"What will you do?"
Nallui had moved forward to intervene, almost as though it was her body's natural instinct and Killua shot his head her way, eyes wide and desperate.
"Onee-san, please don't," he practically begged, needing her to understand just why she couldn't stop this. Why he couldn't let her get involved and end up dead.
All because of him. Especially not for him.
"Do you want this?" she asked, like it was as easy as saying yes or no.
As though this life or death situation could be solved simply by choosing correctly.
And so her question went ignored – he had no discernible answer to give her.
Sometimes, Killua felt like he was the older sibling between them both. Despite her maturity and proficiency in almost everything, Nallui was remarkably naïve when it came to her emotions.
Perhaps naïve isn't the right word. More like apathetic. Passive.
Willing to throw away things like morality and guilt.
Especially when it came to him.
Use me, Killu. The mantra was like a sirens call that refused to pause for even a moment within his head.
Drowning in the mixed emotions he always felt when hearing her whisper such promises into his ear – the dark pleasure he took in knowing that despite the bond Nallui and Illumi shared, she'd still pick him over anybody else. The purring deep within that took joy in her obsession, that thrived on her infatuation –
He'd tried forgetting the improper thoughts he'd had when he was younger, that still sometimes crawled their way from the deepest recesses of his mind and tortured him with fantasies – unwilling to ever be anything like Illumi.
He refused to be so depraved.
Secluded atop of Kukuroo mountain, with only family as company and a childhood of torture in the name of training, it was all too easy for impurity to fester. Almost encouraged by parental figures who were all too happy to give the heir whatever it was he wanted if it would help him succumb to his darkness.
Killua was desperate to escape that – determined to see the outside world in an effort to never let it happen.
He wouldn't – couldn't ever – end up like Illumi, but as his brother continued to speak, whispering darkness into his mind, he realised that he'd never escape.
It was futile to even try.
"You love her just as I do," Illumi said with the barest hints of implication within his voice. "You won't let her endanger herself despite knowing it's the only way to stop me."
Horror shone within blue eyes as his surroundings seemed to come crashing down around him. He attempted to open his mouth to refute his brother's claims, tell him how stupid he was, how that wasn't true – how he would never fall so low as to love their sister in any other way than he should –
How he didn't sometimes imagine killing his eldest brother with his bare hands for entrapping their sister into a bond she'd never escape…
…couldn't escape, just like him.
Nallui would never leave their family's clawing hands and it gave him nightmares because no matter how many times he told himself he would help her, make something of himself and take care of her and his other siblings, he continued to fail in every aspect.
After all, he'd still fell for the basic trap, succumbed to the weakness of every child; the promise of protection by someone you respected. Someone you knew would shelter you. Care for you.
Despite his mental proclamations and haughty ambitions, Killua was still nought but a child.
He'd still fell for her honeyed words and –
Use me, Killu.
-used her.
"What will you do, Killu?"
A step closer – He couldn't beat him. Couldn't ever hope of beating his brother.
"Tell me."
A single hand outreached towards him – Without Nallu he was useless.
"Choose."
Darkness looming closer and closer, enclosing itself around him and Killua, like always, chose to run away from his problems. Just like running away from his home and his twisted fantasies and just like right now where he felt like the air within the room was thinning because he couldn't breathe –
…"I give up."
There was a poignant silent within the room at his whispered words. A silence that was almost louder than if a chorus of shouting and heckles had erupted.
Killua stood there amidst it all, silent and unmoving.
The silence was only broken by a single clap, a melodic chuckle that belied the true monster beneath rang out in morbid glee.
"Very good, Killu! You made the right choice," Illumi congratulated his little brother, moving forward to pet the soft locks in a disturbed scene of brotherly love.
Illumi moved his face just an inch closer to Killua's, staring into dead-blue eyes. "Killers don't need friends. We don't need friends. You have family, that's enough."
His final words were whispered so quietly, so deceptively soft that they were as though a shared secret between them both, in contrary to the steely threat that was hidden beneath them.
Zoldyck's don't need friends. Friends are distractions and distractions are eliminated.
The sordid truth of the matter slowly sank into Killua, seeping beneath his skin and taking route there with a fervid permanence. Not that it was much of a struggle – such things were never difficult when they preyed upon already existing insecurities.
Killua had always felt himself unworthy of friends. To accept the concept now was of little difficulty.
Though, the ache still remained.
What happened afterwards was simply a blur for the boy.
A mixture of confused questions by people he could not identify with, whose emotions were beyond his comprehension – a soft touch to his head, one much more appreciated than his brother's steely grip, the faint scent of flora that his subconscious reminded him of his sister – and a world covered in red, red, red.
