A/N: And here we go folks, new chapter. One that I have been looking forward to writing since Season 1, actually, when I first started plotting out this season's arc in advance. I think you'll understand why once it gets underway, so let's not delay it with any more small talk (other than to once again wish everyone health and safety in these troubling times).
Read on!
Last time, on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: After learning that the local Fantasy Con was in possession of an ancient eldritch tome, Team Save Earth went to retrieve it, with Steve providing oversight while Dib and Viera infiltrated the convention itself. At the same time, Zim and his minions snuck into the convention to cause general mayhem. Eventually the two groups ran into each other and fought, only to get caught in the chaos as the book unleashed its magic on the convention attendees. The Irkens quickly fled, while Dib and his friends worked together to destroy the book and return everyone to normal before leaving as well.
But this little side adventure is out of the way now, and something much bigger is about to begin…
Disclaimer: I do not own any canonical Invader Zim characters. I own only the OCs, except for Nyx and Ying (loaned from nightmaster000) and the ones previously established as belonging to SaintHeartwing (see chapter 6 for a reminder on which those are).
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The New Adventures of Invader Zim
Season 2
Episode 10: Tournament of Doom, Part 1
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It was another busy, bustling day in Apex, capital city of the Irken Empire. Millions of Irkens made their way to and fro along the streets and between buildings, the shadow of Tallest Tower covering all of them and hover screens floating through the air above, constantly displaying propaganda designed to encourage obedience. All signs of a very typical day on Irk.
Then something that wasn't supposed to be typical, but which was becoming distressingly regular, happened. The screens all went to static as their broadcast signal was hijacked, soon resolving into a by-now familiar New Irken Order logo. Every single Irken stopped dead in their tracks to look at the screens, as another burst of static revealed the masked figure of Miz.
"My fellow Irkens, this is Miz speaking," the revolutionary gave his trademark line, "And today, I wish to talk with you all about the glaring obscenity that is the influence that the Tallest have over our lives. Not just as our default military or political leaders — not that they actually do much in either field, though that's another subject — but through their stranglehold on our very culture. If they say something, that's how it must be, regardless of how pointless or petty it is. Case in point, the use of thumbs."
To illustrate his point, Miz lifted both hands and wiggled his thumbs.
"For some completely moronic reason, the Tallest remove their thumbs upon taking the throne to somehow symbolize their ability to rule even with a minor handicap," Miz said, "And because of this, they try to deny the rest of us the full use of our own thumbs out of petty jealousy of us still having them. To the point that they've gone so far as to outlaw the thumbs up, a simple gesture used by every species in the galaxy with thumbs or the equivalent appendage. An utterly ridiculous piece of repression that exists only to make them feel better about an idiotic custom."
A murmur ran through the crowds as they listened to this. Many looked down at their own thumbs, it clearly having never occurred to them before that their use of them was legally limited.
"Well, enough of this nonsense!" Miz declared, "Today, I am reclaiming this gesture, the right to use the entirety of our hands as we want, for all of us! Let it now be a symbol of this movement, the revolution that will soon come and topple the corruption of the Tallest! Long live the New Order!"
With that final statement, Miz flung his arms out and flashed both thumbs up at the camera. The screens went to static again momentarily, then returned to the propaganda feed they'd been running before this interruption had occurred. As they did, the crowds of Irkens turned to stare at each other, murmuring quietly over what had just happened.
"Whoo!" a voice broke the silence in the central square surrounding Tallest Tower, a particularly short Irken in a janitor's uniform jumping up from the crowd and flashing thumbs up, "Thumbs up! We can do whatever we want with our hands! Long live-!"
ZAP
The janitor's rant was cut off as quickly as it started, as a security officer came up behind him and jabbed a shock spear into his PAK. As he fell twitching to the ground, several other officers came up to join the first one, all of them glaring at the crowd.
"Disperse at once, before you're all charged with aiding and abetting this sedition," the lead officer said as his comrades carried off the shocked offender.
The crowd all silently stared at the officers before obeying the order and returning to whatever business they had beforehand. Though tellingly, many of them hesitated for several moments before doing so.
XXXXXXX
"Why are we watching this?" Purple groaned in boredom. He and Red were standing in a private communications chamber aboard the Massive, Commander Wiyn standing a respectable distance away near the door. In front of the Tallest were a series of screens, displaying the Apex population's reaction to Miz's latest broadcast. Including several cases of security officers having to drag away Irkens loudly declaring their support for the rogue's speech.
In response to Purple's question, the screens changed to a live feed of the Control Brains' chamber back on Irk, their array of glowing red eyes glaring back at the Tallest.
"We are watching this, Tallest Purple, because it is a sign of how the cancer that is this Defective's treason is spreading," one of the Brains stated.
"With each new broadcast, more and more members of the lower ranks and castes shows signs of being swayed by his rhetoric," another Brain added, "To the point that, as you can see from the footage, they are actually publicly praising him, even on the streets of our own capital!"
"Sounds more like a failure on the part of both Imperial Security and the Consulars than anything you can be mad at us about," Red commented.
"You were warned about our concerns regarding the Miz movement, and you have not taken them seriously," a Brain said firmly, "Now they are spreading to every corner of our society."
"Well, I wouldn't say every corner. Isn't that right, Commander?" Red countered, turning to Wiyn at that last comment, who straightened up in response.
"Yes, my Tallest," she replied, "Ever since that one traitor was eliminated, we've had no other indications of Miz-based sedition or treason onboard the Massive or anywhere else in the Armada."
"See? We've been handling stuff just fine. This is all somebody else's fault," Purple said petulantly.
"We are not here to assign blame, but to discuss a course of action," one of the Brains responded.
"I assume that one has already been decided on?" Red asked, recognizing the tone in the Brains' mechanical voices.
"Yes. We have determined that the best way to suppress support for Miz is to remind the populace of the Empire's might," that same Brain explained, "To this end, we have decided that all Invaders shall be gathered in a grand tournament, which will showcase their skills as the finest warriors in all the Irken Elite."
"And to truly display our military strength, the winner of the tournament shall be gifted with promotion, and given command of our newest battleship," another Brain added, catching the Tallest by surprise.
"You're going to give them the Dreadnut?" Red asked in utter disbelief.
"'Dreadnut'?" Wiyn echoed, squinting an eye at the name.
"Well, it was supposed to be the Dreadnaught, but then someone decided it should be called the Doughnut instead," Red explained, shooting an annoyed glare at his co-ruler.
"Dreadnaught's a stupid name!" Purple snapped back, crossing his arms.
"Anyway, we eventually compromised and compounded the two names," Red continued, before turning back to the Control Brains, "It was just completed, and I had thought it was going to be serving as our secondary capital ship, but apparently we're just going to give it away to some random Invader?"
"The most powerful ship in the Armada short of the Massive itself, gifted to the Invader who proves themselves to be the single greatest soldier in the entire Empire," one of the Brains said, "It will be magnificent propaganda, reminding all Irkens of the greatness of our society, and helping them see the error in Miz's words."
"Meh, if you say so," Purple said with a shrug, "So, when is this going to happen?"
"We have drafted outlines for the tournament's announcement and events," a Brain replied, "We will allow you to finalize details, but we want this to happen soon. Is that understood?"
"Of course," Red said with a bowed head, Purple and Wiyn following his example, "Send the information to the Advisory Council. We'll meet with them promptly and have everything prepared quickly."
"See that you do," the Control Brains said firmly, before cutting communications and leaving the three Irkens standing in silence for a moment.
"So, I guess we go do that now?" Purple asked.
"Best to get it out of the way," Red said, before turning to Wiyn, "Commander, get in contact with security forces on Conventia and start organizing them for a large event. We'll get you the details once we've worked them all out."
"Yes, my Tallest," Wiyn responded with a salute before marching off, while the Tallest floated off to meet with their Advisors and start drafting a plan for the tournament.
Deelishus Weenie Building, Two Days Later
Tak and Tenn stood before the main console in their base's central control room. Tak was hunched over the console itself, typing away and muttering angrily to herself, while Tenn watched her with a bored expression.
"You know, you can just admit you have no ideas for any new conquest plans," Tenn finally said, "Rather than standing there pretending that you're working."
