Thanks French Girl! Your comments fuel me to keep going. Like I can see the views but it's nice to know someone is enjoying the story/writing. ;)
(After the park Robin went back to work and told Rachel the birthday cupcakes were still a go. He texts during the day asking if he could stay on the settee and maybe make them a birthday breakfast. Sunday, 3rd of March, Rachel's 40th birthday. Rachel slept surprisingly well, it may have been the wine, and a strange feeling of comfort. When she woke she found Charlotte and Robin at the kitchen table with a mess of crayons. Charlotte hugged her mother on sight and presented her with a birthday card which Robin helped her with some of the letters to spell "Happy Birthday". Rachel was then told to relax with her coffee and she sat at her kitchen table watching the cozy scene of Charlotte standing on a step stool, helping Robin crack eggs for omelets. Rachel felt like she was in a film. Everything seemed too perfect to be her real life. She managed to sneak a photo of the pair with her mobile attempting to catch the magic and keep it forever. He was brilliant with Charlotte, Rachel a few times caught herself in a trance, lost in their moment, simply watching them play and laugh and watching him carefully answer one or two of Charlotte's millions of questions. He was patient with Charlotte, gentle, kind. They were both so normal. She loved it and right when she was on the cusp of envying them, Robin engaged her and pulled her into the interaction. As if he sensed it somehow. He made sure that she was a part of whatever this was and whatever this was, she liked it very much. She may have had some dark nights and painful days and survived some truly traumatizing shit. She may have even been born wrong but somewhere, somehow along the way through her fuck-up of a life, she must've done something good enough to deserve this and she was going to enjoy it for however long it lasted. It was now nearing a late lunch and Robin asked the two Bailey's to maybe have a walk around the neighborhood, allow him to tidy since it's "Mummy's day to relax" and he was going to do something special for lunch. Rachel protested more than Charlotte but her protest was shot down by Robin. Who said: "Fine, if you really want to do the dishes that badly." To which Rachel said "Charlie, get Mum her jacket." and everyone laughed. It was clear it had rained earlier in the day, and Rachel had to readily remind Charlotte not to step in the puddles. They both wear wellies and Charlotte wears a matching rain hat protecting her dark coily curls. Rachel received a "happy birthday" text from Lee and Anna and Denise, as had become custom, since they started announcing birthdays via email. So far, it was her best birthday ever. Her and her daughter walk hand-in-hand back toward the flat.)
Charlotte: Sometimes a day is like another day and they are like the same and they don't have special things like ice cream or cake. (Rachel nods in agreement. Charlotte for most of the walk was rambling on.)
Rachel: That's almost philosophical.
Charlotte: What?
Rachel: (shrugs) Just another way of saying you're clever.
Charlotte: I am. (swings her Mum's arm) Do you think today is special? Because I think today is Tuesday.
Rachel:(smirks) It's not Tuesday.
Charlotte: Then is it another day?
Rachel: Yes. It's always some day.
Charlotte: But is it a special day?
Rachel: I dunno, is it special to you?
Charlotte: (giggles) Yes!
Rachel: (Raises an eyebrow) Why?
Charlotte: Because you're my Mummy.
Rachel: So? I'm your Mummy everyday.
Charlotte: Yes but not every day is a special day. Because some days are just like the same and like Tuesday.
Rachel: What's so special about today?
Charlotte: It's special because I know why it's special.
Rachel: Because it's my birthday?
Charlotte: No.
Rachel: Alright, why then? (Charlotte jumps a few times as if all her excitement can't be contained in her tiny 4 year old body.) Well are you going to tell me?
Charlotte'. No, It's a secret.
Rachel: A secret? But we haven't got secrets, you and I. Have we?
Charlotte: Yeah but, you can't tell the police everything.
Rachel: (laughs) What? Who told you that?
Charlotte: Aunt Ali.
Rachel: Well, I'm not the police when you talk to me. I'm just your mum. And you can always tell me anything.
Charlotte: Ok.
Rachel: So what's the secret then?
Charlotte: I can't tell you because I promised. (They walk up the path to their home and enter the main hallway as Rachel puts her key in the lock.)
