Previously:

Maria tapped her feet with impatience. "We'll discuss with Carlisle's input next time. And Major Whitlock, maybe you can refine your evidence."

Elise

The first day, I watched.

Kate ran her training like clockwork. Pairs were assigned the day before, and everyone was aware of the schedule enough to swiftly transition between drills. While Zach broke up any sparring that tended towards an actual fight, Kate insisted that we go for venom. She wanted to see cracked skin, torn limbs, and venom shed. "This is war," she kept telling us. "This is reality."

Claudia met up with me by our rooms. "She's great, isn't she?"

I looked over at Kate, who was talking animatedly with another recruit about venom replenishment. She was a small woman with reddish brown hair and firm, bright red eyes.

"A little terrifying," I admitted.

"I'm glad you transferred. It was about time."

Claudia had moved up to Kate's group a week before I had brought up the topic with Jasper.

We watched recruits go by as we sat on the ground. Claudia outstretched her right leg, massaging right below her hip.

"How did it feel?" I asked her, gesturing down to her leg. She had lost her leg a few days ago in an intense session with her assigned partner.

"Like absolute shit. I couldn't stand straight, and I had to crawl out of the circle. The embarrassment was worse than the pain."

"How long did it take for it to reattach?"

She smiled tightly. "Only a few hours. The immediate blood helped a lot. Have you lost anything yet?"

"No. Is it weird that I want to? I want to be prepared for…" I summoned Kate's words. "…reality."

"It's very disarming—no pun intended. Mentally, it's something you need to be prepped for. This is why Kate runs her trainings the way she does."

My back straightened when I sensed Jasper enter the base's vicinity. He'd been gone for a few days, and I felt strangely content to have him accompany me for dinner instead of Peter.

"I should go," I told my friend.

"Alright," she said, clearly aware of my shift in demeanor.

I owed her no explanation, but I still gave her one. "My shield is more important than my ability to decapitate."

"Sure."

My eyes narrowed. "Claudia?"

She only shrugged. "People are talking. Major Whitlock is a delegate member, which means he holds a huge level of authority."

I stood up and looked down at her, brushing off dirt from my jeans. "If I could train with anyone else, I would. I don't particularly like his authority."

"Have you talked to Kate about making different arrangements?"

"No."

"You have a say in who you train with, Elise."

No, I didn't. "Goodnight, Claudia."

Jasper and I took our time heading to the city. He looked me over once we were far enough from base. "Glad to see that you're in one piece."

"Kate only had me watch today."

The tightness in my chest eased as the world grew silent and serene. I listened to his footsteps beside me, letting the rhythm sway me into an easy pace.

There was something in me that threw tantrums at his absence, but there was also a part of me who breathed a deep sigh of relief. The peace I felt at that moment with him by my side was something I didn't want to lose. At best, it was a moment of calm. At worst, it was a growing addiction, with just a dash of curiosity.

"Where do you go?" I asked him.

"Lots of places," he told me. "I'm the alliance's errand-boy."

I chuckled. "I don't believe that."

His shoulders relaxed at my words, and an easy smile appeared on his lips. "The Volturi were always the only choice we had when it came to order and regulation. They govern over a specific set of laws, and issue justice when needed. They hold meetings and appoint tasks within the Volturi Guard. Well, the alliance's operations are no different."

We walked for a while, and I could already sense the change in the air. Tonight, Jasper was his more favorable self.

"But sometimes," he continued. "It feels like you want to say, to hell with it all, and just disappear. Be wild. Unhinged. Lawless. Refute the documentation and reporting. Halt the unraveling of the red tape. Answer to yourself, and to yourself only."

"Oh?" I grinned with intrigue. "And why can't you do that?"

His smile dimmed, and his eyes fixated on the dirt we kept beating down with our feet. "There's strength in numbers. Being on your own is risky, especially now that the average coven size has reached about six."

He took a moment, then sighed. "There's just so much bullshit, Elise. Playing family just to guarantee your livelihood is ridiculous."

"But are you still playing family with the alliance?"

I wasn't aware of how piercing my question was. Jasper didn't respond to it, but I could feel him pulling away.

"Did I say something wrong?"

