Sakura was far more disconcerted than she let on. Fear was nothing new to her—she spent most of her late teens and early twenties being paralyzed by it throughout cases. After Sasuke left and she began training with Lady Tsunade, her temper became a weapon to combat the paralysis, rather than be afraid, she'd get angry and let her temper propel her through the problem, be it a fight, an autopsy, or a medical emergency. Sakura hadn't been crippled by fear or weakness since.
But this was different. No. She wasn't paralyzed. She wasn't so scared that she shut down and forgot how to do her job. But she was deeply disturbed. On several levels. At the top, there was Orochimaru. She wasn't sure what she did to catch his attention, but she read every word of his profile. She created his psych evaluation. She knew what he did to the bodies more than anyone. She saw the science up close. The idea alone of being the mouse to his cat was profoundly unsettling and now she found out it was apparently her reality. His ideas were enough to rattle her to her core and now he was aiming the actual practice of them at her.
Then there was the possibility that someone she knew leaked information to him. No one was coming up suspicious so far. Their background checks hadn't revealed anything. Only KPD members and Shizune even knew she was working on a case, and all of them cleared suspicion. She had vaguely mentioned to Ageha that she was working with the police, but she gave no indication of the case or work she was doing. More importantly, they'd already done a background check on her when she was taken to their hospital. She had no family and never got any visitors, so there was no way she could have leaked anything. While it was a relief that none of her friends and likely none of her force members were suspects, it was also frustrating not knowing who put her in that creeps cross hairs. Now they were checking through social media accounts to see if she had a stalker, but coming up empty. And Sakura was incredibly observant, and keenly aware of danger, so it was unlikely she wouldn't have noticed by now.
"So, the little birdie sang true, you really are back!" Sakura looked up to see a pretty woman with warm mischievous brown eyes, and chocolate hair tied up in two buns.
"Tenten!" She greeted back happily.
"Ino mentioned you were here, it's been a while!"
"You pulled quite the vanishing act, Sakura-san."
Sakura smiled at Neji. He was quiet and always incredibly polite, having had the burden of positively representing a branch family thrust on him after his father, Hyuga Hizashi's death. He came from the same powerful, conservative, and hierarchical family as Hinata, but it was Hinata's father, Hyuga Hiashi, who'd been named heir to the family, not Neji's. Neji's family was viewed as a "branch family," and thus less important. The Hyuga were a powerful and influential family in Konoha, and were often subject to threat and attack. An assassin attempting to kill Hiashi, confused his target with Hiashi's identical twin brother, Hizashi. Neji ended up fatherless and resentful, blaming and taking it out on Hinata. It had gotten so bad that during a promotional exam, he almost killed her during a one on one. Luckily, Naruto did his sunshiney Naruto thing, and lit a path of forgiveness and freedom for Neji. His attitude towards Hinata did a 180 and he became something of a protective older brother to his cousin. In the absence of hate and lamentation for his life, he began to notice and get even closer to his best friend and teammate, Tenten.
Sakura and Ino had a running bet on who in their circle would get engaged first. Ino bet on Shikamaru and Temari. Sakura bet bet on Tenten and Neji.
"Sorry guys, I was really caught up with work."
"Are you sure you weren't just avoiding him?" Neji asked, his pale grey eyes sliding to Sasuke's empty desk coldly.
"Neji!" Tenten shot him a small glare, "wouldn't you want to avoid me if I knocked you unconscious, left you in your car, and defected from Konoha for three and a half years?" Tenten had a fun habit of not being fully aware of the situation she was in when she spoke sometimes.
"I wouldn't have too, because you would never do that." Apparently when it was in response to Tenten, Neji developed that habit as well. They were both too caught up in their lover's quarrel to notice Sakura's very minor cringe at his words.
"It's a hypothetical. God you have no imagination." Tenten huffed before turning to see Sakura's bemused expression. Her large brown eyes instantly widened. "Shit I'm so sorry Sakura!"
Sakura huffed a small laugh, shaking her head a little.
"No worries. And yes, Neji-san, I was avoiding him a little. But we're good now so no need to glare at his desk for my sake. I know you both forgave him a long time ago."
"Well, glad you're on speaking terms again! You three always made such a good team and it sucked not having you around!" Tenten said brightly.
"It must be bad for her to pull you out of the hospital." Neji observed.
All three glanced towards the various papers, and profiles strewn messily on her desk. Sakura hesitated. Tenten and Neji had both cleared suspicion during the background check, and both were skilled officers. It might not hurt to have the extra eyes on the case, but the idea of a leak had her hesitating. If there was one, information should be contained, not spread. However after a brief consideration, she decided she'd share. There were plenty in the KPD she wouldn't share with, but the "Konoha 11," as they were frequently called, were not only legends in their respective departments, but were also her closest friends. They could be trusted. She wouldn't let this psychopath make her doubt her friends.
"Yeah…It's bad alright." She handed Tenten the file and watched as the two of them scanned through it, their eyes widening in horror.
"Jesus…No wonder Lady Tsunade tapped you in. How's this even possible?"
"It's extreme gene editing and experimentation. No one thought it was medically possible until this cause no one was sadistic enough to do it."
"Sakura-san, this last page of notes…Shikamaru and Sasuke suspect you might be a target?"
"It's unclear. For now, we're acting under the assumption it's a threat."
"If that's the case, you living alone could be dangerous. Come stay with me! It's been a while since we hung out anyway!"
"Ah, thanks Tenten, but actually I'll be staying with Sasuke-kun."
Both of them were staring at her with varying degrees of shocked incredulity. It was particularly surprising from Neji since he usually held a poker face through the unending attics of Gai and Lee.
"What?" The way they were looking at her was both highly amusing and a little uncomfortable.
"Uchiha Sasuke agreed to let you sleep at his apartment?"
"For what might be an extended period of time?" Tenten added.
