Chapter 25: Saturday, March 1, 1980

"There is no exquisite beauty… without some strangeness in the proportion."

-Edgar Allan Poe

The week leading up to the full moon had proven to be difficult. Remus seemed to be on more of an edge than he typically was before a moon, his patience nearly nonexistent and his mind utterly restless. Hermione knew he had gone running at least three times a day for the last three days, and he was gone no less than an hour each time.

Hermione was worried about him, and couldn't help but wonder what had him so wound up. When she asked, however, she was met with short or incomplete nonanswers that grated against her nerves. She tried to explain to Remus that if he just told her what the issue was, what he was feeling, she may be able to whip up a calming draught to help. Remus declined the offer every time, instead, going on another run or disappearing in his room for extended periods of time.

Hermione and Lily decided to have their monthly "girl's night" at Hermione's cottage this time. She needed to stock up on her blood replenishing potions and Lily had been interested to see the process of brewing the potion that Hermione left for Remus after every full moon.

Despite this arrangement, Hermione was surprised to hear the knock at her door around three in the afternoon. Lily had said she had a few things to take care of before she would be over, and that it wouldn't be until the evening. Hermione looked up from the cauldron she was setting up and furrowed her brow, getting up from her chair and walking down the hall, crossing through the living room to pull the door open.

"Oh!" Hermione said, "Remus! I wasn't expecting you, today. Is everything okay?"

Remus looked terrible. Normally, on the day of the full moon, he didn't look great. He looked tired, and worn, but today he looked sickly. His complexion was nearly translucent, the rings under his eyes so deep they looked black. His scars stood out against his skin, more so than usual, and he was practically vibrating with restless energy.

"Sirius was in a mood and playing his music loud, I asked him to turn it down and he didn't so I came here. Is it okay if I stay awhile? My head is killing me."

Hermione frowned, nodding slowly and stepping back from the door to let him through the threshold. As he walked, she noticed that he looked as if he were about to collapse at any moment, swaying dangerously on his feet as he tried to take his trainers off.

"Don't worry about your shoes, Remus. Come on, let's sit down, I'll make you some tea," she said, taking his elbow and walking with him into the living room.

Remus nearly collapsed onto the sofa, curling up on his side and burying his head into the throw pillows, "Thank you," he mumbled, his eyes fluttering as he tried to hold them open.

"Don't mention it," Hermione said, moving into the kitchen to get the kettle on.

As she opened the cabinet to pull out the mugs, she decided against the kettle and filled the mugs with water, using her wand to heat them quickly. She dropped the bags in and carried them into the living room, setting one on the coffee table in front of the sofa for Remus.

Remus grunted a thanks, sitting up a bit and patting the spot near him on the sofa. Hermione looked at him, perplexed. Usually this close to moonrise, Remus didn't want to be anywhere near anyone, let alone close enough to touch them.

He must really be feeling dreadful if he wants me to sit next to him, she thought.

Hermione took the seat and Remus immediately changed positions, depositing his head in her lap and closing his eyes again. She was shocked by the motion, it certainly wasn't something he had done before. She leaned forward a bit, stretching over his shoulders to set her mug on the coffee table. Her hands rested in his hair and she combed her fingers through it, lightly scratching her nails against his scalp.

"Thank you," Remus murmured again, his breath hot against the fabric of her trousers. "Lily does this for me sometimes and it helps ease my headaches. But she isn't home..."

Hermione felt a smile creep over her face as she remembered the first month she was here, and Lily ran her hands through Remus' hair while he was curled up in the chair. She continued to scrape her nails against his scalp, changing patterns every few minutes as she lost herself in thought. She settled back against the sofa and smiled as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling himself closer to her. Remus' body was unnaturally hot today, which she knew was a symptom of the full moon being just hours away. He ran warmer than the average wizard anyway, but his skin was nearly scorching now.

She studied his face as his features relaxed and his breathing evened out, falling asleep in just a few minutes as she carded through his hair. He had several ragged scars that were deep, cutting across his face from one side to the other, smaller scars that were faded into his skin peppered his cheeks and neck. She noticed one that ran through his lips and smiled to herself, knowing that it certainly hadn't made a difference when his mouth was on hers.

