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Two years ago, a fanfiction author began posting a story for a series they didn't invent. Some users promptly left reviews.

Today, four reviewers are being thanked:

catthyyours, Cytisus, Cyan Quartz, and (Lord)Chico

...the C-Team.

*bombastic intro music plays*

*cough*... yeah. Thanks, guys.

Flying Battery

A deep rumbling and its creaking accompaniment were the first rude visitors to the cozy fortress of nothingness.

Sonic shifted slightly, and a sudden drop in temperature suggested that his cheek had dragged against a metal surface. He wasn't entirely sure whether the accompanying clamminess was drool, sweat, or both, but he quickly decided there were more pressing matters. As in, who was pressing a half-ton cactus against his brain and how did one go about removing it?

"He's waking up."

Of near-equal importance, what was the established procedure for evicting moldy sandpaper from one's mouth?

"Wait, don't push it."

Upon further inspection, that was a tongue. Were those detachable and dishwasher-safe?

"I'm not. He moved on his own."

The marriage of rubber sole and metal floor rang eternal. Hand to ear, stat. Wait...was that the cactus or a quill?

"See? He's conscious; he just doesn't want to be."

"I guess..."

More footwear wedding cacophonic copycats. Closing in. Might as well look Death in the eye.

"You sane now?"

Odd; why did Death resemble Knuckles so closely?

"How are you feeling?" asked Death's adorable (and shrill) vulpine companion.

"...don't shout…" Sonic croaked, curling farther into the fetal position.

Knuckles nodded, apparently satisfied for some reason. "Welcome back."

"Thanks," Sonic mumbled. He closed his eyes and slumped against the floor again.

There was a pause. Knuckles prodded him with his boot.

Sonic let off a half-growl, half-whine, firmly cementing his status as a living inner tube having sprung a leak. His hands slithered to the ground and commenced the onerous task of propping him upright. One was soon reassigned to clutching his head as he took a languid glance at the dim metallic space.

"Let me guess," he sighed. "That psycho G.U.N. truck finally got me?"

"Er, not quite," Tails said delicately. "What's the last thing you remember from Mushroom Hill?"

Sonic squinted. "Mushroom…? Oh right. Yeah, um, we were...in the forest...you went to find a Chaos Emerald...I rescued Knuckles from this...weird death cloud and I…w-wait, I…uhh..."

Now fully alert, he sat back, his hand still clamped on his head as though it was the last barrier against the total exodus of his brain matter. His eyes darted back and forth for several moments until he fixed an apprehensive look on his sidekick. "Please tell me the rest of that was a dream."

"Nope," said Knuckles.

Sonic froze. "Oh."

"So you do remember?" Tails asked carefully.

"Sort of…yikes...I...sheesh. Guys, I'm so sorry."

Tails shook his head. "You unwittingly took multiple lungfuls of a psychedelic toxin while trying to help Knuckles. That's not your fault."

"Did I hurt you guys...?"

"No, really! If anything, I kicked you pretty hard because we were about to get hit by-"

Sonic inflicted a mortified groan on the palm covering his face, seeing as there were no pillows in the immediate vicinity.

"Wh-...um! I-I mean, we'd have been safe...uh, probably...b-but don't worry about that!"

"Enough drama," Knuckles said, pushing Tails aside. "Sonic, don't give yourself that much credit. We can handle ourselves whether or not you act like an idiot. In fact, I'm almost tempted to gas you again if it makes you this self-aware."

Sonic sighed. "Well, at least let me apologize for teasing you while you were depressed about the loss of your Emerald sense."

Knuckles looked suddenly uncomfortable. "Yeah, uh, let's forget the past," he muttered.

Sonic seemed ready to continue, but then blinked, ran his tongue along his teeth, and shuddered in disgust. Tails stifled a giggle.

"Ew. You're right, forget what happened then. What's happening now?"

