Mac went to the pool the next morning. Dr. Johnson was waiting for him this time. "Good morning," she said.

"Morning," Mac said, with a frown.

"Feeling depressed this morning?"

"Yes. Disappointed in myself."

"Why?"

Mac sat down on a bench. "I think I'm crazy," he said. "I'm not even myself."

"It happens sometimes when people have been through a tragedy. And you're not crazy."

"Oh, you can say that because you don't know what I've been doing."

"Are you going to tell me?"

"I'm ashamed. I'm thinking about going away on vacation alone somewhere so I can sort all this out."

"Well, is there somewhere you've always wanted to go?"

Mac thought a moment. "Australia."

"Australia? That is certainly far away."

"Yeah. I can go there and nobody can find me."

"Are you going?"

"You think I should?"

"It might be a good idea, but what about your fear of water?"

"I'll go somewhere besides the ocean."

"Australia is surrounded by ocean."

"Well, I want to go to Sydney. I want to go to the opera there. I always have."

"And you're going alone?"

"Yes. I don't want anybody confusing me."

"How long are you staying?"

"At least a week."

"Well, lets sit here beside the pool."

Mac sat down beside the pool. He still felt afraid of the water. He was tired of it. He just shoved himself off into the pool. Dr. Johnson was shocked. Mac swam back up to the surface and looked at her. "I'm tired of being afraid," he said.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm scared to death, but I'm going to overcome this." Mac began swimming. The more he swam, the better he felt. He still felt that twinge of fear, but he thought he could hold it down for now. What would it be like in the ocean? Mac knew he couldn't handle that yet, but at least he was swimming in this pool.

When Mac's swim was done, he climbed out of the pool. He looked at the pool and then at Dr. Johnson. "I'm impressed," she said.

"I'm a little impressed myself," Mac said.

"Great. You're definitely making a lot of progress. Now, if you can solve that other problem, you'll be doing good."

"The other problem is the worst one. I realize now that I don't love Anita." Mac rubbed his face.

"You're only human."

"That's no excuse. I know better."

"You wanta talk about it?"

Mac shook his head. "I have to figure this out myself."

"Good luck. If you need me about the water anymore, call me."

"I will. Thank you. I got to unload a lot of stuff."

"That's what I'm here for."

"I want another session, in your office."

"Okay. Tomorrow morning?"

"Yes."

"I'll see you then."

Mac left the pool feeling a little more confident. He wanted to go and see Stella. He had not even been over there since she got home. Then again, it was only yesterday. It felt like it had been forever.

Mac went to Stella's apartment and knocked. Soon, he heard the door lock. Stella opened the door. She smiled. "Mac, I'm so glad you're here," she said, and hugged him.

Mac felt like a heel. "I thought I would come by," he said.

"Come in."

Mac went in and they sat down on the couch. "So, how are things this morning?" Stella asked.

Mac frowned. "I went to Doctor Johnson this morning," he said.

"How was it?"

"I swam this morning."

Stella smiled. "That's great, Mac." She held up her left arm, which was in a cast. "I won't be doing that for a while."

"At least it's your left. It's hard to write when your right arm is broken."

"Look on the bright side?" Stella looked at Mac a moment. "Mac, what is wrong? You look so sad."

Mac frown deepened. "I feel like I've lost myself," he said.

"Did you talk to the doctor about this?"

Mac shook his head. "It's too personal."

Stella started to touch his face, but Mac jumped. "Mac?"

Mac got up and walked over to the door. "I guess I better go," he said.

"Why? You just got here."

Stella thought Mac looked way too nervous. "Come here and sit down," she said.

Mac thought he wanted to just go on out the door and just keep walking. He went back to the couch. Stella realized his hands were shaky. "I think I'm crazy, Stella," he said.

"What?" Stella asked.

"I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Well, for one thing, you are tense. I don't think I've ever seen you like this."

"I know you haven't."

