It was like Bess' mind stopped. She couldn't think of anything, not even Sirius' words. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before she began to stammer, "I- I- wh- wh- sorry... what?"
She furrowed her brow even more and stared at him with wide eyes. She couldn't fathom that the only reason she'd been attacked or shoved was due to Sirius, and not because she was being targeted for escaping death by the Death Eaters at Christmas.
"I'm in love with you. I- I love you." He said, his face contorted with worry and apprehension.
Like a switch, she came back to her senses, and she didn't know what to do first - squeal, jump up and down and spin around, admonish him for declaring his love in front of their friends or when she was covered in... snot... and tears...
Oh god! she thought, no no no no no!
Seeing the look on her face, Sirius stood, his jaw clenched. He looked around for a moment.
"Oh no you don't!" Lily said, as she shoved Sirius back down next to Bess, "keep talking. Tell her how you feel and why, and when you realised. Go on!"
Sirius took a moment before the fight came back in to his eyes and he nodded as he grabbed Bess' hands in his and began to speak, "I'm sorry. I can't- I couldn't help it. I realised I was falling for you at that party. I think that's why I took the Scott thing so badly. And then, Merlin. When you fell down that hill I could barely control myself," he said with a sigh, "James had to run to get to you. I- I couldn't...
"And then in the hospital? With the rat? I told myself I would never let you feel panic like that alone again.
"And then I just kept falling," Sirius took a deep breath and stopped for a moment, "and then Regulus was just the push I needed to know for sure. I know- I know you don't feel as strongly about me, but I just can't help it. I tried to keep it from you, I even asked if we could... court... just so I could be close to you, and even then I could barely keep away from you. And when you- today, when you said that I had you... I thought... I thought maybe."
Bess frowned. "Wait, but you walked in here glaring. You wouldn't even look at me."
She was still incredibly embarrassed that he was professing his love for her while she was such a mess, and was trying to covertly wipe away her tears and snot, and was slyly nibbling her lips and pinching her cheeks to try and get some colour in to them.
"I know. You're right. I was sulking. But you have no idea what it's like seeing the woman you're in love with run away from you like that when you try to kiss her.
"And then when I tried to get you to meet me so I could explain and apologise for it, and you said you wouldn't see me unless everyone was here?
"I- I was sulking because if I looked at you I thought you'd..." he trailed off and took a deep breath, "but then you told us your secret and I understand now why you wanted to tell us all at the same time. And maybe... maybe you were just afraid of our reactions, just like I'm afraid?
"Because I'm so afraid, Bess. I've never felt like this before. And I just keep thinking why would you... why would you love me too?"
No one said anything, and Sirius fell silent. Bess couldn't say that the room was quiet, because she could barely hear over the thumping of her heart and the rush of blood in her ears. He was trying to kiss her earlier and she'd run away... that was why he'd pulled his hand away? So he could cup her face or something?
"Bess, love, please say something?" Sirius asked, in a pleading tone.
"I'm in my pyjamas..." Bess whispered finally.
Sirius leant in, eyes darting over her face. "What?"
"Sirius Black!" She cried, finally coming back to her senses. "I am in my bloody pyjamas! I have snot and tears on my sleeves and my face! I have no make up on and my hair looks like a bird's nest. This isn't-
"You're- and I'm-" she said, gesturing between them. "For god's sake! Not- not- I-" Bess stopped and put her hand to her forehead as she began to laugh, she was so overwhelmed with emotion.
Sirius pulled his hands back to his lap and glared at the ground. "Please don't laugh at me."
"I'm not. I'm laughing at the ridiculousness of-"
"I knew it. I knew you wouldn't- argh! I fucking told you, James!" Sirius cried as he stood up, put his fists to his forehead and let out a loud frustrated cry as he stalked across the room, his face crumbling.
"Pads..." James said, looking up at his friend with an apologetic look.
"Padfoot, hear her out," Remus added.
"Bess!" Lily cried, staring at Bess in disbelief and shock. "What are you doing?!"
"I told Dumbledore I loved you last night," Bess shouted as she stood up.
"What?" Sirius asked as he turned around and stared at her.
"We were talking and Dumbledore said I really needed to tell you all about my past, and that if I didn't I would be lying to you all, or I had to just break off our friendships. I mean, there was more to it, and there are still things I can't share, but that's the gist. And I said I was terrified of what you'd say because... well, because I love you," Bess said breathing heavily and staring at the black haired man in front of her.
Sirius' face changed in an instant as the goofy smile she'd come to love took over his features. Striding across the room, he cupped her face in his hands and stared down at her.
She could tell he was about to kiss her, his lips moving in quickly, before they were stopped as Bess lifted her hand and covered his mouth before she said, "No offense, but I'm already going to have to tell people that the first time we told each other how we felt, I looked like a snot covered troll, and that all our friends were staring at us. Can we at least make our first kiss a little bit special?"
