the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break
by Rose Thorne
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with The Untamed, and make no money writing fanfiction.
Chapter Eleven
An unpleasant jolt rushes through Lan Wangji's chest as he rounds a corner to see A-Yuan sitting outside the cave, wailing, Wei Ying a huddled lump against the stone, the white of his underrobe standing out against the darkness of his surroundings.
The wails coming from A-Yuan are barely recognizable, but he can make out "Xian-gege" in them.
In the seconds it takes to reach them, terror claws at him, and he has to fight to brush aside worst case scenarios in his mind.
Wei Ying, he sees as he gets close enough, is shuddering, wisps of resentful energy brushing his body but not dissipating. He's trying to raise Chenqing to his lips. But he is breathing; alive.
Xichen's footsteps are as hurried as his own behind him.
"Xiongzhang, Liebing," he says shortly. "'Cleansing.'"
He falls to a crouch beside Wei Ying as the xiao notes fill the air.
"Wei Ying," he whispers, uncertain how he can help. "I am here."
A-Yuan's cries have shifted from 'Xian-gege' to 'a-die,' as he had called crying in distress in the market, Lan Wangji registers dully, his mind taking in too much.
He does his best to focus solely on his husband. Wei Ying has been sick in the dirt in front of him, and seems to be trying to keep himself from retching, he realizes in frustration—conscious of wasting food even in his condition, even though his efforts bring him more pain. His body is clenched in on itself, and he shudders with every touch of the resentful energy.
But the wisps are fading with 'Cleansing,' he realizes; he did the right thing in asking his brother to play, though he has no idea what has caused this.
Wei Ying goes limp against the stone wall of the mountainside when the last of it fades, and Lan Wangji reaches forward hesitantly, uncertain if he could cause more pain.
"Wei Ying?"
"Dream," his zhiji manages. "Spirit."
Lan Wangji's fist clenches around Bichen's hilt. If this is what happens when Wei Ying allows spirits to dream through him, he will ward their bed to prevent it.
He's suddenly aware that Wen Qing is by his side, holding A-Yuan in her arms as he continues to cry, 'a-die, a-die.'
She's trying to split her focus between the toddler and Wei Ying, and Lan Wangji knows he should take the boy and let her see to his husband, but he is loath to leave his side. Before he can move, Xichen does for him, taking the boy from her arms.
Wen Qing's expression is tense, stormy in a way that tells Lan Wangji this hasn't occurred before. She quickly moves to Wei Ying's side.
"Wasted food," Wei Ying murmurs, his voice hoarse. "Sorry, Qing-jie."
"Don't be an idiot," she snaps, seeming uncertain as to how to go about examining him for injury. "A-Ning can always cook more. We have enough food. Worry about your health for once!"
Wei Ying shudders, his muscles spasming, and groans softly. Wen Qing's face softens.
"Can you walk?" she asks him, her voice softer.
"I can try," he replies, but his voice betrays his uncertainty and pain with a wobble.
Wen Qing glances at Lan Wangji, and he sees the request in her expression. He leans forward, trying to be gentle as he eases Wei Ying's arm, the one still clenching Chenqing, over his shoulder and starts to lift him to his feet. He can tell from his zhiji's clenched jaw that he's in pain regardless.
Wei Ying is able to make his feet work, thankfully, and Lan Wangji steers him toward the cave, noticing for the first time that many of the residents of Burial Mounds are milling about, their faces betraying their concern.
Wen Ning is hovering, and Wen Qing turns to him.
"Prepare some of the yanhusuo and yujin medicine we give popo for her arthritis," she tells him softly, then eyes Wei Ying, whose muscles are still spasming. "Mix in some gancao and guizhi."
Lan Wangji is aware xiongzhang is accompanying them into the cave, and he is torn between gratitude and trepidation. On the one hand, A-Yuan is still crying softly, though he's no longer calling for Wei Ying. On the other, if Wen Qing needs to undress him, Xichen could see the scar over Wei Ying's lower dantian and may guess at its origin.
He forces himself to set it from his mind; Wei Ying's health is more important at the moment. Worrying over what might happen would not change the outcome, and his concern is better saved for Wei Ying.