Rachel: Promised who? (She opens her flat door and a 'pop' sound startles her, confetti? Several shouts of "surprise" echo and Rachel stands still, mouth open in shock. Charlotte laughs and jumps around her and kazoos and clapping from different people cause Rachel's eyes to dart back and forth. Ali, Holly, Robin, Janet. Janet? Tony. Tasie, Elise. Gill. Lee. All in her flat, all smiling, all looking at her. When the clapping stops, she realizes there is an expectant pause. Rachel wets her lips and looks around. She's actually stunned silent.) Shit.
Allison: (grips Rachel's chin, wiggling her face side to side.) A picture of gratitude. (There's laughter. Allison was the only one used to Rachel's quiet skeptical stoicism. Rachel swats Allison's hand away.) Do you realize how much effort Robin and I went through to put this together for you? And that's what we get? "Shit"?
Rachel: I'm just surprised.
Tasie: That was sort of the point. (laughter)
Allison: It's a good surprise though, eh?
Rachel: Yeah.
Allison: Can we not even get a smile then? (Rachel's eyes scan everyone in her home, people she loved, liked, trusted. The suddenly festive decor tacked on the walls and her face feels hot.)
Rachel: Excuse me. (she pushes past Allison and quickly leaves the room to the loo where she locks the door, hyperventilates, cries and then vomits. She's on her knees on the tiled floor, retching up her coffee and lovely breakfast Robin made. When the contents of her stomach have completely emptied she tears a square off the bog roll and wipes her mouth. She groans from the sudden physicality of puking. She begins putting the pieces together. When Robin mentioned her birthday the previous week and said there was reason to fuss, she never imagined this. She already felt like he'd made a great deal of fuss. Now, everyone was in her living room, to celebrate? To celebrate her? Her birthday? She kneels, heaving over the toilet again but her stomach is empty and it's nothing but dry heave. She wraps an arm around her midsection, her entire body feeling weak.
She couldn't remember the last time she had a real birthday party, with streamers and balloons and people who are there for her and not the alcohol. She felt nervous. She knew how to behave at other people's parties but a party centrally focused on her? She stands and flushes the toilet. She begins brushing her teeth and stares into her own eyes. She could do this. She could do this and not embarrass herself or get into a fight with Allison. She spits and rinses the sink before opening the door to see Gill.) Oh.
Gill: (fights smile) I drew the short straw.
Rachel: (pushes hair behind her ears) Sorry?
Gill: They voted I check to see you're alright.
Rachel: Yeah I'm good. (Gill pats her roughly on the arm.)
Gill: Get yourself together kid, it's a party! (Rachel smiles for the first time since she's entered the house.) Guess, I need to stop calling you Kid. You're 40 now.
Rachel: Don't say it so loudly. My body might hear you and suddenly give up on me. (Gill laughs and this makes Rachel feel at ease.) l've never had a surprise party.
Gill: It's fucking infuriating isn't it?
Rachel: Ha, I dunno that, that is the feeling.
Gill: People plotting and scheming behind your back. And you're meant to be a detective, someone who picks up on lies and details.
Rachel: Well when you put it like that-
Gill: I get it. I understand. That's how I felt too. When I've had mine. (Rachel nods listening. Gill was projecting and she was fine with it.) The one Dave threw for me, I literally spent the entire first hour apologizing because when I opened the door and his sister jumped out at me I punched her. (Rachel laughs.) I know. So, your reaction could have been worse. (Rachel nods. She didn't know how to explain that she felt overwhelmed because this was so nice and she wasn't accustomed to nice things. Being at the center of so many people's positive attention.)
Rachel: I reckon I can manage not to punch anyone.
Gill: (claps her hands) Right! Wonderful. Let's get back out there then.
Rachel: Ok. (She follows Gill back to the living room where everyone cheers again.)
Janet:(to Allison) It would have taken me double the time.
Allison: You lot would have been going home with a slice of cake because she'd never listen to me.
Rachel: That's not true. (Gill gestures for Charlotte to come over.)
