Again: Sorry for the delay! I'm still working hard on this story. Enjoy! ;)

Chapter 24: Carpe Diem

A few miles back into Fiore we set up camp in the woods. Erza basically orders me to sit down while the others do all the work. 'You've done enough today.'

'More than nearly dying?' mumbles Gray, referring, of course, to himself and Natsu being drained of magic to the point their lives were in danger. It's really a miracle they're both already back on their feet, though Erza doesn't seem to think so. Even worse: she gets annoyed by Gray's comment, but he runs off to get water from the river before she can knock him on the head.

I sit down against a tree, eat some apples and watch as the tents are set up. I notice Erza put my bag in her enormous tent. Again.

I open up my sense of smell, which I closed to protect myself from the curses roaming in Bosco's forest. Like any time when my nose is opened again, all the scents of the world come rushing at me, making it impossible to determine which one goes where.

I close my eyes for just a second to let it sink in, and when I open them again hours have passed.

I blink a few times, disoriented. For the first time in years I wake up feeling fine, which is strange. My mother warned me about my nightmares becoming worse, but I just straight up didn't have one despite falling into a deep sleep.

My stomach makes noises. I smell curry. Lucy is stirring the pot with a big spoon. Natsu and Happy are dancing around the fire, almost as if they're doing a tribal pre-dinner ritual. I see Erza's shadow moving around in her own tent. Gray sits not far away from me, chewing on some leftover vegetable.

None of them have noticed I'm awake yet, which makes me feel like an outsider looking at a group of friends, a group I myself am not a part of. It's the complete opposite of when we all stood side by side on the cliff, looking out over Bosco.

I stare at my guildmates and slowly realize this trip has brought me back to the very beginning. I can't tell them about you or the conversation we had. I have to hide what's really troubling me, meaning I'm unable to create any kind of relationship with another person. And that sucks.

I stare at Gray, who's sitting closest to me. He looks like his normal pale self again, the grumpy guy who punches you in the face to let you know he appreciates you. Though I've known Erza the longest out of all these people, Gray has seen through my bullshit more than anyone. I think Gray is cool, but he has a way of being scary too. Or rather: I'm scared of him being disappointed in me. If I have to lie about Bosco, he'll surely be pissed.

I'm so lost in thought I almost don't see Gray's begun to stare back at me.

'You alright?' he asks.

'Uh, yeah,' I answer, and I instinctively sit up straight. 'How are you feeling?'

'Better.' He turns his attention back to the fire, but I can tell he wants to say more. He frowns to himself, as if he doesn't know how to put it. Eventually he looks at me again and says: 'Thank you. For getting me back.'

He says it with such honesty I'm taken aback a little. Natsu and Happy now notice I'm awake as well. In a matter of seconds Natsu has wrapped one arm around my neck and Happy is pressing himself against my chest. 'Yes! Thank you so, so much!'

I cough something along the lines of 'Sure thing, you guys would've done the same.'

'Oh, shut up,' says Gray, but he's not implying I actually shut up, 'no need to be humble about it.'

To all of them, I'm a hero. Definitely not used to this feeling, but I don't mind it. For a minute. I look at Lucy for help and at first she does nothing but give me the same thankful googly eyes, but then she says: 'Allright, dinner's ready.'

Natsu and Happy let me go and I can breathe again. Everyone gathers around the fire, plates are handed out and no one says anything for a while. Lucy insists I eat three whole plates, which is more than I can take, but I don't have much of a choice. I can tell Natsu's jealous, though he doesn't say it.

With every bite I think about what I'll say when asked about Bosco. So far I haven't gone into much detail of what happened there. I feel my throat closing up the longer I eat. I'm not looking forward to telling lies again, but none of these people can know. For their own sakes.

When I've emptied my last plate I hand it back to Lucy, who puts it with the other dishes in the empty pan. She pinches Natsu, who lies in the grass next to her, in the stomach. 'You'll do them, right?'