Wen Qing leads them to the boulder that had served as Wei Ying's bed. Lan Wangji has to lift him onto it, the pain too much for him to manage it himself. He lets his husband lean on him, knowing he likely needs the support and also needing the reassurance himself.
The fear he felt at the sight of Wei Ying huddled on the ground has faded some, but the sense of loss will haunt him, he knows. Wei Ying is fragile, his life something that could too easily be snuffed, and though he had been this fragile for some time now, Lan Wangji hasn't known, had left him to suffer in a way he couldn't make up for in a period of days.
Lan Wangji wants to hold him close, never let go, protect him, even as he knows Wei Ying would insist he can protect himself—or perhaps more discouragingly believe he isn't worthy of being protected.
This, though, seems to have left Wei Ying dazed, and he clenches Chenqing as though for his life. Slight tremors run through his muscles, his entire body still reacting to what happened. Lan Wangji grasps his free hand, strokes his knuckles with his thumb.
"The dream?" Wen Qing asks. "That's never happened before. And they're usually at night."
She starts acupressure, working pressure points along his meridians.
"Her husband poisoned her," Wei Ying says after a moment, his voice hoarse. "Then dumped her body here. Unhappy marriage. He didn't want to return the dowry, so he killed her and claimed she ran off. Showing me revived her resentment, and she couldn't let go."
His voice is unsteady, catching every time Wen Qing presses on a pressure point. But with each of her touches, the tremors lessen.
"The poison was meant to cause more than death," he continues softly. "It was meant to be cruel, painful."
"A resentful spirit?" Xichen asks, having caught up with the conversation. "Wuxian, were you possessed?"
Wen Qing holds a cloth in front of Wei Ying's mouth before touching a pressure point on his back, and he coughs blood into it. Not a lot, Lan Wangji can tell, but that needed to in the first place shows he has been injured.
"Almost," Wei Ying acknowledges when he's recovered, to Lan Wangji's shock. "They sometimes show me how they died, in dreams. Usually they're ready to move on once someone knows their pain."
Xiongzhang looks as horrified as Lan Wangji feels.
"A sort of Empathy, then? That's incredibly dangerous."
Wei Ying grimaces as Wen Qing continues acupressure.
"Some of them have been waiting centuries for Liberation," he says, as though justifying being injured like this.
"But she was not Liberated," Lan Wangji points out, feeling frustration at his husband's self-sacrificial nature.
"She was," Wei Ying tells them. "She realized it's been nearly a hundred years since her death, and her husband is certainly dead. 'Cleansing' helped free her of the resentment enough that she could think, and she was able to move on."
"There are better ways," Xichen points out. "You need not suffer to help them. You sacrifice too much."
They have the same education, and he knows his brother is thinking of Laozi and Zuangzi, who advocated for self-preservation and self-care over self-sacrifice. Lan Wangji rather agrees; Wei Ying has given too much of himself, virtually to the point of self-destruction. It is time he be cared for instead.
Wei Ying says nothing, and realization hits Lan Wangji: his husband has been alone all this time, has had to make these sacrifices, perhaps even feels he owes them. It is another facet of his own failure of Wei Ying.
"He had no one else before to help," he says aloud. "Wei Ying, we can work together, now. You need not open yourself to this."
That gets a quirked half-smile.
"I don't open myself to it. It's a consequence of my cultivation, and that's the only reason we can live here safely."
Lan Wangji meets his brother's gaze, finding his own feelings mirrored there. He can see, beyond having him, Wei Ying now has xiongzhang as well, someone else willing to help.
But if this is the price of living in Burial Mounds, it is too high. He can see Xichen agrees with him on that.
"We will use 'Inquiry' to help the resentful spirits. Empathy only if I am there to anchor you," Lan Wangji insists. "I will place warding talismans on our bed."
He is surprised when Wei Ying doesn't argue, just nods, and he realizes this incident has upset him as well—his husband has found one of his limits and is lucky it didn't go worse. Lan Wangji squeezes his hand gently, trying to reassure him, and receives a squeeze back and a more genuine smile from Wei Ying.
