Thanks for all the love! Hope you enjoy this chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.
April 25th: Tris
This morning, I wake up peacefully. Tobias and I stayed on FaceTime till about 1 am last night, just talking. Today's a Sunday, so I'm seeing him later and I couldn't be more excited. His cast is supposed to come off next week, though, so maybe we can actually do something after that. Obviously nothing too athletic, because he's still supposed to rest his leg. Still, I'm eager to see him today. He can't drive yet, but he told me he could get his own ride over to my house and for me not to worry. We haven't gotten to spend a whole lot of time these past couple weeks besides studying together and hanging out for a bit after school because of spring midterms.
A glance at the clock lets me know that it's 8 am, and I'm surprised that no one in my family has come inside to wake me yet. Once I get out of bed, I glance at myself in the mirror.
I'm dressed down in my comfy purple pajamas with sheep and crescent moons on the pants. I toss my hair up into a messy bun, and exit my room, making my way down the long hallway towards Caleb's.
Once I knock twice on the door, I hear the pad of his footsteps before the door swings open. My twin brother is a full head taller than me, almost as tall as Tobias, and he looks hilarious in the same pajamas that I'm wearing, except they cut off around his midcalves.
"Hi," he says, his normally perfectly combed hair tousled from his bedhead.
"Happy Birthday, Caleb," I say, enveloping him in a huge hug.
"Happy Birthday, Beatrice," he says, returning the embrace.
Caleb and I have kept up the tradition of wearing matching pajamas on our birthdays since we were children. It was obviously Natalie's idea, and we keep doing it for her, but there's a part of me that loves it as well. It helps me feel connected to my twin. The last time we replaced our pajama sets was when we were 13, and mine still fit me pretty well as I haven't really grown since then. Caleb, however, hit his growth spurt right after that, so they look like capri pants on him.
"Should we go face the wolves?" I ask teasingly.
He rolls his eyes, "Yeah, let's go. I swear to God, if they pull that jump scare shit again…"
"Oh, God, I hope not," I tell him, horrified.
It's no secret that birthday's here are no joke. And with that comes terrifying birthday pranks. There's the yearly one that we all like to play on Ezra… but he's Ezra so he can handle it. For me and Caleb's birthday, our family takes a great liking to scaring the living daylights out of us. I personally think we're getting a bit too old for that now, but it doesn't stop me from glancing around cautiously as Caleb and I creep down the stairs.
I enter the dining room with my eyes screwed shut, fully expecting to be terrorized, but to my surprise, nothing happens. When I open my eyes, my entire family is gathered around the table, looking up at us innocently.
Caleb and I exchange a look of relief, but I still feel wary.
"Happy Birthday, children," my mother says, getting up from her seat and giving each of us a kiss on the cheek.
The seating arrangements of the table have been changed today so that Caleb and I sit on each head. There are 2 gigantic platters of our birthday breakfasts laid out on those spots, and my stomach grumbles at the sight.
"Thanks mom," I say, hugging her after Caleb does the same.
On our way to sit down, dad gives me a kiss on the top of my head and ruffles Caleb's hair, and our siblings ambush all of us. I smile at my youngest brothers hugging my legs and attaching themselves to me. Even Owen and Nathan are being… oddly sweet to me. I know that it's my birthday, but they're never this amicable. Nathan even pulls my chair out for me as I sit down.
The breakfast platter looks amazing, two large smiley face pancakes with lots of whipped cream and syrup on them, two sunny side up eggs, lots of sausages, and then some assorted fruits. I see the rest of my family serving themselves their own food too, but it's obvious they gave Caleb and I the best sort.
There's no butter on my pancakes, so I reach over to the silver butter tin. I unscrew the lid, and am bringing my knife into it, when I let out a large scream and toss it across the table.
My family looks up at me in alarm, though I see some smirks on my brother's faces, and I know that they're responsible for this.
"What… the… hell?" I seethe. Caleb gives me a questioning look.
"Something wrong?" Ezra asks me innocently, pouring syrup over his pancakes.
Owen grins, grabbing the butter tin and shaking it's contents out. I shiver at the sight of it, and Caleb's mouth falls open. They replaced the butter with fake spiders, and not the typical plastic toy ones, no, incredibly lifelike ones that are the size of Anna's palm. A tremor runs down my spine at the sight of them, and I glower as I see that Nathan is holding up his phone to film me.
"Really? I would have preferred if you guys just scared us."
"Oh, but this was fun," Carson says with a devilish grin.
Great, even the youngest ones are getting roped into it.
"I'm scared to eat now," I admit, glancing down at my food. What else did they put in here? A real spider? No, Natalie wouldn't let them go that far… would she?
"Me too," Caleb says with distaste.
"We have no problem taking your food off of your hands then," Owen muses.
I raise a pointed eyebrow. Is he bluffing? Probably not. Owen doesn't joke about food. Caleb and I exchange silent words across the table (it's a twin thing) until I decide to be the braver of the two of us and take a bite from my pancakes. Oh my, they are heavenly.
That doesn't mean that they didn't hide any more surprises in the rest of the food, though, but I feel less wary now. Meanwhile, my mom is taking photographs of all of this, commemorating everything while I look god awful. I swear, if she tries to show Tobias any of these photos when he comes by later today…
After a few minutes of quiet eating with some chatter amongst my siblings, I am startled by Caleb instantly springing up from his chair, looking at his food in shock like it just offended him greatly. My brothers don't hold back their reaction this time, and Ezra even falls out of his chair from laughing so hard.
"What'd they do?" I ask Caleb.
