A/N: I am so sorry that it's taken me so long to update, but today is the first day I've had off in nearly a month. Hope you enjoy! Thank you for sticking with me! Love you all so much!
According to the calculations of one Leroy Jethro Gibbs, it had been three days, sixteen hours, and thirty-seven seconds since Jennifer Morgan Shepard had last slept. He'd waited each night for her to come up to bed, even after hours spent working in his basement, and when she'd stayed in the living room, drinking endless cups of coffee, chasing it with bourbon, his anxiety had grown. She was blatantly ignoring the treatment plan of her psychiatrist, disregarding the advice of her worried friends, and making her fiancé go out of his mind with concern. She moved through her days on autopilot, not speaking unless she was spoken to, and it was beginning to concern even those who only knew her on a professional basis.
Gibbs had gone back and forth in his mind over whether or not to confront her, both wanting to help and not wanting to make the situation worse, and he was at his wits end. He'd tried each day to make her angry enough that she would snap, yell, cry...anything other than this strange silence, and when even that failed to work, he was forced to admit that this was out of his realm of control. He needed help, and since not even Ducky had been able to reach her, he was seeking it from an outside source.
While Jenny had been outside with Aries, Gibbs had rummaged through her purse until he'd found her phone, scrolling through it until he came across the number for Dr. Lentz. Just in time, he had scribbled it onto an old receipt, placing her phone back where he'd found it just as his front door opened, revealing a soaking wet redhead.
"Is it raining?" he asked, looking at her drenched clothing as though he couldn't see the water dripping from them.
She shrugged, not phased by his ridiculous question, and he frowned. Before, Jenny would have hit back with a scathingly sarcastic remark, and her indifference made him more than a little uneasy. She unhooked the leash from Aries' collar, hardly even noticing the puppy as he jumped up on her legs, desperate for her attention. He was persistent, following her to the steps, and when he began to whine softly, Gibbs frowned. It wasn't like her to ignore Aries, and as her foot hit the first step, the puppy whined louder.
"Aries, not now," she said quietly, shaking her head slowly.
He hopped up the steps after her, always leaving distance between them, and when he barked indignantly, she slammed her hand against the wall, finally turning to glare at him.
"Aries, shut up!"
Her voice was loud in the silence, causing Gibbs' head to snap up, and when the puppy scurried away from the sound, the former marine stood slowly.
"Jen, he's—"
"That goes for you, too, Jethro! Don't think I haven't noticed you deliberately trying to piss me off the past few days. Well, congratulations. I'm angry. Are you fucking happy now? Is this what you wanted?"
He shook his head, taking a step closer.
"No, this isn't what I wanted. I wanted you, Matthew, Aries and me to be a family, but that's not possible now. I know this is hard, I know that it hurts like no pain should ever have the right to. But you can't shut everyone out. That will only make it worse. You have to feel the pain, work through it, and try. You have to make an effort."
She whipped around, her hair hitting her in the face, and as she brushed it away angrily, he noticed the tears in her eyes.
"All I've done since Matthew stopped breathing is fucking try," her voice was quiet, shaking with rage, "It takes everything I have to get out of bed for work, to act like I actually give a damn about any of the pointless things I have to do every day. Forgive me if I don't know how to do this as well as you. This is my first time, you know."
The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and she knew they were a mistake as soon as they fell from her lips. Gibbs closed his eyes, shaking his head once before taking a deep breath, and she suddenly found that she couldn't stop trembling.
"Jethro, I—"
"I know. It's okay. I know what you meant. And you're right: maybe losing Kelly better prepared me for this. The only thing you have to compare it to is the death of your father. That's a hard one, but this is an entirely different kind of pain. And it's different for you than me. You carried Matthew, he was part of you for so long, and now that piece of you, of us, is gone."
Jenny didn't think she'd ever heard Gibbs speak so much in one breath in all the years she'd known him. That alone was enough to tell her just how much he'd endured during the past few weeks, and she made her way slowly down the steps, stopping when she was directly in front of him. The bourbon he'd been drinking was still sitting on the table, and as Jenny reached for it, he raised his eyebrow in question.
"Don't," she warned him, tipping it back quickly.
The liquid burned a path down her throat, but she didn't even flinch, placing the glass back on the table. He watched her carefully, trying to gauge the situation, and when her eyes locked onto his, the pain and exhaustion he saw reflected there made his heart break all over again.
"Why?" Jenny whispered, green eyes filled with tears, "Why did this happen? Everyone always says that there's a reason for everything, but I can't find one. There isn't a single goddamned reason I can think of for our baby to die!"
