Chapter 25

The dream had been so real. Yet it could not compare to what followed moments after Ellana woke in Solas' arms. Her chest fluttered with anticipation when she saw Solas' sapphire eyes gazing back at her. Reaching to stroke the line of his lips, she shuddered when he lightly kissed her fingertips.

Ellana could tell by the way that Solas guided her towards him that he was mindful of her still fractured ribs. It was a marvel to her, how gentle the pressure of his touch was in comparison to the desperate look he gave her.

His tenderness made her like him more.

Without hesitation, Ellana bridged the distance between them. She could feel Solas' smile on his breath with her first polite kiss. Soft and wet, as soon as he pressed his lips to hers, the heat buzzed on her skin.

She was vaguely aware of Solas' clicking her laptop closed and pushing it far enough away not to impede them stretching out onto the center of the bed. She was more focused on the way the fabric of his pants rubbed on her bare skin as their legs grew more entangled.

Ellana could kiss Solas forever, and it would be enough. Each small sweep of his tongue against hers-every time he discovered a sensitive spot of her neck and lavished kisses upon it until she shuddered—was thrilling.

Ellana liked the way Solas twined his fingers through her hair and the subtle scent of cedar and fresh laundry that clung to him. She liked how his thumbs sensually ran the length of her spine, kneading the top of her thighs underneath her shorts, teasing the edges of her underpants.

She was about to wrap her legs around his hips and rock against him when Solas drew gently back, returning to sit at the edge of the bed, watching her with an expression of wonder that made her feel self-conscious and a bit overwhelmed.

"I'm sorry that was impulsive and ill-considered," he breathed abruptly.

"Solas, I-I thought you felt the same," Ellana said, her voice wavering. She was embarrassed.

"No-oh, Ellana. I only meant that I would have preferred to ask you out to dinner properly."

"That's old fashioned, hahren," she teased with mock outrage. "What if I was planning on doing the asking."

"Then I rescind my invitation. You may ask me if you wish."

"When?" She asked.

"Tomorrow?" he said with a sly grin, sitting- up on the edge of the bed, smoothing his clothes. "Is that too soon? Next week?"

Ellana stepped off the bed, standing in front of Solas, grinning as his hands wrapped around her waist. Leaning forward, she pressed her forehead against his before whispering, "Tomorrow, please."

"Seven in the evening?" Solas asked, doing his best to ignore when her mouth returned to kissing the edge of his strong jawline, moving upwards to suck on his earlobe. Ellana knew it was considered unwise to move this quickly, but she couldn't help herself. She had never wanted someone so badly before. A small moan escaped Solas' lips, and Ellana found it difficult not to slip her hands underneath his shirt or to unbutton it.

Solas was also struggling to stay composed, his grip on her hips tightening and loosening as if he were debating throwing her on the bed and taking her. Her mind flashed through half-a-dozen different justifications as to why he should. The two stood frozen, breathing heavily.

"Regretfully, I think I should leave before we become carried away," Solas said in a pained voice.

Ellana nodded. She knew it was for the best.

"A little longer," Ellana begged, leaning forward. She kissed Solas once, chastely. And then again with a reserve of heat that she didn't know she possessed.

They were playing with fire right now, and both knew that if Solas stayed even a few more minutes, their self-restraint would not endure.

"Oh, Ellana," Solas groaned in a voice that made her tremble. "The feel of you, you are perfect. I thought the dream-"

Ellana kissed him again with a fervor, until she processed what he had said. She usually remembered her dreams, and could recall walking through the town of Haven when she had fallen asleep. Ellana had thought it was coincidental that Solas had appeared there. After all, they had been watching the Siege of Haven together. Only, now that she was awake, and replaying the memory of their encounter, there was something different.

Solas had been dreaming in unison with her.

He could dream with her. That possibility seemed so absurd and unreal. Ellana had resolved to but his polemic of her book behind them. Only, if he could lucidly, then why had she attacked her methods with such vitriol. It was one thing if it was an academic difference, but it seemed to Ellana that the neurologist had knowingly undermined her work, despite having the same capabilities.

Perhaps he wasn't aware he could do such a thing?

