ABANDONED HIM" He screams but seeing Sirius he folds onto the ground, his agony reverberating between the walls.
Hermione stays there pinned against the wall in the green room by nothing more than her own guilt and grief long after everyone, even Fred has left. She stays there in the dark and wonders if the guilt will consume her, she wonders if even Remus and Sirius would run from her now, the murderer in their midst.
When Hermione finally crawls into her bed it is only moments before Sirius joins her. He does not comment on the dampness of her hair the result of too long spend under the scalding water of the shower but instead holds her in a tight embrace.
"How many did you…kill" he asks after a long moment of silence, and Hermione feels the hallow pain that each life she had taken caused, she feels dirty. "I stopped counting after fifty… but he kept asking, and I didn't want anyone else to have to do it. I…couldn't say no." She whispered fresh tears welling up in her eyes.
"Who asked?" he spoke slowly, softly but she could feel his anger as his chest rumbled. She could hear is heartbeat fast and felt his fury as if it were her own.
"Who else, Dumbledore" she spoke bitterly expecting for him to pull away, to grab his wand and curse her. She expected him to lock her in the cellar. She supposed a part of her wanted him to, she deserved it, some punishment for what she had done.
Sirius just pulled her tighter to his body his arms wrapping around her. He smells like cigarette smoke, of firewood, musk and cologne, it calms her, and she falls asleep like that, cradled in the arms of Sirius Black.