"There isn't a gentle way to put this, but your heart rate just increased, are you okay?" Remus mumbled, one eye opening to peek up at her.

"You can hear my heart rate?" Hermione asked, intrigued.

"This close to the moon, there isn't much that I can't hear," Remus said, groaning as he pushed himself upright, reaching for his mug of tea.

"You can sleep if you need to," Hermione said, grabbing her mug as well. "I don't mind."

Remus shook his head, "I need to stay awake, that way Moony will be exhausted too. With any luck, he'll sleep most of the night and I'll have a decent day tomorrow."

Hermione frowned again, pulling her feet up and tucking her legs under herself as she turned to look at him, "I'm sorry you have to go through this every month. Is there nothing you can do?"

He shook his head, sipping at his tea. "No, unfortunately, this is how it goes."

Hermione felt frustrated for Remus. Wolfsbane hadn't been invented yet, if she remembered correctly, Damocles Belby patented the potion in 1984, so Remus would have at least four more years to suffer before it was even on the market. And then, it was so damned expensive there was no way he could possibly afford it! Again, she was kicking herself for not taking the time to figure out the brew years ago, it would certainly come in handy now.

"You've gone running a lot this week," Hermione pointed out. "Sirius said you do that in months that it's particularly bad. Is there something bothering you?"

Remus shook his head, but she noticed the slight blush that creeped into his face as he shifted away from her a bit, bringing his mug up to his lips, "Moony is just feeling frustrated," he said, speaking into the mug.

Hermione hummed, sipping her tea as she tried to figure out something that would help. She didn't want to give him the calming draughts if he was trying to stay awake, that would most certainly exacerbate his sleepy state. She could maybe pull together a muscle strengthening potion and a pepper up? She rested her elbows on her knees, setting her mug on the coffee table before propping her chin on her fist as she tried to think of something that would help.

For a few minutes, she sat lost in thought, cataloguing Remus' symptoms with the potions she had on hand that could help, trying to figure out the best combination. She was brought out of her train of thought when she felt his hand on her shoulder, gripping it lightly as he tried to get her to turn to face him. When she did, she was surprised by his lips pressing roughly against hers.

This kiss was very different from any of the others they had shared. Instead of the slow, tender kisses she had been getting from him, this one was forceful and needy. He almost instantly swiped his tongue against her lips, asking for entry, to which she obliged. The movement of his mouth against hers was bruising and hungry as he pulled her bottom lip between his teeth before sucking on it lightly. His hands came up to bury into her hair, tugging lightly on her scalp as he broke away from her mouth, nipping and sucking his way across her jaw line and down her neck.

He stopped at her pulsepoint, sucking gently at it before grazing his teeth over the skin. Hermione moaned, turning a bit to pull him over her. She laid back against the cushions, Remus wedged between her thighs, propped up on his elbows as he lavished her throat with kisses and love bites. Hermione dragged her nails up his sides and around his back, feeling him shiver as she sank them into his hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer to her.

Remus pressed his lips into hers again and Hermione's hips rolled upward of their own accord, pulling a groan from his throat as she pressed against the stiffness in his trousers. Suddenly, it hit her like a ton of bricks… Remus had said before that Moony had a lot of aggressive energy that needed to be expelled before the full moon, or else it would be a difficult transformation. He looked terrible this month, and this was the first moon since they had become… Whatever it was they were.

Hermione had the sneaking suspicion that this wasn't normal frustration Moony, or Remus for that matter, was feeling this month. And judging by the way Remus hips rutted against hers when she rolled up to meet him, she was right. Hermione scraped her nails up and down Remus' sides a few more times, revelling in the low, almost growling, sound it pulled from him. She sighed into his mouth as one of his overly warm hands found the hem of her top, pushing it up to feel the skin beneath it. His hand sliding up the flat of her stomach to rest just below her bra, his thumb slipping under the cup to brush the underside of her breast.

