Well, That Took a Turn.
-A Slight Violence Warning at the end of the chapter as well as a Homophobic Warning throughout the entire chapter.-
- Dipper's POV -
My weekend has been hell. Not that kind of hell where everyone just ignores you or messes with you non-stop. I mean the love kind of hell... you know, you don't know if you like someone or not. One moment, I keep denying it, and the next, I'm accepting it. The thought or feeling was just all over my head. Any negative thoughts, boom! There it was, wanting me to do something with it! It is an excellent temporary thought to remove the negative effects from my brain, but... it does comes with a dose of its own. I keep thinking it's wrong for me to like someone of the same gender, which confuses me because I accept people for loving their own gender, just not me. When it comes to me, I don't affirm who I am. Maybe that's why I keep denying it. As long as I don't tell anyone this, then we're good. Right?
``Hey, Mason.`` I lifted my head from the desk and look over to Tom, who had the look of asking a question. What's wrong?
``Need help with a math problem?`` I jokingly asked, attempting to guess his questions. We were in our final class sessions, only 20 minutes before it ended, and then we're free from school. I sat up straight and prepared myself for what he had to ask.
``Not this time.`` I hear him let out a snicker. ``It's a different question. Me and Jade were wondering- since we're already gaining attention from the opposite gender, what's happening on your end?`` I widened my eyes a bit. I know where this is exactly going. They're going to talk about all of that relationship stuff and their fantasy. But what's happening on my end? I don't think you want to know Tom, especially the way you word that question. ``Mistakes, a little failure here and there.`` I answered.
``Awww, did every other girl reject you?`` Jade guessed, chuckling to herself as Tom joins in.
``More like, I didn't have the confidence to ask them out.`` I muttered, looking away from them in embarrassment.
``It's alright, Mason. We all get times like these. Sometimes, someone doesn't like us, and sometimes they do.`` Tom said with a gentle smile. ``Did you at least have some crushes?`` The two gave me their full uninvited attention, wanting to know more about my failed love life. It's not essential to know anyways, so why mention it so soon? Then again, if I don't respond to their question, they would beg me for it. Ugh, I wish they never asked this, because the current situations about what happened between me and Kahlil is catching up to me. No matter how hard I try to push it back, I just can't seem to stop thinking about him...
``I think he does~`` I flinched when I heard Jade's voice. ``He is getting flustered a bit, is there something trailing on your mind, Mason? A beautiful girl walking down the hallways?`` I turned my head over to Tom, who looked smug as hell, same with Jade by his side. At this point, I think my face is red as a tomato. ``Uh... it's a bit confusing...`` I muttered.
``Confusing..?`` Tom said, tilting his head.
``You wouldn't understand at all.`` I said, turning away from them, hiding my face. Don't say anything about it, even if they are desperate for it. I have to not let myself slip because if I do, anyone or the jerk group, including Jason, may pick on me about having a crush on a boy. That would ... lead to much worse cases than I've been getting from them. ``What do you mean? We do understand!`` Jade chirped, although I hear the confusion tone in her voice.
``You don't need to hide this "secret crush" from us any longer. We're your friends, we'll have your back no matter how tough it is.`` Tom said. I want to say a fake statement to see their reactions, but... I'm just a person who assumes if I tell, then they may not like me. And then, the whole school knows, and I get bullied for it constantly, and I don't want that. I don't want to hide it any longer, either.
``Alright. You're right, I do have a crush on someone, although it's nothing that you guys are thinking.`` I begin to say, slowly turning my head back to them. I gulped, feeling a wave of nervousness overcome me. I observed their expressions, eager to know, desperate to learn. Please don't make fun of me, please don't make fun of me. ``I-I... uh, I... don't- I-I'm not crushing on a girl.`` I said. Of course, I had to stutter in the first part of the sentence. It's so much easier to say it in my head, why is it so hard to say it out loud?!
I sat in silence, staring at their shocked expressions. ``... I know it's wrong...`` I said quietly.
