tw: implications of sexual abuse, mentions of suicide, general DID terms
chapter eight: technicalities
Doctor Pablo gestured a hand before him, crossing his legs as he settled in his seat. "You three know each other?"
A pretty swift assessment and an accurate one at that. Anna couldn't look at anything but the blonde, much to the woman's coyness. Jack refused to even look at her, his gaze locked at the Director on the one end of the couch. Avoiding a person right in front of yourself was hard though. She could see Jack glancing at her from the corner of her eye.
Nobody answered.
Gran Pabbie turned his head at the redhead. "Nurse Anna."
"Yes?" Anna sighed as she was put on the spot. Tearing her gaze away from the blonde – Seven right at this moment if she understood right– she answered truthfully, "Yes, we know each other."
"Hmm. That could be complicated."
It could, but even with her heart going crazy and her mouth running dry, Anna was slowly and all too suddenly way too invested to even think of that and what it could mean.
This was Elizabeth, a friend she had known for a while, and she didn't like to think of the likelihood of anyone taking care of her but she herself. Hell, if she was right, this was Elsa, her childhood playmate that brought magic to life and that was enough for her to actually, really be interested in this patient.
Even if her stomach churned the worst way.
"You won't happen to be family relatives, are you?" Gran Pabbie asked.
Anna shook her head fervently. "No!" It came out far too loud. She bit her tongue and reinstated, "No, uh, we're not."
That earned her a weird look from Jack and Eli… Seven. Anna gave an apologetic smile and bowed her head embarrassedly.
"Don't be too scared now, Nurse Anna," Seven chuckled at her reddening face, gathering the flowing locks of platinum on her neck and tossing it to one side with a disenchanted look. "DID ain't genetic. There's nothin' wrong with bein' related to me."
Seven's conclusion daunted Anna. She didn't mean it like that! "No, uh – I mean I'm not a relative or someone who could–"
Anna was interrupted with Seven's light laughter, raising a hand out to placate the redhead kindly. "Oh no, it's just a joke. Don't take it seriously. Please."
The dancing mirth in blue eyes was enough to soothe her and she smiled in relief. That was something Anna was truly afraid of, her patients thinking that she was judging them, or God, scared of them. That literally would break the foundation in which a nurse and a patient could build trust. Instead of starting from zero, they'd start at negative one-hundred.
The doctor hummed at their exchange, nodding at nothing. "Well, I brought it up since health workers taking care of family members are unadvisable, particularly in this field." Gran Pabbie leaned forward in his seat, looking at Seven seriously. "So, did you tell the others about what's going to happen?"
"More or less," was the unsure answer. Blonde brows crumpled among themselves as Seven added, "They didn't really have any strong reactions."
"I talked to El earlier at the front desk but she left before we could discuss any details of your admission. Would it be alright to talk about it with you?"
"Of course." The confident, roguish grin was signature, clashing from the soft, gentle smile Anna was used to seeing on the screen. She wondered how the hell did she not pick that up.
Wait. Anna did, but it seemed so inappropriate now, especially with the careless way she thought of it when they were in Keaton's months ago. She wondered who she was talking to the whole time they were texting and calling. It was definitely not Seven – although she was the one she met for the first time in the café – the accent was a huge indication.
It was unbecoming how Anna couldn't think of anything else but her own personal thoughts. Shaking herself out of it, she reminded herself to be professional. This wouldn't do if she was to be the blonde's nurse.
Which she wanted to be really bad.
"You will be admitted here in Middleton Psychiatric for at least twenty-nine days for observation and treatment. Your stay can be extended depending on what my diagnoses will be as time passes. If you wish to leave before then, an assessment is to be done before you can do so, to discern if you are fit enough to be discharged."
"I assume you have talked about the additional details with El?" The blonde asked, looking from the Director to Jack. "You know exactly what to do in case…?"
"Yes, Sev," Jack assured with nod, an answer that was taken wonderfully.
Gran Pabbie picked up a pen and showed the paperwork he had prepared to the blonde. "If you wish to review everything, you are free to do so. When you're done, you have the decision to sign these papers or not. It's up to you, Seven."
Pressing her lips together, Seven stared at the paper, reading everything on it carefully. Anna was holding her breath as the blonde did so, almost unreasonably affected with what Seven's decision would be. Swivelling to Jack, she whispered words that were too light to hear. The auburn-haired woman turned to Doctor Pablo to give them their privacy, the old man raising both of his eyebrows in suspense with her.