It was something she was already nervous about—though it should rank fairly low on her priorities at the moment, she was annoyed to discover that her mind kept latching to it when her focus slipped. Yes they had defined the relationship, and he had confirmed that this wasn't about sex, at least not yet. But how does a girlfriend stay at her boyfriends apartment for an indefinite amount of time, and just sleep on the couch? How does a girlfriend act when she's at her boyfriend's place and sex isn't on the docket just yet? How does a girlfriend act when the reason she's at her boyfriend's place is to keep from being kidnapped and turned into a test subject in her sleep, and not cause she ended up at his apartment naturally? Sasuke had admitted to her that he didn't know how to be in a relationship or what it was he was supposed to do. He was relying on her to be patient with him, and instruct him. But the truth of the matter was that this was her first relationship as well, and she wasn't sure about what to do either. Hell, she hadn't even been on a date before—except once with Naruto while Sasuke was gone, and they figured out from just the attempt to hold hands that it was best they remain as friends.
"Ah. Right. Well…about that—"
"SAKURA-SAN! NARUTO-KUN INFORMED ME OF YOUR HORRIBLE CASE AND HOW YOU MIGHT BE IN DAN—"
"FOR FUCKS SAKE! KEEP IT DOWN LEE!" Tenten yelled, smacking him upside the head. "Don't you realize there might be a leak? You can't go around screaming that shit, it could put her in more danger!"
"You're very right Tenten!" Lee turned to Sakura, bowing deeply, "Fair Sakura-san, in my youthful concern for you, I reacted too recklessly and may have placed you in further danger. Please accept my sincerest apologies." Both Tenten and Neji sighed, hers exasperated, his mildly annoyed at Lee's antics.
Sakura was trying very hard to not laugh—it was so funny to her how Team Gai was like a moderately more polite and civil version of Team 7.
"It's alright Lee-san, no need to beat yourself up over it." She smiled. In her peripheral vision, she saw Sasuke nearing their little group. He'd been on the phone with Suigetsu, working on getting him to come in. She tried not to focus on how her heart rate picked up at the sight of him—seriously, she was a 26 year old woman, not a school girl. And she was now his girlfriend and would be staying with him for an indefinite period of time (both of which made her heart rate increase more, not less). She really needed to get a hold of herself, this wasn't productive.
"Fear not, beautiful Sakura-san. I, Rock Lee, the green beast of Konoha, have sworn to protect you at all costs," Lee continued, putting what he thought was a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I will act be your body guard."
"That won't be necessary." Sasuke's voice had a sharp edge to it. He was eying the hand on her shoulder warily, like he was still trying to decide what to do to it. "Sakura isn't weak. She doesn't need someone else to protect her."
For a second, she thought her heart stopped entirely. She knew he no longer thought she was weak, but hearing it so blatantly, in front of other people…a wave of happiness crashed through her.
Tenten and Neji stared openly, their shock evident. Surprisingly, Lee seemed the most unaffected, although whether it was because he was the best at rolling with the punches, or just the slowest on the uptake was unclear.
"You're quite right, Sasuke-kun! Sakura-san is most capable!" He said removing his hand from her shoulder to salute. She watched Sasuke's mussels relax slightly after Lee was no longer in physical contact with her.
"Damn Sakura, you and I really need to catch up." Tenten muttered, a little wondrously.
"You sound like Ino…"
"That's a good point actually, it's been a while since we had a girls night."
"Absolutely! But I kinda would rather we take care of this case first—just so the threats gone."
"Totally! SWAT's pretty dry right now, and I know this case isn't exactly our kinda thing, but we'll help however we can. And let me know if you wanna head to the range, it's been a bit since you had to use a firearm so if you want a refresher, that's my specialty."
"Thanks Tenten I'll probably take you up on that."
"If it's as bad as the file indicates, and you don't catch him within a week—"
"We'll probably all end up on a task force." Sasuke finished with a grim nod. "It's already beginning to turn out like that anyway. Shikamaru and Ino are already involved, and thanks to the Dead last, Hinata's peripherally engaged too."
"So you're saying less than a week."
"Likely." Neji and Sasuke had a very blunt and to the point way of speaking to each other. It was fascinating to see. The two clearly had respect for each other, and a strange friendship with hints of competition, but there was absolutely no warmth in it the way there was with others. Sakura figured that's what friendships must look like with two people who were cold and quiet by nature.
"Oh! But Sakura-san, you live alone, right? It would be most dangerous for beautiful flower like yourself to be alone in this situation. My home is always open to you—" Ah, right. Lee had missed that part of the conversation.
"Thank you Lee-san b—"
"She's staying with me." Sasuke cut in.
That one struck everyone speechless. Especially Lee. Tenten and Neji already knew, but they seemed shocked to actually hear him say it out loud, as was she. Even when he first floated the offer, he'd said it so quietly…she never expected him to actually say it so definitively in front of others. Sakura wondered if Sasuke was ok. This was far more open than he was normally prone to being. Chancing a quick glance his way, Sakura noted that his focus was on Lee more than anyone else, and while he wasn't projecting hostility toward Konoha's self proclaimed green beast, he was regarding him with something like caution. He…he wasn't actually threatened by Lee, was he?
But when she thought back on it, there was another time she thought that just for a minute, Sasuke might actually be jealous…
Almost immediately after Sakura identified the correct test room, the boy in the green spandex suit popped up from his position on the ground, apparently far less effected by the roughness than he'd lead others believe, and approached her. The brown bun haired woman, and a pale-grey eyed man standing next to her, looked on in confusion. An expression shared by both Sasuke and Naruto.
"I am Rock Lee. You are Sakura-san, is that correct?"
"Uh…yeah…?"
She noticed Sasuke take a step closer to her, as if ready to jump in should a fight start. Her heart nearly skipped a beat but Lee's intense gaze was both distracting and unnerving.
"Please go out with me! I will protect you until I die!"
The reaction was immediate, the brown haired woman behind him let out a sigh tinged with annoyance as she shook her head. The pale eyed man next to her looked somewhat exasperated. Naruto's jaw dropped. Sasuke looked shocked and…mildly affronted? As for herself, Sakura was caught off guard. For one, it was rather shocking that a boy whose fashion sense consisted of green spandex and a bowl cut had the confidence to ask so directly. But also, no guy had ever displayed such a direct interest in her. Well, there was Naruto, but even he wasn't this direct. And she didn't even fully think it was genuine—he just liked to compete with Sasuke over everything. In elementary and middle school she'd been so shy no one really noticed her, and through high school, she was always over shadowed by Ino. She supposed this should be viewed as flattering, but it actually undercut her confidence even more…sure, maybe Sasuke was out of her league, but she had to be able to do better than this—weirdo. Why did it have to be this guy?
" No way…"
Lee looked crest fallen. "What?"
