"Beauty is not who you are on the outside, it is the wisdom and time you gave away to save another struggling soul like you." - Shannon L. Alder

~Chapter Eleven~

Forgiveness

Rosalie stood by the very end of the dock, motionless.

Coincidentally, blocking the only way that led back to the house and the only escape Bella had unless she wanted to throw herself into the lake to do so although she doubted she'd even be able to float considering she never learned how to swim.

Bella's heart sank as she looked at the beautiful woman that utterly terrified her.

Rosalie stood there with her hands at her sides just as they had been the first time Bella saw her. Her entire physique made her look like a greek goddess frozen in time even as a ray of sunlight danced against her neck and face before fading away behind the clouds. Crystal-like lights bouncing off her porcelain skin before disappearing completely.

Unmoving, serene, and otherworldly. That's what Rosalie was.

Her amber eyes looked at Bella with an assessing glance before asking, "May I join you?"

Silence.

Rosalie spoke again rather quickly yet not coldly this time, "You can say no. I won't mind nor will I be mad, I'd just like to talk for a bit."

A cool breeze that melded with the heat of the sun blew past Bella, her long brown hair flowing in front of her face and the breeze seemed to reach Rosalie, making her amber eyes shine for a moment before she blinked once and it was gone.

Rosalie wanted to join her? Why on earth would this woman want to be near her? Bella thought cautiously before looking back down at her cast.

Where was Jasper? She thought as she glanced nervously over her shoulder once more, hoping to see the empath there, keeping an eye on her.

Hopefully, he was on his way back soon before Rosalie decided to lash out at her for being weak-willed like yesterday. She'd run away in response, and Bella couldn't forget what happened the last time she had tried to run away from Victoria. The punishment she had been given...it still made her skin crawl.

She flinched at the memory that resurfaced. She shut her eyes tightly and shook her head.

No! Please stop, don't remember that now!

"O-okay." Bella's heart clamored in her chest as Rosalie took a step forward. The girl clenched the hem of her jacket in her right hand as she lowered her head, waiting to hear a retort or snide remark for being so scared of the vampire. But one never came.

There was another long pause before Bella felt the wood underneath her legs creak at the weight of Rosalie's soft footsteps, intentionally clicking her heels to let Bella know where and how fast she was going so as not to startle the human girl further. Rosalie stopped only a few feet away, a good distance that didn't make Bella feel like she would suffocate. That, at least, she was thankful for from the woman.

"Do you mind if I sit down?" Rosalie asked, her voice unusually soft. No hint of malice in it, simply distant as if she were talking to a complete stranger.

Well, they were strangers to each other so Bella supposed it was adequate.

Bella nodded before Rosalie took a seat on the opposite side of her, facing away from Bella and looking out onto the forest that surrounded the lake to her left. The blonde woman's posture was perfect, her hair in beautiful golden waves on her back, her skin was so pale it was almost translucent against her white sweater.

There was a long silence again and Bella wondered if she attempted to stand up and leave if Rosalie would force her to stay. Either way, she kept her focus on the still lake in front of her, trying to use anything around her to distract the girl from this awkward meeting.

The silence between them was nearly stifling until Rosalie finally said suddenly, "I'm sorry."

Bella blinked, tilting her head over her shoulder to look at Rosalie's sullen face.

"I was very rude to you yesterday. I shouldn't have been so inclined to show you my bad side so soon. My behavior was uncalled for and I will work on refraining from showing you that side of myself again," Rosalie seemed to struggle with whatever she wanted to say to the girl but Bella waited, not having the courage to speak to her yet.

Her fingers played with a loose strand of her sleeve, trying not to scratch at the cast anymore since it seemed to bother Esme that she was hurting her fingers with the material. "It's hard for me to see you. You've been through a lot, I know that and I understand that without even looking at you for too long. The way I've acted towards you was never to disregard that fact. It's hard for me to be so accepting of you because...I see a lot of myself in you, Bella."

"Me?" Bella's gentle, breathy voice whispered. The confusion was evident in her face as she frowned slightly still looking out at the lake when she could feel Rosalie's golden eyes on her now.

Rosalie shifted slightly to look at Bella, golden orbs evaluating whatever she saw in the girl's demeanor before speaking again.

"None of us had a choice if we wanted to become vampires or not. The majority of us were dying of illness or whatever life decided to throw at us when we were humans. I'd like to believe that Emmett and Alice, maybe even Edward, didn't hate their immortal lives nearly as much as I did. It was a second chance for them. The opportunity to live a better, happier life when it had been taken away from them the first time.