Done after a couple tense minutes, Seven sighed loudly. "You know, I don't really fancy the–" they swayed her hands about the room, "–hospital thin' a lot." A forlorn expression crossed those brilliant blues. "But the past few months' been real tough. So yeah. I'm goin' to sign this. Pass me the pen, please."
The doctor gave her a small black stylus and Seven took a second to finalise her decision before signing the document.
Giving it back to the Director, she smiled goofily at Jack. "You could go and have a holiday for a while."
The man chuckled. "I might stay with my family for a bit."
Anna felt like an outsider during this entire ordeal. She didn't know what to say, didn't have anything to say, and so she stayed silent, waiting for the time where Grand Pabbie would acknowledge her presence.
Seven spared her a glance and a smile, nodding once. The blonde was wearing a loose white t-shirt and black skinny jeans. Even with such a casual outfit, the person right in front of her was as attractive as a movie star. It was hard not to stare at her face, gorgeous even in the low lighting of the office.
Anna was frozen in place, not knowing what to do. As if everything couldn't be any worse, Doctor Pablo stood up and invited Jack for more paperwork signing downstairs, leaving the two girls with each other.
"He seems to trust you quite a bit," Seven commented as she leaned back on the couch, crossing her legs for comfort. "Are you goin' to be my nurse?"
Anna offered a faint smile. "I think so."
"Heard you and El fought. Truth be told, I'm a little mad at you," Seven said seriously. Anna's confidence vanished and her heart sunk. Swallowing the knot in her throat, she listened to the blonde's subsequent words. "I'm the protector, after all, but be nice to us and I'll think about not bein' mad anymore."
"Aye, sir," Anna replied, back straight. Protector didn't ring a bell in her head. She knew little about DID systems. If given time, she'd learn all about it. Anna would, especially now that the patient suffering from it was under her care and her friend.
El, huh?
"Great!" The jolly grin on the blonde's face was back. Seven could look scary if she wanted to, just the tone of her voice was intimidating. Good for her, Anna thought. After a while, blue eyes suddenly widened as the blonde made a quick realisation and hastily extended a hand to the redhead. "Oh, I forgot to introduce myself properly."
Anna took it with a low chuckle. "I don't think you need to do that."
"Well, yeah," Seven rolled her eyes. "But you thought I was a woman the last time, didn't you?"
Erm… Anna still thought that Seven was a woman. Biting her lips, she shook the hand in her own. "Uhm, what are you, then?"
"Definitely the opposite of that. My name's Seven."
"Uhm…." Anna stalled, looking curiously at Seven and thinking hard about what that meant.
The blonde watched her in return, waiting for a reaction. When Anna's took too long to appear, Seven stated its meaning slowly, like saying the words should be obvious but they were scared to say it out loud. "I… I'm a guy."
Anna was amazed and surprised with everything Seven was. Now that she was told about it, Seven did seem to carry himself differently from El. He was, in a sense, more masculine with the way he talked and acted. Like a real boy.
And he really is, isn't he?
It was not that hard to accept, but Anna had been used to thinking that Elizabeth, well, as a woman, but as the blonde – Seven – looked at her, the nurse knew the difference. The stance, the smile, almost everything. It was in his aura. This was a different person.
She guessed she should call him accordingly to what he wanted, treat him like a male, a separate person. His actions during the three times she's seen him were fitting. Mindlessly, Anna asked, "Were you the one who punched Lukas?"
"You bet," Seven smirked. "Dude deserves it anyway."
The paperwork Jack and Gran Pabbie were working on must have been done for the pair entered soon after. Jack was holding a huge bag – Elizabeth's belongings – and deposited it on the table heavily.
"Well, before we show you your room and prepare everything for your stay, can I ask you something?"
"Fire away," Seven exhaled, resting his head on the back of the couch sluggishly. Anna wondered what made his energy rapidly disappear.
Then she remembered seeing CFS on the blonde's record and it clicked into place.
"I will assign Nurse Anna as your personal nurse. She'll be the one to monitor you and supervise your stay, that means that she will be by your side most of the time. Is that okay?"
Seven squinted at her, silent for seconds. Anna awaited his decision with hope, nervously peeking at the Director.
