A/N: Okay I seriously can't believe how many of you guys leave comments and kudos all the time. I know it's been a bit but I haven't forgotten y'all! My life has been all kinds of crazy. All ups and course, a global pandemic means that EVERYONE has this issue now haha I wish fanfiction paid but alas it does not. I wasn't fully satisfied with this chapter but I decided I had held on to it too long. I hope you enjoy :)
Beware: More medical babble ahead ^-^;
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I write this solely for the entertainment value it brings.
Arcturus Black III was the product of a specific legacy. He had been named after two previous Arcturus Blacks. His was an ancient and noble family. Of some influence, though that had waned greatly in the past two decades. Still of a great deal of wealth, in part due to the fact so many of his family members were dead before their time or otherwise removed from the family.
It was clear that those choices had not been perhaps the wisest. Walburga has been a poor choice for Orion, after all, despite all her blood had to recommend for her. He could see now how his family's desire for purity had only proven to breed madness into their line.
The two had both had taken the pure blood ideals the family held too far...supporting Voldemort and all his nonsense. Arcturus wasn't completely against all those ideals but a radical he was not, and he did not agree with the Death Eater's actions and general way of going about things.
Yes, choosing to arrange a marriage between Walburga and Orion had been a mistake that cost them all greatly. Pushing one grandson to a mysterious disappearance and the other into Azkaban. Orion's death had ruined what was left of Walburga's mind and health.
With Sirius in Azkaban until his inevitable death at the hands of the dementors, Arcturus had resigned himself to being the last true Black. Once he died it would all go to Sirius, who being unable to do anything while incarcerated, would eventually die childless, and then what was left of the tattered Black name and dynasty would be lost to the Malfoy boy. An unappealing prospect given his father was Lucius Malfoy. An egotistical and short sighted wretch.
Arcturus knew he was dying. He had perhaps a year left in him. He had outlived both his siblings, his son, his daughter-in-law, and his younger grandson. His sister Lycoris had died single and childless. She had never been particularly pretty or clever. Regulus the same. They had both shared a secret shame as well. Foolish. To be attracted to one's own sex, and worse, to let that dictate their life choices.
He would be survived only by his daughter and his elder grandson.
His useless daughter who had never amounted to much of anything and had borne no heirs. His grandson who was doomed to remain a prisoner of Azkaban. It was a bitter draught indeed.
Until it came to his attention that Sirius was in fact likely innocent.
His contacts at the ministry still kept him informed. Useful that. Even when he no longer was as active a politician as he once was. But some gold here, a hint or two there, and he had known before the general public that his grandson was to be put on trial and that Pettigrew had been found.
He knew the boy had no love for him. He was not overly fond of him either, preferring to be distant with his family. He had allowed Orion and Walburga perhaps too much reign with their children. Had allowed them to dictate the fate of the family while he was busy playing the fields of power.
Well, now the fate of the family was in his hands again. Not for very much longer. He doubted the Blacks would remain pure of blood, not with his rebel grandson at the helm, but then, who was truly pure these days anyway? And what had purity brought them?, he thought with disgust. Madness?. Willingness to follow a lunatic?
He was a proud man. He did not at all like the idea of the last of his proud bloodline being tainted with mud blood filth. However it had already happened. They had several blood traitors on the tree now. One of them had produced a child with talents not seen in the line for generations.
He would not admit, even to himself, that purity of blood was perhaps not the best ideal to live by. He was however an old man, a tired man, and he just slightly didn't give a fuck anymore. Except for the name. The name would live on, but only if he took action now.
It was plenty likely that Sirius would settle down with a pure blood witch, after all. There were bound to be plenty interested in the Black heir. He would just, well arrange things, and let them play out. He wouldn't even have to do much with the boy. He knew well enough trying to impress upon Sirius what he wanted would only make the rebel do the exact opposite. If he could bite his tongue and act like it did not truly matter, Sirius might come around to the right choice.
Mm. And Sirius was wrapped up with the Boy-Who-Lived as well. One of Potter's ancestors had been a Black. He knew his grandson was the true guardian of the child, wherever that meddling fool Dumbledore had hid the boy. It would be better for the child to be raised amongst his own people. It would bring stability to Sirius as well.
He would have to warn his foolish grandson to tread carefully. He was too much of a Gryffindor sadly.
