"Finally a night alone!" Cosima slams the door shut and begins divesting herself of her late fall layers. "I think it's going to snow soon, but Charlotte is having a slumber party with Maya. And I have you to myself until noon tomorrow."
"I am all yours. Mostly." Delphine answers, she sits at the table grading papers. She cannot help but be distracted. This baby is very distracting.
"Baby moving again?" Cosima asks when she notes the look on Delphine's face.
"Yes. It's cute. Fluttery little kicks." Delphine smiles, dropping one hand down to her belly.
"I'm happy you're enjoying it. Maybe less fun when those tiny legs and arms get bigger and stronger." Cosima winces, presumably at the thought.
"That reminds me, there's something I want to talk to you about."
"What is it? I want to wait a bit longer to talk names. Because bilingual naming is hard…"
Delphine takes a deep breath, steeling herself against the anticipated reaction. "I want you to induce lactation."
"What?!" Cosima drops her laptop bag to the floor and curses. She looks up at her in shock and Delphine realizes she was in for just as painful a conversation as she'd anticipated.
"I want you to try to induce lactation so you can feed the baby." Delphine repeats calmly. Surely this idea wasn't that outlandish. And the more she read, the more she believed it was possible.
Cosima tilts her head with a wincing expression. "I thought that was going to be your job."
"It will be. You don't need to establish a full milk supply. Just enough that you can."
"Why?" Cosima's hands begin moving wildly and Delphine settles in for what will no doubt be a series of conversations.
"Because I want you to nurse our child." Delphine tells her bluntly. "I want your milk to feed our baby. I want it to be as equal as possible between us. I want to watch you do it."
"Not just wanting a break from a tiny mouth sucking on you all day? Because that's valid."
"That could also be useful and I could probably sleep more if you took a night feed. And breastfeeding is preferred for the development of the baby's facial muscles and hard palate." She really has to stop researching it now, hopefully the theory will be enough to compensate for never really seeing much breastfeeding in practice.
"I could do that with a bottle… of your milk. Just occasionally. We can buy a pump." Cosima looks at her helplessly and quickly throws out alternatives.
"It's not the same." Delphine hands her a tablet showing an article. "The Newman-Goldfarb Protocol for induction of lactation. Just read it… It can work. Dr. Newman is in Toronto, we could probably contact him if you want. Get an appointment. Work towards it now."
"I'd have to take the pill?!" Cosima balks for a moment. "And domperidone… and then wait months of just that trying to achieve the same breast changes you're going through? Then stop the pill and pumping frequently trying to make milk?"
"Yes." Delphine nods. "But you could nurse our baby ."
Cosima throws back. "And get bitten! I mean, once the kid has teeth."
"I want something of you in our child. If it cannot be your DNA, let it be this!" Delphine begs.
"It's going to turn my breasts into some kind of science experiment." Cosima shakes her head. "I don't want to. I won't be able to smoke pot! Like… what… why? Why would I want to do this?"
"Can you, just read and think about it? Before you say no? Even just three to six months, Cosima. You don't have to nurse as long as I do."
"I'll think about it." Cosima sighs reluctantly sitting down next to Delphine.
"You need to start soon Cosima. If you want to be successful in establishing a milk supply."
"I don't want mom boobs!" Cosima whines.
"Are my breasts mom boobs now?" Delphine pokes her wife's thigh with her big toe.
"Yes." Cosima responds. "But on you, that's fine. It's even kind of hot, for the moment anyway."
"You cannot seem to get enough of them. They're so sensitive. They're bigger..." Delphine tries to tempt her. "I love it when you touch them now. It feels so good."
"I know that." Cosima places the tablet down. "And I enjoy yours, absolutely. But I've never even been on hormonal birth control… I don't know what it would do to me."
"Side effects vary. And if it makes you sick or feel terrible emotionally? You stop. Immediately. And I will never ask you again." Delphine assures. "But it would just be for a few months. And you'd have no period… that you might enjoy."