"We got the purple Chaos Emerald," Tails began, "and Eggman escaped to this flying fortress, which…I...I really don't know how it's flying because it looks like a bunch of random equipment from his Launch Base stuck together and is being carried by myriads of those guard bird robots and-"

"And I told him not to think too hard about it," Knuckles interrupted. "I decided to board this ship as it took off, but Tails insisted we hide out in this metal drum until you finished your beauty sleep."

"The only other thing we did was raid a mostly-empty vending machine on the way," Tails added, handing him a soda can.

Sonic glanced at the two empty cans beside his friends. A hint of amusement finally crossed his face. "You saved me the caffeinated one. We sure I'm not still tripping?"

Tails smiled sympathetically. "Desperate times, desperate measures. I suspect you're feeling miserable right now."

Sonic was already half-done chugging his soda. "Mm-hm."

"It's quite the impressive multi-tiered defense mechanism, though," Tails couldn't help remarking. "In phase one, the poison immediately distracts the aggressor, and in phase two, well, you probably never want to see a mushroom again..."

"Unh-unh," Sonic managed as he tapped on the can to knock the last few drops onto his outstretched tongue.

"Which leads me to the next point: you might remember that Eggman was poisoned too."

Sonic blinked, shot Tails a questioning look, then frowned as he grappled to access the memory.

"He destroyed the robot," Tails supplied. "So you attacked his pod and it-"

Sonic burst into what would have been a fit of laughter, had it lived past infancy. After a grunt of pain, he settled for a quiet chuckle instead.

"Yeah okay. That part's mad fuzzy, but now I don't feel so bad."

"Right, so, I'm no anthropologist. I don't know much about biology in general, let alone human-specific metabolic rates and the blood-brain barrier, but…"

"Uh, English?"

"We're hoping he's still plastered," Knuckles translated.

"Or that he passed out like you did," Tails continued. "Either way, capturing him while he's incapacitated would put a peaceful stop to whatever he's planning."

"And we still don't know what that is, huh?" Sonic mused.

"He stole the Master Emerald," Knuckles said. "That's good enough for me."

"Is it on this ship?"

Knuckles sighed. "Maybe, but I still feel like I did in Mushroom Hill. It feels both next to me and far away. And no idea at all on the Chaos Emeralds."

Tails answered the next question preemptively. "And my detector isn't picking up any Chaos Emeralds nearby."

Sonic nodded, then pushed himself to his feet with a notable level of care. "So, we find, ambush, and capture Eggman sooner rather than later. Sounds like a plan."

"Finally," said Knuckles, walking towards the edge of the space.

"About that 'we' bit," Tails said, rubbing his upper arm nervously, "...exactly how ill are you feeling?"

Sonic heaved a resigned shrug. "Remember that time Amy tried to bake 'healthy' cookies?"

An involuntary shudder rippled through the fox's body. "I...I remember a world of malaise and this horrid, persistent aftertaste…"

"Yep. And remember how gracefully she took my honest feedback on them?"

"Does your head hurt that much?" Tails whispered, his eyes doing their best satellite dish impersonation. "Maybe you should take it easy…"

"You kiddin'?" Sonic scoffed. He crushed the empty can in his hand with a confident smirk. "I can't wait to take this out on something."

Knuckles pushed open the metal panel that had been blocking their hiding space, which turned out to be on the outer boundary of the fortress. A small metallic platform was the only thing separating their feet from the lengthy drop to the island below. Meanwhile, a variety of giant fanblades, handlebars, and chains were busy cycling in a manner that Tails supposed must have served to stabilize the flight, though he strongly suspected they did so whilst skimping on OSHA compliance.

One thing the entire melange of steel equipment did superbly, however, was reflect the brilliance of the afternoon rays from all angles.

Sonic stepped out into the light and immediately hissed in pain. "Any chance one of you brought sunglasses?"

Tails frowned. "Seriously, now that you're awake and lucid, you can recuperate alone while we-"

"No."

"You were poisoned. This isn't trivial!"

"I'm fine."

"You're clutching your head hard enough to give yourself another handprint."

Sonic willed himself to drop his arm. "Mm. Whatever. So let's just...travel by interior when we can."