"I have plenty of ideas!" Tak snapped, "It's not my fault that we lack the resources to immediately implement any of them! Not to mention this whole Spring Break thing will be over soon, and then we go back to wasting half of every day in that disgusting educational facility."
"A good Invader knows when to step back and merely observe, rather than trying to force progress on the mission," Tenn replied, which earned her a dirty look from her partner.
"How about instead of standing there criticizing me and dropping pearls of wisdom, you actually try coming up with a plan of your own?" Tak sneered.
Before Tenn could retort to that, a ringing alert sounded from the console. Looking to it, the Irken pair saw that they were receiving a message on the general Imperial broadcast channel. Sharing a look with Tenn and shrugging, Tak hit a button, and with a jaunty tune, an animated figure with the Imperial logo for a head appeared on the screen, dancing along to the music.
"Attention all loyal Irken subjects!" the figure declared, "By decree of the Almighty Tallest, a grand tournament is to be held in two days on Conventia. All active and former Invaders are invited to partake in a competition to display their skills as the greatest soldiers in the universe! And the winner shall be granted the honor of being promoted to command the Armada's new secondary flagship, the Dreadnut! All other Irkens are invited to attend and witness the glorious combat firsthand! Do so, or feel burning shame for the rest of your days! All hail the Tallest, and glory to the Empire!"
With that, the message ended, leaving the female pair staring at the screen for a few moments before looking at each other again.
"…Well, I guess that settles the question of what we'll be doing in the near future," Tak said after a moment, a smirk forming on her face. Tenn, meanwhile, cocked an antenna at her.
"Would you even be allowed to participate?" she asked, "I mean, I know the Tallest okayed you trying to conquer Earth, but you're not officially an Invader."
"They approved of my mission, that's all that matters," Tak snapped, "And considering I'm the only one with a working ship around here, which I'm not about to let you use without me, you should maybe consider keeping such smart remarks to yourself!"
"Fine, whatever," Tenn said, holding up her hands defensively, "Just don't blame me if they don't let you in."
"Grr, just get ready to leave," Tak growled, before turning to stomp off out of the room. Tenn watched her go, before glancing at the console screen again and then shaking her head.
"Well, this is going to be an interesting couple of days," she muttered, "Still, an opportunity to remind everyone that I'm the best, and to get away from this disgusting planet for a little while, should be worth the headache."
Having assured herself, Tenn also left the room, to prepare for the trip.
Zim's Base, Same Time
Zim and his minions stood in his central control room, watching the tournament announcement and invite play out.
"I'm surprised we were even able to get the message," Skoodge commented after the video concluded, "You know, what with us being exiled and renegade and all."
"The message was broadcast on all frequencies, presumably to ensure it was received by all Irkens regardless of where they are," the Computer replied, "Given that the Master and the rest of you are the only ones we know of that are in open, self-identified rebellion against the Empire, it's unlikely that anyone thought it necessary to alter the scope of the broadcast."
"Tch, typical lazy imperial bureaucrats. Always going with the cheapest, easiest option," Nyx scoffed, "I'm just wondering why the Tallest are suddenly doing something like this."
"Isn't it obvious?" Zim asked with a smirk, "Clearly my speeches as Miz are having the desired effect and riling the Empire's population up too much for their comfort. So they're pulling a giant propaganda stunt to make themselves look better."
"Well, it'll probably work," Skoodge said with a shrug, "I mean, every single Invader competing for their own battleship, with half the Empire in the audience? It'll be the event of the millennium."
"Hmm," Zim said in response to that, rubbing his chin in thought. As the others watched him curiously, he tapped away at the console, rewinding the message to a specific spot and starting it again.
"All active and former Invaders are invited to partake in a competition-"
TAP
"All active and former Invaders are invited-"
TAP
"All active and former Invaders-"
Stopping the message, Zim stared intently at the screen for a few seconds, then began slowly chuckling, which soon grew into a full-blown maniacal laugh. Confused, Nyx looked to Skoodge, who merely shrugged in response, leaving the two to stare at Zim until he composed himself.
"Oh, those fools," he hissed happily, "They don't even realize the opportunity they've given me!"
"Say what?" Skoodge asked, completely baffled.
"Never mind, Zim will explain on the way," Zim replied, turning to face the two of them, "Grab the robots and prepare the ships. We have a trip to make!"
Blinking in further confusion, Nyx and Skoodge nevertheless obeyed the order, saluting and departing the room. Zim didn't bother watching them go, instead turning his attention back to the console, a scheme rapidly taking shape in his mind.
Oh yes, this was going to be fun…
Membrane Household, Same Time
Dib was in a very good mood when he greeted the twins at his front door and ushered them into his house. In fact, he was practically bouncing with giddy energy around the living room as they watched him from their spots on the couch.
"So, are you going to tell us what you're so excited about, or are we supposed to guess?" Viera asked.
"Right, sorry, this is just huge news!" Dib said with a grin, "I think I finally have a way to get the ship up and running again!"
"Really?" Steve asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically, "No offense, man, but you've been trying for months, and last time was pretty much a fluke. What makes you think you've figured it out now?"
"Because before I didn't have one of these!" Dib replied, dramatically pulling a box out from under the coffee table, and pulling out of said box a large metal cube covered in flashing lights.
"And that is what, exactly?"
"A quantum flux capacitor," Dib explained happily, "My dad invented them as a new means of processing massive amounts of energy. I've run the numbers, and if I'm right, if we install this into the ship it should bypass the damaged systems and get everything operational again."
"How'd you convince your dad to give you that?" Viera asked.
"Er," Dib coughed awkwardly, his excitement diminishing slightly, "I, sorta, kinda didn't ask his permission, actually. But he's got like a dozen of them in storage down in his basement lab, he won't miss it!"
"…He just keeps those things in your basement?"
"He keeps all kinds of things down there," Dib replied with a shrug, "Anyway, I wanted you guys here when I install this thing. If this works, I want us all to share in the moment."
"Again, not trying to sound skeptical, but what are the odds that if it doesn't work it'll blow us all up?" Steve asked dryly.
"I should be so lucky," Gaz commented as she emerged from the kitchen with a soda can in hand, "Then I wouldn't have to listen to you losers blather anymore."
"Yeah? Well, who asked… uh," Viera started to say as she turned to face Gaz, only to trail off in surprise as she actually saw her, "Are you wearing a dog collar?"
"You got a problem with that?" Gaz asked in return, opening the can by using one of the spikes on her collar to punch a hole through the top of it.
"Er, no, I'm good," Viera said quickly. Gaz grunted, then headed towards the stairs, sipping from her soda as she went. Viera watched her go, then when she was out of sight turned back to Dib and pointed after Gaz with a look of confusion on her face.
"I have no idea," Dib answered the unasked question, "She was wearing it when she got back from her trip with Nyx, and won't tell me what the deal is with it. I figure it's best to just nod and ignore it."
"Right," Steve said slowly, "Anyway, back to the subject at hand, are we sure we want to risk using this thing?"
"We don't really have a choice," Dib said, "Getting the ship working will level the playing field with the Irkens just a little, and every bit counts."
The twins shared a look in silent communication, before nodding in agreement.
"Okay then, let's do it," Viera said. The twins stood up and followed Dib out to the garage, where it appeared he had already prepped the Spittle Runner for maintenance. For the next twenty minutes, the three worked together to remove a few damaged portions of the hardware from beneath the main control console and install the capacitor. Then they stood back, and after taking a moment to brace themselves, Dib hit the activation button.
For a few seconds nothing happened. Then the console's screens flickered to life all at once, lines of code running across them before switching to the default Irken logo. Eyes widening, Dib snapped his attention over to where a laptop had been plugged into the console and was translating the Irken text.
"All systems optimal," he read, grinning widely, "It works! We did it!"
The trio whooped and cheered, high-fiving and having a quick group hug. After a couple of minutes, they eventually calmed down and managed to compose themselves.
"Okay then," Dib said, clasping his hands and rubbing them together in excitement, "This calls for a celebration. Who wants to go for a test flight?"
"Really?" Steve asked, grinning at the thought.
"What, you mean like, into space?" Viera asked, not as excited as her brother but still quite interested at the thought.
"Why not? I'm still kicking myself for not using it to do that back when I got it up and running the first time," Dib replied, "In fact, let's make a whole trip out of this. We make our excuses with our parents — not that my dad will care, but still — then meet up here and go for a little deep space flight. What do you think?"