If only the wretch would answer his letters. So be it. His grandson was willful but Arcturus had one last game of manipulation in him yet. He had arranged for this possibility as well.
He called his favorite elf to his side and ordered his cane and his cloak. He had things to do.
How can one describe the shattering of your world? Of the foundation of all your knowledge and experience cracking because of the unseen things beneath?
Sirius had several moments in his life that could be described as shattering. He knew a little something about his life crumbling beneath him. He was a rebel. It was how he had dealt with it in the past.
He was too tired for this shit.
His mind was clearer than it had been in years. The potions had seen to that. But he wasn't anywhere near whole and hale. Arguments could be made that his mind never had been.
How did the muggles put it? Mind blown? He was certainly that.
She had so much to tell them. She even admitted she was probably missing some of it. "It's hard to remember everything I should tell you. They were very detailed stories. I just know I'm missing something, it is just hard to remember what. I also think that, being stories, they still missed out on a lot of things. Certainly they never mentioned dimensional travel and yet here I am…"
He didn't doubt her though. He knew Remus was still wary. Maybe Sirius should be more wary too. He certainly had plenty of reasons to be a suspicious sod. Growing up as a Black would give anyone a complex.
However there was just something about her. She was certainly pretty, and he had never been blind to that in anyone, but he didn't think it was just that. There was something about the way her eyes went distant, the way her brow furrowed in concentration. He didn't think she was lying. She seemed very sincere and also very frustrated with her own limitations.
She had at last told them of the prophecy. Which Sirius had known a little more detail about than Remus. The wording was very concerning. Poor little Harry. His heart was breaking for Lily and James all over again. What they must have felt, for their own son to be marked by so heavy a fate…
Harry. He really had to get well again. He knew the wizarding world couldn't challenge him much on guardianship, and he doubted the muggles would put up resistance, but he also knew he wasn't in quite the right shape to look after his godson.
If his godson would even welcome him. He knew that bitch Petunia would not have treated Harry all that kindly. But she was still family. Harry did not know him. Probably wouldn't remember him. Sirius only had memories of the little tyke himself. What was the kid like now? Merlin, so much time he had lost. They both had lost.
Also...horcruxes. Not the least of the things they had to worry about. And Harry. Dear Merlin Harry ...He was nauseous with the very thought of something so foul being tangled up with his godson.
The absolute last thing he wanted was someone digging around in his head and seeing how broken he really was. He didn't need judgement or pity. He was even a little afraid of how bad it might be.
While he was many things, one thing Sirius Black was not was a coward and he did have a very good motivating reason for willingly putting himself through this torture...
Healer Ames' professional demeanor was shaken. He had managed to hide things from her of course. She had mostly avoided digging into his memories anyway. However even the most tame of his earliest memories...they were not pleasant by any stretch of the imagination.
He eyed her out of the corner of his eye. She was pale but quickly locking down a professional mien.
She had entered his mind for diagnostic purposes, but he could never trust easily ever again. He had kept the newest memories under tight lock and key. Even with her under a healer's oath….you never knew what information could be dragged from someone against their will.
"Well," she began, sitting up straight across from him in Remus' living room, "You're certainly suffering from depression. You've also got some of the strongest barriers I've ever seen."
A flash of pride mixed with pain went through him. He was proud of his skill, but it wasn't gained easily or without a great deal of suffering. If there was one thing he was grateful to his sadistic parents for, it would be making him and Reg practice Occlumency.
Though "practice" was perhaps too mild a term for what they'd done.
"Hm. I think with a mind like yours...magical intervention can only do so much." She looked slightly frustrated, her lips thin. "Despite the strong barriers, you've still got a lot of damage. Like building the strongest fortress on quicksand, your depression and guilt are eating away at the foundations."
Here she gave a grim smile, "Frankly I'm amazed. You're a strong willed man Mr. Black."
"More like stubborn." Remus muttered.
"Well what's the prognosis then?" Sirius asked, leaning forward in the armchair.
"Good." Healer Ames said, "You might always be a little more prone to depression in the future, but I know recovery from this point is possible."
Sirius began to grin, but she held up a hand, "I did not say it would be easy, or simple. You're going to have to do some, well deep soul-searching, for lack of a better term."
Sirius felt the grin slide off his face.
"Muggle therapy techniques I think would be best, given your invulnerability to any magical intervention I might try. I'm simply not strong enough Legilimens and you would most likely fight it." She explained further, "This change is going to have to come from within yourself."
