12 Letting Go

Eight years later…

"Lou sent over another one of your boxes, my darling." Obi Wan said as he set the box down in the middle of his small living room. Lydia brushed a long blonde lock out of her face as she turned around. She set the small cloth down as she rushed over to inspect the contents of the box.

"He sent my books!" She exclaimed as she lovingly picked up the books out of the box and ran her hands over the spines. Lydia smiled as she set the books gingerly back into the box. A couple of years into their relationship, she had begun spending more and more time with Ben at his small homestead that she decided, after much discussion with Ben, to give the homestead her parent's had left her to Lou and his new mate as a wedding present. Lou and his wife now ran the shop as well, leaving her plenty of free time to help Ben watch over Luke. She couldn't believe it had already been eight years since she and Ben deepened their relationship.

Over the years, the whispers had died down as the townsfolk grew accustomed to seeing them together. However, that did not stop some of them from pulling her aside, asking her to reconsider her relationship with Ben, who they viewed as an odd wizard. Tales of his saving her and others from attacks from the Sand People, like herself, jawa caravans, and even the Lars, had been spun until they hardly bore any similarities to the original tales. The tales she had heard Luke telling about Ben saving him from a krayt dragon, while true enough, most of Luke's friends found the tale to be of mythic proportions.

Thinking of Luke brought a small smile, which turned the corners of her mouth upward. Luke, who called her Aunt Lyd, was growing up to be a very special boy. He was already fast becoming an excellent pilot, much to Owen's dismay. Her smile faltered as she thought of Owen's stubborn insistence that Luke would be a farmer when he was older, not that Ben didn't try. Her brows creased together as she remembered the black eye Ben had returned with when he attempted, one last time. The argument had left Ben feeling bereft as Owen forbade Ben from having any contact with the youngster. Not that it stopped him from his nightly vigils or watching the child from afar. Lydia visited Beru often, and would return with news when she could. She closed the box as she looked up to find him smiling down at her.

"You cannot change who Owen is, my darling," Obi Wan said softly as he pulled her into his arms. "I don't have to be a mind reader to know where your thoughts lie."

Lydia looked up into his warm gray-blue eyes, which were smiling down at her. Enjoying the warmth of his embrace, she sighed heavily when she felt her comlink buzz. "I forgot I was supposed to meet Beru for tea this afternoon, my love." She pulled away slightly as she plucked the comlink off her belt and answered. "Yes? Beru! I'm on my way now."

Obi Wan pulled her back to him as she clipped the comlink back onto her belt. He tipped her head back slightly as he kissed her gently. "Don't forget to take the T-16 skyhopper parts for Luke, my darling. Leave them where he'll be sure to find them."

#

Obi Wan waited until he heard Lydia's speeder trail off before he settled himself down in a seated position in his meditation portion of the living area. He inhaled deeply bringing a calming breath deep inside him, as he exhaled, his eyes fluttered closed as he entered his meditative trance.

The calla lilies and yellow flowers swayed in the breeze. Qui Gon stared off into the distance as Obi Wan walked up behind him, letting his fingers brush over the flower tops, sending a host of blue butterflies soaring into the azure blue sky.

"Master," Obi Wan said as he waited for Qui Gon to acknowledge his presence.

Qui Gon turned slightly and nodded to Obi Wan. "Are you certain you want to do this, my padawan?"

Obi Wan closed his eyes as he breathed in the sweet air. "There's good in him still, master. I owe it to Anakin to try again."

Qui Gon sighed as he turned to face his long time apprentice and friend. "What of the boy?"

"I have not sensed any disturbances surrounding the boy. Lydia tells me that Beru says his powers have faded, and he hasn't used them since he was a small boy."

"Hm…" Qui Gon murmured. "Faded, but not gone, I think. Receded into the background, they have as Yoda would say."

"I believe the boy will be safe here."

"And, what if you don't return, Obi Wan?" Qui Gon asked softly.

"That is a risk I'm willing to take." Obi Wan responded as he folded his arms over his chest. "You have sensed it too. Do you think I am wrong to try to reach out to him? To try to bring him back to the light?"

"Obi Wan, of course, I do not think you are wrong to want to try but I do not think he is ready. I have tried over the years to reach out to him through dreams, but always he pushes me away. I fear he will do much worse to you." Qui Gon gave Obi Wan a sad look. "Besides, what of Lydia?"

"I haven't told her yet," Obi Wan said softly as he thought Lydia. She had been patient with him over the years, helping him heal his wounded and broken heart. She understood the danger and never pushed for more information than what he felt he could tell her safely. She had even alerted him to danger when she heard rumors in town of Jedi hunters at Mos Espa. She would be heartbroken if he didn't return. "She knows of the dangers. I think she would understand."

Qui Gon let his gaze fall to the yellow flowers blooming amongst the calla lilies. "Brave words, my padawan, but do you believe her?"

Obi Wan followed Qui Gon's gaze to the yellow flowers. "No, not fully. I will speak to her."

#

When Lydia returned from Beru's she found Ben out behind the small hut practicing his saber forms. He had removed his outer robe and obi, wearing only his cream colored under tunic and light brown pants, which were tucked into his knee high dark brown boots. Sweat glistened on his tanned forearms and brow. She leaned against the corralled area that he had turned into his practicing lists. 'Hmm, I think I could watch him all day,' she thought as Ben stepped lightly back swinging the lightsaber in a brilliant blue arc.

She smiled suggestively at him when he paused, having noticed her watching. "Don't stop on account of me, Ben." She said teasingly. She held the water pitcher out to him as he clipped the saber hilt onto his belt.