"I will think about it." Cosima repeats with a sigh. "Now… what are your evening plans?"
"Dinner with my wife. Maybe, spend some time together." Delphine states simply, closing her laptop and standing up.
Cosima looks her over, before taking off her glasses and putting them onto the table, and pulling her in.
Delphine giggles as Cosima is hauling her in for the third time this week. She hadn't anticipated this reaction from her wife.
"Kiss me." Cosima is begging, gripping hard at her body and Delphine cannot help but oblige her.
"Upstairs?" Delphine invites, but Cosima's shaking her head and leading her to the couch kissing her deeply.
It's easy to forget their conversation as she strips Cosima down on the couch only briefly parting to yank down the blinds to not give any passing neighbours an eyeful.
She's on top of Cosima in minutes, slipping down her lover's body. She sucks at Cosima's breasts, kneading the soft flesh with her hands before kissing down.
"You sure you want to do that?" Cosima tilts her head irresistibly and Delphine finds herself smiling instantly.
"Oui." Delphine responds in a huff, the nausea had abated weeks ago. And she missed this. Missed Cosima's taste, missed the grip of strong thighs around her head, missed everything.
"Oh fuck yes…" Cosima is moaning beneath her in minutes, rolling up her hips. "More!"
She is too content to meet Cosima's demands, sucking softly at Cosima as she plays with her with her tongue. Elated to be doing this. To be making love with Cosima. To feel close to her.
Cosima comes easily, and yanks her up to kiss, tongue pushing deep into her mouth. Delphine opens her mouth, returning the kiss just as enthusiastically.
"Je t'aime." Delphine stops to nuzzle Cosima briefly when they break apart to catch their breath.
"I love you too…" Cosima giggles. "Do you want to order UberEats and just make love til the food gets here?"
"That sounds wonderful." Delphine moves over top of her, quickly removing her clothes. Her pants now sport a large flexible band versus a closure.
"You're so sexy." Cosima is laughing even as Delphine begins to rub against her.
"So show me." Delphine invites. "Fais comme tu veux avec moi."
"Oh fuck, Delphine... '' Cosima's groaning as her hands caressing sensitive breasts. Cosima's hand moving to work insistently between her wife's legs. She knows she's wet, knows that their toys feel smaller now, knows somewhere in her mind that this increased lubrication and sensitivity is all a part of the increased blood volume of pregnancy. But it doesn't change how it makes her feel. Or change Cosima's amourous reactions to her.
"Fist me. Get your hand inside." Delphine urges her wife. "I can take it. I want to take it."
"I know you can. I'm just a little nervous about taking up that much space inside you right now." Cosima points at the rounded belly. "You're over 19 weeks now. And I'd need to run upstairs to get the lube. We haven't needed it in a while."
"Please." Delphine begs, rocking her hips. And Cosima is off like a shot running up the stairs to get the lubricant. When Cosima returns she's lounging back against the cushions, waiting for her as she touches herself.
Cosima grins at her laughing. "Impatient much?"
"Yes… now get yourself inside me." Delphine urges her wife again. Cosima is pressing in three fingers near instantly, enjoying how easy it is. How quickly they are both aroused. And surely, surely this means that Cosima is enjoying the pregnancy. That Cosima will bond with the baby, both now and after birth.
Getting Cosima's hand into her is easier than ever. Delphine finds herself smiling while Cosima is rotating in. She knows it'll be intense, near overwhelming but it just gives her so much.
"I want you in…." Delphine croons to her wife, and she begins to tear up a little when she notices the same frantic fluttering within her. She laughs a little.
"The baby is moving again." Delphine tells her stunned wife, who sits, stilled with her hand inside her.
"I can feel it." Cosima responds awed, and then she begins to cry. "I can feel it."
"Oh… oh mon amour." Delphine reaches for her, but can do nothing but wait for the moment to pass.