``It is wrong!`` I flinched, hearing the sudden outburst from Tom's voice. He seemed angry and disgusted at the truth. Well... there goes my chance of becoming who I am as a person. ``How did this happen?`` He asked. Oh. I don't know; maybe I hanged out with Kahlil a little too much to the point I fell for him? Oh god, I think I'm blushing again... ``I don't know, it just happened.`` I answered with empty tones, even though the nervousness in my voice slipped through. I have a terrible feeling it was the wrong idea to tell them about this crush... of mines.
``How? You can't just say it just happened! You can't like boys! Boys can't like other boys! There's just no possible way!`` Tom said. Then explain how they do! I let out an unease sigh as I noticed Jade hasn't said a word ever since I told the truth. Is she agreeing with what he is saying, or is she keeping her opinions to herself? ``... Yeah, I know.`` I quietly lied. She looks sad... feeling pity for me? Tom... let me ask you a question, how do you explain feelings for another person? Suddenly you fall for a girl and say it just happened. The feelings appear right then and there; it's the same thing with the same gender! What's so wrong about it? ``Forget it, that can't be true. I know you have a crush on a girl.`` Tom said, denying it. I don't, Tom... there's no possible way you can have two crushes at the same time... unless I'm wrong. ``Yeah ...`` I said, trailing off a bit.
``Maybe after school, we can find you the perfect one.`` Tom said, looking away from me. "Perfect one" is that the same meaning of true love? I don't... I don't think... I can keep this up any longer. I knew I should have just kept it to myself. Look where it ended up! At least only Tom and Jade knows... Jason can't find out, he just can't! Along with his pals. I turned away and looked out the window.
I'm not telling anyone anything anymore.
I opened the Mystery Shack door, noticing that the gift shop was closed today, and only Uncle Stan was at the counter, cleaning up his business around it. I waved to him even though I knew he would ignore it. I made my way through the hallway that leads to the staircase. Uncle Ford must have been down in the basement, such a quiet day. I would love it to stay home from school every day. Things just can't work like that. I head up the stairs and into the shared room where the door was opened. Mabel must have arrived. She did say she wanted her homework done before she goes out with her friends. I frowned and entered in before seeing her on the bed. ``Hello, Dip! How was your day?`` She said with a smile.
I smiled faintly before sitting on my bed, ``I don't know.`` I muttered before placing my binder on it. I looked up and noticed my sister was sitting up from lying down. She looked a bit sad, ``You don't know?`` She tilted her head. ``Did someone made you sink deep into the depths today?``
``Maybe...`` I muttered. I heard notice from my phone as I grab it and open it. Looks like Tom and Jade are ready to go. It also looks like I can take a friend... would Lee be up for it?
``Oh. That's why you look so dull or nervous, your friends are inviting you for a hangout!`` Mabel chirped. ``I'm so proud of you, Dipper!``
I chuckled and looked back up to her. ``Thanks...``
``No, no, thank you for looking out for yourself. Maybe then I don't need to help you on the friendship part... but the romantic part... I definitely need to help you with that.`` She said.
``No, you don't!`` I snapped.
``Yes, I do! You got rejected multiple times; just let your big sister take care of the rest!`` Mabel said, standing up, proud. "Big sister?"
``Excuse me, but we're twins. How can you be the big sibling of this?`` I asked.
``Oh. If you haven't known already, I was born before you were, so I am the big twin sister of this!`` She giggled, walking over to me.
``Oh. So I get to be the little twin brother? How foolish is that.`` I said. Although, I do see it happening... maybe she is supposed to be it even if she is the alpha twin... I let out a sigh as I was pulled up from my bed. ``It's not foolish as you think, brother. It's great, actually! I can look after you.``
``Not like I needed it already.`` I said, sending Lee's last message and telling the other two, "I'll be on my way." I looked back up to my sister.
