MP: Welcome back, everyone! I think I speak for all of us when I say that we're currently living in stressful times, and could use some levity, so the timing for this new chapter is pretty perfect.
PA2: Yes, we're only going to be talking about fun things here! Like (censored for spoilers), (redacted), and of course JCA's usual propensity for high-octane (BLEEEEP!)...okay, who turned on my spoiler alarm?
MP: You'll thank me later. Can't have you ruining the story. That said, I think this may be my favorite chapter so far. I know I've said that about almost every chapter, but I really mean it this time!
PA2: I feel that. We had a lot of fun writing it, from the fights to the conversations, so please enjoy it to the fullest!
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Jackie Chan Adventures: Olympian Journey
Chapter 10: New Year, Old God
"Shizu, please!" Daisuke begged, rushing over to his girlfriend's side, only to be sternly pushed back.
"You will speak only when spoken to!" Tohru's mother barked. With a swat of her hand, she sent him flying across the room. Jackie bounced on the balls of his feet and leapt to catch the older man before he hit the floor, rolling to protect them from the impact. To their surprise, Tohru's mother ran over to help Daisuke back to his feet. "Oh, Daisuke," she cooed. "Are you alright?"
Everyone gave her a funny look.
"Old hag has gone off deep end!" Uncle mumbled.
Daisuke raised an eyebrow, but nodded. "Of course, my dear," he told her. "Just...very confused."
"All will become clear soon enough," Ms. Takagi promised. She gave him a light shove over to the table, then advanced on the others. "Tohru!" she barked, glaring at her son. "Come here this instant! The others are of no importance to me, but I do not wish to hurt you!"
"M-mommy," Tohru said, his voice uncertain. "You are not in your right mind. Please, try to collect yourself before…"
"SILENCE!" Ms. Takagi snapped. "Obey your mother, or face the consequences!" She swung her hammer, and a wave of heat slammed over everyone. The sudden change was more than jarring. Uncle and Daisuke nearly passed out, and Tohru was suddenly drenched in sweat.
"She seems to have a handle on her power already," Jackie muttered, wiping his brow. "This won't be easy."
"Can someone please explain what's happening?" Daisuke asked plaintively. "What happened to Shizu?"
"Talk later!" Jade told him, holding a hand to the old man's face. "Uncster, you got that magic mojo?"
"Need time to prepare!" Uncle said. "Jackie, Tohru, keep she-beast at bay!"
"You know, she is still my girlfriend," Daisuke said dryly.
Ignoring him, Tohru charged his mother, attempting to slam her back with his sheer size, but Ms. Takagi didn't back down easily. She planted her feet and took a defensive stance, skidding back only a little before pushing Tohru aside. With a single thrust of her open hand, she sent Tohru flying back into a wall. A nearby vase teetered, and Daisuke caught it just in time.
As Tohru struggled to catch his breath, Jackie ran in, ducking to avoid a swipe of the hammer, then leaping and doing the splits as Tohru's mother shot out her hand. He flew over her head, then seized the hammer, wrestling it from her iron grip. "Got it!" he announced, holding the tool high. Within seconds, though, his hands began to burn, and he began juggling the hammer, trying to cool it off in midair. "Hot hot hot hot hot!"
"Hammer not important!" Uncle snapped. His potion kit was out, and he was adding crushed crab shells and beeswax to a vial of olive oil. "Removal spell is!"
"Ugh, your bleating is hurting my ears," Ms. Takagi groaned, pressing one hand to the side of her helmet. The other hand, the one that once held the hammer, was still curled into a fist and pointing straight at Uncle. "You're due to be sheared!" she snapped, clenching her fist tight. Immediately, her gauntlet sprouted a massive blade, shaped like a katana and made entirely out of polished obsidian.
"Ai-yah!" Uncle screeched, frantically gathering his ingredients. He rolled out of the way just before Tohru's mother brought her weapon down right where he had been sitting, slicing a massive gash into the floor. As she pulled back for another swing, Jackie grappled her from behind, pinning her arms to her sides. The armor was burning to the touch, but he resisted the urge to let go, hanging on tightly. She snarled and slammed her head back, nearly breaking his collarbone, but Jackie literally rolled with it, pulling her back with him. He passed under her before coming back on top and trying to hold her arms to the floor, his hands just a little safer under his sleeves.
"This is improper guest etiquette!" Ms. Takagi shrieked, raking the blade across the floor by Jackie's legs. Jackie hopped up to avoid it, and the old woman used the opportunity to break his grip and toss the archaeologist aside. Jackie collided with Tohru, who had just stood up to rejoin the fight, and the two slammed back into the wall. The impact caused several decorative plates to fall from the armoire, shattering into a dizzying array of multicolored shards. "Oh, now look at what you've done! Daisuke and I made those together!"
"All of them?" Jade asked, for once staying out of the fight to help guard Uncle.
"I ENJOY CRAFTING!" Ms. Takagi snapped.
"Crafting up a lot of nightmares for me to sift through!" Jade remarked. "Starting with that nasty beard!"
"Children should be seen and not heard!" Tohru's mother snarled. With a roar, she threw Jackie from her, then lunged at Jade, ready to slice her in half. Daisuke snatched Jade out of the way, and Tohru grabbed his mother from behind, gritting his teeth as his fingers blistered from the armor. He grunted as he hefted her up, shook her until she dropped the sword, and tossed her through the paper screen into the kitchen where a clattering of pots, pans and plates could be heard. Jackie ran in after her, and Tohru blocked the exit.
The kitchen itself was both immaculately clean and immensely high-tech, with the finest stainless steel on every surface, top-of-the-line appliances, and beautiful mosaic tile floors. A trio of chefs were at their stations, completely unaware of the mayhem that had unfolded just a room away.
"You wish to stop the inferno, then place me by a stove?!" Ms. Takagi laughed as flames danced around her armor. The servants around her gasped, and one look in her eye had them racing out the back door. With a laugh, she seized a huge chef's knife and gave it a practice swing. "Ah, a true masterpiece," she said with appreciation as she heated it, "forged by one of my country's finest. Cost more than anything in old goat's junk shop, I bet! And a perfect new weapon!"
She sliced it in Jackie's direction, and he leaned back like it was limbo, her white-hot knife raking across his shirt and leaving a smoking tear. Jackie moved further back, onto his hands, and performed a backflip onto the gleaming steel counter. Desperate, he grabbed a skillet in one hand and a spatula in another, wielding them almost like a sword and shield. As Ms. Takagi made another slice with her knife, Jackie blocked it with the pan, then caught the blade in one of the spatula's holes and tried to break her iron grip. Instead, the old woman's surprising strength sent the spatula across the room.
Skittering back, Jackie nearly fell into the sink, then smiled and seized the faucet head, pulling out the length of tube and cranking up the cold water. "Time to cool off," he told her, blasting her with a spray of icy cold water. Steam erupted out of the heated armor, and when Tohru's mother was stunned, Jackie kicked the knife out of her hands just in time for Tohru to catch his mother in a bear hug.
"LET GO OF ME!" Ms. Takagi screeched, struggling to let go as the spray continued. But Tohru would not. How ironic that the one time Tohru wanted to hug his mother the most was when she was possessed by a deity.
As she screeched, the door flew open, and Uncle burst into the kitchen with Jade and Daisuke at his heels. Triumphantly, Uncle held up the chi-o-matic in one hand and a crane feather in the other. "Uncle has removal spell!" he proudly declared, before beginning his chanting. "Theía Dýnami, Afíste Grígora! Theía Dýnami, Afíste Grígora!"
The chi-o-matic lit up and spun, and a beam of light fired directly at Ms. Takagi's face. Power began to flow out of her, a black stream leading directly into the device's containment jar, but Tohru's mother wouldn't go quietly.
"Old billy goat will not get the best of me!" Ms. Takagi screamed. She let loose a primal scream, and a wave of heat radiated out from around her. Tohru let go, aiming his hands directly into the frigid stream Jackie was still spraying, only for it to turn to steam as he tried. Every human in the room was drenched in sweat, and the chi-o-matic slipped right out of Uncle's hands, stopping mid-spell. With a wild screech, Tohru's mother leapt and tackled the entire group, sending them flying into the wall one by one. "Stay down if you know what's good for you!"
With a grunt, Ms. Takagi waddled over to the gleaming oven, still limping from her hurt foot. She punched a hole directly in the appliance and tore out a mass of wires, which wrapped around her arm like serpents. With a braying laugh, she began destroying the rest of the appliances around her. Wires, motors, and various bric-a-brac merged with her armor and formed into a smoother shape, much more sleek than her previous armor. Only the helmet remained the same.