"Wait, the dream? In Haven?" She asked, careful to keep her voice level. Ellana didn't want to accuse him outright.

"Yes," Solas replied in a distracted voice, before attempting to tug her body towards his, only to realize midway through what he had admitted to. His dreamy expression transforming into sadness.

"Wait, So if we were dreaming together. That means that-you're like me?"

"I-I would not go that far."

"I don't claim to understand very much about magic, but we were both in the same dream. There has to be some explanation for that."

Ellana's mind was clouded with doubt. It helped her to repeat the facts out loud.

Solas nodded, his face darkening. Underneath his sad expression, Ellana could see his eyes turn uncertain. It appeared as if he was sorting through his memories, trying to find the right words to say. Or, as some worried part of her thought, deceive.

"So when you wrote that book review, you knew that you could lucidly dream."

Solas didn't answer her. He was wincing. Ellana thought his expression looked remorseful.

"I was willing to put your judgments about my book aside. After all, your polemic made some points I should have considered given my qualitative methodology. Only-it doesn't seem to me as if that was the case. You lied."

"Ellana, I-I."

"Tell me, then, why you wrote the review. This doesn't seem like you."

Her tone was more insistent than angry. Mostly, she wanted to understand.

"It is complicated," Solas said, not making eye contact as he made the excuse.

"Then this is too complicated," Ellana stopped, waving her outstretched hand back and forth between their two bodies. "Please. Solas, explain to me why you wrote the review."

"I c-can't," Solas replied, his mournful voice that broke her heart to hear.

"Then we can't," Ellana said, adding force to each syllable, as she shook her head, walked to the closet and took out Solas' coat. She had zero regrets tossing it onto the bed next to him given his refusal to be forthright.

Solas pulled on his jacket. Clenching his eyes as he adjusted the collar. As much as Ellana was angry, a wave of empathy overtook her. She could tell that Solas was suffering as much as she was by the way he stiffly walked towards her apartment door.

"I'm sorry, truly, Ellana," Solas said, turning back for just a second.

"Professor Fen'Harel," Ellana snapped, her patience was gone. "Forgive me, I became too carried away in our acquaintance. Unless circumstances change, I might remind you that I prefer Dr. Lavellan."

"Of course, Dr. Lavellan," Solas responded as she slammed the door in his face, making a point to loudly click the deadbolt behind him.

For an hour after Solas left Ellana sat frozen on the floor in the center of her apartment, glaring at the pink and blue shapes in her mottled area rug. She hoped that Solas might call her once he had time to think, offering some sort of logical rationale to explain his behavior.

He didn't.

She tried not to let her rage overcome her as she took another long shower, letting the steam fill the bathroom, as she attempted to soothe herself.

Mostly, she wanted to wash Solas' scent off her skin.

Somewhere between putting her pajamas on and crawling into bed, Ellana began to cry.

It was an ugly sound. Nor was it entirely about Solas.

Ever since she had moved to Val Royeux, things had oscillated between bad to worse. Her colleagues had, on the whole, rejected her. She had been attacked and now had security following her around twenty-four hours, seven days a week. And now, Solas. For the past three weeks, texting with him had made her euphoric. Creators, the way he had touched her-

Only like everything the Orlesians loved the connection between Ellana and Solas had been superficial.

Artifice and bullshit.

For the second time that night, Ellana was uncharacteristically impulsive.

She pulled out her phone. Staring at the black screen for a time before hitting the power button.

She knew that she was welcome to call him anytime. That was part of the problem.

Unless he had gotten a new number? After all, they hadn't spoken for over a year-and-a-half.

She hit the buttons slowly to give her the opportunity to retreat.

Each beep reminded her what a bad idea it was.

Old habits and all that.

Ellana didn't care.

The phone rang, and a familiar husky voice greeted her.

"Lala?"

Ellana couldn't respond, her chest was heaving as she sobbed into the receiver.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"I-I'm sorry to reach out like this so suddenly," she said slowly. "I-I needed a friend. I moved to Val Royeux."

"Cassandra told me."

"It has been awful."

"Oh, La. I'm always here for you-if you need it-did you want to talk?"

Before she knew it, the whole unrelenting story tumbled out.