Natsu doesn't flinch, I doubt he even felt it with that rock hard torso of his. He just yawns. 'I'm kinda tired. Nearly dying takes a lot out of you, you know.'

'We're all exhausted,' says Erza, 'we all need to rest. So the quicker you're finished, the sooner you can sleep.'

Natsu groans, but doesn't dare to protest. Erza then glares at Gray, who rolls his eyes and stands up to help as well.

Lucy turns to Erza. 'Do we take the same route back tomorrow?'

'I think so,' Erza says, 'unless you feel more comfortable taking a detour.'

Following the same route back means we'll be passing the Heartfilia estate again. Lucy blushes, seemingly from embarrassment, but manages to fake a smile. 'I would, actually.'

I watch Natsu and Gray gather the dishes and disappear between the trees together with Happy, on their way to the river. Erza gives me a smile I don't know what to do with and disappears back into her enormous tent. Lucy relights the fire.

I sit there, baffled. Everyone's just picking up the journey where it left off. As if Bosco didn't happen. Of course I don't like being the centre of attention, but it feels strange not to be asked anything.

No one seems to care. Not even Erza.

My eyes drift over to Erza's shadow in her tent and I wonder whether I should ask her why. She was the one who planned this terrible trip, the one who did the research which turned out to be all wrong. But she acts the same as everyone else.

I need to clear my head. The past twenty four hours have been nothing but anxiousness, anger, running around, all resulting in the creation of liters of sweat. Normally I drown my own smell out as to not get distracted from others, but I imagine I don't give off the best aroma. Diving into some ice cold river sounds like a plan.

Then I remember my bag's in Erza's tent. Just like last time we camped I have to go in there to get my stuff and have some awkward, dodgy conversation because we're both hiding things from one another.

Half sighing I stand up. When I enter she's sitting at her desk, just like last time. She looks up from whatever she's doing, quickly smiles and returns to her work. Some writing, I think.

'I...uh,' I stutter, and already regret everything, 'I'm gonna wash up.'

Don't know why I bother telling her. I walk past her desk to where my backpack is.

'There's a lake not far from here,' she says without looking up, 'just a couple minutes South.'

The opposite of where Natsu and Gray were going.

'Cool,' I reply, and leave more frustrated than when I entered. Just from that short interaction I can tell she's pretending everything's alright and I hate that. I'm very aware I'm doing the same thing, but it's worse when I see her do it.

After about ten minutes of supposedly going South through the dark forest I find myself standing still at the banks of a lake. The water is so calm I nearly miss it. The moon reflects onto the surface like a blindingly white porcelain disk. Aside from a few birds there are no animals around and I hear nothing but the water splashing calmly against some rocks when the wind creates ripples in the middle.

'What the…' I whisper. I stand there for a minute or so, wondering if this is real. The anger I felt just now fades a little.

I drop my backpack, take off my clothes, pile them up behind a rock and step into the water. I quickly go under as not to waste time getting adjusted to the temperature. It takes my breath away a little, but it's not too bad.

I swim till my feet can't reach the bottom anymore. With my hands I brush my stupidly long hair out of my face. I tread around aimlessly, still asking myself if I just walked into a dream. Or a curse, which seems more likely, though I don't see any signs.

Speaking of dreams: where was my nightmare? I sure don't miss it, but it is weird not having one. At the moment I don't feel strong enough to try contacting my mother in one way or another and part of me doesn't really want an explanation. The flames are also awfully quiet this evening and part of me just wants it to be like this all the time.

I hold my breath and go under again. I decide to ask her tomorrow morning. Right now, I just want to be here.

When I come back up I sense a presence at the bank. I'm completely naked, so I make sure to keep the water level at my chin when I turn to see who it is. Not that I'm ashamed of what I look like, I'm just not comfortable enough with myself to be naked around strangers.

Or people I know, for that matter, because the person at the bank is not a stranger. Erza steps into the moonlight, wearing a bathing suit, holding what appears to be a bar of soap.

I'm not exactly happy to see her. I nearly roll my eyes at her, because I should've known this would happen, she being the one telling me about this place.