"There," Ms. Takagi said with a satisfied smirk. "A perfect combination of old and new. As for the rest of you," she snarled, turning back to the group. "If you will not be my perfect family by choice, then I shall just have to use more forceful methods! I shall see the rest of you soon enough, but as for the junk seller-" she held up one arm, and the armor shifted around it, transforming into the barrel of a plasma rifle, "-it wasn't nice knowing you!"
The barrel fired a bright orange blast, and Jackie seized Uncle by the collar just in time to pull him out of the path of the superheated plasma. "Hot char!" Uncle screamed, moving to seize the chi-o-matic. He grabbed it just in time, but another shot from the cannon winged the device, burning the dial on top. Uncle pulled back before it could do worse, retreating from the room, and Tohru's mother chuckled.
"Old man runs like the malnourished turkey he is," Ms. Takagi laughed. "Goodbye for now, everyone. Mama has business to take care of." With that, a jetpack shot out of the back of her armor and lifted her into the air. With a mocking bow, she shot straight through the ceiling and zipped off into the night.
Everyone stared at the hole for about a minute before they found the power of speech again.
"What...was that?!" Daisuke demanded, looking at the Chans and Tohru. It was the first time the others had heard him raise his voice, and he obviously didn't do it often. It came out as more of a squeak than a roar.
"Do not worry," Tohru replied in a dismissive tone. "We will take care of it."
"Tch," Jade muttered. "How are we supposed to do that when we don't even know where she went?"
"Agreed," Uncle said as he stumbled back into the kitchen. "Shrieking hag gave us no clues to work with."
"She is still my mother, sensei," Tohru said, giving him an ugly look. "But she did mention wanting her 'perfect family'. But what could that mean?"
Jackie rubbed his chin in thought. "Godly essences tend to bond with a person with whom they resonate," he pondered aloud. "She must have had something in common with Hephaestus. But what?"
"Well, we got an expert just one phone call away," Jade pointed out. "Maybe Prometheus has some ideas."
Jackie sighed and pulled out his cell, selecting the Titan of Forethought from his contacts, and putting the phone on speaker mode. The answer came on the third ring.
"Deus Ex Machina consulting firm, Prometheus speaking."
"Hilarious," Jackie deadpanned. "Prometheus, we need your help."
"Obviously," Prometheus sighed. "Does Eris have the essence?"
"Nope," Jade told him. "Took care of her. It's in Tohru's mom."
Somehow the phone actually shuddered in Jackie's hand. "Ugh, there's an image I didn't need! Alright, so what's the problem? You know the removal spell, and Uncle knows the chi-o-matic better than I do. Wait, don't tell me - she ran off with the power, and now you can't find her?"
"Flew off with it, actually," Jackie said, sighing. "She didn't give us much to work with, so we thought you could divine some likely possibilities."
"Oh, sure, let me just get out my crystal ball and Tarot cards. I can't just build predictions out of thin air! How would I know what the woman wants?!"
"Well, she said something about wanting her 'perfect family', whatever that means," Jade said, glancing back at Tohru. "And the power activated right after she and Big T had a rip-roaring fight about her new boyfriend."
"Okay, now we're getting somewhere," Prometheus said with a chuckle. "Yes, I think I can figure this one out. Hephaestus was notoriously unlucky with family relationships. His mother abandoned him, his wife cheated on him with his brother, and his father was no help. Things got better for him after the divorce, but that kind of treatment tends to stick with you."
"That sounds awful," Daisuke commented, shaking his head.
"Eh, don't feel too sorry, whoever you are. He killed more than his share of mortals with volcanoes and wildfires. Anyway-"
"Wait, divorce?" Jade asked. "Hephaestus got divorced?"
"Yep, and remarried. Does that really matter?" Prometheus asked.
"Er…" Jade replied, recalling Tohru's story about his dad.
"It might, actually," Jackie said, thoughtfully. "After all, it seems like a very similar situation to what Ms. Takagi was going through. Would a greater amount of resonance have a stronger effect?"
"Maybe?" Prometheus answered uncertainly. "Keep in mind this is new territory for all of us. But I can hazard a guess that the emotional resonance will act something like a feedback loop; her emotions will trigger Hephaestus's dormant ones, which will fuel hers more, and so on. Not only will that make her harder to deal with, but it could cause some serious psychological damage if it's not stopped in time. Maybe actual brain damage."
"What?!" Daisuke screeched, his voice cracking from the strain.
"How do we prevent that?" Tohru asked, his voice somewhat frantic.
"Aside from just removing the powers? It might be worth it to actually try to talk her down this time, along with fighting. If you can deal with the emotions linking them, the snapback if she's depowered will be much less severe. But don't even start to ask me how. I'm a deity, not a therapist. And you've seen how bad I am at predicting the actions of irrational women. What I do know is what she's got planned."
"Which is…?" Jade asked.
Prometheus sighed. "Have you ever been to Pompeii, Jackie? It's a nice vacation spot, though the locals aren't much for conversation. You follow?"
Jackie raised an eyebrow. "Not at all."
"Think about it. Anything else?"
"Yes!" Uncle cried. "Spider woman has suit of powered armor! How do we fight that?"
"'Magic must defeat magic!'" Prometheus cried, in a spot-on Uncle impression. "Check Jade's backpack. Behind the overdue math worksheet."
"I can explain that!" Jade snapped.
"Good luck! Hestia and I are rooting for you!" With a click, the call ended.
"Does everything have to be a riddle with that guy?" Jade complained.
"You know Hestia's rules," Jackie sighed, shaking his head as he pocketed the phone. "Prometheus can prepare us, give us some advice, but he cannot hold our hands the whole way. What is the point in saving mankind if they cannot take care of themselves? But what do you have in your backpack?"
Jade shrugged. "Beats me. That thing's like a black hole for junk. See for yourself." She held out the bag and unzipped it. It was nearly bursting at the seams, and a wave of crumpled papers poured out. Most of them were marked with B's and C's. Along with those were notebooks, a copy of Nineteen Eighty-Four with the spine bent, five loose washable markers, a three-ring binder with nothing inside, a dozen loose mints, and a shoe too large to fit Jade's dainty feet.
Reaching in up to his elbow, Jackie fished around for anything unusual, and finally pulled out a metal box with a tag reading For Emergencies. "What's this?" he asked.
"Never seen it before," Jade told him. "Let's find out."
With great caution, Jackie held the box out and away, facing the wall, then closed his eyes and lifted the lid. There was a crash of metal tumbling to the floor.
"Hot cha!" Uncle marveled. "Uncle forgot all about that!"
Jackie opened his eyes and glanced at what was lying on the polished floor: a full suit of armor, complete with sword. The armor was of Chinese style, colored a dark blue with golden inlay and accents covering nearly every piece. Despite its rough landing, the armor was completely pristine, as though it had been forged just the day before. Alongside it was a gleaming double-edged sword with a gold hilt wrapped in brown leather. Though beautiful, it didn't appear to match the armor.
"The Armor of the Eight Immortals!" Jackie gasped. "I haven't seen it since-"
"Since it saved you from being cracked open like a walnut by Dai Gui?" Jade finished for him.
Jackie gave his niece a dismayed look. "You remember the names of the Demon Sorcerers but not to turn in your homework on time?" he asked.
"You and I have very different priorities," Jade told him, tilting her head. "Anyway, why didn't we use the Armor since? This would've saved our butts a hundred times over!"
Jackie thought about this. "I remember Uncle took it back to the shop for safekeeping and...that's it. Uncle, what happened?"
"Uncle was creating banishing spells for demon sorcerers left and right!" the old wizard snapped. "Cannot keep track of every iron in fire! One more thing! Uncle doesn't remember anyone else bringing up armor!"
"You said we had to do research!" Jackie argued. "That we couldn't just use such a powerful artifact again unless we knew more about it!"
"Did it always have a sword?" Tohru asked, breaking up the argument as he pointed at the weapon beside the armor.
"No," Jackie told him, eyeing the sword, "but it does look familiar…"
"Is the same sword we used to banish Shendu!" Uncle pointed out, picking up the sword to examine it. He ran his finger down the flat of the blade, which was lined with Greek letters. "But with new magic runes…"
"Is anybody going to explain what is going on here?!" Daisuke demanded.
"Probably not," Jade said with a shrug. "So, we got the tools. Now how do we find this bad Mama jamma?"
Jackie scratched his head. "Prometheus mentioned Pompeii," he said, more to himself than anyone else. "Famous site of a volcanic eruption…"
"Do you think she is approaching a volcano?" Tohru asked.
