I said recently in another fic that I wasn't going to post anything on here related to The Loud House anymore (unless it's about The Casagrandes instead). However, I'm making an exception just this once and here's why.
I wrote this Christmas episode last year but never posted it because I didn't finish it in time. I put a lot of time and effort into it and am really happy with the overall final product, so I don't want it to go to waste.
However, there is still one thing about it I no longer like. At the time when I wrote it, I often had too much fun hating on and making fun of The Loud House, so there's some parts in this episode that feature that. I don't make scenes like that anymore and I apologize for them.
If you want to, please leave a comment on this episode if you enjoyed it, especially if you have any thoughts on the jokes or plot. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy.
It was November 26th, 2019. This meant that there were only two days left until Christmas in the Special family's universe. Despite this, their house was still covered with Halloween decorations. Everywhere that you could look, there was something that would make you think it was October. This contrasted with the more Christmas-looking snowy weather outside. The excessive amount of pumpkins were rotting away and had reached the point that they smelled, but Lucy didn't mind one bit if it meant she could keep celebrating her favorite day of the year, even though it had been over for nearly a month.
Since it had been so long since Halloween ended and it was so close to Christmas, Luan could not take it any longer. Still wearing the new Christmas version of her clothes, she angrily marched up to her goth sister, who was sitting on the couch while the stop motion Halloween episode of SpongeBob was on. "It is Christmas Eve Eve! No one's house should have Halloween decorations on Christmas Eve Eve!" Luan shouted, only beginning a furious rant she had planned.
Lucy's response was nothing more than a nod of her head from side to side and a taunting grin. "It's typical to leave holiday decorations up for a while after the holiday's over. And since Christmas is no longer a thing here in Mortolat Town, these can stay up until it's time to decorate for New Decade's Eve," she said, making Luan angrier. "Unless you'd rather wait for February's holiday. 'Cause I know how much you love that one." The February holiday was actually one that Luan hated and the sarcastic tease from Lucy filled her with even more rage, an emotion she usually never felt when Christmas Eve was less than 24 hours away. It was made even worse by the fact Lucy was born in February and Luan was born in November, so Luan subconsciously felt like her sister was trying to say that she had the better birth month between the two of them.
Luckily for Lucy, Luan's attention was taken away when their two non-chocolate older sisters came into the living room. "Luan, I'm sorry it took so long to come to my decision, but there was a lot to consider and I've been very busy," Lisa said while Luan turned around and looked up at her. "I wanted to skip Christmas because the rest of our family would miss it. But I feel most, if not all, of them wouldn't want us to miss the holiday just because they have to. And so, I am pleased to say that we WILL be celebrating Christmas this year."
How mad Luan was just a moment ago suddenly could seem like it had actually been hours earlier. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" she shouted, all her excitement for Christmas coming out at once in the form of a purely joyous scream. She ran towards a window, yanked it open, and began throwing Lucy's Halloween decorations onto the front porch. When the room was clear, she pressed a button, and now it was decorated properly. Pushing the button also changed the TV to SpongeBob's other stop motion holiday episode, the Christmas one.
Lucy was of course angry about this at first, but seeing her little sister so happy made it hard to stay that way. "You know what? I'm not even mad," she said.
"Living room's done," stated Luan. "Several more rooms to go."
"The living room's not done," Lisa said facetiously. "You forgot the most important thing."
"Ladder attacks?" Luan asked as a joke. Nobody got it, but even Lana was willing to ignore it.
"The tree," clarified Lisa.
"Putting up the tree is not part of decorating the house. It's its own separate thing," Luan explained as if she decides how holidays work, making Lisa smile.
As Luan ran into the dining room so she could continue updating the house's ambiance, Lana had her mind on something more important. "I'm gonna go get PJ so someone can tell him what Christmas is. He's been really patient waiting for this. He deserves it."
In the upstairs hallway, Prune Juice had been playing with his toys, which had caught the attention of Darcy, who had been visiting that day. She decided to join him, not caring that she was too old for it. "Hey, white bunny thing! I'll bet you a million pounds of figgy pudding that you can't beat me in a tickle fight!" she said to Scor, pretending it was actually Rafo saying it. Prune Juice just looked at her with confusion. "Come on, kid. Haven't you ever played with toys before?" Darcy said to him as herself. "You're supposed to make 'em say stuff."
"But Rafo didn't say anything. You did," PJ objected, not understanding that his big sister's friend was playing pretend. Before he could get a response to that, Lana reached the top of the stairs and picked him up. "Is it time I get to know what Christmas is NOW?" he asked in a whiny voice that resulted from his patience starting to lessen.
"It sure is," Lana answered, which put a smile on her baby brother's face.
"YAY!" he shouted, knowing his almost month-long curiosity was finally about to be put to rest.
As the two siblings headed downstairs, Darcy instantly stood up with excitement and put her giraffe away in her backpack. She then started banging on Luna's bedroom door. "ORNAMENT!" she yelled at almost the top of her lungs. This was the code word that Luan had decided was what would be used if it became time for Prune Juice to learn what Christmas is and anyone wanted a quick way to say that.
Luna knew this and jolted into the hallway, not wanting to miss her brother's introduction to the best day of the year. Neither of them saying a word, the two girls ran down to the living room, feeling like they were about to be a part of history.
Prune Juice was sat down on the living room floor. He glanced around the room, seeing Christmas decorations for the first time ever. He liked the bright lights, but didn't have any reaction to the rest of the decorations. He was oblivious to any significance the wreathes, holly, flocking, jingle bells, and everything else had, so none of it made him feel anything due to not associating them with any good memories.
Luan stood in between her brother and the front door. After suppressing her hype enough to say it calmly, she looked down at him and said, "Little bro, for this important life-changing event of yours, I have asked Sid's dad to join us as a SPECIAL guest." She opened the door and there was the man she had just said would be stopping by.
Lana planted her face into her hand, as her little sister's strange choices baffled her once again. "Luan, if you want someone else to tell PJ what Christmas is for you so you can redecorate, that's fine. But you didn't have to bring someone from the Y universe all the way here just for that. There's plenty of other people here already."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Luan yelled while pointing at the overalls wearer. "I am going to be the one to partake in this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that wouldn't even be happening if it weren't for me." Luna was a little annoyed that Luan took all the credit for something they did together, but she was willing to let that minor slip-up pass by. "That's not why he's here," the older twin continued. "He's just here for the sake of an in-joke that's gonna come up in a minute."
"Can somebody please go get Claus?" PJ asked while looking around at everyone. "'Cause I just knowed he's gonna wanna listen what Christmas is too," he said, blissfully unaware that there are rules to grammar.
"Ooh, I'll say!" Luan shouted, the name her brother had said having brought back her passion for this situation.
"Someone tell me who Claus is and I'll go get him," Sid's dad kindly offered.
"You're not the only one here who's gonna be finding out who someone named Claus is!" Luan said while holding her hands up to her mouth and wildly stomping her feet.
"Claus is my brother's blankie," Lisa explained, not caring that most people her age would say 'blanket' or that Lana gave her a judgmental stare. "He should be somewhere on the floor in the upstairs hallway."
Hearing Lisa refer to the blanket with a gender-specific pronoun got Sid's dad intrigued. He quickly found what he was looking for and then brought it down to the living room, where he wrapped it around PJ's back. "I gotta say. That was a letdown. You had me thinking the blanket was somehow alive," he commented, but not actually minding it too much.
"Alright, here we go!" Luan excitedly said while rubbing her hands together. "Little bro, Christmas is a holiday. April Fool's Day is my favorite holi...You know what? No it isn't! Christmas makes all other holidays look like regular days, its sheer awesomeness overpowers the others that much! With my birthday being in the same month, I even find it hard to give that day the attention it deserves. Just like how Thanksgiving gets overshadowed by Christmas in universes where it exists."
"Get to the point! You're not telling him what he wants to know," Lana interjected with her fists angrily on her hips.
"I was getting to that. Sheesh!" Luan turned her attention back to her brother so she could continue what she wanted to say. "Christmas first started when Jesus Christ was born. I don't know who this Jesus guy is, but I've heard a lot of people say he's awesome. And he must be to have his birthday become the biggest holiday of the year. Over time, Christmas started getting less and less about Jesus and more and more about giving presents to each other. On some day in the future, a certain man, Santa Claus, thought it was stupid that everyone had turned the holiday into something completely different than it was never supposed to be. He felt that Jesus deserved to have his holiday still be about him, so Santa went back in time to make things right. He went all the way back to some point before Christmas had changed, and started his own holiday called Christmas that was all about him giving people presents. That way, December 25th could be just Jesus's Birthday but the people who liked what Christmas had become could still have it. Ever since then, he's delivered presents to people all over the world on the day that Christmas was moved to, the fourth Thursday of November."
Prune Juice's jaw dropped. "Whoa! I wasn't expecting that."
"What were you expecting?" Sid's dad asked after a brief pause.
