Chapter 11: Look at Me (So I can Justify Looking at You)
Staring at her smartphone and the picture she had taken of Hina-when had she gotten it? after the amusement park? while Kuroki was on suspension? she couldn't recall-Yuri considered that perhaps she should have contacted her friend by now.
To be fair, it wasn't entirely her fault. Days had passed of the two awkwardly skirting each other, sharing the occasional glance that lingered just a moment too long before glancing away with a blush and making excuses when Kuroki would invite them both to lunch. They'd managed to avoid suspicion from those around them somehow (as far as Yuri could tell), but eventually they'd give themselves away and would be forced into a confrontation.
A small part of the reserved girl was hoping that would happen if she were being perfectly honest. It would force them to reconcile, or at least acknowledge what had happened on the train and perhaps even what it meant. At the very least this nagging sense of uncertainty and discomfort would end.
But then again, none of that would be necessary if they were just willing to talk to each other, and with each passing day that became simultaneously more enticing and more frightening. Yuri groaned at this thought. If I could just contact her out of nowhere, we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. She internally griped. Besides, she's the brave, spontaneous one. I'm not anything like that-I don't even know how she does it, so how am I supposed to copy it?
She rolled over onto her stomach, slowly kneading her bed as she thought, I just... I don't want to be bold, or random, or flashy. That's not me.
Pressing the home button on her phone, she returning to the main screen and selecting the messenger app. Yuri stared at the conversation Hina had opened with her-more than a week since it was last used. Actually seeing the time lost before her, she sighed deeply. She wasn't bold, no... but maybe she didn't have to be? Maybe, sometimes, you have to do something even if you're afraid of the outcome?
As she stared at her phone, the seconds ticking by, her brow began to furrow, frustration and resolution etching itself into its creases.
Yuri considered what kind of person she wanted to be, and something about the way she'd been acting left a bad taste in her mouth. If a friend of hers had been complaining and whining the way she had been, Yuri would be annoyed to end. Why should she make an exception for herself?
It wasn't about being brave or scared, she considered. At this point, it was simply a matter of practicality, and Yuri was exceptionally practical.
...
"You're doing it again."
Hina jumped slightly, turning to girl lying on her bed. "What?"
Shifting on the mattress with a roll of her eyes, Akane said, "You wanted me to come over so we could study, but instead you keep losing focus and staring off into space. We've barely been doing this for thirty minutes and you've already done it like three times."
The twintailed girl blushed at this accusation, turning away with a huff as she said, "W-well, I mean, it's really difficult stuff, y'know? Getting distracted is normal when dealing with stuff like this!"
Her brow furrowing in frustration, Akane replied, "Hina, you're not normally like this. I thought we talked about how I don't like it when you keep stuff to yourself." Her expression shifted to one of concern. "You know I worry about you sometimes, right? We're friends and it's normal, but no matter how cheerful and energetic you always are, you hold back when it comes to yourself. I know you don't want to upset anybody, but sometimes you'll upset them even more if you don't tell them when there's a problem."
Worry slowly creeping across her features, Hina eventually conceded, "Well, it's not like it's anything major, but..." A moment passed in silence as she contemplated how to phrase her concerns before finally blurting out, "how do you talk to someone that you're not sure wants to talk with you?"
This seemed to legitimately surprise the direct girl, and she shifted on the bed to face her friend. "What do you mean?"
For a moment Hina wavered before finally saying, "well... you remember Yuri-chan?"
"That kinda cold girl?" Akane asked with her usual bluntness, causing the pink-haired girl to flinch. "Yeah, sure. What about her?"
...
"...and then I said, 'we'll never hurt each other again'... but we haven't talked since. I'm pretty sure that counts as 'hurting each other'." Hina concluded, her blush in full force as she looked up. "After that, I'm not sure what to..." She blinked in surprise. "A-chan?"
Her eyes wide, her mouth gaping, and her entire face a cherry red, Akane spluttered for a moment before finally saying, "I-isn't that basically a confession!?"
Her eyes growing similarly wide, Hina stammered, "W-what? N-no way! It's not like that! We're just friends, alright!?"
They each remained silent, taking a moment to collect themselves. Finally, Akane offered a short, pointed cough before saying, "Well, i-it's fine then, isn't it? I mean, if you're just friends, then you can just say sorry and make up, right? I mean, it's not like you guys have anything that's keeping you from talking to each other, so you can just go back to how it was before, right?
"Yeah," Hina replied with a noncommittal shrug.
She's right, I know that... but... she slumped forward, placing her chin in her hands as she thought, if I do that... it would be like pretending none of that happened... like none of it was important.
The usually cheerful girl wore an uncharacteristic frown as she internally concluded, for some reason, I couldn't stand that. I... don't want to pretend like none of that happened.
She reflected on Akane's reaction, on the ponytailed girl's use of the word 'confession,' and Hina wondered if maybe she hadn't been totally honest with her friend.
...
ANNA: Oooh~
ANNA: I wasn't expecting this!
Yuri cringed at her cowardice as she read over the delinquent girl's message, trying to convince herself that asking her for advice was at the very least some kind of change. After all, if you can't face your problems directly, then approaching them from a different angle is better than running away, right? Not to mention some part of Anna's demeanor had lent Yuri the impression that the perpetually drowsy delinquent had both significant insight and above-average interest in the subject.
Regardless of what excuse she threw out, however, the truth was that the reserved girl felt stuck, and she needed someone else's help to escape this rut. Considering this, it was with a slightly eased heart that Yuri sent her reply.
YURI: Well?
ANNA: Awww, has anyone told you you're cold?
She cringed at this, recalling that Hina had in fact said something to that effect when they started getting to know each other. It was not a reminder she wanted at the moment.
YURI: If that's all you have to say I'll delete you from my contacts
ANNA: Alright, alright, soz, soz. Anyway, why don't you just text her.
Rolling her eyes at this, Yuri had the distinct impression Anna had completely missed the point and stated as much. A moment of regret passed as the contemplative girl reflected that perhaps the gyaru was not the best source of advice when the notification jingle issued from her phone, announcing another text from Anna.
ANNA: So why did you line me~?
YURI: Because I need advice
ANNA: That's not much easier than just messaging your
ANNA: friend
ANNA: right?
Her eyebrow raising at the emphasis the flashy girl had placed on 'friend,' Yuri considered the point she made. While it was true that contacting Hina would have taken even more courage than this would, it still took a significant deal to contact Anna.
YURI: What's your point?
ANNA: Well, it sounds like you're ready
ANNA: Pretty much, anyway
ANNA: You just need a little push!
ANNA: So here it is: she wants to talk to you, too!
ANNA: Just think, she's sitting there all alone, moping and checking her phone just waiting for her *special friend* to message her!
ANNA: Isn't that just the saddest thing~?
The reserved girl rolled onto her back, considering Anna's words. She knew her own feelings-for the most part, anyway-and she definitely missed Hina. If the sleepy girl was right, then Hina missed her just as much! Thinking this over, she finally found her resolve.
YURI: Alright. Thanks.
ANNA: Aw, no problem! Let me know how it goes~
ANNA: Yu-chan?
ANNA: How mean~!
***Chapter 11: Good End***