Chapter Thirteen

The next day dawn broke bright and cold and Jim and Spock almost seemed to be performing an elaborate dance around each other after the events of last night and the previous several days. It was yet another thing that was not spoken about by either party but Jim saw how Spock's eyes, every so often, would drift towards the ring of bruises when her sleeve rode up as she'd reach for something or when she became warm and had to take off the sweater. He looked so ashamed that it broke her heart. There were too many things that they needed to talk about. It was driving her crazy.

She seized the opportunity during breakfast which she prepared before Spock woke. Normally, she wouldn't get the chance but she hadn't been able to sleep with her thoughts continuously falling to the forefront of her mind.

With her ankle injury she felt as if she'd been hobbled and could never move fast enough. Even though Spock and her weren't really talking he still would do everything for her before she even had a chance to try and it only served to frustrate her. She'd always been independent and self-sufficient and, with no real modern technology to heal her break or a proper cast or even crutches, she was reliant on his assistance.

Spock had shown her the caves that housed their water supply, the edible vegetation and small mammals, and the amazing hot springs. She had to grudgingly admit it was a beautiful sight and the feel of the hot springs when she had tested them out had been heaven against her sore body.

She'd just plated up a set of the sweet potato-like vegetables and cut up fruit when Spock came out from their 'bedroom', his eyebrows shooting up in surprise but, just as quickly, coming down in a frown directed at her. Jim rolled her eyes at his concern and held out a plate for him. She despised being a burden on anyone.

"I'm fine, Spock. I used the walking stick you got me and sat down to cook."

Spock still scrutinized her to tell if she was lying and, seemingly satisfied with her condition, accepted the plate of food. "I apologize for my behavior. I have noticed, over the course of your time here, that you tend to minimize and hide injuries as well as pain. It is rather unsettling."

Shrugging, Jim took a bite of her food before she replied. "Habit."

"A habit I hope you will break." He murmured and Jim sighed, not replying.

She missed the friendship that had been developing between them that was now strained. She moved her fork around on her plate, deep in thought at how to start the conversation. She decided to do what she did best. Just wing it.

"Spock?"

Her companion glanced up from his own food, waiting. "Yes, Jim?"

"I..." She took a deep breath, steeling herself for this conversation. "I think we need to talk."

Spock's face became blank, as if shutters had suddenly fallen and blocked out any hint of him. "About?"

"About this!" She waved around the room and then pointed between themselves. "About us!" Spock remained quiet. Jim rubbed her forehead, exasperated by his lack of response. "About everything."

"First off, I need you to back off." He opened his mouth to interrupt but Jim put a finger up to forestall him. "I'm not an invalid and I can do things on my own."

"I beg to differ due to your current state." His eyes drifted pointedly to her injury.

Jim stabbed her potato thing with more force than necessary. "Well, smart-ass, right now I'm not able to be fully independent but I can still do a lot of things on my own."

"Very well. I will attempt to reign in my instincts in regards to your need for help." He told her primly.

"Thank y-Hold on. Instincts?"

"However, I will still deny or assist you in certain areas as I see fit." He interrupted.

Jim ground her teeth but gave a jerky nod. She supposed it was a good thing to compromise...maybe. She'd see as time went on. It might make them have a better working relationship when they returned to the Enterprise.

And they would. She refused to believe otherwise.

"Instincts? I thought Vulcans no longer reacted to primitive instincts."

Spock took a bite of his breakfast and chewed slowly, as if pondering how to answer her. "All mammals have instincts to protect those they deem important to them." He eyed Jim pointedly and paused to let Jim absorb the words. "Even those that have evolved to sentience react to their natural instincts. It is logical and necessary."

Jim swallowed a bite, her throat dry. She was important? Did he really think of her that way?

Now came the more...awkward part of the conversation. "I also wanted to-" Fuck. "-let you know that even when I'm mad at you, I still-" love? "-like you."

Spock's eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline which had started to grow longer than usual despite their short time here and was uneven due to his attempts to cut it but it was still pushed back and he still was handsome even with the mess. "You 'like' me." He said in a flat tone, an eyebrow raised in disbelief.

Jim frowned in confusion at his tone. "You think I hate you?"

His body language shifted to something different, something almost dangerous at her refusal to admit the truth. "No. I think that you are feeling a far different emotion towards me."