He shook his head. "You probably don't remember this, but you asked me why I stayed with the Cullens. You said I was better than that. But you couldn't have known the strategy that came with our arrangement. Carlisle's familial love was a facade that kept us together and alive."

I picked up from his point. "And the alliance is no different."

"I don't have to call the delegates my brothers or sisters. We don't feign a sense of togetherness or bond."

"And yet…"

"And yet," he continued. "The system is slow. It's bogged down by paperwork and politics. We're overtaking an archaic rule, but we're not that much different from it."

"Okay," I said. "Then why do you stay?"

His answer came out weak, and tired. "Numbers."

Jasper's sense of survival came before anything. Even his own wants and comforts.

"So, ideally you would not even associate with the alliance."

He thought for a while, and his tone strengthened. "Ideally, I'd travel the whole world alone. I'd kill without consequence. No one would keep a record of my behavior or history. My scars wouldn't scare the few I cared about, and they wouldn't provoke those who wanted me dead."

My eyes trailed down his body and towards his arms to examine the marks on his skin. "Who wants you dead?"

A bitter smile. "Vampires don't forget. My involvement with the Southern Wars by Maria's side has earned me enemies. My scars represent the ones I killed, and some remain vengeful for their friends, people they consider family, and their mates—" His sentence cut off abruptly. He pursed his lips and looked ahead.

I followed his gaze towards the bright lights coming off of the picturesque city a couple miles ahead, then looked back at him.

A specific word he used pulled the trigger on a memory.

It was hazy. The sound of a car, with light rain pattering on the window. My head buzzed with the engine's roar.

…

I hope you find your mate, Jasper. Contrary to what you think, I think it'll make you happy.

…

I thought back on the memory, hoping to illuminate any pathways from it to other forgotten memories. The path skirted passed a known memory that I had put into the back of my mind.

…

You can't pick your mate, Elise. Your venom decides, and you're stuck with the pull.

…

Jasper had said that. And I thought about my time in New York where that memory had surfaced. Peter. His wording had been…

…

With mating, there's a pull. Imagine an invisible rope tied to your body, contracting and expanding but always bringing you back to one person. The pull commands, you obey.

…

My synapses fired at an alarming rate. I peered at Jasper, then focused straight ahead. And all I could think about was the invisible enigma that had been referred to by my companion as the curse.

My mind felt like it was finally reaching the clearing. The sunlight was bright, but the clouds were moving in. They were heavy, dark, and full of ice cold water.

Contrary to what you think, I think it'll make you happy.

I looked at the man beside me. Hardened eyes, pained expression. He seemed distracted, and uncertain. His bipolar behavior was exhausting to deal with, but I couldn't imagine how he felt as he dealt with his own constant ups and downs.

And right then and there, I came to my own certain conclusion: I would not classify this man as as anything in the vicinity of happy.

"Jasper?"

He turned his head to look at me, and the wrinkles on his forehead smoothed out. "Yes?"

My questions seemed to pile up in my throat. The uncertainty of their answers prevented me from going forward with them. I frequently found it hard to see that Jasper cared about me given his condemnable decisions and lack of understanding. But it was also clear that my feelings for him were far from what he desired.

As the silence grew, the wrinkles reappeared on his forehead. I decided to instead focus on the positive, and the certain.

"I appreciate that you are investigating Damon. I feel that I never got closure on losing my parents."

He nodded slowly. "I'd like to be able to do more for you."

"More?"

He struggled with his words. "I want to give you that closure. And then, I want Damon dead."

I wanted him gone, too. But his outspokenness was unexpected. "You're already after the Volturi, and he's associated with them. That should make it easy."

"That's the only association you make?"

What else was there? "His work with the Jovu? Well, they're done—"

"No," he interrupted sternly. "Not the Jovu. Me. You've always compared us."

…

You don't belong with the Cullens. You belong with people like Damon.

…

The hair that he constantly pulled back was covering his face. He wanted to disappear. Something ate at him, and I finally understood. He didn't like me putting him in the same box as Damon. The taker, the experimenter, and the torturer.

"Damon is a monster," I said easily.

"You called me the same right before I killed you."

And he expected me to defend him? "You were killing me. Yes, I suppose that was appropriate."

