Diary,
I don't have it in me to laugh or cry or scream anymore. I never thought the silence would be worse than laughter.
But I can't. If I had a moment of clarity... A rehabilitation center for mentally disabled people. That's nice. And what good do you think that'll do?
I don't want counsellors. I know exactly what I'm fucking doing. It's getting harder for me to hide it nowadays. Earlier this week Terra tried taking me to the emergency room, the one specially designed for those of us involved in the Magitek Knight experiment.
I screamed then. It was the last time I did. They wouldn't allow her to go in with me and I can't be without her. When I saw them coming I just threw my back against the wall panicking. I can't have her away from me. I backed up against the wall, someone was talking and I ran.
I only remember the sound of my own voice screaming, the feel of Terra's hand on my back, rubbing my back, before I collapsed. My right knee still hurts from that. I scraped the hide off it in two places but my pants aren't ripped. I don't even know how that works.
But this is me now. What happens when I can finally scream again? What happens when I explode?
My head hurts. I don't want to do this anymore.
~ me