"Volcanoes are under purview of Hephaestus," Uncle commented. "But what could possessed maniac be planning that would give her perfect family?"
Jackie continued to think, still talking to himself. "Pompeii was a treasure to archaeologists because of how well-preserved the city was after the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius. People were killed almost instantly, encased in tephra, and buried following the pyroclastic flow...oh, no! Oh no!"
The entire room snapped their heads in Jackie's direction, eyes wide. "What?" Uncle demanded.
"It-it can't be this insane! Tohru's mother couldn't possibly be that destructive!" Jackie kept muttering to himself.
Jade rolled her eyes. "Quit freaking out and tell us what's up!" she snapped.
"If I'm right, Ms. Takagi intends to make sure her family never leaves her again," Jackie replied, his voice frantic, "by recreating Pompeii! She's going to force an eruption and petrify everyone in Japan!"
Tohru gasped. "Kintsugi...she wants to repair our broken pieces by sealing usin volcanic ash…" he whispered, his eyes going wide.
"And witch would only go for the biggest and the best. Which means…" Uncle trailed off. As one, the entire group turned to look in the direction of one of Japan's most iconic landmarks.
"Mt. Fuji," Daisuke finished, before his eyes rolled back into his head and he fainted dead away into Tohru's arms.
"...Took longer than I was expecting," Jade muttered, looking down at the unconscious man and shaking her head.
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As Eris's chariot tore through the sky, the vehicle was suddenly blitzed by a fiery blur heading in the opposite direction. Eris's head did a full 180, making a loud cracking sound as she yanked her steeds' reins. The storm spirits whinnied with a sound like television static and turned in midair.
"What was that?" Kasahara asked, clinging to the chariot's rails.
"Well, it's either a meteorite, or the new god of fire," Vanessa replied, rolling her eyes. "What do you think?"
"Could Hephaestus fly?" Zhixin asked, staring at the fiery comet ahead of them.
"Not on his own," Eris replied. "But with the right equipment, which he could easily build…come to think of it, why haven't you built flying gear yet? I'm tired of lugging you lugs around all the time!"
"And how, exactly, are we supposed to do that?" Vanessa asked. "You told us you would start teaching us magic after the Hera heist, but since then all you've done is buy more knick knacks for the lair and watch television!"
"Hey, a girl's gotta watch her stories!" Eris shot back. "And I gave you guys training kits!"
"Which would be far more helpful if they weren't written in Greek!" Zhixin retorted. "Ancient wisdom; the most learned scribe cannot decipher the crow's scrawl unaided."
"Fine! I'll fix them when we get back, okay? Ugh! You're so needy!" Eris growled, crossing her arms and turning up her nose. Thankfully, the chariot remained level, but seeing his mistress drop the reins made Kasahara's face turn paper-white.
"W-where do you think she is going, Lady Eris?" the fold-up man inquired, desperately trying to get her attention as the vehicle undulated in the December winds.
"Hm, where could the essence of the volcano god be headed?" Eris snapped back, putting her hands at her sides. "Get your head in the game, Kasahara! Your brain must have thawed by now! Problem is, she's a little fast for me. I think I might have to lose some ballast…"
Her henchpeople exchanged looks of concern. "She doesn't mean…?" Zhixin asked.
"I do," Eris confirmed without looking back. "Besides, you have a more important job! Take care of Chan for me! He'll be headed for us, I'm sure!"
Then, without a second thought, the Goddess of Discord kicked her leg behind her, knocking all three of her enforcers off the chariot. Fortunately for them, said leg also curled in on itself beneath them, forming a cushion as they "gently" dropped to the ground.
"Ugh, this makes my bones ache in all the wrong places," Eris groaned, staring at her extended leg. "And I have to translate all those training kits afterwards? The things I do for quality help."
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"Hot cha!" Uncle cried, startling Jackie as he pulled into the parking lot. Kyoto's bullet train station loomed before them, a sparkling-clean building of steel and glass. Normally it would be stuffed to the gills, but at this late hour on New Year's Eve, people were mostly where they wanted to be. "Uncle has deciphered inscriptions!"
"What do they say, sensei?" Tohru asked, staring at the Greek letters on the sword.
"Is protection spell, granting resistance to impact," Uncle told him. "Will be excellent tool for battling swamp witch, but Armor's mysteries still elude Uncle…"
"We will have to make do," Jackie told him, throwing open the door of the car they'd "borrowed" from Ms. Takagi. "We already know some of its powers. It will have to be enough. But it will all be useless if we cannot catch Ms. Takagi!"
"Oh, Mommy…" Tohru lamented as he eased himself out of the backseat, tossing the Armor of the Eight Immortals over one shoulder. This was all his fault; bad enough to have an argument with her, but so blinded by rage that he didn't notice that he left the deadly hammer hosting the power of a Greek god where his mother could pick it up? That was just plain foolish of him.
Uncle heaved a deep sigh as he followed his former apprentice. "We will save her, Tohru," he said, dropping his cranky tone. "And all of Japan, too."
"Now, let's get our tickets," Jackie said, holding the door for the others. "Tohru, you said we need to take the Hikari line to Mishima, right?"
"Taken care of," said a voice in front of the group.
Jackie cast his gaze down and found Jade sitting in a chair, tickets in hand. "Jade?!" he exclaimed. "I told you to stay with Daisuke!"
"I did!" Jade told him. She pointed to a chair in the corner, where Daisuke was indeed sitting. He still looked stressed and confused, but less so, and was clutching a small bag to his chest.
"Ai-yah!" Uncle cried. "You dragged fishmonger into this?!"
"Actually, she followed me," Daisuke said calmly. "Shizu is an important part of my life, and I could never live with myself if I did not help her in this difficult time."
"I brought him up to speed on the way here," Jade reported. "At least he paid for our tickets."
"This seems extremely unwise," Tohru said, his voice calm on the surface but with audible strain. "Unless he is able to fight, he will just slow us down."
"I can take care of myself," Daisuke responded stiffly. "And more importantly, if what that strange man said over the phone was right, I need to be here. In case you have not noticed, I am the only one that has not yet earned her wrath."
"I am her son," Tohru grunted. "And I will talk her down."
"Why are you so uncomfortable around me?" the old man asked, raising an eyebrow. "Is it because you think that I am taking your mother away from you?"
Tohru glared at his mother's boyfriend and refused to answer. With a screech, the train arrived before them, a gleaming marvel of technology. Its doors flew open, and a meager few people disembarked, all either too busy or too drunk to notice the motley crew about to board. Tohru grunted and carried the armor onto the train, with Uncle and Jackie right behind him.
"Or...is it that you think she may still reunite with your father?" Daisuke asked, boarding along with Jade. The train's interior was a long line of cushioned blue seats, three to a row on one side and two on the other, not unlike an airplane. The chairs even had meal trays that folded up into the backs of the chairs in front of them.
Tohru stopped short in the aisle, and Uncle bumped into him, flying backwards into Jackie's arms. "Do not talk about him!" the giant roared.
Daisuke, surprisingly enough, barely reacted, although his expression softened. "Forgive me if that was a touchy subject, Tohru. This whole magic situation is weighing on me. But I think part of the reason this happened is because you and Shizu still haven't quite let go of the past. Don't you two want to be happy?"
"And our happiness depends upon letting you into our lives?" Tohru scoffed, glaring at Daisuke before stalking away down the aisle. Daisuke, sighing, followed him.
The floor shifted as the train began to move. Everyone scrambled to grab a seat. Jackie and Uncle sat side by side, Tohru took up the three seats behind them, Jade made it to the other side of Tohru's row, and Daisuke ended up on Tohru's leg.
"Of course not," the old Japanese man said. "It depends upon letting people make their own choices. I know you have long felt that you were all that your mother had, and I am sure that she guilted you over it. But getting upset is not helping anyone." He reached into a small bag he had been holding and pulled out a familiar object. It was one of the bowls from the dining room, a beautiful blue pattern lined with gold.
"Try and remember the spirit of kintsugi, Tohru," Daisuke said with a smile. "The trauma is all part of the story, but it can make things more beautiful than ever if you take the time to make the best of it. When my own dear wife passed, I thought that the world had ended. I pushed everyone I loved away. But eventually I came to realize that that was only making things worse. I had to move on, remember all the things I still had, and let myself heal in my own time."
"I have suffered no such loss," Tohru growled, folding his arms.
