AN: Hello all. I want to apologize for it being such a long time between updates. I am currently working two jobs, which doesn't leave much time for writing, but I have not abandoned this story or any of my others. I will be continuing them to completion. So, here's another chapter. As always, reviews are welcome but please be respectful. Hope you enjoy. Happy Holidays!

Chapter 11: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

The next day, Joey was back to avoiding Arizona. It was lunchtime and she really didn't want to be bothered with other people. She casually looked into the attendings' lounge, grateful to find it empty. She deduced that everyone else had decided to eat lunch in the cafeteria or outside since it was a nice day. She let out a sigh of relief as she went over to the frig and retrieved her lunch. She put her container in the microwave, starting it for three minutes, then took a seat on the couch to wait for it to finish. A minute after she sat down, Meredith walked in. She did her best not to react but she couldn't help the groan that escaped her. Meredith looked over at her, clearly offended.

"Sorry" she quickly apologized. "I was just… hoping to eat alone" she admitted.

"Not too many places to be alone around here" she said as she refilled her coffee. "Next time try to find an empty on call room". Joey nodded. "There's locks on the doors".

"I will do that". The microwave stopped and Joey got up to retrieve her lunch. She'd made spaghetti at home and had plenty leftover. She opened the lid, letting the steam escape, as she went over and retook her seat on the couch. Meredith came over and took a seat next to her.

"So you know Arizona and I are friends, right?"

"Yeah" she nodded. "Yeah, everyone seems to get along pretty well here".

"We're family here" she said seriously. "We've gone through a lot together. We've survived a lot together".

"The plane crash" she stated more than asked.

"Right" Meredith nodded. She remembered that Arizona had talked to Joey about that on the first night they met. "I know what happened to her wrist".

"She told you?"

"No. She told Alex and Alex told me" she informed her. "My best friend, Cristina…"

"The one from the plane crash?" Meredith looked at her.

"Yeah, the one from the plane crash" she said flatly.

"Sorry" Joey apologized again. "I'll stop interrupting".

"Thank you" she said again in a flat tone. Joey stifled a laugh as she waited for Meredith to continue. "Anyway, Cristina and Owen got together when he first started here. He had a lot of baggage from what he'd gone through over in…. where ever he was over there". Joey looked away from her bowl and locked eyes with Meredith. "He hurt her" she said simply. "Badly" she added. "Worse than what you did to Arizona. He didn't mean it and he was very sorry but it didn't change the fact that he had a problem". Joey listened intently to what Meredith was saying. She had an idea of where this conversation would end up. "Cristina cared about him so she tried to stand by him. They both came to work the day after it happened and went about their day like everything was normal. They tried to pretend like nothing happened".

"I wouldn't…" she stopped her there. "I would never do that" she said firmly. "I know what I did. I feel terrible about it. I'm not pretending like it didn't happen".

"Good" Meredith said pleased with her response. "I care about Cristina and I didn't let it go without some arguing. I care about Arizona too and I…."

"You don't have to argue" she interrupted her again. "I've already put distance between us. I don't want to hurt her again…. or anyone else".

"So, what are you gonna do about it?" she asked interested to hear her plan.

"What do you mean?" Joey asked confused.

"Cristina pushed Owen to get help. He didn't want to hurt her again so he got help" she clarified. "So, what are you gonna do?"

"I… I, um" Joey stuttered, not sure how to answer her question. Teddy and Owen had both offered her support but she hadn't considered talking to a therapist.

"He saw Dr. Wyatt" she continued without prompting. "I saw Dr. Wyatt too" she admitted. "She works upstairs on the fifth floor. She's great".

"Why did you see her?"

"I wanted to be… whole enough?" she said questioning her own wording. "Yeah, whole enough" she said deciding that was correct, "to be able to have a real relationship with my husband. He wasn't my husband then but I had aspirations". Joey chuckled. "Anyway, I went to her and she fixed me".

"Just like that, huh?"