Gibbs didn't even hesitate before moving closer, gathering her into his arms, and holding her as tightly as he could. She clung to his shirt like it was the only thing keeping her upright, and he strongly suspected that it was.
"Shh..." his hand smoothed her hair, his lips pressed to her temple, "I know, Jen. I can't understand it, either. But, we have to keep going. That's why I've been trying to make you angry. Even for a brief moment, it brought you back. You were my Jen again, and I can't lose you, too. I love you too much to give up on this. But you have to meet me halfway."
He kissed her hair, pulling back to look into her eyes, and ran his fingers over her skin lightly.
"Please, Jen. Come back to me."
Burying her head in his chest, Jenny struggled to take a breath, the tightness in her lungs almost unbearable.
"It hurts so much, Jethro," she whispered desperately, "It even hurts to breathe."
Gibbs didn't think he'd ever heard a more accurate statement in his life.
As Gibbs stood alone in the elevator, he threw it into darkness, pulling out his phone. He began carefully dialing the number he'd written on the old receipt, and when he heard the familiar click, he ran his hand through his hair.
"Hello?"
"Is this Dr. Lentz?"
"Yes, how may I help you?"
"My name is Jethro Gibbs, my fiancée is one of your patients. We've met before."
"Yes, Agent Gibbs, of course I remember you. I haven't heard from Jenny in a week or so. Is everything alright?"
Gibbs sighed, shaking his head slowly.
"That's actually why I'm calling. She's not doing well at all, and I was wondering if you had any available appointments. She's not speaking unless she has to, or if she breaks down, she's not eating, she hasn't slept in four days, and she's been drinking like crazy. She's scaring me, and I don't know how to help her."
Dr. Lentz was silent for a moment, but Gibbs could still hear the faint shuffling of papers on the other end of the line.
"That's definitely cause for concern, Agent Gibbs. I know she's been having a difficult time following the loss, and you both have my deepest sympathies. I have an opening tomorrow at 1:30pm, would that work?"
Though he knew Jenny would likely be furious with him for going behind her back, Gibbs nodded, running his hand through his hair.
"Yeah. She won't be happy about it, but I'll get her there."
"Great. I'll see you tomorrow then. Have a good day."
"Thanks."
Hanging up the phone, Gibbs sighed again as he tried to wrap his head around what he'd done. He'd only been thinking of Jenny's best interests, but how in the world was he supposed to convince her to go to the appointment? And why did he feel so guilty?
From the moment that he walked into Jenny's office, Gibbs could immediately tell that something was different. The small space had been cleaned to perfection, each surface carefully wiped down, and even the window looked clearer. He scanned the room, searching for his favourite redhead, frowning when he didn't see her. The mystery was solved seconds later when she opened the door, her hands carrying at least twenty files in them.
"Jethro. What can I do for you?"
He stared at her, more than a little confused by her question, and he shook his head.
"Just wanted to see how you were," he replied slowly.
"Busy, but I'm fine. If you don't need anything else, then..."
As he watched her, Gibbs suddenly realised that she was in the midst of a manic episode, and while he was thankful that she wasn't despondent, he knew she would fall hard and fast once it was over. She wasn't happy per se, but there was a desperate energy to her movements, and it made him more than a little worried.
"Where's your medication?" he asked suddenly.
She waved away his question, searching for a pen as she began flipping through the first folder on her desk.
"Jethro, I'm fine. I just have a lot of work to catch up on."
He made his way closer to her desk, noticing that her hand was shaking as she held her pen, and he placed his hand on her wrist as she prepared to sign her name.
"Jenny. Stop. You have to take your medication. It's dangerous if you don't. You could cause permanent damage."
Pulling her hand free, Jenny shook her head, signing the report with hardly a glance. Her entire body was shaking, and when she stood abruptly, Gibbs frowned.
"Where are you going?"
"Coffee," she answered simply.
She swept from the room, leaving a very worried silver-haired agent staring after her, praying that the day would pass quickly. The appointment he'd scheduled couldn't come soon enough.
The ringing of his phone made Gibbs roll his eyes, and as he picked it up, the members of his team glanced up curiously. Their leader had been much more easily irritated over the past month, and though they completely understood why, it didn't make their work environment anymore pleasant. His hand slammed the receiver down as the call ended, causing McGee to jump, and Tony glanced at him curiously. Ziva remained silent, waiting for instructions, and he gave them all barely a look before he stood.
"Grab your gear. Got a case. Dead body in a back alley on Fifth Street."