"I think that's just fine."
Anna let out a quiet sigh. She didn't know what was making her feel like this was a personal matter, didn't know why she was literally neck deep with this.
It was a personal matter, her mind supplied, and once Anna could think about this alone at home, she was sure that this wouldn't be just another duty to just another patient.
..
"El will kill me," Seven muttered, brushing a hand to his face.
Anna still felt a little weird calling the blonde a he, but it was one she'd get used to in time. Respect could go a long way and could even cross mountains. And also, very importantly, it was the seed of trust.
"Why do you say so?"
Anna was helping the blonde put away… their things. Actually, she had the responsibility all to herself since the blonde had collapsed on the white linen bed. It wasn't much, a couple of self-help books and a children's novel called The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane were placed on the last layer of the shelf beside the blonde's bed. Two medium-sized stuffed toys and a what seemed to be silver harmonica – Anna almost pocketed that since it was likely contraband – rested on the top layer.
The middle was left bare, the clothes still yet to get checked.
"I just know," he laughed, lying down and leaving the redhead to finish the unpacking. "Excuse my laziness. I feel a bit… unwell."
"Do you need anything?"
"Sleep. I need a lot of sleep. As for thin's, I'm good, thanks."
Anna liked Seven. In fact, it was hard not to when it was his fault that Anna liked the idea of Elizabeth, but thinking about that all at once was mind-boggling. Today was a shocking day full of unexpected surprises but it was not the good kind.
Moving almost on autopilot, Anna buried the better part of her mind as she continued fixing the blonde's belongings. She'd have more time for introspection later when she's alone. Right now she'd just have to survive this as professionally as she could.
The blonde's room was in the new wing of the hospital and Anna adjusted a bit to its size. Middleton Psychiatric was big – and from what she knew expensive – but the new rooms were considerably larger than the old ones.
Merida was also in this part of the ward but Anna didn't get to be in her room much for the girl was freely roaming around and interacting with everyone she came across.
Now that Anna was thinking of it, she knew that she'd miss waiting by Merida and Ian.
Anna didn't know what being on full-time private duty would mean, but she looked forward to learning.
"Are you comfortable enough in your bed?" she inquired as she levelled up the books finally. "Do you want more pillows?"
When she didn't hear an answer, Anna twirled to the side, looking at her patient.
Seven was already fast asleep, face down on the pillow and body completely covered in a blanket. Anna was given a semblance of relief as she was saved from further interaction.
She was still shuffling around, looking for a steady ground to stand on, and now, she could go and talk to the Director to let him help her.
Closing the blinds and tucking the empty bag under her arm, Anna checked the blonde. She fixed the pillow and smoothed out the blanket she had laid underneath.
Pale brows furrowed as she set off on an open-mouthed slumber, the blonde didn't rouse. Sending one last glance, Anna turned off the lights and walked out of the room, feeling hollow on the inside all the while.
..
It was past one o'clock in the morning when she arrived at the Director's office.
Hercules almost jumped out of his skin when he saw her walking down from the second floor, certain he only had Tadashi as company for the night. It made for a great mood-lightener. Anna was feeling slightly better as she knocked on the door.
"I'm really sorry about all this," Gran Pabbie said, taking off his glasses as he rubbed his eyes. "I received the call shortly before I went to find you, and I don't think I could trust anyone else with this."
He said it again, just like before. Anna didn't know what he meant so she made sure to ask. "Does that mean you don't trust most of our staff?"
"Everyone has been nothing but wonderful," he reassured. "But why do you think you're the first one I trusted to take care of one of my patients? Take note, I haven't treated one a long while. Mr. Lightfoot and Ms. DunBroch – now including Ms. Arendelle – are my first patients in almost two years."
Anna didn't know that. She knew the doctor refused to take in new patients but she figured he was just fine being the Director after all those years in the field. She gave a shake of the head. "I have no clue."
He didn't say anything for a while. Gran Pabbie just looked at her, gaze lost in thought. Anna had never seen him look so downhearted. He was usually so jolly and unperturbed by anything. Now, his eyes were swimming with a certain kind of sadness, the one that made him look almost broken.