"...I...I don't know."
"Okay, you did what you need to do, Ken," Luan said to Sid's dad.
"My name is Stanley," he retorted, a little offended by the lack of respect.
Luan was undeterred by what he said. "Whatever floats your boat, Ken. You can go home now," she said while adding a hand gesture that further indicated he could leave.
"I'm not going anywhere until I get that check you promised me."
"Keep your pants on. It's right here." Luan handed him a big check mark made of green foam.
"Thank you," he genuinely said while accepting the check.
"You're welcome. And thank you for doing this for me."
"What are you talking about?" Lana asked. "He didn't do anything."
"Yes, he did. You just don't get it. But, in the spirit of the season, I'll explain one of my jokes to you for once. 'What were you expecting?' is a line from A Christmas Story Live!, and has become a personal meme of mine. So, I wanted Sid's dad's to come here and say it, which he did.
"Okay, I guess, but why did he have to say it when you easily could have yourself?" the only brown-haired Special sister there asked, making it clear that she still didn't really get it.
Luan nodded her head back and forth at this. "Sorry, but I draw the line at explaining the joke that much."
Sid's dad was going to ask Lisa what the easiest way for him to return to his universe was, but then he remembered something he wanted to do first. While he went outside, Luan put her brother on the couch and sat down next to him. She pointed at the TV because him watching the episode that was on was very important to her. He liked what he saw, but what made it any different from any other SpongeBob episode went over his head.
Since Christmas no longer needed to be kept secret, Darcy was now able to ask something that had been on her mind all day. "Lisa, can I stay here at your house on Christmas? My parents are..."
"Say no more. I see where you're going with that." Darcy was surprised to be interrupted, but didn't mind it. "Of course you can stay with us. You can sleepover as long as you need to."
"Thank you, but I'll bet..."
Darcy was cut off once again when Sid's dad came back in with a box wrapped in green paper that had gotten some snow on it. "It would be my honor to give your brother his first ever Christmas gift, if you'll allow it."
"Oh, please," Lisa said while gesturing at Prune Juice, a hint of desperation in her voice. She hadn't bought any of her siblings any gifts due to thinking the holiday was going to be skipped. So, she now wanted to be sure they all got as many presents as possible. "Prune Juice, what do you say?"
"Thank you, Sid's daddy."
"Very good. Now open it, little bro!" she said with a smile once the present was in his lap.
Most babies his age would have no idea what to do with a wrapped gift. But thanks to what happened to him on the night after the day he was unchocolatized, Prune Juice was able to learn about the concept of opening presents from seeing three of his sisters open theirs on their birthdays. The only problem was, despite knowing what to do, he didn't know how to do it. He tried several times, but his present remained wrapped. "Can I get some help here?" Without hesitation, all the other people there started tearing at the wrapping paper. The present was open in the blink of an eye, revealing a plain white cardboard box with a lid.
"It's a box!" Luan shouted, as this was something she said pretty much every single time someone unwrapped a box that still needed to be opened to know what the gift inside was. Lana had never been able to stand this running joke and dreaded having to hear those three words every Christmas and potentially on birthdays too. She tried to get the lid off of the box before Luan could say it, but she was too slow.
After the lid was taken off and thrown on the floor, PJ could now see what Sid's dad had actually gotten for him, a wooden toy train. "So what do you think? Don't you love it?" the gift giver asked.
For a moment, Prune Juice wasn't sure what to say to him. "What is it?" he asked.
"It's a sign!" Luan said with enthusiasm as she dramatically took the train out of the box. "First the blankie you were wrapped in when we got you said 'Claus' on it and now your first ever present is a train. That's two, count 'em, TWO references to Santa Claus is Comin' to Town in a row! So, I have a fan theory. Luna, I've been doin' a bunch-a talkin' and you haven't gotten to say anything, so I want you to tell it to him."
"Thanks, sis." Luna had been leaning on the side of the coffee table. She moved to the front of it so Prune Juice could get a better view of her. Luan was so particular about how she wanted this to go that she had already told Luna exactly what she wanted her to say. With it perfectly memorized, she began to recite it. "A couple years ago, Anthony had a fan theory about Lincoln."
"WHO IS THIS ANTHONY PERSON?!" Lana screamed at the top of her lungs.
Ignoring her older sister's sudden outburst, Luna picked up from where she left off. "He thought that since Lincoln has white hair and got a really cool present from Santa the year before, that maybe he was actually Santa's son. Luan would not be surprised at all if Anthony chose to rehash the idea and make you Santa's son since you're kinda like the Lincoln of our universe in a way."
"Okay, cool," Prune Juice stated. "Can we go see this Santa guy?" he asked Lisa. "I wanna meet my mommies and daddies, so I wanna ask him if he's one of those."
"That's a great idea, PJ. I'll book us a tour of his workshop right now," Lisa said while getting her phone.
"I'm not hearing any sarcasm in your tone of voice," commented Lana, who was both confused and a little concerned.
"That's because I'm not being sarcastic." Upon hearing her say this, Lana grabbed Lisa by the arm and dragged her into the kitchen. At the same time, Luan ran upstairs because she wanted to get back to redecorating. "What's the deal, Lana?" Lisa asked her younger sister once they were away from the others.
"Please tell me you actually plan to take PJ to a mall Santa."
"Why? Are you worried the trip to the North Pole would be too long or too dangerous? I was just going to open a portal that will take us straight there, so it won't be."
"Yeah, I know. But don't you know how upset he'd be once he saw that Santa isn't real?"
Lisa was shocked to hear Lana say that. "Well, he only just found out about Santa, so I don't think he'd care. He'd only be upset about not getting to know who his biological father is. Besides, Santa is real."
Lana was so caught off guard by what was said to her that she nearly fell backwards. "Oh my Arceus. You have to be kidding. You're the last person in the whole multiverse I would've thought believes in Santa Claus."
"To be honest, I'm surprised to learn that you don't. Don't you remember the one Christmas when I was 9 and you were 7 and he came to our house?"
"Holy spec! Am I the only sane one in this family anymore?!"
"What?"
"Lisa, that was Dad in a costume."
"Is that what you thought? Didn't you know why Santa had come? Dad had to work on Christmas Day, which made Santa feel sympathetic for us. So, after he gave us some extra presents, he used Christmas magic to get Dad his day off, and then he was home after Santa had left."
Lana said nothing. She simply crossed her arms and made a face that said she wasn't going to dignify Lisa's surprisingly idiotic interpretation of that day with a response.
"I see you're on the fence. But I assure you that you will be off of the fence once we get to the North Pole," Lisa said while using her phone to book them all a tour of the North Pole. There were no available times for that day, so she had to book one on the night of Christmas Eve. Lana couldn't help but roll her eyes and cringe. "Why are you so sure there's no Santa, Lana? Every possible universe is real, which means there are ones that have Santa Claus. Why can't our universe be one of them?"
"...Well, I guess it can. I just really don't think that..."
"Lisa, when you get a sec, can you come here?" Darcy called from the living room.
Lisa had no reason to be in the kitchen anymore, so she went to go see what her friend wanted right away. Upon reentering the living room, she noticed Sid's dad seemed to be gone. "Where'd Sid's dad?" she asked.
"I told him the present he got me didn't look fun to play with and then he left," Prune Juice explained.
"Were you polite?"
"Yeah, he was," Darcy chimed in. "If anyone wasn't polite, it was that other guy. He was kinda a big baby about it."
"Well, looks like somebody's gettin' naughty listed," Lisa joked. "So, what did you want me to come here for?"
"Stockings have always been my favorite Christmas decoration, so I asked Luan why she didn't hang any up, and then she...started crying."
Lisa's Christmas cheer was suddenly gone as she hunched over with her eyes closed and her mouth forming a frown. "See? This is why I didn't want to celebrate this dumb holiday unless everyone was here!"
"But they are. Most of us are just chocolates," said PJ, who was taking his sister too literally.
"What do the chocolates have to do with the stockings?" asked Lucy.
"If I'm correct, and I'm correct 89.23% of the time, what made Luan cry was having to decide if all our stockings should be hung or if we should only do the ones that belong to the people who aren't chocolate. The fact Prune Juice doesn't have a stocking probably played a part in it too," Lisa theorized. "But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think there was more to it. At the end of the day, Christmas stockings are mostly just a fandangle. What she's likely actually sad about is what the stockings represent. She wants our whole family to be together on Christmas."
"THAT'S GOTTA BE IT!" yelled Luna.
Darcy understood the Specials' views on this, but at the same time, she also had her own. "I've never understood why everybody always acts like it's the end of the world when they don't get to spend Christmas with their entire family. Why does the experience need to be shared with others in order to be enjoyed?"
"Hey, that sounds like something that would convince her," Lisa commented before heading upstairs to repeat it to her sister.