He headed for the stairs, leaving them to look after him in quiet confusion, and after they heard the door to Jenny's office open, they all understood. Gibbs wasted no time in informing her of their cases now, given all that they'd endured during the past year, and Ziva found it strangely endearing that he always made sure to tell her where he would be at any given time. It was his way of easing the worry that always seemed to plague the older woman, and the Israeli smiled to herself as he began walking back down the stairs.
Her smile quickly dissolved into a frown of confusion when Ziva noticed the redhead following her boss, and she felt rather than saw Tony DiNozzo give her a look that seemed to ask if she'd seen what he had.
"Forget it, Jen. You're staying here."
"Excuse me? You can't tell me what I can and can't do in my own agency."
There was a moment of silence, emerald eyes locked on sapphire blue, each daring the other to back down, and when it was clear that neither was going to break, Gibbs finally sighed, nodding once. As they passed McGee's desk, Gibbs grabbed her by the wrist, halting her steps, his mouth close to her ear.
"This is a bad idea."
"I can't stay locked up in my office for the rest of my life, Jethro. I'm going crazy up there. Please, let it go."
"If you die out there, I'll kill you."
She gave him a soft smile as she pulled her arm out of his hold, and when they all piled into the elevator, Jenny reached for the keys, taking great satisfaction in the shock on Gibbs' face.
"I'll drive."
Tony DiNozzo didn't think, in all the years he'd known Leroy Jethro Gibbs, that he'd ever seen the team leader grip the handle of a car door so tightly. Jenny was driving at such a speed that it made Ziva's driving look tame, and as she took a turn extremely fast, Gibbs looked at her sharply.
"You trying to get us killed?"
"The last time I drove, you complained that it was too slow. Now it's too fast. Make up your mind, Jethro," she quipped.
The light in front of them changed to yellow, and when Jenny pressed harder on the gas pedal, Tony closed his eyes, preparing for the worst. He felt McGee stiffen beside him, and Gibbs gripped the door tighter.
"Jen, what the hell?!"
She didn't respond, coming to an abrupt stop at their destination, and Gibbs swore as his seat belt caught, cutting into his shoulder painfully. Ziva watched the redhead as she got out of the car, her confusion evident in her dark eyes. She'd never seen Jenny drive this recklessly, and though she knew that the older woman would never deliberately put them in danger, it made her uneasy. They followed her quickly, nearly running to keep up, and McGee glanced at Tony curiously.
"I still don't see how she walks like that in heels."
"Years of practice, McGee," Jenny called over her shoulder.
They came up on their body, and the sight was enough to make Jenny stop dead in her tracks, Gibbs colliding with her hard enough that he instinctively reached out to keep her from falling.
"What's wrong?"
She merely pointed, her other hand covering her mouth, and at first Gibbs worried that she was going to be sick. As the smell of decaying flesh hit him, he followed suit, trying to block out the nauseating scent. The body had been dismembered, arms and legs laying atop one another in an "X" formation, the severed head resting on top of them, the mouth slightly open. Jenny knelt down, examining the body closer, and when she closed her eyes, turning her head away, Gibbs frowned.
"What?"
"This is pure rage," she said quietly, "They shoved his genitals into his mouth."
McGee swore softly, shaking his head, and Ziva made her way closer, her eyes searching for anything that would give them an idea of their killer's identity.
"Don't get any ideas, Ziva," Tony said seriously.
"Don't tempt me, Tony."
"McGee, go ask around the area, see if anyone saw anything. DiNozzo, Ziva, you keep searching the alley for anything that we might have missed," Gibbs instructed, rolling his eyes at the banter between his agents.
Jenny couldn't tear her eyes away from the mangled corpse on the ground, and Gibbs laid his hand on her shoulder, trying to pull her farther down the alley. She allowed him to lead her closer to the street, and when he met her eyes, he frowned at the fury burning in her green eyes.
"What is it?"
"How could someone do something like this to another person? This was someone's son."
He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she was thinking of Matthew, and he brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
"Jenny, it—"
The high scream, belonging unmistakably to a child, made him stop, and the sound of gunshots nearby caused them both to freeze in fear. Jenny pulled away, running as quickly as she could towards the sound, and Gibbs reached for her arm.
"Jen."
His fingers brushed her jacket, not enough to stop her, Tony and Ziva swiftly approaching, and he took a step forward.
"Jenny, wait, you don't—Shepard!"