"Welll…. there was some resistance on my part" she admitted with a laugh. "But by the end, once I stopped resisting… yeah" she nodded. "She fixed me".

"Sounds nice" Joey said softly. "Like a fairy tale" she said with a hint of sarcasm. "That's not usually how my life goes".

"Are you being dark and twisty?" she asked amused.

"I… what?" Joey asked confused.

"Dark and twisty" she repeated. There was something in Joey that Meredith recognized very well.

"I don… I don't know… what that means". Meredith laughed.

"You are" she said still laughing. "You're dark and twisty just like us".

"Us?"

"Me, Cristina, Owen" she listed. "We all get dark and twisty. You're in the dark place".

"O…kay" Joey said still confused about what she was talking about.

"I can't wait to tell Cristina about you".

"I'm happy I could give you something to look forward to" she said sarcastically. Meredith laughed again.

"You should go see Dr. Wyatt" she suggested. "Ask Owen about her" she said getting up from the couch. "She's great". She left Joey to finish her lunch alone. More than whether or not she'd go see the therapist she'd recommended, she wondered what the hell dark and twisty meant. She finished her lunch then went back to work. She scrubbed in on a surgery with Teddy for the first time. They worked simultaneously, Teddy focusing on the heart with Helm assisting her while she and Schmidt focused on the abdomen. It was surprising to her, though, the amount of personal conversation that went on in their OR. She wondered if it was how all of their surgeries went and if she could make a rule for her own surgeries that there would be no personal conversations. She just listened until her work was done then scrubbed out, letting Schmidt close without her.

"You're letting me close by myself?" he asked surprised.

"Yes" she said as she backed away from the table. She was surprised that as a fourth year he was so excited about it. "Can I trust you to do that?"

"Yes" he answered quickly. "Absolutely Dr. Rajah. Thank you". She left the OR then went to find Hunt. She was taking Meredith's advice to ask him about Dr. Wyatt but she also wanted to ask him about this "dark and twisty" business. It was really bugging her that she didn't know what it meant. She found him in the imaging room and asked if she could join him.

"Of course" he said tapping the chair next to him. She shut the door behind her before going over and taking the seat. She took a look at the scans he had up on the screen.

"Grade two?" she asked seeing a lacerated liver on the scan.

"That's what I'm thinking" he said examining the scan of his patient's abdominal scan. "So" he said as he examined the scans further for any other injuries, "what's up?"

"I, um, I had a conversation with Meredith and I wanted to ask you something".

"Ok" he said turning to her.

"What does dark and twisty mean?" Owen laughed. He thought she had something serious to ask him about.

"It's um, it's a state of mind. Meredith and Cristina, uh…" he paused. "Cristina is…" he started to explain who he was talking about.

"Meredith's best friend" she interrupted. "She told me".

"Right, ok. Well, it's something they came up with to describe this state they sometimes get into when things are… bleak" he explained. "They've both been through a lot of bad experiences and it's left them with a view of life that is, sometimes, very dark and pessimistic. They don't get their hopes up because it's a trap. They accept good things when they come but always with a sense that something dreadful is right around the corner. Or they just expect the good thing will never happen in the first place because their lives haven't been filled with very many good things. They have a very morbid sense of humor and when things get tough they're usually the ones who find a way to think of how it could be worse because, for them, things have certainly been worse. But somehow, they manage to hold on to the hope that things can work out and the humanity that allows them to be compassionate and help people. I started calling them the "twisted sisters" and it kind of stuck" he chuckled.

"Meredith says I'm dark and twisty and, apparently, I'm in my dark place right now". He laughed again.

"Well, if something's happened and you're feeling like it's the typical story of your life; the way things go for you and you're feeling like they won't get better or only imagining how things could get worse then you might be in the dark place" he said explaining Meredith's conclusion. "It doesn't have to be permanent" he said seeing the defeated look on her face. "You'll still be a dark and twisty person. That part doesn't really go away. And you may stop in the dark place on more than one occasion but it doesn't have to be a permanent stay. You can come out of the dark place. They have and so have I…. more than once" he added.