Prune Juice had spent nearly the whole day doing nothing but watching Christmas specials, movies, and TV show episodes. Luan wanted him to catch up on them as quickly as possible since Christmas was so close. It also served as an easy way for him to get a better understanding of Santa Claus. As a result, he had his first ever Christmas dream that night. It was a series of rapid flashes of what he had watched. Of course, in addition to Frosty, Rudolph, the Peanuts, SpongeBob, the Rugrats, Mario, Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory, the original Loud family, and many other iconic characters, he also saw dancing visions of sugar plums.
His montage of a dream ended and it shifted into a new one. He heard an instrumental rendition of a song he had never heard before, Away in a Manger, being played on electric guitar. He now saw Luna performing the song in his dream. As his eyes slowly opened, he caught sight of her playing it for real. Usually, loud noise waking PJ up would naturally make him cry like it would with any other baby, but not this time.
One by one, the music woke up the others too. "And stay by my cradle 'til morning is nigh!" Luna sang. "Merry Christmas Eve, dudes!" she shouted once her whole audience was awake and the song was over.
"What the heck, Luna?" complained Lana. She rubbed her eye and yawned, and then continued by saying, "Why would you wake us up like that?"
"Don't go directing that Grinchy attitude at her, direct it at me," Lisa said while sarcastically wagging her finger. "I told her to do it. We all had to get up bright and early because there's been a change in plans regarding our visit to the North Pole. Darcy, you would hate the surprise I've got planned, so I was thinking I'd open a portal for you and you'd wait for us there, if you're willing."
"Sounds good to me."
The six Specials and one Helmandollar all knew that they had a big day ahead of them. After a quick breakfast of Christmas Zombie Bran and toaster waffles, it was time to change out of their pajamas and into their snow clothes. They mostly each used a different room to save time. Once they were dressed, they all gathered in the living room.
The first thing to do was to get Darcy her portal. "Now, you're sure this'll take me to the North Pole of this universe?" she asked once the portal was open.
"Yes," Lisa assured her. "I know, that's not usually what we use these for."
"Bye, everybody. See you tonight."
As Darcy went through the portal, the others said, "Bye," back and Lisa added, "Have fun."
"Why did Darcy have to leave before us? Wouldn't it make more sense to show us this surprise and then we all left together?" asked Lana.
"Making her friend see something she'd hate on Christmas Eve isn't very nice, now is it, Wrench?" Luan asked teasingly.
"There's more to it than that. I'll explain after you see what it is," Lisa added in. "Now, are my little siblings ready for the North Pole?!"
Most of them shouted, "Yeah!" and Lana simply said "Yes," with no enthusiasm.
"What about their Pokémon? Are they ready to see Santa?!"
Zero cheered with his fist in the air and PJ held Scor up high.
"Is the home security app on my phone that also allows me to know if the TV has any assignments for us ready to go to the North Pole and see Santa?! It is!" Lisa realized at that moment that she was more into this than she thought she was going to be. "And now for that surprise I promised." She opened the front door, thinking that a Pokémon would be on the other side. After she heard her siblings gasp, she took a look and saw that it was instead a former Pokémon trainer. "Karli?!"
Karli completely knew that she should not be there. She hoped that the Specials would be able to tell from the guilty expression on her face that she had no malicious intentions. Unfortunately for her, each one didn't notice for one reason or another. "I uhhh...have the Pokémon you rented," she nervously said while holding a Net Ball out in front of her.
Lisa snatched it out of her hands and then angrily pointed at the unwelcome guest. "What did I tell you about coming here?!" she shouted.
"Please hear me out," Karli pleaded.
Before Karli could explain herself or even get a response, she was suddenly being yelled at by someone who was standing behind her. "Hey, O'Donnell! I told you two coats of wax on my hoverboard, not just one!" It was another person Luan had a bad relationship with, Ronald Santiago.
"Hey, hey, I just put the second coat on last week," Karli replied while slowly turning around.
"Uhh, yeah?! With your eyes closed?!" Ronald sarcastically yelled at her.
Karli turned back around and after a brief moment of no one speaking, Luan said "Are you two related?" as a joke while pointing at her two enemies.
"O'DONNELL!" Ronald shouted, trying to get back on topic just as quickly as the subject had changed in the first place. "What the hell am I payin' you for?!"
As he dragged her out of the house by the back of her shirt, Karli said "Hey, Specials. Say hello to your grandma for me," with a nervous smile.
He tossed Karli over to his hoverboard and then said "And Special! Don't go anywhere! You're next!" while pointing at the little jokester who couldn't stand him. He then stomped outside and slammed the door.
"Every time he calls me that I can never tell if it's because it's my last name or if he's trying to insult me. Probably both," Luan stated.
Through the living room window, the Specials watched Ronald yell at Karli and make her wax his Pit Bull hoverboard. "I'm sure most of you can guess this, but that's not what my surprise was," said Lisa. She then locked the front door and took her siblings through a portal. They were brought to a body of water near Mortolat Town so Lisa could release the Pokémon from its ball outside like she planned, but away from their two unwanted visitors. "This is!"
She held the ball in front of the water, it opened up, and the Lapras that came out of it was now in the water. "I don't know what that thing is or how you thought we'd feel about it," commented Lucy.
"Does this mean what I think it means?!" Luan joyously asked.
"We are not going to the North Pole via a portal. We are going to journey there by riding this here Lapras!"
With Lisa confirming what she was predicting, Luan started running around and cheering. Lana, the one who usually liked Pokémon the most out of everyone in the family, was ironically not so thrilled about Lisa's surprise. "This is a horrible idea!" she screamed. "Do I seriously have to tell you that?! Luan, why are you even happy about this? I thought you hated Pokémon because I like them."
"I don't hate Pokémon," Luan corrected. "I just hate all that lame trainer stuff you're into. And the reason I like this is because there's an episode of a certain show I like where the characters ride to the North Pole on a Lapras. Now what we're doin' is a tribute to that. I love it!"
"There's just one problem," Lisa said, upset that she had to ruin it. "Eating breakfast and getting dressed took a bit longer than I anticipated. The delay from that whole thing with Karli and Ronald may have been problematic as well. Now, if my in-head calculations are correct, we won't be able to make it in time anymore."
"So you're saying we need to use magic to make the Lapras faster?" asked a hopeful Lucy.
"That's not what I was thinking, but you can go ahead and try."
Since Lisa brought it up, Lucy started attempting to succeed at that challenge. "What were you thinking then?" Luan asked while her black-haired sister kept trying different magic words, all of which did nothing.
"You have every right to reject this idea. I'm sure you won't like it. I was thinking we try to convince Ronald to let us borrow his hoverboard. If we tie it to the Lapras, we could use the board to get to the North Pole faster."
"Smart. But there's one small flaw."
"And what would that be?"
"Hoverboards don't work on water! Unless you got POWAH!"
"If anybody's got powah, it's Ronald. He's got a really scary voice," said Prune Juice.
"That's not his real voice," Luan clarified. "That's just his Biff Tannen impression he uses when he wants to sound intimidating. So, in theory, he's just like the elf who says 'Why weren't you at elf practice?' in Rudolph. Unless the intimidating voice is that character's real one, which I think it is."
"But why is he so mean? Isn't he boy Ronnie Anne? Ronnie Anne is nice."
"It all goes back to when Ronald met Luan and Ronnie Anne met Lincoln. Ronnie Anne's nice to Lincoln because they became friends. On the other end of the spectrum, Luan and Ronald don't like each other at all," Lisa explained. "So what do you think of my idea, Luan? Should we ask Ronald if we can borrow it?"
"He prefers to call it a her, but yes. I've also heard him say he doesn't let anybody else ride it, so we're gonna have to let him come with us."
"And you'd be okay with that?"
"I'd really rather he didn't. But if that's the only way we get to ride this Lapras, then I guess. But let's take some time to think about what we're gonna say first."
Back at the house, a portal appeared on the floor next to the other one. Lane was the person who came out of it. "Ah! Borrowing your brother's invention with permission so that you can go to an opposite gender version of your universe. That classic Christmas Eve tradition!" he said.
Ronald had been staring through the window, waiting for the Specials to return, since he noticed they were gone. When he saw Lane from the back, he started banging on the window to get his attention. "Hey, Special! I thought I told you to stay in here!" This made Lane turn around, which allowed Ronald to realize this was a case of mistaken identity. "You ain't Luan Special. You look like her though, especially with those dog-ugly yellow clothes."
"And you sound like a 60-year-old man," Lane retorted, unfazed by Ronald's insult.
Ronald then coughed to clear his throat so he could get back to his real voice. "That's just my fake bully voice. What's your excuse, 8-year-old who sounds 23?"
Lane tried to think of an answer to that question, but he quickly discovered that he didn't have one. To still give some form of a response, he shrugged. "So are you Luan's bully? If yes, you're nothing like I was picturing. The bully in my universe is an emo girl named Maggie."
"Well, Luan's pretty much the only person I'm mean to and I only am because we hate each other so much. I don't think that's enough to qualify me as a..."