I paused, collecting my thoughts. His anxiety reflected onto me. I reached up and pulled his hair back for him. "You are not Damon."

"Yes," he agreed painfully. "You've also made that side of the argument."

Good. But why was he upset about it? I searched my mind for trigger points, but found none. Suddenly, Jasper stopped. "You don't remember."

I slowed to a stop as well. "That's kind of been the case for the past few months."

He came up to me with a look so predatory, I felt an unfamiliar vulnerability resurface. A wave of fear splashed across my chest, then disappeared. The muscles in my throat wanted movement to decrease dryness. I felt helpless. Lost. Human.

My feet shuffled back in a similar rhythm that Jasper followed as he backed me into a tree until I felt the rough bark. His eyes were piercing, but they were focused onto my neck. With a hand, he reached and grabbed. His hand tightened gently around my throat.

…

Carlisle is gone. He does not exist for you anymore. Your medical consultant is me, and it is my venom that will kill you. Do you understand?

…

His lips weren't moving, but I could just as well place the words in his mouth. I placed my hand on top of his, feeling his grip that surely should have killed me by now. My other hand brushed over my cheeks to feel the free-running tears that couldn't come.

…

I hate it when humans cry. Impulsive, and a waste of water.

…

"Does it work?" His voice was hoarse, troubled. "Do you remember?"

It worked or not, I hated this. I couldn't even tell the source of the sadness that I felt. Was I grieving my own death? Was I pitying my killer? Was Jasper simply projecting?

It was clear that he wanted to help uncover memories. Physical cues were important in this process, but it wasn't easy on him. Surely, we had good memories? Why was he trying to push the bad ones down my throat?

Then, he kissed me. Hesitantly. Uncertainly. Fearfully. His hand loosened from my throat, then brushed against my chin.

Then, he pulled away. "This is about when you'd fight me. Most of the bruises on your forearms were from when you began hitting me. Your hands were close to bleeding."

"You killed me that day," I breathed.

He averted my eyes. "Of course."

I ran my fingers over where my vocal cords were hidden. I knew exactly what I had told him. "And then, I said…"

"You don't belong with people like Damon," Jasper muttered, his eyes closed. "You're worse. Liar. Traitor. Manipulator. He was all of those things, but at least he didn't show me that he cared."

He spoke slowly, carefully, and utterly monotone; he recited without hesitation and with complete recollection. How long had he ran these self-deprecating mantras in his head?

"It doesn't surprise me that I've said that," I said finally. "But it was wrong of me to make the comparison. You aren't the one who took me from my family. You didn't treat me like a lab rat. You didn't do any of it."

His mood didn't lighten. "I think what Damon did was brilliant. It's unhinged scientific exploration, which is something that the vampiric community lacks. But this… and you… it's become personal. And therefore, unacceptable."

"So, it's totally fine in your book that he took all of those other humans and played scientist?"

He opened his mouth, but then shut it. Instead, he held up a hand. "I won't fight about this with you. Neither of us will win."

It wasn't about winning. It was about how much we clashed morally. But given that I hadn't seen him for a few days, I didn't want tonight to turn into a bitter clash, and his mood had already dipped once.

"Tell me about your plans with Damon."

He transitioned into his response smoothly as we continued our walk. "I might be able to convince the alliance to send out a team for him."

"Why would the alliance do that for you?"

He grinned. "They wouldn't. But they would if it benefited them. Damon might be a useful source of information."

The lightbulb came alive. "That makes absolute sense. You need to know what the Volturi are doing with the experiments. Have they replicated the method? Are they waiting? Do they already have results? This could be very important for the alliance to know."

Jasper listened intently as I spoke. "Absolutely."

"If they have more gifted than you've accounted for, you're in trouble."

There was a long pause. "Absolutely."

His distant curtness was strange. But then he looked at me with such wondrous curiosity that it made me question just who he was.

"You're almost half-way through your time here. Have you noticed that?"

I examined his face for any sense of emotion, but he kept it unnaturally neutral. "I have."

"You've grown stronger. You're networking with recruits. You've adapted in every sense of the word. But the question is… how genuine is your act?"

"My act?"