Tony had never heard Gibbs' voice sound so panicked before, and as they followed the redhead, Ziva shook her head. It took everything the two younger agents possessed to keep up with their fearless leader, even in her high heels, and when they finally located the source of the chaos, Tony's eyes widened. Ziva swore softly in Hebrew, and Gibbs instinctively grabbed Jenny to keep her in place.
Blood was spattered across the pavement, thick and dark, and kneeling in the middle of it all, his hands trying desperately to stop the flow, was Timothy McGee, his eyes filled with tears. The body of a tiny girl, no more than six or seven, was cradled in his arms, and he turned his frantic gaze on the agent standing in front of him. A young woman, barely twenty-six, was screaming, fighting against the onlookers who were holding her back in spite of her attempts to get to the child. Gibbs knew, as surely as he knew his own name, that this was the mother, and he wished there was something he could do to ease her suffering.
"Boss, I called an ambulance, but...we have to do something. What—what do I do?"
"Stay calm, McGee," Gibbs told him, taking a small step closer, "You're doing the right thing. Keep applying pressure."
He nodded, his hands shaking so badly that Ziva could see it from where she stood, and when Jenny moved to kneel next to the younger man, Gibbs shook his head.
"Jen—"
"Damn it, Gibbs, we have to try!" she fired back, her voice breaking.
Jenny's hands covered McGee's increasing the pressure in a vain attempt to stop the pouring blood, and as Gibbs glanced around, he frowned in confusion.
"Who fired the shot?"
"Guy was attempting to rob the store," McGee answered, his voice tight, "She was caught in the crossfire. Boss, I saw the gun, I should have—"
"It was an accident, McGee," Tony said, his own voice thick with suppressed tears.
The sound of approaching sirens made Ziva close her eyes in relief, and Gibbs nodded at her.
"Search the area. Check security footage, red light cameras, anything that will help us catch this guy. Take DiNozzo with you."
She nodded, and as they made their way across the street, Gibs struggled to think. He knew that he should be trying to think of a way to calm the child's mother, to keep the crowd at bay, but all he could do was stare at Jenny. Her entire body was shaking, her hair falling out of the ponytail she'd placed it in before they'd left the Navy Yard, and though she was doing her best to pretend like they weren't there, he could clearly see the tears shimmering in her eyes.
The ambulance came to a sudden stop, paradmedics rushing to the scene, and as the people stepped back to allow them closer, the young woman finally pushed her way through.
"Is my baby okay? Christina, can you hear me? Christie? Christie!"
Now, Gibbs did turn his attention to her, placing his hand on her shoulder, shocking her enough that she stood absolutely still.
"The medics are doing all they can. Try to stay calm, and just breathe."
She shook her head, tears streaming down her face.
"I can't lose my baby," she sobbed, trying to pull from his grasp.
"What's your name?"
"S-Sabrina. Please, I have to see her!"
"You will," Gibbs assured her, his voice calm in spite of the situation, "You can ride with her in the ambulance. Just try to breathe."
Sabrina nodded, taking a shaking breath, and as they placed her daughter inside the ambulance, she looked at both McGee and Jenny, her eyes still full of tears.
"Thank you. Both of you."
McGee nodded, and Jenny stood from where she'd been on the ground, her expression serious.
"You're welcome," she said quietly, "Go be with your daughter."
As the ambulance drove away, Gibbs watched the redhead seriously, his eyes never leaving her face. She'd turned deathly pale, her pupils dialated in fear, tears staining her skin as they fell from her eyes, and he laid his hand on her shoulder.
"Let's see if Ziva and DiNozzo found anything."
She nodded, and he turned his attention to McGee, noticing that he still hadn't moved.
"McGee."
Silence.
"Tim, let's go," Jenny murmured, so quietly that Gibbs almost missed it, "There's nothing else we can do here."
He stood slowly, his eyes haunted and empty, so closely mirroring Jenny's after Matthew's death that it made Gibbs uneasy. They silently made their way through the crowd, and as Tony came into his line of sight, the team leader struggled to keep his voice calm.
"Anything?"
"Security camera outside caught the shooting. Ziva's talking to the local LEOs now to track the guy. Couldn't have gotten far, McGee got him with a round to the leg. Nice shot by the way, Probie."
Tony finally turned his attention to the younger man, frowning at his lack of response.
"You okay, McGee?"
He didn't answer, and Gibbs shook his head minutely.
"Stick with Ziva. Call the minute you find something. Ducky's on his way to examine our body in the alley, should be there now. Catch a ride with him. We're heading back to write up McGee's statement."
"On it, boss."