Delphine sighs, furrowing her brow. Having to come to this appointment with a full bladder was bad enough. Being delayed an extra 59 minutes because the patient before her was unexpectedly having twins was an irritation she doesn't need.
"Try to pee, just a little?" Cosima suggests. At this appointment at her behest, Cosima didn't seem excited enough, but perhaps her crankiness was contagious.
Finally, finally they let her in, only to be told her bladder is too full and she needs to pee. Just a little.
At last, they're watching the little screen as tiny legs, feet, hands, arms, and fingers are presented to them by a cheerful and apologetic tech one at a time.
"And this is baby's profile. We'll get some pictures for the mommies." The technician chirps happily.
"Un beau bébé." Delphine comments aloud, pleased at watching her fetus squirm around on the screen.
"Everything looks pretty good." The technician continues measuring the child. "Your OB or midwife will get the results in a couple days. And now for the big reveal. I assume you want to know the sex."
"I think so." Delphine nods. It might help the pregnancy feel more tangible to Cosima. Might get them moving on finding a name for their unborn child.
"So?" Cosima probes the tech. "What are we having?"
"Your baby isn't cooperating." The ultrasound tech tells them apologetically. "Roll onto your side, we need to get this one to open his or her legs."
Delphine does, but the baby seems intent on keeping his or her legs closed.
"Hang on. Try getting up and moving a bit mommy. See if we can change baby's mind on this one." The technician, steps out of the room for a moment.
"So… you want to keep trying to observe the baby's genitals or do you want to give up and keep it a surprise?" Cosima asks her.
"I want to know… I want the baby to be a girl." Delphine admits. "I really regret that it's not biologically yours. I really really wanted that."
"Why does that mean you don't want a boy?" Cosima asks, shaking her head, looking incredulous.
"Because if we'd tried, we'd have tried to make a bone marrow baby. One that would be truly biologically ours, it'd be a girl." Delphine explains very quietly.
"Harvesting bone marrow is excruciating."
"Yes, that is why I didn't fight harder. I decided what other lesbian couples do would have to work for us too."
"I mean, I am cool with a delivery surprise. I know you said you wanted to wait until the kid is born to find out." Cosima winces. "I mean, if it were legal in Canada, I would have said we should have done IVF and sex select… but it's not, and I doubt you want to go to the US to have it done there."
"Cosima… I am already pregnant." Delphine reminds her, "it's done. Whatever chromosomes the child will have, it's decided. No one can change it."
"I know...I know. It's already done." Cosima tries to reach out, to repair the damage. "I mean, it's 50-50."
"Yes… well slightly more boys are born than girls. But nearly.
The technician returns, and they both fall silent.
"We can retry now. If not, your OB or midwife can book a follow up ultrasound for another week."
"Try." Delphine asks, and she does. The fetus cooperates better and finally they get a full on view.
"I am not seeing anything that looks like a penis." Cosima comments calmly to the technician.
"Me neither." The technician laughs. "Officially I cannot tell you, it'll be on your results for your OB or midwife. But… it looks like you're having a girl."
Delphine smiles. Pleased. "Good. I like the idea of having a daughter."
"I'm glad." The technician comments. "Because as often as I get happy parents, I occasionally get grumpy or clearly disappointed ones. Plenty of time to get used to the idea after this appointment though. Plan for your little girl."
"We are not buying all pink." Cosima tells her firmly.
"No. Not all pink. Just some." Delphine laughs.
"No we are not over-gendering this baby. Like, we can just dress baby like a baby. No putting the kid in a box." Cosima states firmly. "It doesn't necessarily tell us anything about the baby."
"No… not necessarily." Delphine concedes. "But I like the idea of being a house of girls."
"It'll be fun." Cosima nods. "Charlotte will get a kick out of it."
"Probably." Delphine laughs. "How many photos do we get?"
"Three." The technician hands over the three tiny photos of their scan. And for a moment it's perfect. She pulls Cosima in to kiss, uncaring that they are being watched. Surely, surely this is more than enough for both of them.