She trailed her hands back down his sides and around the front of him, resting against the button on the waistband. Her hand sank down, over top the fabric, and rubbed his length through his trousers. Remus made that growling sound again and Hermione swore that it would be her undoing if he kept that up. His hand slipped completely under the cup of her bra now, palming her breast in his hand. She arched her back into him, wanting to be closer, wanting more. She rested her hand on the button of his trousers again, this time pushing it through the loop and pulling the zipper down.

Suddenly, Remus stilled above her, pulling his hand out from under her shirt and sitting up at a lightning fast pace. He scooted to the other end of the sofa, looking at her with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry!" Hermione said instantly, sitting up and shoving her hair out of her face, "I'm sorry Remus I should have-

"No," he said, shaking his head. "No, it's not.. It's not you. I just… I haven't done… I erm… Not this close to the moon, Hermione. I'm sorry. I can't… I shouldn't have…"

"Remus, look at me."

His eyes locked onto hers, they were almost completely gold and blazing with desire. She could tell it was killing him to stop her, to move away and not take it any further.

"It's okay," Hermione said. "If you aren't ready, I understand. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do with me, okay?"

"It's not that I… Because I do. I really, really do. I erm…Shit, I just... It's just, it's a lot. Just right now, with the moon… I erm… It's just… I can't. I should go, actually. I'm going to go for a run before we leave," Remus said, getting to his feet and buttoning his trousers. "I'm sorry, Hermione. Thanks for the tea."

Without another word, Remus bolted out the front door.

When Lily arrived around eight that night, Hermione had managed to get little to no brewing done. She had been so flustered by Remus' abrupt departure, that she decided she needed to occupy her mind elsewhere. She sat at the kitchen table, flipping through the slim leather journal that Dolohov had written his curses in, trying to find any type of information that could be helpful.

She had thought about letting the order look through the notebook, to show them the types of curses that were being used and what to expect, but even the thought of it made her wrist ache. They already knew about the Dementor's curse, so that couldn't have been what triggered her vow to remind her to hold her tongue… With her mouth twisted off to the side in thought, she read one particular curse that piqued her interest above the others.

It wasn't damaging, in the way the others were, it wasn't outright gory or terrifying. Instead, it claimed to focus on intensifying someone's weaknesses as a form of control. It wasn't unlike the Imperius, in the sense that it weakened someone's will to the point of complete manipulation. It looked as if it were, essentially, fear itself— in the form of an incantation and a few complicated wand movements.

All the time she had spent going over the journal, and always skipping past this curse. But for some reason, it felt important now.

"Hermione?" Lily called from the living room, "Sorry I'm late!" Lily walked into the kitchen, her smile dropping quickly when she looked at Hermione, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Hermione said, quickly closing the journal.

"I don't believe you," Lily said.

Hermione sighed, "I'm not sure I can talk about it."

Lily hummed in understanding, taking a seat next to her. "I'm sorry," she said. "It must be hard to not be able to talk about what's on your mind."

Hermione shrugged, opening her potion recipe journal and flipping through it, "It's not as bad as I thought it would be."

Lily grabbed Hermione's hand, giving it a light squeeze before smiling brightly, "Molly had the baby today!"

Hermione nearly choked on the breath she was taking, "W-what?"

"Another boy, poor thing, she was so upset. They named him Ronald Bilius, after-

"Her uncle," Hermione whispered.

Lily's face lit up as she nodded, "Yeah. How'd you… Oh my god. You… You know him, don't you?"

Hermione nodded, not offering any further information.

"How do you know him? Were you in the same house at Hogwarts? What's he like? Oh my god! Do you know all the Weasley boys, then?" Lily asked, excitedly.

"Lily, you know I can't…" Hermione answered, sadly.

She wanted to tell Lily all about them. Wanted to talk about the Weasley's and tell her everything she could think of to tell her. She missed them, and it was easier to talk about them than to pretend they didn't exist. But the risk was too high. Their roles in the future were too important, and if Lily accidentally let something slip…

"I'm sorry," Hermione said. "I wish I could tell you everything about them. They're good men though, all of them."