"I can do that," Sirius mumbled against her hand, nodding enthusiastically.
"Yes! I bloody knew it! Love conquers all!" James cried, standing up and punching the air before starting to clap.
The smile dropped from Bess' face and was replaced with a mock-glare as she turned to look at James, dropping her hand from Sirius' face.
"Are you going to be here the first time we have sex as well?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
Sirius spluttered and coughed out a laugh, and James just grinned. Bess could hear Remus trying not to laugh from his bed. Peter, who had been silent the entire time, looked like he was hoping the floor would swallow him whole, while Lily had the same look as James did - just pure joy for her friends.
"No, I promise that from now on, I will try and keep my interruptions to a minimum. It would be easier if Lily would take up some of my free time though..." he said, turning to look at the redhead who was now biting her lip and glaring at the ceiling.
"If you're genuinely trying to use Bess and Sirius to get me to say yes to going out with you..."
Bess tried not to laugh as she watched Lily and James begin to argue.
"Love?" Sirius asked, grabbing her attention again, his hands moving to her waist to pull her closer to him, "did you mean what you said?"
"Yes," Bess replied quietly, putting her hands on his chest, "but, we need to talk more. I mean... I don't want to, but we should. Sirius, I want this. More than you could ever know. But what you just told me about Snape? It's..."
"I know. Which is why I told you now. I can't lose you. I just can't."
"It's... just a bit hard. On the one hand I'm practically bursting with happiness, but on the other I'm apprehensive-"
"Love, it will never happen again. Nothing like that will ever happen again. I promise. It- Snape brings out another side in me. He's... he's..."
"I know. I know you wouldn't. But he's also a human being. I'm not saying don't defend yourself, I'm just- ugh- I'm sorry. I know you know all of this already and that you wouldn't do this again... And he did attack me... and he's probably a Death Eater already... I don't... I'm so confused. And... and I need you to know that there are reasons why you might not be safe if we're together as well."
"Love, I just told you I almost killed another student through sheer idiocy. I'm not expecting you to just get over it immediately. And we'll talk about everything, we will. Your things and mine. I just... I just... right now, I just need to know you feel the same way I do."
"I do."
"Good. Then we can do this. We can be together, and we'll work everything else out as we go along?"
Bess opened and closed her mouth, but no words came out. She was scared of taking this step. She could see a future where she lost Sirius, where he found out what she was hiding from him and he felt betrayed enough to leave her... a future where she couldn't save him from what was coming... a future where she was sent back to her own world... and yet, she didn't know how she could ever bear to be apart from him now. Her thoughts whirled in her head, but finally, she stopped thinking, and just nodded.
Sirius grinned and leant in, placing a kiss to her cheek, before moving to the other cheek, then her forehead, nose, chin, neck and jaw, peppering her face with kisses as his hands moved to the back of her neck and her lower back. He avoided her lips expertly, respecting her wishes to keep their first 'proper' kiss between just the two of them.
Bess revelled in the feeling of him and closed her eyes, a serene smile on her face as she relaxed and, for the first time in days, stopped thinking due to calm, rather than panic.
"Really happy for you guys, but I'm also really tired, so can we..." Remus called out.
Bess looked over to see him lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, circling his hand in a 'let's wrap this up' motion and trying not to look anywhere in particular.
Bess laughed and turned back to Sirius. "I'll see you in the morning?"
He rubbed his nose against hers and whispered, "Don't go. Stay here tonight? We can talk?"
Bess smiled. She was used to spending the night in friends' rooms at university, spending the time talking or watching films, and for a moment she was tempted, until she remembered that this wasn't university, Sirius and her were no longer just friends, and students would talk.
She shook her head and said, "I can't. Not tonight."
He ducked his head and kissed her cheek before whispering, "Worth a shot."
"It's eleven thirty-two..." Remus called from his bed.
Bess laughed again and rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright," she said as she leant up to kiss Sirius on the tip of his nose. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Sirius nodded, and she could feel his eyes on her as she said bye to all of the boys and headed out the door with Lily.
Just before the door closed she heard a yell of triumph from Sirius, before James broke out in the start of what sounded like an awful rendition of a love song, which was punctuated by a loud groan that Bess assumed came from Remus, and rhythmic clapping, which she assumed was Peter.
Lily and Bess looked at each other for a moment before Bess whispered, "your one's the one singing..."
The girls managed to control their laughter until they got to the bottom of the stairs.
When they finally stopped laughing, Lily stepped forwards and drew Bess in to a tight hug. "Are you okay, Bess?"
"I'm..." Bess said quietly, drawing in a deep breath and squeezing Lily tighter.
"You're going to say you're not sure, but you will be fine, aren't you?"