Stella looked into Mac's eyes. She didn't see that confidence she usually saw there. "Why are you feeling this way, Mac?" she asked.

"I almost did something stupid last night."

Stella scowled. "Well, I'm sure we've all done stupid things before. It's nothing to get like this over, especially since you didn't do it."

Mac stared at her a moment. "Well, I shouldn't have even considered it," he said.

"Are you going to tell me?"

Mac chuckled, dryly. "Are you kidding?"

"Does it have anything to do with that woman you've been seeing?"

"What woman?" Mac asked, trying to avoid the subject.

Stella stared at him a moment. "You slept with her?" she asked.

Mac looked surprised. "Why did you ask that?"

"Mac Taylor, stop beating around the bush."

The Bush. That's what the woods were called in Australia. "I came to tell you that I'm going to Australia next week," he said.

"Why?"

"Because I have to get away from everything."

"Even me?"

Mac looked at her. Stella thought she saw that tender look he had for her in those green eyes, but it was buried under turmoil. No, he did not want to get away from her. She could see that.

"How long are you staying?" she asked.

"At least a week," Mac answered.

Stella reached out to touch his face again. He flinched a little, but he didn't act like she was going to slap him. "Mac, don't lose yourself," she said. "I want to see that strong Mac Taylor I know."

"I don't think he's here anymore," Mac said.

Stella hugged Mac. She waited and finally, he put his arms around her. She could feel him trembling. "I don't want to lose you, Stella," he said.

Stella hugged him tighter. "You won't," she said.

Mac let himself relax in her embrace. It felt so natural to be in her arms. Stella felt Mac tense up again. They looked at each other. "You're the only woman for me, Stella," Mac said. "I know that for sure now."

Stella wanted that worried look in his eyes to go away. She moved closer to him to kiss him, but he turned his face. Stella turned him back to her and kissed him lightly. "Mac, don't run from me," Stella said. "I love you."

Mac looked into her eyes. He knew she meant it. Stella thought she saw a flicker of the old Mac Taylor in there, but it vanished. "I'm sorry, Stella," he said.

"Sorry for what?"

"For betraying you. I betrayed your love and trust."

"Mac, I will always love you."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."

Mac looked into her eyes. "I love you too, Stella."

"Don't beat yourself up."

"If I could kick myself, I would have a sore butt right now."

Stella almost laughed. She thought that sounded like Mac Taylor. "You want me to kick it for you?" she asked.

Mac looked at her. Stella watched him try to contain a smile. "It that a smile I see?" she asked, unwilling to let it pass.

Mac smiled in spite of himself. "I know why I love you now," he said.

"Why?" Stella folded her arms.

"Because you won't let me stay down. You've never given up on me."

"And I never will."

"I know."

"You still going to Australia?"

Mac nodded. "Yeah, but I might not go alone." He looked at her. "If the love of my life will have me and go with me."

Stella smiled. "You think New York can get along without us that long?"

Mac smiled. "If they can't, we'll rebuild it when we come back."

Stella laughed. She could see her Mac in there again, but then his smile faded. "There's something I have to do first," he said.

Stella kissed him again. "Just remember that I love you," she said.

Mac nodded. "I'll remember that I love you too," he said.

Mac stood up. He thought this had done him more good than his sessions with the psychiatrist. He felt like he could get past all this with Stella by his side. Why didn't he always know that?

"I'll see you later," Mac said.

"Why don't we go out for dinner?" Stella asked.

"I have been inside just about as long as I can stand."

"Sure. Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere."

"I'll call you."

Mac went out the door. He felt so relieved. He had to go and tell Anita to her face that it was over. He would not be a coward. He went to her apartment and knocked. She opened the door. "Mac," she said. "I'm on my way out, but there was something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Anita, I…" Mac took a deep breath and blew it out.

"I know, Mac."

Mac looked at her. "You know what?"

"It's over. We weren't meant to be together." Anita touched his face. "I will never forget you though. You're hot."