"Sounds great to me!" Steve said immediately. Viera actually took a moment to think it over before nodding in agreement as well.
"Yeah, I'm in too," she said, "We can say we're going on a camping trip or something. Give us until tomorrow to set everything up?"
"Sure, you guys go ahead and get everything you need," Dib replied, "I'll see you back here tomorrow morning."
With that, the twins left, leaving Dib to practically skip up to his room to start getting ready himself. He could already tell this was going to be an awesome experience.
He had no idea how right he was.
Conventia, Next Day
As the Massive and its support ships slipped into orbit around Conventia, the Tallest teleported down to the surface, accompanied by their Advisors, a few guards, and several senior officers. As they rematerialized in the private section of the planet's central convention hall building, Wiyn was in mid-sentence of a report.
"-when the Invaders arrive, which should happen over the course of today, they'll be redirected to the main lounge," she was saying to a mildly-interested Red and bored Purple, "After the welcome and orientation feast, they'll be ordered to stay there until the tournament itself starts tomorrow. Meanwhile, all the other Irkens who will be attending as guests or support staff will not be allowed entrance into the building until shortly before the beginning of the tournament, and only then after a thorough screening by my security teams. I assure you, my Tallest, that we have a total handle on everything, and there will be absolutely no surprises at-"
"Hello, my Tallest."
The group all yelped and jumped at the unexpected voice, Purple actually leaping into Red's arms. Turning to face it, they were surprised to find Darth standing a respectable distance away, bowing his head in greeting.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Wiyn snapped.
"What the Commander meant to say," Red quickly said, dropping Purple to the floor as he did so, "Is that this is an unexpected and… pleasant surprise, Chief Consular. To what do we owe the honor of your presence?"
"This tournament is the largest gathering of the Elite since the beginning of Operation Impending Doom 2," Darth explained, "Given the current instability, the Control Brains felt it wise to have my Consulars on hand to help ensure that the tournament goes smoothly."
"My forces are more than sufficient to handle security here," Wiyn said, bristling at the implication she heard in Darth's words.
"Well then, our presence shouldn't be too much of a hinderance to your performance, should it?" Darth replied smoothly.
"Listen here, you smug blind-"
"Commander," Red interrupted sharply, immediately cutting Wiyn off, "While I admire your professional pride, if the Control Brains have ordered the Consulars here, you will respect that decision. Is that understood?"
Gritting her teeth, Wiyn didn't verbally respond, settling for bowing her head in acknowledgement.
"Good," Red said, "So why don't the two of you go off and work out how to properly coordinate everything between your forces?"
"Of course, my Tallest," Wiyn said, reluctantly. Gesturing to Lieutenant Mook, she stomped towards the door, Mook following after her and Darth trailing behind. Everyone else watched them go, trading awkward looks at the clear animosity between the two.
"Well, this is going to be a fun couple of days," Senior said with a sigh.
"Just go make sure that everything's ready for broadcast when the tournament starts," Red said, not quite snapping at him. Shrugging, Senior gave a salute and walked off with his own support team, leaving the Tallest with their Advisors and guards. Purple, who had gotten back up from the floor at some point, finished dusting himself off and looked around.
"Do we need to send anyone else anywhere, or can we just get to that lounge Wiyn mentioned?" he asked. Red sighed and turned to the nearest Advisor, who took the unspoken cue.
"We're having the Service Drones from the Massive integrated with the local ones, my Tallest," he said, "Though as the Commander said, they'll be screened before being allowed into the building, as a precaution."
"Well hurry up with that, I'm hungry!" Purple complained, Red rolling his eyes in response.
"Er, there should already be a fully-stocked buffet prepared in advance for your arrival, my Tallest," the Advisor said awkwardly.
"There, you happy now?" Red asked, holding up a hand to forestall any response from his co-ruler, "That was rhetorical. Let's just go get settled in and wait for the Invaders to start showing up."
With that, Red floated towards the door, Purple right behind him and the others following.
Meanwhile, Elsewhere
The Service Drones and other menial support staff from the Massive were guided into the dank, not well-lit lower levels of the central convention hall and made to congregate in several large barrack rooms with the planet's preexisting staff. There, they were each given detailed work assignments for the days that the tournament would be taking place over, and each told when to present themselves to security officers for screening. After that, they were mostly left to their own devices, no one higher up seeing them as worth the effort to keep a close eye on.
As such, Bob was able to slip out of his assigned barracks without being noticed by anyone but his loyal muscle Garuk, who followed after him. Making their way down a corridor, they soon came across a solider leaning seemingly casually against a maintenance closet door. However, he subtly tensed up as he saw them approach, and narrowed his eyes suspiciously at them.
Hedging his bets that things had gone as planned, Bob didn't hesitate to raise one hand and defiantly give a thumbs up.
"Long live the New Order," he said firmly. The soldier stared silently at him for a moment, then slowly raised his hand to return the gesture.
"Long live the New Order," the soldier replied, before stepping aside and opening the door. Bob nodded in acknowledgment and walked into the closet, Garuk right behind him.
Calling the maintenance area a "closet" was a misnomer, as the storage space was big enough to fit a couple dozen people. Which it was at the moment, as short and midsized Irkens of several ranks had gathered; they were the leaders of various NIO cells from across the Empire, along with the agreed-upon one bodyguard for each.
"Welcome, my friends," Bob greeted as the door shut behind him, "This is truly a historic moment, the first organized meeting of the New Order's leadership-"
"So how about we don't waste time on speeches and get to the point?" someone cut him off. Bob frowned at the interruption and turned to the speaker, arching an antenna. Aside from being maybe an inch taller and with a slightly lankier build, the other Irken was nearly a mirror image of Bob himself.
"And you are?" he asked.
"Eloch, cell leader from Slumia," the lookalike replied, crossing his arms defiantly, "And I stand by what I said. We should be focusing on how we're going to strike against the Tallest, not pontificating."
"Fine, moving past the pleasantries then," Bob said, continuing to frown in annoyance, "As we all know, this will be the largest gathering of the Elite in years, with the eyes of the entire Empire on the tournament. This is the perfect opportunity to finally strike in force, and show the true might of our movement."
"Obviously we all agree, or we wouldn't be here," another cell leader said, "But what exactly are we supposed to do?"
"I think we all know the answer to that," Eloch said, "Our friends in the military have managed to smuggle us all plenty of weapons, right? Well, once the tournament starts and everyone's here, we should go in guns blazing and take out as many Elites as we can."
"That's too simplistic," Bob argued, "Besides which, half the damn Armada will be in attendance. We go in 'guns blazing', it won't take them long to move in and crush us. We need to be precise and surgical about this."
"What a surprise, the guy who's done nothing to actually contribute to the movement doesn't want to make a big move," Eloch sneered.
"Excuse me?" Bob demanded, practically snarling in outrage.
"You heard me," Eloch said, "The rest of us are out there rising up against the system, risking our lives to do so, while your cell just sits pretty on the Massive."
"Are you joking?" Bob shot back, "I'm the one who set up the Dark Irk-Net hub that gave us all a permanent and secure communications network, which is the only reason the movement's grown so rapidly, and I did all that under the Tallest's antennae!"
"So you're a glorified Communications Officer, big whoop," Eloch said, fake yawning. Bob was seriously about to lunge at him, when another cell leader spoke up.
"We're all fighting for the same cause in our own ways," she said, "Perhaps we should listen to what Bob has to say before we dismiss him out of hand?"
Composing himself, Bob nodded his thanks, and proceeded to tell the room his plan, smirking as even Eloch stared at him in shock.
"That… that's insane," Eloch sputtered, "There's going to be guards and Consulars all over the place, you'll never pull it off!"
"Someone like me, all the way at the bottom of our society, nothing more than background noise to most of our kind?" Bob asked, smirking at his newfound rival, "They won't even spare me a second glance. And look, if it it makes you feel any better, we can call your… simpler idea Plan B. Mine doesn't work, then we can go in and shoot up the place."
Eloch glared at the condescending tone that Bob was using, but they could both see that the others had been swayed by the sheer audacity of Bob's plan. So, with clear reluctance, he voiced his agreement to Bob's proposal along with everyone else. After that, it was just a matter of ironing out the details; once they had, the rebels departed as separately as they'd arrived, going off to prepare their parts in the new plan, Eloch being sure to shoot Bob an especially nasty glare as he did so.