Allison: It is.
Rachel: It's not.
Allison: (to Janet) And we're rowing already. (Everyone laughs.)
Charlotte: (hugs her mother's legs) Happy Birthday. (Rachel laughs and lifts her daughter. She playfully pinches Charlotte's legs.)
Rachel: You knew all along didn't you? You clever bugger. (Charlotte laughs loudly. Gill walks away, knowing Rachel would be fine now that she has Charlotte in her arms, her human security blanket.)
Charlotte: Me and Robin were a team.
Rachel: Robin? (Their eyes meet and they exchange smiles. Hers, warm and girlish. His, satisfied.)
Robin: (He steps closer to her and kisses her cheek. She blushes at this tender display in front of everyone.) I know you said you don't usually like a fuss for your birthday but 40 deserves a fuss. I hope it's ok.
Rachel: (smiles and kisses him quickly on the lips, with one hand she carefully cups his face and looks at his lips.) It's more than alright. Thank you.
(When everyone started singing 'Happy Birthday', Rachel found herself singing it under her breath, not used to the attention being on her. She is told to make a wish, which she finds ridiculous, and blows out the candles. Everyone gets a slice of cake, there's music and dancing. Rachel is donned with a tiara that says "It's My Birthday" in gold letters, by her sister and she and Charlotte are made to pose for some pictures. Rachel kneels beside Charlotte who insisted on matching her mother and wears a crown of her own from one of her princess costumes. When the photos are done Charlotte quickly pulls from her mother's hold and runs to Tasie to pick up the conversation where she left off. Rachel stands and steps over to Robin.)
Rachel:(touches her tierra) I feel a bit silly.
Robin: (looks to the tierra) Why?
Rachel: It's like I'm the only one who knew it was a fancy dress party.
Robin: Would you rather Charlotte's Batman mask? I've seen you wear that unabashedly.
Rachel: (lifts a mimosa from the nearby table) Did I say it was hers? (she smirks cheekily making Robin laugh. She sips her drink. He kisses her temple.)
Robin: Do you want me to grab it? You can be Princess Birthday Batman.
Rachel: No tah.
Robin: I've got an idea. (He exits down the hallway to Charlotte's room. Gill quickly takes up the newly vacant space beside Rachel.)
Gill: (raises eyebrows) You failed to mention how handsome he is.
Rachel: I usually pull above my weight. You know that. You've seen some of the men I've bedded.
Gill: I grossly underestimated you.
Rachel: As per usual.
Gill: Oiy, I've always given credit where credit's due.
Rachel: True. I'm just taking the piss.
Gill: And he organized all this for you.
Rachel: A load of bother. I can't understand-
Gill: Because you're worth it. (Robin returns wearing the Batman mask. Gill laughs as he approaches.) Don't cover that handsome face.
Robin: (looks to Rachel, who chuckles at the sight of him) I don't want you to feel like you're the only one in fancy dress.
Rachel: You're ridiculous.
Gill: (laughs) Maybe I can get one. We can be the Avengers.
Rachel: Batman isn't part of- (shrugs, feeling wrong correcting Gill.) Nevermind. (A glass clinks and everyone's attention turns to Allison.)
Allison: I'd like to say a few words on behalf of our birthday girl.
Rachel: Leave it out.
Allison : (points at Rachel) No. (to everyone) I've known Rachel her entire life. If I had to pick one word to describe Rachel, it would be 'contrary'. (Everyone giggles at this. Allison reads from her phone.) "Opposite in nature" "perversely inclined to disagree or do the opposite of what is expected or desired."
Janet: Spot on.
Allison: Ever since the day she was born, she's been contrary. Our parents expected a boy. Out comes Rachel. (more chuckles) I come out blonde blue eyes, Rachel instant opposite. She was a dark baby. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark soul. (chuckles.) As children, we shared a room. (Rachel peeks to Gill who is the only one who knows the truth behind it.) My side, pink and butterflies. Contrary Rachel, black, blue. She was always in trouble. She never listened. Constantly disagreed with me.
Rachel: Alright, is this a toast or a roast?
