Chapter 12: I want them to be free
Thank you When-A-Sprite-Meets-Unicorn and Ms S for your lovely reviews which make me happy to write this story. So here's a little chapter to say goodbye to some of our beloved characters who are going on new adventures. It's a summer fic, so if you would like, imagine it is June, on a hot and sunny day.
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Karla have the impression that the little girls are looking at her through Blanca's phone screen. They are twins but look so different even though they both have black hair and dark eyes.
"So, what?" Blanca asks, intrigued by the look on her face.
Karla moves on the sofa in her small apartment, a little uncomfortable. She doesn't dare ask the question that burns her lips.
"I was just wondering if it went well, I mean the birth?"
Blanca bursts into a big, clear laugh that Karla doesn't know and says something about getting two big cars out of a whole small parking space.
"I spent three days in the fog afterwards," she adds nonchalantly. "I had an emoragia of the deliverance and they had to transfuse me."
Karla is horrified.
"Not a very good memory", it is always Blanca who speaks to fill the silence created by her revelation.
Karla looks at the empty cups on the coffee table in front of her, recalling an article she read a few months ago about poor quality of medical care in Honduras despite the work of NGOs.
"Your daughters are very pretty," she whispers.
"Thank you," Blanca replies. "I won't have any more, that's for sure. When we found out they were twins, we decided that I would go back to the United States for the birth. Everything was ready. Jess agreed to host me, but at the last moment, I couldn't. "
A puzzled expression crosses Karla's face and she hopes Blanca hasn't seen it.
"I know it was dangerous. Afterwards, I felt guilty, I felt like I was a bad mother when my daughters were just born. But, I couldn't do this alone. "
"It's over now. You and Diablo are together, and you look happy don't you?"
Blanca smiles. "Yeahh, we are lucky. At the same time we live in a village called Gracias a dios."
They're laughing. Karla remembers that day in Ice where they traded jokes about their old lives, looking for old cases on Lexis Nexis. Maybe that's when their friendship began. Then, she watches Blanca turning her empty mug in her hands.
"What's wrong?" she asks.
"I have to come back living here, in the United States," Blanca says.
Karla frowns in surprise. She suddenly needs to do something and grabs her own empty cup. She goes to the small kitchen and glances at Blanca to see if she wants another hot drink. The other woman hands her her mug. Karla doesn't say anything, she knows that Blanca can come back, she told her about her new green card, but she also knows that Diablo doesn't have it.
"It's a tough decision," she says, filling the cups with coffee.
"It's because of my daughters. I know they'll want more. More than marrying a gang boss," Blanca jokes.
Karla sees what she means. She thinks back to Diana, the girl on the left in the photo, with her black eyes sparkling with mischief and determination beneathher thick eyebrows.
"They look like you," she replies.
"I want them to be free," Blanca said thoughtfully, her eyes intensely focused on her brown leather pants
"Yes. But, your life looks sweet. Maybe for now, you can just give them a happy childhood."
"It's not enough, you know that."
Karla knows it. She knows that her sons would have had a happy childhood in El Salvador, before they were old enough to join a gang or to oppose this fatality. She knows that her decision to leave has cost them dearly, many years of their life with their mother, but that the decision to stay could have been worse.
"We are doing our best, Blanca." By pronouncing this sentence Karla knows that it is banal and that nothing is solved but she does not see what to add.
"You don't have a little piece of legislation," her friend asks, a smile back to her face.
"I'm going to take a look in my son's magic box," Karla replies playfully. A few seconds pass. Blanca takes a sip of coffee. Karla puts a hand on her knees:
"As soon as I hear about something, you'll be the first to know."
Blanca chuckles in response. Her cell phone vibrates in her bag, and Karla remembers that their reunion is short and that tonight her friend will be flying to the Honduras. She will promise to come and see her and hope that she can.
XXX
Maritza barely remembers the last time she got on a plane. She was cold, a strange cold coming from inside her body. She looked at these people, unknown, anonymous, engulfed in spite of themselves in the apparatus. She must have followed them, too, without saying goodbye to anyone.
The time before, she was going to the Ohio, right after the riot. Stuck between two women. They trudged themselves along with clicks of handcuffs and chains. Maritza was shaking so hard, and her red eyes hurt so much that the girl behind her, Watson or something, finally had put her hands on her shoulders to confort her. Tonight she is not trembling. She walks on the track that smells of fuel and she is happy to wear ugly flat trainers rather than high heels that would have sunk into the metal grid leading to the plane. In front of her, she sees Flaca pushing her too long bangs away from her face. She hears her say something to Juliana about the dinner they will be eating in the sky. For the first time, Maritza is not afraid before taking the plane.
