Here's the next chapter. The whole boyz dormaterry was woken up violently by some lit INSANE screaming, hollering, quiet sighing, yelling and loud vocalization. It was Harry. He was AWAKE. If u remember he passed out last night from yipes shart calf birth.1 Something was wrong. Very wrong. Harry was literally so pissed like he was on his period or something?! Or maybe it was because his newborn woke him up mooing and yipping for mommy's warm milk. Harry is a manly boy so obviously he can't produce any yum yums for his baby boy Burt. instead, he scrolled through facebook marketplace lackadaisically and angry-likeand with chagrin and found a citrus squeezer or juicer for a reasonable u no! He has a orange tree out his ass! His owl fucking crashed into the dorm window and dropped the juicer delivery from fb mktplc! This is why harry is so mad. Ok now u are caught up to speed (the drug)
(LAST NIGHT...)
So, all those peeps who waltzed right into Harry' s beddybye chamber (lured by the indescribably scrumptious, unctuous scent of FAT dookie and acne, mind you) saw him give birth, and shit his own self, and simulatneoulsy they also watched Dobby be a perfectly Stinky weird pervert uwu doing the ol' raid.
Harry was coming to, hard. He shuddered at the sight of all the brown that covered his blankies and sleeping bag and bean bag. He then passed out again from fear and disgust. This time, for good. Until the next morning when he had woken up.
Yes, so, the next morning is now. Yeah now it is the future So the juicer was for juicing Haryr's Ahranges to make a sustenance for his newborn, bc as we had already mention, he had no teet to suckle. He had actually scratched off all his teets with his nails by accident becauz he was a man and dindnt want anyone to see his. Beacuse hes a BOY. . (girls sucks and r crazyYeah like my Ex- wIfe, Ray Bradburryetta. HAHA theres a reason shes ur ex. She cheated on u with fuckbeek) For some reason, the idea of Burt Orange Albus Jr Potter being hungry made Harry incredibly ANGRY and hangry. He probably just needed to drink some water or protein powder mixed with water in a shaker bottle or perhaps a blender bottle. Or a complete cookie from Lean Zehbra, the local wizard market. Or WIZ-MART. "000000000OH THAT REMINDS ME " cried-sighed Harry. "I need to run by Wiz-Mart on my errands today to pick up some padding for my asshole. You know, because of the live birth and tree-burn." 'technically it was a water birth because of all the runny poop.' thought Snacker
So Harry was honestly SO DONE with everything, especially having to go to school while also being a full-time single mum and devoted to Dobby (who was a real handful JESSE) and also like fighting Vulvdemort.( thesres a evil guy named vulvlamort. We will get to it eventually) He hated his dumb fucking newborn with a passion. He hated that Burt Orange was getting in the way of his cool teen fantasy lifestyle and Bible3 Study group. And he especially hated the way it looked at him with pure, innocent love and unconditional acceptance.
Harry began to act out.
He didn't study anymore. Not even the bible. He refused to study for class and tests. He also refused any food, being a difficult child. But he had a huge stash of candy under his bed. It gave him mad cavvies, which then, in turn, caused mad tooth decay and stinky breath. Like a dog!
One day, it had been finals week. Harry just suddenly realized that he didint want to have to repeat the year or go to summer school, so he panicked in tandem.
He real quick rode his tandem bicycle to Hag's hut, where it was safe to practice magic. It was unsafe in Hogwarts bc of the low budget and the rotting ceilings and whatnot.
Hagrid helped him, being a potions master and all, create a diddler's potion. But That's not all. He also helped him make the potion "Quark and Thyme the herb LAurenSmith Felicituis Felatio SeaCrafter's Brew" which was used to cheat on tests. This test was for Radical Elk Strategies class, which was REALLY important. He couldn't flub this one, or else he was gonna be toast! And
Picked off his family tree! And also uhh. Repeat the year, and that would be bad.
It became the next day , and it came to pass that HArry was ready to go to his final for RES. Because of this curse that made it impossible to do illegal drugs and poppers and potions anywhere except for in class, Harry was driven to sMUGGLE the potion into the classroom, via his rectum. Anally.
So Harry did waht Harry does best, and keistered the potion swiftly and with great skill (and chagrin). IT easily slid past the turnstyles in his asshole, which were meant for visitors to pay for entry to ride his ass train. It was a bit like Osmosis Jones2 in there ;) It smoothly and deftly and deathly chortled through Harry's inner labyrinth, going past the Orange Tree that we all know and love by now. It soaked his bark. The flood shook his mounds, and schooled him in the art of being damp. He shivered with delight and malice. And ill-intent as he played with his Jacob's Ladder toy while the potion slid up to its final position.
Okay, so the potion's up his ass.