Lily gave a watery smile, swiping at her eyes as she nodded, "Damn pregnancy hormones! I've been crying non stop lately! Let's brew some potions, yeah? Take our minds off of it."

Hermione nodded, giving Lily a thankful smile as they got up from the table to collect the ingredients they would need.

A few hours into brewing, after answering a ridiculous amount of embarrassing questions about Remus and his kissing abilities, Hermione and Lily fell into a lull of conversation. They quietly worked around one another as they adjusted their potions, occasionally making a sound of approval or, in Lily's case, biting back a gag at the coppery smell of the blood replenishers.

As Hermione bottled the potions and Lily cleaned the cauldrons to start on the next batch, a name surfaced in Hermione's mind and she stilled. Peter Pettigrew. She corked the bottle she filled and stared at it intently for what felt like an hour, trying to figure out why her mind would supply her the name. She had no real feelings toward Peter one way or another, she had a strange gut feeling that told her she didn't like him, but he wasn't unpleasant to be around.

She had only met him a few times, spending only hours in his company, but during that time she felt an inexplicable irritation toward the man. Back in December, she knew that whatever had happened involving him must have been big, otherwise she would remember something, but now her mind was supplying her with the name and she couldn't stop thinking about the curse she had studied earlier in Dolohov's journal.

Was it connected? Would Peter Pettigrew have information on this curse? On all of the curses?

"Hermione?" Lily asked, touching her forearm. "Are you all right?"

Hermione shook her head, locking away that train of thought for later, "I'm fine. Sorry, just thinking."

The next morning, Hermione rose earlier than usual. She dressed quickly and pulled her hair back in an elastic before shrugging into her cloak and slipping on her trainers. She grabbed her wand, the potions and healing salves for Remus, and some chocolate and headed over to Lily and James' place. When she pushed open the door, as quietly as possible, she was surprised to see Sirius was still awake, sipping on a steaming mug in the living room, a muggle magazine in hand.

"Wondered when you'd be over," he said, his voice gruff. "Came earlier than I thought you would."

"Is that so?" she asked, hanging her cloak on the hook and slipping off her shoes.

Sirius hummed, "It was a rough one, this month. He's beat up pretty badly."

Hermione frowned, "What happened?"

"Dunno," Sirius shrugged. "Moony was really agitated though. James had to intercept him a few times…" Sirius trailed off, standing up to lift his shirt, showing Hermione his ribs. They were bruised and bloodied.

Hermione gasped, "Remus didn't-

"No," Sirius said, shaking his head. "No, he didn't bite me. I'm fine, just got thrown around a little. He's going to need more healing than I know how to do, James and I tried to heal what we could, but neither of us have ever been very skilled there. Lily usually would, but she gets queasy so easily, James thought it best not to ask."

Hermione nodded, pulling the potions and salve out, along with her wand and the chocolate. Sirius disappeared momentarily, coming back with a small bin of supplies. Clean bandaging and a few topical pain potions along with extra blood replenish potions.

"It was this bad?" Hermione asked, frowning as she took the bin of supplies from Sirius. Her heart seemed to fall into her stomach at the pained look on Sirius' face.

"James gave him a blood replenisher already, about an hour ago, as soon as we got in. You know James' form is a stag," he waited for Hermione's confirmation, which she gave in a sharp nod. "Well, his antler caught Remus through the shoulder. Clean through, it wasn't… It isn't pretty."

"I'll do what I can," Hermione said.

She deposited the items she had brought with her into the bin, and quickly stepped to Remus' room. She knocked lightly on the door, hearing nothing but a strangled groan of pain on the other side. She swallowed the lump in her throat and pushed open the door, slipping in and closing it behind her. When she turned to look at the bed, she nearly dropped the bin.

Remus laid on top of the blankets, clad only in a tattered pair of trousers. His chest was covered in deep cuts, a hole in his right shoulder, no doubt from Prongs, and he was caked with blood and dirt. The wound on his shoulder was still seeping blood onto his blanket, a dark bruise beginning to cover his entire shoulder. His face was swollen with small cuts and bruises.