He still has that panicked look on his face as he walks up to his food warily and plucks something from it. My mouth falls open in disgust when I realize what it is and even my parents look rather shocked. Clearly they were not expecting this part of the prank.
"Is that real?" I ask.
"Yup," all my brothers say. Even the youngest 3, Chase, Carson, and Oliver, have wide smiles on their faces that let me know they played a part in this as well. Nice to see the innocent boys getting corrupted.
Caleb tosses the gigantic fried cricket into his napkin, and pokes through the rest of his food to search for more. Jeez, at least I didn't get something that bad. I hope. I've dug through most of my food by now and couldn't find anything suspicious.
"Boys, where did you get that?" My father asks, aghast.
"Ezra has connections at college," Chase answers.
Andrew and Natalie stare at Ezra with raised eyebrows and he just smiles sheepishly, not giving anything away about how he found the means to traumatize Caleb.
"I thought we agreed on just the toy spiders," my mother tells them sternly.
"Well, that was lame," Nathan retorts.
"We're done now. That was it. We swear," Ezra says, holding his hands up in mock defense. I don't believe him one bit, especially because of the asshole grin on his face.
My mother narrows her eyes, wiping down Anna's face. "Okay… if Beatrice and Caleb encounter any more unpleasant surprises on their big day… all of you are getting grounded. And Ezra, your keys will be taken."
Everybody's head snaps up at this, and at once Nathan and Owen scramble out of their chairs to run upstairs, Ezra in tow behind them. My mother just shakes her head to herself, knowing that she called their bluff.
"Where… are they going?" Caleb asks slowly, through a mouthful of egg.
"Your bathrooms," Chase and Carson answer cheerfully.
I'm not sure that I even want to know what they had planned.
It turns out that the boys had spent all night on their bathroom prank for us. They placed buckets of ice cold red kool-aid in my shower and Caleb's, and positioned it just right so they would fall on us as soon as we opened the shower curtain. Kool-aid stains your skin and your hair like crazy, so I would have definitely looked like I just came out of a murder scene if the prank had followed through. Thank God for my mother, honestly. I owe her big time.
After a nice, kool-aid free shower, Leo called me from Japan to talk to me and wish me a happy birthday. We chatted for about an hour or so, updating each other on our lives and such. When I told him about the pranks he just about died, and then made me hand over the phone to Caleb so he could tease him for the cricket incident.
This morning definitely shook me up, but Tobias is going to get here soon, so I don't have to worry for long. Caleb is spending the day with Susan as well. We both just need to be home by 6 for our birthday dinners and parties. It's nothing like what Ezra had, that huge party with a fancy dinner and a million guests. No, Caleb invited his respective gang, and I invited mine as well. Zeke and Shauna can't make it with everything going on with the baby which is understandable. I'm still excited to see everyone else, and to see Tobias shortly.
Just as I'm thinking about him, he texts me, letting me know he's outside with Milo. Tobias was feeling better this past weekend so I let Milo spend it at his house, knowing that they needed that quality time. His dad and Tiffany were also home to watch over him as well so it should have gone smoothly.
I quickly rush out to meet him, not wanting to leave him standing on his crutches for very long. I know I'll have to drive to wherever we're going today. Marcus probably dropped him here is my guess.
As I step off of my porch and make my way across the lawn, my mouth drops at the sight in front of me. Standing there, is my boyfriend, no cast on his leg and no crutches visible. His car is parked behind him, blasting the song "Dancing Queen" (really, could he have picked a more cliche song for a girl's seventeenth birthday?) and he holds several large balloons and a giant bouquet of white roses. Milo is in the backseat of the car with the window rolled down, and he barks in excitement when he sees me.
I am in awe of this boy, but also a little bit pissed. How dare he keep the fact that he was getting his cast taken off from me? Because he wanted to surprise you, the reasonable voice in my head says.
I stop when I'm just a few feet in front of him, wanting to take this time to enjoy his company alone because I know soon my mother will be out here making a fuss that he did all of this for me. "Hi," I say, trying to contain my wide smile.
"Happy birthday, beautiful," he states, handing me the roses and the balloons. I take them from him and then wrap my arms around him to pull him in for a long, long kiss. It's the first one we've had like this in a while, where he can embrace me back without having to balance on his crutches or be lying down.
"Oh my God… Thank you, for all this," I murmur once I pull back.
"You're not mad that I didn't tell you about my cast?" He asks with a teasing grin.
"Well, I'm a little pissed," I admit, "But I'm more happy that you can walk again. This was… a great surprise. Better than some of the other ones I received," I grumble.
"Oh, yes. Nathan sent me the spider video," Tobias says, chuckling as he shakes his head.
"It's not funny," I say as sternly as I can manage.
"Okay, fine," he states, cupping the back of my head and looking down at me with pure happiness in his eyes, "It's not funny."
I laugh, wrapping my arms around his middle as best I can with the roses and balloons in my hands, resting my cheek on his chest. I try to savor everything about this moment, the feeling of his heart beating beneath my face, his strong arms wrapped protectively around me, Milo's happy barks coming from the backseat of the car. "I love you," I tell Tobias, before I go to greet Milo.
Placing the roses on the top of the car, I pet the top of Milo's head gently, and smile as I feel Tobias come behind me and hug me around the waist, "I love you, too. Happy birthday," he whispers in my ear, kissing me on the cheek.
He holds me like that for a while, resting his chin on my head. Even once Milo calms down and enjoys a simple ear scratch from me, none of us take any action to move. His strong chest is pressed firmly against my back and he rubs his hands up and down my arms soothingly. This is the best present I could've gotten, to just simply be with him like this.
"How's your leg?" I ask him, after however long has passed. The song has ended and we stand in comfortable silence together.