"Ah, but you have, and so has your mother. When she and your father separated, she-"
"Became more heartless and controlling than ever," Tohru interrupted. "It wasn't until my adulthood that I finally regained a proper relationship with her. It was her dominating and frigid nature that made my father leave!"
Daisuke sighed and shook his head. "That is only half the truth, Tohru," he said.
Tohru raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice softening.
"Your mother always acted the way she did because of her upbringing. As a child, she had to remain stoic and disciplined at all times, lest she bring shame to her family. Her time with your father was happy, at first, but do you not know how they came to be together?"
Tohru nodded. "They met at one of Father's sumo matches," he said.
"That is indeed where they first met in person," Daisuke replied, "but it was not love at first sight. The two were betrothed by their parents. A rising sumo wrestler and the daughter of one of the oldest and most dignified families in Japan seemed a good match. And they got on fine, for a time. But yes, your mother's controlled and irritable nature strained the relationship, even more so after they brought you into the world. Your father traveled to distant tournaments to spend time away from her. But it was he who did something unforgivable."
Tohru glared down at the old Japanese man, who was still fondling the gold-lined bowl. "And what was that?" he said, barely over a whisper.
"He was...unfaithful."
"Whoa," Jade whispered. "Plot twist!"
"Please keep quiet, Jade," Jackie instructed. "This is a very personal conversation for Tohru."
Daisuke let out another sigh and continued. "It broke your mother's heart. For all the difficulties of the marriage, she still tried to be a good wife before that. But when she found out, it rocked her to her core. She told me that, at the time, she had wondered if she'd ever love again. Your father showed no regret, and left. After a while he barely kept in touch with either of you."
"That's a lie!" Tohru roared. "My father loved us! It was Mother who-"
"Who tried to keep a safe home for you," Daisuke interrupted. "She never let you know just what had happened. She did not think you would understand at your young age, and it was so painful to discuss. She grew colder, it is true, but she was so hard on you because she never wanted you to grow up to feel the humiliation she did. I respect your memories of your father, and I will not try to take his place. But I refuse to apologize for making Shizu feel love again, and it is selfish of you to have a problem with that."
"My problem," Tohru grunted, "is that I thought my mother was finally treating me like an adult, and then she kept such an important change a secret from me!"
"Oh, poor baby," came a voice from the end of the car, dripping with sarcasm. "But I'm sure we'll have you crying for mummy again soon enough."
Everyone's head flew around. Vanessa had strolled into the car, followed by Zhixin and Kasahara.
"Ancient wisdom," Zhixin wheezed. "The calf that never stops suckling becomes veal."
"Oh, not you three again!" Jade complained. "Didn't we kick your butts bad enough the last time?"
"And what success comes from staying down, child?" Kasahara sneered.
"Uh...not getting 'em kicked again?" Jade answered. "Come on, Jackie, let's whoop 'em!" She jumped over the back of her chair, but Jackie was even faster, snatching her from midair and tossing her onto his old seat.
"Stay put!" Jackie told her, taking a defensive stance in the aisle.
"Awww…"
Tohru grunted and lifted Daisuke over to join Jade and Uncle, but couldn't seem to rise to his full height. "I think I'm stuck," he groaned. "Why do they always make these seats so small?"
"This is our chance!" Kasahara laughed. "Chan-Jackie-Chan, your time has come!" The fold-up man morphed and shifted into a paper spider and crawled up the wall. Zhixin sprouted an extra set of arms and climbed on top of a row of seats, and Vanessa stayed back and brandished her whip, finally uncurled from Uncle's spell.
Zhixin struck first, firing a pair of blasts Jackie's way, but Jackie leaned back and left them to strike the seats behind him. Vanessa hurled her whip at Jackie's feet, but he jumped up and avoided it, where he was caught by a couple of Kasahara's legs. The paper spider tried to jab at Jackie's neck, but Jackie leaned forward and wrestled himself free, planting himself on top of a chair across from Zhixin. The old monk snarled and pounced with all four arms out, but Jackie was just as fast, delivering a flying kick that sent Zhixin crashing into the wall of the train.
"Should we help him?" Daisuke asked, watching Jackie dodge another strike from Vanessa's whip.
Uncle delivered a two-fingered smack to the man's forehead, then pulled out his spell kit from underneath the Armor. "Jackie can fight for himself. Help Uncle whip up spell for emergency!"
"You are just tiring yourself, Chan-Jackie-Chan!" Kasahara sneered from the ceiling, lunging with two of his sharp-edged legs. Jackie pressed himself to the wall, then slid down into a row of seats, and Kasahara began to slice at the headrests. "There is nowhere to run this time, and it is three against one!"
The sharpened spider legs inched ever closer to Jackie, just inches away from slicing into his chest, when Jade leapt out of her seat and rummaged through a nearby snack cart. Grabbing what she needed, she took aim and fired. "Soak it up, Origami!" she cried, spraying him with the contents of a water bottle.
Immediately, Kasahara's torso went limp, and he collapsed to the floor of the train in human form. Enraged, he leaped at Jade, but she pushed the entire cart at him, sending him skidding back into Vanessa. Annoyed, his cohort tossed him aside and jumped on top of the cart, then leapt at Jackie with a high-heeled boot. Jackie popped up and caught her by the ankle, then threw her into the next row of seats. Her whip flew out and caught Jackie at the wrist, but he yanked her back and punched her in the chest, seizing the weapon from her hands as he did.
In a flash, Zhixin was behind Jackie, wrapping the whip around his neck and using all four arms to choke him out. "Ancient wisdom," he snarled, "even the mighty whale must surface for air." Vanessa leapt over and joined the monk in strangling Jackie with a wicked smirk.
Jade let out a yell and drop-kicked Vanessa in the face, knocking her head into the wall. "Ladies can't keep their hands off you, huh?" she told her uncle. In the moment of distraction, though, Zhixin blasted her across the train and she hit the floor with a groan.
Enraged, Jackie cracked his head backwards and nearly broke the old monk's nose. He freed himself of the strangling whip and gasped for air, defenseless as a recovered Kasahara crawled across the wall, back in spider form. The fold-up man lunged, seizing Jackie by the waist. The spider head folded back to Kasahara's normal face, grinning ear to ear. "Simply slitting your throat is too good for you, Chan-Jackie-Chan!" he boasted. "I have something far more painful in mind."
Binding Jackie in his middle four legs, Kasahara made his way to the side wall of the train and slashed at the wall with his front legs. A large section fell away, exposing the train's interior to the frigid night air. The scenery was practically a blur as the train raced along its track. Jackie cried in pain as Kasahara began to constrict his grip. "Once I have broken your bones, Chan-Jackie-Chan, I shall leave you to freeze! At this time on New Year's Eve, you will never be found in time, and your family will be trapped aboard this train with us!"
"No!" Jade cried, throwing herself at the Japanese thief, banging her fists against him, but Vanessa seized the child with a crack of her whip.
"Sit back and enjoy the show, dear," Vanessa sneered, seizing Jade in a choke hold.
"Big T! Uncle! Do something!" Jade squealed, watching with terror as Kasahara began to crush Jackie in his grip.
Tohru continued to strain against the tight squeeze of his seat, straining and huffing. "How can a country famous for its sumo wrestlers have such tiny seats?!" he demanded, still struggling.
"Just blast Origami, already, Uncle!" Jade screamed.
"Uncle can't!" the old man told her, wildly mixing ingredients. "If Uncle strikes now, Jackie will go flying! Must complete spell, but ingredient is missing!"
"What is it?" Daisuke asked, staring as Uncle worked.
"Something sticky!" Uncle shot back.
Daisuke's eyes flew to the snack cart. With surprising agility for a man his age, he dashed at it. Zhixin tried to cut him off with a blast, but the old Japanese man ducked it and threw himself at the cart, quickly digging out a plastic package and tossing it Uncle's way. "Mochi!" he shouted. "Will that do?"
"Hot cha!" Uncle ripped open the package and dumped in the sweet mashed rice treat, stirring quickly. The potion began to glow pink, and Uncle carefully poured it into a vial. With that, Uncle raised his blowfish. "Are you ready, Tohru?"
Tohru nodded, raising his own blowfish, but soon found yet another problem with being stuck. No matter how he held himself, he couldn't seem to point the fish in the right direction. "I...I cannot aim!" he complained.
"I can!" Daisuke said, ducking behind the cart to avoid another of Zhixin's blasts.
Tohru gritted his teeth, but tossed his blowfish to his mother's boyfriend. "Get ready to aim and fire!" he instructed. "Repeat after me: Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!"
