Ok so apparently since I posted chapters 9&10 back to back, a lot of people completely missed chapter 9! So if things seemed a bit confusing, it was because you missed a chapter :)
As always, enjoy and let me know what you think!
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*2 Months Later*
Hermione was woken by her wand vibrating under her pillow. It was six o'clock sharp as she pulled herself groggily out of bed to get ready for work. She slowly padded her way towards the bathroom for a quick shower. On the way there she caught sight of her dress that she had worn the night of the ball where it was still hanging on a hanger on the back of the bathroom door after she had taken if off that night.
She didn't know why she hadn't put it away in her closet yet, she figured that she just wasn't ready to admit the finality of her relationship with Ron. Even though her chest ached with pain every time that she looked at it, it made her remember the last night that she would ever be close to him, the last time she would ever be embraced by his arms or hear his voice speaking to her. On some level she thought that once she put it away, it would finally be real, and Ron would for sure be out of her life (even though she knew that was already the reality) She paused for a second to run her fingers against the silky fabric and sighed before continuing to get ready for the day.
Once out, she quickly got dressed and floo'ed into London and made her way to the ministry. Although sometimes tiring, she really did love her job and she also appreciated the distraction that it offered. She plastered a smile on her face as she made it into the office and was immediately greeted by several of her co-workers. She greeted them back cheerily as she continued straight to her cubicle, sitting down and getting to work.
Hours later she was still at it, reading over a very old law book and writing a proposal to change a current law that pertained to centaurs when she was interrupted by a knock on her cubicle wall. She jumped and let out a little squeak of surprise as she was startled out of her deep concentration.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to startle you." A deep and friendly voice said.
She turned and saw her coworker Matt smiling at her warmly so she smiled back, still not saying anything.
"I just noticed that you worked right through lunch and I brought you this."
He set a wrapped tuna sandwich on her desk in front of her. Her first thought when he did this was Ron, and how he had done the same when she had skipped lunch before. Suddenly feeling sad, she looked at the sandwich blankly for a second before remembering her manners.
"Oh! Thank you Matt. That was very thoughtful." she smiled gratefully at him.
He beamed. "Actually...that's not the only reason that I came over. I wanted to ask you something..."
She slowly put down her quill and turned all the way around so he could have her full attention. She had a mild idea of what he was about to ask her and she suddenly felt very nervous.
"What is it you wanted to ask?" she questioned him slowly.
"I wanted to ask you if you would accompany me to dinner on Friday night." he said casually.
Her mouth felt dry at his question because her suspicions had been correct. She had suspected that he had fancied her for a while now, but had purposely tried to ignore the thoughts of it getting to the point that he would ask her out. "As..as a work thing?" she tried weakly.
He laughed lightly. "No Hermione. As a date. I want to take you out."
She of course hadn't failed to notice that he was handsome. He was tall, yet not quite as tall as Ron, his hair was a dirty blonde color and he had an amazing smile. According to office talk, he apparently had just gotten out of a long-term relationship due to distance issues. So far he had been extremely nice to her and he also had helped her learn the ropes around at the office when she had started working there. He was intelligent and charming, and so far she hadn't been able to find anything wrong with him. She figured that if her heart hadn't already been taken by a certain ginger-haired man, she would have no hesitations on going on a date with Matt.
She quickly tried to formulate an answer as he stared at her, waiting patiently for her to speak. Would dating him be a good idea? She was obviously still very much in love with Ron and knew she wouldn't get over him anytime soon, but she also knew that a future with him was impossible, no matter how desperately she may want it. Maybe saying yes would help, maybe a part of her could see herself with Matt.
"I'd love to." she smiled.
He seemed relieved. "Great! I'll get your address later and I'll pick you up at six on Friday!"
"Ok. Thank you." she said and immediately grimaced. Thank you? Had she really just thanked him? For what? Asking her out? She definitely didn't know how she was going to get through a whole date without saying something awkward or embarrassing. She was an extremely intelligent woman, she knew that, but when it came to men, she majorly lacked experience. The only person that she had ever really been interested in had been someone that she knew literally everything about, there had never been any awkward 'getting to know you' formalities.
