Chapter 12.
Letting the enormity of his words sink in, the great, demanding weight that they carried, she couldn't help but beam at him. She was beaming in a way that was so unequivocally genuine, he wondered why they'd wasted so much time. Why he had. "So what...what are you saying?" She questioned him somewhat reluctantly, all the while watching his big brown eyes intently.
"I'm saying it seems pretty clear to me now that I never really got over you. I thought I had, I mean for fuck sake I'm married?!" Disbelief getting to him quickly now, he chuckled ironically at the realisation. "But apparently, Blake...I've never had a love like ours since and that's frightening but also exciting, you know if we can" he paused, letting a small but eager smile flicker over his lips "be what we were again." He wasn't sure if he was questioning her or himself. Regardless, she parted her lips slowly to respond, he stopped her, stepping a little closer. "But...I um…" he trailed off, wanting to be confident of his decision before saying something he would then swiftly regret. She searched him, her eyes scanning his face hopelessly, yearning to see some sort of hope in the lines of his expression. "I have a baby...on the way, Blake. I can't leave Domino right now." He was reluctant to meet her captivating stare, but he did so nonetheless, breaking him a little watching the sadness emerge on her face. "I have to be there for her, at least until our baby has arrived." He wanted to touch her arm with his hand, to stroke her a little to show comfort and love when his words were so much the opposite. But he didn't, it was simply too dangerous for right now. Instead he settled for a smile, though within a matter of seconds he could see her eyes beginning to gloss over. "Hey, look I'm not saying I don't want to be with you, Blake because as much as I never saw this day coming I think...I think you're my soulmate. And I never believed in soulmates..you know that" he chuckled, "and in reality, I don't even now, but um…" he scratched the back of his head all the while adorning a somewhat childish grin. "Look at how we got back here. I mean, if that's not fate I don't know what is." He pursed his lips as he stared deeply into her eyes, sending messages straight to her soul. "What I'm saying in a rather complex and twisted way is...I didn't want you to wait for me before. You wanted to start a family and there was no way I was ready for that...but um...I guess what I'm asking is...can you wait for me this time?" He felt an ever so slight blow to the stomach when he uttered the last few words of his rather romantic monologue, fearing her rejection would be just a little too much for his broken soul to handle. At first he wasn't sure what she was thinking, worried that his words were not enough and his actions being so distilled and almost non existent he thought he had not done enough. However, somehow, like a bolt of lightening her woeful eyes and twitching hands relaxed and she was smiling at him once again. Nodding so confidently with a beam so bright he could feel himself shaking with emotion now too. "I'll wait for you." She stepped towards him bravely and there was only a mere few inches between them. She parted her lips once more to continue "Because I-" he cut her off with his finger, placing it firmly on her lips. "Not now...we'll save that for another time, okay?" He was trying to smile at her though his hatred for his own actions were heavy. He wanted her to let her continue speaking with all his might but he wanted them to wait. It would mean more when he could act on it. "But...I want to tell you" she was doing that sexy thing with her lips now and he could feel his knees begin to quake. "Don't. Because if you do...I will...have to kiss you. And I…" pushing his tongue to the corner of his mouth, he hesitated once more. "I can't do that right now. I don't wanna be that guy, Blake." Moments passed and their longing stare displayed the enormity of their complex emotions. "I understand" her smile was weak but her heart was stronger, stronger than ever. "I think...I should go." His eyes twitched in irritance as he watched her hair sway to the side as her body twisted for the door. He was behind her in a blink. He wanted to do something. To act. To grab her and kiss her and pour his love into his hands and his lips but he knew he couldn't, so he settled for words instead. "I'll call you...when Domino's had the baby...and then we can um" he couldn't wipe the beam from his face and he was smirking gleefully at her. "We can uh...you know talk about this or…" his eyes shot upwards and he laughed almost tragically, hating himself for what he was about to say. "...not talk about this." She was laughing now, a proper Blake Lively laugh and in that moment he knew why he'd never got rid of that picture. Up until now he had forgotten how much he used to love her, but now he knew and he was so...thankful he remembered. "For the record…" she closed the distance between them a little "I'm opting for the second option…" her lips were twisted and her eyes were demanding and full of lust. He gulped at the sight, feeling a slight tightness in his shorts he grabbed for the door, brushing his face past her hair in the process. "Bye, Blake." She sniggered a little under her breath, impressed by his undeniable powers of restraint. Replying with a blissful smile, she spoke "bye, beautiful."