"It still hurts a little bit, I won't be able to do anything strenuous for a while… but at least that damned cast is gone. I drove for the first time since the injury today… almost forgot how to."
"Tobias Eaton, you know how hard my mother's car wreck was for me. Don't joke about that."
"I'm sorryyyyy."
"Whatever," I grumble, "When did you get it off anyway?"
"Friday. Right after school."
"We FaceTimed all of Saturday night! How did you keep that from me?"
"With my distracting charm of course."
This gets a laugh from me, and I open my mouth to give him a witty retort, when I hear my mother's excited screech.
"Tobias Eaton, are you walking again?" She demands, marching over to us.
"Yes, Natalie. Sorry, I wanted it to be a surprise for Tris's birthday," he tells her, unwrapping his arms from me and turning around to face her.
My mother's face absolutely melts at those words, "Well, that is just so sweet, you thoughtful boy. Oh-" she gasps when she takes notice of the roses laying on the top of the car, and the balloons in my hands.
By now, several of the children have followed her out to see what the commotion is about. They all look very surprised to see Tobias walking again, and the younger ones take it as an invite to attack his legs.
I notice Tobias grimace in pain and I open my mouth to tell Carson and Chase to step away, but Tobias gives me a look that says it's fine and he bends down a little to play with them at their own eye level.
My mother has grabbed the roses and balloons to take them inside, but I know she'll be back soon enough with her phone, ready to take photos. At least now I look presentable, I think, glancing down at my black sweater and checked pants.
Once the kids notice Milo, though, they go crazy, all leaning up to the window to pet him. Anna isn't quite at that level yet, so Tobias lifts her up right next to the window so she can say her greetings properly, and I smile at the endearing encounter.
Soon enough, my mother returns with her phone in hand, and Ezra and Nathan in tow. Both of them shake Tobias's hand in the most dude-like way to congratulate him on getting out of his cast, and then the photo taking begins.
I swear, the whole thing takes like 30 minutes. We get some with just me and Tobias, then some with all of us, then some with just the kids, some with Milo, some without Milo. Milo, I can tell, wants to be let out of the car, but it would be too chaotic if we would. He's already run away a few times in the past with us having to chase after him, and he probably sees the commotion going on as the perfect opportunity for an escape. He really loves exploring, it seems.
Finally, everything is done, and my family says goodbye to us and tells us to have fun, my mother reminding us to be back for dinner, and my brothers snidely calling out for us to use protection. One day, I'm sure I'll be glad of so many memories being documented, but for now I'm just exhausted as I slide into the passenger seat.
I watch Tobias warily as he drives, making sure that he was just joking earlier about forgetting how to. Thankfully, he seems to be in pretty good shape and I forgot just how sexy he looks behind the wheel of a car.
Milo comes up next to me in the passenger seat, sniffing around, and I scratch his head, ready to enjoy whatever Tobias has in store for me on my 17th birthday.
I glance out of the car window at the familiar house, and turn back to Tobias, perplexed. "Why are we here?"
"Oh, trust me, this isn't our final destination. There was just someone else who demanded they get time with you today."
I smile wryly, "How kind of you to share me."
"I know, right. Anyways, go. I'm gonna take Milo for a short walk around the neighborhood, I think he's tired of sitting in the car."
I kiss him quickly, thinking how kind it is of him to do this, before heading out of the car and trotting up to Christina's house, knocking on the door.
It swings open instantly, and in no time I am wrapped in my best friend's tight embrace, laughing as I hug her back. "I'm seeing you tonight, Christina."
"Uh… yeah, that was just not enough for me. Tris! It's your 17th birthday and I am your best friend! I want to spend more time with you than just going to the same party that everyone else was invited to."
"So, you set this up with Tobias?"
She scoffs, pulling me into her house. "I practically demanded it. Boyfriends aren't everything, you know."
I let out a disbelieving laugh, "Look who's talking! The girl who is totally obsessed with her own boyfriend."
She sighs and sits down on her wooden bench, me taking a seat next to her. "I know that ever since I started dating Will, and you started dating Tobias… things haven't been necessarily the same. Which is sometimes good, you know, I can tell that both of us have grown up a lot and found people we're really in love with… but it doesn't mean I don't miss how it used to be sometimes."
I nod along, understanding where she's coming from. "We've been each other's ride or dies for a long time. That will never change, Chris."
"I know, it's just crazy that we have this whole friend group now, you know? And loving boyfriends and… our lives are kind of together?"
"Never thought I'd see the day."
Christina and I grew up together and helped each other through our awkward phases and cringey childhood personalities. Still, even as Christina started receiving more male attention when high school approached, and I got more involved with my studies, we never left each other's side. We would still eat together on the cafeteria floor for every lunch period, drive home together, hang out on weekends and go to school dances together. I swear, some people even thought we were dating.
After she found Will and I found Tobias, things changed. I think we both realized that it's okay to bring other important people into our lives, and that the other was well taken care of. We still hangout and she's still my best friend, but I do find myself reminiscing on the days that we were wide eyed 14 year old girls, so naive and innocent. I could never forget about her.
"Yep… well… here," she pulls out a small wrapped package from underneath the bench and I give her a quizzical look before taking it.
I gently rip the paper apart and see a small jewelry box. When I open it, there's a stunning bracelet with a variety of colored gems along the silver chain, going in the pattern of the rainbow. Christina holds up her wrist and I see that she's wearing the same one.
I laugh, slipping mine on around my wrist. It fits perfectly. "Thank you, Chris," I lean in and hug her.
"Now we're connected forever," she states.
"We already were before."
"Oh, so sappy," she says, waving her hand. "Anyways… what does Eaton have planned for your birthday?"