Sharp claws tearing through delicate flesh and red splattering against a porcelain cheek. His feet moving of their own accord and the distant sound of a female voice calling his name – Killu, Killu, Killu! – and yet his body moved on its own, down a route he knew all-too-well, simply following his previous footsteps, retreating the way he had come.
Killua had escaped home in a fervency of chaos and panic – a boy excited to explore the outside world.
Killua would return home in a melancholic silence – a boy broken by his inner demons.
"Are you going to explain what the point of that entire performance was?" were the first words Nallui spoke to her twin.
The tournament had ended quite succinctly after Killua's brutal actions, and while the girl had barely blinked at the death of Bodoro – people died every day, why would she expend energy when it didn't concern her own family? – she still didn't understand Illumi's approach to their little brother.
"I presume you won't listen if I said it didn't matter?" he asked, blandly.
Nallui rose a single brow, unwilling to even dignify that with a response. Illumi blinked, briefly cancelling the effect of those large, black eyes before speaking clearly so that no guilt could be mistaken in his words.
"Father asked me to bring him home, and so I reminded him of his place. He could not be seen wandering around however he wished."
"I know you could care less what Father asks of you, Illu-ni," Nallui pointed out the contradiction in his answer. "Do not test me."
Barely reacting to her words bar the slightest twitch of a high-arched brow, Illumi kept his mouth closed, clearly unwilling to share his thoughts. Narrowing her stare, Nallui felt the first stirrings of annoyance creep in.
She had been perfectly polite and patient as an observer to their conversation, allowing them both the chance to settle their differences between them. She had even offered to intervene on her little brother's behalf, then proceeding to comply obediently when he'd told her no.
I have given you both the opportunity to settle this as family-rules dictate.
"If Killu is gone, then I have no other reason to stay here," she simply said, letting her brother interpret that however he wished.
Illumi opened his mouth to reply, but before the words could escape, he was interrupted by the loud booming of a door banging open.
As one, the remaining contestants turned their heads to the back of the room, where the sight of a boy clad in a green uniform stood, an angered expression on his face. One of his arms was tied up into a makeshift sling while a plaster was covering the wound on his forehead.
Nallui's head naturally cocked to the side, interested to see how this would proceed to play out.
Would the boy seek revenge for the duplicity on her part? Ask where his friend was? Or cower in the face of their looming intensity?
She certainly hoped it wasn't the last option. While Nallui didn't particularly wish to engage in a fight with the boy – or perhaps 'knock him when he was down' would be a better term? – she did realise that if Gon wished to seek out her little brother, then he would come to them, his siblings, for answers.
Gon walked down the stairs with confidence; looking for all the world like he hadn't just disrupted the lecture that was going on and instead only had eyes for the pair of twins sitting near the front. While Illumi was certainly his intended target – if the heated glare was any indication – the boy still greeted the girl first.
"Zurui."
The use of her faux name, more like a title, really, caught her attention and she blinked languidly in response, looking up at the boy from her seated position through half-lidded eyes; those of a fox.
"I don't believe we've been properly introduced. I'm Nallui, Killu's loving older sister."
"Loving family don't force their brother to kill," Gon snapped with a deep frown. It seemed like the actions of her twin had really run the boy ragged. The way his hands were clutched tightly into little balls was indicative of his anger.
A temper like that is dangerous…so fluid and ready to burst free; to drown everybody else around him while he selfishly rode the waves above.
…Nallui loved it.
It thrilled her, all of that contained rage into such a tiny little form. Could she coax it out of him, encourage him along this path? How would that affect her Killu; would it nurture the darkness she knew lived inside him?
"Perhaps we have different experiences of family," she said politely, a friendly grin plastered on her face.
"I want you to apologise to Killua," Gon finally settled on, diverting their conversation away from the topic of family and onto the main point of contention between them.
"Apologise? For what exactly?"
This wasn't Nallui speaking, but Illumi, who had finally turned his head to regard the small boy that stood before them so bravely.
"You don't even know what you did wrong?" Gon asked him in disbelief. "Then you don't deserve to be his brother."
"Deserve?" Illumi repeated, his voice that childlike tone that he used whenever he truly could not comprehend something; when the basic of human emotions were so alien him. "Must I earn the right to be considered family?"
Illumi's question seemed to stump the boy and the dark-haired Zoldyck carried on, further pushing his point. One of those large hands came to delicately cup Nallui's jaw, bringing her face toward him so that their eyes met; noses almost touching.