"Remus," Hermione breathed, one hand shooting up to cover her mouth as her jaw dropped open. "Oh my God!"

She stepped quickly to the bed, brandishing her wand and checking his vitals, a motion she hadn't done in many weeks. He seemed to be okay, his blood pressure and heart rate a little low but that could be explained by the blood loss.

"Moony had a... terrible fucking night," Remus whispered, his face twisted in pain.

"I can see that," Hermione answered, "This is going to be uncomfortable, I'm sorry…"

Hermione cast a few cleaning charms, not loving how rough they would be on him, but it was the quickest way to clean him up so she could assess the damage. She rifled through the bin, pulling out a bottle of Dittany and putting several drops of it into the wound on Remus' shoulder, causing him to hiss in pain. She whispered apologies as she continued to cover the worst of his wounds in the Dittany.

"Have you taken a pain potion yet?" she asked.

"Yeah, when we got home, for all the good it did."

She wasn't completely sure how safe it would be to give him another, more potent potion, but judging by how quickly werewolves metabolized nutrients and how much pain he was still in, she made the call and uncorked one of her special brew pain potions.

"Open up," she said, pressing the phial to his lips. When he did, she emptied the contents into his mouth, "I know it tastes dreadful, but it'll help."

Remus swallowed the potion with a grimace, "You don't have to do this, Hermione."

Hermione snorted out a humorless laugh, "And what? Leave you here in pain and bleeding on your bed? No, I think not. Can you roll toward me?"

He groaned as he rolled, a quiet string of Welsh and English swear words coming from his lips. Hermione opened the tin of healing salve, massaging it into his shoulder blade before grabbing the clean bandages and helping Remus sit up so she could properly wrap his shoulder. When she was done, she helped him lie flat on his back so she could begin healing the cuts and scrapes that peppered his chest.

"You can't remember anything?" Hermione asked, more out of curiosity than anything.

"Not a damn thing," Remus mumbled. "We went to the Shrieking Shack, the moon rose and that's it. Woke up and I was outside, covered in blood and couldn't move."

"You transform at the Shrieking Shack?" she asked.

"I don't have anywhere else to do it," Remus explained.

Hermione frowned, wondering if she could reinforce her cellar to be a suitable place for him to transform. Although, Moony would more than likely not appreciate being locked inside a room. Again, Hermione felt the frustration of never learning how to brew Wolfsbane. She would figure something out, she had to.

Once Hermione got Remus cleaned up and healed to the best of her ability, she urged him to go to sleep. He would need the rest for his shoulder to repair properly, and Merlin knows after a normal transformation, the man was completely exhausted. She moved from where she was perched on the edge of the bed, getting ready to step out of the room and see if Sirius wanted her to heal his injuries as well. Before she could step away Remus reached out, wrapping his fingers around hers.

"Stay," he whispered.

Hermione turned back around and looked at him, battered and bruised on his bed, and nodded. She pulled back the blankets, helping Remus to maneuver himself under them and slipped in next to him. She laid on her side, propped up on her elbow, Remus' hand still wrapped around hers, resting in the center of his chest. His eyes quickly became heavy, he mumbled a few incoherent words before finally drifting off to sleep.

She laid with him, watching his chest rise and fall, tracing the dozens of scars with the tips of her fingers. Hermione had never seen him without a shirt or a jumper of some type, often he wore both. The scars in his torso cut criss-cross patterns into his flesh, a myriad of raised silvery-pink strips of flesh carving into his pale skin. Her eyes lingered on a particularly nasty scar on his side, above his hips, the bite mark that turned him.

Once his breathing was even and slow, she peeled herself from the bed, careful not to disturb Remus and scribbled a note on a scrap of parchment, leaving a pain potion and a chocolate bar.

I get by with a little help from my friends.

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a/n: Hey all, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! As always, alpha love to Mayghaen17, without whom my story would be garbage and no one would read it.

Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts! Friendly reminder, I have a FB group as well! Mimifreed Writing, so come check it out and hang out with me :)

xo

mimi