He walked back up the street, and as Gibbs, Jenny, and McGee made their way to the car, Tony was suddenly very worried about the man he considered a close friend.
Unbelievably loud, the shots rang out around him, and without a moment's thought, he pulled out his gun firing two rounds of his own. As he heard the screams of the people on the street, he didn't stop to see if his shots had hit, turning his attention to the scene in front of him. The little girl was on the ground, surrounded by a pool of blood, and he immediately knelt down, pressing his hands over the wound. He knew, given the amount of blood pouring from the wound, that he needed to act fast, and he reached for his phone.
"What is your emergency?"
"I need an ambulance. A little girl has been shot. Please, hurry."
He gave his location, and as the dispatcher assured him that help would arrive soon, McGee hung up, pressing his hands harder into the woumd. The child hadn't moved, hadn't made a sound, and this more than anything told him that his attempts were useless. Still, he had to try. He heard the sound of someone screaming, but he did his best to ignore it, looking up as he heard the unmistakable click of heels. He could only think of one person who would be so close in heels, and he knew if she was here, so was Gibbs.
The team leader, the fearless leader, Senior Field Agent, and his favourite Israeli were standing just to his right, and McGee's eyes found the bright blue of Gibbs', trying to explain the situation quickly. As he continued to apply pressure to the wound, Jenny knelt down next to him, her hands covering his own. He looked at her, desperately searching her green eyes for guidance, and when he realised she was just as scared as he was, it made him feel slightly less inadequate. If even the fearless leader was frantic, maybe he wasn't doing as badly as he'd thought.
Jumping at the sudden contact on his skin, McGee glanced down to find the little girl holding his wrist in her bloodstained hand, her eyes on his, filled with tears. She opened her mouth to speak, and her voice made his blood run cold.
"Help me," she whispered.
Sarah. Her voice wasn't that of a little girl, but his precious little sister. The one person who had always stood beside him no matter what, the person he would give his life for without a second's thought.
"Tim, help me. Please. Don't let me die."
McGee's eyes flew open, his breathing fast and heavy, his body drenched with sweat, and he blinked in the darkness. Beside him, he felt Beth move, turning so she could see him, and when she noticed the way his breathing had changed, she frowned.
"Tim? What is it? What's wrong?"
He shook his head, not wanting her to worry, but when she raised up, he knew she wasn't buying any of it.
"Talk to me, baby. Was it about what happened today?"
McGee nodded, his eyes wide.
"She spoke to me. In my dream. But...she was Sarah. I tried to save her, Beth. I really tried, but...it wasn't enough. This is all my fault. I saw the gun, I should have done something."
Beth moved closer, pulling him into her arms, her fingers running through his hair slowly.
"You did, baby. You did everything you could. There's no one in the world who blames you. No one. I promise you, this wasn't your fault."
McGee shook his head, tears falling from his eyes rapidly.
"She was just a little girl. I was right there, I had time to stop it, but I didn't. And now her mother has to live with the loss of her daughter every day because I wasn't quick enough."
She'd never seen McGee break down like this before, and if she were being honest with herself, Beth was beginning to get scared. She didn't know how to help him, and she was terrified that she was going to make it worse. As she held him in her arms, she placed gentle kisses to his hair, trying to think of anything she could say to ease the pain, and the guilt that he had no reason to feel.
Moaning softly at the low vibration of her phone, Jenny cursed her body for not being able to sleep more heavily. She reached for the offending device, nearly dropping it in the darkness, and she frowned when she realised Gibbs wasn't in the bed next to her.
"Shepard," she answered, her voice thick with sleep.
"Jenny, I'm so sorry to bother you this late at night, but I really need to talk to you."
It took her almost a full minute to realise who was speaking to her, and Jenny raised up slowly, turning on the light. Aries opened his eyes at the brightness, looking at her as though she'd grievously offended him, and she shook her head in slight amusement.
"Beth? What's wrong?"
"It's Tim. He's panicking. He had a really bad nightmare about that shooting, and I can't get him to calm down. He's shaking, his words are running together, I keep trying to tell him that it wasn't his fault, but it's like he can't hear me. I'm really worried. What should I do?"
Running her hand through her tangled red hair, Jenny thought for a moment, closing her eyes tightly. She completely understood why McGee was having a difficult time with this, and she would be damned if she left Beth to handle it on her own.
"Bring him here. Jethro's still awake anyway, and I don't want you trying to deal with this alone. I'll give you the address, but whatever you do, make sure you're the one driving. He's in no condition to be behind the wheel."
"Jenny, are you—"
"Absolutely. This is going to get worse before it gets better, and he needs support right now."