She began to feel a thrill of fear and excitement, her heart leaping into her throat. He couldn't know. How could he know? She'd been so careful. "And what feeling is that, Mister Spock?" She she said, her voice strained.

He slid towards her, his movements graceful and very predatory. She felt like trapped prey being hunted. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and she shivered in response but it wasn't an entirely scared sensation. It was more like anticipation.

"It is one that I feel myself." His voice was smooth as silk and his pupils dilated and darkened, a knowing smile gracing his lips.

She scooted back, stumbling off her seat and fell onto her back and he climbed on top her her, carefully holding his weight above her but trapping her just as effectively. Her breathing sped up and she could feel the heat of his body seeping through the layers of their clothing. He was close. Far too close. She was scared but excited. Did he truly want her or was the planet affecting him? Would he still want her when they got back?

"Spock, you don't want this. This planet is doing something to you." She said hoarsely. "You don't want...me."

"Don't I?"

Jim placed her hands against his chest to halt his movements. It was painful for her. Here he was, wanting her and she was stopping him out of chivalry. She couldn't let him do this. "Spock, I'm...I'm not what you want. I've done things. Bad things. I'm.." Her voice caught as memories flooded her, her past that she wanted to keep hidden. Tarsus and the things done to her there, her time in Iowa and the many bar fights and low-level crimes she had done to try and get attention from her mom that eventually worked, when she had been at the academy and experimented to just simply feel something, and her shore leaves when she had been on her Enterprise to make the hurt of rejection from her Spock simply fade away but it never worked.

Watery blue eyes found chocolate brown ones. "I'm broken."

He lowered his head, gently nuzzling behind her ear and Jim trembled and her arms slackened slightly. "No. Never broken. Simply fractured but always perfect."

He lifted one hand, gently stroking the side of her face, leaving trails of warm fire in it's wake. Spock's head dipped down, his nose brushing her cheek. "I know your mind. Your wants." He whispered, his breath hot in her ear and Jim shivered, her blood pooling lower as she groaned. "The cravings and emotions you feel in regards to me that are strong enough to break through my shields." His tongue traced a path up the side of her neck and Jim's breathing sped up.

"Spock?" She protested again weakly, trying to get him to see reason. She couldn't take advantage of him. "I'm not what you want. I'm-" Jim paused. "-damaged."

"As am I but you are perfect. What you see and regard as damage, I find them to be a part of you and it does not matter as I want to know all of you, not just parts." He murmured and Jim's resolve to keep him away began to crumble. Would he hate her when they got back? When he was back to normal and saw what she really was? She wanted him so bad that it hurt and her hands drifted down to his arms, letting him in even though Jim knew it would hurt when they got back but at least she would always have this moment, this memory, to hold onto forever.

"Your desires swim in your blood." His hands stroked her shoulders as he put his weight on his knees and situated himself in between her legs that fell open to accommodate him. "The feelings you will not acknowledge and that you hide so deep you may not even know the depth of them yourself."

His head moved lower as he started to mouth at her collarbone, his right hand cupping her breast and Jim felt a familiar tightening in her belly as his left hand stroked her belly.

"Are you saying you read my mind?" She asked breathlessly. Jim could see his control wavering but he seemed calmer with her letting him in, as if he was...at peace with the physical proof of her caring for him. Her own control shook and fell.

His hand wandered under her uniform dress and stopped just under the waistband of her underwear, Spock's nose nuzzling her neck. "The first time was unintentional but what I had seen could not be forgotten. Your mind called to me like a siren song, deadly and beautiful."

His hand moved lower and she felt herself become wet in anticipation as she panted, her body flushing pink down to her neck. "I know your mind, your feelings, your wants." He moved lower and she fisted her hands in his shirt, not knowing whether to push him away or pull him closer as his hand snaked lower and he started to touch her. She gasped, arching into his touch. Teeth grazed her shoulder as a finger dipped inside and Jim's legs spread wider.

"Taluhk nash-veh k'dular. I love you, my Jim."

Those words broke her and she surged up, grabbing his head and kissed him as his hand cradled her the base of her skull and a thumb stroked her clit. His hips thrust downwards and she felt a hardness against her. She moaned into his mouth as his fingers penetrated her.