"Arrogant kisgaree," Bob seethed as he and Garuk made their way down the corridor, being careful to keep his voice low just in case anyone was in listening range, "Organizing riots is easy. My work has been key to bringing together those small-scale efforts into something greater, and he acts like it's nothing?"
"No respect," Garuk agreed, as ever an Irken of few words.
"Well, it doesn't matter," Bob said with a smirk, "Once we've succeeded here, everyone will see that I'm the superior leader. And whenever Miz chooses to finally reveal himself, I'm sure to be greatly rewarded in the New Order."
Garuk nodded affirmatively and clapped Bob on the shoulder. Bob barely noticed, allowing a low chuckle to bubble up as he pictured his plan playing out, the great blow he would land against the Empire, and the place he would secure for himself in the annals of history.
Yes, these next couple of days were going to be very interesting…
Deep Space, Same Time
The Spittle Runner zoomed through space, zipping around asteroids and flying through nebulae, skimming over planetary rings and chasing comets. In the cockpit, Dib sat hunched over the controls, focus split evenly between piloting and still managing to observe the awe-inspiring sights, while the twins were focused entirely on the latter.
"Wow," Viera said, watching a pod of space whales floating nearby, "Gotta say, I'm starting to see why you guys like this space stuff so much."
"So are you finally going to admit the science side of the paranormal is better than the magic side?" Steve asked teasingly.
"Well, I wouldn't go that far," she replied with an exaggerated eye roll, earning chuckles from the boys. Looking to Dib, she then added, "Also, I've always meant to ask, but especially now — how exactly are you so good at flying an alien spaceship?"
"Meh, the controls aren't actually that much different from some human-made flight simulators I've tried over the years," Dib replied with a shrug, "Besides, I've told you guys about that time I piloted Mercury, right? Compared to flying a planet, this is nothing."
The twins could only nod in acknowledgment; from what they'd heard about that particular incident, neither could disagree with that assessment.
"So," Steve said, changing the subject, "When we get back, who are you going to show this thing off to first? Your dad, or the SEN bigwigs?"
"Neither," Dib said bitterly. When the twins blinked in confusion, he added, "I've already shown it off to both, and they've all written it off as a homemade fake. And I somehow doubt that showing that it's flight-capable now will change their minds."
"Er, right," Steve said, sharing an awkward look with Viera, neither quite sure what to say to that. And before they could come up with anything…
BAM
The ship came to a screeching halt, causing all three to jolt forward and bang against the console and canopy.
"Gah! What the hell?!" Dib said, as he righted himself and rubbed his sore head.
"Uh, is the ship supposed to be glowing like that?" Viera asked nervously, pointing at the ship's hull, which was shining with a bright blue light. Eyes widening, Dib leaned over to peer through the canopy as much as he could; from what he could see, the light was coming from above the ship, though he couldn't make out what was projecting it beyond a vague dark shape much bigger than the Spittle Runner.
"Oh crap," he said, "I think we've been caught in a tractor beam!"
"Wait, what?!" the twins exclaimed in tandem, likewise pressing up against the canopy to get a look.
"Is it the Irkens or someone else?" Viera asked, trying not to panic as the other ship started pulling the Runner towards it.
"I don't know, but grab your weapons just in case," Dib said, "Whoever it is just grabbed us, so we better be prepared if they want a fight."
The team quickly scrambled to ready their weapons, Dib slipping on his gauntlets while Steve whipped out a blaster and Viera held up and charged her amulet. A few minutes later, the Runner was pulled fully inside the other ship and was deposited on the floor of a large, darkened room.
"Attention Irken scum!" a digitally-distorted voice called out from the darkness, as a large number of hulking silhouettes with glowing eyes appeared in the shadows, "We have you surrounded! Surrender, or prepare to be vaporized!"
"Huh?" Steve said eloquently, while Dib barely restrained himself from face-palming while still wearing his gauntlets.
"We're in an Irken ship, so they think we're Irkens," he said, before quickly tearing off the gauntlets and hitting the button to pop open the canopy, throwing his arms up in surrender. Realizing what he was doing, the twins likewise dropped their weapons and put their hands up.
"Hang on! We're not Irkens! We just own an Irken ship!" Dib called out to the shadowed figures. There was a moment of silence, then some bright lights switched on… and the trio could only blink as they saw that the "hulking figures" were actually cardboard cutouts being held up and illuminated from behind with flashlights by a group of aliens of a diverse number of species.
"Grr, seriously?!" shouted a horned, grey-skinned alien that Dib recognized from the Runner's database as a Vortian, "Did nobody think to check whether there were actually any Irkens on this ship before we grabbed it?!"
"It's an Irken ship, we kinda just assumed," a thin alien with four arms who was holding up one of the cutouts said in response.
"Well, why didn't you do a lifeform scan to be sure?"
"…We can do that?"
As the Vortian growled in frustration, the humans slowly lowered their arms and stared in confusion. Sharing looks with his friends, Dib finally shrugged and decided to speak up.
"Um, excuse me?" he called out, the Vortian pausing in berating the others and returning his attention to them.
"Uh, right," the Vortian said, awkwardly clearing his throat before composing himself, "Sorry about the confusion, uh, weird hairless ape things-"
"Humans, we're humans," Dib interrupted to clarify, "I'm Dib, and this is Steve and Viera. And you are?"
"I am Captain Lard Nar, leader of the Resisty!" the Vortian proclaimed proudly.
"'Resisty'?" Steve echoed, arching an eyebrow.
"It's not a stupid name, shut up!" Lard Nar snapped, pointing dramatically at Steve.
"…I didn't say it was," Steve replied slowly.
"Oh. Uh, good, 'cause it's not," Lard Nar said, before giving another awkward cough, "Anyway, as long as we're exchanging introductions…"
For the next several minutes, Lard Nar introduced his crew. Afterwards, attention turned to the Spittle Runner, several of the Resisty members crowding around to examine the ship.
"Where'd you even get this thing?" Ixane, a female wearing a robe that completely concealed her body, asked as she looked over the console.
"It crashed in my yard last year. I've been working on getting it operational again ever since," Dib replied, "This was the celebratory test flight."
"It's impressive you managed to scrape this together without any expertise, I'll give you that," Lard Nar said, "Though professionally speaking, I wouldn't be too proud of a ship that was essentially dragged out of the trash."
"But boss, didn't we get our ship from a galactic junkyard?" Shloonktapooxis, the floating cone who was apparently second-in-command, commented.
"That's different! We were desperate!" Lard Nar snapped.
"Well, this is definitely a more positive interaction with aliens than we usually have," Viera said with an amused smile.
"Compared to Zim, Tak, and the others, that's not saying much," Steve noted. Apparently overhearing that, Lard Nar blinked and turned to face them.
"Did you just say 'Zim'?" he asked, holding a hand up to several inches below the top of his head, "About this tall, red eyes, huge ego, screams a lot?"
"You know him?" Dib asked, arching an eyebrow in surprise.
"Ugh, unfortunately. We used to work together back in the day," Lard Nar said with a combination of sigh and groan. Pulling out a device that looked oddly like a smartphone, he tapped at it a couple of times, and then turned it to the humans to show a group of aliens — mostly Irkens and Vortians, with a few members of some other species mixed in — all wearing lab coats and posing for the picture. And there, standing dead center and shoving Lard Nar and another, purple-skinned Vortian out of the way, was the unmistakable figure of Zim, beaming widely at the camera.
"Yeah, those were the good old days, when the Irkens actually treated other races as equal partners," Lard Nar said with a wistful sigh, before frowning, "Until that moron created that Infinite Energy Absorbing Blob of his, and let it eat Tallest Miyuki. Then my people got blamed for it, the alliance fell apart, and now we've been conquered for it. All because that idiot created something he couldn't control!"
"He still does that if it makes you feel any better," Dib commented, "Tends to bite him on the ass, too."
"That sounds about right," Lard Nar said, putting the device back in his pocket, "Anyway, sorry again about grabbing you like that. We were worried that you might be a scout ship and would report us. Can't exactly take that kind of risk, especially not with so much of the Armada gathered nearby for the tournament."
"What tournament?" Steve asked, the humans' collective curiosity suddenly piqued.