"Did Dr. Wyatt help you with that?" she asked curiously. He furrowed his brow. "Meredith mentioned that you both saw her. She said I should ask you about her".

"Dr. Wyatt was great" he said repeating Meredith's opinion of her. "She helped me a lot. If you're considering therapy, she's an excellent choice".

"I don't know" she shrugged. "I'm not sure therapy's for me".

"I used to think the same thing" he admitted. "But when the choice is between therapy and continuing to hurt the people you love, it's pretty easy to decide".

"So she's good, this Dr. Wyatt?" she asked straightforward.

"She is" he answered curtly.

"And you trust her?"

"I have before and I would again".

"Ok" she said with a sigh. "Thank you" she said getting up from her chair. She went to leave but stopped and turned back to him. "Can I ask you something else?" He nodded. "Did you have… nightmares?" she asked hesitantly. He sighed heavily.

"Yes, I've had the nightmares and the cold sweats and the flashbacks" he said listing his struggles.

"How long until that went away?"

"I'm not sure it ever does" he said sadly. "It gets better. They become less frequent but…. I don't think they ever completely go away". Joey nodded in understanding.

"Ok" she said mirroring his sadness. She turned to continue on her way when Owen spoke again.

"I meant what I said before" he said before she was out the door. "Anytime you wanna grab a bite to eat, a beer…. go bowling" he said tossing his hands up.

"Bowling?" Joey asked with a raised brow.

"Hey, whatever works. Anytime" he said again.

"Thanks" she said appreciatively. She left the media room and started her way back to the ER. She was waiting for the elevator when Arizona came and stood next to her.

"Hi" she said smiling. Joey cleared her throat.

"Hi" she said back before stepping forward and impatiently pushing the down button.

"About last night…" she said starting to tell Joey that she was okay with what happened.

"Look, Arizona, I'm sorry" she said abruptly cutting her off.

"No, it's…."

"I thought I could do this but I can't" she shrugged. The elevator doors opened and she waited while people exited. "I can't be friends with you" she said before getting on the elevator. She turned to face her and pushed the button for her floor. "I'm sorry" she said as the elevator doors closed. Arizona stood there dumbfounded by Joey's latest announcement. Maggie came up to the elevator and stood next to her, noticing that neither button was lit. She stared at Arizona for a moment.

"What are you doing?" she finally asked.

"Nothing".

"Why are you standing here staring at the elevator doors?"

"I was…. nothing" she said again before turning and walking away.

"Weird" Maggie said under her breath as she watched Arizona walk down the hall. She pushed the down button and waited for the elevator. Arizona made it to the attending's lounge and saw Alex over at the coffee pot. She rushed over to him.

"Did you say something to Joey?" she asked accusingly.

"Good afternoon to you too" he said before tossing his coffee stirrer in the trash. He took a sip of his coffee as he walked over to the table to sit down and update his charts.

"Good afternoon, Alex. How's your day been?" she asked sarcastically.

"Great. Thanks for asking" he said returning her sarcasm.

"Did you happen to talk to Joey about anything I told you?" she asked, her voice still laced with sarcasm.

"No" he said simply. Arizona sighed. "Why? What's wrong?"

"She's backing off again" she said with disappointment.

"So last night didn't go too good, huh?"

"It went great which is why I'm so confused".

"Well, what happened?" She gave him the rundown of their "not a date" dinner date.

"Then today, just now, she says she can't be friends with me".

"Did you ask her why?"

"No" she said with a sigh. "She was on the elevator. I was just so… completely caught off guard. I didn't know what to say".

"Stop freaking out and just talk to her" he suggested.

"But you didn't say anything to her?" she asked again.

"No, I didn't say anyth…" he paused for a second, "anything to her" he finished.

"What? What was that?" she asked noticing the wheels in his mind spinning.

"What?" he asked innocently. "Nothing".

"You paused. Why'd you pause?"