``I think you do. In the future, you will.`` She said before letting my wrist go. ``Now, you must get ready! Your friends are waiting!``
``Thanks. I know, I'm just waiting for Lee to respond.`` I said, and at the same time, another buzz went off. I turned and looked at my phone. Oh, thank god... now I don't have to feel uncomfortable around Tom. ``I think that's your cue-``
``I know! Jeez!`` I said, interrupting her. ``I am going. Are you happy now?`` I walked away from her and got some fresh clothes to change in the bathroom. ``Yes. I hope you will be happy too.`` She chirped. I slowly looked over at her genuine smile. I manage to smile faintly but not for long. I know what this hang out is... or do we even call it a "hang out"? I sighed and left for the bathroom. I changed, got ready, and told my family I will be back later. I told Lee to meet me up to where the Mystery Shack's entrance path, the same thing I mentioned to Kahlil two days ago. I felt my face getting warm as I squealed. ``Oh god. Is saying his name gonna make me blush every time?!`` Let's just avoid his name then! Gosh... I'm a mess.
``I got here fast, just in time for our walk!`` Lee said, happy as a cheerful little child.
``You didn't need to run... You can take your time if you want.`` I said, watching my friend.
``I don't want to keep you waiting. Infact, I was excited to hang out with you today.`` He smiled, making me smile a bit. Lee is too pure for this world.
``Just be careful. Don't trip like you did last time.`` I said, looking ahead.
``Yeah... I've been trying to keep my best at that the longest, but I guess my excitement can't calm down.`` He said, chuckling nervously. ``We're meeting other people, right?``
``Yeah... my other two friends.`` I slowly said. Do I even call them friends? I thought friends were supposed to support and look out for each other. That phrase what Tom said before was a lie. All he did was just say it's wrong. Maybe it's his beliefs, and I can't change that, but... shoving it onto people to make them change is... not the way to go. ``Are you okay, Mason?`` I flinched and looked back over to a concerned Lee.
``I'm fine. Just thinking, like always,`` I muttered.
``Alright... just, you've been... duller this time around.`` He said.
`` "Duller"? `` I looked confused. Has he been observing how I've been addressing myself to be?
``Yeah. Being dull is terrible, but... I guess it's common around you. So I marked it general, but... in recent times, you became duller, which is not normal. So I just wanted to make sure you're okay.`` He said. ``You know, if you want to talk about something, I'm here!``
I can't help but smile. Why do people smiling make me smile all of a sudden?! Is something horrible going to happen next? Ugh, this gut feeling isn't wearing off. Maybe it's time to head back-
``Oh, look! We're here. At the mall. Ooo, are we going to go shopping again?`` Lee said, bouncing up and down.
``Uh. It's not really my thing, but I think Jade can take you if she agrees.`` I said, smiling at him.
``Really? I hope!`` He chirped. Just calm down, who knows who will be picking on us next. We both halted in front of the group, where I recognize Tom in there, although Jade was the first to notice us as she walked over. She greeted us as I introduce Lee to her. I think they got along, not quite sure. Seeing Jade is... she seems to be uneasy with everything. I asked her if she was okay. Jade told us she's alright. She only mentioned about being anxious about Tom's actions and the group. I got a bit curious and asked, but Tom walked up to us before I could. He greeted my friend with open arms, but I quickly decline it. I didn't intervene. I just don't trust him. And then the rest of the people join in, and my face melted. ... He's friends with Jason and John?!
Oh, this is bad, this is bad. Did Tom tell them?! I was having a mini panic attack as Lee was trying to calm me down. I don't want to be here! For all of the people he picked was them?! Why them?! We went ahead and walked into Jungle Fall's Mall. The front group, including Tom, Jason, John, and Jade, were chatting like birds. While Lee and I were silent, well, almost. Lee was still trying to make me feel relax, but I just couldn't. My school bullies are in the group that I don't want to be in. As long as Lee is here by my side, I won't panic and freak out. I feel frightened. I want to go home.