Daisuke nodded and popped up, staring the old monk directly in the eyes. "Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" he chanted. "Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!" The blowfish glowed green, and a powerful blast sent Zhixin sprawling. Simultaneously, Uncle fired his own blowfish directly into Vanessa's face. The mercenary staggered, and Jade broke free.
"Jade!" Uncle shouted, tossing her the vial of potion. "Splash this onto Jackie! Uncle will cover you!"
Jade nodded and ducked under a swing of Vanessa's fist, sprinting toward her uncle's side. As if he was in a shooting gallery, Uncle prepared his blowfish and fired a blast of chi magic. Jade tossed the vial's contents all over Jackie, and he was surrounded by a faint pinkish glow for just a few seconds. At the same time, Uncle's blast struck Kasahara directly in the back, and the fold-up man and Jackie were both blown out of the hole in the train.
"Jackie!" Uncle screamed. "Grab side of train!"
As Jackie flew out, he desperately grabbed on to the smooth surface of the bullet train, hoping to find something to grasp. To his surprise, his hands and feet stuck to it easily as if he had suction cups glued onto his body. He scuttled over back towards the interior of the train, trying to catch his breath.
"Why can't we ever have a quiet train ride?" Jackie panted. In spite of his sticky hands, moving was still a struggle due to the huge gusts of winds generated from the train's speed. In addition, the freezing cold was already starting to turn his fingers blue. As he approached the opening, though, he was swatted aside by a spindly paper leg.
"I am not yet finished with you, Chan-Jackie-Chan!" Kasahara roared. His body was still in spider form, his face awkwardly and grotesquely placed upon its head. He scurried over to Jackie, slicing with his front legs, piercing more holes into the metal to keep himself in place, while Jackie did his best to rush away. Jackie crawled upward, to the top of the train and, with a deep breath, pushed himself to his feet. The winds were so strong that they nearly knocked him back down again, but he managed to take a fighting stance, planting his feet firmly on the roof of the train. Kasahara joined him momentarily, but Jackie was relieved to see that the winds were no friendlier to the thief than they were to him. Not only was the wind buffeting him about, but his paper form was barely holding itself together. Clearly, any shape shifting would be the push to send him flying off the train.
Jackie ran at the thief, fists out, but Kasahara flattened himself as much as he could, and Jackie passed over him. Jackie turned on his heel and leapt for a flying kick, but failed to calculate the speed of the train moving beneath him. Kasahara didn't even have to move to dodge it, and Jackie was thrown back even further from the thief. Kasahara staggered forward, front legs out, ready to slice Jackie in half, but Jackie grabbed the legs and held them off with all of his strength. "BadyearbadyearBADYEAR!" he cried as the thief began to overpower him.
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Meanwhile, Zhixin and Daisuke continued their Old West-style shootout in the bullet train's interior, slowly but surely wiping out the chairs, and therefore their only cover. Furthermore, one of them held a clear advantage.
"Ancient wisdom," Zhixin bragged, "the gentle dove is easy prey to the hawk."
The old monk spread his four arms wide, charging up separate blasts, and it was all that Daisuke could do to dive behind more seats, which Zhixin quickly blew apart. Daisuke fired his own feeble beam, but Zhixin overwhelmed it with the full force of his own blasts, sending Daisuke flying toward the back of the car, his blowfish falling from his grip and rolling into the corner. A moment later, Zhixin had obliterated it. As he advanced to finish the old Japanese man, Uncle raised his own blowfish and hit the monk in the side, slowing him down.
"Modern wisdom: Respect your elders!" Uncle snapped.
"Ugh, this is getting tiresome!" Vanessa growled. With a snap of her wrist, her whip struck Uncle's blowfish, sending it flying into the air. Uncle tried to grab it, but Vanessa was too quick, seizing it with her whip and throwing it out of the hole in the train.
"Ai-yah!" Uncle cried. "You will pay for that!"
"Just finish this, Zhixin!" Vanessa ordered. "Take the wizard first. I can handle one old man yammering, but not two."
Zhixin made a face, but charged up four more blasts, taking aim at Uncle.
Jade's eyes went wide as she checked out her surroundings. Her eyes flew back to the concession cart. "Daisuke!" she called. "Time for a snack attack!"
Daisuke raised an eyebrow, but then smiled, pushing the cart with all his might. It went careening down the aisle, smacking Zhixin in the chest and sending his attack off-course. Instead, it struck the back of Tohru's seats, breaking them apart. With a roar, Tohru emerged from his ergonomic prison. He swatted Zhixin into the wall, and the old monk slumped over in pain.
"You guys make a good team," Jade said with a smile. Daisuke laughed, but Tohru wouldn't meet Daisuke's eyes. The giant just charged down the aisle, sending the cart flying with one swat of his hand, determined to take out Vanessa, but the mercenary was resourceful. She cracked her whip and wrapped it around Jade's arms, reeling in the child and holding her tight. Tohru stopped in his tracks as she moved closer.
"That's it, back away," Vanessa jeered as Uncle, Daisuke, and Tohru's eyes burned with rage. "Now, I'll offer you a choice. See that hole?" she said, indicating to the hole in the train with her prominent chin. "I'll make you a deal: You all jump out of it, and I'll toss the brat out to you. Nobody gets hurt, and Eris gets the power. Or I could be a little rougher. What do you say?"
"Oh, when I get my hands on you…!" Jade snapped. She wriggled and writhed, but Vanessa held her tight, and the others were too afraid to move. "Come on, guys! Jackie needs us!"
Uncle stared at his spell ingredients. He was safely hidden (for the moment) behind Tohru's broad back, but time was of the essence. The only spell he had prepared at the moment was to exorcise the power of Hephaestus from Ms. Takagi. He had the sword, but he couldn't possibly wield it well enough to defeat Vanessa, especially with Jade's life hanging in the balance. His hands shook with a mixture of rage and worry. Jade was in the hands of a maniac, and the only other thing he had was…
"Hot cha!" he whispered, subtly slipping his legs into the armor. Quietly as he could, he followed suit with the chestplate and sleeves, then the helmet. He just had to hope it would work.
With a grunt, Uncle sprang from his seat, the armor shifting as he moved, transforming from a series of metal pieces into a smooth, skintight suit, almost like a wetsuit. Immediately Uncle could feel himself getting stronger, faster, tougher. It was incredible.
Confidence renewed, he placed a hand on Tohru's back and leapfrogged over him, hurtling into Vanessa. In the brief moment of shock that registered on the mercenary's face, Jade slipped out of her grasp and rolled out of the way of Uncle's attack, and Uncle sent Vanessa flying with one punch. Vanessa hit the back of the train car and didn't move.
"Why didn't we use this thing more often?" Jade asked, staring at Uncle in his new battlesuit. However, she then let out a shiver when she looked more closely. "Oh, right…" she muttered. Between the skintight armor accentuating his twiglike muscles to the helmet almost completely encasing his head, Uncle looked less like a warrior and more like a skeleton.
"Talk later!" Uncle said. "Right now, one more thing!"
With one carefully calculated leap, Uncle flew all the way across the train, parrying Zhixin's intended sneak attack and delivering his signature two-fingered strike to Zhixin's forehead, which this time was strong enough to knock out the monk. With a smile, Uncle tossed Zhixin out the same way as Vanessa. "That takes care of that!" Uncle said with a smug grin.
"What about uncle Jackie?" Jade demanded. "You got any more of that potion?"
Uncle's eyebrows shot up. "No!" he exclaimed. "And Uncle used last duck foot in that batch! We need plan quickly! Potion will wear off any minute!"
"It is that brief?!" Tohru gasped.
"Mochi was dusted with flour!" Uncle replied. "Weakened the spell! But what can we do? Armor is strong, but it cannot fly!"
As if on cue, the back of the armor seemed to twitch before sprouting four magnificent dragonfly wings, already vibrating. Before Uncle could react, he was hovering above the floor.
"...wow, this thing has everything!" Jade said, her eyes wide. Tohru, equally stunned, just nodded.
Strangely enough, Daisuke was the only one who seemed unaffected, simply picking up the enchanted sword and handing it to Uncle. "Hurry and get out there!" he shouted, snapping Uncle out of his stupor.
"Right!" Uncle replied, before flying out the massive hole and zipping up to the roof, where Kasahara was still bearing down on Jackie. At the sound of wings, Kasahara looked up, his face twisting in surprise.
"What in the-" was all the thief had time to say before Uncle slammed into him with his shoulder, knocking him off of Jackie. As the spider reeled back, a few precise swings of the sword separated Kasahara's body from his legs, sending the paper man flying off the train and into the distance.