She gave Beth the address to Gibbs' house, and as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, she shivered.
"Be careful on your way here."
"I will. Thanks, Jenny. You don't know how much I appreciate this."
After hanging up the phone and pulling on Gibbs' old Marines sweatshirt, Jenny searched the room for a pair of yoga pants, wanting to be as comfortable as possible. She walked quietly down the stairs, not wanting to wake Aries again, and when she found Gibbs in the kitchen, preparing a pot of coffee, she frowned.
"Jethro? What are you doing?"
"Coffee," he said, looking at her as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, "Couldn't sleep, and it's a bit chilly, so I thought I'd make some."
She made her way closer, placing her hand on his shoulder when she was near enough, and met his eyes carefully.
"Are you okay? I know today was rough."
He nodded.
"Yeah. Just wondering if that bastard is going to get off."
Jenny shook her head.
"She was a child, Jethro, close to Kelly's age. Don't tell me it hadn't occurred to you."
Gibbs looked down at her, noticing how his shirt hung on her thin frame, and he frowned. He hadn't realised just how much weight she'd lost over the course of the last month, but seeing it now was alarming.
"Yeah, I noticed. But I'm not going to break every time something like this happens, Jen. I'm not that fragile. You and I both know that sometimes, shitty things happen to good people, and no matter how much we try, we can't change that."
Jenny nodded, laying her head on his shoulder.
"Speaking of breaking down...McGee's falling apart. Beth just called me, she's driving him here. He shouldn't be alone tonight, and Beth doesn't have the experience yet to handle it."
Gibbs nodded, kissing her hair gently.
"You or me?"
"Let him decide," she answered quietly.
Wrapping his arm around her, Gibbs ran his free hand through her hair, causing her to look up at him. There was a torrent of emotions in her viridian eyes, each one passing so quickly that he could hardly keep up, and he leaned down to kiss her.
"I love you, Jen."
"I love you more."
He shook his head.
"I highly doubt it."
She smiled briefly, such an uncommon occurrence now that he was tempted to take a picture each time it happened, and shook her head.
"I don't mean that I love you more than you love me," she explained softly, "I mean that I love you more than every fight we've had, more than any pain we've gone through, more than anything the universe could ever throw at us. I love you more than life itself, and nothing will ever change that."
Holding her closer, Gibbs kissed her again, and when the soft knock at the door interrupted them, he gave her a smile.
"Right back at you, Jen."
They made their way into the living room, Jenny opening the door quickly, and when she saw the pair standing outside, she frowned. McGee was shaking so badly that she could see it even in the darkness, his eyes wide and unseeing, and Beth looked at Jenny seriously.
"I don't know what to do," she said quietly.
Jenny nodded almost imperceptibly, and Gibbs reached for McGee, his hand on the younger man's shoulder.
"Come on, McGee. It's cold out. Let's get you inside."
He led the agent into the living room, directing him to the couch, and when he sank down onto it, Beth looked between the three of them carefully.
"He keeps mentioning three seconds. I don't know what it means."
Jenny nodded, her eyes sad. She knew, just as Gibbs did, and it broke her heart to know that McGee had replayed the security footage enough to know the amount of time it had taken. Though they had agreed to let McGee decide who he wanted help from, it was clear that he was incapable of making any kind of decision at the moment, and Jenny looked at Gibbs seriously.
"Jethro, would you get Beth a cup of coffee?"
He met her eyes, silently asking her if she would be okay, and she nodded, giving him a sad smile. He led Beth into the kitchen, and when Jenny sat down on the couch next to the younger man, he didn't even seem to notice.
"McGee? Can you hear me?'
He nodded, but still said nothing, and Jenny moved slightly closer, just enough that her knee touched him. The warmth radiating from her body was enough to make him look at her, for the first time truly aware of her presence. He'd never seen her dressed so casually before, and it took him a few moments to genuinely recognise her.
"Director Shepard?"
"Jenny," she corrected softly.
He nodded, but still didn't speak, trying to sort through the chaos in his mind.
"What is it, McGee?" she asked gently.
"I wasn't fast enough," he whispered, "That little girl died because I wasn't fast enough. There were three seconds between when I saw the gun and when he fired."
Jenny looked at him seriously, her eyes concerned. Beth hadn't been exaggerating when she'd described how badly he was handling this.
"How many times did you watch that tape?" she asked, searching his eyes.