``Mason. Relax! Nothing is going to happen. Of course, I'm with many strangers, but that doesn't mean I'm going to leave your side.`` Lee said, stopping me from walking.
``Your too kind for this.`` I said.
``Is that a bad thing?`` He asked as I look at him with his unsure expression.
``It's not... I'm just surprised that someone like you treats me normal.`` I said, hugging myself.
``Of course! You're my friend, I will never treat you differently! Hey, I still owe you for that save when we first met.`` He said.
``You don't owe me anything, it was nothing. It was just a good deed that I could do, and I don't regret it one bit.`` I said.
``I'm still going to owe it to you.`` He said. I sighed. Well, one side is, he's stubborn. I won't argue with him on that. I'll let him do as he pleases.
``Alright, I won't stop you.`` I said, growing silent once more. I still feel unsafe here, and this gut feeling is getting worse and worse. I stared down at the floor, hugging myself ever so tightly. Do I need to pass out just to escape this? I don't want that... we don't need that... Jason and John might add that to the list of "Torturing Dipper" or whatever list they have in their heads.
``Hey. Lee, is it?`` I heard Jade's voice as me, and Lee looked over and nodded. She smiled and seemed much brighter than before. That's good.
``Wanna go look at the clothes shop?`` She asked. I looked over at Lee, who's face lit up like a thousand stars. He nodded repeatedly and was excited like a light bulb. ``Yes!``
``Alright, then let's go!`` Jade said before walking over to the shopping area. Lee begins to walk but stopped. He turned to me and said, ``Will you be alright on your own?``
``Go have fun. I'll be fine, you don't need to worry about me.`` I said, smiling faintly. He nodded and followed Jade, who was waiting for him. That's... good. I turned and saw Tom approach me with his friends. My heart started to race as I began to have breathing problems. Calm down, Dipper! They can't do anything when we are out here publicly! As long as I'm not alone, they can't do anything.
``It's nice to see you again, old pal!`` Jason said, lying. I'm sure he's glad to see me, but I don't think he's happy in a positive way, more so a negative way.
``You guys know each other?`` Tom said, looking surprised.
``Yes, we do.`` Jason said before walking over to me and putting an arm around me. Really? ``Infact, we've been friends since we were little!`` No, we haven't, Jason. ``It's like we're almost brothers!`` He chirped. No, we are not! Brothers do not bully their brothers! Well... some do, but not in the way you do it, Jason! I hissed in my thoughts before looking back over to Tom.
``That's even better than I planned!`` Tom said before looking at me in the eyes. ``I did bring you here for a reason.``
``Yeah, yeah... you did.`` I said, realizing that Jason let me go. Disgusting piece of sh-t. I gave him a glare before turning back to Tom. ``No reason to look at me with hatred.`` Jason said. Oh great, he caught that glare. ``Hatred? Did something happen between you two?`` Tom asked.
``More like the three of us, but nothing too serious. We kind of pushed Mason a bit too hard.`` John said, walking over to my other side. I glared him down as I grumbled to myself. We're not friends!
``I think he's not over it. Well, we have to deal with his glares for now.`` Jason said, letting out a laugh that scared me. That is the fakest laugh I ever heard; I can even listen to it in John's voice. Hide it better next time! I rolled my eyes before turning to Tom, he was laughing too, but his laugh was the truth. That's one way to manipulate someone.
``Well. Let's get back to what we are doing today.`` Tom begins before clearing his throat. ``We are finding some chicks to flirt about.`` Oh god, please kill me now, I don't want to be here.
``Yes, yes, finding those ladies are a great deal, don't you think so, Mason?`` Jason said smirking.
``Uh... yeah... I guess.`` I answered, very uncomfortable with this situation. Can't you see I'm uncomfortable with this all? Tom? I looked over at him as he was smirking too. Same with John. I'm not joining in this.