"The Irkens have gathered all the Invaders together in one place for a competition, with the winner getting promoted to command the Armada's newest battleship," Ixane explained, rolling her glowing eyes, "It's obviously just a big publicity stunt designed to distract everyone from the Miz broadcasts and all the unrest they're causing."
"The who what-now?" Dib asked, blinking in confusion.
"For months, a masked Irken — or, at least everyone assumes he's Irken — calling himself Miz has been making illegal broadcasts calling for revolution against the Empire's height-based hierarchy, which have been picking up support among the shorter Irkens. Honestly, I'd be impressed, except he's made it pretty clear that he's got no problem with the whole 'enslave the rest of the universe' thing," Lard Nar said, "It's just the same maresh in a different package, far as the rest of us are concerned."
"Wait, isn't 'Miz' just 'Zim' spelled backwards?" Viera said, face scrunching up in thought.
"Yeah. And he is rebelling, just like Zim is," Steve added.
For a moment, Dib's brow furrowed as he considered what his friends were saying, but then he shook his head.
"Nah, I don't buy it," he said, "While I can totally see Zim going with an alias that stupid, I can't see his ego allowing him to not claim credit for something like this."
"Yeah, fair point," Steve admitted, before turning back to Lard Nar, "Wait, you said that this tournament is happening nearby?"
"Yep, it's at Conventia, which is only a few lightyears away," the Vortian replied, "Normally we wouldn't get this close to such a large percentage of the Armada's forces — not after that fiasco last time we tried — but we've realized this is a rare opportunity to strike a mighty blow against the Empire's tyranny."
"Like what?" Dib asked, intrigued. In response, Lard Nar pulled his phone-like device back out, and with a tap brought up an image of an Irken about a foot taller than Zim, with a more rectangular head.
"Invader Larb," Lard Nar practically spat the name out, "The hefloosha who conquered my planet, and as a reward was allowed to take personal possession of our most treasured cultural artifact — the Universe's Most Comfortable Couch."
"A comfy couch? That's your 'cultural artifact'?" Viera asked, incredulous.
"The title's not bragging, it's a literal fact, the result of decades of hard work by the finest minds in all of Vortian space," Lard Nar said defensively, "And now that Irken is using it as bragging rights of how he helped his people stab mine in the back. This is a matter of pride!"
"So you're going to do what, exactly? Assassinate him for it?"
"What?" Lard Nar blinked, "No, we're just going to steal the couch back. According to his Irk-Net posts, he never goes anywhere without it these days, so it'll be at the tournament. We break in and we take it, then we rub it in the Irkens' dumb faces."
"…You're going to break into a place where you just said a good chunk of the Irken military is going to be gathered, so you can steal a couch," Dib stated flatly, "That's the best plan you could come up with?"
"Well what would you have decided to do, huh?" Lard Nar asked, frowning in annoyance.
"If so many important Irkens are going to be there, why not just bomb them from orbit or something?" Steve suggested, "That would take out a huge chunk of your enemies at once."
There was a moment of silence as Lard Nar stared at them, then he turned and glared at his crew.
"Why didn't any of you come up with that?! That's a much better plan!" he exclaimed.
"I did," Ixane snapped, "I said that this was a perfect opportunity to decapitate the Armada, but then Spleenk said, and I quote, 'that sounds too hard, let's do something else'. And then Shloonktapooxis suggested the couch, and you decided to go with it."
"…Oh, right. I remember now," Lard Nar said, laughing awkwardly, "But, yeah, we'll work out how to do that instead, like you and the humans said. Hey, speaking of which, you three want in on this?"
"Really?" Dib asked, eyes lighting up, "You actually want our help?"
"Sure, why not? You can't possibly be any worse at it than most of the people on this ship," Lard Nar said, muttering that last bit and shooting dirty looks at several of his crew members.
"Ringing endorsement," Viera said dryly.
"Come on, you can't say that taking part in an alien revolution doesn't sound extremely cool," Steve said.
"Sure, it sounds cool, but I've got a bad feeling about it."
"It'll be fine, we've been through worse on our own, and now we've got backup," Dib said, "Come on, let's see if they'll give us a tour of the ship."
With that, the three walked off, following the Resisty members down a hallway that led deeper into the ship.
Conventia System, Same Time
Tak and Tenn's Voot Cruiser dropped out of hyperspace on the outer edge of the system, and were greeted by the sight of Conventia itself, the planet's orbital ring filled to the brim with Irken ships of various kinds. The Massive and the rest of the core of the Armada floated apart from this, standing tall and mighty and looming over all the other ships that had arrived.
But what really caught their attention was the huge vessel kept separate from all the rest. While nowhere near as big as the Massive, it looked to be nearly five miles long, weapon arrays running up and down that length. With the curved protrusions covering the exhaust ports at its rear, the tube-like main body, and the arrow-shaped head, the ship looked very much like a medieval battle ax.
"That must be the Dreadnut," Tenn commented, "Stupid name aside, that is one impressive ship."
"Yes it is. Just imagine what I'll be able to do once I'm in command of it," Tak said, smirking triumphantly at the thought.
"I think I'll focus on what I'm going to do with it," Tenn replied with a smirk of her own as Tak's shifted into a frown and glare.
Before this could develop into a full argument, however, they reached the docking ring and quickly inserted themselves into one of the few vacant spots left. With a flash of light, the two of them and MIMI were teleported down to the planet's surface. Looking around, they saw they were near the central convention hall, several other Irkens that they recognized as Invaders making their way towards a side entrance; realizing this was probably where they were supposed to go, they started walking in that direction.
Reaching the entrance, they saw that a checkpoint had been set up. A scanner had been put up in front of the doorway, flanked by several guards monitoring it. Under the watchful gaze of these guards, Tenn walked forward first, passing through the doorway as her PAK was scanned, the scanner's lights flashing green in affirmation. Then Tak walked through as well, and the scanner flashed red and buzzed an alarm, causing the guard directly on the other side of the scanner — who happened to be Peech — to drop a shock staff in Tak's path, blocking her.
"Sorry, Invaders only," she said, "Everyone else uses the main entrance, and that's not open until tomorrow."
"I am an Invader!" Tak snarled, while MIMI tensed up next to her.
"Really? Because according to this, you're a janitor," Peech replied, gesturing to a datapad displaying the scanner's results. Tak's eye twitched in response.
"The Tallest personally assigned me a planet to conquer! That should override the fact that I haven't been re-encoded yet!" she snapped, shooting a look to Tenn, "Back me up here!"
"Hey, don't look at me. I told you this would happen," Tenn said with a shrug.
"Grah, you're useless!" Tak snarled, before turning back to Peech, "I demand to be let in!"
"Sorry, not happening," Peech replied, as several other guards grew tense at the continuing argument, "Now, I suggest you move along."
"Absolutely not! If anyone deserves to be here, it's me!" Tak said, "If you won't let me in, then I demand to speak to your superior!"
"Uh… you, really don't want to do that," Peech said with a wince, "She's not the type of person you wanna get involved in a dispute over proper protocol."
"I don't care! Get her down here right now!" Tak snapped.
"Fine, it's your funeral," Peech said, turning to speak quietly into a communicator. A few minutes later, during which Tak impatiently tapped her foot while Tenn and the guards stood awkwardly watching her, the door opened and Wiyn stepped out, Mook following behind her with a datapad in hand.
"Alright, what's so urgent?" Wiyn asked, sounding annoyed at having been summoned.
"This janitor is claiming to be an Invader and is demanding entry to the tournament," Peech explained, gesturing to Tak, who glared at her.
"I am not a janitor!"
"You are according to this," Mook said, having scanned Tak with his pad and pulled up her profile, which earned him a glare as well.
"Really, that's it? You couldn't handle this on your own?" Wiyn asked Peech with a scoff.
"Hey, I tried, but she was being belligerent and demanded to talk to you," Peech replied crossly.
"Oh, is that right?" Wiyn said, looking to Tak, "And what do you have to say for yourself?"
"I was personally assigned by the Tallest to conquer a planet in order to prove myself as an Invader, and that therefore overrides the oversight of my not having been properly encoded as one," Tak said, "And if you would just bother to talk to the Tallest about this, they'd easily clear it up."
"Uh-huh," Wiyn said dryly, "Mook, anything on her file that backs any of this up?"