'I just came to drop this off,' she says, 'c'mon, you know you can't properly wash yourself with just water.'

I try saying something along the lines of "I guess" but it comes out as a weird gurgle. I step closer to the bank while remaining mostly underwater, but to take the soap from Erza I have to come up a little. Before I can do so, she asks: 'Want me to wash your back?'

I would've liked to say no if I could, but I know deep down I can't keep giving her the cold shoulder. I can pretend to distance myself all I want, but the moment I actually can't see her anymore I'm lost. There was a moment in Bosco I felt that.

This is hard for me to understand, just imagine what that's like for her. Honestly, I would've given up on me years ago, but she didn't. And now she's here to wash my back.

Without saying a word I turn around and sit down on my knees, so my back is completely above water. I hear some splashing and soon enough I feel Erza's hands on my skin. The pleasant smell of citrus fills the air around us as she soaps not only my shoulders and back, but also my hair.

We say nothing for a while. We have tons and tons of things to talk about, but we both don't know where to begin. Jellal, Siegrain, the Tower of Heaven, Simon, Mystogan, and I could add Bosco to the list.

We remain silent. After minutes have passed, Erza suddenly giggles.

'What?' I ask. I bring my hands up to my hair and find several locks pointing straight up. Erza used the soap to mold them into a mohawk.

I lean forward to see my own reflection in the water of the lake. The pointy locks fall to the side of my head as soon as I move, but I get a glimpse of it.

'Hm,' I say, 'does it work for me, though?'

'No,' says Erza, 'but you do look better with your hair up.'

'Then I should probably cut it off.'

'That's a bit extreme. Maybe try a ponytail first.'

I look at her over my shoulder. 'Seriously?'

'Why not?'

I shake my head. 'You already gave me "Starlight" as a last name, that's about as girly as I can stand to be.'

'I don't think it's girly at all. And even if it is, what's wrong with that?'

'I dunno. Just not really me.' This is about all I can take of this fake conversation. We're both dancing around the real one. Drives me nuts.

I swim back into the lake and dive under to wash the soap off. When I come back up Erza's swimming right next to me. I instinctively move away, which makes her frown. 'It's just me.'

I open my mouth but I have no idea what to say. She looks at me for a couple seconds and then dives under. She pops back up a few arm lengths further. I go after her.

'Sorry,' I say when I'm close enough, 'I'm just…'

'A mess?' she says.

Before I can answer she's gone underwater again. This time she pops up closer to the bank, where the water's not that deep. She stands up, her back turned to me, the water reaches just around her waist. She combs her wet hair with her fingers and pushes it all over one shoulder.

I stay where I am and kind of stare, like a creep. Again have this urge to be close to her and at the same time I don't.

I half swim, half walk over to where she is and stand still behind her. I slowly wrap my arms around her, rest my chin on her shoulder and softly pull her back further into the water. She places her own hands over mine holding her and presses her head against my cheek.

Again, we say nothing. We drift around, half walking wherever we can reach the bottom.

I don't know how long this moment lasted. It felt like floating, almost, with just the moon around to witness.

I'm the one who eventually breaks it. 'What's wrong?'

Erza has started to tremble. She's squeezing my hands almost painfully hard. She doesn't answer. I try freeing myself so I can look her in the eyes, but she won't let me.

'Hey,' I try again, 'I'm here.'

I don't know what else I can say. Saying "I'm here" feels strange in itself when I know I will be leaving her again in one year.

She takes a deep breath and says: 'I know. I'm sorry.'

Her grip around my hands softens. I carefully remove my arms and swim around her so I can see her face. She refuses to look me in the eyes.

'Don't be,' I say. Hesitantly, I add: 'We'll figure it out.'

She nods slowly and not very convincing. 'I guess we have to.'

However the conversation about the big pile of problems we've built up over the years will start, it will end with us being different people. We both know it.

Erza lifts her face slightly, and looks at something behind me, though I doubt it's all that interesting. 'Riku, why are we like this?'