Matt didn't seem to notice her blunder as he smiled warmly at her before going on his way. She sat back in her chair, knowing that agreeing to go out with him was a good idea, even though she felt the knot in her stomach grow tighter.
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For Ron, things were as well as they could be he supposed. Everything at home was pretty much the same, he was coming home to Iz and Max every night, content and pushing any thoughts of Hermione out of his mind. However, he was very aware of all the pitiful looks that Iz was still giving him and knew that she was still feeling guilty, even though she had no right to, it really wasn't her fault.
So far he had stayed true to his word and was staying away from Hermione even though it killed him to do so. A huge chunk of him was completely numb, and although that made him feel like a robot of sorts at times, he would rather feel that than the aching heartbreak that he had felt before. They did work in the same building however so they couldn't 100% avoid each other, but when he would see glimpses of her around, he would immediately turn and go somewhere else, not allowing himself to really get a good look at her. It was easier that way. She would spend time with Harry and his family at separate times as he did, and Harry would alternate days for lunch between them and so far they hadn't managed to mess up their arrangement.
It was a Friday at noon, and it was his day to spend lunch with Harry. Instead of going out, they had decided to get lunch in the cafeteria and chat about their recent mission. They had been on the same team this time and had caught a couple of people practicing illegal dark magic and they were still on a high from it. They were again going over what had happened when Ron's eyes lifted up to see Hermione standing in the cafeteria line. There was a man standing directly behind her, and his hand was on the small of her back. The sentence that he had been saying abruptly ended as his breath caught in his throat and he immediately looked away and stared down hard at the table.
Harry looked confused before turning to see what had caused Ron's reaction. He saw what Ron had seen and turned back to him, his expression not surprised, but sympathetic.
His mouth opened, "Ron, she-"
"I didn't ask you to explain anything, did I Harry? It's none of my business what she does is it? So just don't." Ron said sharply.
Harry opened his mouth to reply but must have thought better of it and closed it again.
Unable to stop himself, Ron looked up again just as Hermione and the man started walking around, looking around for a table. Instead of feeling jealous, he felt a pain that reached the deepest part of his soul along with a feeling of helplessness that was not unfamiliar to him. He watched as she laughed at something the man was saying, the same laugh that had always affected him like no one else's could. He noted that they seemed to be getting along well and seemed pretty familiar with each other.
To his dismay, they were making their way to the far corner and had to pass right by him and Harry to get there. He sat still, hoping that she wouldn't notice him sitting there, but when she was only a few feet away, her eyes turned and she saw him. He could only watch as she startled, obviously taken by surprise. Her eyes grew wide and her smile fell off of her face as he saw her gulp. The man was still talking to her animatedly and hadn't realized that she had gotten distracted. Their eyes locked for several seconds and he saw her cheeks flare up as she started to walk faster, quickly passing him and then they were out of his sight.
Ron let out the breath that he had been holding. Although he thought he had been doing well, seeing her so close, locking eyes with her, it was like the wound that she had caused in him hadn't healed a single bit. He groaned in frustration and heartache, feeling like he was back to square one trying to get over her.
Harry didn't say anything as they sat there in silence, both knowing what the other was thinking about. Ron knew that he should leave it alone, knew that it shouldn't matter to him at all anymore, but what was and what should be were two completely different things and he was unable to stop the question from coming out of him.
He sighed wearily. "So she's seeing someone?"
Harry took a bite of his sandwich, chewing slowly as if to bide himself more time before answering. "For almost a month now, yes." he paused. "I think he can be really good for her."
"Is she happy?" he asked, moving the food around on his plate, but not eating it.
"I think…" Harry started slowly, trying to answer the right way "I think she can be...will be..eventually."
Ron nodded. "You like him then?"
"I don't know him very well, but yes, he seems to be a nice bloke."
Ron nodded again, pushing his half eaten meal away, no longer hungry. "I'm going to get back to work then."
Harry looked at his watch. "Ron lunch break just started, we have time before we have to-"
"Harry. I need to go. Now."
He desperately needed to get away, to get as far away from Hermione as possible.