"I dunno. He said it's a surprise. I didn't even know he got his cast off until he showed up to my house," I tell her with a shy smile.
"Aww," Christina coos, "Do you know what he's getting you?"
"I mean, he already gave me white roses and balloons." I shrug. I don't really expect anything more.
"Have you seen how in love with you that man is? He definitely has more planned!"
"I mean… I feel lucky no matter what. You know he played Dancing Queen?"
"Oh, not Dancing Queen!" Christina laughs.
"Hey, shut up. It was sweet."
"Sweet, but a cliche."
I shrug her off, knowing that she's right but not caring.
"Wait, what did you get him for his birthday?" She presses.
"Um, after we ate dinner with his dad and his girlfriend, we went home and I gave him this quilt that my mom helped me make for him."
I smile, thinking of that day. It was a huge step for him, going to visit his mother's grave, inviting his dad and Tiffany to the diner, and opening up to me about his painful memories. Plus, seeing him in that tiara was pretty funny. I hold back on telling Christina about going to Evelyn's grave, though. Everyone in our group is aware of Tobias's mother's passing, but I'm not sure how much he would want them to know about the tender details. Probably nothing.
"That's sweet. I bet you spent a lot of time on it," she gives me a knowing smile.
"Oh, I did," I tell her, thinking about the countless nights my mother and I stayed up late. Each square on the quilt also has some of our favorite memories.
The first square had spiderman on it for the time that I won him spiderman tattoos on our first date, then a ferris wheel for the time we kissed on our first date too, a snowflake for the white Christmas we spent together, a lacrosse stick to remind him that he'd be back on the field in no time, a dog that looks like Milo for our first Valentine's day together, our office themed Halloween costumes, the shake shack logo to remind him of when we started getting to know each other, a beaker to represent Chemistry class (the class that we met in), and the last square just had "Happy Birthday Tobias" stitched onto it, and our initials along with our anniversary date.
That quilt was definitely the hardest I had worked on anything, but it was honestly worth it to see his face when he received it. I guess Christina is right, and he definitely does have more planned. Not just because he cares about me so much, but also to one up my present. He likes to do that. A lot.
"What about you? How's Will?"
Christina's face breaks out into a wide smile, "He's great. Midterms were his time to thrive, you know, he's smart or whatever, but my family is going to the outer banks for a couple weeks on vacation this summer and they want me to invite him! I'm so excited, I hope he says yes."
"Oh, he will, Chris. He loves you."
"And I love him, too," she leans into me and rests her head on my shoulder, lacing her fingers through mine.
"Thanks again for the bracelet, Chris."
"Of course. You're my best friend, you know?" She asks.
"Yeah, I know. You're mine too, by the way."
"I love you."
"I love you more."
I stayed with Christina for 15 or so more minutes, chatting about school and how we can't believe junior year is coming to a close soon, and how excited we are for Shauna to have her baby and to see Zeke as a dad. Finally, she sent me away, saying that she didn't want to make Tobias wait too long and that she'd see me tonight.
When I got back to the car, he and Milo had returned as well. I slid into the passenger seat and grabbed him by the neck of his shirt, crushing his lips to mine.
"Thank you," I had told him once I pulled away, "For caring about me so much."
"You make it easy on me, Tris," he responded.
"Welcome to Geneva," I read the sign aloud, turning to Tobias with a curious look.
"My mom and I used to come up here a lot. It's nice," he says as casually as he can, keeping his eyes on the road.
After about 50 more minutes in the car, it appears we have finally reached our destination. I've heard of Geneva before, people from school go on weekend trips here and apparently there's a nice market around. I've never been here myself, but clearly this place has sentimental value to Tobias. I'm glad he feels like he can bring me.
As we drive through what seems like the downtown area, I take note of the fact that Geneva seems like a quaint little town with lots of personality. I really, really like it.
There's a large river, and we take the bridge that stretches across it. I admire the picturesque scenery and the beautiful landscape before turning to Tobias, watching him as he drives.
He really is quite handsome, which I feel like I don't appreciate nearly enough. His tousled brown hair curls on it's ends and I can see lighter flecks of brown in it with the sun shining through the car window. His midnight blue eyes also look somewhat otherworldly in this lighting, contrasting with his olive skin tone which seems to glimmer in the sunlight as if he is a Greek God. And his sculpted facial structure… his hooked nose, his defined jaw, his deep set eyes and cheekbones. I can't believe someone who is this attractive has interest in me. And not just interest… that he puts so much effort into doing kind things for me and cares about me a lot.
Growing up, I always had my family. And I understand that not everyone has the privilege to be born into a loving family, but family is there for you most of the time because they have to be. It's in their blood. Even with Christina, we've been friends for so long that our love for each other just feels like a given. And then I met Tobias.
We've really only known each other for 8ish months or so, and we only just celebrated our 6 month anniversary a couple of weeks ago. Still, I'm in awe that he chose me. He chose to make me a part of his life, and I chose to make him a part of mine. And then we fell in love. It all seems so surreal.
I honestly thought one of us would have gotten tired of the other at this point, but nope, everyday I fall more and more in love with him and this new life we've created for ourselves amongst our amazing friends and family. Turning 17 this year, this is the first year of my life where I've had something like this. And I am damned grateful for it all.
The park Tobias takes us to is gorgeous, and overlooks the river. There aren't too many people about, which is nice, because we'll have our privacy.
He unloads the backseat, and I take note of the picnic basket and wrapped gift in his hands as we take Milo around the park so that he can expend some energy. He is constantly tugging and pulling at his leash, excited to explore and sniff all of his new surroundings, and lucky me, I'm the one who's holding him.