Wen Ning's return with a bowl of medicine heads off further conversation, but Wei Ying hesitates to take it.
"Is this going to knock me out?" he asks Wen Qing.
"It better," she says bluntly. "But not because it's meant to. Hopefully it'll relax your muscles and ease your pain, and the rest will be natural."
Wei Ying nods, setting the bowl down for the moment.
"Is there anything else you need to speak with me about?" he asks, directing the question at Xichen before Wen Qing can get angry. "While I'm able to answer."
Wen Qing frowns, but seems to recognize that this is necessary. Xichen lets Wen Ning take a cried-out and sleepy A-Yuan from his arms before responding.
"I would like to bring Sect Leader Nie to see the truth here," he finally says. "If you are amenable."
"He hates the Wens," Wei Ying says, grimacing.
"But he believes in justice," xiongzhang replies. "What has been done to civilians and innocents was unjust. He should see that, and he could help… perhaps recover those who are still alive."
Lan Wangji knows there likely aren't many, aside from women who were sold to brothels without the Jins' knowledge. Jin Guangshan is likely to have destroyed as much evidence as possible. But those women could be discovered and freed.
Wei Ying is quiet for a moment.
"You'd know his temperament better than I would," he finally acknowledges. "Just try to bring Nie Huaisang, too."
Xichen smiles. Lan Wangji knows this suggestion is welcome, particularly if Wen Qing wishes to discuss the life debt.
"He helps keep his brother calmer, unless they're arguing about saber practice. After the wedding, I will bring them."
Wei Ying nods. Lan Wangji catches the grieved expression that briefly touches his features, and he can see xiongzhang has noticed it as well.
A-Yuan starts fussing again as Wen Ning tries to leave the alcove with him, calling "a-die" again, only satisfied when he's brought closer to Wei Ying.
Wei Ying glances up at Lan Wangji, confusion written on his features, but he has no answers for him. It's something they'll need to discuss later, with Wen Qing.
Xichen pulls out his money pouch. It's far larger than it typically is, and Lan Wangji realizes his brother always intended to support his decision, had trusted his judgment.
"As Wangji is marrying in, I believe a dowry is appropriate. I trust this will serve as a first installment."
For a moment there's utter silence, Wen Qing even pausing in her acupressure, then Wei Ying starts to laugh. Though it's obviously painful, it takes a bit for him to stop, and the levity washes away his remaining distress.
Lan Wangji suspects that was Xichen's intention.
"Ah, Lan Zhan is the bride?"
He feels his ears heating, Wei Ying's tone of voice amused in a suggestive way.
"Ridiculous," he tells him, though he certainly doesn't mind the implications for exploration later, privately.
"Behave for once," Wen Qing mutters, but it lacks heat, her voice dazed at the sheer amount of money being handed over and the implication there will be more.
"Ah, you know that's impossible, Qing-jie," Wei Ying says. "But under the circumstances, I should provide a dowry to Gusu Lan as well. We're both husbands, so why stick with tradition? I have some new talismans I've developed that should help with night hunts…"
He moves as though to get up, but winces. Xichen steps forward, placing a staying hand on his shoulder and handing the pouch to Wen Qing.
"When I return. I intend to visit, when I can. You need to rest, Wuxian."
Again, Wei Ying doesn't protest.
"I can help Wangji carry water," Xichen offers to Wen Qing. "A hot soak would help, perhaps?"
Wen Qing sighs. Lan Wangji knows she likely feels frustration over not being able to accept that help, but also their limited resources.
"It likely would, but bathtubs are one luxury we haven't acquired yet," she says. "Though this dowry should help with that. I'll send a-Ning and one of the aunties tomorrow."
Xichen looks taken aback by the idea that a bathtub could be considered a luxury, and Lan Wangji is reminded of Wei Ying's amusement over his question about bathing.
"The river has a backwater pool nearby," Lan Wangji tells him. "It meets most needs."
Wei Ying's injuries were, unfortunately, a need not met.
In the quiet that follows, Wei Ying lifts the bowl to his lips and downs the contents, wincing at the bitterness when he's finished.
"I'll finish when he's laying down," Wen Qing tells Lan Wangji. "Carry him. I don't want him walking for now."