"Lane?" the younger of the two boys heard Lisa say before he could see for himself that she was now behind him. "What are you doing here?"
"I've had something that I wanted to say to Luan for the past several days. Where is she?"
Lisa politely directed him to the portal she just came from. After she watched Lane excitedly hop through it, yelling, "CANNONBALL!" while grabbing his legs, she was suddenly being charged at by Ronald, who was trying to get past her. "Whoa, whoa, stop!" she yelled. "Ronald, I have something to offer you. But you have to promise you won't bother Luan for the day."
On the other side of the portal, Lane looked his female counterpart straight in the eye and said, "My name is in multiple Christmas songs. Yours is in zero Christmas songs. I win."
"Having a name that happens to also be a word is not victory," replied an annoyed Luan.
Now Lisa was back with Ronald. Looking down at the other boy she wasn't related to, she said, "Lane, we're all off to the North Pole to see Santa Claus. Would you like to come with us?"
Behind him, Luan waved her arms back and forth to indicate she didn't want him to come. Unaware of that, Lane answered with, "No thanks. I've already met the Santa of my universe."
"Oh, really? You've met Santa?" Luan asked sarcastically, not believing him.
"Indeed," Lane said proudly. "Ya' see, when you don't have to worry about turning chocolates back into your family members, you can focus on doing whatever you want. I've met Santa, my sister's been to space, my four oldest brothers once fought X, Zero, and Axl, and I'm gonna meet two Star Trek characters today! The whole chocolate thing doesn't have to be the reason why you do that cool stuff. It just makes it unnecessarily emotional and weird."
"...I hate you," Luan said in the most blunt way possible.
"Right back at ya'," Lane said jokingly, not minding what Luan had said to him. "So, you guys have fun. I'll go take care of Karli for you."
"That's nice of you to help us out like that. Thank you," replied Lisa.
One stepping through of the portal later, Lane let Karli in with Lisa watching. Once he could, he locked the door because Lisa would want it that way. The brown-haired 10-year-old who felt she shouldn't be there sat down on the floor, took off her glasses, and planted her face into her knees. "Hey, Karli," Lane greeted. "You wanna come hang out at my house? I'll make you some stuffed mushrooms."
"Can you make me a burger instead?"
"I wasn't actually gonna make you anything 'cause that was just an iCarly joke, but sure. I've got a steamed hams stand."
"Thanks," Karli said in a sad tone that didn't match what she was saying.
"Hey, what are you so sad on Christmas Eve for?"
"'Cause unlike y'all, my life is pointless. Anthony keeps wanting to use me and my acquaintances, but all the plots he can come up with involve you Specials. Also, Christmas isn't in November in either of the universes I'm from, so that couldn't possibly cheer me up. There's also something else. To let me know if you share my pain, can I ask you a question?"
"Does it involve Canadian trivia? That's also an iCarly joke. Ask away."
"You know how I'm based on Leaf the Pokémon trainer and that's made me hate her even though she came first?"
"No. I don't even know who you're talking about unless you mean my brother and you're getting your pronouns wrong."
"Never mind. I just wanna know what your opinion on The Loud House is."
One of Lane's eyebrows went up. "What's The Loud House? Is that a band? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with their work. That one was Drake & Josh."
"Do you genuinely not know?" Karli asked.
"Yeah."
"Then I probably shouldn't tell you. I don't think you'll like it. And I mean you specifically."
"Why? Is it a Disney thing?"
"Let's just say you'll feel about Leif the same way I feel about Leaf. You'll feel that way about Lane too."
The now very confused young boy felt like Karli had just lost control of what names she chooses to say. "...Whaaaaaat?" he said.
"I'll explain at your house. Let's go play Smash Ultimate, as long as you don't pick Pokémon Trainer."
"I never do! Hey, look at that. Another iCarly line," Lane said before starting to drag Karli through the portal to his universe while she grabbed her glasses. Then he began to sing. "Black Christmas is a movie that I probably won't see 'cause it's rated R. Maybe next year, but probably not. My last name is Special! Murdery Christmas! I wrapped it up and sent it with a postcard saying 'I don't love you. I'm aroace!' Now I know what a foo' I've been. So if you kiss me now, I'll punch you right in the face!" His song cheered Karli up a little.
Lane's portal closed once him and Karli were on the other side. Now Lisa could stop peeking through hers and it shut as well. "That went on for way longer than it needed to. You have no idea how hard it was to resist the temptation to yell at them and tell them to leave. Anyway, let's get back on topic."
"Back on topic what?" Prune Juice asked.
"PJ, that's 'top of,' not 'topic,'" Lana explained while patting his head. "Go on, Lisa."
"Ronald said he would speed us up with his hoverboard, but only if we agree to one thing that he wants."
"I want to take a two-hour break at some point of my choosing and during that break, I want Luan to fan me while feeding me grapes and calling me Big Daddy."
"What?!" Luan yelled. "No! I'm not agreein' to that." After taking a second to think about it, she continued talking. "But if that's the only way we'll get Lapras there in time, I guess I have no choice."
Lana objected to this by saying, "You do too. We can use a portal instead of..."
"No, I said I have no choice. But I'm making it a rule that Ronald has to wait at least half an hour before taking his break."
"Make it 20 minutes and you got a deal," Ronald counter-offered.
"Okay, deal." The two shook on it, with Luan using her foot instead of her hand for the sake of being different.
"Would you really rather escort us all the way to the North Pole than spend Christmas Eve with your family?" asked an intrigued Lucy.
"Anything to get away from Hector," he answered before getting onto his hoverboard, which had been hooked onto the Lapras with a rope.
"Isn't Hector your grandpa?" Luan asked. "If so, why are you calling him by his first name?"
"Maybe he's not my abuelo. You don't know if he is. It's none of your business."
Having already lost interest in that subject and being pretty sure she had never heard the word 'abuelo' before, Luan yelled, "All aboard the Polar Express!" while ringing a bell. "Even though that movie sucks."
One by one, each of the Special siblings got onto the rented Pokémon. "Let's get some Christmas music going," Luna suggested. "Everybody, which song you wanna hear?"
"None of the ones that have Lane's name in them," her twin answered with an angry look on her face.
"Who is this Lane person?!" Luna exclaimed.
When it got late into the evening, they were almost to the North Pole and Ronald was now on his break. Luan was doing as she had promised, but she wasn't even mad about it. She was in too good a mood from the fun day she had been having. They actually hadn't done much on the long trip, but she couldn't help but love it simply because it was a unique, Christmas-related experience.
She initially wanted her brother to watch more Christmas stuff during the trip, but she decided against it. "I'm glad I didn't make Prune Juice watch more Christmas episodes during this trip. I like how each person experiences media in their own way, and having to wait a year for nearly all Christmas ones in existence is a pretty unique one. But more importantly, why watch a bunch of stuff you're just gonna watch again next year anyway when you can focus on journeying to the North Pole with your sisters, which you're only gonna do once? That's WAY more sentimental."
"Don't you mean 'more Santa-mental?" Luna asked humorously.
Luan stopped what she was doing. She even dropped the fan and grapes she was using. She then faced her favorite sister. "Have I mentioned that I love you?"
"Hey!" Ronald yelled.
"I shouldn't stop?"
"Well, yeah, but I was referring to how you're still my slave for the next hour and 43 minutes. I say you're not allowed to love anyone except me until then. I also say you love me."
This command made Luan groan and then she went back to doing what Ronald wanted. Lana noticed that she never refused his demand to love him. Perhaps she... "You get that thought out of your mind immediately or I'm pushing you in the water!" screamed Luan.
"But why?" Lana asked, not understanding why her sister was so against her idea. "I think you two would make a cute couple."
"I don't care! I'm aroace! You know that but choose not to accept it for some reason. I accept that you're straight no problem, why can't you accept me for the way I am?"
"Because choosing to believe that you'll never find love ever in your entire life and liking it that way is both weird and not healthy."
"That is such a flat earther approach to viewing it. Spec you! And the accepting me thing I said applies to my taste in TV too. And me and Ronald hate each other. Why do you look at two people who hate each other and say 'Hey, they should be a couple,' instead of, you know, something that makes sense?!"
"Well if I have to be open to your views, you have to be open to mine too, so you shouldn't..."
Lisa didn't like the unexpected turn this day had suddenly taken one bit. "Guys, guys. Don't fight. Not right now of all times."
The two arguing sisters looked at each other and then both looked down in shame. "Sorry," they both said at once.
"Okay. Let's get some positive vibes back up in here," Luna decreed. "In the spirit of the holiday most universes have on the fourth Thursday of November, let's all say what we're thankful for."
"That's a wonderful idea, Luna," Lisa praised. "You start."
"Gladly. I am thankful for this lovely Fall we've been having."
"...I don't like where this is going," Luan commented.