"I will not have you on the floor." He growled low into her collarbone.

She whimpered as he suddenly pulled away but he didn't go far. He scooped her up and carried her to the next room, placing her gently on the bed as if she was made of fine china. No. As if she was something infinitely precious to him.

He settled, once more, in between her thighs and leaned back, pulling off his shirt and revealing a toned chest. Spock surged forward, taking possession of her mouth and Jim melted into the kiss, allowing his tongue to caress hers.

Deft fingers found the hem of her uniform dress and she arched to let him pull it off. His pupils were blown wide as he touched the revealed skin and opened the front clasp to her bra, her nipples hardening as her arousal ramped up in the coolness of the room.

His hot mouth descended onto her breasts as he kissed and licked them, finding her nipples he sucked and gently bit them and Jim held his head in place and gasped as he worshipped her breasts. His hands moved lower and gently petted her sides, settling on her hips and he moved lower, kissing every part of her body he could reach.

He sat back on his haunches and held the elastic of her underwear, silently asking for permission and Jim nodded. He carefully peeled the garments from her and touched the insides of her thighs, gazing at her reverently.

"I love you, Jim, my ashayem. I will no longer deny this. I will show you this every day that we are together to prove this to you. I want you to be mine."

Tears welled up in her eyes at his words and his image blurred slightly as he stood and removed his own pants and underwear, revealing his hardness to her. Jim quickly wiped the tears away and Spock moved to lay on top of her, his member rubbing against her and his hand dipping low to rub her folds, a finger dipping in and his thumb, once more rubbing her clit as he panted against her neck, his breath hot and moist.

Jim's breathing sped up as a second finger was added and a coil inside her started to tighten as she ground down against his hand urging him to keep going. His movements sped up and he gently started to thrust against her hip. She pulled him to her, opening her mouth against his and his tongue entered and they fought for dominance that he easily won. She began to flex and tense and try to close her legs as the feeling intensified but he wouldn't allow it and she felt her orgasm fast approaching and he continued his pleasurable assault on her. She screamed into his mouth as it overwhelmed her.

As she shook in pleasure, he pushed into her, filling her and she sighed, hooking a leg over his hip. He stilled, tension filling his frame and his face screwed up as he worked to control himself as he felt her tight walls encompassing him and fluttering after her orgasm.

"Tell me the words." He ordered, his voice tight and strained.

Jim shook her head, hiding her face in his neck and pushed her hips up, earning a gasp for the Vulcan.

"Tell me!" He growled and gave one thrust, shoving her up slightly and Jim bit her lip, fighting to keep silent but Spock persisted.

"I know your thoughts but I want you to say them. To admit them!" He held her with one arm as the other, once more, moved back down, tracing where they were joined.

"Tell me." He whispered in her ear and he pulled out an inch and pushed back in, forcing himself to remain still. She could feel it in the way he was shaking and her arms flew to his shoulders as she arched her back, pressing her breasts against him. She could no longer deny it.

"I love you, Spock." She whispered.

He thrust again, just once. "Say it again."

"Say it again!" He ordered.

Her nails scraped down his back as she held on. He started thrusting harder, holding her tight to him. "I love you! I have loved you from the moment I met you and I know I will always love you!" She shouted and that seemed to be the only permission he needed as he thrust in earnest.

Her body clamped down on him as her second orgasm rapidly approached and Spock sped up his movements.

"I need-" He groaned and shook. "I need-"

She knew instinctively what he wanted and needed and she was going to give it to him, to submit to the man that she loved. "Do it! Take it!"

His hand flew up and connected to her meld points as she exploded in pleasure, his unchained Vulcan emotions overwhelming her. Love, lust, longing, possessiveness, everything she had ever wanted flew into her mind, filling every part of her as if he had always been, and always would be, there. She heard him roar as he pulsed inside her, filling her and penetrating her mind far deeper than her body. Her world filled with vibrant colors and thoughts, exciting her and amazing her at the same time and she grabbed at them and him greedily, desperate to hold on forever.

It seemed like hours or years before she came back to herself, wrapped in unimaginable love and held close to a warm body that cradled her. Gentle kisses to the back of her neck caused her to push back against Spock and he held her close. She hoped that he would never let her go but, right now, she didn't ever want him to.