"You're too…"unique" for my taste…" This was so embarrassing. She was vaguely aware of Naruto laughing as she glanced towards Sasuke. He'd turned away from them, but he seemed…a little annoyed. Probably because this was the promotional exam and shouldn't be taken so lightly as a place to pick up a significant other.
…
Some time later, after the sound trio incident, Team 7 ended up on a field case that went terribly wrong. While somehow a highly successful team, they were one thoroughly under skilled in hostage negotiation, and in a rescue attempt, they themselves ended up taken captive. Luckily their captor didn't use a long range weapon. This bought them some time and a chance to fight their way out, which both Naruto and Sasuke opted for and were rendered unconscious as a result. They did succeed in pissing the guy off though, leaving Sakura who was absolutely shitty in these situations, to defend them both alone when their captor was out for blood.
That's when Lee showed up. He dropped in from an air vent and kicked the shit out of the guy. Sakura couldn't even comprehend what happened, it was all so fast.
"Why are you here?"
"I will always appear whenever you're in trouble."
"But that…"
"I promised you, I'd protect you with my life."
Lee single handedly managed to hold the guy off until the rest of his squad showed up and made the arrest. Although, he got really beaten up in the process. Sasuke had managed to come to and help him out towards the end, but when it was over, the first person Sakura thanked was Lee. He made her realize that words weren't enough. She had joined the force because she wanted to protect others, she said it boldly throughout her time at the academy and into her time on the force. She'd made a stride in the right direction with the sound trio, but she needed to do a lot better than that. She needed to be stronger and train harder, so she could stand by her words the way Lee so resolutely stood by his. He took his vow seriously even when she hadn't, it was time for her to do the same.
She saw Sasuke frowning slightly as she thanked Lee, his eyes darting briefly between the two before turning away. There was no way he was jealous, was he? No. He was probably upset that Lee was stronger than him. Sasuke always wanted to be the strongest so he knew he'd be able to take on his brother when the time came. That had to be it…
Now Sakura wondered if her judgment that time may have been wrong. Maybe he had more feelings about her back then than he realized. After all, her confusion always stemmed from the fact that he treated her differently than everyone else, since they started becoming closer. Although, she figured her past self was at least partially right. He may have felt something for her unknown to him at the time, but he had definitely felt inferior to Lee. Did he still? Was that why he was regarding him so cautiously.
It was interesting. No one disliked Lee once they got to know him. He was a little intense for most people, but few actively disliked him, including Sasuke. In fact, Sasuke seemed to have a deep, not even begrudging respect for Lee. So seeing him look at the spandex clad man so warily, yet without hostility, was fascinating. She figured it was a combo that only Sasuke could manage.
Once again, Lee was either the most adaptable person on the planet, or so woefully oblivious it was concerning.
"What youthful concern for your teammate, Sasuke-kun! Of course Sakura-san should stay with her team! I apologize for not realizing this is the only solution! As punishment, I will do 200 push ups!" With an excited salute to Sasuke and a smile and bow to Sakura, he spend off.
"Anyways," Tenten said, with an exhausted sigh, "hit us up if you need any help, yeah? At least until this task force forms and we're officially assigned to it anyways." Tenten turned to her remaining teammate. "C'mon. We should go reign in Lee before he bulldozes some rookie into training with him."
Tenten gave a quick hug to Sakura and nod to Sasuke, Neji settling for just the nod to both. As they walked off she heard him mutter, "Must we? He'll probably rope us in too."
After a brief silence she turned to Sasuke.
"Did you convince Suigetsu?"
"He'll be here by tomorrow afternoon."
"Do you not want me there?"
"I don't, but you should be there anyway."
"I don't have to be. You don't have to talk to me about that time if you're not ready too."
"It's not just that…Suigetsu's…got a weakness for beautiful women."
"That's nothing to wor—oh." It took her a second to realize that Sasuke's opinion of her seemed to be in conflict with her opinion of herself. She became uncomfortably aware of her own blood racing through her.
Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose, which she recognized in this context, as a gesture of irritation. "I know it's an effective interrogation strategy, but I don't really…"
She blinked in surprise. Based on that answer, it didn't seem like Sasuke even entertained the idea that she might not think herself beautiful. Actually, he seemed more…concerned?
"You don't think this guy's a threat to you, do you?"
Sasuke shot her a mild glare. "Of course not. It's just not a position I want to put you in…or him to make you uncomfortable. He's…crude."
"Thank you, for your concern." She was truly touched at how considerate he was being towards her. To even worry about something as insignificant as her comfort utilizing an interrogation tactic, with everything else going on, made the fluttering feeling he gave her ten times stronger. But this was a job and she was a professional. "We're on a case and interrogations part of the job. If just being there is enough to make him spill more, then so it goes. Same with if I have to listen to some insufferable comments. If it's on the street, I'll punch him in the nuts, but in an interrogation room, I'll just keep it in check and destroy a couple sandbags later."
"Hn." Sasuke let out a small huff of a laugh. He looked like he was about to say something else, when her phone rang.
It only occurred to her after answering that she should have been more careful. It was an unknown number and she was potentially in danger. Luckily her worries were unfounded.
"Hello?"
"Sakura-neesan? It's Moegi."
"Ah! Hi Moegi-chan, what's up?"
"Um…What you said earlier at the crime scene—about talking to someone, or you—um, can I?"
"Talk to me?"
"Mm."
"When?"
"Now—today I mean. Or that might not be—if it doesn't work for you, I mean—"
"Moegei-chan, whenever you want to talk, I'll make the time. I can't really leave the station right now, though…Do you mind coming in? I'll find us a conference room we can use."
"Yeah, that's fine…Neesan, thank you."
"Don't worry about it!"
Moegi hung up.
"Was that the girl from the crime scene?"
"Mm."
"She remember something?"
"Nope. This was a medical call."
"She's injured?"
"Not physically. But contrary to popular belief, mental health is still health."
She felt like the air pressure around her changed as Sasuke studied her, making her feel a little off balance. She kept waiting for him to say something—it seemed like he wanted to, but he didn't. She was thrown back to the previous night in the car. It had been far more than she dared hope for, that he not only agree to being in a relationship, but not shy away from acknowledging it to others…and then the kissing—how the fuck was he so good at it and Jesus this really wasn't the time for this to be clogging her head. She turned away abruptly, her face feeling hot, and set to work trying to put some order to her desk. After a second she felt Sasuke's eyes leave her and the pressure seemed to lesson just a little.