He lifts Wei Ying, his arms at his shoulders and knees, and regardless of how gentle he tries to be, he can tell he causes him pain. His husband hasn't gained enough weight back to make lifting him difficult yet, and it is easy to carry him to their bed. Lan Wangji sits beside him at the head of the bed, making room for Wen Qing to continue her acupressure while staying close.
Wen Ning lets A-Yuan down onto the bed, and the child wriggles close to Wei Ying, clearly half-asleep, murmuring "a-die" once before settling against him and falling swiftly to sleep.
"Is he calling…?"
Wei Ying trails off, looking uncertain. Wen Qing snorts.
"Congratulations. You're a father. It's a boy."
Lan Wangji isn't surprised by her pronouncement—if the remaining Wen are already considering adopting Wei Ying's surname, they would likely be happy for A-Yuan to gain a father in him as well.
Wei Ying, however, looks torn.
"I'm not his father, though. I'm not qualified to be."
"A-Yuan decided you are," Wen Qing says pointedly. "He was too young to remember his parents when they died, and you've been filling that role for a while. Really, it's better he be a Wei than a Wen."
"There isn't any one we'd t-trust more, Wei-gongzi," Wen Ning adds, then bows and leaves the alcove, likely to return to aiding with the dyeing process.
Wen Qing starts acupressure on his legs. Wei Ying looks overwhelmed by the idea of becoming A-Yuan's father.
"But my name isn't much better. I'm a wanted man. He should become a Lan. My husband's a Lan, so it works, right?"
"He didn't call Hanguang-Jun 'a-die,'" she points out. "He chose you, and trust me when I say we're all fine with that."
Wei Ying glances at him, as though looking for support, but Lan Wangji has no intention of getting involved in this dispute. He supports A-Yuan's decision. What concerns him is that Wei Ying seems to feel unworthy, when he has seen how good his husband is with the boy—that what exists be named and formalized is a healthy step.
A-Yuan shifts closer against Wei Ying in his sleep, and he can see his zhiji melt at the boy's trust in him, at the idea that he sees him as a father. Wei Ying reaches out hesitantly and runs a hand through the child's hair, and he can see the moment his hesitance turns to acceptance.
"I don't have my parents' tablets to perform the adoption rites," he finally says.
Xiongzhang smiles, looking pleased, and Lan Wangji realizes this will technically make Xichen A-Yuan's uncle.
"I will be writing to Sect Leader Jiang anyway. I will request on your behalf that he bring them. Perhaps he would even be willing to bear witness."
Wei Ying nods.
"That would be appreciated," he says, his voice tired. "Thank you, Zewu-Jun."
"Xichen, please. You're my brother's husband, and thus a brother of mine."
"Xichen," Wei Ying says deferentially. "Thank you for coming today. I'm sorry I've been unable to host properly."
"You needn't apologize, Wuxian. Your health is important. I've learned more than I expected during this visit, and although the deaths of the guards were unfortunate, I believe you acted to protect the weak and uphold justice."
Lan Wangji nearly startles at his brother's words, the way they echo the oath he and Wei Ying made years ago, an oath that had brought what he felt for him beyond the point of no return. He remembers telling his brother, back then, and clearly Xichen remembers it—and, more to the point, knows Wei Ying is upholding justice, knows he is good, and is confirming he is an ally to them.
He had been prepared to protect Wei Ying alone, them against the world, if need be, but having his brother on his side gives him a measure of relief. He can only imagine how his husband has felt, alone all this time with no allies, how it has likely contributed to his lackluster sense of self-worth. Lan Wangji will work to repair the damage done, to help him see how very worthy he is, even if only as a father to A-Yuan.
"I couldn't leave them to suffer," Wei Ying says softly, hand still in A-Yuan's hair. "Not after seeing their treatment."
"Wuxian, you are perhaps the only one of us who has upheld justice. I will speak on your behalf. With Mingjue. With shufu."
Xiongzhang crooks a smile, one that has a tinge of bitterness to it.
"The rest of the cultivation world failed these people, and you. That needs to be corrected. We chose expediency over benevolence."