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In high school, Flaca thought the other girls were silly, all dressed the same, with the same expressions on their faces. However, in the picture, she tooks with her phone, they wear the same expression. Blanca, Maritza and her: crumpled pants and t-shirts, trainers at the feet, smiling despite their sad eyes. But, when they went from apart, Flaca was calm. She thought if things had been different in Litchfield, they could have experienced this kind of qquiet separation earlier: Blanca going on her side, and Maritza and she on theirs. Now she hugs her bag against her. Inside, there is what she has most dear. Her phone with pictures of her mother, her brothers, and Gloria, her phone charger, and Nicky's iPod. The plane takes off slowly. She puts a "Frozen" coloring book in front of Juliana (weird at spring but the little one loves them), then glances at Maritza who puts a mask on her eyes to protect herself from the light of the setting sun.
"Good night Flac," she whispers.
"Already?"
"I tell myself that if I fall asleep now you will have to take care of Juliana",
Flaca smiles and looks at Juliana who is hesitating between two colored pencils. She feels an intense joy rising in her. The plane slowly leaves the earth, and she sticks her headphones into her ears. On Nicky's iPod, she listens to "I'm no heroine" by Emily Wells.
XXX
"It's already good," says Gary. "They could have chose to do nothing."
"He may be temporarily suspended from the police." Jess imitates the district atorney's placid tone. "He's not taking too many risks, the guy ..." You have almost killed someone, that's not good, don't do it again, please. "
Gary laughs, then collects the paper cups and plates on a platter, preparing to leave the Starbucks of the airport.
"I haven't finished my drink," Jess mumbles. "And I hurry, to avoid traffic jams."
"There are always traffic jams leaving JFK on Saturday night."
"I know, you tell me every time we go to JFK, that is to say, 3 times in 10 years .."
She plays with the straw in her glass.
"Look, this is the lady from the library, the one who reads stories." Jess smiles when she hears the voice of a little girl coming towards their table. Sometimes she meets children who frequent the Hartford library but never at the airport.
"We're not gonna go home now , honey," she whispers in Gary's ear. She understands his lack of enthusiasm but wonders why he leaves suddenly drop the tray on the table.
"No, Lili." She does not recognize the voice of the man who asks the kid not to approach. Then, she turns around. He is there, looking ordinary, in his jeans and his football shirt, the Incident cop. She feels something slide inside her and grabs the edge of the table.
"Jess, are you taking the plane? Me, I came to look for my mom who comes back from Baltimor with my grandfather. He bought me an ice cream.
"This is great, Lili," she manages to whisper, hoping Gary isn't going to fight with the grandfather in question at the Starbucks of JFK. Little Lili is still talking to her. Of her favorite scent of ice cream and something else. Jess wants to look up at Gary but she can't. The air becomes scarce. Still, she hears what he says to the cop.
"I understand your reaction, a black man who rides in his little sports car, and throws his ID card in your face as if he was white. But her? "Jess feels Gary's gaze on her as she vaguely responds to little Lili. " When you saw the fucking file from social services, didn't you think she read stories to your grand-daughter every Wednesday afternoon at the library? If you had it known, would that have changed something? "
Gary doesn't ask that last question out loud but the cop hears it anyway. Finally looking up, Jess meets his gaze. She reads shame in it, just a few seconds. And she wonders if this shame will help her through the tough days. Then she sees the lightningns Gary's eyes.
Out of fear or out of need for power, is the cop going to wave his baton?
"I have to get out," she says in a trembling voice, hoping Gary will hear her. Now, standing, she vassilles, one hand still on the table. Suddenly, she feels him, he focuses only on her. She feels his arm around her shoulders. He hugs her as they walk through the lobby of the airport. He gently grabs her hair and turns her face to the large window.
"Do you see the moon?" He asks?
"It's good,what you told him," she answers confused and scared. But, she finds a little serenity contemplating the few rays of light.
In the parking lot, she finally breathes, and her spirits return. She remembers forgetting the Post-its that Flaca and Blanca gave her with their reviews for the next book club on the table.
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1/ The title of the chapter refers to the song "Be free" by Wees blood which concludes season 6 with very moving moments where we see the characters regaining freedom or losing it again like Blanca and Taystee for example. "I want you to be free" is also a beautiful sentence that Alex says to Piper in season 7 episode 13 and for me it is a real declaration of love, lol.
2/ The song that Flaca is listening to on the plane "I'm no eroine", is broadcast in S7 when Cindy is released, her happiness is short-lived, but I found this moment wonderful, and the song too.
3/ The end of the chapter might sound strange to you, but it all makes sense. You will know in the last chapter of this story that I will post soon, I hope.