Luna continued what she was saying with "Yeah, the other day, I was at the bus stop and this lovely Fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up." Most of the others were weirded out by her saying that, especially Ronald, who had forgotten Luna liked girls. "Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs." Luna ripped open a bag of Twizzlers as she went on about her...unique choice for thing to be thankful for. "I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there?"
"Are you aware that you're still talking?" Luan asked.
"Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?" Lisa asked, hoping the next one would be better.
"I've got one. I am thankful for all the family members that I have with me," said Lana. "Even more than I would be since the rest of my family can't be here with us."
"Much better," said Lisa.
"Even though it kinda goes without saying," Luan added.
"What does 'thankful' mean?" PJ asked.
"One way to put it is to say that what you're thankful for is what you're happy about," Lisa explained.
"Then I'm thankful about how I might be meeting one of my daddies."
Now Lisa took her turn. "This is a little similar to what Lana said, but what I'm thankful for is how my siblings and I all love each other. We easily could've been fighting all the time because that's what brothers and sisters tend to do, but we've all supported each other throughout this stressful year we've had. I'm also thankful that Prune Juice has come into our lives."
"I'd be thankful if you all shut up," Ronald whined.
"Me too," said Lucy. "I can only take so much of this crap."
"Guys, guys, guys, guys. I have the definitive one," said Luan. "I am thankful that we happen to be passing Good Burger right now." She pointed at the restaurant that had caught her eye. A majority of those she was with were stunned that there was an eating establishment in such a cold and otherwise uninhabited part of the world.
Lana was once again skeptical. "A restaurant in the middle of nowhere? And it's open on Christmas Eve? This can't be real."
"I know you're supposed to have KFP for dinner on Christmas Eve, but to be honest, I'd rather have Good Burger," Luan stated. "Lisa, do we have time to stop here?"
Lisa checked the time on her phone. "Why, yes. Indeed we do. Who here's hungry?"
"Luan needs food!" Luan exclaimed in unnecessary third person.
"I'm convinced this is some kind of trap or illusion, but okay, I guess," said Lana. "I can tell Zero's hungry too."
"I could go for more than just grapes. But the time spent in there does NOT count towards my two hours." stated Ronald.
"I don't care one way or the other." Lucy answered.
"Right now, a cheeseburger would put me in paradise." answered Luna.
"I wanna eat a booger!" exclaimed Prune Juice.
Luan started chuckling with her mouth half closed. "It's still not funny and yet I..." Then her laughter burst out.
"Lapras, stop," Lana politely ordered. They all got off and went over to the restaurant, where Lana noticed a poster in the window that got her much more excited about having dinner there. It said that the restaurant was holding a contest. One random burger would be wrapped in a different color paper. Whoever happened to get that burger would win the chance to meet Bobbie Fletcher.
"Bobbie Fletcher? Who's he?" Luan asked.
"She is my favorite racecar driver," answered Lana. "I can't believe you've never heard of her."
"I didn't even know you like racecar driving. That's never been brought up before."
"As I hope you know, I like repairing cars. So, one of my dream jobs is to be in a racecar driver's pit crew."
"So you wanna take something that you do for fun and turn it into something you HAVE to do and finish doing within a certain amount of time? Sounds like a stressful nightmare. Why would you ever wanna do that instead of just doing the fun thing when you want to so it can actually be, you know, fun?!"
"Alright now, we don't have much time to waste," Lisa stated to prevent another argument. "Let's go in and eat."
Inside, Good Burger was completely deserted except for one lone employee. "I'm a dude! He's a dude! She's a dude! 'Cause we're all dudes! Hey!" Ed sang while banging his hands on the counter to form the song's beat. He saw his customers come in, look around a bit, and then approach him. "Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?"
"We'd like six Good Burgers and one veggie burger, please." Lana replied.
"Okay. Six Good Burgers and one vegetarian option," Ed repeated into his microphone. "That'll be 8 bucks," he said while holding out a hand for payment.
"Umm, no!" Luan interjected.
"Alright, two fifty," Ed said, unaware that Luan wasn't talking to him.
"Why did you order a Good Burger for everyone?" Luan asked her sister. "You know I always get chicken at fast food restaurants. This MIGHT be a different story if we were talkin' Krabby Patties and MAYBE if we were at Joyful Burger. But Good Burger's not high tier enough for that, so I want my nuggies. Also, you gotta get fries and a drink. You can't NOT get fries and a drink."
Lana stared at her in irritation for a second and then said, "Look. I was just hoping you guys would help me out with that contest."
"Umm, if I win the contest, I'm not giving the prize to you. The person who wins is the one who gets to meet Bippity Fletchman or whatever."
"It's Bobbie Fletcher and you said you don't even know..."
"ENOUGH!" Ronald screamed in his Biff voice. "Just get us like 50 of everything and everybody can just eat whatever they feel like," he said to Ed with his actual voice.
"I really think that's too much for seven people."
"Not my problem," said Ronald. "I'm not payin' for it."
"Well neither am I!" Lisa said, knowing what Ronald had ordered was far too expensive.
Lana quickly realized that this meant she would have a much greater chance of winning the contest. She couldn't pass up this opportunity. "Uh, don't worry, guys. I got this." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a wad of various gross things. "Let's see. My single piece of gum...invisible banana peel...Noctowl's foot...Ah, here it is." Lana slipped a small piece of paper over to Ed.
"Oh. One of our unlimited free food coupons. Great," he said, genuinely meaning it. "What's the name on the order?"
"Make it for Ronald M. Santiago," Ronald requested.
"Okay, I will. Where is he?"
"...Right here. I want you to make the order for me."
"Oh! Well why didn't you just say so? Now, are you talking about a person named Me, or...?"
"JUST START MAKING OUR FOOD!"
As Ronald and the Specials made their way to the only table that was big enough for all of them, Luan had only one thing on her mind. "Your middle initial is M?" she asked. "I'll bet a million everythings it stands for 'McDonald.'"
"No, my middle name is not McDonald. You know why? Because my parents have hearts."
"Then is it Muriel?"
"It's Mark if you must know."
A few minutes later, the food was ready. Ed came out of the kitchen with a huge platter that had a very tall pile of food on it. "Order for president of nothing, Donald M. Santiago."
"My name is Ronald, not Donald."
"Oh, I'm sorry, dude. These are for Donald," Ed replied. "Donald?!" he called out.
Ronald took the platter by force and brought it over to the table. "Has the episode that scene's from even premiered yet?" Luan asked rhetorically once he was there. "If not, we technically just referenced a commercial for a show rather than a show itself and I love that."
"Shut up. Now let's feast!" he said, prompting most of the others to start chowing down. "Whatever leftovers he have, we'll just donate to the food bank or something."
"Can I keep some of the leftovers?" asked Lucy. "I like to watch food rot and then give it a funeral."
Luna took some Twizzlers out of the pack from earlier and put them on her cheeseburger, which Lana thought was a very bizarre thing to do. "You're putting licorice on your burger?" she said.
"Yeah. You should try it."
"I eat some grody things, but that is disgusting."
"Don't love it 'til you try it. It's delicious!"
Lana got up from the table, opened up a can of Pokémon food, and poured it into Zero's bowl. She then noticed her brother holding up his Pokémon. "Ummm...PJ, Scor is a toy. He doesn't need..." The look in Prune Juice's face made it clear to her she wouldn't be able to argue with him. "Fine," she said begrudgingly before pouring some food for the toy Fire type. "I'm gonna go feed Lapras too. Nobody let Luan take any of the burgers while I'm gone."
"I'm not gonna take any anyway. I'm a chicken eater."
As soon as Lana was done outside, she ran back into the restaurant and began unwrapping burgers without eating them. It was normal for Good Burgers to be wrapped in yellow, so the winning one would be in white. Lana kept trying and trying until there was eventually only one left. Taking a breath, she opened the final burger, seeing that she had lost once again. "Dang it. I guess I'm not gonna be on Bobbie Fletcher's pit crew," she whined despite being 16 years old.
"Ew! Someone wrapped my burger in this dirty old rag!" a grossed out Lisa said.
"Oh, sorry about that," Ed apologized. "They're both white, so I got 'em mixed up." He took the dirty old rag from Lisa and handed her what the burger was meant to be wrapped in.
"Huh. Apparently I won the contest."
"LISA! YOU FOUND IT! YOU FOUND IT!" Lana screamed with joy. "Can I have it?"
"Of course you can." Lisa handed it to Lana, officially making it hers. Without saying it, Lisa decided this counted as one of Lana's Christmas gifts.
"Finding this wrapper means the world to me! Thanks for all your help, guys."
"Insert poop joke here," Luan said, making Lana raise an eyebrow. "Now let's get outta here so we can freaking see Santa already!"
As Ronald stood up, he quickly thought back to the annoying day he had been having and said, "How do you people stand to all sleep in the same room together?"
They all started to leave. Prune Juice opened the door while being carried by Lisa. Moving too quick to notice it was there, she walked into a pile of snow that took up the whole doorway, slamming both their faces into it. "The front door turned into a snow closet," Prune Juice said bluntly after Lisa backed up.