Mac wasn't expecting that. "Well, I'm glad you're not mad."

"Of course not." Anita kissed him on the cheek. "We went through a tough time together."

"I didn't mean to…"

Anita put her finger on his lips. "Lets just part happy." She closed her door. "I have to get to work." She smiled at Mac. "Don't feel bad. Just go on with…Stella?"

Mac couldn't believe she wasn't upset. Maybe she just used him too. "What do you want me to do?" she asked. "Cry? I'm glad we got to know each other. I don't want to cry, even though I know you love someone else. I'm going to be late. Good bye."

"Bye."

Mac watched her leave. He couldn't believe all this. Neither of them were mad at him? Mac remembered those nightmares he had before. Was he dreaming now? He pinched his arm. "Ow," he said. No, he must not be dreaming, although he was feeling a little dizzy right now. He wished he were still lying on his couch asleep and none of this had ever happened.

Mac sat straight up on the couch. He was drenched in sweat. His side was aching. He realized the doorbell was ringing. Had it all been a dream? He looked at himself. His clothes were wet with sweat. Had he actually dreamed all that? He looked at his watch. 7:00.

The doorbell rang again. Mac got off the couch and went to the door. Anita was there. "It's about time," she said.

Mac stared at her. Anita put her hands on her hips. "Are you okay?" she asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Mac swallowed. "I think I'm losing my mind," he said.

"Why?"

"I just had the craziest dream of my life."

"Well, I've had a few crazy ones in my lifetime. What was it about? Did you go flying without a plane?"

"No, but this dream was vivid."

"You gonna tell me about it?"

Mac shook his head. "No, but I want to talk."

They sat down on the couch. "My, you're so sweaty," Anita said. "Are you okay? You been working out?"

"No, but I know that we're not right for each other. I don't want to hurt you. I love Stella, and I can't string you along like this. You're a good friend."

"So, I guess our date's off?"

Mac nodded. "I want to stay friends."

"We will. You're a good man, Mac Taylor."

"Thanks." Mac rubbed his face. "This is the worst case of déjà vu I've ever had. I 'think' I ordered a pizza. We can eat and watch a movie."

Anita smiled. "Sounds good. I'm starved."

Just then, the doorbell rang. Mac went to the door and got the pizza. "Dinner is served," he said, as he set the pizza on the coffee table.

"What kind?" Anita asked.

"Supreme."

"MMM, I'm so hungry!"

Mac opened the box. He put a DVD in the player and they watched John Wayne while they ate the pizza. Mac knew what he had to do. Anita left after the move was over.

Mac grabbed his car keys and ran out the door. He rushed over to Stella's apartment. It was late, but he couldn't wait about this. He knocked on the door. He didn't hear anything, so he knocked again.

"Coming!" Stella called from inside.

"This better be im…" Stella was surprised to see Mac. "Mac?"

Mac could tell she had been in bed. "Stella, I need to talk to you," he said.

"Sure, come on in."

Mac went in. "I guess I look a fright," Stella said, as she tried to straighten her hair a little.

"No," Mac said. He took her hand in his. "You're beautiful."

Stella stared at him. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Not yet. I have to tell you something. I learned something tonight."

"It must be important."

"It is. I love you, Stella, with all my heart." Mac touched the bruise on her face. "I don't ever want anybody else. I just wanted you to know that."

"I love you too, Mac."

Mac hugged her to him. "I'll never leave your side again."

Stella was surprised by Mac's intensity, but she loved his gentle embrace around her. They looked at each other. Mac kissed her gently. "I couldn't wait till tomorrow," he said.

"I'm glad you didn't," Stella said.

"I have an early appointment. I'll go now." Mac kissed her again. "If you need anything, you call me."

"I will."

Stella closed the door after Mac left. She was still in shock just a little. She wondered what had brought that on. Whatever it was, she was glad. She smiled as she turned the light out and went back to bed.