Finally, after about 10 minutes of walking around, Tobias gestures to a secluded spot right next to the river and begins laying out our picnic blanket. I tie Milo to a nearby tree so he doesn't run off but can still sniff around at the grass, before taking a set next to Tobias.
"What is all this?" I muse, opening the picnic basket.
I see sandwiches, grapes, cheese, and then a box of homemade cupcakes. I look up at my boyfriend with a 'you didn't' look and he just smirks at me.
"Tiffany helped me put all this together for you. She says happy birthday."
My heart just about melts. "Well, tell her I say thank you."
I close the basket and turn to Tobias. I'm a little bit hungry, but the food can wait. Instead I practically jump on top of him, pushing him back onto the blanket, and attack him with kisses. It's the first time I can completely smother him today so I take advantage of that.
He kisses back just as passionately, and when he moves his lips to my neck he murmurs loving things to me, which just spurs me on. No, our first time having sex in two months should not be in a public park, but it doesn't change how much I want it, especially when he rolls his hips against mine.
After a few minutes, I pull back, breathless, and stare down at him in awe. His neck is flushed, his hair's a mess, and his eyes are glazed over. I'm sure that I look similar. I make no effort to move off of him though, instead I just tuck my head into the crook of his neck and allow his hands to idly skim my back, enjoying this quiet time with him.
"How does it feel to be 17?" He asks.
"Oh, completely life changing."
"That's what I thought."
"Mmm… but seriously, thank you for making this day so special. You're… amazing. I love you."
"And I love you more."
"Not possible."
"Oh, it is very possible."
"Mmm… doubt it."
He's started to pepper kisses down my neck again, and I arch my head back to give him better access, "You gonna concede yet?"
"Never."
"Mmm," in an instant he's flipped us over and pinned my hands above my head. "What about now?"
I look up at him as seriously as I can, trying to contain my laughter, "I'm the birthday girl. You have to let me win."
He looks as if I have stumped him this time, "Okay…"
I grin in victory.
"Except…" he all of a sudden attacks me with tickles around my ribs, the spot where he knows I'm most ticklish. What an asshole.
"T-t-tobias," I get out between my laughs, yet he continues violating me. "Tobias- stop- you're hurting me!"
He turns back to me with a seriously concerned look, and I feel guilty for about a split second before hopping to my feet and running away from him, laughing.
"Beatrice! Prior!" He exclaims, dashing after me.
It doesn't take him that long to catch up, either, and soon enough he's wrapped me up in a bear hug from behind. "You're not nice," he whispers in my ear.
"Wonder where I learned that from then, huh?"
"Making me chase after you after I just got my cast off?"
Oh, fuck, now I actually feel guilty.
"Tobias-" I turn around to face him.
"Got you!" He exclaims, lifting me up from the ground and taking off again, with me in his arms.
I laugh at the childishness of all of our antics, but still feel worried about him running like this so soon after his recovery.
"Okay, we should stop…" I say gently.
He presses his lips together but complies, and sets me back on the blanket gently. Once we're resituated he grabs the tupperware full of grapes from the picnic basket along with two paper plates.
We sit in criss cross applesauce across from one another, our knees touching.
"So," I pipe up, eyeing him closely, "Marcus's wedding is soon, huh?"
"Yup," he responds, his eyes still on his task, "May 8th."
"How are your best man duties coming along?"
"I mean… since he's not having a bachelor party I don't have too many responsibilities. Just gotta make sure everything is in order for his big day."
"And the toast," I remind him.
"Right, the toast."
I quirk an eyebrow, "Any idea what you're gonna say, yet?"
"Some."
"Is that all I'm gonna get out of you?"
"For now, yes."
"Alright." I gingerly take my plate from him, wondering what I should take first. I decide to go with the grapes, as they look fat and juicy and appetizing. After I take a bite I come to the pleasant realization that I was correct. I need to remember to send Tiffany a thank you note.
"So, this whole 'Marcus getting married' thing… you haven't really talked about it much."
"What is there to talk about? He's getting married, she's nice, and I'm happy about it," he says shortly.
"Still… you know, with your mom and stuff… I mean, it has to be weird to see Marcus about to marry someone else." I'm not sure why I'm pressing this so much. I guess because I always thought that Tobias would talk to me about the upcoming wedding eventually… but no. Not a peep. And now it's in like two weeks and he still acts as if everything is normal. It's selfish and it's stupid but sometimes I just feel like he doesn't trust me with these things. Even on his birthday, I was the one who had to tell him I already knew about his mother. I understand he's taken a lot of steps forward with me, and definitely opened up a lot, but sometimes I feel like after we've moved miles ahead we still end up backtracking a few feet afterwards. I guess that's how it is sometimes in relationships, but still, it's a sucky feeling.
"No shit, Tris. It's weird. But what can I do?" He snaps.
I frown at his bluntness and push my plate away from me slightly, twisting away from him and placing my head in my hands. I don't want this to be a fight, but if he closes up on me every time I just ask how he feels about something… Jesus, I know that he and Nita based their relationship around this shit, talking about their feelings… and he told me that being with me was like a breather from all that solitude. Still, I can't just be Ms. Fun all the time.
"I'm sorry, okay?" He says after a few seconds, "But it's your birthday and frankly I don't want to bring it down by talking about all this shit."
"It wouldn't bring it down, Tobias," I hiss, turning back to look at him. "I like when you talk about yourself and I like when you talk about your feelings! You know I'm here to listen, right?"
"Of course I do," he looks offended that I would think otherwise, but really, can he blame me? "I trust you more than anyone else in my life, Tris. You know things about me that no one else does."