"Muggle therapy?" Sirius asked skeptically. "How would that even be possible?" He had to try. The idea was odd, but he had to get to see Harry and how could he do that if his mind wasn't right? This was treatable. It was overcomable. He could do it. He had to.
Remus hid a smile. Sirius was stubborn, determined, and unshakable when he wanted to be. Even when it was a negative thing.
"There's one healer I know of who also practices therapy. I could refer you to her."
"Not you?" Remus asked in surprise.
Healer Ames shook her head, "I could do it, that is true. I am a mind healer as well but she is better than I am. More...intuitive, you could say. At the end of the day the decision is really up to you."
Sirius shook his head, "I don't like the idea of letting anyone else in on...everything."
"Well, then, we'll start in a day or two. You need to recover physically some more before we start in on your mental state. In my professional opinion you are currently stable enough that you aren't a present danger to yourself or anyone else."
Sirius nodded and Remus thanked her again. Healer Ames excused herself then, having other things she needed to attend to.
Sirius groaned and threw an arm over his eyes while slumping back on the couch.
"What other mind-shattering strangeness must I deal with today?" He asked the ceiling. Remus rubbed his eyes tiredly. "There's plenty to do of course. We should answer Dumbledore's letter for one."
Sirius lifted his arm just enough to look at Remus. "What did the old man have to say?"
Remus shrugged. "He wants to speak with us. You, me, and Alex. He kept it vague of course, but I think he must believe her more since everything she's done for us thus far has checked out."
"Hm." Sirius said noncommittally. "I've got to contact a lawyer. Preferably not that sycophantic moron my family hired. I'm not ready for Harry...not yet. But it's going to take some doing to get him I bet."
He groaned again and rolled over," I'd rather just kidnap him honestly. But I have a feeling doing this the legal way is probably best…"
"You, being responsible?." Remus said with such skepticism that Sirius charmed a pillow to dive bomb his head.
"Oi!"
I walked in at that moment to the scene of Remus trying to pull his wand out while simultaneously trying to avoid the pummeling of a vicious pillow between chuckles while Sirius hurled insults at him. I paused in the doorway, as yet unnoticed, and pondered the sight in front of me.
I thought Sirius' incarceration likely had not allowed him time to gain some social maturity, but was Remus sinking down to his level now or had he always been a bit childish?
Or were wizards just weird? That would certainly explain Fred and George's successful shop.
Maybe it was just Remus helping Sirius let off some emotional tension. It didn't matter really I suppose. Remus was smiling. It lit up his whole face and made him look a little younger. Sirius wasn't quite smiling but there was something hovering around the corners of his lips and tugging them upwards. Ugh. They were both unfairly handsome, albeit in vastly different ways.
I wish I could do this magically as well, but oh well. I leaned down and scooped a forgotten pillow off of the floor and threw it in Sirius' direction.
He startled when it smacked him in the chest. It broke his concentration enough that Remus managed to finally wrestle the pillow attacking him into submission with his wand.
The sheepish look Remus gave me (and frankly the adorable way his ears were turning red) combined with Sirius' look of complete non-repentance made me break my composure and laugh.
"I came in to discuss this," I waved the letter Dumbledore had sent me, "But instead I find you two goofing off."
Remus looked even more chagrined at my scolding but Sirius laughed. "Don't let his "innocent" face fool you Alex. He's just as devious as me. More so even. He's a better liar."
Remus gave his friend a deeply unimpressed look at this point and I lifted a hand to cover my smile.
"I sort of know that, actually. Don't know what I was thinking about getting myself mixed up in all this." I waved my hand at them.
"You just gestured to all of us." Remus said, sounding slightly offended. Sirius flopped backwards dramatically, miming a blow to the heart.
"Mm." I agreed. "Okay, enough with the theatrics." I sighed, and held up the letter again. "To business."
Remus nodded and a shadow passed over his face. Sirius too sat up and looked more alert, though weary. I could feel my own face settling into weariness. There was just so much to do and most of it was not pleasant. They had deserved their moment of levity, but we had to face the music now.
"So, horcruxes." Remus said. The very word left a bitter taste in my mouth. It was an unpleasant word to say, let alone a concept to contemplate seriously.
"Horcruxes." Sirius breathed. "Such evil. I know we shouldn't be surprised but…"
He dragged a hand down his face, trailing off.