"Must we earn the right to call one another brother and sister?" he asked lowly. His words were spoken purringly. "Earn the right to call Killu ours?"
"Never," she spoke decisively, her eyes narrowing at just the thought of such an absurd concept existing. She was Killua's elder sister and always would be. Nothing could change that; nobody could.
Nobody would dare whilst I still live to crush them for even trying.
Quite suddenly, her brother's hand was ripped away from her face as Gon had taken a strong hold of it and used the momentum to lift the much older male into the air, dragging him away. Nallui blinked, surprised.
She watched his trajectory with faint amusement, as he fell back onto his feet with all the grace of a cat; light as a feather and without a single sound. Illumi remained unfazed, his expression blank as he stared down at the boy that still held his arm so tightly.
When Gon began tightening his hold, crushing Illumi's arm, Nallui sat still.
When her brother's arm made a low groan and snap, she still, remained seated.
When those around them began discussing – or more like arguing – over the logistics of what had happened, accusing Illumi of brainwashing their little brother and generally descending into a chaos of bickering between them of just who was deserving of being there – Nallui ignored it all.
However, when Gon began speaking, telling them that he didn't need any apology, and that instead, he would be going directly to save Killua; that he was going to never let them see him again; she snapped.
Reaching out a hand towards the boys exposed head, the powerful aura of killing intent overflowed around her; pouring out from where it had been previously bottled up so immaculately; leaking through to taint the entire room in an oozing aroma of bloodlust and murder.
With keen instincts, Gon managed to jump away from her reach at the last second, releasing Illumi's arm in the process as he watched her warily.
Nallui's eyes were shaded, deadened at the mere threat muttered through such naïve lips; her hair almost rose from the sheer power exhibited in her anger and when she spoke, the words were like ice caressing flushed skin.
"Keep him away from me?" the words grated along like nails upon a chalkboard. "You'll take Killu away? From me?"
Gon gulped, understandably alarmed by the sudden shift in the girl's temperament. Hazel eyes glanced at the male Zoldyck, who remained eerily calm; watching his sister's descent with obvious satisfaction burning from those dark eyes.
"I wouldn't shift your attention so easily, Gon-kun."
Her voice was whispered directly into his ear and the boy jumped in place, caught off guard at how quickly and silently she'd moved, now directly beside him. "You'll lose sight of the danger."
"Zurui- I mean, Nallui…you care about Killua, don't you?"
"He's my precious little brother," she answered, as though it explained everything. Which, to her, it did. Family was everything.
"And you want him to be happy, right?" Gon ventured slowly, starting to understand just how to deal with the girl when it came to the subject of his friend.
"I would flatten the entire world if it made him merely smile," she whispered, the words said so breathily it made goosebumps rise on Gon's arms.
He tried to ignore the eerie sensation and instead latched onto her fixation, using it to his advantage. He was only all-too-lucky that when it came to Killua, Nallui's keen awareness of manipulation loosened; her rigidity forgotten if it meant making her brother happy.
"Then don't you think being with his friends would make him the happiest?"
Her eyes narrowed, shrewd. "That would take him away from me," she pointed out. "If you try and take Killu away from me I'll kill you. I'll kill anybody that even thinks about separating us."
Gon didn't seem to shy away from her possessive tone and merely nodded his head, looking surprisingly pleased by her words.
"Good! Killua needs a big sister who will look out for him!" he said, his voice almost returning to its usual jovial tone. "If you promised to let him have fun then I'm sure Killua would love to stay with his Onee-san, too! After all, we're friends aren't we, Nallui-san?"
Silvery-white hair fell in shimmers down her back as she threw her head back and laughed; amused entirely by the boy's speech.
What a spectacle! This tiny little boy, so delicate I could snap his spine like a twig beneath my foot and yet he stands here, brazen and unafraid as he suggests we get along like friends.
Nallui licked her lips; a sudden intrigue developing within her, the spiralling sensation of greed and hunger forming within her gut. What a treat, indeed.
Coming down from her high and lowering herself so that her face was level with Gon's, Nallui brought the boy's face close to her own and pressed a kiss directly to the centre of his forehead, right above the plaster.
"I'll hold you to that, Gon-kun. For Killu's sake, I'll let you all live. Aren't I the best Onee-san?"
Gon, who at first was a little taken aback by the physical contact, quickly got over it and grinned widely, ignoring Illumi's looming presence behind him in favour of the saner-twin. Well, what he supposed could be classed 'sane'. He'd take the possessive yet loving sister over the psychotic brother.