"Make up your mind already," Knuckles interjected. "You've slowed me down long enough."

"Excuse me?" Sonic snapped.

"You heard me."

Sonic's eyes narrowed. Then he ran to the edge and leapt off.

"That was a poor choice of words," Tails stated, helplessly watching the hedgehog bound between platforms and chains until he was out of sight.

"I'm not regretting it yet," Knuckles said before jumping off himself.

Tails sighed and followed, carefully watching the echidna for any distress as they both used the fan updrafts to aid in their flying and gliding. They made it without incident to the other side, where Sonic was waiting in the shade of an overhang.

"Sonic, please don't run way ahead like that," Tails said. "If you fell, I couldn't have caught you."

"Didn't want to slow anyone down," Sonic countered dryly. "Besides, the darkness is nice."

Knuckles gave an indifferent nod. "Shadow called. He wants his angst back."

Sonic was grumbling under his breath as he stormed ahead into the nearest entrance, but Tails' sensitive ears still managed to pick up something like "har har, that was so funny my pants are nonexistent..."

The fox halted the echidna with a hand to the shoulder. "Again, please go easy."

"So he's cranky," Knuckles scoffed back. "What's the big de-"

An alarm on the wall suddenly flashed a bright red and let off a piercing wail as Sonic passed it. He recoiled with his hands on his ears for approximately 95 milliseconds before retaliating with a savage kick that crushed the device and dented the metal panel behind it.

A lone bird robot shot past Tails and Knuckles and tried to dive into Sonic's back. He side-swiped it out of the air with one hand and whipped it into a small duct fan nearby, mangling both with a sickening crunch. He then continued stalking forward like nothing had happened.

Tails aimed a pointed stare in Knuckles' direction. The latter coughed uncomfortably. Satisfied, the fox changed the subject as they followed with a brisk jog through the slipshod excuse for a hallway.

"That guard bird and this interior definitely confirm Eggman was at the Launch Base. Even in this condition, I'm impressed with how fast he pulled a ship together from what was left there."

Tails tripped on a wobbly floor panel. Knuckles steadied him.

"Thanks. I guess we really should have traveled to Launch Base when we thought of it. Raises an interesting question about fighting fate and...whether we're doing that futilely at this very moment…" he finished uncomfortably.

Knuckles snorted. "Again, it's never too early to stop that lunatic."

They stepped into a large room that opened up several floor lengths above. Sonic had stopped and was staring upward.

"Wow," Tails said, mainly to announce his own presence. "How do we get up there?"

Sonic attempted to sprint straight up the wall. He only got about a third of the way up before he lost his traction and was forced to backflip off the wall to land on his feet.

"Not like that anyway," he concluded. He reflexively started to lift a hand but dropped it when he realized his sidekick was watching.

Tails pointed to a nearby button on the floor. "What about this thing?"

"Thought about it," Sonic replied, "but-"

Knuckles stepped on the button, and the room came to life. Several square panels on the walls began to flap open and closed. Meanwhile, bright electricity arced behind glass conduits running along the walls, creating a strobe lighting effect. A deep groaning sound reverberated throughout the room to accompany the entire spectacle.

Tails cringed. "Yikes. Eggman really needs to get some WD-40 for this base."

The noise abruptly stopped. Tails turned, confused.

"Yes, that was me," Sonic deadpanned.

"Oh..."

Flinching with each strobe of the light, Sonic watched the flapping panels for a few moments. Once the pattern restarted itself, he started jumping up each panel in turn. Near the top, he aimed a final leap towards a metal ring on the ceiling, only to be overwhelmed by a particularly bright flash. He missed his grab at the ring and fell back down, where Knuckles caught him.

The echidna set the growling spikeball on the floor, then watched Tails attempt the same feat. This attempt was successful, and as the fox grabbed the ring, it clicked under his weight. A chain began lowering him down to the floor as he hung on.

"What happened?" Knuckles called up.

"A door up top opened," Tails replied. "I think it's linked to this chain."

"Is it gonna close when you let go?" Sonic asked.