Well, with that out of the way, Harry got dressed for class. He draped over his naked flesh, his bedsheet. It had stains from that diarrheal episode the other day and was stiff with brown. He fashioned a hat out of a spare IKEA shelf. His regular hat was in the wizard laundry and he wouldn't be caught DEAD without a hat. His neck necked a necklace and neckts thing he knew, his neck had a necklace on, a pearl one, filled with neckromancy, just in case. His usual shoes were also in the wizard laundry so he had to put on some of Burt Orange's light up velcro specialty hoof sneakers onto his 18-year old feet. But before he put them on he had to think about it a litle, and so Harry thoughtfuly rubbed his feet together while he thought. Upon rubbing, his feet made a papery noise that a little rat in the corner of the room thought would be a great noise for his ASMR yutube the rat recorded on it's gopro, posted it to youtube, and it go a billion views. Record-shattering!
So by now he was almost late to class so he hurried to class, with a dumb hurried-looking tense b-hole. He made it to class in the Nick of time (Nearly h==Eadless) (3===) He was sweating a lot bc he has an endocrine system problem NOT bc he was nervous like a pussy.
Before the test could begin, the class had a kind of ritual that they did every morning. Much like your elementary students back in teh states, students at Hgwarts had to recite the morning pledges.
The first one (the school pledge) rang a little something like this:
"I pledge of allegiance to the crag of Snarrsvill3, and Tennessee. It's not supposed to, but I can. And if we put together an IKEA shelf, then what could happen, under God? For me go chirch, my mom was there. And unto us, a duck was born. Prepare for battle under the spangled hat. Buttressed waitress is my girlfriend, she's not shy, under God. Liberty Butual has my heart, um, Amen. "
As they recited this, the students in unison did a hand formation like the bloods (the gang) but for wizards. They also sang an aria at the end, with their athames out, all the while pantomiming a telescope at their eye.
They then paid homage to their School Flag, which was a portrait of Scrooge laying a egg, and burying a cross.
Next, they had to do the state pledge.
"I pledge to Mother Russia, the flag is good. The flag gives me bread." After this sentence, everyone commenced in speaking baby babble for exactly thirty seconds. This was not in unison, they were all just randomly speaking baby. "Feed your last fish and chips, get some good grips on her hips, lad. Now, right leg, stomp twice. Now left leg, y'all. FREEZE. Slide to the left." They were stomping and sliding as the pledge instructed. By the end of it all, they've all switched seats in a silent and sombre round of musical chairs.
They had to then pay homage to the state flag, as tradition goes.
The state flag was a hot coal with a roasted Buckbeak on a spit, bearing a cross (we all have our cross to bare.), with a bald eagle picking at his eye sinew.
NExt they had to do the country pledge. The country pledge was just unison humping in place while the british national anthem plays and they clap also. Sometimes a kid gets carried away by an eagle.
Nick Zipper, a student, thought to himself " I hope it's not me this time." in fear.
And sometimes a kid gets too carried away and bumps his desk and it goes "hereemph" loudly and gives him a hip bruise. And lice.
Pistol Harlbringer, another student, thought to himself "I hope it's not me this time." in less fear, but still some.
A louse named Jaxxon Ville thought to himself "I hope it's not me this time." also in fear.
To finish the pledge, the students all shout "Welcome to MoléTown!" and then they clapped once over their head, hard and dirty, and then slapped their hips as they comed down from the clap, and they come down with the clap.
A jar of molé sauce in the great hall kitchen fridge said out loud, "I hope it's not me this time." in fear.
Gordon Ramsay heard the muffled sound of the mole talking.
"Huh?"
The British flag was a bowl of borscht-shaped flag. It had the image of Danny DeVito bathing in a hot tub of minestrone and rocket cheese was there. On the bottom, it said "Rocket Cheese: Britain's Favourite Product" and had a rating of 4.5 stars.
The test was about to commence, so he started to push. He pushed and pushed, and kept pushing until the potion was prairie doggin'. Just then, the professor, Cowgirl McGonagall, who teached Elk Strats, yellowed bc of her liver disease, and then also yelled:
" I SENSE CALAMITY AFOOT" and then she said "The great Calamity." and smashed the protective glass and magic glass barrier with her bare (and bear) fist, and then pounded the calamity button that every classroom in Hogwarts had. The calamity button made a giant, scary void in everyone's minds. But that's not all. Everyone's eyes turned red and in unison, they repeated "calamity". Harry wondered, "are all the students robots except for me? Oh well." and sighed in his head.
So then, the walls opened up. Tiny circles in the walls. holes , you could even say. Out of them holes came four to seven tapeworms on leashes. The tapeworms were at least 15 feet long, and at least 3 centimeters wide. The leashes were spiked and they had collars with tags that said "bad worm". They also had badges with their names on them. The worms in question were named Jesse, Alpha Sentauri, Starchild, and Sleepy. There was also Genevive, Charmantus, Clannad and Claymore the anime tapeworm twins, and an ace detective worm named Dectective Habblesnapper.
