I let out a hefty sigh, placing what felt like the hundredth document in the OUT bin. I've lost count at this point. The IN bin stack was still seemed to tower over me like a storm cloud. Shiver me timbers, we've barely made a dent. Not unusual to have a constant inflow of paperwork, but it felt worse today. Though, that's probably due to us doubling down on our procrastination and getting lunch. Maybe that wasn't the best idea.
Even so, I wouldn't trade that quality time with the commander for anything. It was nice to just talk and enjoy each other's company without the monolithic stack of reports casting its shadow over us.
Well, at least I enjoyed his company. Whether he enjoyed mine... God only knows.
I didn't need Akagi crashing the party, though. Can't walk by the commander silently, can she? Well, when I spearhead the assault on that Siren stronghold, I'll show her the flagship of the Vichya Dominion ain't to be trifled with.
At least we were safe in the office. As much as I hate bureaucracy, it's private time with the commander, which is worth more than the loftiest of plunders. Honestly, if I was working with anyone besides the commander, I'd hate this job.
I looked over at him, studying the Siren stronghold report intently, sketching potential plans of attack in a nearby notebook. Why does he have to be so good-looking? If only I knew how to take advantage of this private time. If only I didn't choke on my words when I wanna speak out. My heart's becoming impatient. The urge to do something grows larger every day.
I have all the confidence in the world when in combat, but around the commander? Bone dry.
I gotta try something though. After all, my days as his secretary are numbered. Who knows if I'll ever be chosen again? But damn it all, I can't think of anything to say!
Oh well. Maybe I can invite him to go surfing sometime. Show him I'm not a complete hardass.
Ugh... I'm so tired. My eyes are starting to glaze over. Why did I have to have a meltdown last night?
"Doing okay, Jean?"
"Hmm?"
Oh crap, I'm zoning out again.
"Um... yeah, I'm fine," I said. "Just tired."
"Do you wanna take a break?" he asked.
I shook my head, stretching my arms out with a loud grunt. Ah... much better...
"We've wasted enough time today. Can't really spare a break," I said. "Although, something other than research reports would be nice."
"Okay," he said. "Let's see... y'know, I think there's some expenditure reports on the shelf."
Hmm... I guess it'll have to do.
"Sure, I can take care of that," I said.
"Good," the commander said. "I need to use the restroom, so I'll be right back."
I nodded and watched as he walked out. When the door closed, I got up and stretched some more. Then I walked over to the window for some scenery. I looked down, and I saw the fountain. I watched as a couple destroyer girls chucked in some coins, looking as hopeful as ever. Their smiles... so innocent and naïve, thinking the fountain was somehow magical. But what do I know? I did the same damn thing last night, thinking it would give me some hope. Instead, I cried. Maybe the fountain does grant wishes, though. After all, if the commander's happy, then my wish came true. Even if... I'm left out...
No! Jean... don't you dare dredge up that meltdown. That's the last thing you need.
I watched the destroyers walk merrily away, and I let out a long sigh. They don't know how much of a blessing naivete is. Without it, you become a cold-hearted, cynical bitch like me.
Jean... don't do this. You don't need to beat yourself up.
Ugh... let's fish those expenditure reports or whatever. Something to distract myself. Where did he say they were? The shelf?
I walked over to the monolith of books and stray papers.
Mmmhmm... the shelf. Thanks, Commander. Really helpful.
I went cubby by cubby, looking for anything that had to do with money. More research reports... commission reports... some skillbooks... some battle plan sketches... but no expenditure reports. Where were they?
I eventually hit the last shelf. Nothing. Did he forget where they were? Unless I missed something. I scanned the shelves again. Nah, I'm sure I checked everything.
Then I looked up. On the very top shelf, there was a lone stack of papers.
"You gotta be kidding me..."
Who the hell would put important documents so out of reach? Sure, the commander's taller than me, but not by much.
I grabbed one of the chairs—one without wheels—and placed it in front of the shelf. I took off my boots too. Don't need the heels complicating things.
Slowly I climbed up. Now I could easily reach the papers. I grabbed the stack, then took the step down—
"WAUGH!"
The step down was further than I thought, and the weight of the stack threw me off balance, causing me to fall with a loud thud. The papers scattered everywhere on the floor and all over me like rain.
"Argh... damn it..." I moaned, batting all the stray papers away. The side of my body rang in pain. Jeez that hurt.
I looked around to survey the damage. Oh God, there's papers everywhere! Full papers and small bits from papers seemingly torn from notebooks. It's gonna take forever to clean and sort this shit.
KERCHUNK
Crap! He's back! Of all times, why now?!
His eyes landed on me, and my face immediately flushed red. So humiliating. Commander, I like you and all, but screw you for having such bad timing. Or good timing. Or... whatever.
"Jean, what happened?" he beckoned. "Are you okay?"
"Ergh... I'm fine," I grunted as I sat myself up. "Commander, was it you who put the expenditure reports all the way on the top shelf?"
"Oh..." he said. "Um... did you have to climb up?"
"Yeah. I think it's obvious what happened," I said. "Wanna answer my question?"
"Oh right," he said. "I... uh... it seemed like a good idea at the time."
I sighed, rolling my eyes.
"Are you injured?" he asked.
"No," I said. "Landed pretty hard, but no searing pain."
"Sorry..." he said.
Hmph... you're really lucky you're cute, Commander.
"Come help me sort these and we're even," I said.
He came over quickly, like a kid who just got yelled at. I mean... that's basically what he is right now.
I began going paper by paper, sorting them how I saw fit. The commander followed suit.
"I-I'm really sorry," he said.