Tasie: Sort of the same thing, innit?
Janet: Go on.
Allison: She's always been clever but she never seemed to pick up on that, when I wanted her to do something, I'd insist on the opposite because it was the only way to get her to do anything. (more laughs) We didn't, uh, we didn't always have it easy growing up. (gets teary)
Rachel: Don't do that. (Tasie puts a hand on Allison's shoulder.)
Allison: But contrary to anyone's expectations, given the circumstances, Rachel made a success of herself. (Rachel's eyes flit to Gill. Who smiles in agreeance.) She always wanted to be a copper. For her 8th birthday, Mum got her one of those pretend police sets with the hat and plastic baton. (chuckles) She basically ditched everything except for the fake badge and the handcuffs.
Rachel: I remember that. They had surprising heft to them for fake cuffs.
Allison: She used to chase our brother Dom in the back garden pretending to arrest him. And, half of that is a happy story. (Rachel smirks sympathetically.)
Robin: I didn't know you had a brother.
Rachel: Yeah, well, he's a twat. (Janet laughs)
Janet: (gets eyes from Allison.) Sorry.
Allison: To see her go from that skinny, scruffy little nothing- Into this, skinny, still a bit scruffy, successful Chief Inspector, who her niece and nephew brag about seeing on Telly, this brilliant Mum of a beautiful and just as clever and contrary little girl. I'd just like to say I'm so proud of what you've done in these 40 years Rachel. And, Happy Birthday and I love you. (gets teary again. Rachel mouths "I love you" to Allison.) To Rachel! (Everyone raises their glasses)
Everyone: Rachel! (Rachel blushes and turns her face away wanting to hide it in Robin's chest but not ready to fully betray how attached to the idea of him she's already become.)
Gill: (tilts Rachels glass toward her mouth.) Drink up. It's bad luck not to drink after a cheers.
Rachel: (sips) Don't need any more of that.
Gill: Too right.
Janet: If I could, l'd like to say something.
Rachel: (under her breath) God help me.
Gill: Remember there are children present.
Janet: When I first met Rachel, Gill had given me a warning. She called me into the office and told me she was tasking me with bringing the new DC up to speed. She told me she had a rather stellar arrest record but that she seemed a little too eager and a bit rough around the edges. (Rachel raises her eyebrows and sips her drink.) And the first case we were on together, she was brilliant. She came up with a theory and motive, and guessed the killer before any evidence even suggested it. Everyone thought she was mad. (chuckles) Until the forensics came in. That's when I started calling her Sherlock. Over the years, we've been through a lot together. A wedding, two divorces, two murder inquiries. Funerals, hundreds of bottles of wine. (more chuckles) Hundreds of cases, wins, losses. A miscarriage, two births. A few affairs.
Rachel: Alright. (She looks to Robin who smiles, although she was reminded of how near ending things were just yesterday. She'd really have to do something amazing, to make up for it, to deserve all this. What could she do?)
Janet: Promotions! And through all of it, we've drawn closer, become almost like sisters.
Gill: I swear you squabbled like it sometimes. (chuckles)
Janet: You might not remember this exact moment but it was after some royal screw up of yours. I just got through bollocking you because we all know if I'd let Gill at you, it would've been 15 times worse. (Rachel smirks shyly, rubbing a finger over her lip and then clowning the remainder of her drink.) And you assured me that you would learn, that you'd get your act together. And I said "Good because I'd be bored out of my tree without you to look forward to everyday." (chuckles) And like your sister said, contrary to what I thought upon meeting you, we became best mates. We depend on each other. But, seeing you grow, these past few years into your role as a leader, I truly believe you have learned. (she tears up.) And I'm really going to miss you. (she wipes tears)
Rachel: Miss me? I've turned 40. I'm not going anywhere.
Janet: No. I am.
Rachel: What?
Janet: I'm taking your advice and I'm retiring.
Tasie: What?
Elise: Mum?
Lee: Seriously Janet?
Janet: Rachel's more than capable now. It's time for me to go to pasture. Settle in. Enjoy being a Nan.
Charlotte: I love you Nan.