She was close to her car now but she wanted to look at him one last time, gazing at her longingly from the porch. She tilted her head and smiled warmly at him, watching his eyes catch the faint light from the dark sky. He swallowed all the while keeping his eyes fixated on her, a little mesmerised by her and the power she held over him. She blew him a kiss before giving him a small wave goodbye. He bowed his head and inhaled deeply, feeling suddenly shattered by their encounter. Though his heart was heavy and his mind was running rampid, his smile did not fade. For he knew it would not fade until he saw her again, it would lay resting unapologetically behind his exterior waiting for their second chance to begin.
"Hi…" her voice sounded weak and fragile and this had not gone unnoticed.
"Hey...are you um, are you okay? You sound a little upset?" the need to announce his life changing news subsided rapidly as concern swept through him.
"Yeah...yeah I um...I just got a call from my attorney. She sent off the divorce papers this morning, they should get to me by Thursday.." Though her tones were still weak and fragile there was an undertone of anticipation.
"Wow." He paused letting the weight of her words land quickly on his shoulders. He breathed heavily. "Wow, Blake, that's huge. How do you feel?"
She pressed her lips together in contemplation, allowing her musings to come for fruition and to come to realise her own feelings. "I don't know, really. ...A mixture of things I suppose. I'm sad, nostalgic, I'm...a little bit heartbroken." And the sound of her own words broke his heart a little too and the sense of anticipation in her voice was not something he had picked up on, for he could not hear past the despair in her voice. "But...I'm excited too." A small smile crept over her lips and though he could not see it...for the first time, he relaxed a little. Rubbing his forehead as he too came to terms with his feelings and the moment surrounding them. "Yeah...well I'm glad you're excited, you should be...I am too actually..." Her smile quickly widened though she was unaware he was not excited for the reasons she had hoped. "I'm uh...officially a Dad."
"Oh...oh wow." She tried to sound thrilled, to demonstrate happiness and enthusiasm through her tone but somehow that was hopelessly impossible. "Penn, that's amazing. I'm so...so happy for you." On the exterior she was smiling but underneath it all her stomach was in knots for the fear she had made an irreversible mistake. What if he'd changed his mind? But somehow she plucked up the courage to put him first and display a brave face. "So is everything okay? With Dominio and the baby?"
"Yeah, it is. Everyone is fine. Well…." he paused "except me." The knots in her stomach tightened. "You see I uh, I've just had a baby with my wife…" his tongue glazed over his upper lip as he reflected on what he was about to say. "But I can't stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend."
Blake's smile immediately transformed into a wild beam. "Oh...well Zoe is one lucky lady" she joked.
"Not her." He was beaming now too and for the first time since he saw her last, he felt content.
"Kayla?"
"Nope wrong again."
"Do you want me to go through them all?" Talking to him was like waking up from a deep and uncomfortable sleep and just hearing his voice sent butterflies to her stomach.
"No." He laughed a little before continuing. "Do you have any plans Saturday night?"
"No...although Robyn and I were going to have a game night. I bought Scrabble."
"I know how much you like a game night but...I don't think you're gonna wanna miss this. Meet me in Tribeca. Saturday night. 8pm. I'll text you the address. Okay?" His voice was coy but confident and she could almost see the smirk on his face.
"Yeah...okay."
"Good."
Though his confidence was paramount and his delight was evident she could still hear a slight sense of trepidation in his voice. "Hey, Penn?"
"Yeah?"
"It's gonna be okay. I promise." Letting air escape audibly from his nose he smiled once more.
"You still know me, don't you?"
"Always" she muttered softly.
It felt like the longest drive of her life, though in reality it had been less than 45 minutes, her persistent thoughts and churning stomach made the journey almost unbearable. Though, in spite of all of that she was the most excited she had been in a long time. Her pulse rate quickened as her sat nav warned her she was close to her destination. It was a quiet street for New York, filled with quaint, yet attractive townhouses and the odd person bumbling along. After making a few more turns, she pulled up outside. Seeing that the driveway was uninhabited filled her with trepidation. Was he even here yet? It was five minutes to eight and he was never one for being late. But then it dawned on her, perhaps he had become a subway guy now? Giving herself a quick glance in the rear view mirror she flicked at a few strands of hair and pulled Guerlain's N'22 Satin from her purse for a top up. She spent the next few moments plumping up her lips and attentively checking her appearance before taking in one long, deep breath. She caught her reflection in the mirror once more and a weighty beam fell over her lips. She looked good and she knew it. Filled with this much needed confidence boost she clasped hold of her clutch, took a hold of her keys and made her way out of the car and towards the house.