"...Huh?" Jackie said, staring at Uncle's triumphant form. Unfortunately, that was also the moment when his feet detached from the roof of the train, sending him slamming into Uncle's back. "Uncle?!" he exclaimed, latching on to the old man's torso. "The armor can fly?!"
"This is why we do research!" Uncle yelled back. "Now hold on!"
The armor's wings began beating again, and Jackie shifted his grip down to Uncle's waist as the old man lifted into the air, carrying his nephew and himself back into the train. He set his nephew down roughly and stood beside Tohru.
"Does this happen to you a lot?" Daisuke asked, dreading the answer.
"More than I would like," Jackie told him.
"Tch," Jade sighed. "Speak for yourself."
"Those three appearing mean Eris must be nearby," Uncle pointed out. "You must prepare yourselves for exorcism spell. You will need to jump off when train is closest to Mt. Fuji. I will try to intercept magic burping lady."
"Are you sure about this, sensei?" Tohru asked. "Eris still has many tricks, and you are leaving us with your supplies."
"You are a full-fledged chi wizard, Tohru," Uncle said proudly. Daisuke smiled, but Tohru rolled his eyes. "Uncle trusts you. And Eris is going to get a piece of Uncle!"
With that, the old man leapt out of the hole in the train and buzzed out of sight.
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The frozen mouth of the volcano neared as Eris's chariot finally pulled up alongside the fiery streak that was her quarry. "You really seem to know what you're doing there!" she complimented, staring at the small and squat Japanese woman currently hosting Hephaestus's power. "And you've had the power for, what, an hour now? Not too shabby!"
"Get lost or get fried, tourist!" Ms. Takagi snapped, sparks flying from her strange "beard". "I have a date with a volcano!"
"I had a date with a volcano once," Eris sighed. "Then Zeus threw it on top of a monster. But that's neither here nor there. Thing is, you have something that belongs to me. Hand it over and I'd be happy to make that eruption for you! What do you say?"
"Forget it!" Ms. Takagi answered. "If I want the job done right, I have to do it myself! This eruption requires precision and calculated trajectories, and I won't trust it to a stranger!"
Eris pinched the bridge of her nose, accidentally pulling it off of her face. She quickly reattached it and glared at Tohru's mom. "Listen, lady, I'm trying to be polite, which is always a grind for me. You can either hand over the power of Hephaestus or I can take it by force. What'll it be?"
"You think you can defeat me in my element?" Ms. Takagi laughed as the volcano drew near. "You don't have a prayer!"
"Oh, you possessed humans are always so cute!" Eris chuckled, cracking the reins of her chariot. "Try facing a few thousand years of experience!"
Eris rushed the old woman, but Shizu retaliated by twirling her flaming sword. The storm spirits made a frightened sound like heavy rain on a tin roof and backed away from the blade, and Eris was thrown back. Annoyed, Eris produced a javelin and aimed it at Ms. Takagi, throwing her weight into the strike, but Ms. Takagi parried and buzzed behind the Goddess of Discord, cackling as she swiped her sword. Eris's head was severed from her neck, but she caught it and quickly reattached it...backwards. "I am so not in the mood tonight!" the goddess growled.
"Then get out of my way!" Ms. Takagi responded, sending out burning shards of metal with a swing of her blade. Twisting her head back around, Eris opened her mouth wider than the length of her body, absorbing all of the shards before closing. After a few seconds, the goddess spat out a flock of canaries, albeit ones made out of living gold.
"What the-?" Ms. Takagi gasped. "But metal is my domain!"
"Heh, moron," Eris scoffed. "You think I wouldn't be able to use my auntie's spell as more than just a giant suction pump? If you won't give it up the easy way, I'll suck down your power attack by attack until you're too weak to fight! Now then," she continued, her hair starting to glow, "let's get cooking!"
Immediately, her rat's nest of curls twisted into a massive cannon, which proceeded to launch bolts of molten metal. As they grew closer, Ms. Takagi stretched out her sword, which reshaped itself into a massive net and wrapped around the bolts, stopping them in place. Unfortunately for her, that was when they exploded, knocking her backwards.
Enraged, Ms. Takagi snarled and rocketed herself toward the chariot, upending it and seizing Eris by the neck of her dress. "The power is mine!" she snapped. "It wants me, and it will stay that way!" Indeed, a wisp of black leaked out of Eris, and her hair returned to normal.
"Looks like I'll have to take it all at once!" Eris growled, before stretching out her tongue and wrapping it around Ms. Takagi's body. "Pop quiz; how many licks does it take to get to the center of a wannabe goddess?" she asked, a second mouth growing on her forehead to allow her to talk properly.
"You can't possibly be seri-" Ms. Takagi began to say, only to scream as Eris released her tongue, leading to Ms. Takagi rapidly spinning through the air.
"Learned that trick from my hired help," Eris said, retracting her tongue and floating over to her dazed opponent. "And now for the main attraction!" she continued, raising her hands and beginning a chant.
Ms. Takagi started to glow black, and wisps of inky energy began to flow toward Eris. Just before they reached, though, a streak of blue pushed the goddess back, throwing her into her chariot.
"Uncle suggests we skip to grand finale!" the old man cried, slashing at the reins of Eris's chariot. The storm spirits flew free, and Eris began to plummet, screaming all the way to the ground as her steeds raced after her.
Ms. Takagi barely reacted to the violence. She just sneered at Uncle, eyeing his new suit of armor. "So, the junk seller found a knock-off of my suit?" she jeered.
"Uncle's is far superior!" Uncle bragged, raising his sword.
"We shall see!" Ms. Takagi snapped. She swiped her own sword, and Uncle ducked and struck back with his. Ms. Takagi went spinning off, but shot a plasma blast in his direction while turning her attention back to Mt. Fuji. "Hm. I don't have time for this, billy goat. I have a family to bring together," she said as she shot to the mountain on the horizon.
Uncle growled and followed her, putting on a burst of speed. They were quickly approaching the mountain. Uncle moved to ram Ms. Takagi, but she saw him coming and buzzed higher, ascending into the clouds above. Uncle held his breath and passed through them himself. He could see the mountain's peak now, a flat top capped by snow and ice. He could see Ms. Takagi making her way to the rim. She blasted down, melting a huge circle of ice all around her.
"Back off, billy goat!" Ms. Takagi snapped. She raised her arms and sent waves of heat radiating out, slowly melting the mountain's cap. "This is your last warning! Armor or not, you will not survive!"
"How many times must Uncle ask?" Uncle said with an exasperated sigh. He lifted his sword, displaying the glowing golden runes. "You want a piece of Uncle?"
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"Man, I thought we'd never get out of those woods!" Jade sighed with relief as their snowmobiles zipped across the landscape. The imposing form of Mt. Fuji loomed before the group.
"The way this night was going, I was expecting a full-on yokai parade!" Daisuke cried, clinging tight to Jackie's back.
Jade laughed. "Did you hear that, T?" she chuckled from her perch on the giant's shoulder, flicking a thumb in Daisuke's direction. "This guy believes in yokai!"
"Do not jinx it," Tohru growled. "The night is not yet over, and the last thing we need is a hyakki yagyo on our heels."
Jackie said nothing, focused on the task ahead. Luckily, the team had prepared themselves. Knowing both the distance between the train line and the mountain, and just how difficult it would have been to climb, they had packed Prometheus's magic box with their transportation, and Tohru had bewitched the snowmobiles to hover a few inches above the ground. Without friction, they had been making great time, at least until they had to navigate the Sea of Trees surrounding the mountain's slopes. "Here comes the hardest part!" Jackie warned as they reached the base of the mountain. There was a small group of tourists there, and stands selling fireworks. "Tohru, get ready to drop Jade off!"
Tohru nodded and reached up to grab Jade by the jacket, but the girl held the giant's neck tight with one hand. To Tohru's surprise, he couldn't seem to displace her hand no matter how hard he tried. If he kept tugging, he might tear off her arms, or she might take a couple pieces of him with her. With a groan, he released his young friend, knowing that she had a smug grin the whole time.
"Sticktoitiveness!" Jade laughed, holding up a now-empty vial that still had a slightly pink glow. "You're not leaving me behind again!"
Tohru just shook his head. "Sorry, Jackie," he said with a shrug. Jackie just sighed and did his best to steer over the rocks as he brainstormed punishments for when this was over.