Harry nodded in understanding. "Ok mate. I'll catch you later. Are you still coming by for dinner tonight?
"Yeah. Iz sent an owl earlier and she's going to take Max to visit her parents so it will just be me."
"Ok, that's fine. I'll let Ginny know."
Ron made it back to his office and started on his paperwork that he was behind on. His mind kept going back to the image of the man's hand on Hermione's back and the close way that they had been standing together. He briefly wondered if they were shagging and unwillingly the image of Hermione naked and writhing underneath this guy entered his brain and he roughly threw his quill across the room before putting his face in his hands. Would this ever get easier or was he doomed to live like this for the rest of his life?
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Hermione paced in front of her bed, laying several outfits out. Her and Matt had made their relationship official a few weeks ago, both of them agreeing not to see other people after their first few dates had gone exceptionally well. He had told her earlier that morning that he was planning on making her dinner at his place, and although he hadn't quite said it, she still had felt the suggestion behind his words.
She knew that he would never pressure her to do anything that she wasn't comfortable with, but they were two adults who were now in a committed relationship and she knew that at some point that they would have to take the next step. So far, they had not done anything more than some heavy snogging at the end of the night. She had never been inside of his house and he had never been inside her apartment, but that would change tonight.
She had already been nervous when he had mentioned the dinner that morning, but what had happened in the cafeteria had left her head spinning. She had unknowingly walked right next to where Ron was sitting and they had looked at each other for the first time since the ball. In those few seconds, as she had stared into his deep blue eyes, it was as if she had been transported back in time. She had been right back in the middle of battle, her lips pressed to his, and love for him overwhelming every one of her senses. It was a feeling she had never felt before then, had not felt since, and one she craved to feel again. She had been unable to concentrate for the remainder of the day, trying to hold herself together. The familiar ache from the loss of him had come back full force with just one look.
She let out a loud sigh and wiped her eyes. She had to stop doing this. She was ready to take the next step with Matt. She told herself that having sex with her boyfriend would help her get over Ron as she put on her nicest bra and knicker set. They weren't exactly 'sexy' but they were a deep purple color and girlier than what she usually wore. She then stepped into a navy dress that was also a little sexier than what she would normally wear, hoping she didn't come across as too eager.
She was about to apparate to Matt's house but paused when she caught sight of her dress still hanging on the bathroom door. Slowly, she walked over and pulled it down before walking it to her closet. She hung it up slowly and reverently before stepping back and closing her closet door.
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Dinner had gone great, conversation with him never felt forced and they had talked easily, even having a couple glasses of wine that had helped her relax. Then he had brought out a delicious cheesecake and they had shared a slice, neither of them wanting to get too full.
When they were finished, Matt stood up from the table and held his hand out to her, pulling her up so she was standing and then pulling her body to his as he started to kiss her slowly. He tasted like wine and cheesecake and she allowed herself to get lost in the feeling of it. As the kiss got deeper and he pulled her body closer, she could feel what it was doing to him and her heart started beating faster. She told herself the reason for it doing that was because of lust and not nerves.
Slowly, they made their way back to the bedroom, barely separating their mouths at all. They made it to the bed and he laid down on it, pulling her on top of him as he started to unzip the back of her dress. When it was all of the way unzipped, he rolled them both over so he was on top of her. He gently peeled the sleeves down, kissing her collarbone and tops of her shoulders. He sat up as she raised her hips and allowed him to pull the dress down her body, fully removing it.
He quickly unbuttoned his shirt and discarded it before leaning down on top of her again. Her bra clasped in the front and Matt popped it open and eagerly started to explore her chest. As he bent down and took her nipple in his mouth, a jolt of pleasure shot through her and she closed her eyes and let out a moan.
All of a sudden a memory popped into her head. It was 6th year. Ron had recently gotten out of the hospital wing after being poisoned and they were friends again. She had nagged him about homework for the first time in months, and he had smiled so brightly at her that his whole face had lit up.
'No. Stop it.' she told herself. 'Stop thinking of Ron. This is Matt. Matt is the one making you feel like this right now.'