Moegi fidgeted a little, unwilling to make eye contact. The girl had thick strawberry blonde hair in two messy pigtails and deep purple-blue eyes. She seemed restless, her mouth kept opening and closing like she was about to speak and couldn't get out the words.
"You know," Sakura started, "The first time I saw a corpse, I fainted?"
Moegi's eye's shot up to her in surprise. "You fainted?"
"And when I woke up, I was so nauseous I almost threw up. I had nightmares for weeks on end, and whenever we got a body in a case, I'd stay about 15 meters back or talk to witnesses, instead of getting close."
"I see it, whenever I close my eyes." Moegi whispered. "I've seen pictures of dead bodies on the news or in text books…but that…that wasn't…"
"What you saw, was far worse than anything most people see in a lifetime. It's perfectly natural for it to scare you or—"
"But that's the thing…I'm scared, obviously. It's scary. But I can deal with it. I want to go to the academy and be a force member, like Naruto-niisan. At some point I might see something this bad, maybe worse. And I'll have nightmares and be scared but I'll solve it and help who needs helping and that'll make it better."
"You're a lot tougher than most people. It's good you know that and have that goal, but you aren't on the force yet so you can't resolve that fear by working through it the way you have laid out in your mind just yet."
"I know…but I can work and train hard to prepare for the academy. That's enough. I can't help this girl or even the next one, but if I know I'm working to help the one fifty down the line…That's enough. But I can't…" Moegi broke off, unsure of how to continue.
"You can't what, Moegi-chan? Is something stopping you from working towards that goal?"
Those big purple blue eyes locked on to Sakura's, and she recognized the look in them. Self doubt, self loathing, lost, insecurity. Sakura saw that look in the mirror almost every case she worked, before leaving the force.
"Konohamaru-kun and Udon-kun…They look at me like I'm glass. Like I'll break down any minute. And they keep trying to give me outs from training or studying. Keep going easy on me when we spar. And they saw it too—I know they're bothered by it too. But for some reason it's like they decided that I'm the only one who can't handle it. They're fine just toughing it out but they act like that's not an option for me, that I have to be having a harder time than them and and—" a sob ripped through her frantic speech, opening the floodgates. Her shoulders shook and she buried her face in her hands. Sakura felt every word resonate through her, after all, she'd lived that experience too.
"Everyone builds expectations of others based on appearance, perceived gender, and social expectation. No matter how well someone might know you, those behavioral expectations still bleed through on occasion. There are always exceptions, but most men always expect women to be more breakable than themselves. And because men have dictated societal norms for so long, we've allowed that to become true."
"Are you saying we are?" Moegi asked between uneven breaths.
"No. But between the three of you, the one anyone would expect to be unable to cope with this is you. Because of preconceived notions that girls lack strength and are more emotional, the one who a break down would be most accepted from is you. Because 'boys can't cry' and are expected to 'suck it up' and 'tough it out.' Girls aren't." Sakura sighed. "Bullshit, right?"
Moegi looked up surprised at her dismissal of the sentiment and then even more so by the warm smile Sakura offered her.
"You're friends should know better. They probably do. And you're right, they're upset by what they saw too. But they're trying to match the expectation put on them. They have to tough it out, because that's what men do. It's hard—really hard. Unless someone else they care about is having an even harder time. Then it's easy to put their trauma aside to take care of their friend. So even though they know you, and know you might be just the opposite, they're projecting their expectations of female behavior on you, because it gives them something to take care of."
Moegi looked shocked. "So…that's why they're…"
"It's a theory anyway. I wouldn't know for sure unless I talked to them about it. But if it's the case, they're using you as a coping mechanism and to deflect their own trauma. The problem is, you already have a coping mechanism—a healthy one that says it's ok to be scared, and inspires you to work harder. One that's entirely self actualized and not dependent on others. Their coping method isn't and it's getting in the way of yours. It's really such garbage. It's been accepted for a while that if you tell a child they're a monster repeatedly they'll believe and act on it. And people have started realizing it and changing the way they talk to children. But they still don't get that if you tell a girl she's weak repeatedly she'll start to believe and act on it too. Or maybe they do get it but that's how they want it to be."
"Fuck that!" Moegi's previously tear choked voice was now strong with fury.
"That's right. Fuck that, and fuck anyone who tells you to believe it. You're tough Moegi. You're strong. At some point, everyone's breakable but that doesn't mean that you're made of glass, that this broke you, or that once something does, you won't be able to glue your self back together. Society's already dealt us a rough hand just by nature of the fact that we're women. But they fail to realize that girls have to be tough in this world or we won't survive."
"Girls have to be tough or we won't survive…" Moegi repeated, before looking up at Sakura with determination. "So what do I do? Konohamaru-kun and Udon-kun, they're still my friends…I can't just write them off for thinking I'm weak…"
"That's right. They are your friends. So the way I see it you have two options. You can talk to them about it. Tell them how they've made you feel throughout this, and that while seeing the corpse was upsetting, it didn't break you. If they ever need to talk about how they're feeling or cry about it, there's no shame in it and they can talk to you or me or any psychological professional without judgement."
"What if that doesn't work?"
"That's where the second option comes in. Tell them you want to spar and then kick their ass. Prove to them you're not weak. If they hold back, go even harder and force them to fight you as an equal. Kick their ass…Of course, if it were my team, knowing us, I'd probably just skip right to option two. But Sasuke-kun and Naruto are exceptionally stubborn and dumb when it comes to feelings, so that's about the only way they know how to communicate. In your case, I'd start with option one."
Moegi smiled and laughed a little. "Yeah, Konohamaru-kun can be pretty stupid, but I think option one'll work. It'll definitely work with Udon-kun." Moegi suddenly threw her arms around Sakura, surprising her, though she warmly returned the hug. "Thank you, Nee-chan."
"Anytime."
Sakura sat at her desk staring at the two victim files. Naruto and Sasuke were behind her going through her list of contacts again, since they were more "objective" on this front, they decided to have another look. Not that it seemed to be any more fruitful for them the second time around than the first had been. The KPD was still coming out clean.