Janet: I Iove you too Charlotte. (Raises her glass) To all the years working together. And to friendship.
Anna: To Janet.
Everyone: To Janet. (Gill drinks but doesn't toast and looks to Rachel who scrambles for a second mimosa. She holds it up and sips. Gill tries to grab Rachel's arm but misses her as she makes a b-line for Janet. They embrace.)
Rachel: What am I going to do without you?
Janet: It was your idea to start with.
Rachel: I know but it was never what I wanted. I'm contrary. (Everyone laughs at this)
Robin: (lifts the Batman masks and leans into Gill) Did she just toast to herself?
Gill: (raises eyebrows at his catching on so quickly) It does appear that way.
Rachel: (with her arm around Janet's shoulder brings her over to where Gill and Robin stand. Janet smiling ear to ear and Rachel wiping a tear.) So it's sort of a birthday slash retirement party.
Janet: Yeah.
Robin: No, it's just a birthday. (Gill laughs, not able to help but dribble some of her drink back into her glass.) I'm sure Janet will have her own party.
Janet: Well, yeah, of course.
Rachel: I hate to think about what it'll be like without ya. But it's the right thing to do.
Gill: Sort of no choice by the sounds of it. (sips her drink.)
Janet: I guess you'd know better than anyone, when it gets time to retire, things get a bit messy. (Gill smirks but her eyes let both women know she's holding her tongue. Gill wasn't going to aid in making this party about Janet in any way. If she had no self control, she'd argue that "having a drink" at her desk was a "bit messy". Having a fiance murdered was something else entirely.)
Robin: Well, I must say I'm a bit jealous of you both. Having been able to work directly with her brilliance. (Touches the crown of Rachel's head.)
Rachel: Stop it. (Laughs and swats his hand away.)
Robin: I get to see it, but only second hand.
Janet: (jokes) Well, I'm sure it's not her brain you're after.
Robin: It's just about my favorite part of her.
Rachel: (laughs and pulls the Batman mask over Robin's face) Stop it. You're embarrassing me. (She promptly walks away to Anna. Midway across the room she turns back and puts her hand out for Janet to take. Janet laughs taking hold and goes with Rachel to the other side of the room where Charlotte, Anna, and Lee converse. Janet wasn't needed but she knew that now that Rachel knew she was retiring and that she would soon be without her, this was going to make the poor girl extra clingy. She had abandonment issues, probably from her Mum walking out. Janet was going to enjoy the attention.)
Charlotte: Mummy, do you want some jelly? Lee's protecting them. (Lee laughs and steps aside blocking a small table with loads of jelly on it.)
Lee: Easy access. (Rachel laughs)
Rachel: I'd love some jelly. Thank you. (Charlotte gets her mother a small jelly container and a plastic spoon. Robin and Gill stand silently watching watching from a distance.)
Robin: (looks to Gill, then back to Rachel and Janet holding hands, then back to Gill.) Has this... always been like this?
Gill: They've had their ups and downs but more or less, yes. She thinks the sun shines out Janet's backside.
Robin: Why?
Gill: I paired them up initially because I thought Janet would be a good influence on a young DC. And Rachel well, you know her, she was so impulsive when we first got her in MIT. She needed reigning in. And she helped mostly.
Robin: But now that leash is too tight.
Gill: I see that now. (They both take a sip of their drinks staring at the newly revealed dilemma.)
(Hours later. Robin is doing some final washing up. Rachel has just put Charlotte to bed. She returns from the hallway and smiles watching Robin. He seemed to fit in her space so nicely.)
Rachel: You don't have to do that. You've done so much already.
Robin: I don't mind. (Rachel hugs him from behind and kisses his strong shoulder blades.)
Rachel: Thank you for today. (The front door opens and Rachel quickly goes into defensive mode. She takes a few steps forward and Gill enters.) Oh. I thought you'd gone.
Gill: Don't worry. I'll leave you two to it. I just, I know it was No gifts required but I did get you something.
Rachel: Aww. Sweet.