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Mt. Fuji's cap grew thinner and more brittle by the second as Tohru's mother cranked up the heat that radiated out of her. Uncle did his best to keep her at sword's length as they dueled over the volcano, but, as he already knew, Ms. Takagi was relentless. Every move was pure, rage-fueled attack. She didn't seem to have a care for her safety as she lunged and thrusted her blade, swung her fists, fired her plasma cannon, and blasted toward the old man.
To his credit, Uncle was no slouch, dodging and hovering, but Ms. Takagi never seemed to fall for his countermaneuvers. If he dodged her tackle and tried to swipe her side, she rolled away. If he rolled back and tried to stab her with his sword, she kicked at his wrist. The minutes kept ticking by, and Uncle knew that every second lost was another second closer to the end of Japan itself as the ice wore away beneath them.
"You always did know how to wear things down!" Uncle jeered, watching as the ice thinned.
"You will not be missed in my new world!" Ms. Takagi screeched. "None will mourn you and your trash collection!" As she spoke, the mountain began to rumble. She drove her sword deep into the ice, and the last of it thawed away, exposing the full, gaping maw of the volcano. Smoke was pouring out as the pressure began to build. Strangely, though, Uncle could see no reaction from the specks on the ground representing people.
"Ha! You think I'm as blind as you?" Ms. Takagi sneered at Uncle's confused expression. "With my powers, disguising my progress is effortless! Besides, I'm trying to build a new world; I can hardly have my subjects cowering in fear when they are preserved!"
"Whoa, still life in obsidian!" a familiar voice cried out. "That's probably the only kind of 'still' I can get behind!" Before either of the fighters could react, they were blitzed by a powerful blast of wind, tumbling head over heels through the sky. As they righted themselves, they noticed Eris mounted on one of her storm spirits, looking none the worse for wear for her sudden fall.
"You again!" Ms. Takagi groaned. "What will it take to get you out of here?! I have important things to do!"
"Look, I like mass human extinction as much as the next deity," Eris sighed, leaning on her neck of her steed, "but after all those millennia locked in an amphora, I'm afraid watching someone else do it just won't scratch that itch. But if you give it to me now, I promise I'll preserve a nice subsection of humanity for you. It'll be a sweet little family scene; hell, I'll give you ten! You can line them up in your yard like lawn gnomes! How's that sound?" the goddess asked hopefully.
"Like cheap consolation prize!" Ms. Takagi snapped. She swiped her sword and a tongue of flame flew out. Eris's steed whinnied and bucked, but Eris held tight, stroking the creature's neck.
"It's alright, girl," Eris said in a soothing voice, calming the spirit. Reassured, it charged into battle, only for the armored Uncle to swat her over the side of the mountain.
"Three is a crowd!" Uncle huffed. Still energized, he charged Ms. Takagi, and they crossed blades. The heat radiated from both the old woman and the volcano was sweltering. Uncle's armor suddenly grew a mask to protect the old man's face.
With the newfound protection, Uncle started regaining his advantage, swinging his weapon with raw power and forcing Ms. Takagi to the edge of the peak, only for her to let out a kiai and ignite flames all over her body. She planted her feet and threw Uncle off of her, then charged him with her elbow out. Uncle flew to the rim of the volcano, flailing his arms to avoid falling in, and Ms. Takagi took the opportunity to plant her sword directly into the rim. The volcano rumbled, harder than ever before, as she infused the mountain with her will to build up heat and pressure. Noxious smoke began billowing out.
"You cannot stop me now, junk seller!" Tohru's mother roared. "Soon all of this will be nothing but unpleasant memory!"
Uncle grunted and staggered forward, swinging his sword directly at her armor, but Ms. Takagi caught it in her gloved hand and gave a sick grin. The sword melted into slag in her grip. Laughing, she seized Uncle with both hands and lifted him high over her head. She held up one knee and thrust him directly down. A terrible crack sounded above the mountain's rumbling. Uncle groaned in pain as pieces of his armor fell to the ground, returned to their original form, as well as dulled and scorched. "Without your armor, you're nothing but a plucked chicken, ready to be roasted!" Ms. Takagi sneered. "In fact...not that this is necessary," she said as she stared down into the smoke to the glowing lava beneath, "but a sacrifice can't hurt!"
Uncle struggled and strained, but the old woman's grip was as solid as the iron forged by the divine power within her. She bent backwards slightly, adjusting her position on Uncle's body, only to get shoved to the ground by a massive metal snowmobile ramming into her at top speed. With her grip loosened, Uncle was able to wriggle out of her grasp and onto the ground, exhausted and nearly immobilized. He cast up his eyes at his unexpected saviors.
"Tohru?!" Uncle shouted, staring as his former apprentice leapt off the vehicle and kept pushing Ms. Takagi away from the volcano's mouth, her iron-shod feet finding little purchase even on the craggy rock. What was more impressive was how close the snowmobile was to the lip of the volcano; Tohru must have turned with perfect timing to avoid getting either himself or his mother flung into the lava. "Good timing!"
"High praise coming from him!" Jade chirped from her perch on Tohru's shoulder. As the giant shook from the effort of grappling with his mother, she overpowered him, casting him aside. Tohru's bag flew off of his shoulder and out to the volcano's rim.
"Ai-yah!" Uncle howled. "Tohru, the spell!"
Tohru tried to force himself to his feet, but his mother placed a hand on top of his head and pinned him down. "How dare you disrespect your mother!" she screamed. Tohru stared back with steely determination, but Uncle continued to panic as the bag containing the chi-o-matic continued to slip over the rim.
Just as it fell, Jade leapt forward and grabbed the bag, pulling it back up and handing it to Uncle. "And they didn't want to bring me," she chuckled, dusting off her hands.
"Talk later!" Uncle insisted. "Help Uncle prepare spell!"
Jade threw the ingredients out on the ground, and she and Uncle got to work. As they did, Jackie and Daisuke arrived on the other snowmobile, and, to their distress, Eris was right behind them on her storm spirit horse.
"Seriously?" Eris screamed, gaping at the new arrivals. "What do I have to do to get rid of you twerps?! Throw you in a-oh, that'll work!" she finished, staring at the billowing smoke pouring out of the mountain.
Eris lunged at Jackie, but he leapt off the snowmobile and vaulted over her back. Daisuke remained in her path, though, smiling politely. "Hello," he greeted. "You must be Eris. I have heard a lot about you."
"All bad things, I hope," the goddess said. The storm spirit howled and upended the snowmobile, and Daisuke rolled into the dirt. The vehicle itself flew to the edge of the volcano and tumbled into the lava below. Before Eris could strike at Daisuke, though, Jackie flew at her and wrapped his arms around hers, locking into place with his legs.
Eris struggled and strained, finally falling off of her steed, but ultimately grew a pair of arms from the base of her neck and began pinching and poking at Jackie's face. As she did, Jackie's strength began to diminish. His arms lost their hold, and Eris threw him to the ground, the extra arms retracting back into her neck.
"What's going on?" Jade asked. "Jackie's never-" she continued, only to be interrupted by a coughing fit from her uncle.
"Ai-yah! Jackie inhaling too much smoke! He's losing his strength!" Uncle gasped, his voice distorted by his mask.
"And the altitude can't be helping," Daisuke added. "Up here, the oxygen is thin. We need to finish this, and quickly!"
Jackie continued to cough, but leapt to his feet, taking a stance. "Oh come on," Eris groaned, shaking her head. "I've dealt with heroic resilience, but sometimes you've just gotta take the hint!" Curling her hand into a fist, Eris extended her thumb and bit into it. Before everyone's horrified eyes, she blew into it, causing her hand and arm to grow utterly massive.
"Saw this on one of my anime," Eris said, grinning. "Kasahara was right; this place does make the best TV!"
"Never woulda pegged him for an otaku," Jade muttered.
"Now that I'm in top gear, let's see if I can send you cross-country!" Eris shouted. She swung back her fist but, by sheer luck, the volcano let out another rumble, even bigger than the last, and threw everyone off-balance. Jackie seized his opportunity and leaned back on his palms, using both legs to punt Eris into the air. Just as he did, the volcano shot out a quick burst of intensely hot air laced with incredible pressure. Eris was caught in the draft and sent flying, screaming in pain as her patchwork dress burned. Her steed raced into the sky after her, and soon they disappeared from sight.
"She's blasting off again!" Jade commented, wheezing a little as the air continued to thin. The volcano shook and roared beneath them.
Ms. Takagi let out a maniacal laugh. "That was only the beginning!" she said. "We are moments away from the biggest eruption in Japanese history! Get used to the company, because you're all going to be buried together for a long, long time!"
"Tohru, the removal spell!" Uncle ordered.