She stared blankly at the blood work results of the two cases. Shiin's transformation had been complete but unstable, resulting in his death. Tayuya's had been partial—she had died due to the strain of the transformation. But for some reason, Tayuya's body took the transformation better. The cellular analysis showed that in the half of her body that had transformed, the cells and DNA were far more stable than with Shiin's. What about Tayuya's biology allowed it to take better? The two obvious differences were gender and age. The enzyme used to prime and transport the new DNA also increased the neurochemicals responsible for producing fear, stress, anger, and aggression. But in men, there was also testosterone to account for, which pushed men to be more aggressive. If the enzyme wasn't adjusted to account for that, it may have furthered Shiin's destabilization. Or maybe higher level's of estrogen had a stabilizing effect. Most of that would effect brain chemistry more than cellular chemistry. So age. Shiin was older than Tayuya although they'd never found his birth certificate, so they'd never been able to place an exact age. Tayuya was 26. The younger the cells the more susceptible they were to editing and changing.
"I have a theory—"
"Sakura what about—"
Sasuke and Sakura both stopped short, having spoken at the same time.
"Really you two, I get that you're in love and everything but talking at the same time's just creepy—OW!" Naruto seemed unsure about what to hold first, his in pain shin kicked by Sakura or his in pain upper arm punched by Sasuke.
"What's your theory?" Sasuke prompted, pointedly ignoring Naruto's continued whining.
"The next victim will probably be a young female, 26 or under. My bets on much younger. If he actually wants a success in this experiment, the younger the cell is, the better it'll tolerate the immense change."
"But why's it have to be a girl then?" Naruto asked, finally focusing in.
"Honestly it might not have to be. But men produce more testosterone, which could create a more unstable experiment, since the enzyme already heightens aggressive tendencies so much. Estrogen, or at least the lower levels of testosterone might help with stabilizing."
"You realize you fall within that theory." Sasuke stated.
"Yes. It doesn't invalidate the idea that this might be a threat aimed at me. But it does narrow down a possible victim pool a little. What were you gonna ask?"
"What about hospital colleagues?"
"I never told any of them about this case, or my involvement with it."
"But if they're an accomplice, they'll probably already know about the cases. And you're pretty legendary Sakura-chan. Most people know you were a KPD member before you were a medic." Naruto pointed out.
"Even if they didn't. The timing of your leave of absents, and knowing how much Prime Minister confides in you, they may have made the connection."
Sakura sighed and tipped her head back, examining the ceiling. She really didn't want to ride this train of thought. The hospital had been a place of confidence and self assurance for her. The idea that someone she worked with in that building had sold her out was painful, and only a little bit better than the idea of it having been a KPD member. But it made sense. Sasuke said that Suigetsu mentioned the accomplice in the context of a lab, which added even more credence to the idea. She could feel the boys eyes on her, both of them were probably worried about her. That was nice of them but they didn't need to be, this suggestion wasn't going to break her anymore than the one that placed her as a target. Girls had to be tough to survive this world. And she was. after years of hard work, she was. A couple of seconds later, she looked back at them.
"I'll compile a list of hospital employees. Shizune should be above suspicion since she's been assisting Lady Tsunade since she was sixteen. Her files might be sealed anyway, because of her proximity to Lady Tsunade, the way mine are."
Sasuke nodded. "We'll start running it. I'll connect the search to my phone so we can go."
"Go?"
"You'll need to pack a bag if you'll be staying with me for a while."
"Oh…But I was gonna—"
"You're not pulling another all nighter. You've pulled almost three in a row now."
She was about to argue before realizing she had no leg to stand on. He was right, in the past three days she'd gotten a total of maybe five hours. She needed to rest. Internally she knew her hesitance was mostly due to nerves, and she had to get over that.
"Good point. Give me thirty minutes."
The car ride on the way to Sasuke's from her place was quiet and laced with a tension that could best be described as two-virgins-trying-to-figure-out-if-tonight's-the-night awkwardness. No matter how much she tried to pretend like this was no different than the other times she crashed on his couch, it so was. And he seemed to be aware of the difference too. She couldn't tell if that made it better or worse honestly. On one hand, if she'd been the only feeling a little weird about this, at least he'd still be acting normal. On the other hand, if he was unaware of the difference, she'd probably have an internal anxiety attack about what she actually meant to him and how little of an effect she had on him. At least they were on equal footing in that respect—they both seemed to make each other equally nervous.
The car ride to her place had been normal and not tense. He'd insisted on coming up with her when she packed her things, claiming that they may be waiting for her in her apartment. Honestly, it didn't seem worth arguing over and at the time it didn't really bother her anyway. Until she remembered that A) her apartment looked neglected as fuck cause she never spent much time in it and B) Sasuke was now her boyfriend—this was different than the times he'd drunkenly crash here, which hadn't happened in over three and a half years. Her embarrassment increased tenfold when his judgmental and somewhat disapproving gaze swept over the space.
She'd had the sense to tell him to wait in her living room/dining room/library/office/work out space, while she grabbed what she needed from her far less neat bedroom. It wasn't that she was a messy person, she just didn't have a lot of time. When she'd been in school and the academy, her room was neatly kept and highly organized. Now, she didn't have time to make the bed in the morning, her laundry was overflowing, and she had yet to throw away her pile of broken alarm clocks from before she switched to her phone's alarm. It wouldn't have really mattered if he saw it or not, next to Naruto, anything looked clean. But still.
She'd also panicked for eight minutes about how much she should actually pack, not knowing how long she'd be there for. Finally settling on packing for twelve days, she wheeled her small suitcase out to see Sasuke reading on the couch, which reminded her about the research books she'd potentially need for the case. She spent a much longer time on the books than she had with her clothes, debating with herself out loud and feeling Sasuke's eyes following her. She wondered if he thought she lost her mind—she certainly looked crazy enough.
As they started the drive to Sasuke's, the whole situation seemed to click for both of them and all sense of normalcy evacuated the car. He was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that the vein on his forearm was popping out, and fuck why was that such a sexy trait on males? Maybe she should have just stayed with Tenten…She might have made a huge mistake taking him up on this offer.
