Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha nor the characters from the show.

Crusade Against the Moon

Chapter Thirteen : Candid Emotions

WARNING: DEPICTIONS OF SELF HARM. If you or a loved one are suspected of self harm and dealing with painful emotions, please text HOME to 741741 to connect with a real human for help.

Last Chapter: Kagome nodded, letting him pull her from the water with her hand tucked warmly in his. She tried not to let her thoughts linger and bring her down. She knew there was no way she'd forget what she'd gone through, but Inuyasha was right. She'd done it to save people, and she latched onto that thought desperately as their weary bodies entered the woods.

The trek back to Kaede's village was thankfully, uneventful. Although, Kagome had been uncharacteristically quiet the whole way. From her side, Inuyasha gazed at her in concern. He had offered to carry her numerous times to ease her frail exhausted body, but the young woman stubbornly refused his efforts due to concern of his healing sword wound on his arm.

Turning his pensive gaze back ahead of them, he sighed. Dejectedly thinking about the few weeks she had finally returned. It was all a flurry of emotion for him. The elated pleasure at finally smelling her aroma, at feeling her hand when he reached into the well, at finally seeing her instead of in his dreams. The moment had been almost too much to bear, his heart filling in a way he thought impossible. The ache he carried for years without her dissipated the moment their eyes met.

A beat passed before he finally spoke, shrugging off his now pristine haori and draping it over her stiff shoulders. "You know," he started carefully, "after you left, I stayed in my forest for a while."

Kagome turned surprised eyes at him, her hands grabbing tight at his offering and holding it close against her chest. The warmth of his body lingered on the fire rat and brought her a great comfort she desperately needed. His focus remained ahead as they walked, lips pursed in contemplation.

"Miroku, Sango… hell, even Shippo came looking for me, but… I didn't wanna see any of 'em."

Was this… was he finally, finally opening up? Eyes still wide with bewilderment, Kagome forced herself to stay silent. She had been yearning for this conversation since the moment she returned. There was no way she would say a thing; risking him clamoring up and losing his testimony to the wind. So she listened with rapt attention, walking tired and carefully beside him.

"At first, I let 'em find me… usually in Goshinboku, or the well." His voice was serious, gruff… quiet. "I never strayed far from the well, Kagome. I was convinced it'd open up, ya know?" He spared her a glance, their eyes meeting seriously. "Any day, it could have opened any day, and there was no way in hell I'd miss the chance to bring you back."

Kagome swallowed the sudden knot in her throat and reached out to grab his hand. She was surprised at how quickly and fiercely he reciprocated the action. His emotions rushing up their entwined forearms and bracing her heart terribly.

Inuyasha wretched his golden gaze from her, a frayed ache bursting in his chest at the memory. "But it didn't," his voice shook against his will, he swallowed thickly, "for months, it never fuckin' did." For years.

He was suddenly quiet again, and Kagome's heart crumbled as she relived all the emotions of the first couple months they had been separated. She had fallen into a depression so severe, she honestly thought she'd never recover. Had he felt something similar?

She remembered trying the well for months, and after so many failed attempts, she holed up in her room. Having cried her eyes dry, she exhausted her body from emotion, withering away in her bed with the curtains drawn shut. She had lost so much weight back then. Mom, Sota, and even gramps had tried everything to get her out, but to no avail.

In the end, they forced her to see a therapist, which was horrible in itself because she could never tell them the truth. So, she told them about the love she lost, keeping the grief of losing her friends to herself. They would never understand, never. The professional taught her ways to cope, gave her medicine, and so achingly slow, she climbed out of the hole she had buried herself into. The pain never left, but somehow, she finally managed to live with it. That's when she decided to bury her nose in her books, chasing the agony away with deadly focus on her studies.

"I was pissed off." His voice startled her back from her reflection. "Day after day, they kept coming, trying ta make me go back to the village. But, they didn't get it." His face grew stony and grim. "They didn't understand. I had to," he swallowed, voice growing soft, "I had to stay."

A sudden rush of tears blinded Kagome, and her steps faltered as she raised trembling hands to wipe them away.

"Kagome?" Inuyasha turned to her in concern and froze. Her pained flushed face and despairing teary eyes stunned him. "Are you? I didn't-"

"It's okay," she reassured, smiling softly. "I - I understand."

"No, you don't!" He turned away from her in a flurry of anger. "I fucked up!"

"Wha-?"

"I fucked up Kagome!"

