CW: grief, high emotions, food

:TWENTY-FIVE:

Harry and Dudley had school the next day, so Sirius woke up alone with a note by him on the bed.

Taking the boys to the bus stop, love. Be back shortly.

He held tight to the note, reading Remus' handwriting over and over. Though Sirius was surrounded by physical evidence that he'd left Azkaban, though all of his happy memories and sense of self had returned, he still wasn't certain this was all real. That this wasn't all a very elaborate dream or that he'd died in his sleep. But then, Sirius thought bitterly, if he had died...he'd be with Lily and James.

Tears fell before Sirius could stop them, all of the overwhelming feelings of loss and guilt crashing over him in waves. It had been his idea to make Peter the Secret-keeper, all those years ago. If he hadn't done that...Harry might still have had his parents. Sirius might still have had his best friend, his chosen brother. He had never really had time to process that pain, because he'd been seeking revenge and then sent off to Azkaban right after.

Remus found him like that, sobbing and curled up. He crawled into the bed and held him close, not needing an explanation because he had gone through this exact same grieving process. The difference for Sirius was that he didn't have to be alone, not anymore. Remus couldn't tell him it would be okay, or that things would get easier. All he could really promise was this.

"I'm here, Sirius." He murmured, over and over while Sirius held onto him.

They stayed like that until Sirius' tears stopped and his breathing slowly evened out. He buried his head in Remus' shoulder, allowing the scent of his clothing to calm him. It was the same - everything about Remus was grounding because though they had both grown older, he hadn't changed in all the ways that mattered. Remus still loved him - all of him.

"Would you like some breakfast, love?" Remus asked quietly, resting his chin on Sirius' head.

Sirius' rumbling stomach answered for him, bringing dry chuckles from them both. Slowly, they both got up out of the bed and walked out into the kitchen. Remus handed Sirius a large glass of water, then went to cook breakfast for them both and make tea.

"I'm going to use the bathroom." Sirius said, once he'd finished the water. "I'll be right back."

Remus nodded, turning to smile at Sirius.

Sirius used the bathroom, then splashed cold water on his face. As he looked into the mirror, it felt like all of his emotions were shining right under the surface. And, even though it hurt right now, Sirius would go through all of these feelings over being back with the dementors any day. He looked down at the counter, where Harry's small green toothbrush rested. Smirking slightly, Sirius held the toothbrush delicately in his hand.

Laughter, low and warm, erupted from Sirius as he looked at this innocuous object. Maybe it was a little hysterical too, but that's besides the point. The point was that he was safe, with the people he had never stopped thinking about and hoping were safe. Remus was doing so well, judging by the flat and his overall appearance, while Harry was just…

Abused. James Potter's son, whom Sirius had tried to take responsibility for, had been handed straight off into an abusive home. And what would have happened if Remus hadn't got to him when he had? Harry was still young enough that he would probably be okay, but if he'd grown up there… Sirius' other hand clenched into a fist. He knew exactly what living in a home like that could do to a person. And he didn't know why, but he did know exactly who was responsible.

Taking a deep breath, Sirius tried to regulate his own rocketing emotions. He slowly set down the toothbrush and relaxed his other hand. He didn't want to ruin his first morning with Remus, not after they'd been apart for so long. So he took a few more breaths, rolled his shoulders, and then left the bathroom.

"Perfect timing." Remus grinned, setting the table and bringing over the saucepan with eggs and bacon in it. "Tea's almost done as well."

"Great," Sirius smiled at him, taking a seat. "Thanks, Remus."

Remus brought over the tea, then took his seat so they could eat together. And for a while, they just sat together and ate with the sun shining through the kitchen window. The whole world could have been falling apart outside, but in that space they were impenetrable. Even the food, which Sirius ate ravenously, felt almost sacred.

After their late breakfast, Remus turned on some background music and led them both to the couch. Sirius curled up next to him with a mug of tea, while Remus did his job with one arm as Sirius had claimed the other one. With his reading glasses on, Remus looked like their old school librarian, which made Sirius laugh. After a few minutes though, he fell asleep in the warmth and peace Remus had created, leaving Remus to finish his work and wait patiently for Harry to return home.

Notes:

I wanted to give an inside look into the emotional process Sirius is going through this chapter before we tackle the more practical consequences of Sirius' release, like Petunia's reaction and the confrontation with Dumbledore. We lost a few friends after I posted the last two chapters with Remus and Sirius, so naturally my response to that is to write an entire chapter with nothing but them being together.

Happy Reading!