"The best!" he agreed with the enthusiasm expected of him.
Their conversation was ultimately interrupted by Netero, who had been watching the entire drama unfold so far in silence, that bemused smile still plastered on his face. Now, however, he bored them with the details of their Hunter licences, the information of which Nallui blanked out, uninterested.
She'd only joined this exam to keep an eye on her little brother, and while the Hunter licence was certainly a bonus to have in her arsenal, that did not mean she engaged in any way with the conversation. Once that was over, the newly-titled Hunters all filed from the room.
Her twin had yet to say anything further on the matter and Nallui watched him through lowered-lashes, awaiting the confrontation she knew would arise. Gon had yet to finish speaking to his little group of friends and when the twins walked into a shaded area of the outside courtyard, she lost sight of his green uniform.
Her head hit stone as her body was pushed against the wall and while the action was sudden, the girl simply blinked languidly back at her brother, who stared at her from barely a centimetre away; faces flush. His fingers were tight around her throat but she felt no fear, only the stirrings of arousal.
He didn't seem to care for their leering observer, the magician hidden mostly by the shadows.
"You're going to let Killu leave," he accused lowly.
"It would make him happy."
"You will leave with him."
That seemed to be the real issue and now that he'd voiced it, the aura surrounding him darkened with anger and betrayal. Nallui's lashes fluttered and a pink tongue darted out to wet her lips.
She could almost taste his bloodlust.
"I'll never leave you."
"Liar."
"Killu can't leave for long," she argued softly; swallowing just to feel the grip on her throat tighten, sending a pleasant rush to her head. "He'll get a taste of the outside world and realise how fucked up Mother and Father are. In comparison, his precious Onee-san and Aniki will be infinitely preferable."
Illumi's eyes tightened and she knew he understood.
"Our family will remain? I will not allow you to escape me if you intend on never returning," he warned darkly. "I'll keep you by force if I have to. Do not test me, Nallu."
The fact that her brother had so little faith in her was something she couldn't allow and so she pushed up against his hold, letting his grip choke her in order to press their lips together; the taste of decadence and sin perfectly encapsulated in lips as red as rose petals.
Pulling back; hot breath fanning wet lips and identical eyes staring back at the other, she whispered so softly she would not be heard were they not so close.
"Living without you would be impossible, Illu. Akin to serving my time in purgatory and a life I will fight to avoid at any costs," she declared passionately. "Just as you would threaten to force me to stay by your side, I would do the same. If the thought of leaving my side in permanence even entered your mind, I would tie you up for my own pleasure for the rest of our lives."
She pressed their lips together once more; tongues melding in desperate fervency. "You are mine. Until we both perish on this earth and even beyond that. Mine."
A cough interrupted their rather intense discussion and both pairs of identical eyes turned to greet their intruder; looking down at Gon who was backed by both a wary Kurapika and Leorio. The last two especially were trying their hardest not to make their staring obvious, though Nallui could easily detect their discomfort with her and Illumi's blatant display of intimacy.
"Can we help you?"
"I want you to tell me where Killua is," despite speaking first, Gon's words were not directed at Nallui and instead, Illumi.
"Are you really going to take him away?" Illumi asked, the low purring of his voice had been replaced by his usual monotone. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"I don't care what you think!" Gon snapped. "He's my friend and I'm taking him with me!"
Rather than allow her possessive urges to take control again, Nallui stayed perfectly still as she listened to the boy's words, rationalising the pros of a situation like this.
Just as she'd told her brother earlier, if Killua were to leave their family home now and explore the world, would he not sooner see how much better life could be beyond the clawing hands of their mother and father?
Of course, what Nallui wanted most was to achieve her perfect family alongside her twin; to cultivate her siblings into the ideal world she'd envisioned, one where they could truly be proud of the Zoldyck name; where she would provide them with everything they wanted.
Where they would no longer be puppets for their parents or grandfather.
"Do they feel the same way?" Illumi asked, referring to the two shadows that stood behind the boy, almost protectively.
Leorio steeled his expression as he answered, "You can bet!"
Kurapika was much more reserved, yet his gaze flickered her way for a moment. "They're our friends," was his only reply, though the inclusion of herself did not go unnoticed.
Illumi's grip upon her neck had lessened as the conversation drew on, but at the blonde's attention it tightened considerably in his unconscious distaste. Nallui gave off no indication that her airway was being blocked, looking to the world perfectly serene.
In fact, she felt her stomach clench pleasantly at the sensation and thought that, perhaps, she would treat her brother to some alone time once they arrived home. For being so wonderfully accommodating to her whims and giving her so much attention recently.