"I don't, what are you-?" Her voice trailed off in confusion. He wouldn't meet her eyes, his gaze stared down to the path leading to Kaede's in fury. His fists wound up tight beside him.

"I… I couldn't take it." He spoke so softly, Kagome could barely hear him. "The pain, it was too much."

He couldn't look at her, the pain, the grief, the shame consuming him. Why was he telling her this? He wanted to distract her, lift her spirits by giving her the information she had so desperately yearned for. He hadn't meant to tell her this much. But there he was, bearing his soul out, everything rushing from him of it's own will. Healing him and destroying him all at once.

"After a while," he continued quietly, "I wouldn't let them find me. For months, I retreated to the trees."

Speechless, Kagome watched as he grabbed the edges of his white sleeves, hesitating, fingers trembling. "At some point, there was a fight. I used blades of blood."

Silent horror dawned on Kagome as he lifted his sleeves, her tears fell freely now.

"It felt good. It," they were barely visible. She would have never seen them if he hadn't ever told her. "It's the only thing that made the pain go away." Scars branched up his arms like white lightning. So many, she couldn't even count.

She didn't realize she had wailed his name as she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around him as she felt herself shatter for him. He held her just as tightly, his body shaking with pent up emotion, bereavement. Emotions so strong between them there were just no words to say to comfort. So they held each other desperately, breathing each other in. She cried openly, fervently, while he did so silently, his tears disappearing into her hair.

"It's okay now," he promised, yearning to soothe her. "I haven't, it's been a while." He wouldn't tell her, he decided. He wouldn't tell her how bad it had gotten. How on a moonless night, his friends had found him against the well, dazed and half gone. His claws had been reduced to smooth ends, so he had found another way to ease his pain. So focused he'd been he didn't realize he'd cut too deep, nicked at something he shouldn't have. Till this day, he didn't know how he had made it. How his frenzied friends had rushed him on Kilala's back and to Kaede's hut. He had scared himself half to death, and vowed to never score his flesh again.

He stopped because, the thought of dying, of never seeing her again petrified him. What if the well opened, what if it opened and he wasn't there? He would never forgive himself.

Without warning, Kagome pulled away from him, grabbed his face tenderly and drew his gaze down to her own puffy ones. "I love you, Inuyasha." She said seriously, desperately, his silver forelocks tumbled through her fingers. His honey eyes dilated in surprise. "I love you," she repeated, she would say it again and again, if only to heal him and them both. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pushed herself to the tips of her feet and kissed him urgently, and he leaned down and pressed against her just as direly, accepting everything and anything she had to give.

Soft and curing became pressing and intense. Mouths open, searching, filling. Hands dragging, pulling, feeling. His lips kissed her tears, then dragged to her ear as he kissed tenderly at her lobe. "Me too, Kagome." His hands roamed hotly down her figure and around her waist, holding her tightly against him. "I do too," he whispered as he kissed her neck, sucking at the skin and drawing fire up her veins. Kagome tossed her head back with a soft gasp and felt like she could cry all over again. Their hearts swelling with so much emotion it could drown them.

Her hands slipped under his clothes to feel his bandaged chest, feeling his heated skin, the way it rose from his desperate breaths. The front of his shirt fell open as she trailed arms around him, feeling the broad expanse of his muscled back. The tips of her fingers soft and firm, lovingly restored him. He pulled from her bruised neck and kissed her petal satin lips in earnest, both of them moaning into each other, wanting and needing more.

Suddenly self conscious, Kagome pulled back and leaned her forehead against his, both of them short of breath and blushing madly. "I - I need to clean up," she admitted, arms still around each other. That half assed stunt in the river was hardly a proper wash. Inuyasha nodded against her, their eyes drinking each other's impassioned state.

"Okay," he conceded, rubbing his nose smoothly down her own. He pressed his lips against hers one last time, lingering and wanting before finally pulling away. "We're basically there," he said as he fixed his shirt, Kagome doing the same with his haori that had almost fallen from her shoulders. "Is it, do you mind if we stay at my place?"

Kagome stopped her fretting and looked up at him in surprise. "You have a place?"

He shrugged noncommittally, his face coloring as he shrugged. "It ain't that big a deal. It's basically the same as Kaede's."

Kagome stared at him with admiration, proud that he had an actual place to call home, before bunching her brows and pursing her lips in suspicion. She crossed her arms and turned slightly away from him. "You're not thinking anything fishy, are you?"

