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"How dare that vile, soulless, hideous excuse for a woman insult me?!" Dan screamed as he paced back and forth before the group, no longer on fire. "I will make her rue the day she came to hell, I will make sure she knows not to mess with me!"
After his little burning man show, Dan was quickly extinguished by Moxxie and now ranting in anger from the news cast.
"After what they all said about you, I can understand you being angry. I mean, all your quirks aside, you're a good guy." Blitzo said with honesty.
"Even if his revenge list is completely insane." Moxxie whispered to his wife.
"I heard that! You're lucky I do put you on the list!" Dan shouted as he pointed to Moxxie, who jumped at the pointing. "Now, onto the matter of getting back at the fake smiling, news reporting leech!"
"Meow." Mr. Mumbles meowed as Dan turned to her.
"What?" Dan asked.
"Meow." She said again as Dan walked up to her.
"What do you mean "later?" What could be more important right now then getting my revenge?" Dan asked his faithful pet friend.
"Meow." Mr. Mumbles said before she licked her paws, the lingering of the fish sandwich still there.
"A client? When?" Dan asked as Blitzo remembered something.
"Fuck! That's right! We have a client coming in today, she should be here in a few minutes." He said as he checked his watch.
"When was this? I wasn't informed about this!" Dan said as he turned to his boss.
"Looney got the call yesterday after work ended, we tried to call you but you don't a phone yet so we sort of forgot." Blitzo said like it was no big deal. "Sorry, Dan but your revenge is gonna have to wait until after the potential client's revenge is done."
"This is an outrage! My vengeance is far more important right now then whatever this client wants!" Dan argued as he walked up to Blitzo. "Can't you just tell to come back another time?"
"Sorry Dan, but it's bad business to tell a client to reschedule right on the day their appointment was made. They may take their business elsewhere!" Blitzo said as the office doors were opened and the client came in. "Speak of the devil, here she is."
Turning to the doors, everyone saw a demonic woman with violet skin, pointed ears, red eyes with yellow pupils, sharp yellow teeth, goat like horns, and dark purple hooves for feet. She looked about as tall as Blitzo with messy white hair, a black scrunchy scarf-like headband, red earrings, and pink glasses on her face while wearing a dark pink shirt with noticeable stitches, a black torn skirt, and an upside down red teardrop jewel on her chest with yellow on the tip.
"I'm here for my appointment." she said with crossed arms and a sour look on her face. "I'm Ms. Mayberry."
"Right this way, ma'am! Step into my office!" Blitzo said as he directed her to his office while turning to the rest of them. "Hold all calls for future appointments and prepare yourselves, we must provide excellent service!"
"But my vengeance!" Dan whined before the door was shut and he was left to slump and grumble.
"Don't worry, Dan. I'm sure when we're done, we'll help you kill that Katie Killjoy." Millie said with a positive smile, reminding Dan of his most loyal grunt from his time living, Chris.
'Looks like I found a new Chris.' Dan thought as he lighted up a bit and pulled out a notepad.
"Very well but right when we're done, that blonde bimbo will get her's!" Dan said as he began to make a plan to get his vengeance.
As Dan sat on a couch to write his plans for vengeance, the rest of the IMP were doing whatever they could to pass the tome while Blitzo and Ms. Mayberry talked. Loona took a spot next to Dan on the couch as she browsed on her phone, Mr. Mumbles was napping on the receptionist desk, and Moxxie and Millie were having target practice with a crossbow at a family picture. Too bad Moxxie was getting cold feet and hesitating, shaking like a leave as he aimed for the picture.
"Moxxie, calm down or you'll shoot Dan or Loona." Millie said as she gestured to them, with Loona holding the picture.
"Huh? What's going on?" Dan asked as he wasn't paying attention until he saw Moxxie holding a crossbow.
"Moxxie's being a pussy cuz he can't shoot this family photo." Loona said, not looking up from her phone.
"Seriously? What's the problem?" Dan asked as he put his notepad away.
"It's a family! What reason would we have to kill an innocent looking family?" Moxxie asked as Dan looked at the picture before turning back to Moxxie.
"You put too much faith in humanity by appearance. One time after being saved after being trapped in a cabin during an avalanche, my friend Chris showed up with a normal, if not perfect, looking family only to find out they were a deranged family of cannibals that tried to eat him after they were caught by the mountain patrol!" Dan said as Loona, Moxxie, and Millie looked at him in shock. "I kidd you not, their son with braces tried to bite off Chris' finger before they were taken away. He pulled back just in time."
"Surprising but very excellent point, Dan! Human can hide any sort of crazy nasty inside, it why so many of them end up here!" Millie said as she walked around her husband.
"Well, yes but that could be rare and-" Moxxie tried to say before Millie grabbed his face and made him face her.
"It is not our business to know whose guilty or innocent, Mox. We just kill em, plain and simple. Now shoot the target, honey." Millie said before giving him a kiss and letting him go.
"I guess think that maybe we should-" Moxxie said before Dan marched up and snatched the crossbow from him. "Hey!"
"If you don't the stomach to shoot a crossbow at a family, then why did you even get into the assassination business?" Dan asked before aiming at the picture and firing, getting the father right in the head as the arrow imbedded in the wall behind Loona.
"Headshot, nice." Loona said as she looked at the picture.
"Thank you." Dan said before looking to Moxxie, putting the crossbow on his shoulder. "See? That wasn't so hard."
"For you, maybe since you don't have a conscious." Moxxie mumbled before Blitzo kicked his office door open.
"GUY'S, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE ARE IN BUSINESS!" He said before gesturing to Ms. Mayberry. "We will be taking on the case of our newest client immediately! Looney, clear the schedule for the next two hours! Everyone else, prepare and get ready! We've got someone to kill!"