"Yeah... it was just all... a lot, you know? I know you're all okay with it, but it's taken me months to feel like I could even start to explain what... what's been going on in my mind," Bess replied, still feeling sick about the fact that she still hadn't told them the whole truth.
"I can't begin to imagine, Bess," Lily said, pulling back and putting her hands on Bess' shoulders, "but we're all here for you. I thought I was going mad when I started getting my magic. It took a... friend... explaining it to me and helping me to get me to realise I was... gifted. And you've been doing all of this on your own for months. You must have been so lonely."
"How? I just... how? You're just so..." Bess shook her head, "you're so on the money. Even... I knew that Sirius was a Gryffindor, and I asked to be put in this House, and I was so terrified of everyone finding out and thinking it was only because of him that I asked to... Christ. Okay, I have to tell you. I- I did choose Gryffindor because of the books I read, but I did also choose it for... this is going to sound so stupid, but for... protection."
"Bess. Honestly? I get it. Even if you had only chosen it because Sirius was in here, it would have made sense. I don't think any of us really thought about the fact that we're the only people you know well, Professor Serpen and his partner aside," Lily said, tilting her head to the side and frowning.
"I feel like I've... conned Sirius in to this... whatever this is," Bess whispered as she hung her head.
Lily shook her head. "You haven't. He's... headstrong. He won't let you get away. He chose you."
"I don't know if he did..." Bess said, frowning.
"Bess... Do you remember when you first met Sirius?" Lily asked. She waited for Bess to nod before continuing, "James told me he only pushed Remus in to you in the street that day because Sirius couldn't keep his eyes off you from the minute you walked through from the Leaky Cauldron. James said Sirius called out to you but you didn't hear or something and were just about to walk past, so James did the first thing he could think of and shoved Remus at you."
"But they were laughing..."
"Yeah, they're all idiots. Honestly, I think they just wanted to act cool," Lily said with a small laugh. "Doesn't surprise me really."
"How do you know about this though?"
Lily bit her lip. "James... explained it to me on Friday while we were setting up for Sirius' party. I asked if Sirius was just... messing around. I didn't want you to get hurt again."
"Why?"
"Because... because honestly? I don't think these past few months would have been so enjoyable had you not been here. You're already... you're my best friend, Bess... if that's... if that's okay?"
Bess grinned, "honestly? I feel the same way. I've not known how to say anything..." she laughed and said, "this is... weird? Right?"
Lily laughed and nodded before moving back, and punching Bess lightly on the shoulder. "Love you, Bess."
Bess grinned brightly. "Love you, Lils."
"You sure you're okay?"
"Like I said-"
"I will be," they said in unison.
By the time they girls returned to their dorm, it was past midnight.
Bess slipped in to her bed and drew the curtains around her. Just before she fell asleep, she heard a fluttering and rolled her eyes, drawing back the curtain an inch.
The parchment bird sat on her hand and she tapped it with her wand. She grinned as she read the note, and fell asleep with it grasped in her hand.
I love you.
xXx
The next morning, Lily, who had a prefect meeting before breakfast, had woken Bess just before she left.
Bess had rolled over and gone back to sleep, waking up slightly later than usual.
She was still so tired, it was only the note in her hand that spurred her on to get ready - she wanted to see Sirius.
The previous night, she'd woken from a nightmare about Horcruxes, re-read his note, and then spent the rest of the night dreaming about him.
Although she knew they still had a lot to chat about, and as much as she knew she was keeping things from him, when she woke up, she couldn't think about anything other than her want- no, need- to be in his arms again.
She made it down to the common room in record time. The boys were normally late for breakfast, so she thought she might meet him there, but when Remus trudged downstairs, he said Sirius and James had already left, so Bess settled for walking to the Great Hall with Remus. He'd apparently been too ill to attend the prefect's meeting, and Lily was taking notes for him.
They were walking down the sixth floor corridor when Remus broke their morning silence, saying, "Sorry I'm not..."
"Six foot two, black hair, grey eyes, cocky demeanor...?" Bess said with a grin.
"Exactly."
She shook her head and pursed her lips. "That's alright. Any other day I think I'd enjoy your company more than his first thing in the morning, but today... do you think he's-"
Remus' voice cut over hers. "Look, I know you're excited, but could you at least slow down? I'm really tired," he said with a groan.
Bess stopped and waited for him to catch up. "Christ, sorry, I didn't think. Bad night?"
"Bit rough, yeah. I should've stayed in the hospital wing but James made me come back."
Her eyes widened. "What? Why?"
Remus didn't answer verbally, and instead just gestured towards Bess.
She gasped and sent him an apologetic look. "I'm so sorry, I didn't even think!"
"It's fine. Really. Sirius really wanted to see you, and James said he couldn't wait. So he arranged for me to get out a little early," he said, ending with a shrug.
"James can be really... intense... can't he?"