Gill: I left it in the boot. Didn't want to make a show of it. (Holds a gift bag out. Rachel walks over and takes the bag. She touches cheeks with Gill 'air kissing'.)
Rachel: You really didn't have to.
Gill: No but, I wanted to. (Gill and Robin exchange knowing smiles.)
Rachel: Do you mind if I open it a bit later? When I'm on my own?
Gill: Right. Okay. That's fine. Shoot me a text if you like it.
Rachel: I'm sure I will.
Gill: Alright well, I'm off then.
Rachel: (smiles) I'll walk you out. (She didn't want to open the gift in front of Gill. She was feeling emotional. She hadn't received a birthday gift since Nick. And now that she knows how the expensive perfume he bought wasn't especially picked out for her and that it was the same his wife wore, so that he could never be accused of smelling like another woman. She can't remember anything specific before that. She got cards sometimes.) Thanks for coming. It really means a lot.
Gill: Wouldn't miss it. (She pats Rachel on the arm and Rachel watches her check and then safely gets in her car. A fierce woman, not unmarked by her own trauma.)
Rachel: (returns to the kitchen) What's the last birthday gift you remember receiving?
Robin: The best? That's tough.
Rachel: No, the last.
Robin: Oh, uh, last year, 41, my daughter got me a book and a gift card. My sister got me a card, but the year before that she got me really nice cufflinks. We had a big do. 40s meant to be that. (Rachel nods and sits down at the table holding the bag out in front of her. She couldn't tell him she didn't remember the last 'real' birthday gift she received. It'd make her sound pathetic. People just didn't like her very much, she accepted that.)
Rachel: What d 'you reckon it is?
Robin: (laughs at the way she looks at the bag.) Well, I don't reckon it's a bomb or a body part. (She smirks at him taking the piss.) Why not just open it?
Rachel: (exhales out through her mouth and pushes hair behind her ears.) Ok.
Robin: (waits, and eventually laughs at Rachel still sitting holding the bag.) You've not developed x-ray vision have you?
Rachel: (laughs) No. Alright. (She reaches in the bag pulling out tissue paper. At the bottom is a plastic square. She lifts it and inside the tightly wrapped plastic are striped blue sheets. They're the high thread count Egyptian Cotton type. Almost identical to the set in Gill's guest room. Rachel laughs and tears up. She shows Robin.)
Robin: Sheets? (Raised eyebrow) Odd.
Rachel: (laughs) It's a sort of joke we have. (She wipes a solitary tear, smiling and reading the packaging. A yellow sticky note reads in Gill's writing "You're worth it. Happy Birthday. X Gill")
Robin: (steps nearer to her and puts a gentle hand on her back) Can I be in on the joke?
Rachel: You sort of, you sort of had to be there. (Rachel nods and text Gill, 'Thank You Iā¤Them!' When Rachel was in crisis and stayed with Gill, they had joked about the sheets being worth more than Rachel.)
Robin: Well, I'd better get going.
Rachel: Oh? (looks to the time) You don't have to.
Robin: It's getting late.
Rachel: Maybe, (she stands and drapes her hands behind his neck) maybe you could help me with something?
Robin: What with?
Rachel:(kisses him) Breaking in these sheets? (His eyes trace hers. She's attempted to initiate sex on several occasions but always respected his 'No'. He told her he had to really FEEL something for a person before he would have sex. He smiles, she was often saying flirty and overtly sexual things to him but he puts a hand on the curve of her lower back pulling her body against his. He kisses her and they engage in sloppy steamy snogging. When their lips finally separate she smiles.) Is that a yes finally?
Robin: Yeah. (Rachel hungrily grips his face, kissing him with force. They caress each other and she begins unbuttoning his shirt. Still in the embrace she leads him down the hallway to her bedroom. She pushes her hands on his bare chest and he allows himself to fall back onto her bed. She strips off her top, revealing a black bra and he admires her chest as she walks toward him. She begins unbuckling his belt and straddles him.) What about the sheets? We left them-
Rachel: Bugger them. (she locks his lips in another fury of kisses. She's been anticipating this moment and wasn't going to let new sheets slow her down.)