Sasuke's apartment hadn't changed much since the last time she'd been there. His family had owned the apartment long before the massacre, and he'd moved into it rather than live in a his old house full of ghosts and trauma. It was a nice place—Sakura always tried her best to quell the mild envy she felt. Especially at this point. She could afford a better apartment if she wanted, but moving was a hassle she didn't have time for, and she wouldn't be able to send as much home to her parents. And really, she shouldn't be envious. Sasuke and the Uchiha had always been wealthy, but Sasuke inherited all of that including this apartment at the cost of his family. There was nothing in that to be envious about.
That being said, his apartment was really nice. It was surprisingly open, for someone so withdrawn. He had floor to ceiling windows, allowing for a beautiful view of the Konoha cityscape. His living room was spacious with a black leather L-shaped sectional, matching arm chair, glass coffee table, and large flat screen tv framed on either side by large bookcases, and still with plenty of clearance and space to move. He had a large, full kitchen with a center island, and a loft which he'd made into an office/library. She'd never seen his room before—it was a line she never crossed when she'd been here in the past, but she knew he had his own bathroom. There was a half bathroom down the hall, which she had used. Having only ever spent one or two nights on the couch occasionally, she'd never needed to shower while she was here…a thought that was only occurring to her now. She'd be showering in the same place as him. She'd have to walk through his room to get there. And if he happened to be in the room when she left the shower…she brought that train of thought to an abrupt halt as it was doing very little to help her situation.
She found herself stationed by the door, unable to take a step further in. Sasuke hadn't hesitated. He stepped out of his shoes, grabbed her suitcase and headed towards his room. Sakura stood rooted in place. Why was this so nerve racking? She'd been here before, she knew that couch well, why was she suddenly so unable to move towards it.
Sasuke emerged from the hallway and looked at her, standing unmoving in the door like an idiot. She could see by the minor crinkle of his brow that he was confused, his charcoal eyes held anxiety.
"Did you want to come in?" His tone was blank but there were trace amounts of unsureness in it.
She couldn't take it anymore.
"This is weird, right? I'm not the only one who finds this weird?"
The tension bubble popped. She saw all the anxiety drip off of him as his body relaxed.
"Yes. You're not the only one." His eyes glinted with amusement.
"Good." Sakura answered, finally removing her shoes and stepping further into the apartment. "Definitely not the situation I thought I'd be back here under."
"Definitely not the situation I wanted to bring you back here under." He responded.
"Oh? And what kind of situation were you imagining?" The words flew from her mouth before she registered what she was saying. She turned abruptly and headed for the couch, not wanting him to see her embarrassment.
"This kind." The second she turned towards him, a hand gently wove behind her head while the other pressed into her waist. His mouth locked on to hers causing a shock of electricity to shoot through her body. It was gentle and innocent for about five seconds before he devolved into more heated and passionate kissing. Or maybe it was her. Didn't matter. Either way it was reciprocated. He slowly backed her onto the couch, never once breaking contact as their position shifted. It was a good thing he did, cause she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep herself from just melting. It was a whole fifteen minutes later before the make out session was brought to a halt with their first real break for air.
Breathing hard she looked up at him and was caught off guard by the warmth and gentleness his eyes held, given that it did not at all match the attitude of their previous activity. They just quietly stared at each other for a second, breathing hard, before she felt a smile curve on to her lips.
"That was smooth, Sasuke-kun."
"Hn." He smirked, pushing himself off of her. He sat up and run a hand through his messy(er) hair (courtesy of Sakura).
"You should eat something."
"You seem to say that to me a lot lately."
"You've been forgetting a lot lately."
Sasuke headed for the kitchen, and Sakura immediately followed. Her sense of fairness dictated that she cook, since she was intruding on his space for an indefinite period of time. It was the least she could do. When she opened his fridge to scan what ingredients were at her disposal, she felt the weight of Sasuke's gaze land on her. She turned to meet his eyes.
"What are you doing?"
"Planning what to cook."
"You're a guest."
"I'm more of a freeloader actually…we don't know how long this'll be for. The least I can do is earn my keep by doing the cooking." He opened his mouth to argue but Sakura quickly plowed on. "Besides, girlfriends are supposed to do this kind of stuff for their boyfriends. It's like a rule."
"Is it now?" His tone was sarcastic but she could see the slight question in his furrowed brows. He already told her, he didn't know what a romantic relationship looked like. His best guess must have come from watching his parents, which were not only old memories but potentially very painful ones. And Sakura had no idea what his parents relationship may have looked like—for all she knew it wasn't very conventional or healthy. With that thought in mind, she took it upon herself to explain.
"It's not a hard and fast rule. But couples usually do things for each other to show they care." She said as she pulled out eggs, tomatoes, rice, nori, and tuna. "Every individual has their own love language, so it looks different for everyone. But cooking a meal for someone shows that you not only care about their physical wellbeing, but also that you want to remove some of their daily stress or burden."
Sasuke leaned against the center island, and she felt the weight of his eyes follow her as she moved about his kitchen. "Love languages?"
"Mm. This marriage counselor came out with a book about it not too long ago. He breaks down the five biggest ways people want to give or receive love or affection. There's acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. " This had to be an entirely new concept to him so she figured it was best to use an example. "Like, take Naruto. His original drive for becoming Hokage was for recognition and acknowledgment. He wants to hear that he's somebody who means something to people, and it extends to his relationships too. So one of his love languages is words of affirmation. He also likes to feel physically close to others, so physical touch would be another of his."
She looked over at Sasuke to see that he was listening with rapt attention, and seemed to be mulling over her example.
"Would Hinata be a words of affirmation type?" He eventually asked.
Sakura thought about her shy friend, and her desire for recognition from Naruto. "Yeah, I think so. That and quality time, probably."
"So people have more than one?"
"Usually. Some can even identify with all five. It's a preferential scale more than a strict categorization."
"Can the way you give and the way you want to receive be different?"
"Mmhmm," Sakura hummed, "I'm pretty sure Tenten's like that. I think she's the gifts and quality time for receiving but acts of service for the giving. Although, the point of knowing your partners love language is to be able to speak it with them. So even if your inclination is to give gifts, if your partner's a words of affirmation type, that should be how you express what they mean to you with them."
Sasuke was silent for a second while she put her attention into rolling the omelette she was making.
"Which are you?"
"Huh?"
"Which love languages are yours?"
She felt her blood run to her cheeks and her pulse suddenly seemed much louder then it should have been.