Tails touched down on the ground and carefully gave the chain some slack. A metallic creaking rang out from the top of the room as the chain began retracting. He pulled it down again.

"Good call. I guess we'll have to swing it quickly near the top."

Knuckles reached to grab the chain above Tails' hands. "I'll climb."

The other two held on to one red shoulder each as the echidna began to scale the chain. When they were about halfway up, dozens of small openings appeared in the walls, each revealing a small cannon robot. The cannons all lit up simultaneously.

Sonic unleashed an irritated groan, then jumped back down to the floor. He dislodged a barely-attached panel and tossed it up to Tails. "Hold that out."

Still holding the chain with three limbs, Knuckles wrapped one arm around Tails' waist, freeing the fox's arms to hold the panel out as far as possible.

On the ground, Sonic grabbed the bottom of the chain and began running in tiny rapid circles just as the energy projectiles fired. The other two twisted along with the chain in a fan-like motion, the panel impacting the onslaught of projectiles and ricocheting them back outwards. Miniature explosions and smoke filled the room. There was a moment of silence, after which the minority subset of intact robots decided that ping-pong was not in their job description, and subsequently retreated.

Once the racket had calmed, Knuckles climbed to the top of the chain with Tails clinging to him.

"Sonic?" the fox called into the smoke cloud below.

"Why are explosions so stinkin' loud?" it answered back.

"Grab the chain," Knuckles instructed.

The chain wobbled slightly, and the echidna began pulling it up until Sonic emerged from the smoke cloud. Tails meanwhile had flown off and was searching corners of the ceiling through the fog.

"I found it," he called.

Knuckles swung the end of the chain towards the voice, and Sonic found himself on a small ledge next to Tails. The two walked out the open door with the chain end and pulled it taut.

"I'm comi-" Knuckles began, before being interrupted by the chain snapping from the ceiling. Sonic and Tails fell on their backsides as the tension released, then got dragged back towards the door as Knuckles broke his fall with the intact end.

The door began to drop closed. Sonic jumped to his feet with the chain and sprinted in the other direction down the hallway, pulling Knuckles through the doorway just before it shut for good.

The echidna stood up as Sonic doubled back to the group. "Thanks for the save."

Sonic shrugged. "Thanks for the caffeine."

"Let's hope that trap was automated and we haven't been spotted," Tails said nervously.

"As in, let's hurry," Knuckles finished, and the three took off jogging down the disheveled hallway.

"Do we even know where we're going?" Sonic called from the front after a few moments.

"Not in the slightest," Tails admitted. "Orbot brought Eggman back but we couldn't really see where he went."

"So we're kinda just- … ooh…"

Sonic stumbled, then detoured to the nearest wall, dropping his head between his outstretched arms as he braced himself against it.

Tails caught up. "W-what's wrong?"

Sonic took a few deep breaths. "Uh...it's fine, just...got a little dizzy and thought I was gonna hurl for a hot second there."

"Try not to. All that extra protein is good for you."

"Knuckles," Tails hissed.

"Nah, nah it's cool," Sonic said, pulling one hand off the wall to wave dismissively. "That was actually pretty funny. You can laugh at my expense every once in a whh-aah!"

The panel he was leaning on suddenly gave way, and he fell headfirst into the gap.

Tails ran to the opening and looked down what appeared to be a narrow vertical corridor. Sonic had broken his fall by pressing his hands and feet against the sides of the walls, and was presently suspended upside-down, mere inches above a violently rotating fanblade.

"Are you okay!?"

"Peachy," came the impassive reply.

"Alright, just hold still…"

Being careful to avoid hitting the walls, Tails slowly flew down the shaft and locked both hands around one of Sonic's ankles.

"I got you."

Sonic let go of the walls as Tails began pulling him up, then did a double-take.

"Hey, wait."

Tails stopped. "What is it?"

"I think there's a path here," Sonic said, pointing at what appeared to be a poorly-attached panel in the shaft.

Tails hovered in place as Sonic tried to yank the panel off.

"Stupid...stubborn…!"