"It's nothing. I just…. I might've told Mer" he admitted.

"Alex!" she said in a chastising tone.

"What? It's Mer" he shrugged. She groaned as she got up from the table and stormed out of the lounge. She went back to work but made mental note to talk to Meredith. She wanted to know exactly what happened before she tried to talk to Joey. She went through the rest of her shift without seeing either of them. When it was time for her to get ready to leave for the day, Joey wasn't in the attending's lounge. Meredith walked in as she was leaving.

"There you are" she said grabbing her arm and pulling her back out the door and off to the side.

"Wha…" Meredith said as she stumbled behind her, moving with the force of Arizona's pull. "What are you doing?"

"Did you talk to Joey?"

"I…" she paused, "Why?" she asked curiously.

"Meredith" Arizona said with a pout.

"I might have" she conceded. "Why? What did she say?"

"She said she can't be friends with me anymore".

"Well, I didn't say anything like that" she said quickly.

"What did you say to her?" Meredith explained the conversation she had with Joey during lunch. She emphasized that she never suggested that she and Arizona shouldn't be friends. She just didn't want to see her hurt again or any worse. She told her to give her some time to work on herself and her issues. They would be better off if she got help now instead of waiting until things got worse. She reminded her that it worked for Owen and Cristina.

"Owen and Cristina got a divorce".

"So did you and Callie but you still tried therapy first" she quipped. Arizona rolled her eyes. "Look, Owen and Cristina got a divorce but it wasn't because of his…war wounds" she pointed out. "You have a better chance of things working out between the two of you if she deals with her issues first".

"So you think I should leave her alone?"

"I do" she said simply. She turned and went back into the lounge. After a minute of contemplation, Arizona headed for the elevator. Meanwhile, Joey was upstairs on the fifth floor waiting outside Dr. Wyatt's office, working up the nerve up to knock on her door. She wondered if she was even still inside or if she'd gone home for the day. After a few more minutes, she approached the door and raised her hand to knock. Before her knuckles connected with the wooden door, she pulled her hand back and let it fall to her side. She hesitantly walked away from the door, deciding to just head home. She made herself dinner and sat at the kitchen table by herself to eat. She cleaned up after herself then moved to her living room couch with a beer. She debated for a while before finally picking up her phone and calling her mother.

"Hi mama" she said when she picked up the phone. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just going over some patient files. What's wrong?"

"Wh- nothing?" she said quickly. "Why do you think anything's wrong?"

"You're my daughter" she stated plainly. "I know when something is wrong. So what's wrong?"

"Do you think I need therapy?"

"Of course you do" she answered quickly.

"Mom" she whined offended.

"What Johanna?"

"You're supposed to say "no, honey. You're fine" she said giving her preferred answer.

"Why would I lie to you?" her mother asked confused.

"Because it's politer".

"Well, you know me. I think everyone needs therapy".

"I'm not everyone" Joey argued. "I'm your daughter".

"And you're a soldier. You've been to war. You've seen things no one should have to see. If you didn't need therapy, I'd worry you were a psychopath". Joey laughed.

"Thanks mom".

"Why are you asking about therapy? Did something happen?"

"No… I just…"

"Don't lie to me Johanna" she said in her mom voice.

"I hurt someone" she said sadly. "It was an accident and it wasn't too bad but I… hurt someone".

"Well then, you know what you need to do".

"You're a therapist. Why can't I just talk to you?"

"You need someone objective" she said quickly dismissing the idea. "You're my baby. I'm not objective".

"I love you" she said softly.

"I love you too my baby" she said sweetly before sending kisses through the phone. They said their goodbyes then got off the phone. Joey finished her beer then went upstairs to shower and go to bed. Just as she closed her eyes to go to sleep, her phone started to vibrate on the bedside table. She picked it up and looked at the caller id. Arizona. She set the phone back down and let it go to voicemail. She let out a huff of air, burrowed into her mattress and let herself relax into a comfortable sleep.