"'When virtue is lost, benevolence appears, when benevolence is lost right conduct appears, when right conduct is lost, expedience appears. Expediency is the mere shadow of right and truth; it is the beginning of disorder,'" Wei Ying quotes, invoking Laozi.
Xichen nods approvingly, clearly pleased Wei Ying understood his reference.
"Precisely. You were the only one who attempted right conduct and benevolence. I am afraid we lost the path of virtue following the war, too consumed by revenge."
"Wei Ying took revenge," Lan Wangji comments. "But only on those who had wronged him, had wronged Yunmeng Jiang, and those who fought for Wen Ruohan."
Wei Ying winces as Wen Qing hits a particularly sensitive pressure point, but Lan Wangji can tell he is fading, the medicine relaxing him and taking his pain. It occurs to him he should prepare a talisman to affix to the bed frame shortly.
"Wuxian only acted as we all did in the midst of war," Xichen acknowledges. "But he alone was accused of being unrighteous, his acts assumed to be such because of his cultivation. Again, I am sorry I was among those who assumed, and did not look deeper myself or question."
Lan Wangji is unsurprised when Wei Ying waves a dismissive hand, knowing his husband forgives easily, or perhaps feels he deserved judgment.
"I questioned only because Wangji stayed, because he wrote to me," xiongzhang says, almost a dismissal of Wei Ying's dismissal. "Had that not occurred, I fear what I may have been complicit in."
"Either we'd be ignored, or eventually they'd come for us," Wei Ying murmurs. "Probably come for us, if they want the seal. They still might."
Lan Wangji can hold himself back no longer, brushes a hand through his husband's hair. Wei Ying leans into his touch.
"You will not stand alone," he murmurs. "I am here now."
"Us against the world," Wei Ying says, his voice betraying how close he is to sleep. "I'd rather we just have a potato farm somewhere quiet and be left alone. Maybe a lotus pond."
It's an idyllic dream, one that perhaps they can find in the future, Lan Wangji hopes. He would give it to Wei Ying now, had he the power.
"Sleep, airen. I will be here."
As though having read his mind, Xichen pulls a talisman from his sleeve, the kind Gusu Lan often provides to terrorized commoners for warding off evil—and the very one Wei Ying inverted for use against Wen Chao's forces. Wei Ying actually cocks a smile in recognition as Xichen affixes it to the headboard.
"This should prevent further harassment by spirits," xiongzhang says gently. "So you and young A-Yuan can rest well. I will visit again soon."
Then he starts 'Rest' on Liebing, clearly intent on helping Wei Ying as much as he is able to this visit. Lan Wangji nods at him gratefully.
Mid-song, Wen Qing pulls the front of Wei Ying's robe down over his zhong yi, finished with acupressure.
"We'll wake you for dinner," she tells him. "If you're not up to getting up, I'm sure your husband will feed it to you in bed."
The teasing rouses another sleepy smile from Wei Ying, and Lan Wangji can feel him let go, relaxing into sleep. Still, he strokes his hair, staying beside him until xiongzhang has finished playing, then covers him with the new blanket the aunties have left at the foot of the bed.
The blanket, he notices, has been adorned with simple embroidery—two white butterflies in the center to symbolize the fabled butterfly lovers (though he hopes their own tale is more fortuitous), a wufu above surrounded by five bats to bless them with health and longevity, scattered plum blossoms for good fortune, with mystic knots throughout for protection and love. The work is not opulent, but rustic in a rougher thread, beautiful in its own right, in the intent behind it. The symbols are meant to bless and celebrate their union, and they have been embroidered with care. The gift is unexpected and touching.
Lan Wangji smooths the blanket over Wei Ying and A-Yuan, then forces himself to leave the alcove, closing the blanket-curtains behind them. He still has things he wishes to speak with Xichen about, and he must escort him to the edge of the Burial Mounds, at least, a basic courtesy he deserves.
Wen Qing gestures for them to follow her, and she folds a letter that she left behind at her work area before, Lan Wangji knows, running to Wei Ying's aid.
"Thank you," she tells Xichen as she hands it to him, her face earnest. "Few have cared enough to investigate the truth here."