"No, Prune Juice. The snow's blocking our way out, so now we're stuck in here," his sister who was holding him explained, concerned about it.
"I'm sorry, everyone," Lana apologized all of a sudden. "I see now that I shouldn't have cared about that stupid contest so much. If I hadn't, it wouldn't have led to Ronald ordering so much food, and then maybe we would've been out of here before the snow..."
"Whoa! Sis, calm down," Lisa said. "Us being snowed in hasn't been a problem long enough for anyone to get so emotional about it. Ed, can you please come here and try to help us?"
"Sure. What's up?"
Luan answered the friendly fast food restaurant employee by saying, "There is currently no method that we can use to exit this location due to the frozen precipitation that has blocked the only exit we are aware of. As a result of said precipitation, we have no options but to be forced to stay here at the eating establishment we currently reside in."
Confused, Ed responded with a simple "What?"
"Well, if only there were another way to describe our problem. Too bad there isn't." Luan was suddenly being stared at by her twin. "Why are you lookin' at me like that?"
"Say the line!" Luna said with excitement.
"No! I don't wanna throw all subtlety out the window."
"Everybody who knows the original episode well enough has already figured it out by now, so you might as well say it."
"No! It's not my kind of humor."
"Then why do you always love it whenever I make a pun? And it's a TV reference, which is your kind of humor."
"It's not a good TV reference."
"Come on, just say it!" With her arms crossed, it was clear Luan was still opposed. "C'mon. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon."
"...Fine. Ed, the problem we're having is there's...snow way out." Now having said it, Luan's opinion on having to say it hadn't gotten more positive in the slightest.
"Oh! Well why didn't you just say so?" Ed asked. The reason Luan didn't just say so was because saying it would make her mad, which it did. "This happens all the time here. All you gotta do is ask the snow to move."
The pile of snow suddenly grew a face and said "Oh, you need me to move? No problem." He then grew legs and moved, clearing the doorway.
Lana's jaw dropped. "...Okay, I'm starting to think that this is all a dream!"
"And what makes ya' say that? The living pile of snow?" Luan asked. "Objectively, it makes sense. Frosty the Snowman is technically a living pile of snow too. He just happens to be shaped like a person."
"But...but...Our world never had snow come to life before, so why are you not...?"
"Enough fighting!" Lisa yelled. "Let's go see Santa now! Ed, Pile of Snow, would either of you like to come with us?"
"No thanks," said the pile of snow.
"I don't know," Ed began. "Are you the guys who have been stealing toilet paper out of the bathroom?"
"No, we're not the Poopy Brothers," Luan answered. "In fact, we're not brothers at all. We're some sisters, one single brother, and Ronald may or not be someone's brother, I don't know if he is. But it doesn't matter if he is 'cause he's still not our brother."
"Then, sure. I'll come. Pile of Snow, will you guard the bathroom for me and make sure nobody steals the toilet paper?"
"Do you even have to ask? I'd LOVE to guard the bathroom!"
It was getting really late and they finally arrived at the North Pole. The first thing that caught everyone's attention was of course Santa's workshop. It was a ginormous wooden building that had been painted red with a perfect coating of snow on its roof. It was covered from top to bottom with Christmas decorations and there was even some red, white, and green fireworks sparkling. Through the windows, it was evident that the elves were hard at work while Christmas music blasted from the speakers inside.
Lana's reaction to being wrong was nothing more than "What do you know? Santa is real." The other girls were shocked. They thought for sure that their usually very skeptical sister wouldn't stop being in denial so easily.
They all hopped off of the Water & Ice type who was then returned to the Net Ball. As they approached the entrance to the workshop, Darcy came running outside with a bunch of Christmas cookies in her arms. "HOLY SWEET FLAMING MONKEY BUTTS! THIS PLACE IS ENDS OF THE EARTH AMAZING!" she screamed, unusually energetic. "THE STUFF THAT I SAW IN THERE IS GONNA MAKE YOU FLIP RIGHT OUT OF YOUR BODIES! I FEEL FOUR YEARS OLD! I MAY OR MAY NOT BE ON A SUGAR RUSH FROM ALL THE COOKIES I'VE EATEN."
"Umm...How many cookies have you eaten?" Lisa asked, concerned for her BFF.
"I DON'T KNOW! I STOPPED COUNTING AFTER 30! OR MAYBE IT WAS 64. THEY ALSO HAD HOT CHOCOLATE, BUT I KNOW HOW YOU GUYS FEEL ABOUT CHOCOLATE, SO I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OUT OF RESPECT. IT'S KINDA A WEIRD CONCEPT WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT ANYWAY. CHOCOLATE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HOT. IT'S LIKE COLD CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP. WHO WANTS THAT? NOBODY! I THINK I MAY NEED TO LIE DOWN FOR A MINUTE." In the blink of an eye, Darcy dropped her cookies and laid her side down on the freezing cold, icy ground.
"So, uhhh...Do you want us to leave you out here, or...?" Prune Juice asked.
"No, I want you to bring me in," Darcy answered, her sugar rush having died down all of a sudden. "I chose not to see Santa yet so I could save meeting him for the tour." She stood up, grabbing one of the cookies and taking a bite out of it. "Thank you so much for letting me come here early. I've had the best day of my whole life! So, who's the new guy?"
"I'm Ed. I know we're not at Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, but can I still take your order?"
"I've got a more important question," Luan butted in while they all headed into the workshop to get out of the cold. "Since we're both Washingtonians, which is better, Washington or the North Pole?" she asked Darcy.
"The North Pole makes Washington look like the DMV!" Darcy proclaimed.
They were only in the waiting room for a brief moment until the elf who would be their tour guide burst through the doors in front of them with a clipboard. She had long blonde hair, wore purple, and she was taller than Santa's elves typically are. "Hello, everyone. Welcome to the North Pole," she greeted. "My name is Carol Pingrey, I will be your tour guide."
Luan had seen someone who looked exactly like Carol but without pointy ears before and this confirmed her suspicion that there was a connection between the two. "Carol?!" she shouted.
"And yes. I am aware of the hilarious irony between my name and my job," Carol said, sick of people always pointing out that her name was Christmas-related. "I'm always asking my parents if I can change my name to Ashlyn, but they won't let me. But once I finish college, I'm quitting this job and following my dream of opening a Ford Dealership and playing Madden professionally on the side." Carol took a look at the workshop's visitors and saw them staring back at them in silence. "Umm...Sorry about that," she said, worried that she had upset them by making them listen to something they weren't interested in.
"Don't be. I liked it. Good luck with following that dream of yours," said Luan, making Carol feel better. "But that's not why I said your name. Guys, we just found another one of our universe's versions of a The Loud House character. The original Carol Pingrey is a HUMAN who first appeared in Picture Perfect, but I forgot about her, probably because all of that episode's awfulness was able to stay in my mind much more easily. Because I forgot about Carol, I thought her first appearance was the far superior Selfie Improvement. That one was one of the few times I thought the show had an emotional scene that was actually good for once. And that's despite the fact I was seeing the character for the first time, pretty much. I really gotta update my Selfie Improvement review at some point. I didn't give it as much praise as it deserves. The universe of that show's Carol HAD to be a human 'cause it's a universe with no Santa because The Loud House is no fun. I should really stop before this turns into a long, angry rant about how much I hate The Loud House that I'll have to apologize for. But I apologize for it anyway. The people who make the show can make it however they want because it doesn't have to please me. It just has to please somebody in order to be good, which it must be doing or it wouldn't be on its 4th season with a 5th on the way. But spec Lincoln Loud so so special much! He has caused me nothing but pain! And spec the guy named Chris who created him, ruining my life and causing me more pain than Walt Disney. Yeah, I said it! My brother, Prune Juice Middle Name Special, is better than the dog crap in human form that is Lincoln Loud in EVERY SINGLE WAY! Lincoln Loud is nothing but deplorable rubbish! END HIS SHOW NOW! IMMEDIATELY! I DEMAND IT! THIS IS NOT JUST ANTHONY VENTING TO LET OUT HIS ANGER WHEN HE SHOULD BE GOING TO BED BECAUSE HES WASTING HIS LIFE DOING THIS INSTEAD OF BEING ASLEEP AT 3:37 IN THE MORNING!"
Luan left Carol a little confused from being over talkative, but she felt she still understood the basic concept of what she was saying. "Well. Hearing somebody notice my name for a different reason is a nice change," Carol commented. "I never knew about this other Carol. I'll have to look her up sometime. So, any questions before we begin the tour?"
"I have one," Lisa answered while raising her hand. "Ronald and Ed here joined us late, so now we're a larger group than I said we were when I booked the tour. Is that going to be a problem?"