``And possibly while we're at it, maybe then you can forget about your boy crush.`` Tom said. TOM. I widened my eyes at him as my heart shattered into a million pieces. Tom, no, no, no. No... why did you say that out loud! That's literally, well... that is what I get for putting trust into someone that I don't know very well of. In fact, I think he's faking this all.
``Boy crush?`` I flinched at Jason's voice. Sh-t I forgot they were here! ``Mason, Mason, Mason, you haven't learned yet?``
``I did! It's just that getting a girl is hard, alright?`` I said, a hint of aggression in my tone.
``And you decided to aim for a boy?`` He raises his brow.
``It's nothing like that!`` My hands were waving for him to not push it even further, although I was fueling this. I wasn't in control of my movements; I was panicking once more. ``I didn't decide that! It's not a decision, It's a feeling!``
``Feelings, Feelings, I thought you were strong, Mason?`` John's voice jumped in. ``I thought you wouldn't show your emotions? That's not how a man acts.``
``A man shouldn't fall for another man, don't you know the rules? A man is equal to a woman, not the same gender. That is not how it works.`` Jason said. I can't help it! I can't just remove this feeling I have for him! That is not how it works at all! My mind was screaming as I was backing away. The shards were back, stabbing, and digging into my lungs. I think they were talking again, but I didn't hear voices. I was hearing mine, my thoughts, so many of them at once. I then felt a firm hold of my arm as I was shaken to my senses. ``This is not how a man should act at all!``
``Then, you don't f-cking know me at all!`` I snapped back at Jason before pulling away from him and running away from them. I don't know what got into me. I ran into the male bathroom with no living being on site and hid behind the last stall. I was dripping with terror swirling out of control. I couldn't control my heart race anymore, not even my breathing. I felt like I was dying. I hugged myself so tightly as I sat, leaning against the wall. My whole world shut down as I couldn't see, hear, or feel anything. I was in so much stress that I thought I would have passed out by now. Please, I don't want to feel like this anymore! I just want everything to stop right now, the breathing, the voices, the kicking, everything, just MAKE IT STOP.
``Get up, you stupid fool!`` My hearing faded in as I heard shouting. Who's voice is that?- I felt a hard pressure up against my torso as the force made me cough up something, something liquid-like. I didn't dare to open my eyes; the pain is too much to bear. Was I getting beat up...? Who was beating me up?
``Jeez, you are such a damn coward! Snapping right in front of me, glaring me down, and now you do this sh-t? Damn, no wonder why you can't get any ladies`` I heard Jason's voice as I was beginning to recognize it slowly. Right... I snapped at him earlier. I squealed once I felt another kick, then another one, and another. I didn't bother to protect myself. Why defend myself when I'm the one going to get in trouble? The victim always gets blamed on first and not the assaulter.
I don't know how long it has been. I keep hearing the beatings in my head, the pain still showering on me. Is it over? Can I look? Or can I not? I do hear a voice, but I'm not sure if I can get up. I want to lie here, rotting alive while no one can see me. Although I'm sure they can, it's just that they wouldn't care at all. ``Mason! Jade! Help me here!`` A panic voice came into my hearing. My senses were returning but faintly.
``I don't know if... I don't know!`` Another panic voice but more feminine than the first.
``Please! Help me, I'm sure you care so much, we need to get him out of here!`` The male voice said.
``Alright! Just this once because I hate seeing Mason like this!`` I hear rushing footsteps over to where I was. I felt hands pulling me up, trying to wake me up or make me move or something. I'm in too much pain to move at the moment. I can feel some type of liquid streaming down my forehead, nose, and other places. I was carried away by these two familiar figures if only I could just see them if only hope was here to rescue me. I can only feel despair and emptiness like my emotions disappearing or fading away from me.
I can hear sirens close by, getting closer and closer. And then more pairs of hands latch onto me and place me on something soft, something that I could feel relaxed in. But... I don't feel anything.
I feel dead inside.
.
End of Chapter 25
Whoops, I forgot to update this at noon.
Sorry! ^^
Also, Have a Happy Halloween!