I...I was dying when Carlisle changed me. My life had been hanging off a thin thread, no way to choose or speak out that I didn't want to be changed no matter what had been done to me. So when I awoke in my immortal body, it was that much harder for me to accept being reborn without a soul. For a very long time, I didn't accept it."

Rosalie...didn't have a choice. Bella weighed the words carefully that resonated inside of her in a way that took her by surprise yet she remained silent as Rosalie continued.

"For many years, I was in a dark place, Bella. I resented Carlisle for changing me, distanced myself from Esme and Edward for a time until I came to terms with it. Until I grieved for the life I had lost. I will admit I think I will never be able to fully finish grieving for the peace I would have had if I had remained human."

"Carlisle...took you?"

Rosalie shook her head, a bitter smile on her lips, "No. He hadn't been the one to take my choices from me. My father wanted to save me and for that, I am grateful because if it hadn't been for him I wouldn't have met Emmett or had this family I do now. It's still hard for me to talk about it and I won't do that to you right now but all I wanted to say was that I am sorry for what you've been through, Bella."

Bella's eyes lowered, the emptiness filling her brown eyes again.

Rosalie gave out a humorless laugh, breathy and beautiful like her and Bella could see the silver of Rosalie's venom lining her golden eyes when she looked at the girl.

"I don't know why but seeing you, hearing your voice makes me relive my past life, the early years of my immortal one. It hurts me to see you go through the same things I had been forced to experience. I'm not like Esme, you know? I can't be forgiving because I loathe those who have caused me harm more than anything, even to this day. I can't be cheerful like Alice because I listen to my emotions too much but I take joy from Emmett or Carlisle when they share it with me when I can. So...I hope that you can understand that I am...trying. I will try to be more accepting of the life you were forced into, just as I had been.

And maybe, when you are ready we can heal through each other's pasts but only when you are willing to share your pain with me or the others. Until then, can you forgive me for being a hard-ass as my loving husband calls me?" At that Rosalie seemed to grace Bella with a genuine heartbreaking smile, one that was made of light and...comprehension.

Bella found herself returning the smile, slightly and looked out to the water.

"I'm sorry your choices were taken from you," Bella whispered.

Rosalie hesitated before shifting her gaze back out towards the forest, "...I'm sorry yours were taken as well."

Everyone, except for Alice, was collectively surprised when they ventured back to check on the youngest of the Cullens and found her walking back with Rosalie close behind. Both of them had a lighter air around them even if neither spoke.

Once Bella saw Jasper standing next to his wife, the girl's eyes seemed to come back to life from that dark, empty place she often goes to. Jasper didn't miss the wave of contentment and safety Bella felt when she walked closer towards them and he relished in his little sister's emotions.

Alice beamed at her two sisters before turning around and bossing Emmett around to finish her calculus homework since he lost the game to which he groaned in annoyance but he ate his words and did as she commanded.

Edward and Jasper waited for Bella to catch up to them before Alice wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulders, "Did you have a good afternoon, Bella?"

Bella met Alice's eyes and contemplated her answer before nodding.

"It was good..."

"You know, you can bring your sketchbook outside next time," Alice gave Bella a knowing wink and was glad to see the girl blush slightly, the color complimenting her pale skin and bringing it to life.

Bella couldn't help but look up at the glasshouse as they made it past the grove of trees that the gravel path went through, and for the first time in a long time, she felt...at peace. As if it could all just be this way from now on.

She should have told herself not to hope for that anymore but, it felt good to be...hopeful.

That night, Bella went straight to her room after having an early dinner which she told Esme she would like to help her cook next time so that she wouldn't feel guilty for relying on the woman. Esme didn't fight her on it, if anything she seemed thrilled.

Now she sat on the floor, cross legged with pages and charcoals surrounding her. Drawing the vivid images of the lake and mountains she'd seen today and she didn't stop until Esme came in to tell her it was past midnight. When the woman walked in, she immediately giggled softly at the sight of her daughter, "What are you doing?"

Bella hadn't realized her fingers were smudged with the charcoals she'd been using to draw the trunk of the tree she had crawled into - where Edward had found her.

She blushed deeply when it was too late for her to hide her drawing from Esme.

"Bella! That's beautiful, sweetheart!" Esme walked over to where Bella was sitting by the window.

The girl fidgeted with the charcoal in her hand that was reduced to a small square stone now.