Inuyasha took a step back in alarm, "wha-?" He raised his hands defensively, "no!" He cleared his throat before flicking his finger to her forehead. "No, ya idiot. I just want to relax after we wash up," he said seriously. "We've been traveling for most of the day. Don't you want to relax?"

"Yeaah," she said, rubbing her forehead and swatting his hand away, "but can't I do that at Kaede's?"

He crossed his arms in a huff. "Yeah, if you wanna stay up and tell her why you're all bloodied up for the rest of the day."

Kagome relaxed her posture and sighed. "Good point." He seemed to light up instantly, grabbing her hand and pulling her to the edge of his forest, she hadn't even realized they were already there as they passed Goshinboku and the well. Kagome let herself be led and followed his excited footsteps. After a short trek, he veered off the cleared path in the woods and stepped towards a memorized direction. It ensured privacy and freedom from interruptions. The trees thinned out and a hut arose from the bend.

Her heart pattered with anticipation. Inuyasha had his own home! She was so happy for him she could burst! And no it was not like Kaede's, the little fibber. It looked a whole room bigger! The wooden structure was in the middle of an acre cleared plot. The front door was a sliding shoji screen with delicate rice paper between the slats. There was a window at the front and one on the side.

"Inuyasha," she said with wonder as he slid the screen open for her, "this is waaay nicer than Kaede's"

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, "whatever." But she didn't miss the way his cheeks lit up at her comment. She smiled mirthfully at him. "Stay here," he said as she took her shoes off at the entryway and stepped up to the main wooden floor. He shuffled around to a trunk near a far wall and pulled out a cushion. He flicked it in the air once, twice and put it near the hearth. "I'll get your stuff, okay? I'll be right back."

Kagome reached for his hand and smiled tenderly at him, "thank you." His face erupted cherry red and Kagome stifled a laugh as she pecked his lips sweetly. "I'll make myself comfortable."

Stupefied, Inuyasha blinked a few times, then muttered "yeah" under his breath and took off.

She couldn't help but laugh when he was finally gone. How was it that he was still so bashful even though they had practically all over each other not even a half hour ago? Shaking her head, she stretched her tired limbs and took in his home instead of sitting on the cushion he generously offered her. There wasn't much, but that didn't surprise her since Inuyasha was a man with little belongings. The hearth was not really in the middle of the hut, leaving extra floor space for a long counter in front of the side window. There was a jug full of water with a bowl next to it, probably for washing hands. There were also a couple of bowls, utensils, and a handful of containers she assumed housed some food. There were two more shoji screens, one on the far wall and one on the adjacent near the hearth. She stepped to the one near the back of the house and slid it softly open. Eyes going wide, she blushed as she realized this was his bedroom, a futon lay comfortably in the middle of the room with a single trunk at the back.

Her fingers hovered unexpectedly at her lips. It smelled slightly of him; of the woods, pine, and his uniquely deep male musk. She could faintly scent it, but it was there. The apples of her cheeks heated unbearably, and as if being caught, she squeaked and slid the door shut. Kagome rushed to the adjacent screens to dash away her suddenly obscene thoughts. Of their bodies lying on that futon, exploring each other like they had only moments ago.

Distraction, she needed a distraction! Sliding the last screens open, her eyes blew open again with amazement. She stepped into the room and drug her fingers over the rim of a large wooden tub. It was already filled with water, and there were two small windows far up on two walls, ensuring privacy to the fullest.

Struck mute with admiration, she walked around the tub slowly, realizing just how much thought and effort he had put into his home. This was truly a one up to anyone living in the village. Everyone bathed in the rivers except for the few inn patrons. This was a small luxury in feudal Japan. He had his own room, whereas everyone else usually slept around the hearth in their one room homes. Even his main room had what almost looked like a kitchen counter.

Kagome left the room and closed the shoji softly. She walked to the kitchen counter and poured herself water from the jug into a wooden cup. It was so refreshing. A great pleasure after the long walk back. She poured herself another and turned to lean on the counter, eyes closing as she sipped and wondered. How often did Inuyasha sleep here? Did he prefer his futon or the trees? Such a big space must have felt lonely. Did Shippo ever stay with him, or did he stay with Kaede? So many questions.

The sound of the front door sliding open caught her attention, and she watched as Inuyasha stepped in and faltered at the sight of her. Something deep and unreadable swept through his eyes, a myriad of emotions she was unsuccessful at naming. He slid the screen shut without turning, his eyes never leaving hers as he stepped before her, bracing his hands beside her on the counter, absolutely engulfing her in his presence, then leaned in and kissed her.

