TWENTY-SIX

Tuesday evening

Edward follows Leah and Ben up the path towards Bella's flat. He didn't know that Charlie was so well off. She hadn't spoken of him much at sixth form. He could see multi-coloured lights dancing in the expansive windows above, and shadows were already swaying inside.

He gulps.

He had tried to use any excuse in the book to get out of the invite to Bella's party, but Leah wasn't having any of them. She had practically forced herself into Edward's room to make him get dressed, forcing his mouth open and burning his throat with shots of tequila. Ben Cheney was one of his friends from football, and he was extremely grateful that they had run into him on the way. Ben was almost as quiet as Edward. It made him feel less silly about his overwhelming awkwardness.

When they get inside, music is thumping and fills the expansive space. Jacob is at the front of the sitting room, in front of a DJ setup. His fingers are spinning a record, and he is surrounded by most of his rugby mates. Edward notices a few familiar faces in the crowd of grinding bodies and Tanya waves at him from the sofa.

He tries not to role his eyes.

"Hey, guys. So glad you could make it." Bella suddenly appears from a side room and wraps her arms around Leah. She nods at Edward and Ben.

"Wouldn't miss this, Bella. Who doesn't like a mid-week piss up?" Leah chuckles.

Bella smiles.

"We're storing coats and alcohol in my bedroom."

Leah hands Edward her bag, filled with bottles of wine. She takes off her coat too.

"Eddie, be a dear."

He flips her off. Bella gestures at him.

"Come on, I'll show you the way."

Edward isn't at the party long before he is ready to leave. He knew this wasn't a good idea after Friday, seeing Jacob and Bella together. He had spent most of the night trying to avoid them, knocking back shots with Jane and Angela, and chatting to Aro.

It didn't work very well.

He couldn't stop thinking about Bella.

"I think I'm gonna go." Edward yells over the music; Leah looks disappointed.

"What? We only just got here."

"Yeah, I've got a lot to do tomorrow though."

"Fair enough. Your choice, mate. Let me know when you get home."

Edward gives her one last wave before pushing through the crowd towards Bella's bedroom. To his surprise, she is inside, touching up her makeup at the vanity.

"Come to get more alcohol?"

"No, I'm leaving."

"Are you saying I throw a shit party?"

"No, just not feeling it."

He sees her raise an eyebrow in the mirror. "It doesn't have anything to do with me and Jake, does it?"

Edward clears his throat. "When were you going to tell me?"

"I didn't think I needed to. We're just friends after all."

"You could have at least given me a head's up."

"I'm not your mother, Edward."

"You're right. You're not. But you are my friend. I thought you would have more respect for me…for what happened between us. Obviously, I was wrong."

Placing her compact back onto the vanity, Bella spins round. Her jaw is clenched.

"Don't even talk to me about respect, Edward Cullen. You wouldn't even know respect if it hit you in the face."

"I-"

"No; I talk, you listen. I have spent the last six months trying to heal from the damage that you caused. All the lying, keeping me as a secret. Fucking me on the side. That is traumatic to a person, Edward. And all so that you could continue being Mr Popular."

"Bel-"

"No, Edward. With all the pain and hurt you caused me, I finally decided that it was time to find someone who was happy to show me off. To walk down the street with me, to hold my hand. That is a real man. That is what I am worthy of."

In the passion of their conversation, Edward hadn't realised that they had gravitated towards one another. They were now face to face, bodies flush against one another. Heat brewed between them.

"Do you really think I wanted to behave like that, Bella? Like a wimp? To walk past you like you meant nothing to me? Not to wrap my arms around you and tell you everything was going to be okay? I was scared, Bella. You knew who I was friends with."

"You still put that before us."

"I didn't have a choice."

"Yes, you did." She shouts; this surprises Edward. "You always have a choice in life. Take some responsibility for yourself."

"Fine, Bella, I'm sorry. If I could go back and change the way I behaved, then I would. In a heartbeat. I deny it, my role in everything, because it takes some of the pain away. It's fucking selfish, I know, but I can't accept it within myself. How much I hurt you. Fuck, Bella. I loved you. I still fucking do."

The two of them are breathing heavily.

"What did you just say?"

"I love you, Bella. I love you so fucking much."

Mutually, their lips collide, and she laces her hands in his hair, almost securing him to her face. He has missed the way she feels against him, the way she perfectly moulds against his body. He pulls her bottom lip between his teeth and bites down.

She rips herself away from him.

"What's wrong?"

"We can't do this. We shouldn't. You're not getting off that easily."

"Bella, that's no-"

"Edward, no. You need to leave. I need to fucking think."

He could scream but he doesn't. Instead, he grabs his jacket from the bed, and storms out of the flat.

He wanted nothing more than to be the one holding her hand in the street. He wished he wasn't so weak. He wished that he wasn't himself.

OH SHIT THIS IS A BIG OLD CHAPTER WOW

Hope you're all having a wonderful day! It's snowing here in the UK; it's a beautiful view to look at while I'm writing!

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