"There is no time, sensei!" Tohru roared. "Mt. Fuji is going to erupt whether she has the power or not! We need to stop it!"
"Uncle did not bring supplies for spell that powerful!" Uncle objected.
"So Japan is doomed?!" Jackie asked, tears coming to his eyes as he wheezed.
"Not yet!" Daisuke shouted, just barely keeping from toppling to the ground. "There is still one force that can avert this disaster!" He lifted a finger and pointed at his girlfriend.
"Wonderful!" Uncle groaned. "Fate of the country rests in the hands of crazy spider witch!"
"Oh, now volcano is definitely not stopping!" Ms. Takagi sneered.
"Mother, please!" Tohru begged. "You do not need to do this! This is the wrong way!"
"Oh, so now my son wants to lecture me on right and wrong?!" Ms. Takagi snapped. "The one who left his poor mother so he can run around with junk seller and his pathetic family?"
Jade sent a glare Ms. Takagi's way as she coughed. "Uh, standing right here!" she said.
"Who threw me into a wall when he didn't like his dinner?" Ms. Takagi continued, ignoring Jade. "No, this is the only way I can make sure you are mine just as I like. Statues don't talk back, or abandon their mothers, or leave their wives! That is the beauty of family!"
"And you would call destroying a country 'beauty'?" Tohru yelled back. "How is this in the spirit of your art? Kintsugi is about building something new, not shattering it further!"
"And what would you know about rebuilding?" Ms. Takagi scoffed. "You've never experienced pain like I have!"
Her words shot through Tohru like an arrow. It took him a moment to collect himself. "...perhaps you are right," he said, breaking eye contact with his mother to stare at the ground. "I have not. I did not even know the truth about what happened with Father until tonight. But I know what it means to lose everything...and to start again."
"What are you-?" Ms. Takagi began, only for Tohru to interrupt her.
"Sensei and the Chans took me in when I was at my lowest, and with them, I have rebuilt myself. I can never be who I was, but I am grateful for that. It made me the person I am today, just as what you went through has shaped you. But no matter what we have gone through, however much I failed to understand, I have always loved you. And that, at the very least, is how we can start to rebuild. But if you blanket Japan in ash, then we remain broken...forever."
"Wha...no, no! You can't trick me so easily!" Ms. Takagi snapped, her eyes glowing bright red. "This is the only way to have my perfect family together!"
Daisuke shook his head and stepped forward. "Just because we are together does not mean that we are united as a family, Shizu," he said with a sigh. "And just because we are a family does not mean we must remain together. True family cannot be broken apart by mere distance."
"'True family'? My son hates you! How could we ever be a family so long as that flame burns?!" Ms. Takagi shouted, only for Tohru to sigh.
"How can we ever be a family when we are strangers to one another?" he responded, looking over at Daisuke. "I do not hate Daisuke. I was hurt that his presence in your life was a secret. I was angered by the thought another man could take Father's place. And even now, I hardly know the man. But tonight he has proven that he will stand by you, that he would risk his life for you. He has shown me something of who he is. And if he is willing to learn with me, then…" Tohru paused, before extending a hand, "...I am willing to learn with him."
Smiling, Daisuke nodded and put his hand in Tohru's. Jade and Jackie stepped forward, placing their hands at Tohru's sides. Even Uncle crawled over to them. As they stepped closer, the clouds beneath them began to shift, thinning out to reveal the vast expanse of the Japanese countryside.
"Look around you, Shizu," Daisuke pleaded. "This very country embraces both the old and the new. The blacksmiths and bullet trains, the ancient shrines and skyscrapers, the ancient festivals and modern holidays. Even now, our greatest holiday is one started by Westerners! Japan constantly builds on itself, but never forgets its past. You can be the same. Please, Shizu. You know what is right. Please, let us begin repairing."
With a smile, Daisuke pulled out the gold-lined bowl from his bag and placed it into his girlfriend's hands. She stared down at the gilded object, and slowly began to smile. "...well, if you're finally ready to start listening," she said, her voice sounding much closer to normal, "then I suppose I might as well. Besides," she said snarkily, "billy goat would ruin my family portrait anyway."
Uncle bristled at the insult, but Jackie managed to grab him before he could push himself to his feet and charge Ms. Takagi. "Not now!" he whispered.
"So, does that mean you'll give up the power?" Jade asked.
"Not much of a reason to keep it," Ms. Takagi sighed. "Would probably burn mansion to the ground if I tried to walk through the doors." Her words were punctuated by the biggest rumble yet. Daisuke and Tohru were nearly knocked off their feet, and Jackie and Jade didn't fare much better. "But first, let me take care of this little situation. Go home, all of you!" she ordered. "I will meet you there!"
The entire group stared in amazement as Tohru's mother took to the air once more, clutching her bowl tight in one hand and her sword in the other as she shot directly into the mouth of Mt. Fuji, deep into the smoke and heat.
"Let's go, all of you," Jackie said, shaking his head. "You heard what she said."
The others took a moment to acknowledge, but finally piled onto the one remaining snowmobile. With all of them on there, they looked like some sort of circus act, but they had no time to worry about it. They sped down the mountain, over the dust and rocks, desperately clinging to each other to avoid falling off.
"Vaulting down mountain very bad for Uncle's digestion!" Uncle cried from underneath Tohru's left arm, Daisuke being cradled by his right, as they picked up speed.
"It's like a roller coaster!" Jade cheered from her perch on Tohru's neck. "Wish I could put my arms up!"
"Don't even think about it!" Jackie warned from directly in front of Tohru, the giant's belly pressing him into the handlebars.
Finally, they reached the base, swerving to a stop that would have left a thirty-foot trench had the vehicle been touching the ground. As they did, a huge explosion sounded above them.
"Oh, no!" Jackie cried. "We're too late!"
"Akemashite omedetō gozaimasu!" a smiling couple beside the group said, waving at them as they prepared to launch more fireworks.
Daisuke burst out laughing and waved back. "Happy New Year to you, too!" he chuckled.
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"So what happened with the volcano, Ms. Takagi?" Jackie asked, looking at Tohru's mother. The entire group was sitting around the table in the family dining room, helping themselves to the rest of their interrupted dinner. Ms. Takagi was even kind enough to reheat their food-in a microwave, rather than with the power of Hephaestus. She gave Jackie a kind smile.
"Call me Shizu, dear," she said with a chuckle. Her appearance was completely back to normal, clad in her maroon pantsuit. Her mole was hair-free again. Almost. "And I knew I couldn't simply stop the eruption, so I diverted it elsewhere: a hundred kilometers or so off the coast, far enough to avoid a tsunami. A new island is beginning to form as we speak, and Japan will expand and improve."
"So all's well that ends well!" Jade chimed in, casting a look back at the corner of the room. There, the jet-black power of Hephaestus lay, contained in the glass sphere of the chi-o-matic, looking deceptively harmless. Uncle was also over there, fiddling with the Armor of the Eight Immortals; he had refused to sit with "crazy volcano witch", and no one was inclined to argue. Unfortunately, the Agents of Chaos had disappeared by the time they got back, but they were honestly expecting that.
"Well, I suppose," Ms. Takagi sighed. "There is still a lot of growing and adjusting to do. But I think we are off to a good start."
"Yes, I think so," Tohru said. With some hesitation, he picked up a piece of tuna sashimi and brought it to his mouth, chewing slowly. "Mm...delicious!" he announced, smiling at Daisuke.
"Why thank you, Tohru!" Daisuke replied. However, when he looked away to take more noodles, Tohru gagged, prompting a chuckle from Jade.
Ms. Takagi snorted on her noodles, but raised her favorite bowl to hide it, concealing her face behind the gold-lined ceramic. In the light of the dining room, the glaze faintly showed the reflection of a happy family, united at last.
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PA2: And that's a wrap, folks! A heartwarming family scene to end on! And unlike Mama Tohru's plan, this one doesn't require mass murder to be preserved forever!
MP: That's the one downside. But you know what else is a really nice souvenir that lasts forever? Reviews! And, to a lesser extent, faves and follows.
PA2: Anyway you want to show your appreciation, we'd be very grateful! And now, MP, let's have a preview for the next chapter, shall we?
MP: (dramatic voice) In a world…
PA2: Can we tone it down a touch? You sound like a summer blockbuster.
MP: How do you know about my summer tearing up sidewalks?!
PA2: ...Just give them the damn preview.
MP: Next time, the power of Eris's favorite relative shows itself. And what in the world is Hestia up to? All this and a big surprise in our next chapter, "The Myth of the Lost Cause"!
PA2: See you then! And a Happy Samhain Season to all!