"Maybe it's not worth it…" Tails grunted, starting to sound fatigued.

Knuckles anchored a fist against the wall and came sliding down, accompanied by a loud grinding noise. Tails moved out of the way and Sonic immediately decided his hands made better earmuffs than crowbars.

The echidna reached the panel and punched it into oblivion, revealing a long path of metallic ducting, He hoisted himself into the opening, then pulled Sonic and Tails through.

The three looked ahead into the "path", a retirement home for dust bunnies that was just barely wide enough to crawl through.

"Well," Sonic said with an audible frown, "at least it's dark."

"Shh," said Knuckles.

Sonic stiffened indignantly. "Don't you shush-"

A fourth voice echoed unintelligibly through the ducting.

Tails gasped. "That was Eggman."

The three began crawling through the ducting, Tails leading the way with his penlight.

The fox made a face after inhaling seventy dust particles too many. "Ahh…"

Sonic's eyes widened. He clapped his hands over Tails' mouth. Then he too made a face.

Knuckles clapped his hands over Sonic's mouth, then squinted unevenly.

Tails reached around Sonic and clapped his hands over Knuckles' mouth.

A triad of muffled sneezes rang out simultaneously.

There was a pause, during which a unified look of disgust blossomed across all three faces. Six hands were quickly wiped against the sides of the ducting.

"Why didn't we sneeze into our own hands?" Tails whispered as they began crawling again.

"For the same reason G.U.N. didn't offer us spy jobs," Sonic muttered, rubbing his head.

Knuckles, meanwhile, appeared to be picking something out of one mitten. "Tell me this isn't a millipede leg..."

"Shh," Sonic replied.

Knuckles shot Sonic a nasty look, but was soon distracted along with the others as they noticed an opening ahead, streaming in light from a source below.

Tails shut off his penlight and crawled ahead to the duct. He looked down and pointed excitedly.

The other two caught up and looked through the grate to see an open room below. In the center, Eggman was sitting on Cubot's compact form as he worked on Orbot's machinery.

Sonic gestured to himself, then to Eggman, whose back was facing them. Knuckles nodded, silently crawling ahead to an identical vent opening above the far side of the room.

Eggman closed Orbot's panel and stood up. "Alright, you're finally compliant to water-resistance standards," he said, then kicked his former seat with his heel. "Cubot, your turn."

Tails quietly unscrewed the bolts on his vent cover, then backed out of the way. Sonic moved into position and gave Knuckles a thumbs-up.

The echidna kicked open his vent, creating a bang that caused his targets to freeze as he jumped menacingly to the floor.

Said commotion was much louder than Sonic swinging open his vent. The hedgehog hit the floor quietly, then sprinted to the center, tackling the distracted doctor to the ground with a well-aimed dive.

Or at least, that would have been the result if he hadn't jumped through a hologram.

"WHA-mmff!"

He didn't quite succeed in breaking into a shoulder roll before smooching the ground.

Tails dropped to the floor and ran to help. "Are you alright?"

"Nrrrghh…"

Knuckles stuck his hand through the hologram, baffled. After a few moments, it staticked and swapped to a different animation of the doctor grinning smugly.

"Ha! Did you seriously think you could ambush me in my own fortress?"

Tails gasped. "It's a trap!"

A metal overhang slid across the ceiling, cutting off their entry point. An array of vertical steel bars shot down to block one wall of the room. The wall itself then lifted out of the way, revealing Eggman in the flesh, sitting behind a control podium with his robots.

"Well, well, well," the doctor sneered triumphantly. "If it isn't the Three Kluges: Whirly, Burly, and Girly."

"FOR THE TRILLIONTH TIME," Tails shrieked, "I'M NOT A GIRL."

Eggman raised a hand to his temple and winced. "A-alright. Just don't shout."

"Perhaps, then, we should call him Surly instead?" Orbot suggested.

Tails opened his mouth again, then belatedly realized that Sonic was wincing just as hard as Eggman. "Oh...sorry..."