"I'm afraid so," Carol responded. "They are not allowed in unless they complete a certain task. If they want to see the workshop too, they must slay the deadly winter dragon!" Almost all of the visitors gasped. "I'm kidding! There is no winter dragon!" Carol exclaimed. "Santa only asks how many guests are coming out of curiosity. There's no rule saying you can't have more when you arrive, so they don't have to do anything. As the man himself always says, the more, the merrier."
"Yeah, if Luan Loud was here, she totally would've changed it to 'sleigh the deadly winter dragon,'" Luan said, despite not needing to. "I have a question too. How do you get your hair permanently swooshed to the left like that? I'm pretty sure that defies gravity," she asked Carol.
"Ha. I get that a lot. It takes like six cans of dry shampoo, as well as a matter of physics and time travel. But mostly belief. Speaking of belief, none of you will believe what you are about to see! None of you except the girl who already got to see it, that is." Carol swung open the double doors, revealing a huge room where other elves were running around, some doing their jobs and others slacking off. Presents, both wrapped ones and not wrapped ones, scooted by on conveyor belts at lightning quick speeds. "Throughout most of the year, most of us elves like to work at a slow, comfortable pace. But when it gets close to Christmas Eve, we have to start rushing a ton to get the presents done before the deadline when Santa leaves to deliver them. Because we DON'T wanna have a heart attack from the stress and die, a lot of us will come up with excuses for not working, sometimes choosing not to work even without coming up with one. We call this time of year Peek Season. And that's because every elf peeks at the schedule constantly, hoping that this is when they don't have present duty."
Prune Juice chuckled. "Luan, why is 'duty' funny again?" he asked while looking down at her from Lisa's arms.
"Because it's what Ross was in the Halloween episode." Luan smirked as she thought about the real reason for that word being funny. Her joke also played a part in her laughing on the inside.
"I'm guessing you were happy when you found out you were a tour guide today," Ronald said to the elf.
"I sure was. In fact, this is the first time I've ever gotten an easy job during Peek Season. It feels like an entire planet of freedom."
"That's a lot of freedom," Ed said. "Congrats, dude!"
"Thank you. Now, if you'll follow me to..."
Carol was accidentally cut off by another elf. It was one who hadn't been as lucky with the work schedule that day as she had been. "This is torture!" he screamed. "Why didn't we finish these presents when we had more time?!"
"Sucks to be you, Kyle!" Carol said teasingly.
"My name is Dave."
"Whatever floats your boat, Trey." The next part of the workshop that Carol showed off was the room where the naughty and nice lists were kept. Surprisingly, the room was empty except for a desk with a computer on it. "Keeping lists of nearly every person on Earth was far too difficult to manage. As soon as he could, Santa switched to storing the naughty and nice lists digitally. As you can see, the final naughty and nice lists to be physical, from long before any of us were born, still hangs on the wall to this day. Would anyone like to take a look at this year's list before we move on to the next room?"
"Me, me, me!" Luan exclaimed while holding up a hand. "May I please put a joke on the nice list? I promise I'll delete it right away. I just wanna be able to say I edited one of Santa's lists."
"I can't imagine Santa would mind if you did that. Go right ahead."
Now that she had Carol's permission, Luan typed 'People who play Super Smash Bros.' onto the nice list. "Because...Actually, maybe it's funnier if I don't explain it." After thinking it over for almost no time at all, she continued with, "Ah, spec it. It's fun to say. This belongs on the nice list because the Super Smash Bros. series is for good boys and girls!" She then deleted it like she said she would.
The next room to be seen was behind a door that Carol couldn't open until she recited something she hated having to say when she gave tours. "You know Dasher, and Dancer, and Prancer & Vixen, Comet & Cupid, and Donner & Blitzen. But do you recall...?"
"THE MOST FAMOUS STANTLER OF ALL?!" sang Luan.
Because she liked how Luan pointed out her name for a different reason than visitors usually did, Carol found it a massive letdown that this part of the tour went the same way it always did. Despite that, she was polite about it. "No. Santa only has eight Stantler. The story of Rudolph is just a work of fiction."
"So you're saying he's just Rankin/Bass's RPF OC?" Luan asked as a joke.
"I don't have a clue what that means, but okay," replied Carol. "Now, besides his Stantler, Santa has one more Pokémon that none of you humans seem to know about. Can anyone guess what Pokémon it is?" Carol saw Ed raise his hand. "Yes?" she said while pointing at him.
"What?" a confused Ed said back.
"You've got your hand up. Do you have a guess to what Pokémon it is?"
"Yeah, I do. Why else would I have my hand up? Is it Lucario?" Carol nodded from left to right at this guess.
"Give us a hint." Ronald demanded.
"Very well. It's from the Galar region."
There was only one Pokémon that came to PJ's mind when he heard Carol's hint. After gasping in a joyous way, he said "Is it Scorbunny?" He liked being able to show off that he knew something about a Pokémon he liked.
"Sorry, but that's not it either."
"Can we just go in?" Lana asked, her patience starting to dwindle.
"That probably for the best," Carol agreed. "The main point of this tour is to see Santa and there's not much time left until he leaves. Besides, I've never seen anyone guess the Pokémon before." Carol opened the door and walked into the room, followed by the others. Their eyes were met with a kind of Pokémon none of the guests had ever seen one of. He was nearly 10 feet tall and completely made out of the same substance as Frosty the Snowman's eyes.
"Who's that Pokémon?" Lucy asked.
"I don't even know," said Lana.
"Neither do we. None of us have been bothered to do the research," added Carol. "This unknown Pokémon is where we get the coal that Santa gives out to those who make the naughty list. Say hi, Justin."
"COOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLL!" Justin roared.
"We used to get the coal from a nearby mine, but it completely ran out of coal a couple of years ago."
"That sounds like an interesting thing that I would find enjoyable, maybe even enough to wanna do a school project on it," Luan stated. "Please continue."
"I wish I could, but I don't remember it too well, which is embarrassing 'cause I was involved. I think what happened was Santa needed to fly his sleigh to another mine to get the coal for that year, but there wasn't any Christmas spirit to power it since it was October. Something like that."
"Well, what about Justin?" Lana asked. "You said he was Santa Claus's Pokémon. How did the two of them meet?"
"That's something I don't know at all. I wasn't there, so you'd have to ask him." Misunderstanding Carol's suggestion, Lana walked up closer to the Coal Pokémon with Zero on her shoulder. "I actually meant you should ask Santa."
"To be honest, I'd rather hear the story from the Pokémon. You guys go on ahead. Me and Zero will catch up." Carol had never seen anyone choose to do this before, but she shrugged it off. After she and the others left to continue the tour, Lana and Zero looked up at Justin to start chatting with him. "Nice to meet you, Justin. So, how did you meet your trainer?""
"COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL!"
"Uh-huh. And then what happened?"
"COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!"
And so, the tour continued without Lana and her Pokémon partner. Throughout the night, most of the people in the group kept getting more and more tired because it was so late. PJ, the most tired of them all, was also the most determined to stay awake. He wasn't going to let anything stop him from meeting his biological father, if it was truly Santa Claus.
Carol seemed to show them everything in the entire building. She showed them the Stantler stable, the room where the wrapping paper was made, the mail room, and so much more. Even the break room and one of the bathrooms of all things were parts of the tour.
At close to midnight, there was one final room for them to see. "It's time for the moment you've been waiting for!" Carol exclaimed while standing in front of Santa Claus's office. "However, no one can go in until we have the whole group."
"Oh. So then it's NOT time for the moment we've been waiting for," Luan corrected. She was so excited to see Santa that not much time past until, while sitting on the floor, she said "Do we really have to wait for Lana? She didn't even believe in Santa until we got here. Or, more accurately, she didn't think he was real. There's kind of a difference between thinking he's real and believing in him. Ya' know?"
As if on cue, the Pokémon-loving Special and her Froakie were back. "Did I miss anything good?" she asked.
"Only the entire tour," Luan whined. "Did you really need to talk to Justin for that long?"
"He's surprisingly interesting the more you listen."
Justin stood behind Lana and nodded in agreement. "Coal Coal Coal Coal..." he sang to the tune of the Flintstones Vitamin jingle with his hand up.
"And growing!" Lana finished while raising her fist. "So, are we seeing the big jolly guy or what?"
Carol didn't have to say anything to answer. All she had to do was open the door to Santa's office. The guests ran in, with Carol following close behind, and came face to face with the holiday icon sitting at his desk.
Everything about his image was glorious. His belly was the most perfect round shape. His authentic beard was so much more pleasing to look at than the beard of any fake Santa. Simply glancing at him was enough to leave his visitors speechless.
To break the silence, Carol asked, "So, between Santa and that Lincoln guy I've heard about, who pulls off white hair better?"
Luan responded by saying, "Do you even have to ask?"
"I suppose not. Anyway, unlike y'all, I see Santa almost daily, so uhh...Santa, what should I do now? I'm completely blanking on how to continue with this."
"Go make sure the sleigh is ready," Santa Claus instructed. "Thanks for your help, Carol, but I'll take it from here."