Xiongzhang takes her letter and tries to prevent her from bowing.
"I have yet to earn your respect," he tells her. "I and the rest of the cultivation world have failed you, and until I rectify this wrong you need not bow to me."
"Zewu-Jun, today you earned my respect. In coming. In listening."
She smiles at him.
"I trust you will do what is in your power," she says, persisting in her bow. "And that is all we can ask of anyone."
Xichen's polite smile is discomfited as she excuses herself. He knows his brother feels he has not done enough, and he empathizes.
Lan Wangji leads the way from the cave, the interior way to the communal area where several of the aunties are stirring fabric in the dye vats or hanging them on crude ropes strung across the hall. They seem to be dying swaths of fabric in various shades of blue, green, purple, and gray, large batches that will likely be cut and sewn into clothing in the coming days.
They watch for a bit, and Lan Wangji reminds himself to ask who was behind the embroidery so he might thank them later.
"Wangji, I am afraid I must leave soon," Xichen murmurs. "But I want you to know I understand your decision and support it."
They leave the hall for the courtyard and scattered buildings that are the tiny village the remnants have built.
"You would have stayed even if he did not wish to be wed to you," he notes.
Lan Wangji nods.
"I cannot leave him, xiongzhang. I abandoned him at Qiongqi Path. I left him to follow the righteous path alone. I doubted him. I failed him. I hurt him."
Xichen shakes his head.
"Do not regret what is already past. You sought him when no one else did, and you walk beside him now. You do not regret your current path."
Lan Wangji can only nod again. Were he to die on this path with Wei Ying, even tomorrow, he would feel no regret; had he left Wei Ying to face it and die alone, he doesn't know if he could have lived with himself.
"Wei Ying would let life go and choose righteousness," he says softly, remembering a saying by Mengzi. "I would help him keep the two together, if possible."
"I would prefer that both of you keep life and righteousness together," Xichen agrees. "And I will do what I can to help."
They walk through the trees, keeping to the path out of the Burial Mounds, a path Lan Wangji meant to take over a week ago, leaving Wei Ying behind to return to Gusu alone, but blessedly did not.
"Shufu and the elders will be displeased," he says finally.
"I will handle them," Xichen promises. "And I will register your marriage as valid, witnessed by Lan Yi herself. I was served and accepted tea from your husband today."
Xichen stops and reaches out, placing a hand on Lan Wangji's arm.
"We will find a way forward, xiaodi. One that includes Wuxian."
His brother hasn't called him that in quite some time, and it invokes a sort of nostalgia, a feeling of safety and closeness. Lan Wangji moves to bow in gratitude and is surprised when his brother pulls him into a hug.
"I am proud of you, Wangji, for following your path," he says as he releases him.
A warm feeling spreads through Lan Wangji's chest, and his heart settles further. That he has his brother's support is gratifying, easing him in a way he didn't expect. That his brother is proud of him for what will likely be considered unfilial by shufu and Gusu Lan's elders was beyond what he hoped for.
Lan Wangji's decision would not have changed regardless, but he is grateful to still have his brother, if not his clan.
It is more than Wei Ying has, and he wishes he was back in the cave holding him as he sleeps, somehow able to share this feeling with him, able to ease more of the pain he knows his zhiji carries in his heart.
"Thank you, xiongzhang," he manages, his voice choked.
The rest of their walk is silent, nothing more to be said.
I had a lot of feels writing this chapter, in that Wei Wuxian was failed badly by so many people. That's not to say he was blameless, but there were so many points where, had someone looked closer, things could have gone better. But that's I guess part of what makes it tragic.
I want to note on a change I made—in that I'm no longer capitalizing within characters' courtesy names. I had a conversation with some folks about it and the issue of othering was discussed, so I decided to listen and change how I was writing the names. As I've said before, I am white and American, so in writing outside of my culture it's important for me to listen and try to respect the culture I'm writing into.
The herbs Wen Qing has Wen Ning mix are used in traditional Chinese medicine. Yanhusuo is corydalis, used for treating pain. Yujin is simply turmeric, which is also used for pain. Gancao is licorice and is used for muscle spasms. Guizhi is cinnamon twigs, used also for pain.