Now I'm sure we're talking about the same thing, and it's the closest we've come to discussing it.

'I...don't know,' I say, 'I guess we've always been like this.'

Despite my tendency to overanalyze everything, I have no idea why we've made things so difficult for ourselves. I blame your flames for a lot, but every now and then I wonder whether things would really be all that different if they weren't around.

Sometimes I even go as far as to think Erza wouldn't care all that much about me if we hadn't gone to the Tower of Heaven together. Those shared experiences are really what binds us.

What else do I have to offer her? I'm a socially awkward mess adoring a woman who gets hundreds of love letters from all around the world on a daily basis. Princes want her to be their queen. She could be ruling kingdoms if she wanted, but she stuck around with me. A guy who has basically nothing. I'm not funny, I look weird, I have no skills besides whining. Maybe an average swordfighter at best.

'Thank you,' I say, before I really think about it. Erza's confused as well, but at least she's looking me in the eyes now. I then add: 'For not giving up on me.'

She stares at me some more, and looks a little more like her old self. 'If I give up on you now, I would be giving up on myself.'

All I can think is: that's it. That's all it is.

I'm partially right about the shared experiences. Our lives have been shaped around each other, it's no wonder certain feelings blossom. We even confessed them a couple times so far, but this was different. There was no mysticality around it.

We need each other. That's it.

We stood there in the lake for some time. I think we were both just kind of taking it in. It was liberating, honestly. There was a lot more to unpack, but weren't afraid anymore. We knew we could figure it out. Together.

Slowly, everything around us faded away. The water, the trees, the moon, the stars. I couldn't hear anything else beside our breathing. It almost seemed as if we travelled back in time, standing opposite of each other on the Cathedral Square while a band is playing an intoxicating song that makes us do things we wouldn't dare to otherwise.

I don't remember who moved first. One moment we're standing still, the next we're wrapped up in one another. We kiss, we touch, we explore. We remove one of the many barriers we put up between the two of us.

So yeah. We had sex. That's all I'll say about it to you. It feels weird telling you about that stuff, just like my first kiss, though it is part of my life. It certainly was this past year.

After that first time we lay down in the grass and kind of laughed. I was for sure wondering if what we just did was the right thing, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

I roll on my side and say: 'Let's go away together. Just us. No quests, no jobs. A vacation, sort of.'

Erza sits up, pushes my hair out of my face and pokes my nose. 'I'd like that.'

'Good. And then we'll talk.'

She kisses me. 'Then we'll talk.'

We dive into the lake one more time before heading back to camp. I put my backpack on the same spot in Erza's enormous tent. Erza falls asleep as soon as she lies down in the giant bed, but I stay up a little longer.

This was for sure the weirdest day of my life. It pretty much started off when I woke up crying, then I met my mother, then I bantered with Gray, then we reached Bosco and I nearly got thrown out of my body by the flames, then Natsu got his magic taken away, Erza, me and Gray went to get it back, Erza and Gray got cursed, Gray got drained, I sent Erza away and went to Underlind, where I met the people of Bosco and you, heard your grand plan, decided I wasn't going along with it, went back to Erza and the others, realized I had to lie again, got irritated by Erza, reconciled with Erza, and now I'm here.

There was barely any time to grasp the fact that I have one year left. I have one year to figure out what to do when I meet you again, meaning this could very well be the last year of my life.

That just hits me as I'm sitting on the side of Erza's bed. We're just on good terms again and for a minute I was so happy I forgot everything else.

The next morning I wake up soaking wet. I roll out of bed, hit the ground face first and then feel how much I'm wheezing. My arm muscles are sore, as if I just spent an hour lifting weights.

Conclusion: the nightmare came and it came hard.

I first focus on breathing. I close my eyes and call for the golden magic. Apparently one of my arms is covered in black flames and I have one wing erupting from my shoulder blade, which is basically a partial transformation.