Then, some safety officers who were also worms, but a different breed, came in through the door. They walked like people though and were in charge of the other worms. They grabbed the tapeworms' leashes and shouted, with spit,
"Alright ye buggeration student boggarts of mine. Well, well, well, if it isn't the scent of contraband that I smell with my calamity worm snout."
"AY where'd me worms go off to, eh?! Ahw there ye are, mates. 'Ow'd ye get off on me, eh? Ow'd ye get yer leashes off ?" In came, behind the worm officers, Filch, all greasy and stinky. He tenderly slipped leashes on each and every simple worm officer neck, for fashion and also to show that he had a command over them. Filch jittered like a jitterbug phone for geriatric adults.
"Th' ol' missus done roight pounded tha' button fer calamity. And tha' can only mean one thing. DRUG SWEEP!"
Filch grabbed the leashes hard, which made the officer worms, in turn, grab the tapeworms' leashes hard and directed them to cavity search every single student in class.
Harry fucking panic dry-heaved. His dweedles snipped in horror. He had a very very dry mouth.
So the worms did what worms do best and snuggled their way into Harry's rear shaft. They barked a couple of worm barks and pulled out the sticky, stinky goo covered (boy droppings)potion that HArry was hiding. "LOOKS LIKE WE GOT EMTHIn to explain boy" said Filch, eager but not too bEaver. That's good. I Have G00d.
Harry got sent to the worst. It was military school. No wait, not that. It was one of those things where they take kids to prison to teach em a lesson, if ya know what I mean. Bulging prison rats, woth big arms will shove those no good children in their diarhea that they got from warm carrots at lunch. Those childs will b shiverin and not doin wrong potion up the ass stuff for longer after prison camp. Ass cub Ann was the name of the prison that they had decided to sent him to. There was a horse camp next door. It was on the next door ap and it was a sister school but not in China (yet) Yeah bc if it was, we'd all be speaking we all kno we r in mothe r russioan speaking russian and NOT the QWueen's English. I HATE THE BLOODY QUEEN but GOD SAVE HER that woman needs CHRIST.
The Horse Camp Was Called Wizened Withers Wizard Horse Girl Camp For Christ And Associates.
Burt Oragne, if you remember, got sent to that horse camp (he's a calf though, trust me.) because he was a ward of the state now and had to be sent somewhere to be taken caare of u see. And there are no calf girl camps…. That We Know Of?
So Harry hatched a plan, and also in his free time hatched a couple of butterfly eggs under his belly for hi s science fair project and they were caterpillars for a while and then made a PUPAand then became butterflies, as you do in church, which, in turn, layed more eggs and thus the life cycle of the butterfly god we are never going to finish this chap
Tbh i forgot what we were gonna do. OK this is real no filters, no edits. Just the real story.
Ben franklin or Naruto as u may know him as attended said hors camp, he was living a fucking beatiful life and what not, harry escaped prison, scapegoated to the goat i mean horse camp, and skated into my heart. Burt orange went through puberty real quick bc he is a magicK cow (Steer) and he grew wings as they doo. So Burt orange just comes gliding in with ron and herm in tow, maybs nevilll. His big bull horn accidentally IMpales poor Bennruto! Something very inspirational happens next, and here it is. U wont believe what he does next, (I cried) and here is what happened . Something happened to him next, and next you will see what happens to him, in turn, in due time. He died. Oh sorry
Ben FrankRuto
Some really pretty choral music came on and angels and also horse angels came down from heaven and even from Idaho some of them, and they took Benny's crippled, weak, meek, babyfaced, milk-colored soul out of his crippled, weak, meek, babyfaced, milk-colored body. Some of the brightest stars shine because they couldn't shine bright enough on this earth so they had to die and become a star to shine their light down on us, thanks star, and Benjamin Naruto Franklin was a fucking sun. he was AT LEAST a gas giant. I mean most stars are bigger than our sun so you need to keep that in mind.
Harry wiped the blood and intestine residue off of Burt Orange's chassis (chassie?) and turned the windshield wipers on and said "c'mon Burt, let's get out of here….AND her." in the dirtiest sigh he's sighed yet. It turned the air brown. The cow had impaled a female horse camp employee as well in all the excitement. His horn was stuck in her rump flesh u see. It was a thick rump flesh so it took some prying, and a crowbar or two.
Ok they flew home with no rugrats. And went the fuck to sleep.
"Now cracks a noble heart. Good-night, sweet prince;And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest. "- me(lol I'm ((chocolate hazelnut)Shake))(speer(like the weapon))Bibliography
chapter, the last one. Chapter 9. tender socks true passions untold, s/12840034/1/Tender-Socks-True-Passions-Untold.
The movie, Osmosis Jones. Disney tendersockstruepassionsuntold
Christ, Jesus, Bible. God
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