"122," he answered matter-of-factly, "But I didn't watch the whole tape. Just those three seconds. Do you know how many things you can do in three seconds? You can say the entire alphabet, take off your shoes, open six bottles of beer, and get entirely undressed in three seconds."
"McGee—"
"You can hold your finger down on the remote control and pass 17 stations in three seconds," he continued, as if she hadn't spoken, "You can open a can of tuna fish, shuffle and bridge a deck of cards in three seconds."
"McGee, stop."
"You can ring a doorbell 22 times, lock and unlock a deadbolt four times, and shoot someone in three seconds."
"Tim, please!"
Her voice was loud enough to make him stop, the tears in her tone making him look at her, and in the next room, Gibbs tensed, waiting to see if she would call for assistance. Jenny reached for his hand, for the first time touching him in a way that wasn't strictly professional, and he met her eyes slowly.
"It wasn't your fault, Tim. You did nothing wrong."
He shook his head, tears falling from his eyes.
"I had three seconds, Jenny," he whispered, his use of her first name betraying his anguish, "Three seconds that slipped through my fingers, where I could have done a thousand different things, but I didn't move."
She stood suddenly, causing him to frown, and she shook her head slowly.
"Stay here. I'll be right back."
Walking into the kitchen, she found Gibbs waiting for her, his expression serious.
"Jen?"
"Where's your bourbon?"
He frowned, still hesitant about allowing her access to the alcohol in the wake of Matthew's death, and he paused.
"Damn it, Jethro! Where is it?"
"Basement. Bottom shelf of the tool case, behind the wood stain."
She nodded, and when she swept from the room, he sighed, running his hand through his hair.
"Is everything okay?" Beth asked, taking a long drink from her coffee.
"Fine," he answered, knowing she didn't believe him.
He just hoped that Jenny would be able to control the amount of alcohol she consumed, not wanting her to overdo it in her grief. Between the two of them, there was only room for one alcoholic in this relationship.
Staring at the drink in Jenny's outstretched hand, McGee frowned, unsure of what he was supposed to do. Finally, he reached for it, taking a cautious drink, coughing as it burned down his throat. She smiled slightly, turning when she heard the soft click of Aries' nails on the steps, and McGee glanced at him quickly.
"Can I hold him?"
Jenny nodded, picking the puppy up and placing him into the younger man's lap. Aries licked the end of his nose, causing him to smile.
"He's cute."
"Yeah, he's sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane."
McGee drained the rest of the alcohol in the glass, holding his breath so as not to taste it, and when she offered him another, he shook his head.
"No, thanks. I don't drink much."
Jenny nodded, placing the bottle on the table, and though she was desperate for the taste of bourbon, she kept her hands in her lap. The younger agent had finally calmed somewhat, a result of the liquor in his veins, and when she looked at him, her eyes detected a welcome lack of shaking.
"Better?"
He nodded, glancing around the room curiously.
"Where's Beth?"
"With Gibbs in the kitchen. Would you like me to get her?"
"Please."
She stood up, making her way to the kitchen, and his soft voice made her pause.
"Jenny?"
She turned, her eyes meeting his slowly.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks. For everything."
"Anytime, Tim."
Hours after Beth and McGee had gone back to their apartment, Gibbs and Jenny were sitting on the couch, Aries sleeping quietly next to the redhead. She had curled her body as close to his as she possibly could, wrapped in a blanket, glass of bourbon in her shaking hand. To her credit, she'd only finished half of it in the course of an hour, and her eyes were already beginning to grow heavy. She carefully placed it on the table in front of her, laying her head on his shoulder, and Gibbs frowned as he looked down at her.
"You okay?"
She nodded, her eyes slipping closed, and he pulled her closer.
"Jen, you did great tonight. You helped McGee when no one else could. I'm so proud of you."
"He watched that tape 122 times, Jethro," she murmured, struggling to stay awake, "He blames himself, he's obsessing over it."
Gibbs nodded, kissing her hair as he took a slow drink of his bourbon.
"I know. He's a lot like you, Jen. Perfectionist, over-achiever, slightly neurotic, but you've both got good hearts, and you give everything you have to what you believe in."
"Slightly neurotic ?" Jenny repeated, raising her head just enough that she could see him.
"Only a lot," Gibbs laughed.
She was almost asleep now, and he shifted her out of his embrace just long enough that he could stand. Murmuring a slight protest, Jenny closed her eyes again, not even moving when he lifted her into his arms.
"Jethro?"
"Shh...sleep, Jen. We'll talk in the morning."