"Well… how come you haven't talked about this wedding stuff at all?"
"Jesus, I don't know. I guess, I'm still trying to decide how I feel about it. And you have like this fucking perfect family… and you know-"
"What? Just because I have a perfect family means that I'll judge your situation?" I'm being unfair, I know, but I feel a pain in my heart when I think of Nita. She dealt with family problems similar to Tobias, and her own sister has cancer. That's a connection to Tobias that I'll never have. I'm not wishing that anyone in my family gets cancer or anything… just wondering if Tobias and I will always have a void between us because I'll never fully understand what he's been through. Maybe he might be better off with someone who does. Great, and here come the doubtful thoughts. After everything was going so well today.
"I never said that. It's just hard for me… to talk about these things when I see your close family and just feel- like an idiot."
I frown, "You're not an idiot."
"I let my emotions get the better of me. I can't hang back on all this stuff about my mom… because if I do then I'll never escape it. It's what we were talking about a few months ago, that day my father proposed to Tiffany. Living in the moment."
"That doesn't mean that you just push away all the bad things."
"Yeah… well," he shrugs.
"How do you feel about all this?" I push.
"Fuck, I don't know," he runs a distressed hand through his hair. "I'm so happy for my father… that he got this opportunity again and found someone he really loves. I have no qualms against Tiffany, she's an amazing woman, and obviously she'll never replace my mother… but is it weird if I feel like I'm betraying my mom for being happy about all this?"
"I don't think it's weird at all," I comment, slowly edging forward to comfort him. I'm glad he's talking to me about this now, but I can't help but feel like I forced it out of him, which was not what I wanted. "But you're not."
"Logically, I know that… but I don't wanna let her go yet."
"You don't have to, she'll always be a part of you."
He presses his lips together, "I hope so. I don't wanna wake up in 10 years and not remember anything about her."
"That's not true. She's a part of you Tobias. And even I can see it. I mean, look where you brought me today. A place that you two used to go all the time."
The corner of his mouth lifts, "We used to sit in this exact spot and have picnics here."
I smile, ignoring the slight cracking in my heart, "See? You'll never forget her, Tobias. It's clear to me how much of her you still carry with you. That doesn't just go away."
He leans his forehead on my shoulder and I idly play with the rings on his fingers. I notice his grandfather's ring and think back on the evening that he told me about it. "Thanks for this, Tris."
"Why are you thanking me? You're the one who did all of this for me."
"For… listening to me. I wanna talk about these things, but sometimes I just need that push. Immature, I know, but you're always really here for me. And you never look at me differently."
"Well, why would I?"
He laughs, "I don't know. God, I love you so much."
"Yeah? I love you too."
We both lean in and share a deep kiss.
We chatted more over our lunch. Tobias told some stories about the times that he came here with Evelyn and I listened politely. Now that our bellies are full and we're done with our meal, we know we should be heading back for my party soon… but we still just want to soak up these last moments alone together before we have to be around lots of people.
Milo has grown tired and is laying down in the grass, taking a small nap in the shade next to where he's tied up. Tobias and I lay side by side on the picnic blanket, our arms grazing one another's as we look up at the sunlight peering in through the tree leaves.
"Ready to head back and socialize?" Tobias asks me.
"Not really. Knowing my mother she'll definitely think that we engaged in sexual activities because of how long we were gone."
Tobias barks out a laugh, "Oh God, I wish."
I slap his arm lightly.
"Not what I meant, Tris… Obviously I had lots of fun today… but now that I am out of my cast, and the house is going to be free tonight because Tiffany and Marcus are going to New York…" he says suggestively.
My lips lift up in a smile, "What happened to Marcus's no school night rule?"
"Mmm… he said it could be overridden if it's been 2 months since I've gotten laid because I tore my ACL in a lacrosse incident," he deadpans.
"Interesting. In that case, I guess I'll come over. Gotta wait for Natalie to fall asleep, though."
"I love her, but how does she still think you're a virgin?" He pokes my stomach.
I roll my eyes, "My parents are pretty… blind when it comes to me. They wouldn't believe it if I told them I've ever had a sip of alcohol. But it's not that my mom thinks I'm a virgin, it's more that she's praying I am. Especially after she found out about Shauna, she's so scared of me getting pregnant and ruining my future."
Tobias chortles, "I wouldn't say Zeke and Shauna's futures are ruined. It seems like they're honestly made because of this pregnancy. But everyone has their own goals, I suppose."
"It is so ironic, too, because my mom literally had Leo when she was 18. So where does she get off being scared about all of this?"
"Oh, well then this actually makes perfect sense."
"What do you mean?"
"You're her first daughter, and also, only one out of two girls she's had."
"So?"
"Naturally… she's going to see a lot of herself in you to begin with, and while she loves Leo, he was unplanned, so she probably had a lot of aspirations for her future before she got pregnant. She probably wants to see those goals live out in you, since she couldn't achieve what she wanted to. As much as she loves all of you and her life as a mother, no one ever just lets go of 'what could have been'... and it's pretty common for parents to want their unlived dreams to manifest themselves in their children."
I blink, sinking in everything he just told me. I know that my mother has no qualms about having Leo so young, and it led to her having 9 more children whom she loves a lot… but Tobias is right, she definitely had dreams before getting pregnant. She had to make a tough choice between motherhood and living those dreams out. It's pretty common for mothers to have to make sacrifices like that, to give up their dreams, and it sucks. I wish my mother could have done whatever she dreamt of when she was my age, and I feel selfish that I've never asked her about it. I will, one day.
What did she think her future would look like on her 17th birthday? Probably much different than what actually happened. I get emotional, thinking of a young Natalie Prior blowing out her birthday candles, thinking of going away to college and starting a brand new life soon enough, like I've done today.