"Have you assimilated to the alliance, or are you just waiting to bolt out of here?"

"I—"

"It doesn't matter. The fact is, you are free to go in a matter of months. You need to think long and hard about that decision."

This conversation completely blindsided me. "You are actually going to let me go?"

He gave me an incredulous look. "Your sentence was clear, was it not?"

"But you—I didn't do anything substantial for the alliance."

He considered that. "We're behind schedule. But that doesn't elongate your time."

This was bizarre. "I don't understand. In three months and two weeks, I can just leave?"

He clasped his hands tightly behind his back. "Yes. But it's my job to do everything in my power to convince you to stay."

"And how will you do that?"

"Persuasion. Anecdotes. Personal testimonies."

"Are you trying to sell me a car or convince me to fight for a revolution I don't believe in?"

He smiled lop-sidedly and grabbed my hand only to put it on his forearm. I noted the gentlemanly, delicate gesture.

"The revolution means nothing. If you see any gaps in the alliance's operation and mission, you don't stick around to watch them collapse."

I looked up at him, aware of our proximity, and put forth my analysis. "You stay for the numbers, but you don't care about their source. You'd sell them out for the Volturi at any time."

He bowed his head. "Always align yourself with the strongest side."

"Guarantee your survival," I muttered. "But wouldn't the Volturi be wary of you, then? How would they trust you after you clearly betrayed their opponent?"

"It's not fool-proof," he admitted. "But I've worked hard to keep my face away from the chess board. Moving forward, I have no plans to engage any of the Volturi Guard in the battlefield. However, if a list of delegate members were leaked, it would be my word against that piece of paper."

"And if they trust the piece of paper?"

"They will evaluate my gift. The equation will be weighted based on what I bring to the table. The betrayal would be a significant subtraction, but my gift combined with my experience in battle would surely serve as an advantageous multiplier."

He made it way too complicated. "I don't get it. Just fight for the side that aligns best with your values, and stick with them to the end."

"At least that proposal is better than trying to stick it out on your own."

I had done fine until Peter showed up in New York. "What's wrong with that?"

"You wouldn't get very far."

"And what's wrong with sticking with the side that best fits your values?"

His answer was automatic. "Everything. Nothing is worth dying for."

"Let me get this straight. You're going to let me go in a few months. But, you're going to do your best to get me to stay for an organization that you yourself could sell out at any moment?"

The moonshine diminished, and the stars were less bright as we got closer to the city. Jasper looked out over at the high rises.

"My tactic is really simple, sweetheart. I will do my best to convince you to stay for any organization I choose to be a part of. Today, it could be the alliance. Tomorrow, you might sing praise to the Volturi King through the streets of Italy."

He wanted me there with him wherever he went. Given his obsession with survival, I couldn't quite discern the motivation behind it. He cared for me deeply, but he also praised the power of my shield.

Jasper let me have the silence, but I could tell that he was aware of my dilemma. "My problems have become easier, Elise, when I've come to accept that I am physically incapable of staying away from you."

He took my hand from his forearm to plant a kiss on my knuckles, only to return it to its previous position. "And I've accepted it twice. Once when you were human, and once now."

"The rope. The invisible rope."

"Yes," he considered. "I suppose it is."

As we entered the city, I couldn't help but bask in Jasper's sudden outspokenness. And for once, I knew with certainty that he was telling the truth. Because his physical demonstration that began with his fingers wrapped delicately around my throat triggered just enough of the conversation.

…

I knew a mate would be disappointing. But I never imagined it would be this bad.

…

And now, I just needed to figure out what it all really meant for me. For my future. And how it shaped my past.

A/N: The gears are turning and locking into place. Here are some questions for you:

1. Jasper clearly has issues with Elise's view of him mingling with that of Damon's. Yet, he's moving down the path of Damon's experiments. How well do you think Elise would tolerate Jasper's involvement with the very experiments that essentially ruined her life?

2. Elise's memories are triggering, and the mating concept is on the forefront. Jasper's very big on confidentiality. How would the exposure of their relationship impact their place within the alliance?

3. Jasper's pretty aloof with his ties to anyone and anything, including the alliance. Do you agree with his perspective of easy betrayal in favor of the stronger side?