I continue to lay on the ground, unable to move as I force the flames back. When I'm sure they're gone, I open my eyes again. Erza's sitting beside me on her knees, pale as a sheet.

I push myself up into a sitting position. 'Are you alright? Did I burn you?'

She shakes her head. 'Not even the bed. Just you.'

Then I see the empty bucket next to her. She used it to throw water on me. It did little against the flames, but it did wake me up.

'It was bad,' she says softly.

'I know,' I say, even though I barely remember what I dreamt, 'but I promise you: it was the same as-'

'Riku, you cried for your mother.'

I stare at her. It kind of makes sense, and yet it doesn't. My mother never appears in the nightmare herself, only in the memory. It feels troublesome to explain that to Erza at the moment. I barely understand it myself.

'That is...weird,' I say instead, 'but I'm fine now. Really.'

Erza's pale face doesn't change. I take one of her hands in mine and she kind of looks at it. Then, almost whispering, she says: 'I just hate seeing you like that. Not being able to do anything.'

She must've gotten the water only minutes ago. She was woken up by me screaming bloody murder. She tried shaking my burning, crying body, called my name, told me everything was alright, but I never heard any of it. She ran to the nearest river, filled a bucket with ice cold water and ran back and watched me wake up like a fish on dry land, gasping for air.

I squeeze her hand. 'I'm sorry.'

'There isn't much you can do about it, right?'

'Maybe.' I let go of her hand and reach over to the empty bucket. 'I guess this sort of worked.'

'So from now on I just have to throw water on you every morning?'

At the mention of "every morning" I kind of blush, since it indicates we'll be waking up next to one another a lot more.

'I know it's not very romantic,' I say with the best joking voice I can manage, 'but it's this or me wetting the bed.'

She smiles a little. 'I guess so.' Then she leans towards me and kisses me quickly. 'Just don't die next to me, then.'

I know I can't make any promises, but I still kiss her back. 'Of course not.'

Then we hear footsteps right next to the tent. Lucy's voice follows: 'Everything OK?'

As if we've been caught Erza and I move away from one another and in unison yell: 'Yes!'

Next we hear a high pitched giggle, which is coming from Happy.

There's really no need to feel awkward about whatever it is Erza and I have. It's pretty obvious to anyone with decent eyes that there is something between us. I just don't like the attention people like to give it. Or attention in general.

After I've dried off the river water, I decide to face everyone the best I can. I take a deep breath and walk out Erza's tent as if it's the most normal thing in the world. The initial reactions from the others aren't as wild as I imagined: Lucy just kind of smiles at me, Gray and Natsu don't even bother to look up. The only one I have to worry about is Happy.

All the while during breakfast he stares at me and giggles to himself. Eventually he flies over to me and whispers in my ear: 'So do you lllooove her?'

I look around, but at the moment everyone else is busy packing their things. Despite being a creature with working eyes, he feels the need to ask me this. So I turn to him and say: 'Do you?'

Not the most intricate question, but it keeps him busy for a while. When everyone's packed up and we're basically ready to go, he comes flying back and says: 'As a friend; yes.'

It takes me a second to remember what this is about. I was trying to find a spot to contact my mother, but I guess I'll have to do that later. Then I nod. 'Good. Then there's no competition left.'

I basically just admitted to being Erza's...whatever. Partner? I don't know, but Happy sees this as the world's greatest riddle. Lucy, who stands close enough to hear it, laughs behind her hand.

And then we're off to the guild. We take the detour, going all the way around the Heartfilia estate. I walk beside Erza this time and we're so close our hands keep brushing against one another, but we don't hold. It's just a teeny tiny display of affection, which confuses Happy even more.

At one point he goes to Natsu for advice. He whispers, but everyone around understands him perfectly. 'Do you think they're together?'

'Huh?' says Natsu. 'I dunno. Does it matter?'

Happy gasps in horror. 'Of course it does! Young love is important!'

'Why?' asks Natsu.

'Because...well...it just is!'

We reach Magnolia late in the afternoon. Everything's the way it should be, even the guild looks the same as when we left (which doesn't happen very often).