"I think he'll even out soon. He thinks getting Sirius and you together is a fun distraction for the romantic in him. Probably what happens when you're head over heels for a girl who hates your guts."
"She doesn't," Bess said quickly.
"They had an argument last night!" Remus said with a laugh.
Bess shrugged and pursed her lips as she readjusted her bag strap. "Maybe he just has to change tacts?"
Remus smiled. "What would you suggest?"
"They get along fine when they're just talking and hanging out, don't they?"
"Yeah..."
"So maybe he just has to stop asking her out for a bit, keep up the friendship stuff and then..."
"And then?"
"Ugh. I don't want to betray Lily's trust so I'll just reiterate that she doesn't hate him and leave it at that."
Remus nodded, and they walked in silence for a little bit before Bess asked, "But honestly, where is Sirius?"
Remus grinned and shook his head. "If you wanted a quiet life, you'd have stayed away from him... he's not the most... introverted person..."
"Oh Christ. What's he planning? Remus... What is he planning?" Bess asked with wide eyes.
"I can't say," Remus said, before clicking his tongue.
"What can you say? And remember, you're limping..." Bess said, before motioning towards his leg.
"You know... you and Sirius are very alike..." Remus said with a quick laugh. They both knew she wouldn't do anything to him.
But still, Bess didn't answer and just raised her eyebrow.
Remus sighed. "Okay, I can't tell you anything, I'm sworn to secrecy, but... you did issue a challenge..."
"What? No I didn't!" Bess cried.
"'You're Sirius Black. You declare-'" Remus said, putting on a fake girl's voice and gesturing wildly before Bess cut him off.
"Oh shit. No! Oh my god. What is it Remus? What's he going to do?" Bess asked, stepping in front of Remus and staring at him with a worried expression on her face.
"I really can't say..." Remus said, walking around her and moving down the hallway slowly.
Bess' groaned before following him, and spent the rest of the walk looking over her shoulder and peeking around every corner.
When they reached the Entrance Hall she stopped before the doors to the Great Hall and grimaced. "Can you just go in and get me a croissant or something?"
"Oh come on! It won't be that bad!" Remus laughed.
"It might be!"
"Alright?" Came Sirius' voice behind Bess.
She screamed slightly and jumped in the air. As she turned to glare at Sirius, Remus laughed and walked on, leaving them alone in the near deserted Entrance Hall.
"What's wrong, love?" Sirius asked quietly, moving closer to her.
"What's... Remus told me..."
"Told you what...?" He asked, cocking his head to the side, a half smile on his face. She realised he was playing with her.
"That I issued a challenge..." she said, looking around nervously.
"Don't know what you're talking about, love..." he said, raising an eyebrow, a smirk still on his face.
"I hate you," she said quietly, before turning and beginning to walk towards the gigantic wooden doors.
She heard Sirius bark out a laugh a second before she felt his hand snake around her waist, and felt herself being spun around.
Before she could focus on his hands which had made their way to her lower back and up to cup her jaw, and even before she could register her chest slamming in to his, she saw him lean down and felt him capture her lips with his.
She'd waited so long for this moment, and it felt incredible. It was just as spontaneous as she'd dreamed, and just as passionate.
Before she knew what she was doing, she'd buried one of her hands in his hair, and was fisting the fabric of his shirt and jumper at his chest in her other, pulling him even closer as she returned his kiss eagerly.
After what felt like a millennia, Sirius pulled away, panting slightly, and rested his forehead against hers. "Merlin... skip Defence with me?" He asked, before kissing her again.
When he pulled away, Bess replied in a whisper, "I can't. I actually need that class..."
Sirius frowned, and kissed her again impatiently.
When he pulled away he said, "Fine. Second period? You've got a free then, right?"
Bess nodded.
"Good. I'm officially commandeering you," he whispered, before capturing Bess' lips in yet another deep, toe-curlingly good kiss.
"Are you free this evening?" She asked as he finally pulled back again.
Sirius sighed deeply and shook his head. "Detention. Whole week's worth I think."
"How? Why?"
Sirius just grinned and nodded towards the Great Hall. Bess groaned and turned to peer into the hall. "There's nothing there..." she whispered, frowning.
Sirius swept his hair out of his eyes before turning her around so her back was to his chest, and wrapping his arms around her waist, pushing her forwards.
As they passed the entrance, fireworks burst from every corner of the room, and exploded from behind the Professors' table.
Bess groaned and turned to kiss Sirius on the chin, shielding herself from seeing the reactions of the students and staff.
"Sorry love, couldn't resist."
Bess sighed and shook her head. "I really do hate you."
xXx
A/N: yay Bess! Yay Sirius! Finally!
Thank you so much to everyone who's been following and favouriting, and to everyone who's reviewed: Guest, Ghost Claw 001, HorseGirl16, EmmieSauce, idreamtosmilealways, CharlotteGryffindor, and Angelicsailor.