"No, Commander," Mook replied, "In fact, according to this she's AWOL from her assignment detail on Dirt."
"Oh. Well, in that case," Wiyn said, snapping her fingers. In response, Peech and the other guards all leveled their staves at a suddenly surprised Tak.
"What is this?" Tak shouted, as MIMI tensed next to her and even the onlooking Tenn looked shocked.
"You're under arrest for dereliction of duty," Wiyn replied with a smirk, "We all have a duty to the Empire to perform our assigned roles, and you've abandoned yours, so you need to be punished."
"Wait a minute, you can't do this!" Tak said, deploying her PAK legs as the guards started to advance on her.
"Sure I can," Wiyn sneered, "Now seize he-"
"Is there a problem here, Commander?" Darth asked from right behind Wiyn, causing her to jump.
"Stop doing that!" she snapped as she turned around to face him, "And there's no problem, just a rogue janitor trying to present herself as an Invader."
"How many times do I have to explain that I am an Invader?!" Tak snapped, "Fix your antennae!"
"Hmm," Darth mused, eyes glowing slightly as he reached out with his powers to see through everyone else's eyes and properly examine the situation. Taking a good look at Tak this way, he nodded and said, "Ah yes, you're the one who the Tallest allowed to compete with Zim to see who could conquer Earth first."
"Thank you, I'm glad someone around here actually pays attention," Tak said, relaxing slightly as she saw the guards all appeared suddenly unsure what to do in the Consular's presence.
"Considering Zim's not a real Invader either, that's not saying much in her defense," Wiyn said.
"Well, then clearly we should speak to the Tallest and get a direct answer, shouldn't we?" Darth said, his tone making it clear it wasn't so much a suggestion as it was an order. Wiyn grit her teeth at being bossed around, but grunted and nodded in consent.
"Fine. But if they get pissed about being bothered with this, it's on you," she said.
"Understood. Shall we?" Darth said, gesturing to the door before turning and walking towards it. Wiyn grumbled several insults under her breath as she watched him go, before shooting a glare at Tak.
"You, come along and don't try anything else," she snarled, before turning to Peech and adding, "And you come along too. Try to be useful and keep an eye on her."
Peech glared back at Wiyn, but knew better than to verbally respond. Instead, she just turned to Tak and gestured with her staff to follow Wiyn and Mook as they walked after Darth. Tak merely snorted derisively at that, since going inside was what she was trying to do in the first place, so she stomped after the others. Tenn, who everyone else had pretty much ignored during this whole exchange, walked over to match pace with her while Peech brought up the rear.
"Thanks for all the help, partner," Tak spat at Tenn, while MIMI glared at her from her mistress' other side.
"I warned you that something like this would happen. Don't blame me for you being too stubborn to stay out of trouble," Tenn replied evenly, "And besides which, I wasn't about to say or do anything to get on this Commander's bad side; I've heard stories about her."
"Believe everything you've heard," Peech commented from behind them, "She's as vicious as a Snarl Beast when provoked."
"Who asked you?" Tak snapped. Peech only shrugged in response, and the group continued following Wiyn and Darth in silence. Before long, they reached the end of the long corridor they were walking down, and arrived at a set of doors flanked by a half-dozen guards. Said guards looked confused at the group's approach, but at a gesture from Wiyn allowed them all to pass through the doors without a problem.
The room they entered was a ballroom-sized lounge. Lush carpeting coated the entire floor, banners displaying the Imperial and Invader logos ran along the walls, and there were several large and fully-stocked buffet tables scattered around the room. The Tallest sat on comfy recliner chairs atop a platform at the back of the room, surrounded by guards, service drones, Advisors, and a couple of Consulars. Also in the room were a few dozen Irkens in Invader uniforms, standing around and either helping themselves to the snacks or speaking in groups — with one notable exception being Invader Larb, who was laid out on the Universe's Most Comfortable Couch, surrounded by a large group, all of whom seemed to be fawning over him.
"He actually brought the couch with him?" Tak muttered in disbelief.
"Of course he did, the arrogant, lazy kisgaree," Tenn muttered back, as the group continued towards the Tallest, earning confused looks from everyone they passed along the way.
"My Tallest, a moment of your time?" Darth called out as the group reached the podium.
"What is it?" Purple asked disinterestedly around a mouth of curly fries, while Red sipped a soda.
"We have a minor situation that requires your attention," Darth explained, gesturing to Wiyn to elaborate.
"This janitor is claiming that you made her an Invader, despite the fact that she's not encoded as one and is listed as AWOL from her assigned duties on Dirt," Wiyn said, gesturing to Tak, who shot her another glare.
"Oh yeah, we never did have you re-encoded when we agreed to let you try to take over Earth, did we?" Red commented casually, glancing at the Advisors, "Someone make a note to have us do that later… no, wait, scratch that. Almost forgot that her getting officially encoded as an Invader was reliant on actually conquering that backwater."
"So, she can't partake in the tournament? And I can arrest her for dereliction of duty?" Wiyn asked for clarification, while Tak tensed up.
"Meh, it's fine," Red waved her off, "We okay'd her being on Earth, I guess that overrides any other technicalities."
"But, that's not proper protocol," Wiyn protested, while Tak breathed a sigh of relief.
"Proper smoper," Purple snorted, "We're in charge, what we say goes. So if we say it's okay for what's-her-face here to compete, then it's okay."
"Thank you, my Tallest," Tak said, bowing her head and shooting a smug look at Wiyn; while it was annoying that her leaders apparently didn't remember her name, at least they were forcing Wiyn to back off and acknowledge that she was supposed to be there.
"Yeah, okay, go mingle or whatever. And someone get me some nachos!" Purple said, ending the conversation.
Wiyn grumbled angrily to herself and walked off. Watching this, Tak and Tenn traded looks, then shrugged and walked away to join one of the groups of mingling Invaders who had been watching this whole exchange.
"Well, you two definitely know how to make an entrance," Invader Slacks commented dryly as the pair and MIMI approached his group.
"Back off, Slacks. Don't poke the Digestor," Tenn warned, noting Tak's eyes narrowing in response.
"Hey, weren't we in the same training class on Devastis?" Invader El asked, giving Tak an inquisitive look.
"Yes we were," Tak replied with a smug smirk, "As I recall, you were near the bottom of the class rankings."
"Yeah? Well, I'm the one who actually became an Invader, janitor," El sneered back.
"That was because Zim caused that damn blackout and cost me my chance at the exams," Tak growled, "If that hadn't happened, I'd have creamed you and everyone else, and I'd be the one you'd all be groveling to instead of that idiot Larb."
"I dunno, just because you were good at the Academy doesn't mean you would have been successful as an actual Invader," Invader Chin said, "Look at Tenn here — top of every class, and she still totally blew her assignment."
Now it was Tenn who was growling as the group laughed at her misfortune.
"I'd like to see how well any of you would have done with a horde of malfunctioning SIRs going berserk in your bases," she snapped, "And I highly doubt any of you would have lasted as long as I did, stranded alone on Meekrob. It wasn't as easy as Flobee's cakewalk."
"Hey! I worked hard on my mission!" Invader Flobee protested.
"Please. Everyone knows that all you did was strap some rocks to yourself, and those idiot rock creatures started worshipping you," Tak scoffed.
"They've kinda got a point, man," Slacks said.
"Yeah, you really got off easy compared to the rest of us," Chin added.
Flobee scowled, and opened his mouth to no doubt to defend his efforts, when a loud beeping sound filled the air. Everyone blinked at the sudden noise and turned to face it, finding that every security guard's communicators were going off at the same time. Blinking in confusion at this for a moment, Wiyn frowned and tapped at her communicator.
"What is it now?" she snarled, "And I swear to Irk, if it's another janitor…"
"Commander! We have a priority situation at the entrance!" a voice shouted over the communicator, "We need back- hey, what are you doing?! No, stay back! AHH!"
"…Hello?" Wiyn asked awkwardly, after the communicator went to silence following that last scream. Meanwhile, everyone else in the room went alert; the Tallest shot up from their chairs while the room's guard contingent all moved to put themselves between their leaders and the door, all the Invaders tensed in preparation for a possible fight, and the Consulars' eyes all lit up as they used their powers to try and foresee what was happening… and they all blinked in confusion.