The cup almost slipped from her hand, back pressing on the counter as his hair fell like a curtain around them. She grabbed at his shirt desperately to stay upright, her eyes falling closed immediately, the feel of every part of his body thrust against her sent a shock of pleasure straight through her. His attention stole her breath away. Raising her fingers to his jaw, she felt as he loved her. She withdrew only to have him claim her again. Lips molding and dancing with ardor. Slowly, he pulled away and took a moment to look down at her, taking her in, all her features, her tinged cheeks, her swollen lips, her suddenly shy and bashful cloudy eyes.

Kagome touched her lips softly. "What was that about?"

He smirked a fanged grin at her before pulling away. "Keh!" He shoved her clothes into her arms and put the rest of what he brought on the counter next to her, nose going up in the air defensively. "I liked seeing you here is all!"

"Maybe I should visit more often if that's how you respond," she muttered to herself, face flaming when she realized he had heard her.

"Maybe you should stay here, period!" He retorted stubbornly.

"What?"

"Wha - what?" He stuttered, backing away with mortification at the slip of his tongue. "Just, wait here while I get the damn bath started," he blurted before running back outside.

Jaw slack, Kagome remained still as her brain started working up again. She heard Inuyasha fumbling outside with wood, messing with it until a fire burst under the tub in the other room.

Had he, had he invited her to stay? To … live with him? She pressed her hands to her cheeks in a desperate attempt to cool them down, pacing around the room as she thought. They definitely were a thing, an item. They belonged to each other. But this, this was totally different, this was taking things to the next level, like… like husband and wife. Kagome's heart skipped at the thought. Is that what he wanted? Is that what he was asking her? Was she reading too much into things? She had barely been here a month! Wasn't that moving too fast? Could she really do it?

In her time, people did it all the time, they moved in together and didn't get married right away. Maybe it was something like that, just a natural progression of things, of relationships. But this wasn't the modern era, and she doubted that was what he was thinking, right?

Little did she know Inuyasha was outside pacing as well, completely humiliated. He had successfully stuck his foot in his own mouth. How completely and utterly stupid! His bare feet crushed the grass beneath him as he glanced at the fire pit blazing beneath the stone floor of the tub. She'd run off for sure now, he was certain.

Old insecurities and prejudices came rushing back to him at once. Why the hell would she want to live with him? Would the village scorn her? He didn't give a shit what they thought, but he couldn't bare it if they treated her differently. He should have never opened his damn mouth. He should have waited until she said something, waited until it was something she wanted.

Scowling, he scrunched down and tossed more logs into the fire. Of course he wanted her to stay, it'd be better than his wildest dreams. He blushed, well… not better but, close enough. Aggravated, he stuffe more logs into the fire, satisfied there'd be enough to warm the water. Standing back up, mind made up, he decided to just face it and apologize.

Kagome turned mid pace when he walked in. He stepped up to the main floor and stood several feet away, eyes avoiding her and gazed down. His hands were fisted and two digits rubbed furiously together. "Sorry," he murmured, "I shouldn't have, I mean, I-"

Her hand on his forearm stopped him mid ramble. He drew his gaze towards hers immediately, a soft nervous smile easing him down. "Would you," she looked away, not being able to stare right at him while asking, afraid it would steal her nerves away. "Would you mind if I thought about it?" She said softly.

"No." He blurted immediately. Of course he didn't mind! A warmth filled his chest as her smile bloomed with joy.

Bashfully, she leaned up and gave him a small kiss.

"I love you, Inuyasha." He instantly leaned down for more, but she drew away with a chuckle. "I'm gonna go clean up now."

He was helpless to stare as she sauntered away. Wondering how in the hell he had gotten her to love him. That was the third time she'd said it today. He reached for his chest and rubbed, the feeling overwhelming as he cleared the lump in his throat and blinked the suddenly stinging haze in his eyes.

After all this time, she was finally with him.

And she loved him.

(A/N)

Alright this is the longest chapter I've written. Been at this computer for three to four hours and banged it out whip, whoop, bam! I was going to end it on a darker note but our bbys deserve a break, don't cha think?

Please review! Thanks for reading, you're all amazing!

(SPOILER)

BTW, this was going to have SessKag endgame but after watching Yasahime's latest episode, I just can't do it. Sorry. I'm still planning some slight SessKag in between, but it will mostly be one sided and have InuKag endgame. I'll write a different fic for SessKag in the future with what I had planned. But, I just can't do it for this fic anymore.