"Oh, um…I never actually thought about it much…" She knew there was no way he'd accept that answer, which was verified when she glanced over at him and was met with a disbelieving glare. But how was she supposed to tell him that she'd accept anything he gave her, so long as it was him. That just sounded so desperate and pathetic.
"Hmm, I think I've got three…for receiving at least. Quality time, words of affirmation, and acts of service." She started shaping rice balls absently. "I know this is all new to you, but do you have an idea of which yours might be?"
She felt Sasuke move from behind her as he got down two plates, chopsticks, and cups for them. "Which do you think?"
He told her yesterday that he never knew what he was feeling, and all of this was new to him since he didn't know how to be in a romantic relationship. Honestly she didn't know either, and it felt like too personal a thing for her to know on her own. A piece of her felt frustrated—there was no way she could know his love languages, but another piece of her registered that he just placed a lot of trust in her by asking. He trusted her more than himself to identify his feelings. Thinking back on it, she did have a lot of basis for analysis, with his behavior towards her, Naruto, and what he would tell her about his family.
"It's tough to be sure because you run in such extremes. With Naruto, it's easy to guess cause it bleeds out into his normal everyday interactions with everyone. With you, there's no bleed, you only show it to those you truly care about and usually only when you're alone with them…but, I think you actually fall into four. You have a lot of ways you're willing to receive love, but only from people you're strongly bonded too."
"Four?" Sasuke seemed surprised by her assessment.
"Physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service." She brought the rolled tomato omelette and the tuna rice balls to the table and sat down at the table across from Sasuke. He began eating silently, but she could see he was parsing through her theory and connecting it with events or feelings that proved or negated her point. She didn't mind the silence, it was cute—a word she never thought she'd connect to Sasuke—how hard he was thinking about this. The fact that he even asked, listened and absorbed it showed just how much effort he was making for this relationship. And that meant the world to her.
After awhile, Sasuke looked up and nodded, apparently having reached his conclusion and being in agreement with Sakura's analysis. A companionable silence stretched allowing her mind to wander to the reason she was here in the first place. The case. Given what Orochimaru seemed to be trying to do, as disturbing as it was, it was a little surprising that he wasn't trying these experiments on babies. A baby's cells and stem cells were more adaptable and easier to influence. An embryo even more so. Every scientist knew that. Yes, the victims seemed to be getting younger, but also there were only two, it wasn't enough to establish a definitive pattern. So what was the purpose of using older test subjects…before the speculation was that he was just doing this for the science of it, but was there more to it than that…? Why would he be threatening her? Was there more to it than just a game born of boredom, like she had previously speculated and hoped it was?
Doubt of her previous assessment was setting in, and while it had certainly been unsettling before, now real fear was beginning to eat at her. Her blood temperature seemed to drop rapidly.
"What's wrong?" Sasuke's deep voice cut through her thoughts. Her eyes shot up to him and she could see concern subtly seeping through his normally inexpressive face.
She felt her unease lighten a little as she looked at him. A weak smile managed to make it's way onto her lips. "Nothing…just the case."
He seemed to be studying her for a second before he finally said, "He won't hurt you."
The definitive tone of his voice left no room for question and was so reassuring that it actually worked. She believed him. Her weak smile strengthened a little.
"Why? You won't let him?"
"Yes. And neither will you." It was immediate the way her confidence sky rocketed. Her previously icy insides warmed. "So finish eating."
How like him. But it was effective. Her previously forgotten appetite made a resurgence, giving her the desire to finish the food on her plate, which she promptly did.
"Sakura."
"Yeah?"
"The mental health clinic…what made you start it?"
She looked up at him. He was searching her face for something but she didn't know what he was hoping to find.
"You and Naruto. I was a terrible teammate. I never understood what it was like for you two…I still don't. All I could ever do was imagine, and our situations were so different that in my worst moments I thought it might be a relief. I can't go back in time and be what you two really needed, but maybe I can help make sure no one else is alone and unsupported the way you two were."
It was something she thought about it a lot after he left Konoha—how she'd failed him as a friend and teammate. If she had supported him better, been there for him more so he was less alone and isolated, maybe he wouldn't have left. If she had started truly caring about him earlier, instead of just his looks and status, maybe their bond would have been strong enough to keep him there.
She never let go of the guilt she felt for being envious of them both in the beginning either. Her mother and father loved and cared for her dearly, she knew that. But because they cared so much, they often babied her and tried to get her to give up her dream of being on the force out of concern for her safety. Even once they finally supported her dream, they would undercut her confidence by saying things about how she'd probably primarily have desk duty or that they wouldn't have to worry about her ranking too high when she was surrounded by such skilled peers. On top of that, her parents were getting older and her family had a lot of financial problems. She always felt she had to help them out. As a young child, she'd do chores or odd jobs for others and turn any payment over to her parents (even if they'd refuse, she'd sneak it into their wallets later). In high school, she got a part time job the second she turned sixteen and used her earnings to help pay bills. Any prize money she earned from gymnastics competitions, she gave to her parents as well. In fact, despite what she told people, the actual reason she quit gymnastics was because she learned how much it was costing her parents—she knew they wouldn't accept her quitting cause of their finances so she lied and told them she was tired of it. Balancing a part time job and the Academy had been stressful and didn't leave her with a lot of time to train. When she finally made it on to the force, being a detective didn't pay well, and her parents were getting too old to work the way they once had. In some of the more financially stressed moments of supporting them, she'd been envious of Sasuke and Naruto, who didn't have to support anyone but themselves. It horrified her to this day that she'd ever entertained the idea that being alone and having no one would be better than having to support her parents.
She'd been a selfish teammate, trivializing the pain Sasuke and Naruto felt. But she'd made up her mind never to do that again. She was too late to do anything much for her teammates, but there were tons of others who were alone and needing support. She'd do whatever she could to help them—the way she should have helped her teammates. It had been that thought, coupled with the need to actually be useful to Naruto as he slaved over his promise to bring Sasuke back, that had driven her to ask Lady Tsunade for tutelage.
Sasuke looked like he was about to say something, but shook his head instead with a small smile.
"You underestimate yourself too much." He got up, clearing the plates to go do the dishes. "Go shower."
She knew immediately that he said it to dissuade her from helping clean up, and while her instinct was to disregard it and help, she decided to listen. She was too flustered and tingly from his unexpected comment and figured a shower would help clear her head a bit.