"You have got to be kidding me," Darth said after a few moments of quiet shock, for once sounding nowhere near calm and collected. And before anyone could ask what he meant, the room's doors were knocked clean out of their frame, hitting the floor with a clang and the hallway guards all piled on top of them.
And there, standing in the now bare doorway, hands on hips and teeth bared in a mocking grin, was Zim.
"Boo," he said flatly, breaking the shocked silence that greeted him.
"You?!" Red snarled, shoving guards aside to hover forward and glare venomously at Zim, "You actually have the nerve to show your face here, you filthy mekrelmar?"
"Well, why wouldn't I come, my Tallest?" Zim asked as he entered the room followed by a nervous Skoodge and oblivious GIR, spitting the title as he spoke it, "After all, you did send out an open invitation to this tournament."
"Yeah, for Invaders, which you're not!" Purple pointed out.
"Hmm, funny you should say that," Zim said with a smirk, pulling a recorder out of his PAK and playing a segment of the announcement.
"All active and former Invaders are invited to partake in a competition-"
"All active and former Invaders," Zim repeated with a smug smirk, "And while you may have stripped me of my rank, I was an Invader once. So technically, that invitation applies to me too."
There was another moment of silence as everyone processed the fact that Zim had taken the time to exploit a legal loophole, then the Tallest were glaring at their Advisors.
"Why did you morons word the announcement like that?" Red demanded.
"My Tallest, we simply wanted to make sure that all Invaders could participate regardless of whether they were in the middle of their assignments or had completed them," one Advisor said nervously, "We obviously never thought that a self-proclaimed rebel and traitor would take advantage of it!"
"Well, you should have!" Purple snapped, "Throw him out the airlock!"
"…My Tallest, we're not onboard a ship," Peech pointed out, after a moment of the guards all looking at each other in confusion.
"Oh, right," Purple said awkward. Looking around, he glanced at the ceiling with a thoughtful frown and asked, "How tall is this building?"
"Uh, 50 stories," Peech replied, now more confused.
"Then throw him off the roof!"
Everyone watched as a group of the guards shrugged and then obeyed the order, grabbing the Advisor in question and dragging him screaming out of the room. Once they were all out of sight, everyone turned back to Zim's group.
"Now then, as for you," Red said with a scowl, "If you think for a minute that we'll actually let you compete, regardless of what that stupidly-worded invitation says, you're crazier than I thought!"
"See, Skoodge, didn't I tell you?" Zim said to his companion, "Trying to loophole their way out of giving me what I have a right to, just because they're afraid of me."
"What?!" Red snarled.
"You heard me," Zim replied, "You know I'm better than all your precious so-called 'real' Invaders, and will easily wipe the floor with all of them. And you're afraid of how that'll make you look when I do."
Red growled at the insult, and even Purple was frowning at this point. Not helping either's disposition was the mumbled whispers that were spreading among the Invaders and guards as they watched this exchange.
"Okay, you Defective kisgaree. Is that how you want to play it? Then fine, you're in!" Red declared.
"Wait, what?!" several voices shouted at once, Tak's the loudest of them all, "Are you kidding?!"
"You all heard him!" Purple said, "We're letting Zim compete so that we can crush him and show him how inferior he really is."
"My Tallest, I must protest this," Darth said firmly.
"For once I agree with him," Wiyn added, "Letting a wannabe Invader in is one thing, but this traitor shouldn't even be allowed to walk free, much less participate!"
"We're in charge here, we decide what happens," Red snapped, before raising his voice to address the whole room, "I fully expect every single Invader here to kick Zim's c'horta during the tournament. In fact, I'm now declaring a bonus prize of a million monies if any of you 'accidentally' kill him in the process!"
"What about Skoodge?" Invader Spleen called out, "I mean, isn't he a traitor too?"
"Oh yeah," Red said, having forgotten about the fatter Irken, "I dunno, a thousand monies for him, I guess? That seems fair."
"And this coupon to Grub Demon! I don't want it anymore!" Purple added, holding up the paper slip in question.
"That's mildly insulting," Skoodge muttered.
"But, my Tallest-" Wiyn tried to continue protesting, only for Red to cut her off with a raised hand.
"The decision is made," he said, tone making it clear that the matter was no longer up for debate. Reluctantly, Wiyn and Darth both frowned and bowed their heads in acquiescence to the order. Nodding at this, Red turned back to Zim and scowled.
"I'm gonna enjoy watching you get thrashed," he spat.
"And I'm going to enjoy disappointing you," Zim replied with a mocking bow, before turning and marching towards a snack table, Skoodge and GIR quickly following them and everyone else giving them a wide berth.
"I don't believe this," Tak snarled as she watched her nemesis help himself to the Invaders' refreshments, "I had to practically force my way into this tournament, and he just waltzes in and makes the Tallest let him participate?"
There were grumbles of agreement from most of the surrounding Invaders; if there was one thing they could all agree on, it was how much they despised Zim.
"I don't suppose you could, you know, melt his brain or something?" Tenn asked Darth as he passed the group on his way stalking away from the Tallest in a huff.
"Oh, I wish I could, after what he did to Tallest Miyuki," Darth growled, clenching his fists in barely-suppressed rage, "Unfortunately, my powers won't work on him."
Now that caught everyone's attention, the whole group turning to stare at him in surprise at that. Even Tak snapped out of glaring at Zim to look at him with wide eyes.
"How is that possible?" she demanded.
"To a psychic, the minds of others are like beacons in an ocean, easy to see and latch onto," Darth explained, "But Zim… he's like a hurricane."
"Well, that doesn't sound too bad," El said.
"A hurricane made out of barbed wire and broken glass that's been set on fire," Darth elaborated, leaving everyone blinking at the analogy, "It's almost physically painful just being in the same room as him. Trying to actually connect to his mind and exert my powers on it? I'd either end up dead, comatose, or insane."
"Wait a minute, let me get this straight," Slacks said, "You're saying that Zim's so crazy, he's immune to psychic powers?"
"Essentially, yes. I honestly don't know how he's even functional," Darth replied with a sigh, before composing himself, "In any case, I sincerely wish you all luck tomorrow. I don't care which of you wins, just crush that pest."
"Gladly," Tak said, she and most of the others returning to shooting glares at Zim.
Meanwhile, Zim allowed himself some smug satisfaction as he helped himself to some Vort dogs and felt the various hateful gazes burning holes in his back. He was so pleased that he didn't even care that GIR had already wrecked most of the buffet as he stuffed half the table's contents in his mouth.
"I honestly can't believe this worked," Skoodge said, looking around nervously.
"I told you, insult these fools' pride, and they'll do anything to prove you wrong," Zim scoffed, before lowering his voice to add in a whisper, "And now they've handed me the perfect chance to not only prove my superiority, but strike a major propaganda coup. Imagine how much support the New Order will get once someone cast aside as a Defective defeats the best the Elite has to offer. Plus, I get a super-cool battleship, so there's that."
"Yeah, I guess that'd be fun to have, but I'm just worried if we'll even survive this whole thing," Skoodge commented, eyeing the visibly angry crowd warily, "Especially with Nyx outside on her own. I mean, I like her and all, but I don't know if I trust her to not cause any trouble when we don't need it."
"Meh, Ying will keep her in line," Zim said, waving off Skoodge's concerns, "Now let me focus on basking in everyone's envy of my greatness."
Skoodge was pretty sure that "envy" wasn't the emotion that was being directed at them at the moment, but chose not to comment on it. Instead, he decided to grab some of the food that GIR hadn't gotten to yet, and try to relax as much as he could. After all, it was going to be a long wait to the next day, and things wouldn't get any better from there…
Resisty Ship, Near Conventia, Next Day
Team Save Earth stood with the Resisty crew aboard the bridge of their ship, looking out the viewscreen at the Armada gathered around Conventia.
"That, uh, that's a lot of ships," Steve said nervously, "Suddenly, I'm having second thoughts about this."
"Don't tell them that, they look like they're all about to panic," Viera muttered back to him, gesturing to the clearly on-edge aliens.
"She's right, you better say something to perk them up," Dib commented to Lard Nar, who was himself fidgeting in his command chair. He jumped slightly as Dib spoke to him, before composing himself and nodding in agreement.