I don't want to become the person she manifests all her goals into, but I also know that I can't let her down now, given everything that she's sacrificed for me. She doesn't ask for much, she just insists that I receive a bachelor's degree, and please, please don't get pregnant. Easy enough. I can do that. Especially after everything that happened with her accident, I know that I want to graduate from college and make her proud.
"Tris?" Tobias asks gently, pulling me out of my trance, "Sorry, I didn't mean to overstep."
"You didn't," I tell him, "Just… I never thought about it that way. So, thank you."
"Yeah, of course," he sits up from his spot and grabs the wrapped present at the corner of the blanket, handing it over to me. "Happy Birthday, Tris."
Sitting up as well, I grab the package from his hands and murmur a thank you. It's rather large and heavy. I already know that whatever it is, I'll love it. It's Tobias after all.
The first thing I pull out is a card that has the number 17 in a heart. I go to read it but Tobias stops me, "Don't open it yet. Just… read it at home, okay?"
I nod slowly, "Alright…" I set the card aside and reach for the actual present.
"What is this?" I ask in wonder as I read the box.
He swallows distantly, "They're um… long distance touch lamps. One for me and one for you. We'll have to connect it all to wifi to see it in action, but uh, basically when one of us touches one the other person's will light up a certain color. Then we touch our own lamp, and both of our lamps light up the same color."
My heart soars completely, at my thoughtful, sweet, and incredibly romantic boyfriend. I'm rendered speechless, so I examine the lamps closer, trying to think of the right things to say.
"Sorry… if it's stupid… I just thought that I could show you that no matter how uncertain the future seems and stuff… we're always closer to each other than we think… and I'm always gonna be there for you," Tobias rambles nervously.
"It's, uh, it's not stupid at all," I say, swallowing thickly, "I love it."
His face breaks out into a relieved smile, and I am literally quivering with emotion as I wonder what I did to deserve Tobias Eaton. I am never letting him go, that's for sure.
Well, the ride home was fun. We sang songs, talked to Milo, and enjoyed each other's company. We took Milo out again for another break, and hung out in the city park, still trying to enjoy our alone time together. As excited as I am about the party tonight, I just want to enjoy the quiet moments with Tobias.
Finally, though, after all of our stalling, we are back home. There are several cars parked out in front of the house already, and Tobias and I make our way up to the front door, Milo tugging excitedly on his leash. He's eager to get home to his small friends.
Uriah Pedrad, to my surprise, is the one who answers the door, saying an excited hello to Milo for only a second before the puppy bounds through the house, sensing that there's lots of company around.
"Tris!" He exclaims, wrapping me in a huge bear hug, "Happy Birthday!"
I laugh, "Thanks, Uri. Why are you answering my door, though?"
"Oh, Natalie is in the kitchen on her fifth glass of Chardonnay it seems. I told her I would get it. She's a lovely woman, by the way."
I blink.
"Well, come in! Come in!" Uriah ushers the both of us in, stepping in between us and placing his palms on both of our shoulders. "Caleb and his nerd friends are upstairs in the game room. So it's just our gang down here."
As I enter the kitchen, I'm faced with a massive 'Happy Birthday!' I smile as I see the usual gang, minus Zeke and Shauna, all present to greet me. I face an even more pleasant surprise when I notice that Arielle is amongst the group. After meeting officially at Marlene's birthday party, we started talking more at school, and she's become a good friend. I'm glad she's here tonight.
Everyone is wearing the famous Prior party hats, and I cast a glance around the room, spotting my mom in the attached living room on the sofa. As Uriah stated, she does seem to be on her fifth glass of Chardonnay. When she sees me she gives me a fond smile, and I wave in return.
I notice my tiara sitting out for me, and I chuckle as I think of Tobias wearing it on his own birthday. After putting it on, I hand a blue party hat over to Tobias, who gives me a blank look.
"You have to. It's my birthday," I tell him.
"Oh, everything else I did today wasn't enough?" He teases, but still complies. I grin at the sight of him in the tiny hat, and then turn back to the rest of my friends, ready to give out lots of hugs.
The rest of the night goes by in an amazing and chaotic flash. I laugh and sing and dance with my best friends. Natalie takes the opportunity to photograph as much as she can before exiting the room to give us our privacy.
A karaoke machine is brought out, and Uriah makes Tobias go up with him and sing 'Summer Nights' from Grease. It's safe to say I have that video stored on my phone for a long time coming. Christina and I sing our favorite Taylor Swift song -All Too Well- together, Marlene and Arielle who both have fantastic voices go for a One Direction song. Lynn comments that she is "never stepping anywhere near that fucking thing", and as a result Sofia stays away as well. Will does his own solo to Chasing Cars, singing it straight to Christina. She and I both subsequently teared up at his performance. I can't help but miss Zeke and Shauna's presence, and hope that they're having a nice time, whatever it is that they're doing tonight.
Eventually my siblings sneak into the party, which makes it even more chaotic considering there are probably more than 30 people present in my house right now. Still, the gang takes it in stride, and has fun engaging with them and hearing stories about me. I had to cover my ears in embarrassment at some of them, and knocked Nathan's phone from his hand when he tried to show them the spider video.
Tobias and I stay close the entire night. Even if we're not completely alone, the hand holding and short hugs are enough for the time being. Finally, everyone is pretty tired after a pizza dinner, so they say goodnight and thank my parents for having them over. Tobias stays with me and helps me open presents from friends and set up my touch lamp, though he still doesn't want me to open his card, insisting that it'll just be better if I read it alone.