"It's fine. I didn't get seriously hurt or anything," I said. "I guess I coulda just waited another minute too. But just think about where ya throw stuff, alright? That coulda ended a lot worse than it did."
"Understood," he said.
"Good," I said as I reached for another paper...
...and he reached for the same one.
I gasped as our hands touched. I looked up... and he was staring right at me. Those warm eyes... that perfect face... I'm... actually touching his hand. And he's not pulling away. He's just... looking at me.
"I-I'll get that one," I said, snatching the paper. He looked surprised.
Nope... it was me who pulled away... like a dumbass.
"Wait..." he said.
"Hmm?" I asked.
He said nothing as he reached his hand up.
Hold on... is he going for my hair? Oh God, he is. He's gonna touch my hair. A bold move, but not an unwelcome one. Not unwelcome at all. My heart started beating faster. My face was on fire. Time itself felt slower as his hand got closer. I tried my best not to be nonchalant and not smile too big... but it's hard to ignore how giddy I am. I wonder how it feels to have a guy run his fingers through your hair. I guess I'm about to find...
...wait. He's not brushing. He's just moving his thumb and index finger. Is he trying to fish something out?
"You had a bit of paper in your hair," he said, pulling his hand away and showing me a shred of paper the size of a tiny pebble.
"...oh."
Hmph... you're a fool, Jean.
I pursed my lips, turning away as my cheeks turned beet red. At least that's what it felt like with how warm they were. My heart also felt like it was torn.
Damn it. I really thought...
"You okay?" he asked.
"Y-Yeah," I said. "Well... wait. Commander, do ya think you could... um..."
"What?"
I choked. I want him to brush my hair. I really do. Would it be weird if I just... asked him?
"N-Never mind," I said. "Let's just get these sorted."
I turned my attention immediately to the remaining papers on the floor, paying no mind to any weird look the commander might be giving me.
Ugh... just don't, Jean. If he really wanted to brush your hair, that would've been the time to do it. And he didn't.
Still... even feeling his fingers in my hair for a few seconds gave me chills.
Whatever. The sooner we sort through this crap, the sooner work can be done, and the sooner I can go to my hideaway. I've been itching to paint.
After a few more minutes of sorting through papers, we were finally done and could go back to work. I started tallying up the expenditure reports and the commander was back to strategizing. We moved to one of the couches for comfort. A little hard to focus while sitting so close to him, but I guess that's my fault. He went to the couch first, and I decided to sit right next to him. A bit closer than I normally would to anyone else. But... it's the commander. I wanna be close to him.
Thankfully, he didn't seem to mind.
I kept reading the report in my hand until my eyes just completely glazed over. Ugh... I can't. My lack of sleep is seriously catching up, like fighting against an anchor that's getting heavier. Not to mention... my heart still aches. So dumb of me to think he wanted to touch my hair. I know he wasn't trying to tease me but... it just felt mean.
Why didn't I just ask him outright to brush my hair?
I glanced over. Engrossed in his work as always. Go figure.
Commander... do you even have a clue? Or am I just another secretary to you? What's going on in that head of yours when you look at me?
It's weird. These thoughts used to make me sick. But now my heart just aches for a sign one way or the other. I can't even joke with myself anymore. But how do I do it? How do I...
...eh? ...oh... damn it... I-I'm... I'm starting to... nod off...
Ugh... I'm about to keel over whether I like it or not. I turned toward the commander and got a thought that made my stomach drop.
Would it be too weird if I... rested my head on his shoulder?
I pursed my lips as I contemplated. I won't be his secretary forever. This could be my only chance. And he's not making any moves, nor should I expect him to at this point. Am I thinking too hard?
Ergh... my eyelids are so heavy. I'm about to fall over. Do I pick the side with the commander or no?
...y'know what? Screw it.
Ignoring the screaming doubts in my head, and without saying a word, I gently laid my head on his shoulder.
He's not moving. I think I heard him gasp a little, but he ain't moving one bit. What's he doing? Is he shocked? Weirded out and about to push me away? Too focused to give a damn? Or maybe he's just accepting this as what's happening. Or... maybe it's okay.
As tired as I was, my heart was also pounding. My eyes were heavy enough to stay shut, but I couldn't fall asleep. It felt like limbo. Will he let this happen? Mmm... this is really comfy, though. He's so warm.
Am I blushing? It sure feels like I am.
Damn it, Commander, if you don't want this just say so. Don't just sit there like an idiot. Do something. Give me a sign. Give my heart some peace. Or hope. I'd prefer hope. But God only knows what's in your heart. Or how you feel about me. Just... do something. Anything. Please. My heart can't... can't... oh God...
...he's brushing my hair. He's really... hah...
All the doubts in my head fell silent. My body relaxed as his fingers caressed my hair. Ah... it feels so nice. I'm not the kinda girl who asks to be pampered all the time, but damn this is good.
Commander... is this really okay? Or... would you do this with any secretary?
Jean... don't you dare ruin this. You have him all to yourself. Just enjoy it.
I wish I could see his face. I wonder what he's thinking.
I could feel my consciousness starting to slip below the surface. I adjusted myself one more time before allowing myself to fall asleep.
Don't you leave me, Commander.
Tried to put lots of fluff in here to make up for the wait. Apologies, I've had hella writer's block lately. I think I have a good high-level plan going forward though, but I wouldn't expect the throughput I had at the start of this story. I'm seeing this story through, though, so don't think it's gonna die or I'm gonna abandon it. I'll be posting status reports on reddit occasionally. Reddit name is the same as on here. Anyway, happy holidays, and I hope to bring you more Jean Bart fluff soon. Cheers.