Yes, I'll treat him well before I take a little trip with Killu; tide him over whilst I coax our little brother onto the right path.
"Fine," Illumi relented after staring momentarily into Nallui's eyes.
It was obvious the girl was to be going with them on their trip back home, and now that he'd gained his promise of her return, Illumi cared little for what else the trio did. He even released the tight grip upon her neck, letting his hand fall back to his side.
"Killu went back home; to Kukuroo Mountain. Our family lives at the very top."
"Kukuroo Mountain? Could you title it any more ominous?" Leorio muttered, scrunching up his face at the eery name.
"Got it, thanks." Gon said and before turning to leave, he directed his gaze to Nallui. "Are you coming too, Nallui-san?"
The girl grinned wide, sharp teeth on full display. "I suppose getting home the long way wouldn't be so bad," she mused, a finger to her lips. "I'll lead you to the gates, but how you get into our home from there will be up to you. How does that sound?"
Gon grinned, easy-going as always. "Great! Thanks!"
"How about you three wait for me by the courtyard? I'll speak to my brother and meet you in a short while."
Gon nodded with a large smile while Kurapika and Leorio merely nodded, the blonde's wary eyes glancing briefly Illumi's way. With that, the trio turned back and disappeared from sight of the twins.
"Is it alright for assassins to be so loose-lipped on their private lives?" Hisoka purred, revealing himself from within the shadows.
"It's not like it's secret or anything," Nallui said flippantly and Illumi hummed. "The locals all know where we live," he revealed.
Golden eyes moved to rest on the exposed bruise on Illumi's arm and the man hummed, confirming the magician's unspoken thoughts. "It's certainly broken."
His tone of voice was completely free from any pain or bother. Just like Nallui, Illumi barely felt anything anymore, with pain being one of the many positives to come from such naturally damaged nerves. Neither twin particularly felt much in regards to the external world, and it was only with each other that their bodies felt like they truly came alive.
"He certainly has potential…" Nallui mused, licking her lips at just the thought of such raw power being displayed; unleashed onto the world without constraints.
"Oya?" Hisoka whispered. His body moved like a wisp as he came to stand directly behind Nallui; who throughout the conversation with Gon had moved so that she was no longer pushed against the wall.
The heat from his body seeped into her skin. The arousal that he felt so strongly; so openly and without a trace of shame enveloped her and Illumi alike. The girl tipped her head back so that she could meet his golden gaze, their faces merely inches apart at his crowded proximity.
For once, Illumi said nothing against it.
"Koneko-chan, could it be you're anticipating his growth? Waiting for it to ripen before the picking?"
She rose a brow at his analogy; questioning whether she could relate to his words or not.
Did she wish to see Gon get stronger for the same reasons as Hisoka? Unlikely. The only people that interested her were Illumi and Killua, as well as the rest of her siblings. Anybody else was, while a passing fancy or intrigue, ultimately pawns. Replaceable and momentary.
What she did know, however…
"I want to see the effect he'll have on Killu."
"Oh?" Hisoka sounded intrigued, regardless of her disinterest in his own inclinations.
"They're already linked, I can see it. Whatever happens with Gon will directly involve Killu, ultimately shaping his way of viewing the world. I want to see that happen, I want to see him grow and shape and choose," as she spoke, a brightness entered her eyes. "Whether he's brought into the light or becomes slowly bathed in darkness…"
She took a breath, letting it out slowly as her mind spun with possibilities, every instance all the more interesting; lighting a fire within her, one she hadn't felt in so long.
"I want to watch it happen. I want to give him everything he wants, even if that's freedom from the restrictions of our family name."
"He'll change," the words were whispered into her ear, Illumi's deep, drawling tone warning her of the possible consequences of letting Killua free.
Sharp nails cupped her chin to tilt her face just right, so that the magician could also whisper into her other ear, his tone a crooning melody. "Precious otouto, becoming a man on his journey, hm?"
"He'll still be Killu and that's all I care about." Her voice was confident and firm. This was something she couldn't be moved on. "Whether he saves the world or drags it into hell; I'll stand by his side and comply with whatever he wishes."
A pink tongue darted from ruby lips to swipe at the wetness there; the thought of single-handedly crushing her little brother's enemies with her own hands, being commanded and used so thoroughly by his selfish desires sent a thrill throughout her.
"I can't wait to see how he turns out," she said, uncaring of just how psychotic her voice sounded as she whispered the words aloud.
thanks for being patient with the slow uploads - uni sucks x