The shower did help clear her head a bit, but the clarity soon gave way to nervousness upon realizing that her suitcase was in Sasuke's room. She almost hadn't noticed it at first in the large dark room, primarily made up of a huge bed with a bench at the foot, and a night stand. Her suit case had been nestled at the edge of the bench, camouflaged by the dark furniture and minimal lighting. Sakura hadn't clocked what he did with it when they first walked in. But she noticed it now. After hastily throwing on her sleep shorts and a long sleeve shirt, and running a brush through her hair, she went to confront him about it.
"Sasuke-kun?"
"Hn?"
"Why's my bag in your room?"
"Cause that's where you're sleeping."
Huh? Wasn't she supposed to sleep on the couch? If she was in his room, where was he…
"What about you?"
"The couch."
"I'm not kicking you out of your room Sasuke-kun. I'll take the couch."
"No."
"What do you mean 'No'?" She demanded.
"Don't be annoying."
"Then don't make me annoyed."
Sasuke let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair.
"You're the most important person on this case and you haven't slept much for three days. I'm not letting you spend a shitty night on a couch."
"You're not gonna budge on this one, are you?"
"No. Are you?"
Sakura considered this for a moment. "What happens if I don't?"
Sasuke cocked his head to the side, studying her.
"We share the bed." He answered after a short pause.
Shit. How could he say that with such a straight face? Would it be that bad though—they were dating, it was natural that they share a bed at some point…but it was too early for that, right? Besides, she didn't think she'd be able to restrain herself. Every time he kissed her, she couldn't stop the coiling heat in the pit of her stomach. Earlier, when they'd been making out on the couch, Sasuke had kept his hands confined to her hair, hips, lower back, face and hands. She wondered if he'd been tempted to put them anywhere else. If he was, he had iron clad will power. She'd been the one who wanted this to move slowly and yet every time his lips meant hers, she found that resolve rapidly crumbling. What would sleeping in the same bed do to her…She really didn't want displace him though. He shouldn't give his bed up for her…Oh fuck it.
"Ok."
"Hn?"
"We'll share the bed."
"…Sakura…"
"I'm not taking your bed from you Sasuke-kun."
Something flashed across Sasuke's eyes, but it was gone before she could decipher it.
"Hn." Sasuke walked by her and went into the bathroom.
Sakura sat down on the bed, attempting to steady the excited race of her heart. Her gaze landed on the books she brought with her. That'd work. Distractions always helped. She took out one of the textbooks, flipped it open until she found a chapter on stem cells, settled herself into the bed, and started reading. She felt herself flush when Sasuke climbed in next to her.
"Go to sleep." He murmured turning to face away from her.
She wondered if he always slept on his side, or if this was to create some space between the two of them. Closing her book, she shut off the light, and curled up on her side opposite Sasuke, trying to focus only on her breathing, and not on the gorgeous man centimeters away from her.
She was at the Tayuya's crime scene, bathed in red and blue light from the police cars around her team's old training spot. But as she looked down at Tayuya's deformed body—it wasn't Tayuya anymore, but Hinata. She felt sick and cold as she started at the corpse, black lines running across one half her body like a broken doll while the other half wasn't even humanly recognizable. Then in front of her eyes, it wasn't Hinata's body anymore but Tenten's. She became aware that she was shaking violently and wanted nothing more than to scream and look away. But she couldn't. Her vocal cords wouldn't work. Her eyes were locked on to the body, unable to look away, as it morphed again into Ino. Silent tears spilled out of her eyes and a pathetic whimper managed to escape her lips. Again the body changed this time to Moegi. She wanted to throw up—but she couldn't. That bastard was going after her friends, the people she cared about…was this how Sasuke felt? Was this why he'd been so scared? The body began to change again but she didn't want to see.
"No. No more." She managed to whisper.
Before the body could finish reforming, the scene in front of her was plunged into darkness. Her body seemed to warm a little. The shaking slowed to a stop. She didn't know why but the area around her suddenly felt safe, like nothing could hurt her here.
Sakura awoke to the sound of her phone ringing. An unfamiliar but oddly comforting weight was wrapped around her side. She opened her eyes when she felt the weight shift a little. The room around her was dark, which meant it had to be very early in the morning. Her phone usually only rang this early when there was a medical emergency, but she wasn't working as a doctor right now so why…
The phone stopped ringing. She missed the call. She knew she should check who it was, but she was so comfortable and tired. The weight pressing comfortingly against her Lats shifted again, making her look up. All her grogginess fled the as she locked on to two shining onyx eyes looking down at her. Apparently, she and Sasuke had moved much closer over the course of the night, so much so that his arm was loosely tethering him to her side. And how did his eyes shine like that? They were black and the room was dark—if anything they should be blending, she shouldn't be able to see them so clearly. They were defying the rules of physics, how was that fair?
"Sasuke-kun?" Her voice was hushed.
"In your sleep…you were shaking and I…"
Her phone started ringing again, breaking the hushed spell between them. It required a larger force of willpower than she wanted to admit, but she managed to break eye contact and flop away from him to grab her phone.
"Who is it?" Sasuke asked, sitting up.
"The hospital." She answered, confused. Why? Why were they calling her at 4am? She was on a leave of absence. If there was a medical emergency, they should be calling Shizune. She answered uncertainly.
"Hello?"
"Sakura-senpai?" It was one of the new medical residents, and her voice sounded panic stricken. "It's Ageha-chan. She's missing."
Author's Note: Sorry I had some technical difficulties posting but hopefully second times the charm. The book Sakura's referencing is called The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to your Mate by Gary Chapman. It's a very good read and can be applied to all manner of close relationships, not just romantic. I always felt that the SasuSaku relationship was deeply understanding and communicative despite the situation they're in (in part 1 they seemed to have a fairly deep understanding of each other and the Sasuke Retsuden novel and Boruto anime moments seem to indicate a highly communicative relationship).
I also feel like Sakura's parents don't really understand Ninja or Sakura's role as one from how they were speaking to her at the beginning of the Road to Ninja Movie. So I was trying to capture that with the added stress of a financial component-although I was imagining Jody Hopp's parent's from Zootopia while writing.
It was fun placing everyone's Love languages. If you want to know how I came to me conclusions let me know and I'll be happy to explain!
Thank you so much for reading and the reviews! They're really helpful for motivation so please keep it up :)