He nodded his thanks as he took the proffered drink. His mind had been in turmoil after his meditation and talk with Qui Gon regarding Vader. Now, thanks to his daily practice session, his head felt clearer. Yet, when he looked down into Lydia's bright blue eyes, he felt a ping of sadness. He had been putting this conversation off for a long time, having put off going after Vader for far too long. The conversation was long overdue, he thought with a frown. He worried that she wouldn't be as understanding as he hoped she would be.

"What is it, my love?" Lydia asked as she took the water pitcher out of his hands. She could tell he had something troubling on his mind. She knew he carried a heavy burden, besides watching over Luke, and it involved the one known as Vader.

Obi Wan sighed deeply. "Let me shower first, then… we'll talk."

#

Lydia set the steaming bowls of stew onto the small table, with the loaf of bread between them. She heard the refresher door open quietly and looked up to see him walk out in a fresh tunic and dark brown pants. His tall boots stood in the corner as he walked into the living area in his slippered feet.

The delicious aroma of the stew hit his nostrils and brought a memory of their first dinner back to mind. Obi Wan couldn't help the small smile that accompanied the memory. She had been so nervous, with her cheeks glowing. He noticed that she was nervous tonight too, but for a completely different reason. He sat down opposite of her at the small table as he reached across taking her hand in his larger one. "Lydia."

"You're leaving, aren't you?" She couldn't look up from the steaming bowl in front of her. She had been in love with this man since she met him, almost ten years ago. They had spent eight of them together. She counted those eight years among the happiest of her years. "Going after Vader."

Obi Wan tightened his grip on her small hand. He pursed his lips together. "How did you know?"

"The Force told me." She said quietly.

Obi Wan gave her a look of surprise. "The Force told you?"

She risked looking up into his gray blue eyes. "In a way, yes. Besides, you talk in your sleep, Ben."

He scoffed. "I do not…" His voice trailed off as he remembered times in the past when Anakin had used to tease him about talking in his sleep. He closed his eyes sadly as he sighed. "Lydia, I have been putting this off for far too long. He must be stopped."

Lydia yanked her hand out of his angrily. "Why? Why you? Why must it be you?"

Obi Wan drummed his fingers on the table lightly. She was right to be angry, he thought, but if she knew all the truth, then maybe, just maybe, she would understand why he felt this was something he must do. "Because of who Vader really is, my darling."

Her dark eyelashes glistened from the unshed tears as her voice broke. "And, who is that?"

Obi Wan's mouth was set in a fine line. 'I've put this off long enough,' he thought. "Vader is my former apprentice."

Lydia blinked in confusion. "Your former apprentice? I thought Anakin was your former apprentice?"

Obi Wan held her gaze steadfast. He watched as understanding dawned upon her. "Yes, Lydia. Do you understand why I must go? Not just for Anakin's sake, but also for Luke's. There is good in him. I know, I have felt it!"

Lydia held her head in her hands as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly. Anakin… Luke… Of course, now it all makes sense. Why he's been so worried about Luke, watching over the child like a hawk. Not just because of the Jedi hunters, but because of the child's father. She wiped away the tear that escaped down her cheek. "I understand."

"Lydia…"

She shook her head. "No, I understand." She thought back to all those stories she had read about as a child, about the Jedi. Now, those stories all made perfect sense. "You swore an oath to the Code. He's like a... no, he is your brother. I love you, Ben. I love you enough to let you go, if that's what I must do." Her voice broke as she pressed her hand to her chest and looked at him with crestfallen eyes. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she buried her face in her hands over her bowl of cooling stew.

Obi Wan stood quickly, and pulled her to her feet, then crushed her to him. "I love you too, Lydia. I do not deserve you, my darling." He whispered hotly in her ear.

Their lovemaking that night was slow and tender. They touched the long lines of each other's bodies, as if trying to memorize them. Obi Wan cherished each moan that escaped her lips. Afterward, Obi Wan held her tenderly against him. He brushed his thumb across her lips as he murmured his love for her.

She trailed her fingertips across his chest as she looked up to him, resting her head on his chest. She drifted off to sleep listening to the sound of his heart beating under her ear.

#

The next morning dawned bright and early. Lydia awoke to find him already out of bed and getting dressed. She rose silently and began helping him pack for his journey.

"Do you know where you'll go?" She asked as she finished putting ration bars and water pouches in the pack.

"I have some idea, but it would be safer for you to not know, my darling." Obi Wan said as he finished fastening the obi around his trim waist.

She nodded as she fastened the pack closed. "I understand."

Obi Wan took the pack from her trembling fingers and set it on the floor. "Lydia, this will probably just be some wild bantha chase and I could be home in a few weeks."

She took a calming breath as she brushed away a tear, then set her hands on his chest, smoothing the folds of his robe. "We both know that's not true, Ben."

He sighed as he pulled her in his arms. "I love you, my Lydia."

She wrapped her arms around his waist as she looked up to him. "And, I love you." She sighed as she pulled away. "I'll look after Luke while you're away."

Obi Wan smiled as he brushed away her tears. "You've become a fine fighter over these years, since I began teaching you how to fight and defend yourself. I will rest easy knowing he's under your capable vigilance." He swallowed the lump that had formed suddenly. "Should I not return, make sure he gets the box when he's old enough. It has the training journals in it that I wrote for him, plus his father's lightsaber."

Lydia nodded. "I will, my love."

Obi Wan pulled away and picked up the pack, settling it on his broad shoulders. He caressed her cheek tenderly as he brushed his lips against hers. She surprised him by deepening the kiss, as if it could be their last. He could taste her salty tears as they ran down her cheeks.

She rested her forehead against his as their lips parted. "Don't look back." She whispered. "May the Force be with you, my love."