"Okay, everyone, let's stay calm here," the Vortian said, raising his voice to get the room's attention, "We knew what was going to be waiting for us here, and we've taken precautions. This ship is installed with a state of the art cloaking device that will render us completely invisible."
"Are you sure about that?" Dib asked, "I've seen a cloaking device in action before, and it left the person inside the thing it was cloaking visible."
"Hmm? Oh, wait, was it in a Megadoomer?" Lard Nar asked.
"Maybe? I didn't get the name, but it was a mech with two legs," Dib replied.
"Yep, that's a Megadoomer," Lard Nar said with a chuckle, "Before I managed to escape imprisonment, I heard rumors that my fellow scientists were intentionally sabotaging those things by making the cloaks that inefficient."
"Really? Huh, that's pretty clever, actually," Steve commented.
"It helps that the Irkens tend to just blame problems on whoever's nearest at hand rather than figuring out who's actually responsible," Ixane noted from the crowd.
"Right," Lard Nar said with a nod, "Anyway, as I was saying, the Irkens won't see us coming. If we were getting into a fight, they'd probably still be able to find us and shoot us down, but as it is, we'll just slip right by them down to the surface; there's plenty of spaces where we can land the ship and hide it until we complete the mission. Which, to clarify, will be to sneak into the main convention hall, and plant bombs to blow up all the Invaders and other Elites… and maybe steal the Couch back if we have time."
The humans, and Ixane, all rolled their eyes as the others all cheered at that last bit.
"We shall move in swiftly, but quietly," Lard Nar continued, starting to get amped up, "We shall strike a mighty blow against the Irken war machine, the likes of which they've never seen! This shall be the first step in liberating all our worlds, and then-!"
"Hey boss, are we the red thingy or the green thingy?" Shloonktapooxis called from where he was floating next to a console.
"…What?" Lard Nar asked flatly, as the wind was taken out of his sails by the non-sequitur.
"Well, on this screen there's a red thingy heading toward the green thingy, and I can't remember which is supposed to be us," the flying cone responded, pointing with the bottom of his body at a screen on his console.
"Isn't that the battle scanner?" Ixane asked, her and Lard Nar's eyes widening in alarm.
BOOM
The entire ship suddenly rocked, everyone barely managing to stay on their feet.
"What the hell was that?!" Dib shouted, bracing himself against a console.
"Missile strike! Presumably from them!" Ixane responded, pointing out the viewscreen, where several Shuvvers were rapidly crossing the void of space towards the Resisty's ship.
"Attention unidentified vessel," a voice broadcast over the bridge's speakers, "You are trespassing on the territory of the Irken Empire. Surrender immediately or prepare to be obliterated!"
"Evasive action!" Lard Nar shouted to the pilots, who jumped to their stations and sent the ship flying away, the Shuvvers chasing after and firing missiles and lasers after them, "And someone start returning fire!"
"But I thought you said we were cloaked!" Viera said, shouting to be heard as most of the aliens started running around and screaming in panic, only a couple grabbing the weapons controls to start shooting behind them back at the pursuing Irken ships.
"We are! Or we're supposed to be, at least!" Lard Nar exclaimed, frantically tapping away at a screen on his chair's armrest, only for it to flash something at him, "Wha… what do you mean it's offline, you hunk of junk?! I personally installed it and it was working fine!"
"Wait, are we talking about that big glowing tube thing we installed in the hall across from the break room?" Spleenk asked, being one of the few not panicking.
"Yes, why?" Lard Nar asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
"Oh, well, when I bought that new espresso machine, it wouldn't work in any of the outlets in the break room, so I unplugged the big thing to make room," Spleenk explained.
"You did what?!" Lard Nar snarled, "You moron! If we don't die, I'm gonna kill you!"
"Forget that, we need to turn the cloak back on!" Dib pointed out, "Where is it?"
"Down the main corridor, fourth door on the left," Lard Nar said, pointing towards the bridge door, "It was the only place we could install it without having to completely overhaul the power system-"
"We don't care!" Viera snapped, as she and the boys ran out of the bridge and down the corridor, the ship continuing to shake around them as the dogfight kept unfolding. After a few moments, they reached their destination, and entered a room the size of a large maintenance closet. Taking up most of the space was a metal and glass tube the size of a wardrobe… and next to, a rather mundane-looking espresso maker, plugged into an outlet surrounded by a bunch of discarded cables.
"Do we even wanna know why aliens have what looks like an Earth-made espresso machine?" Viera asked, as she yanked it out of the outlet and stepped aside to let Dib and Steve get to work on reattaching the cloaking device.
"We can worry about something like that later," Dib said as he tried to get the cables back into their sockets, "Does this one go here?"
"No, I think it goes here," Steve replied, jamming a cable into an outlet while directing Dib to another one. After a few minutes of trial and error, they seemed to get it right, as the cloaking device started glowing with a bright light cycling through the entire visible spectrum, and the ship stopped shaking.
"Hey, great work!" Lard Nar's voice came over the intercom, "We're cloaked again, the Irkens seem to have lost track of us."
The humans all breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing that.
"Okay, that was intense," Steve said, "I mean, not quite as much as our usual fights, but still."
"Yeah, I think it feels a little different when we're just passengers rather than actually participating," Viera noted, "Either of you feel like we're just a little out of our depth here?"
"Maybe, but I also figure we're already committed to helping out here, so we can't leave yet," Dib said, "Come on, let's get back to the others."
Before long, the trio were back on the bridge, watching as Conventia got bigger on the screen. Seeing them enter, Lard Nar waved them over to join everyone else.
"Fortunately, it looks like that patrol thinks we're still hiding out at the outer edge of the system," he said, "Now, that little hiccup aside, we can land and properly plan our next step."
"Land where, exactly?" Steve asked, looking at the screen, "It looks like the planet's one big city."
"Yeah, but that's just another example of wasteful Irken engineering," Ixane sneered, "They convert an entire planet for a single purpose, and then even at the best of times only use a fraction of its total surface area."
"Right, which means there's plenty of abandoned areas we can hide out in," Lard Nar elaborated, as the ship entered the atmosphere, "We'll just land in one, and then-AH!"
The Vortian's explanation was cut off as the ship suddenly shook violently again.
"Now what?!" Dib and Lard Nar exclaimed in tandem.
"It looks like the transition from vacuum to atmosphere agitated the damage we got from that missile impact," Ixane reported from where she was examining a console.
"You didn't stop to check to see how bad that was?" Viera snapped, "I'm not a mechanic, but even I know you're supposed to do that!"
"Complain later!" Ixane snapped back, "Right now, we need to focus on the fact that our power systems are compromised! If we lose power to the engines, we'll drop out of the sky!"
As if on cue, the lights and consoles all suddenly went dead. Everyone was left staring at each other in the dark for a moment, and then the ship was plummeting at rapid speed.
"Reroute emergency power to the thrusters to slow our descent!" Lard Nar shouted to the pilots, "Everyone else, brace for impact!"
The next few minutes passed in a blur of panicked screams from humans and aliens alike, mixed with swears from the pilots as they desperately hammered at their controls, all while the ground grew rapidly closer on the screen. Then, with just a few hundred feet left, the ship shuddered as its thrusters sprang back to life; the ship started to slow, but it clearly wasn't enough.
With a massive thud and bang, the ship hit the ground hard. Everyone was sent flying off their feet from the impact, and then there was only darkness…
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End Episode 10
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A/N: How's that for a cliffhanger? Haven't done one of those since the climax of Season 1. Hope it's not too sudden.
Anyway, gotta say, this chapter somehow really ballooned out of my original plan. I was originally going to show the first challenge or two of the tournament, but we were already running long, so I figure I'll just put everything into Part 2. Which will be pretty busy, between the tournament itself, Zim screwing things up for everyone to make himself look better, and Bob and the other NIO operatives putting his mystery plan into action (while butting heads), all while Team Save Earth and the Resisty are going to be running around.
Speaking of which, I cannot tell you all how long I've waited to introduce that lovable bunch of freedom-fighting idiots. I know I didn't that much with them overall in this chapter, but that's going to change, and it'll definitely be fun.
Also, final side note, but if anyone's curious about the Dreadnut's appearance, it's based on the Blade Ship from Animorphs (I grew up in the late 90s/early 00s, sue me).
Next time: The tournament gets underway. Take your bets on how long it takes everything to blow up.
Until then, please review, and stay safe out there!