"Can I share something with you, Miss Anna?" With a slow dip of her head, he continued. "Eight years ago, I was met with a… rather difficult patient. I will not go into too much detail, but he grew on me like grass on a barren land." He chuckled, "That's quite a bad metaphor, isn't it? But it was as unexpected as growth over a solid, unfertile soil. He was one of the hardest patients I've dealt with. While patients generally resist help initially, he tried to put me off for almost five years."
This sounded deeply personal. Anna chose to listen carefully as he told his story with the blues in his voice.
"But I managed to convince him to let me help, and managed to aid him in his recovery from the traumas life gave him. He was okay after a while. I knew he was." Gran Pabbie sighed. "I was wrong. Soon, he returned to me, to this very hospital, asking for my help."
He looked up to her, beseeching, "I treated him again, and by this time, he was the son I never had. I trusted my nurses to take care of him. I trusted this hospital. It didn't end well."
"What happened?" Anna asked after the man went silent.
Gran Pabbie scratched his face, giving her a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I… His nurse got his abuser through the hospital's security system and allowed them to speak." The gravity of his words was magnified by the cracking of his voice. His lips quivered. "He killed himself the next day."
This was a horror story. While Anna was detached from this stranger, any psych nurse would be left in shock. She had sour taste in her mouth as she tried to figure out what to think of this information.
"There are a lot of people who mean well, but not all are successful. His nurse was once the best in Middleton Psychiatric, but she was not as perceptive as she would seem."
It didn't make sense, explained nothing. Gran Pabbie was back leaning against his chair, carefree expression on his face. "You know how to handle people well, Anna. Most of all, you've got empathy. I trust that you won't make a mistake like that."
The problem, it seemed, was very situational.
Doctor Pablo's concern stemmed from a unique, though very heart-breaking incident. Anna had no idea how it related to her. Granted, it seemed like something he'd put together with a lot of thought, but still, his story regarding the best nurse actually mirrored their situation.
"Are you saying this nurse wasn't emphatic?"
"I'm saying she seemed perfect," he clarified. "And you do, too."
Anna blinked, distinctively lost. "Uhm… what?"
She really had no brain cells left after having met Elizabeth earlier. Anna felt weak, like she was just running on cortisol, her mind begging for a break. Did she remind him of this nurse? Was he doing this so he could control the situation better?
Nothing made sense anymore. Maybe she was not as emphatic as he's saying.
"You won't end up like her," Gran Pabbie said. "I know it."
Throwing her hands in the air, Anna sighed, "I give up. I don't… really understand."
Chuckling, he nodded. "I'd be scared if you did."
The Director looked at her like he was waiting for something to sink in. When nothing did, he smiled, pulling the file over and lending it to her.
"Let's talk about Ms. Arendelle."
That caught Anna's attention. It was really the only reason she was there. If it wasn't for her want of information to help Elizabeth, Anna would have left the hospital already. "Right."
Opening the folder, Anna was met with the blonde's medical record again.
"Ms. Arendelle started treatment and therapy when she was thirteen years old. Like most of dissociative disorders, she was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia for the first few years of her treatment but finally, they identified her with DID." He met her eyes. "Do you know much about DID?"
"Only that people who have it live with… a system of personalities that take on different aspects of life," Anna replied as she thumbed through the folder. "It's characterised with a disrupted sense of self and develops through childhood."
"Due to severe trauma. I can lend you a few books if you want to know more, but it is treated the same way as posttraumatic stress disorder. I have gone through private at home sessions with her. The notes written by the end were made by me."
Anna nodded and he motioned for her to flip to it.
"Written there are Ms. Arendelle's dissociated identities, or alters if you prefer. Their types are included, too, well, at least the ones I've spoken with. The other information was given to me by Seven, as not all of them were willing to talk to me. Please treat these alternate identities suitably."
Most of the labels didn't make sense but Anna threaded through, willing to wait until the end to ask questions. Her neck was starting to hurt from weariness. She lied down on the couch without as much as a warning, shoes resting on the armrests.
Doctor Pablo chuckled at her, reclining in his office chair as he, too, rested.