The hedgehog quickly straightened up with a deceptively casual smirk. "Aww, why the change in wardrobe, Doc? I was totally digging your luau getup."

Eggman scowled as he pressed a washcloth against his forehead. "Don't insinuate for a femtosecond that you weren't as inebriated as I was at minimum, you mordacious moron."

Sonic nodded. "Uh-huh. So, new action items: one, look up all those snazzy words...two, find a video of your epic performance."

"You know I could help you with the words," Tails offered.

"And Orbot could help you with the—"

A red hand slapped across Cubot's mouth.

"Enough of this," Knuckles growled. "Where's the Master Emerald?"

"Please, echidna. You really ought to keep better track of your possessions. I can't bail you out every time you lose something."

Sonic planted a hand on his hip. "Awful hypocritical of you, since you've clearly misplaced that flying ashtray of yours."

"The Eggmobile is undergoing heavy repairs after you hoodlums ravaged it. Thankfully, I don't need it to take my revenge. Besides holograms, here's what else I can do with concentrated light."

Eggman pressed a button on his console. A series of vertical lasers flashed into existence on the boundaries of the room.

Sonic failed to force the pained squint off his face as he shaded his eyes with his hand. "Boy. It's gotta be, like, the hundredth time you've pulled this stunt. You couldn't've chosen a more original method of exterminating us?"

"No," said Eggman, setting a pair of sunglasses over his already-dark goggles. "Deal with it."

The doctor engaged several levers.

"You want a party, hedgehog? I'll give you a party. I'm not feeling up to dancing right now, but I'm happy to live vicariously through you. For at least a minute or so."

The lasers began moving around the room. The heroes scattered, jumping, sliding, and otherwise dodging the assault.

Knuckles bolted to one side of the room. Checking to see that Eggman hadn't noticed him, he edged along the wall until he reached the vertical bars protecting the exit. He steeled himself and then pounced on them, attempting to force them apart.

It didn't take long for Eggman to notice the creaking as the bars began to bow.

"Hey! You never mess with the emcee."

The doctor slammed another button on the console. An electric shock ran down the bars and into the arms of one unfortunate echidna, subsequently blowing him backwards.

"Now that's what I call a flying battery," Eggman chuckled.

Leftover sparks still dancing across his body, Knuckles sat up and snarled at his assailant.

"Oh, don't give me that look. You lend yourself splendidly to that particular method of punishment. But here, I'll prevent it from happening again."

Eggman moved several lasers to block the steel bars as Sonic and Tails grabbed one red elbow each and lifted the echidna to his feet.

"Alright, now it's Ultimate Frisbee time," Eggman announced. He pressed a button and a whirling circular sawblade shot through the air. Sonic pulled Tails out of the way. The blade passed through the lasers on the other side.

"No, no," Eggman chided. "You're supposed to catch it! Here, try again."

"Can we?" Tails whispered to Sonic, who nodded slightly.

Another sawblade went flying towards Sonic. He jumped straight up, and as it passed under him, kicked the flat portion downwards. It clattered to the floor.

The hedgehog landed and looked up, fixing a nasty smirk on his opponent. "New party game: Hairless Monkey in the Middle."

Unsurprisingly, the majority of the lasers began chasing him as he darted away.

"How about a hairless rat? Laser removal is all the rage, you know!"

"C'mon, Dregman, don't be such a spoilsport," Sonic retorted. "It was your turn to be-ugh!"

Looking back to deliver his snark had been a poor choice, as the view of the laser light caused him to seize up and trip. He scrambled to his feet barely fast enough to avoid getting torched.

"Are you doing all this manually?" Orbot asked, watching his master quickly alternate between the controls to coordinate the attack.

On his way to pulling another lever, Eggman absently yanked Cubot's finger away from an electrical outlet. "My faith in AI has been wavering lately."

With Knuckles functioning as a lookout, Tails carefully picked up the grounded sawblade between both hands and thrust it into one of the few stationary lasers left. The laser reflected off the smooth metal surface as he aimed it at the control podium, where the softer components began to sizzle and melt.