At about 10 pm, he says he has to head off too so that he can catch Marcus and Tiffany before their flight. He says goodbye to my parents and siblings, and whispers to me that he'll hopefully see me tonight as I walk him to the door.
After an amazingly wonderful day, I'm exhausted, but I still make sure to kiss my family good night before tiredly trudging up to my room. I hear animated laughs come from the game room, which means that Caleb's friends are still over. Hmm… I guess nerds can stay up late.
Tobias's card lays on my desk with the rest of my presents, and my touch lamp is now on my bedside table, next to the balloons and flowers he got for me. I smile at the sight of it all, soaking in how phenomenal my 17th birthday really was.
I feel a twinge of nervousness as I open the card. Why was Tobias so nervous for me to read it? My eyes skim over his tiny messy scrawl, and I begin devouring the words.
Tris,
It's your 17th birthday, and I'm in awe of how much I've watched you grow in these past 6 months that I've known you. I'm not usually good at writing long letters like these, but it's easy to do for you, because I'm just so in love with you.
I really hope that you're alone when you read this… because I'm probably about to get really sappy and I don't want to have to watch your facial expressions when you read through my clusterfuck of words about how much I love you.
It's no use dwelling on the past, and you're the one who taught me that, but sometimes I curse myself for not noticing you earlier. I know that this was probably the way it was all meant to be and whatnot… but what a fool I was.
Still, I remember the day I first met you. You were wearing a dark green zip up hoodie, a white t-shirt and black sweatpants. Your hair was let loose in it's messy and natural waves and your eyes were so alive and demanding. I was caught off guard the first few weeks, sitting next to you in class. I'd never met a more determined person who was still so down to earth. You made me laugh, you intrigued me, and I felt a pull at my heart that I never had before.
Then, we fell in love. From a spontaneous makeout session in the front seat of my car, to a carnival date, and then spending Christmas with your large and wonderful family, to the most magical Valentine's day of my entire life, and then that damned quilt you gave me for my birthday that brought tears to my eyes… I am certain that no one is more right for me than you are Tris Prior.
You are loyal, caring, gorgeous, selfless, and the most amazing human I know. I feel so lucky that I've just gotten to witness these past 6 months of your life, and watch you grow into the amazing woman that you are. From being there for me after my breakup with Nita, to helping me out on Christmas with my father, dealing with your mother's accident and then stepping me up and helping me out with mine, even visiting my mother's grave with me… all the while keeping your grades fucking perfect and staying a true friend to anyone who is lucky enough to have you… I'm not sure what I did to deserve as thoughtful and driven a girl as you are.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're the person who makes me want to be the best version of myself. I get up in the morning, knowing that someone as wonderful as Tris Prior sees some worth in me, and it makes me believe that everything that's happened to me is not fatal. That there is more to life. I'm so confident that we'll be celebrating many more birthdays together, and each year, I can't wait to write you a sappier card than the last.
Even if we've only been together for 6 months, it feels like an entire lifetime with you. The touch lamps symbolize that. No matter where we are, we are still connected, you know? Anyways, I should probably wrap it up here.
I've watched you grow up a lot, I've seen you delve past your insecurities and your uncertainties, and become more confident in what you feel and what you want. It's truly an amazing sight. I know how hard your mother's accident was for you, but instead of shutting yourself away from the world, you opened yourself up and decided to love even harder. After my injury, you didn't look at me with an ounce of pity, you just simply told me that I'd be back on the field eventually, and that being off it didn't change my value. How is it that you know all the right things to say?
You are the love of my life, Tris. Our souls were made for one another's. You bring out the brighter parts of me, that have been overshadowed with grief and despair, and I bring out the unvarnished parts in you, that were overshadowed by niceties and shallow insecurities. I'm not trying to give myself too much credit, but I just know that without each other, we wouldn't be where we are now.
Here's to so many more birthdays in the future, Tris. You're my dream come true, and you take my breath away everyday. Happy 17th birthday, dancing queen.
Forever yours,
Tobias
I stare down at the letter that is basically an ode to me, with tears streaming down my face. It's so hard to see myself in the light that he does, but I also know he's right. We have come along way with each other. My heart is so full right now, being in love truly is the best feeling. Though now, it feels like more than love. It feels like I've found a soul match, and that my heart is completely tethered to his.
Connected, just like our lamps. Drying my eyes, I set the letter down, and walk over to my bedside table. I touch my lamp once, and it turns a bright orange color. I sit down on my bed to wait for Tobias's response.
After a few seconds, I receive it. The lamp turns neon purple, and makes a pinging sound. My heart is leaping, it's flying, and my face breaks out into a wide smile. Earlier today, I sat with Tobias and thought about my mother. How wrong she probably was on her own 17th birthday about what her future may hold.
And today on my 17th birthday, I can freely admit that I have no idea what the future is going to hold. But I know this, and I know this for certain. Tobias Eaton will be a part of my future, no matter what.
Wow, um, this chapter was originally way longer than I had planned. I think it's the longest chapter I've ever written for this story. But please let me know your thoughts, whether you enjoyed it or whether you just thought it was a total snooze, haha.
Thanks for reading, and for all the follows, favorites, and reviews. It took me longer than expected to write this, I've been so busy with the last week of school before winter break. Oh, and Taylor Swift released a whole ass surprise album this past weekend! Seriously, if you haven't listened to it, go do that rn. It's phenomenal.
Anyways, leave a review if you would like to let me know what you think! There's 6 chapters left, so we still have some more time with each other. But if you've been paying attention to my author's notes you'll know I have a sequel in the works so we aren't leaving this version of Tris and Tobias for a while :)
Thanks so much for all the love,
Kiki