Her response was unintelligible, and he smiled slightly when she buried her head in his shoulder. He still had no idea how he was going to tell her about the appointment he'd scheduled with Dr. Lentz the next day, but he knew it was for the best. He couldn't risk her spiraling out of control, and if this was the only way he could help her, then so be it.
Though she was undeniably furious with Gibbs for going behind her back and calling her psychiatrist, Jenny knew he had only done so out of concern. As she sat in the small office, she couldn't ignore the way the doctor was looking at her, and it made her shake her head in annoyance.
"Is something wrong?"
Dr. Lentz shook his head.
"Just noticing that you seem a bit agitated today."
He looked pointedly at her foot, which hadn't stopped tapping since she'd taken her seat, and Jenny shook her head again, tossing her hair over her shoulder.
"I'm fine. I jut have a lot of energy today."
Dr. Lentz made a quick note on the file in front of him, and raise his eyebrow slightly.
"Right. And you just lost your son a month ago. Don't you find your current mood to be a bit odd, given that fact?"
She stared at him, her eyes glaring, and frowned.
"Now you're telling me how I should grieve the death of my child? That seems a bit out of line, even for a doctor."
Dr. Lentz quickly backtracked, not wanting to upset her, but still wanting her to understand.
"Not at all, Jenny. I'm simply saying that your behaviour is a bit unordinary. When Jethro called me, he gave me a brief description of how you'd been coping, and while it was alarming, it doesn't fit with the way you've been today. His description was what I would have expected of someone who'd just experienced a tragic loss, and I agreed to see you in an attempt to help you sort through those emotions. Your behaviour today...it doesn't add up. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
Jenny sighed, her foot still tapping on the floor, and she began twisting her hands in her lap, desperate to use some of her high energy.
"Jenny," he tried again, looking at her seriously, "Your agitation, being unable to sit still, your compulsion to get anything and everything accomplished in one day...all of this coincides with mania. Have you even stopped to consider that possibility?"
She didn't answer, her eyes darting around the room, and he frowned.
"Are you taking your medication?"
"I may have missed a few days, but it's okay."
"Is it? You're running on little to no sleep, drinking, you've just been through a tragic ordeal, and you haven't been taking the medication prescribed to manage your illness. You're in the middle of a manic episode, and when that crash finally comes, it's going to hit hard. If you don't start taking this seriously, you will end up in a hospital, and the damage could be irreversible. Do you understand how urgent this is?"
Jenny nodded, though he didn't believe her in the slightest, and he sighed, looking at her sadly.
"Is Jethro still in the waiting room?"
"Should be."
"Could you send him in and give us a moment, please?"
Nodding again, the redhead stood, opening the door, and when the silver-haired agent closed it behind her, he gave the doctor a confused look.
"She okay?"
"She isn't taking her medication, is she?" Dr. Lentz asked tiredly.
At the answering shake of his head, the doctor sighed, looking at him seriously.
"If she continues like this, she's going to end up in a hospital. Possibly for the rest of her life. I cannot stress enough how important it is for her to follow the treatment plan that's been laid out for her. If she can't be trusted to take the medication on her own, I'm going to have to ask that you monitor her and ensure that she does."
Gibbs frowned, his eyes betraying the depths of his confusion.
"It's that serious?"
"To put it bluntly, yes," Dr. Lentz replied, "Jenny's illness went undiagnosed for so long that it's already caused irreparable damage, and if left unchecked, it will only progress more. If she doesn't take her medication, she has a very high risk of being institutionalised. Or killing herself."
Gibbs shook his head.
"She wouldn't—"
"Wouldn't she? I know you've seen her depressive episodes. You know how bad they can get. What stopping her from deciding that the pain is too much and giving up? Or worse, when she's approaching a manic episode and has the motivation to carry out her suicidal plans? What happens if she's manic and drives her car into a building because she thinks she's invincible?"
Dr. Lentz met his bright blue eyes, his expression serious, and shook his head.
"I'm not trying to scare you, Jethro. I'm just preparing you for the possibility of an accidental or even intentional suicide if this continues. Jenny's a very intelligent woman, and most of the time, she is capable of rational decisions. But if she keeps ignoring it, she's going to either end up dead or locked away for the rest of her life. You have to talk to her. She trusts you, she'll listen to you. I'm just her doctor. You're the man she loves. Make her understand how serious this is. Please. I don't want to see her get worse."
Gibbs nodded, thanking the doctor quietly as he left the room, and when he found Jenny sitting on the couch in the waiting area, he struggled to return her smile. How in the world was he going to get through to her?
He didn't have the slightest fucking idea
A/N: I really am too mean to them...