As Esme slowly sat down next to her, she asked, "Do you mind if I look?"

Bella nodded shyly, keeping her eyes averted as Esme's long fingers grabbed the sketchbook from between them and placed it on her lap, her golden eyes scanning every detail and shade made on the paper.

"Are there other drawings that you've made? Can I see them?" Esme asked with high curiosity and admiration in her eyes.

Bella simply nodded again, biting her lip to keep the nerves at bay. She'd never let anyone see the drawings she'd made in the past, not even her parents or teachers. And when she had been in Trinity, she'd occasionally scrawl on the pavement with a burnt stick she'd found in the corner of the room under debris and junk James hadn't bothered to clear out. Whenever Fred would peer over her shoulder and admire her unnecessary sketches of him or Bree, she'd quickly wipe any remnants of them away with her foot before James would see. She hadn't put it past him to take her ability to use her fingers perfectly away and she hadn't wanted to risk it.

Ultimately drawing, to Bella, was an escape. Yet for some reason, she was letting Esme into her safe haven without much question. A small part of her was yelling at Bella to get it back and hide her drawings away.

Esme looked at each drawing she'd made tonight.

The view from her bedroom window that she had looked out towards the towering trees. The lake shining in a bright red and orange hue as the sun settled behind the mountains until Esme reached the one she'd made last night.

Everyone in the house had known Bella awoke in the middle of the night, slightly frightened after she'd had a dream that had seemed to startle her slightly. None of them made to check on the girl when they heard her scribbling something down on a piece of paper shortly after, although it had concerned Carlisle at first. Jasper had reassured him he felt no alarming emotions coming from Bella so it eased their minds.

It was the dock, where Esme could make out two silhouettes sitting at the edge, their feet dangling off and settled on the water. Both sat at a great distance from one another but their heads were tilted to the sides as if they were locked in a meaningful conversation.

"Is this you and Jasper?"

Bella nodded but she stiffened when Esme turned to the next page, and the woman couldn't help cover her mouth with her hand.

As Esme gazed at a beautiful portrait Bella had drawn of her. If Esme had been able to cry, she would have done so out of pure joy.

"Bella..." Esme breathed as she looked at her daughter who looked like she would combust out of embarrassment at any moment when her cheeks flushed a bright red.

Before she could continue, Bella rushed out the words that surprised her adoptive mother. "I-I'm not really...good. I didn't get your eyes right."

"Oh? Why do you think that? I see no problem with it at all, I love it! I think you may have made me lovelier than I actually am."

Bella shook her head this time, incredulously almost before finally looking up at Esme, "No..." She scratched at her cast this time as the nerves were too much for her to handle now, "Your eyes...they're much warmer in person. You're warmer. I can't capture that."

Before she knew it Esme had set the sketchbook down on the bed and turned to face the girl, her face communicating pure love and awe.

"May I hug you?"

The two looked into each other's eyes. Bella's ever so innocent and frightened gaze made Esme's heartache and she hoped that she didn't stir any unwanted memories in the girl by asking to touch her but as soon as she said yes, Esme slowly enveloped Bella in her arms and practically crushed the girl against her chest.

"You are a wonderful girl, you know that? I'm so thankful that you are here."

Bella stared blankly at the doorway as she processed Esme's words and what they meant to her. Slowly, she lifted her hands and hugged Esme back, and let her head rest against her shoulder as tears welled up in the girl's eyes. Neither said anything for a long time nor did they have to when their embrace communicated just how much the two women loved each other.

Bella may not be ready to admit that she loved anyone, ever. Not after losing so many people. She'd loved them all with every fiber of her being. Bree, Fred, her mother, and father...

Not after knowing how empty her heart was once that love was gone - ripped away by monsters. But Esme could feel it, through that beautiful drawing or through Bella's careful gaze whenever she looked at her - she knew it in her heart how Bella felt about them.

Not long after, Carlisle came in to check on Bella's injuries and he admired her work with a sense of pride in his tone. Bella made both of them smile as she blushed a profound red and gave them a hurried thank you.

The entire day had truly peaceful beyond measure. Nothing could have ruined it, nor did any of them want it to be.

But then, Bella's nightmares started that night stronger and more vivid than ever before.

Okayyy, I am so so sorry I haven't been uploading chapters often. I'm trying to be better since I work and do school from home now but life always gets in the way! I'll try to upload every Sunday along with The Eyes That See because you're all so lovely for supporting me and still writing reviews for Lionhearted!

Thanks for reading x