"Right away, Santa." Carol then handed her boss the clipboard she was using and headed through a door that led to where the sleigh was kept.
Once there were no elves in the room, Lucy asked, "Why does she call you by your first name when you're her boss?" Simply hearing this question made Luan smile. It was impossible for her not to see the fact Carol was a Christmas elf as a cool concept.
"And how come close to Christmas is the hardest part of the year for her? That's when I usually get almost no customers," Ed added.
"Ed, the work year is not the same for everyone," Lana answered, baffled by how stupid he was.
"And as for why my elves call me Santa, it's because I prefer to be called that over Mr. Claus."
"Because Mr. Claus was your father?" asked Luan.
"That's not it," Santa responded. "I just don't like being called that." That answer was followed by silence. This was such a big moment that no one was sure what to say or do. "So, how did you like the tour?" he asked to try to get a conversation started.
Not even that gave anyone anything to say for quite a few seconds. "I'm kinda sick of the word 'tour' now," Ronald eventually said.
"I thought it was a very unique experience that could not possibly be the opposite of enjoyed," said Luan. "When I say that, I mean specifically for me. I am not at all trying to say that all people have to like the same thing. 'Cause I hate it when people..."
"Yeah, I know," Santa said while setting down the clipboard and standing up. "There's a few things I've wanted to say to you guys." This caught his visitors off guard. They had come to see him, so none of them could have anticipated that he would be the ones with things to say.
"We're not in trouble, are we?" Prune Juice asked because Scor suggested that idea to him.
"Not at all, my boy," assured Santa. He then walked up to the first person he wanted to speak with, the second oldest one there. "Lisa, you and your family have had quite a big year. Wouldn't you say?"
"Well, it wasn't the entire year. The chocolate thing didn't start 'til April."
"True. But still, at a time when you and your siblings have been without their parents, you've done a great job at filling that role for them and keeping a level head about it. You deserve to be congratulated for that. You're a terrific parent."
"Thank you, but...No. Please do not call me a parent. What I've been doing is not parenting. I'm their sister, not their mother."
"Right. Of course. Sorry about that. Regardless, being in charge of children and taking care of them is not something that just anyone can do. The fact you've been doing it so well at your young age and on your own is incredible."
"Thank you, Santa. And sorry for snapping at you."
"I didn't mind. We've all been through stress before." The next person he stepped over to was Lana. "And Lana, still think I'm your dad in a costume?" he asked facetiously.
"I...I'm sorry. You being real just seemed so implausible. And you REALLY seemed like my dad."
"Wait," Luan interrupted. "Did you think that even way back then?"
"Yes."
"But that's okay. 7 is a perfectly fine age to stop believing in me," Santa said. "But more importantly, Lana, I commend you for how much you care about your parents' jobs."
"Thank you, but...Do I deserve that praise when I've completely failed to find replacements for them?"
"It's not about whether or not you're a success. It's about how much you try. Your passion for Pokémon is phenomenal. No one deserves to be able to say they're a Gym Leader's kid than you."
"Froakie Froak."
"That's right, Zero," replied Santa. "It's TWO Gym Leaders. Even better."
"...Okay, but...How do you get around the whole world in one night?" asked Lana.
"...Physics. And. Time travel!"
"...Unbelievable!"
Now it was the next person's turn. "Lucy! I heard you're not sad anymore. How's that feel?" asked Santa Claus.
"It feels pretty good."
"Good to hear."
"Yeah, it only took 16 years, but my poetry has a lot more variety now."
"Wicked!" Santa exclaimed, making Lucy smile. Happy Halloween! Keeping the order of youngest to oldest Special going, Luan was next. "Luan, I love that you are still able to see the brighter side of every situation even during such a sad time for your family."
"You quoted the iCarly theme song," Luan said with tears of joy in her eyes. "It doesn't describe me, but I don't even care."
"Right, I know. What you do is you're able to find things to be happy about even when there's still sad things happening too. I want you to know that I have never seen someone be more of a precious little bundle of joy than you are. Even when you're sad or angry, part of the reason why you're so upset is because you prefer being happy. That song from Despicable Me 2 that was also in School of Rock should be your theme song, not Gru's."
Luan giggled. "Santa makes pop culture references."
With Luan done, Santa could now talk to her twin. "Luna, there's not much I can say to you because you missed so much of the year, but I will say this." Santa then did the typical rock & roll hand signal. "Rock on."
"You too, dude," Luna said while doing the same thing with her hand."
"And now...Prune Juice. Where do I even begin with you? Simply by existing, you have touched your sisters' lives in more ways than you could possibly imagine. And the way you came into this world is simply legendary. Earlier this year, you were given a gift much better than any present I could give you. You were given the gift of being able to speak and think for yourself more than any other 0-year-old could. Keep this gift. It'll make your life so much better. And no, you're not crazy. Scor CAN talk. And that is thanks to, you guessed it, belief. And don't ever let anyone tell you that you're just another version of Lincoln. You are so much more than that. You're barely a different version of him at all, in fact."
"...Well, I don't know about that," little PJ replied.
"And Darcy, Ronald, and Ed. Well, there...there you guys are." Santa said, which made his three remaining guests very confused that he had nothing to say to them? What made the others so...special? Once back at his desk, Santa sat down and lifted up the first piece of paper on the clipboard so he could see what was underneath it. "Shouldn't be much longer before it's time for me to get on my sleigh and head out. Anything to say before I go?"
Prune Juice crawled up closer. Very nervous and afraid of not getting what he was hoping for, he eventually was able to say what was on his mind. "Luan said you might be my daddy."
"Oh, did she?" Santa said with a smirk.
"Yeah. So, umm...Are you?"
Santa took a deep breath before giving his answer. "As Santa Claus, making good children unhappy always feels very wrong for me. So, I wish I didn't have to tell you this, but I am not your dad." Prune Juice was of course sad about this. Having not gotten to properly meet any of his parents, he was really looking forward to seeing one of them. But he wasn't the only one there who was looking forward to something. There was one final thing that Santa Claus wanted to say to the little baby boy. Santa had been wanting to say this since the day he first traveled back in time and began his new life. It had been thousands of years and now the three words that had been on his mind for so long could finally pass his lips. He looked down at Prune Juice with a smile and then said, "You're my dad." Most of the others were of course shocked by this, with PJ and Luan instead being happy. Prune Juice couldn't think of any reason to be anything but glad that he was still Santa's relative, even if it wasn't the kind he had thought. Luan was proving what Santa said about her being happy completely right because the look of joy on her face was simply indescribable. I wish you could see it. "So, I'll bet you have some questions." said Prune Juice's son.
"Oh, one or two," Luan said humorously.
"And I'll be happy to answer all of them," Santa said. "Right after I tinkle." He then made his way through a door with a sign that said 'Little St. Nick's Room' on it.
"OH MY SPECIAL GOD!" screamed Luan after Santa left the room they were in. "DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS?! I AM SANTA CLAUS'S AUNT! I AM AUNTA CLAUS!"
"This would mean you're not the only one who's his aunt. So you wouldn't be the only..." Lana said before being interrupted.
"BECAUSE I SAID IT FIRST!" Luan then laid down on her back and shook around like crazy. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! I AM RELATED TO SANTA CLAUS! WORDS CAN NOT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I VIEW THIS AS COMPLETE VICTORY! I AM ON TOP OF THE SPECIAL WORLD! IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE! WHEN I SAID THAT MR. CLAUS WAS HIS FATHER, I WAS COMPLETELY WRONG BECAUSE HIS FATHER WASN'T MR. CLAUS! HIS FATHER IS...MY BROTHER!"
"How could he be Santa's dad?" asked Ed. "Wouldn't he have to be at least 9 months old?"
"Santa's from the future. Obviously Prune Juice doesn't have him until he's an adult and then Santa goes back in time."
Luan went on with her squealing. "WE HAVE SO FREAKING BEAT THE LOUDS AT THE NIECE/NEPHEW FROM THE FUTURE GAME! SANTA CLAUS IS INFINITELY BETTER THAN SOME RANDOM TEENAGE GIRL NOBODY CARES ABOUT! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She then began to swing her legs around really fast, prompting Lisa to pick her up.
"Don't do that with your legs! It makes me think you're having a seizure," the concerned big sister said.
"If I were to have a seizure right now, I don't think I'd care."
Like I said before, I never finished writing this. After that part, Santa takes everyone home and then leaves (probably to start delivering presents). I show up at the Specials' house and tell them I've got a special Christmas gift for them.
One by one, I turn all of the other members of the family back to normal. Everybody's happy about it of course and then I go outside. Sid's dad is there and I tell him it would've been awesome if Prune Juice's first present ever was his mommy and daddy but the toy train ruined that. However, it's very hypocritical of me to judge someone for forcing their interests onto somebody else because I do that all the freaking time.
If you read this, thank you again and Happy Holidays. I know it's October, but Halloween is a holiday too.