"H-hey!" Eggman yelped. He pounded a button and a magnetic force began attracting the sawblade. It almost pulled Tails into the laser with it before Knuckles grabbed him. The fox quickly released the blade to avoid cutting his hands.

"That was cool, Doc. Encore!" Cubot cheered.

Eggman slapped his robot's hand away from a big red button with the caption Sawblade III scrawled in permanent marker.

"Are you insane? They just used it against me. Why would I do it again?!"

"Because it's your modus operandi?" Orbot answered.

"It was a rhetorical question. Now go get me some more coffee before I launch you at them."

"Yes, Doctor."

"Spot me this time," Knuckles instructed Tails. With no other obvious openings, he ran to the nearest wall. Unlike the rest of the ship, however, the metal paneling was flat and seamless. Unable to grip any of it, he aimed a hard punch directly into the wall.

There was a loud bang as the room shook, but the wall was barely affected.

Tails pulled Knuckles away from a laser that tried to bisect him in response. "This room is reinforced. It's no use."

"We'll see about that!"

Knuckles ran along the perimeter of the wall, walloping it at regular intervals as Tails attempted to steer him around the lasers. When that too produced no obvious effect, he ran to the center of the room and struck the ground.

The ground was just as well-constructed as the walls, to his immense frustration. The echidna growled, reared his fist way back, and-

"STOP POUNDING," Eggman and Sonic screamed in unison from the far end of the room. They then turned on each other.

"AND STOP YELLING."

Tails stared for a moment. "Uh, Knuckles, you might want to stop."

Eggman took a deep breath and tried to casually smooth his bristled mustache. "Well, enough fun and games. I hope you worked up an appetite, because it's time for the barbeque."

The lasers returned to the outer perimeter and doubled in number, forming a vertical cage around the room. Shielding his eyes and looking awfully bristled himself, Sonic stumbled back to his group.

"Seriously," he complained, "are you keeping us alive just to make us listen to your stupid puns?"

Eggman grinned. "Not anymore."

The laser perimeter began shrinking inwards. The trio stepped into a huddle, backs to each other.

"See any openings?" Sonic asked discreetly.

"No," Knuckles replied.

Tails shrunk farther against the others as the lasers continued to advance. "What should we do…?"

Another bright flash filled the room, but it wasn't a laser this time.

Sonic flinched, then did a double-take at the nearby addition to the scene. "A Warp Ring?"

Knuckles looked even more baffled. "How did-!?"

Eggman pulled a lever and the lasers began speeding up.

"Guys?" Tails yelped.

Knuckles was too confused to react. Sonic made the executive decision.

"See you in a flash, Egghead," the hedgehog blurted before grabbing his friends and pulling them into the Warp Ring with him.

Said flash filled the room, then dissipated, leaving only an evil scientist and his creations. Eggman flicked the lasers off and groaned in pain as he rubbed his assaulted eyes.

Orbot returned to the scene carrying a #1 Tyrant mug.

"They appear to have escaped," he stated rather helpfully.

Eggman dropped his hands and lifted his head towards the center of the room. A smile crept across his face.

Author's Notes, 11/18/20:

I retrospectively note that in my fledgling stint as a fanfiction author, I've made Sonic pass out a whole lot. I should be more sorry, but if I didn't include an anvilicious episode on the fallout of drug use, am I really doing a 90s series justice?

Someone fetch a gallon of Sunny Delight, stat!

I was hoping to release this chapter a year after Carnival (K)Night to meet Sonic & Knuckles' October anniversary again. That obviously didn't happen, but I'm thankful you could throw a dart at November's calendar page and hit at least one Soni-versary.

Today is Unleashed's 12th, and even if Sega never remasters it, they still need to reassemble that exact dev team for their next game. I don't know who they thought they hired for Forces, but it clearly wasn't the subset of the team that mattered.

One more thing...if this chapter seems a smidge short to you, there's a good reason for that.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Update, 12/16/20:

How does catthyyours keep doing this!?

[deviantart dot com]/catthyyours/art/Eggman-864246382