'Let's have a drink,' says Gray, 'to celebrate.'

There's a tiny voice inside me wondering what the hell we have to celebrate, since this whole trip was a disaster, but everyone else thinks it's a great idea, so I'm dragged off into the guildhall anyway.

Upon entering we're greeted by other members of Fairy Tail, mostly the ones who barely go out on jobs: Mirajane, Wakabe, Macao, Cana. The guidmaster sits on top of the bar drinking wine as usual, and slightly raises his glass when he sees us.

We pick a random table to sit down at and Mira already comes around carrying two trays filled with jugs of beer.

'Oh,' she says, when she notices I'm there as well, 'would you like a soda, maybe?'

I know she's trying to be polite. My relationship with alcohol is not that well-known in the guild, Mira is one of the few people aware of it. I feel all eyes at the table turn to me, so I stutter: 'N-no, it's fine. One should be fine.'

Before things can really get awkward, Natsu has raised his jug. 'Cheers! To Riku!'

'To Riku!' the others shout, which really catches me off guard. The rest of the guild turns their heads to look at us, then raise their glasses and jugs as well. In a matter of seconds the entirety of Fairy Tail is chanting my name, even though most of the members have no idea why. They just hear a reason to party.

'T-thanks,' I stutter whenever there's a silence, 'you can stop now.'

My face is almost the colour of Erza's hair, that's how uncomfortable I felt. Gray laughed out loud, which he doesn't do very often, and bumped his fist against my shoulder. 'Loosen up a little! We're back, we're safe. Forget about the other stuff.'

There are a bunch of things he could refer to by saying "other stuff". Why he's not asking about Bosco, for example.

Instead of questioning, I raise my beer. 'Right. Good job, everyone.'

Gray shakes his head. 'You're such a grandpa.'

In the meantime, Natsu and Happy have snuck away and are now going around the guild telling everyone a heroic version of what occured in Bosco: I defeated a giant squid. I get impressed looks from guildmembers left and right, which makes me want to crawl into a corner and disappear even more.

Erza grabs my hand and I look up.

'Enjoy it,' she says, 'you deserve it.'

A few hours pass, we eat dinner, Gray and Natsu start a fight, Erza breaks it up, and I try my best to fade into the background when the big brawl begins, hoping everyone forgets the tale of Riku Starlight the Savior.

They should forget about me anyway. In one year I will be gone.

After meeting you I'd made up my mind that I would oppose you, but that's a lot harder in reality. I feel as if I can't enjoy the time I still have left when I know it ends with you. I hate that you still have control over me.

The brawl of fighting Fairy Tail members now rolls around the guildhall like tumbleweed, dragging in people left and right. Erza's somewhere in there too, and Lucy's about to be sucked in, despite her efforts to run away from it.

I just watch. I don't have the urge to join in myself, but part of me wonders what's so fun about it.

There is a pause where the brawl breaks apart. Some people take this time to tap out, Gray and Natsu just yell at each other over nothing. For some reason, Elfman thinks he can break off this fight and he makes his way over to them. He fails to see the floor around Gray is covered in ice and as soon as Elfman steps onto it he slips, makes a complete salto mid air and lands on his ass. I'm somehow the only one who sees it happen, because no one around him reacts.

And I don't know why, but that just hit me right in the funny bone. I start laughing like I've never done before. My mouth is wide open, my shoulders are shrugging rapidly, my eyes are filled with tears and my stomach hurts. It's hysterical, but not in a bad way.

The entire guild around me falls silent. That scruffy looking guy, the shy one, is making a noise no one has ever heard from him before. I know all eyes are on me now, but I can't stop.

This is the moment I know I can't go back to my old ways. I can't fade into the background anymore, because I want friendship, comradery, love. I want to fix things with Erza. I want to banter with Gray. I want to see my siblings again. I want to be happy, even if it's just for one year.

So I kept on laughing. At the end of the night, Erza went home with me. The next morning we went on our vacation.