Major Observations:
1. Showed four (4) total alternate identities, reported seven (7) in total
2. Two (2) Apparently Normal Parts (ANP), One (1) reported Emotional Part
3. Experiences Dissociated Amnesia through switches
4. Recurrent gaps in recalling everyday events
5. Total amnesia in the trauma that had been/ is experiencing
6. Observed Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Alternate Identities
1. El (ANP/Host)
·Female
·27, follows the age of the body,
·Stable, logical
·Handles everyday life
·Little to no recollection of trauma
2. Seven (ANP)
·Male
·27, follows the age of the body
·Protector Alter
·Handles stress and perceived threat
·Little to no recollection of trauma
3. Beth
·Female
·Ageless
·Caregiver Alter
·Handles business and work
·Withholds information regarding trauma, possible trauma holder
4. Lilly
·Female
·17, retains the same age
·Sexual Alter
·Handles uncomfortable advances and events
·Trauma holder
5. Unknown
·Male
·8, retains the same age
·Child Alter
·No information regarding trauma
6. Unknown (EP)
·Gender unknown
·Age unknown
·Persecutor Alter
·Trauma holder
7. Unknown (EP)
·Gender unknown
·Age unknown
·No information regarding trauma
There were a ton of words that intimidated and confused Anna. She stretched on the couch and sat up immediately after, exclaiming loudly, "I have zero working brain cells to process this information."
"At least you tried."
"What do ANP and EP mean?" The terms sounded like military codes, actually. Anna closed the folder with a sigh. "And what the fuck is a sexual alter?"
"Language, Nurse Anna," Pabbie chided. Anna gave him a bored look. "Apparently Normal Parts, ANPs. The identity who handles everyday life and the ones that could pass off as 'normal'. El and Seven are ANP, but Beth, from the sole occasion I spoke to her, is also an ANP despite seeming knowledgeable about the abuse." Doctor Pablo took a deep breath, watching if Anna was still listening. "EPs refer to Emotional Parts, alters who hold traumatic memories. Not all do that, though. Sometimes they just get triggered by certain emotions or are meant to hold specific memories, like Sexual Alters."
"I guess Sexual Alters carry memories of sexual… abuse?" The notion was nauseating. Poor Elizabeth. Anna could only imagine the suffering she had to endure. It must have been unbelievably cruel for her to create multiple identities just to continue living.
And to think she was the blonde girl from Sutterton made it more tragic. Anna felt bile rise to her throat, the images of dark bruises littering otherwise untainted skin. If only I could have helped…
No.
No more. Thinking about Elsa would absolutely render the nurse hopeless and guilty and likely an unrecoverable mess. Taking a deep breath, she shook her head and told herself that no, Elizabeth was not her.
Anna wouldn't be able to take it.
"I would say so, yes."
Gran Pabbie's answer was an unwanted confirmation. Anna took a shaky breath, wishing she had a glass of water to drink to dislodge the ball of anxiety in her throat. Instead, she swallowed drily. "You have a reference I could read to learn more about?"
"Yes. I'll lend you one so that you could learn about the technical terms and… all the other technicalities."
Anna held a palm out, bloodshot eyes staring at the equally weary doctor. "Will you give me the book now?"
"If you want."
"Will you also let me have a day-off to study this assignment? Tomorrow?" Anna glanced at the clock slowly. "Oh. I mean today."
Gran Pabbie studied her for a moment before nodding. "Go ahead. I'll have Nurse Ralph take care of her."
"Wait. Why not Mrs. Megara?"
And why Nurse Ralph? There was nothing Anna had against him, really, but why not the Head Nurse if it was as important as the doctor made it seem? She was given a shrug as an answer. "She's already too busy with the trainees and general management. Nurse Ralph should be the next best thing."
Okay. That's… reasonable. Doctor Pablo was already picking out books from the bookshelf behind him, coming up with three hardbound texts. At Anna's lethargic frown, he made a gesture, shooing her away.
"What?" she asked sharply, offended with the rudeness as she collected it.
"Go home. You look like death."
Anna changed out of her work clothes and waved goodbye to Herc and Tadashi with the drowsiest smile she could muster. Gran Pabbie's books were heavy in her bag and she could only be thankful she was way too tired to think too much about things. Once Anna had gotten inside her car with a makeshift plastic as a window, she almost dozed off.
Thankfully, Mr. Pitch was quick to scare the living daylights out of her with a flashlight, effectively waking her up so she could drive home through the rainless night.
'ello! I am here again to thank SheAlwaysDies for being a saint and saving me from the hell of my mistakes. Seriously, AMGA is the story it is all because of their miracles and magic! To everyone who's following the story, thank you so much! To the Guest asking if Anna's the only nurse available, I hope this chap answered your question. cheers xx