"The good thing is, he is very very weak right now." I reminded them. "We can destroy them."
"Not easily." Remus said. "Little enough is known, I'm sure, on the subject. I didn't even know such a thing existed."
"I did . Unfortunately." Sirius scowled at the reminder. I wanted to reach out and soothe him. He had probably needed that moment of merriment earlier, and here I was ruining it with reminders of things we couldn't currently do anything about.
"We need Dumbledore." Sirius said, a bitter twist to his lips.
"Yeah, I figured." I said, crossing my arms over my chest, unable to meet anyone's eyes.
"That he would plan to...to do that to Harry ." Sirius spat out, shaking with anger.
"He hasn't technically made that plan here, yet." I pointed out. I had a strong sense of fair play. I didn't like accusing people of things they hadn't actually done.
Sirius scoffed and shot me an annoyed look.
"We have to consider all eventualities." Remus said, shakily. He clenched his hands and looked towards the fireplace.
"Absolutely not!" Sirius snarled. I jumped as the fire flared violently in time with his temper.
"There might be another way other than...well than..there might be something else." I said helplessly.
"We might be able to find something. As hard as it is, there isn't really a pressing reason to rush. We have time." I pleaded.
Sirius made an incoherent noise of anger and frustration. Remus shot me a look and I closed my mouth. I probably wasn't helping.
Poor Sirius didn't need this stress. But I had to tell them. They would never trust me at all if I withheld the important details.
"The longer that piece of shit clings to him...who knows, it may be too late already." Sirius slipped from anger right into despair, and this time Remus slid next to his friend and slid an arm around his shoulders. Sirius buried his face in Remus' chest.
I felt horribly uncomfortable seeing such grief, and worse, being part of the reason for it. I slid to my knees before the both of them, and took Sirius' limp and slightly cold hand. My throat was thick with emotion but I swallowed and determinedly met Sirius' eyes.
My lips thinned, "We don't know that. I promise you, I'll help you get Harry and keep him safe. I'll do everything in my power to stop him from having to die." His eyes were impossible to look away from and his fingers tightened briefly around mine. I felt a sudden swell of...something, some nameless feeling or emotion, and my breath caught in my chest.
At the same moment a feeling like an electric shock jolted through our enjoined hands, and white sparks encircled our hands in a glowing band of sparkling light. I broke Sirius' gaze to stare at our hands and Remus gasped next to us, pulling away.
I tried to release his hand, but Sirius just tightened his fingers about mine and his eyes warned me not to move. I froze and watched in breathless anxiety as the band faded almost as quickly as it came into being. I was finally able to pull my hand away from his, my fingers tingling.
"Wh-what was that?!" I choked, clutching my one hand with the other. Remus looked dumbstruck next to us as Sirius brought his own hand up for inspection before his face. He wiggled his fingers.
"You made a magical promise." He replied, after a moment, his face still damp with tears, but his demeanor much more calm.
"What?" I repeated, my mind whirling, "I can't even get the fucking levitation spell right!"
Remus was recovering from his shock more quickly than me, "I told you, it's not all about the mechanics, magic is also about-"
"Intent." Sirius finished for him, eyes locking back on me. I flushed, my face growing very hot.
"You really meant that." Remus added.
"But what does that mean?" I asked in frustration. To my horror Sirius just shrugged, "It wasn't an unbreakable vow. But it was a promise backed with magic."
"Jesus Christ. Fuck me." I swore, letting myself sag.
"It probably just means you intend to do just what you said." Remus replied, but the look he and Sirius shared said something different. I was too afraid to ask.
I hung my head in my hands, which were still shaking, "I have to get this under control. I can't keep...keep doing stupid shit I don't understand...that means things I don't…" Now it was my turn to cry.
This had all been so overwhelming. Humans weren't meant to experience such a range of conflicting emotions.
I pressed my hands harder against my face, as if to stop the flood, but I just couldn't get a handle on it. I heard someone get up and leave the room. Part of me felt so lonely. Even here with two other people. I wanted a friend so badly. I needed my own shoulder to cry on.
A hand landed on my head, tangling in my hair, and startled me enough to drop my hands and open my eyes.
Sirius was looking at me with something unnameable in his eyes. His hand trailed from the top of my head to the side of my face, a thumb chasing away one of my tears. My breath hitched as I was caught again by his magnetism. His fingers had left a burning trail across my skin, my face unbearably hot.