She heard Matt pull off his jeans, leaving them both only in their underwear. He was kissing her more passionately than she had ever been kissed before, and she was kissing him back, trying to keep up.
His hand slipped into her knickers then, and before she could stop it, her mind immediately went back to her time at Shell Cottage, with Ron never leaving her side and being so incredibly gentle and loving towards her.
Her eyes watered at the memory and she moaned again out of frustration, but Matt must have thought it had been out of pleasure and he pushed a finger into her body, her hips immediately raising off of the bed of their own accord, her throat humming her appreciation.
He started working on her with his fingers as she willed herself to relax and be there in the moment with him. He quickly brought her to release and as his free arm embraced her tightly as she shuddered, she saw herself in Ron's arms, dancing at Bill's wedding, the image quickly changing to when they had danced at the ministry ball, the way his body fit so perfectly against hers. She shook her head to try and get it out of her mind, her breaths still heavy.
Matt let go of her then before peeling off her knickers and gently pulling her thighs apart as he removed his own pants before settling in between her legs. She felt him right there, slightly nudging her as he started kissing her deeply again. She took a shuddering breath and when she closed her eyes she heard Ron, screaming her name from the cellar at Malfoy Manor, his voice anchoring her and keeping her from going unconscious. She then saw Ron in the moment right before part of the ceiling was about to fall on her, his face desperate and panicked, his eyes full of pain and fear as if he were about to lose everything that he loved.
She gasped. "Stop! No!" she cried out.
Matt raised himself onto his arms quickly, looking bewildered. "Wha-what's wrong?" he sputtered, still halfway in a lust-induced state.
She couldn't stop the tears that started pouring down the sides of her face. "I've never..I've never.." her jaw quivered.
His eyes softened. "It's okay." he said tenderly. "I'll be gentle with you Hermione."
He bent down to kiss her again but she turned her face away. "I want to go home." she said in a small voice, her body slightly shaking as she tried to stop herself from fully breaking down.
He let out a loud sigh and leaned back. "Yeah. Of course. Whatever you need."
She quickly scrambled out from under him and collected her clothing. She could feel him staring at her and she had never felt so humiliated in all of her life. She was quite possibly ruining her chance of being with a good man who was a good match for her. And for what? For Ron? She wished that she could just stop loving him as she did but she couldn't. Maybe she never would be able to. The thought made her feel like she was doomed to a life of misery.
Once she was dressed, she turned around to look at Matt. He was sitting up in his bed, the covers now around his waist. He looked slightly hurt, but the main look on his face was concern.
"Are you okay Hermione?" he asked her hesitantly. "You can talk to me, you know. We don't have to do anything...we can just talk."
His voice was calm but she could hear the pleading in it. He didn't want her to go.
"No. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Matt. I screwed everything up." she cried, wiping the tears from her eyes.
He went to stand up, but thought better of it as he was still naked and sat back down on the bed. "Do you need me to do anything?" he asked quietly.
She shook her head. "Only forgive me for this."
He furrowed his brows slightly. "There's nothing to forgive Hermione. I'm not going to make you do something that you don't want to do."
"Th-thank you Matt...I'll see you soon okay?"
He nodded. "Ok. Goodnight."
With that, she disapparated straight to her bedroom before falling onto her bed and crying the way she had wanted to before. After a few minutes she was hit with a feeling of loneliness so strong that she knew she needed not to be alone in that moment. Her eyes wandered to the picture on her nightstand. It was a picture of herself, Harry, and Ron on the night that Harry unexpectedly arrived at The Burrow the summer before 6th year. They were on the couch, with her in the middle. Harry had smiled dutifully at the camera, but her and Ron had been talking to each other, too wrapped up in the conversation to realize that their picture was even being taken. She seemed to be speaking a great deal about something while Ron listened intively, staring at her with a small smile on his beautiful face, his eyes soft as she had carried on, oblivious to the look he was giving her.
She bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. She knew that the loneliness that she was feeling wasn't just for company, it was for his company, and it was also the one thing that she couldn't have.
She figured that if she couldn't have him, then she could have the next best thing. She quickly walked over to her fireplace, and floo'd straight to Grimmauld Place.