After seeing Ms. Mayberry off and getting any weapons ready, IMP assembled in the lobby again as Loona held the book to take them to Earth.
"Alright, people, let's go lick some ass!" Blitzo said as he punched his hand.
"The expression is actually "kick some ass," Blitz." Millie said as the portal opened.
"I prefer mine, it's better." he said as they all walked through the portal, coming up to some bushes overseeing the house of their target.
It was a cozy, small red house by a lake as the sun sets, giving the perfect romantic mood if you were a couple visiting the lake.
"Hmm, quant." Dan commented as they approached the house, ducking under the window as he and Blitzo peered into the house.
Inside of the house was a family of 3 at the dinner table with unique décor of axes, family pictures, and...human remains fashioned into picture frames, mounted mementos, or household appliances.
'Oh god! They're Satanists!' Dan thought in shock as a fourth member came from the kitchen with a covered tray, she had light skin, bright pink lipstick, brown eyes, purple eye shadow, and a mole under right eye with big, poofy blonde hair while wearing blue skinny jeans, red bracelets, and a skin tight cream colored shirt with red polka dots that shows off her bust, red high heels, and big, circular blue earrings. She also has a bandage on her forehead.
Sitting at the head was a muscular man with light brown hair and eyebrows with a white strand in the back of his hair, closed eyes, and a gold tooth while wearing a plaid red shirt with blue jeans; on the left side of the table were two, a boy and girl, with red hair. The girl had same skin tone as the mother, red eyes, a blue shirt with puffed shelves and a dark red and pink plaid skirt while her hair was in pigtails. The boy had the same skin tone as the father with black eyes, wearing a white shirt and brown shorts with a muskrat hat on his head. Their was also an earn of ash in a wheelchair on the left side.
"Alright guys, I have the target." Blitzo informed them as he looked over the group. "Who wants to take this? Moxxie, you want this one?"
"Me? Really?" he asked as he peered into the house, seeing the seemingly happy family and feeling bad they were about to kill one of them.
"Yeah, it's fine. It's a simple task of shooting a mother that just got out of the hospital." Blitzo said as he pulled out a sniper rifle.
"Correction, a Satanist mother that just got out of the hospital." Dan said as everyone turned to him.
"Satanist?" Millie asked him.
"Have you guys never heard of Satanists? They're a religious cult that worships Lucifer and commits sins in his name, did you guys just think all humans worshiped God?" Dan asked them with a raised eyebrow.
"I did but not anymore. I guess you were right about humans, Dan." Moxxie said as his worries vanished, not feeling so bad after learning the family were Satanists. "But how did you figure it out so quickly?"
"Easy, I took a look at their décor while Blitz focused on the target. Let me show you." Dan whispered as Blitzo put the gun down and they all peered into the home again, seeing the wife sitting at the table and eating with her family. "Look past the big husband, in the den and mounted to the wall is a human head with guns at the sides and below."
"Holy shit, you're right." Blitzo said in surprise as the human head had a look of horror.
"Next, notice the walls have sharp axes hanging and two picture frames made of human bones." Dan whispered as Millie "woahed."
"Wow. Nice axes though." she said as Moxxie shivered at the bone frames.
"The next thing is the lamp in the corner, it's made of a human spine and pelvis with the lamp shade appearing to be sewed together flesh." Dan whispered as Moxxie held his mouth, feeling vomit come up.
"These people are monsters." he hushed as he felt himself getting sicker by the second.
"One last that, the salad. It has eye balls in it, so they're cannibals too." Dan whispered as he pointed to the salad at the end of the table, with two eyeballs looking at them. "Need I go on?"
"Nope, nope. No more. You've said enough." Moxxie said as he moved down, holding his stomach at how sick humans can be, even sicker than he thought they were! Even the children! "Let's kill the target wife and go home."
"And just to add, I will be burning this house down. My moral compass is skewed greatly but I draw the line at cannibalism." Dan said as he snapped his fingers, making a small flame like a lighter. "Let's do this."
"You read my mind, guys." Blitzo said as he picked up the sniper rifle and aimed in the house, right at the mother. "I got you bitch."
With one pull of the trigger, Blitzo shot through the window and killed the blonde woman in a single head shot, making the family gasp in horror as she fell face first on the table
"Boom! Let's hit the road!" Blitzo said as they ran away from the house.
As they ran, Dan picked up several rocks and covered them in flames before turning back to the house.
"I'll see you in hell!" He shouted before throwing the rocks, hitting different parts of the house as it caught fire and burned the satanic family alive.
Running back to the group, Dan saw that Blitzo was talking with Loona on the phone to get the portal open. A few moments later, the portal to IMP was open and everyone returned to the office with Loona and Mr. Mumbles waiting.
"So, that was quick. How it go?" Loona asked.
"It was good and educational about how humans really are disgusting inside. Thanks to Dan." Millie said with a smile as Moxxie nodded in agreement, feeling a bit bad for the kids burning alive.
"And this calls for a celebration! For our quickest job ever!" Blitzo said as he brought out his phone to call Ms. Mayberry back to celebrate. "Millie, get us a cake! Moxxie, bust out the plates and silverware! Dan, get us some punch from the convenience store down the street! Loona, go with Dan to get some party hats! Break!"
Going off for their designated tasks, everything was prepared as Ms. Mayberry came back and celebrated with them to victory angel food cake and punch.
'Today, a Satanist, cannibalistic family. Tomorrow, Katie Killjoy!' Dan thought with a corner slice of cake and Mr. Mumbles licking some frosting from a piece of her own.