"Thank you." He said, his eyes softened at the corners. I froze in shock and hesitation.
Before I could decide how to respond to his gratitude, he dropped his hand as Remus came back into the room and knelt next to me with a mug of hot chocolate.
I giggled somewhat hysterically but obediently took a sip. A feeling of warmth suffused my chest and I let the sugar and homeyness of the chocolate coat my tongue. I hiccuped as Remus rubbed my shoulder soothingly.
"Th-thanks." I stuttered out, now feeling more embarrassed than upset. He wordlessly handed me a tissue and I suppressed another giggle as I wiped my face and blew my nose.
"Is chocolate your answer to any emotional upset?" I asked, noticing the other mug he had placed in Sirius' hands. Remus blinked and his ears turned red as he got to his feet and cleared his throat.
"Maybe." he muttered, "But it does tend to work, in my defense."
I hummed in agreement, and masked my embarrassment by hiding my face behind the mug.
Remus cleared his throat again, "Ah well, then I think moving forward we have to work as a team."
I nodded in agreement. "We-we have to talk to Dumbledore together."
Sirius looked sour at this, but he didn't disagree.
I looked shyly back up at him, but he was busy staring into the flames of the fireplace, looking angry again.
"But we can make our own moves independently." I asserted.
"I think that would be best." Remus agreed, pacing a bit.
Dumbledore felt a bit of relief at seeing the familiar owl scratching at the window in his office.
He rose and let the animal in. In all his long life he hadn't thought much would surprise or shock him anymore. However this Miss Hughes was quite a puzzle.
It was still quite possible she was bamboozling them in some way, but he was more inclined to trust her. She truly did believe what she said, and so far the investigation into her claims had borne nothing but truth.
The Chamber of Secrets! To think after all this time...the location solved a few puzzles he had never quite had all the pieces to. Poor Myrtle, to have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Dear Hagrid as well, though he had never doubted the man's innocence for a moment.
Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black. What a horribly tangled mess. He knew now there wasn't a hope of keeping Harry with his other relatives. They were not the best sort of people, and Sirius was in fact the guardian Lily and James had chosen in the event of their death. He purses his lips. The blood protections the boy had there though...he was loath to let Sirius take them from him, but he knew to stand in Sirius' way anymore in this matter would alienate the man more, and quite possibly Harry as well. Which was the last thing he wanted or needed.
He was not completely cold-hearted. Part of him is happy to know young Harry would be under the care of someone who would love him. Love...well it was a far greater power than most gave credit for. Perhaps things would turn out alright in the end. There were other things besides adversity and uncertainty that bred heroes.
He turned the letter in his hands over and opened it. Fawkes fluttered over to his desk to lean against his arm. He scratched his old companion on the head.
The letter was simple and to the point. Remus was answering on behalf of all of them. Interesting.
Well if they were going to gather their side together, there was no reason he couldn't bring his allies along. There was no doubt in his mind that Miss Hughes had successfully recruited Sirius and Remus to her side. He could hardly blame her. It was quite clever. Her motivations were interesting. He really did believe she was trying to help them as well as herself.
What could have been? For it was clear now she had some insight into their future. Could have been though, because it was just as clear that she had now irrevocably changed things.
He felt frustrated too. There was simply much he did not know. He knew she was judging him on actions that might have been, and he was not so foolish as to underestimate the lengths he'd be willing to go to attain the goals he believed necessary for the good of the world. No...he flattered himself that he knew who and what he was quite well.
He already had a pretty good idea of what he might have done. Albus Dumbledore played the long game and he had a great deal of patience. Hard won, that was true.
Well. There were multiple players on the board now. Time to call in some old reinforcements and reaffirm the vows of others. Not opposing sides exactly, but perhaps...
A knock, not quite arrogant, but firm sounded. Dumbledore's eyes cut across to the door and he slid the letter out of sight for now.
"Ah Severus my dear boy, come on in."
Other notes: The Black family was very fond of re-using names. The Regulus and Lycoris whom Arcturus thinks about are Sirius's great Uncle and great Aunt. Who did indeed both die childless and unwed. The movie Black Family Tree depicts them as kinda ugly and with ambiguous gender traits. Not that gender and sexuality have much to do with one another, but I took a little liberty there.